Disclaimer: None of this is mine ladidadida. More cursing than usual will be found here. And, if I did it right, feels ahead.

So far: Sirius, Marlene, Dorcas and a whole lot of other people got into trouble. Lily and a guy named Benjy Fenwick, being prefects, had to help sort it out. Before reaching McGonagall's office, Lily and Sirius disappeared. Marlene and James don't seem to be the perfect couple they used to be. Marlene almost started opening up about what's bothering her – but she didn't, in the end.

Chapter 18

Or

Of Marlene's Story and Silence

Lights were flashing, beautiful embodiments of curses being shot at whatever direction they might end up heading towards. Some people had ended up giving up their wands, and they were discarded on the floor; the fists being exchanged instead were probably doing more damage, in a way, anyway. When Lily Evans, a prefect, appeared, a large group of people practically vanished, and Sirius grinned at her – only for a punch to narrowly miss his face. When Lily actually laid her eyes on him, he was sprawled on the floor, having slipped and fell on the floor.

"What's going on here?"

"Dorcas, the bitch, it's all her fault!" screamed Marlene, looking almost inhuman.

"The fuck is wrong with you? What – " Dorcas said.

Lily's head was hurting. The Slytherins were thrown on the floor by one of Dorcas' curses, and suddenly everyone, except Lily, was hit by a strong wind and fell over as well. Behind Lily emerged a seventh-year prefect, Benjy Fenwick.

"Black," he said, "mind telling me what the hell happened here?"

"What happened?" Lily hissed, pulling Sirius away from Fenwick, Marlene and Dorcas as the three of them continued to make their way up to McGonagall's office.

She hadn't been able to take a good look at him up until right now; he wasn't cut, and bruises wouldn't show by now anyway, but she took a good look nonetheless. His long and dark hair was ruffled, but she could explain that with the fact that she found him on the floor in the first place, and otherwise he looked as perfectly handsome as ever.

Except for his eyes. His eyes looked tired. Exhausted, even.

"I saw them and I couldn't stand it – " he began.

"No no no no no, you're starting from the middle. Go back to the beginning. I haven't questioned you about your brother nearly enough. Talk about it," Lily said, folding her arms indignantly.

"No!" cried Sirius.

Lily shook her head as if trying to get water out from her ears. "What? Excuse me?"

"You don't get to pry into every single part of my life, Evans!" he yelled. "I'm not James, okay? I don't feel obligated to do whatever you ask me to do. I am your friend, and I enjoy talking to you and being with you in general, and you're a cool bird, I'll admit that much. But you have no right to demand anything from me."

Lily stared at him for a moment. She could not speak. The only thing she could quite master moving was her hands, which she was now distracting with a piece of loose thread on her robes. She focused on his nose, which was right at the center of his face; she had a feeling that he could tell that she wasn't really looking at him, but rather trying to pretend that she was.

"I – I – " she stammered. "I'm sorry. I didn't know – "

"You didn't know that it might be a touchy subject?" Sirius laughed. "Oh that's rich. Especially coming from you!"

"What do you mean com– "

"I mean how you never talk about your friends, despite the fact that they're obviously on your mind! I mean how you barely talk about your sister, and when you do, it's to explain why you don't like her husband! I mean how – "

"Oh now you're about to step out of line, Sirius," warned Lily. "Be careful where you're going."

The two were quiet suddenly, both flushed and angry and quite possibly embarrassed. Lily was mostly angry; she hoped that Sirius was mostly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she blurted after a moment. "I didn't mean to – "

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry too," sighed Sirius. "And I did sort of make it public knowledge that my brother and I don't get along. It's just – "

"Frustrating, I know."

They were then in silence for a good while. Sometimes that's important. The silence.

After the interrogation conducted by McGonagall, all the Gryffindors – and Benjy – were released to go back to their dorms (though not exactly punishment free… Even a kid that Lily had threatened to give a month's worth of detentions to if he didn't get out of her way got an essay to write). After Dorcas hurried away, Benjy broke off – presumably towards the kitchens. Marlene and Lily waited for Sirius, and once Benjy came back and Sirius finished, Marlene, Sirius, and Lily continued in a steady, marching on side by side in silence.

Lily found herself very suddenly realizing that they were almost at Gryffindor Tower. Curfew was about half an hour away, and she didn't really want to be in the Tower right now. She wanted to feel calm, she wanted to be alone, she wanted to not be in reach of anyone at all.

