"That's IT, Aislinn, I've had enough!" Lily shouted. "I'm telling Dumbledore."
I looked up, surprised. "What are you talking about?"
She looked angry. "Don't try to deny it. You're not over him. Dammit, Ash, it's been two months. He's gone, and he's not coming back. Maybe you should see Madam Proudfoot or something. Maybe she could give you something to help you sleep better. And maybe some counseling?"
"I sleep fine." I said quietly. She couldn't know, could she? I hadn't woken up screaming in over three weeks.
Lily scoffed. "You cry yourself to sleep every night. You cry in your sleep. You call out his name, over and over. You don't eat. You don't speak unless someone speaks to you. You avoid being alone with James, Sirius or me, probably because you're afraid we'll ask questions you don't want to answer. It's like you're a whole different person now, and we just don't know what more we can do to help you! Just tell us what we can do…" she trailed off, her voice full of pain.
Damn. I hadn't fooled her one little bit. The first few weeks I'd woken up her, Mary and Liz almost every night with my screams, but brushed aside their questions. The nightmares stopped, but the crying continued as every night I couldn't help but face what I tried to hard to avoid. I thought I'd been quiet, but obviously not. Crying and calling for him in my sleep? I didn't know I'd been doing that.
"Lily… I'm trying. Don't tell anyone… I'll try harder… I promise… just give me some more time…"
"I don't think I could bear seeing you try any harder! It breaks my heart to see you like this. We care so much about you. Please, just let us in. Let us help you!" she pleaded.
"I… I… I can't." I stated, before turning and sprinting out of our room. I avoided the curious eyes that bore into me as I made my way to the 7th year girl's bathroom and locked myself into the last toilet. In our fifth year, Lily and I had discovered a secret room at the base of Gryffindor tower. The only entrances to it were from one toilet in the 7th year girl's bathroom and one in the boy's. I tapped the brick that opened the hole, and clambered inside. The tears poured down my face as I ran blindly down the stairs that led to the room, to my safe haven. The only people who knew about the room were me, Lily, James, Sirius, Peter and… him. This room was where we kept the map, and James's Cloak. This was the place we plotted all of our escapades. At least, it was before.
Finally, I reached the bottom of the staircase. Sometimes I forgot just how tall the tower was. The room was comforting and painful at the same time. Most of my best memories took place right here. I grabbed the map, and froze in horror when I saw Lily heading the bathroom and Sirius already on his way down the stairs.
"Merlin…"I whispered. What do I do now? I can't talk to them. Not now. I'm not ready.
Calm down, relax. Think. The cloak!
I pulled the cloak from its hook and draped it over me. Clutching the map, I then stood in a corner and breathed as silently as I could. The map showed Sirius less than ten feet from the entrance and Lily not far behind.
Sirius paused, and gazed around the room. His eyes noted that both the cloak and the map were gone. Lily suddenly appeared behind him, looking tiny next to his muscular physique. Her emerald eyes were full of worry, and I felt bad for being the cause.
"Ash? Where are you?" Sirius said softly. "I know you're here. We would have seen you if you came back up the stairs; and the brooms are still here."
Damn. I forgot all about the brooms. Why didn't I escape through the window? Maybe if I wait until they move away from the doorway, I can make a run for it. After all, I'm invisible, and I have the map.
It seemed like a brilliant plan, but I'd forgotten how alike Lily and I thought.
Sirius started to move around the room, waving his arms around, trying to find me. Lily stayed in the doorway, blocking any means of escape. Giving in, I sank to the floor and succumbed to tears once more.
Sirius heard my sobs, despite my attempts at silence. He walked slowly over to me, and reached out. His hand connected with my shoulder, and he pulled off the cloak. He took in my state, and lifted me into his arms. Lily moved to the cupboard and pulled out some blankets. Sirius sat on the couch with me still curled up in his arms. Lily tucked the blankets around us and sat on the floor, her back leaning against Sirius's legs.
Eventually, my crying stopped and the exhaustion kicked in. Lily was right, I hadn't been sleeping well. I was so warm, and so comfortable, that I felt myself drifting off to sleep.
Lily shifted her position so that she could see Sirius. "Is she asleep?"
"I think so. James should be here soon, Carter can't keep them training after it gets too dark. Are you comfortable enough down there?"
"I'm fine." Lily replied. She picked the map up off the floor and examined it, looking for James's dot. Her face turned pink. "He's in the showers."
Sirius smirked. "Bet you wish you could be there for that, eh?"
"Sirius Black! Get your mind out of the gutter!"