Disclaimer: I am unfortunate enough to say that not only do I not own any of the Harry Potter franchise, nor do I own (yet) any of Taylor Swift's new songs or album, all of which have been a great help in everything I've been doing for the past month.

So Far: Sirius has been given the choice to stop being friends with Lily after she decided to stop being friends with James, but instead he consoled her. Lily is no longer talking to any of her friends besides him; Marlene is hanging out with James and her brother, Cam, Dorcas was being a racist – a Pureblood supremacist – a whatever, and Mary was just never that close to her. There is a general lack of communication going around, but Cam is supporting a more forgiving approach towards everyone. Christmas is rolling around.

Chapter 15

Or

Of Disruption to the Quiet

"Aren't you going to pack?" asked Sirius as he joined Lily next to the fireplace. "You're not one for being late."

"I won't be late for the train if I pack later," said Lily with mock stubbornness. "I can simply enjoy this last moment of relaxation before home, can't I?" She made room for him on the couch, which had restricting but sufficient space, and he stuffed himself in beside her and grinned widely. He put his hand around her and they snuggled, their heat warming each other up. "You're a great friend, Sirius."

"I know," he said. "I'm just amazing. Hard to resist. Fantastic, really." His tone changed quickly, and he sounded worried as he said, "You gon' be okay at home? I know your sister – "

"It's going to be alright," she said in an attempted shrug, blocked by his torso. "I'll write to you if anything goes too badly, but – "

"Hey hey hey, you're going to write to me anyway, okay? I mean – I'm going to be stuck here with James and Marlene, and they're still in the honeymoon phase," said Sirius quickly, making a very gross and annoying face. Annoying, because Lily could literally feel it through her hair, and she was slightly creeped out.

"I know," she said, and she did. Marlene and James were pretty open and obvious about their relationship, and even when they weren't hugging and kissing and holding hands, Marlene would smile and Lily would just know she wasn't thinking of class or the person sitting in front of her (usually Cameron and not Lily, nowadays) but of James, or of something they did together, or of the way James hair was looking particularly –

Not that Lily would ever think of him that way, anyway, but she noticed Marlene, because she used to be her friend.

She wasn't sure what they were anymore. They barely even talked, now.

"So you're going to write?"

"Yes, MUM," Lily laughed, and Sirius joined her, and then they couldn't stop, and they were laughing. Laughing because they needed to, despite the fact that it really wasn't that funny of a joke, despite the fact that not very much was funny right now. When they calmed down, she added, "And you better write, too. At least three times. And make it interesting. Don't just give details of today's gossip, though an update on that would be cool."

Sirius snorted. "Right, because I'm the Gossip Queen or something."

Lily grinned, and then said, "Speaking of… do the others – "

"No, they don't, and until they need to know…"

Lily nodded, understanding. It wasn't her business to know in the first place. Being able to share her knowledge of Remus' lycanthropy with somebody, anybody, was refreshing and freeing, but that doesn't mean she should have ever found out.

They lay there for a beat before Lily sighing and resigning herself to get up. "I'm gonna go get ready for tomorrow," she explained, and Sirius nodded, understanding, and released her from the prison of his arms. She laughed at that odd thought – Sirius had very little to do with prison. Well, except for his trouble maker ways, but Lily believed he had a good head on his shoulders, and that when he got out of school he would do something good with his life.

"You go do that," he said. "Right after you answer these riddles three…"

Lily laughed. "What are these riddles three, exactly?" she asked, using her best deep voice.

"I'm going to change the first riddle, because seriously, what in the name of Merlin's hairline did you think using that voice? Secondly, what is up with Petu- your sister's mysterious romantic life? And thirdly, will you buy me some chocolate while you're out there, because in the end when we went to Hogsmeade I only got a minimal amount and Remus has finished it off by now?"

Lily nudged him and replied in her deepest voice. "I'll send you a Christmas present, don't worry, along with detailed letters. And, uh, those weren't riddles." He grimaced, and she then waved a goodbye, something that said, Seeya tomorrow, and walked up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

"So you're like, best friends with Evans now?" asked Dan, joining Sirius by the fireplace, but not replacing Lily. He sat on the farthest away chair, a slightly more cushioned one which he'd always preferred, Sirius noticed. "What happened to the Marauders, mate?"

"We're still best friends, of course, mate," Sirius said. "I'm just also being friendly with another person. Amazing, how you can be friends with more than one person, I know."

Dan frowned. "I just mean, James seems to barely hang out with you anymore, Remus got sick last week and went home a week early, and Peter… well," he snickered, "he's Peter."