Without saying a thing, Lily turned around.

She wandered aimlessly around the castle, wandering, wondering…

She thought about Sirius.

She thought about how he never failed to make her smile. She thought about his stupid pranks and about his dark hair. She thought about how different he was from anyone else she knew. She thought about how he was there for her, now, when nobody else was, and she thought about how he never once asked her out. She thought about what he said today –

She thought about Marlene. She thought about how pained she was, how she wasn't sharing something, how lonely she must be. She thought about how quiet and reserved Marlene was gone, and how she wasn't sure what she thought about this new and "improved" Marlene. She thought about how she missed just talking to her –

She thought about Dorcas, but that made her blood boil –

She found herself in the owlery, and she wasn't alone.

"James," she said, and she was as beautiful as she was the day they met, as much of a wonder to him as on that day in the early autumn sun not that long ago, when they laughed together. Her lips parted just the tiniest bit in surprise, and she rubbed her nose in the most adorable way, trying to heat herself up in the cold January air. "I mean, Potter. What, what, um – what are you doing here?"

He just couldn't help himself. He tried so hard sometimes to just forget about her. Marlene was wonderful and fantastic and just the best thing that had ever happened to him, and she liked him back, but she wasn't Lily, would never be Lily. She shouldn't have chosen him – he was no good for her. He didn't deserve her. As for the girl in front of him, waiting for a response – he could already feel the snark on his tongue, he could feel the sarcasm bubbling up and he was a complete twat. "What are you doing here?" he pointed at her empty hands, trying to say, I don't see a letter.

"I just – I was trying to – " she said. She held onto herself, and he saw it then. She was about to cry, and he didn't know why, and he didn't know how to help, but he desperately wanted to. And he had been okay with just being friends, he had, and then she didn't want to be friends anymore, and he should have really just walk away right now and let her be in peace. But he couldn't.

"Are you – are you okay?" he asked helplessly, hopelessly in love with this stupid, brilliant, beautiful, amazing girl. "Lily – " He reached for her and he almost started crying himself when she didn't flinch, and he knew that something was very wrong because she was still here and her defenses were down, and they were suddenly so close (when had they gotten so close? He couldn't remember) and then they were hugging and she was sobbing into his shoulder, and he knew that what he was doing with Marlene was wrong, and that what he was doing right now was ridiculous, and that there must be something wrong with him.

"What happened?" he whispered. They slid down to the floor, holding onto each other as if for dear life. He ran his hands through her hair, her magnificent red locks, felt her breath on his chin, waited for the spell to break and everything to go wrong.

She shook her head silently against him. "I just – "

Any moment now she would break away, likes she always did –

" – everything's gone to shit, and I can't hold it in anymore. I keep trying – "

Was he really that bad of a person that he would hold someone like he is now, knowing that he loves them, and not let go? Would he really be willing to break Marlene's heart in that way? Any moment now –

" – but I can't compete with everyone. I can't hold them close to me and expect them to want to stay. I just want people to listen, if they could just listen – "

Could she hear his heartbeat? Could she tell that he could no longer pretend, that he was about to just say it? Could she ever hold him again, knowing how much of a shitty person he was? He would do it. He was going to do it –

"Thank you so much for listening," she said, wiping her tears away. It was out of bounds for him to do it, he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He would never do something that wrong. "I know it must be hard for you – what with me being such a shitty person to you an' all." She sniffed and shifted away, and he wanted to pull her closer. She shivered from the sudden cold, then nodded and –

Then she was gone.

He hadn't told her, he had managed to keep it secret. He was bursting, absolutely filled with these feelings –

He has to break up with Marlene.

And I will, he told himself. I will. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow night, right after dinner.

"I can't believe this shite," cried Sirius in disgust, throwing the Prophet away from him. "I cannot believe they're going ahead with this garbage."

"What is it?" asked Peter, sliding it over to him, so he – and James, over his shoulder – could read it. There in big, capital letters, it said NEW WEREWOLF-RELATED LEGISLATION, and in smaller print it read, The brave story of a man – and a law – meant to protect us all.

"They're pushing more anti-werewolf legislation," Sirius said, and then used a phrase so vulgar that Wormtail practically covered his ears. "Go on, read it."

Peter coughed and then read aloud the following:

"Following an incident in Diagon Alley some three years ago, a brave young man has found a new path in life, writes Daily Prophet correspondent Rita Skeeter. Despite heavy resistance, a number of well-respected families pushed forward a few anti-werewolf legislations (they prefer the term pro-wizard), and now they have found a leader who may just make it all possible.

"'I consider myself a man with a mission,' says young Lucius Malfoy, 22, a handsome platinum blonde whom is dressed impeccably (as you can see in the photograph). 'I merely want to better the world for wizardkind, and I refuse to let anyone get in the way of this cause. Of course, if the Wizengamot decides that it is not in the public's best interest, I would not dare… but you know, there's plenty of precedence.'

"Of course. Would you like to tell us a little more about the legislation itself?

"'Well, it is quite simple, in fact. It will ensure that the public knows and will be able to recognize a potential threat. Oh, I know that there is nothing essentially bad about a werewolf if it does what it should on the full moon and lock itself up safely and securely, but you can never be too sure.'

"Well, safety does come first! So, once this law – some people like to call it The Trace, as a little joke –

"'And a very right one, indeed,' said young Mr. Malfoy very seriously. 'The Trace is placed on the young for the express purpose of protecting not only the child, but also the public. The same is true for this law.'

"Lucius, at this point, takes a break in order to offer me some rather delightful pumpkin juice. The time we have is about to come to an end, as he has very little time to spare in his busy schedule, and I ask him one last question, one I'm sure all of you lady readers are dying to know.

"Are there any ladies in your world right now? Perhaps even a future Mrs. Malfoy?

"'Oh, I don't really think that's the point of any of this,' Lucius replied with a hearty laugh. 'I hope to marry soon, but I am currently focused on more important things.'

Lucius will indeed focus on more important things – first, he shall change the magical world with this new legislation, and then, he promises, he has a few more laws to present before the Wizengamot. He promises that after he's done changing the world, he will think of dating, and perhaps, even getting married.

"Well, that was bullshit," finished Peter, throwing the newspaper as far away from him as possible. Sirius didn't bother picking it up.

"Absolute crap," agreed James. "Who was that reporter? She was disgusting."

"Rita Skeeter," said Sirius with obvious distaste. "She's ridiculous, but she's gaining a following. She's always looking for the scandal. I hate her. My mother just discovered her before – "

"What was that last part about, the 'a few more laws to present'?" wondered Peter.

"Probably something equally as awful," promised James. He then paused, sat down, looked at his food, and declared, "I'm not really hungry anymore."

"Not hungry anymore? Impossible," said a cold, unnaturally high voice. Remus was approaching them, and he held the newspaper they had thrown away. He handed it to Sirius rather mechanically, and then sat down and calmly piled up food on his plate. Sirius and James exchanged glances, and Wormtail looked at Remus curiously. It was quiet for a bit, though the people around them continued with their noise as per usual, until –

"Remus?" asked James carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, still in that unnaturally high voice, cutting into his bacon. "What makes you think I'm not?"

"Probably has something to do with how you're trying to murder your breakfast," said Sirius. James elbowed him, and he winced.

Remus let go of his silverware, and it clinked loudly on his plate. "I'm fine," he said curtly. "Just – leave it. Okay?"

Sirius raised his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, no need to overreact."

Wormtail never understood what exactly went on in Remus' head when it came to this kind of stuff. All he really knew was that Remus wasn't okay.

Remus wasn't okay, and the last person he would tell that was Wormtail.

"Marlene, I need to talk to you."

An entire day had passed, and James had decided it was time.

"Marlene."

He couldn't seem to catch her eye. She nodded and made way towards the door, and they walked together. It was unnaturally quiet. Usually, when you passed through the halls at this time of day, you would not be alone with your echoing steps. But there was no one. No one making out in a closet, no one rushing with their books from this place to that.

It was so quiet that it made James' head hurt. And that wasn't the only thing on his mind.

Remus had acted weird all day; when they passed by the shelters being protected with various charms – not just Flitwick, but also McGonagall and that Auror witch – he was exceptionally quiet. There was a general feeling of uneasiness, not just from Remus, but from everyone; nobody liked these shelters, and nobody liked what they might represent.

Honestly? He just couldn't deal with having a relationship right now. It wasn't right for him. He could deal with the school pressure, but he had enough on his hands, socially, without a girlfriend. She wasn't making him happy.

Most of the time she could make him smile when he thought it impossible, true. And she had this thing, where she would rest her eyes on his lips for just a moment and he'd –

"James, where are you going?"