"What's wrong with Peter?" demanded Sirius suddenly. "He's one of my best mates, remember? He's come up with some of our best ideas. Remember the corn prank? That was all him." Sirius may have been slightly exaggerating on Peter's role in the whole thing, but it had been the first thing that had come up in his mind, and he wasn't about to back down.

"Woah, mate, sorry," said Dan, raising his palms in defeat. "I just meant… I was just wondering if you and Evans – well, you know, now that James no longer fancies her – maybe you – "

"Do you notice that you use the term I just meant very often and in very contradictory ways?" Sirius snapped. How dare he? Lily and Sirius were not like that. There was not a doubt in his mind that she had no interest in him, and he definitely felt no affection for her that surpassed those of a friend. Right?

No, he definitely didn't.

"Again, sorry," said Dan. "I just… well, never mind. Have a merry Christmas, mate."

"Merry Christmas," Sirius said bitterly, glad for the end of this awkward conversation.

He'd never thought of Lily and his relationship until then. They'd just done what felt natural. And they did almost seem like duplicates of each other sometimes – opposite sides of the same coin. They had similar senses of humor, they tended to get overly upset over things that didn't matter, and they reacted similarly to the same situations. One time when they were out last summer, they went to get some ice cream and encountered a stranger's pet dog. They both crouched at the exact same time and reached for the exact same spot. They did that quite often. And they had no qualms over sharing space and food (well, he had no qualms over sharing food; she liked eating everything on her plate, claiming she "always took perfect portions" and that he "always ruined her meal") and so they often hugged and cuddled and huddled together. The both of them had little understanding of personal space when it came to people they cared about and they both came from difficult, unaccepting backgrounds, and they were both brilliant, clever, and rather attractive, truth be told. And it may have seemed sometimes as if they were flirting – God knows that they acted as if they were a couple – but he had come, over the past six months, to regard her as more of a foster sister rather than anything else. They even shared complaints over annoying siblings, for Merlin's sake.

But then again, he should have expected this.

He wondered where Mary was.

Dorcas wasn't going home because it hurt even more than staying here.

People didn't view it that way. And by people, she meant Marlene. Marlene seemed to think that Dorcas stayed for the sole purpose of torturing her, because the cold shoulder she had been giving her had turned into much more than just ignoring Dorcas and avoiding her in the hallways. Marlene was actively hissing at Dorcas and giving her the stink eye whenever she got too close.

But Dorcas was trying not to let it get to her. True, a larger than average sum of people were staying this Christmas – Dorcas had never stayed before, but Lily had, and she'd understood that it tended to be at most a couple dozen, while this year almost fifty students were staying at Hogwarts instead of hopping on that train ride home – but she hadn't known that when signing on the list McGonagall had handed out a couple of weeks ago.

She didn't bother going down to the station; there was no one there for her to see off. Instead, she grabbed her homework and went to work on it in the library, empty for the first time in weeks. The cold outside, apparently, stopped people from leaving the castle as often, and she had to deal with many instances when the library was full to the brim lately. The library was now, however, blissfully empty.

Or was for half an hour, at least, after which was when Cameron showed up to do his homework in a library he was probably sure was going to be an empty and distraction-free environment.

Dorcas sighed. This was going to be a frustrating holiday.

Sirius went to see Evans off, and for some reason that was just unfathomably funny for James. Ironic, maybe. It was odd, in any case, that despite the fact that James was over Evans, and he really, really was, he still felt a little pang of jealousy whenever anyone talked with her. But now, it was simply because he had been her friend, even if for a short while, and he missed it just a tiny bit.

A lot, actually. They hadn't had the chance to be friends for a long period of time, but the few conversations they'd had were pleasant, fun, unassuming… She may have been a bit judgmental at times, but mostly, she'd kept her opinions out of the equation if uncalled for. Again, he admittedly hadn't experienced it much, but she gave good advice, and she was kind and funny and –

And he didn't fancy her anymore. He didn't. He'd made a promise to himself four months ago and he intended to keep it. He had Marlene, and Marlene was clever and sweet, and more importantly, she fancied him back.

And he loved tucking stray strands of hair behind her ear and then leaning in to kiss her, and he loved that she was bossy around him, especially after telling him she only gave her opinion around people she trusted, and he loved that her eyes never quite rested on any one thing, instead jumping from himself to something on his right to something above him to something behind him to her hands and back to him again, and it wasn't that she wasn't paying attention but rather that she had so much energy in her and so much restlessness. She was different, and that was a good thing.

He thought that it was funny that he always signed up to stay for Christmas because – well, aside from staying with Sirius – Evans always signed up to stay for Christmas, and now it was actually that his parents were on vacation having assumed that he was going to stay for Christmas when Evans was actually going home this holiday season (as Sirius informed him only two days before end of term). But that was alright, because Marlene was staying too, so –

Actually, that just added to the irony. James felt guilty for a moment, because it was as if he was replacing Evans with Marlene, which he wasn't.

He didn't think so.

He was walking toward the large beach tree everyone in their year always sat under during the warmer afternoons. True, it was hardly a warm afternoon (it had rained that morning and it had snowed just a couple days ago), yet it was a pleasant place to be nonetheless, especially with Bluebell Flames which he was excellent at casting. The walk was pleasant too, very calm and quiet.

He could see so much from up here.

He felt it in his bones, the calmness, the emptiness of the world around him; Hogwarts was silent. He savored the taste of the air, the smell of the rain, the feeling of the patches of grass beneath him. He couldn't explain this sense of his, but he knew he ought to remember this moment – what would be the last calm moment in a while.

And so he closed his eyes, and relaxed, relaxed, relaxed…

"PRONGS! WAKE UP, YOU WANKER!"

James jumped and grabbed his wand, looking – squinting – up at his attacker. It was only Sirius though, nothing more. "Go away," he muttered, and leaned back on the tree.

The tree. He had fallen asleep outside. His eyes shot open. "I fell asleep," he said. "Shit."

"Shit indeed, mate," said Sirius. "I tried calling you on the mirror when I couldn't find you, but you didn't answer. Figured you went to the library or somethin'. In short, I've been looking for you for close to forty minutes. I should have known you fell asleep…" He shook his head. "C'mon, mate, dinner started twenty minutes ago."

James realized suddenly that he was indeed very hungry. "Yeah, okay mate, relax. Let's go." Sirius held his hand out, and James grabbed his arm and hoisted himself up.

The walk up to the castle wasn't nearly as relaxing as the walk down from it. It was much colder, for one. The cold had seeped into his bones while he'd slept soundly with his back to the tree. And then, of course, there was the question that hung in the air uncomfortably the moment he'd – foolishly – uttered the words, after they'd been walking for a minute or two.

"How's Evans?"

Sirius didn't answer, instead suddenly watching his feet in great interest. James waited for him to say something, but after a minute or two more of the silence, he repeated the question.

"How's Evans?" he said.

"She's fine," Sirius snapped.

James raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He had to physically stop himself from snapping back; he told himself it really wasn't worth it, and that he would be an idiot if he did snap back. They had almost reached the castle, and James was still telling himself these things, when Sirius stopped dead in the middle of the path and said slowly, "You do know why she stopped being your friend, don't you?"

James stared at him. "Wait, you do?"

Sirius simply nodded.

"Well," James said hotly, "why don't you share with the rest of the class?"

"She can't handle you," Sirius said. James was too shocked to say anything in response, and so Sirius continued: "She can't handle almost anything right now. I don't know how much Marlene told you – " she had told him everything, as far as he knew – "but Lily's life has been going in a terribly quick pace lately, and she had to reverse it, she simply had to. And she felt as though you were the beginning of all the changes in her life – even going back to – "

"Back to last May, yes," said James. "I know."

Well, he should have known, at least.

"Is this seat taken?"

Dorcas didn't expect that question from Marlene's brother. More like: 'What are you doing here?' or 'Why do you exist?'

"What?" she said. He repeated his question, and now with a smile. "Yes – No, sorry," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I meant, no, this seat isn't taken. You can sit if you want. I guess. Free country or whatever."

Cameron sat next to her.

Cameron was sitting next to her.

He looked so much like his sister. He looked nothing like his sister. Same pale complexion. His hair was a shade darker, though. He had his glasses on today, and they really framed his face in a way that would never have worked on Marlene's slightly softer angles. Marlene always towered over her, but Cameron was slightly shorter than her, even with his hair being slightly puffier than was considered appropriate. She wondered when was the last time he'd gotten a haircut.

They sat in silence for a while. They'd been in the library together several times now, but it was an unspoken that they would not communicate. Dorcas would never have guessed that anything resembling a pleasant interaction could occur, and so nothing occurred. Until, of course, right now.