He had been so deep in thought, that Marlene had stopped and he hadn't even noticed. He blushed deeply and said sheepishly, "Sorry."

He noticed the dark humor in the fact that this was in fact the same classroom that he and Lily had had their talk in, not that long ago.

They both stepped into the darkness.

Well, not really darkness, but the room was definitely dim. The windows were high and narrow, and the moon was in its wane, with little starlight to spare. It felt like a scene from a play, standing there in the torchlight – the one, single torch – and trying to find the words.

"Marlene, I – "

"I know why you want to talk to me," she said.

James was shocked. "You do?" His shoulders sagged, and he felt defeated and relieved at the same time.

"I just – can you let me explain myself first?"

James nodded, but felt slightly confused. Before he could voice any lingering feelings of doubt, however, Marlene took a deep breath and began her tale.

"I'm not normally… like this. Outgoing, mostly. I don't hate being like this, it's just that I've never been like this. I guess this is my version of acting out, or whatever. Really all that's happened is that my life slowly feel apart around me, and I couldn't deal with it, so I built a great big fucking dam.

"I have an uncle. I mean, had an uncle. He passed away summer before last. No, really, I'm fine. I was never that close to him. To his son, Marcus – to him I'm close. I was. Thing is, he's half-blood – my uncle married a Muggleborn, something my parents were never really okay with. They didn't shun them, per se, but they were never really welcome at our dinner table."

"I know how that is," James said. "We're never welcome at any of our relative's tables either. But I think that has to do with Sirius more than anything else."

That brought a smile to Marlene's face. "Right," she said, blushing. "Anyway.

"Marcus – it's not like he was still in school or anything – he actually finished school about six years ago, then got a managing job in a shop. Only thing remotely special about him was his activism. His mother was Muggleborn, and she got him into the whole – the whole pro-Muggleborn thing.

"My parents, now effectively the head of the family, told him that he wouldn't see a dime of his inheritance unless he gave up political activism. They've got money, and that made the whole thing possible. Obviously, he said no. So for a year and more, I didn't see him.

"Your dad's ministry, right?"

James nodded. "Law Enforcement."

"So… you heard what happened last summer?"

James thought for a moment, and then stared at Marlene, in utter shock. "He was in – he was at the conference, Marcus?"

Marlene nodded. Her lower lip trembled as she said, "He isn't confirmed dead. Technically, he's missing."

"Technically, it's a series of unsolved cases," James said. "But it was him."

"Or his friends," she said. "They call themselves Death Eaters." She stood so tall, so certain, so angry. He was sure that almost any other girl would be crying right now, and she was definitely almost crying. But Marlene wasn't the classic image of a girl that he had in his mind (perhaps no one was). She was strong and proud and she had survived.

"Yeah, I know," he said.

They hugged then, and he buried his nose in her hair, and she held him tighter than ever before and he knew that what he wanted to do couldn't be done now.

He'll do it tomorrow.

A/N: Just to clarify, THIS IS A JILY FANFIC. And I UPLOAD REGULARLY once a month. So yes, things are a bit weird right now in the plot - but I have this whole thing planned out. ALL OF IT. Some of the finer details need to be tweaked and because of ridiculous amount of work, I am incredibly behind on writing (I'm breaking my two-chapters-ahead rule by posting this). But it is a Jily fanfic. It just so happens that it is also a Marauder-Era fic, and I wanted to flesh out EVERYTHING. So I BEG OF YOU, if you leave a review, please make it relevant. Things like the skipping thing that everyone seems annoyed about - good criticism. "This isn't a Jily fic waaaah" - bad criticism.

Back to what the author's note is actually about.

That last seen was rewritten like seventy times. It was too short or not emotional enough or just plain boring. This was a hard chapter, because there was so much going on in James and Lily and I had to write it without it falling completely flat. The Jily part I admittedly wrote in one go. But unlike other chapters, this one was edited like four times, and no part of it was spared. If there's a single typo in there, I will probably jump off a bridge or something. Or I won't, because I have to finish this story.

I recently passed 50,000 words! (51,000 now, but who's counting, right?) There's plenty more awesome to come. And I'm pretty sure that within three chapters the amount of actual Jily will increase.

Also, I don't ship Lily/Sirius, so siriusly guys, don't worry.

I hope you had a great Valentine's! (Me, I was sitting alone in my room, pretending that I don't exist.)

JustGail