It was a moment later when she opened her mouth to ask what he was doing sitting next to her. She didn't get a word out, though, because Cameron asked her at that very moment if she could help him with his Defense paper. Well, to be exact, he said, "Have you finished that Defense paper yet? I'm having trouble – "

Dorcas, shocked and bewildered and all those other good words that could probably be placed here but really don't need to be, stood up and gathered her things.

"What are you playing at?" she demanded, exiting the library dramatically and quickly.

Dear Sirius, (seriously? The handsome? That isn't even creative)

Since the last time I saw you (I am speaking of the goodbye at the train station, of course. I haven't snuck into your room in the middle of the night sometime in between or anything of the sort) I have been angry, sad, upset, annoyed, poked, and absolutely overwhelmed with the need to hurl. If Samuel was a shell of a human being, then he's preferable over Vernon Dursley, or as I prefer to call him, the Mustached Whale. He is simply terrible, in every way; conceited, insulting, and fat. Fat, as in so wide, my dad's shirt wouldn't cover half of him.

Actually, now that I think of it – have you been to my house yet? I reckon you haven't, so you probably don't know, but my father is by no means small.

In any case, it's like he tries to be as massive as he can. And I hate him. Which is probably why Petunia's dating him; you know how it is. He's coming over for dinner EVERY DAY, which is driving me mad. I need to get out of here, but I really have nowhere to go. I went to London yesterday and had dinner there instead of at home; that was a bit of a relief.

My parents got me an early Christmas present! Gave me some money and told me to go get an owl for myself. That's why I went to London, and that's my new owl that delivered this letter. I hope she got there quickly; she's hardly the most expensive thing I saw there. But I needed the rest of the money (dinner, remember?) and she's gorgeous. I do wonder how Petunia will react to me being able to talk to you guys without leaving the house… but she's always at Vernon's nowadays. That is, when they're both not over for dinner and annoying the hell out of me.

I try to be understanding, you know? But it's hard.

Write to me. How's Potter and Marlene?

With all my heart, and have a merry Christmas!

Lily

It was Christmas, and Celesta Warbeck was playing on the radio.

It was Christmas, and it snowed, but melted almost immediately.

It was Christmas, and most of our heroes weren't even speaking to each other.

It was Christmas, which – supposedly – is the time of forgiveness, but we'll have to wait a bit before that happens.

Then it was New Years', and Marlene and James both fell asleep long before midnight.

A/N: Oh God, NaNoWriMo is almost here. I pushed myself to finish chapter 17 so I could go back and edit this in time, and somehow I managed, but I will admit, I have a pile of homework I haven't done yet. Once again I must tell you guys that the next chapter won't be out for quite a while, this time because, as I've already mentioned, NaNoWriMo is just around the corner and this year I'm planning on giving it a go. This means I won't be writing anything except for my novel for that project. If you'd like to follow my progress, I will also be posting updates, occasionally, on my writing blog (the link to which is on my profile), under the tag NaNoWriMo2014.

As for this chapter, it went through some very heavy changes while writing it, and actually, despite the fact that there's no Jily in it, is one of my favorite chapters so far (though 11 and 4 are still some of my best work, possibly ever). You may be able to tell that I am able to write Sirius most easily, and the truth is I have no idea why that's true, it just is. I hope you enjoyed it.

Kickerbraut: Sadly, almost a month and not four days, and you have a while to wait till the next update as well. But hey, thanks.

Calypso: I seriously could not get your compliment out of my head for like a week, and it kept making me smile. Thank you so much! Seriously.

ChloeGem: I'm so sorry. You're actually going to have to wait a while, but since you guys aren't getting anything at all, Jily or not, for a while, I'll leave you a snippet from the next chapter at the end.

If you guys aren't participating in NaNoWriMo, I would take this November to read, and possibly reread TLAT before the next update comes around. I already started my reread, but I really should do my homework instead... *smacks forehead with a table, and not the other way around*

Also, I may or may not be spending most of my time these days listening to Out of the Woods. IT'S SO DAMN GOOD.

JustGail

P.S. Hag Sameach.

Excerpt from chapter 16:

Imagine you're sitting in front of your TV at home and suddenly your signal disappears.

You get off the couch and hit the remote on top of the TV itself. It doesn't work, so you go out to check if you're the only one having problems. It's a tightknit neighborhood, and you know everyone on the block; it won't be awkward if you knock on old Josie's door and ask her politely if her TV is working.

You decide against it, and by the time you come back the TV is on again. You've missed ten minutes of the show you were watching, though, and you can't follow the story anymore. Frustrated, you don't turn off the TV, but instead resign yourself to try and understand what's going without the ten minutes you missed. But it feels hopeless.