Disclaimer: I am not the owner of the characters, only of the pain I inflict upon them.

So Far: Tally came back from summer looking the polar opposite from the way she was during the year.

Chapter 29

Or

Of Breaking the Mold and Flaws in the Plan

Routine, thank God, can drown out almost everything. Classes, clubs, Quidditch tryouts and prefects' meetings are like white noise that cover up the true disaster on everybody's mind. The first full week of September was like that; at the end of it, it'd been more than two weeks since the incident at the ministry, and even though the number of witches and wizards calling him You-Know-Who was increasing, the students at Hogwarts were being numbed by the routine.

For the seventh year students, the pressure was higher than ever. It was only the second weekend, and already Lily and Dorcas were sitting in the former's private quarters on a Saturday night, debating an Ancient Runes assignment.

"This has to be twelve inches," Lily complained. "No more, no less. We don't have time to discuss Perrin's theorem – "

"Sure we do, look, we can just summarize the translation of the – "

"That's just stupid, we're basing our entire case on – "

There was a knock on the door and Lily and Dorcas unanimously raised their heads and simultaneously asked: "Who is it?"

"It's Mary."

"Come in," Lily said, while Dorcas returned her attention to one of the heavy books. Mary walked in, standing about awkwardly, as Dorcas continued as if uninterrupted.

"Look, even Samuels says, if we want to deal with the Sumerian texts, we have to address Perrin's theorem, and I distinctly remember – "

"Dorcas, this can wait," Lily said slightly curtly. "What is it, Mary?"

Mary hesitated. "Dorcas, d'you mind if I could have a word just with Lily?"

Dorcas sighed dramatically and looked at Lily. "This is due Monday."

"I'm well aware," said Lily. "We'll finish it tomorrow morning, first thing, right after breakfast. Okay?"

Dorcas sighed again. "Great. Fine." She picked up her things and stalked out.

Once she was gone, Lily pointed to where she'd been only moments ago. "Sit. Talk." Mary obliged the first command, but didn't the second. "Mary," Lily warned.

"It's Tally," Mary admitted. "I've been, well, paying attention to her."

Lily startled. "Why? What's going on?"

"Well," Mary said, "it's complicated. Remember – remember that Tally looked so sick all the time last year? And then she came back from the summer all… happy and shite? Well, she's starting to look sick again. And she's never around, constantly running about, sleeping an hour a night. It's only been a week, you know, but she's pale and – "

"Mary," Lily said softly.

"I know it's none of my business anymore, but listen, I really think – "

"Mary, Tally isn't getting enough sleep because she's hanging around with all those burnouts from the other houses, remember? Who knows what she's on. This isn't healthy for you, especially when considering how horrible she was to you last – "

"I saw her talking to Snape," Mary said. "And they weren't exchanging homework assignments."

"You mean, they were – " Lily looked grossed out.

"What? No! Ew!"

"Then what?"

"They were talking, but they looked – they looked scheming," Mary admitted.

"You realize you sound like James Potter, right?"

"You realize I'm really worried, right?"

Lily sighed. "What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," admitted Mary. "But – maybe you could, using your position, find out something? Ask or snoop, I don't really care. I'm worried, is all."

"Okay, Mary," Lily said, sighing. "I'll do it."

"I won't do it," Remus said.

They were sitting together at lunch on Monday, after Lily had intercepted him on the way there, pulling him aside and preventing him from sitting with the rest of the Marauders. Lily, who was in a good mood over handing in the assignment in Ancient Runes, had had what she thought was a great idea, and turned to Remus for help. Only, he disagreed with her on that last point, that is, he didn't think it was a good idea at all.

"Why?" whined Lily. "It's just a little bit of help. With something that's slightly off book but is still morally right. That's exactly your forte."

"Admittedly, that's true," Remus said. "But this isn't just a little bit of help. You – " he switched to a whisper – "you want me to break into McGonagall's office and steal some probably very well hidden files. That's suicide."

"Oh, come on," Lily said nonchalantly.

"Really, it is," Remus assured her.

"But you're a Marauder," Lily whined yet again. "James would do it."

"James," Remus said dryly, "is an idiot, and you know that as well as I do, maybe even better."

"Sirius would do it too. Hell, even Peter would do it. But I'm on patrol with you this week, so I can cover for you. Come on, please?"

"You know those eyes don't work on me, right? I've grown immune."

"Remus," Lily said, batting her eyelashes. "Please."

He looked at her, then looked away. He sighed. "Oh, okay, fine. But only – and I mean only – if you come with. I'm not doing this alone. Also, I'm letting Peter help."

"Why Peter?" Lily asked awkwardly.

"Believe me," Remus said. He began gathering his things, as the lunch period was ending. "He's an expert at getting into tight places."

The plan went, in short, as following:

Peter, in ways he refused to disclose to Lily, would sneak into the office after hours and let Lily and Remus in. Peter would leave and stand watch, leaving the other two to do their business. Conducting a quick search, they would look for any files McGonagall might have on Tally, copy 'em, and leave. Peter would lock the office from the inside and sneak out, making sure they left no evidence of their visit behind. They would be back on patrol by ten o'clock.

Remus, as was his way, was skeptical. "How are we going to copy them?"

"Believe it or not," Lily said, "I know some handy spells as well. All we need is some parchment."

The plan was to be executed Thursday night, which was the night of the shared patrol, and that day all day Lily felt as though she was quite visibly shaking. She was sure they would be caught; the plan was simple, there was no reason they would be caught, but she was certain nonetheless. It was bound to happen, it seemed almost appropriate actually, that one of the only times she would break curfew for a non-selfish purpose (contrasted with the copious amounts of alcohol consumed past year) she would get caught.

And yet, nobody noticed how nervous she was. Nobody saw her shaking, her sweat never seemed to attract attention. It was as if fate was on her side; everybody was too busy to notice anybody else.

As patrol grew closer, she went over the plan yet again. And again. And again. And again. She was ready. She was uber-ready. She would do this, for Mary. Even if it made no sense to her and she wasn't really sure anything was wrong. By the time patrol actually came along, she was convinced something was going to go awry.

"I have a bad feeling about this," she admitted to Remus as they walked, all casual, towards McGonagall's office. "Like something really horrible is about to happen."

"You do remember that you were the one who convinced me to go along with this, right?"

"Yeah, I know. It's just – "

"We've got a foolproof plan," Remus reminded her. "What could possibly happen?"

Lily stopped dead in place. "You did not just say that. You jinxed it!"

"What? What did I do?" Remus said, stopping as well, a twinge of panic seeping into his voice.

"You asked what could possibly happen! Now something horrible must happen! McGonagall's gonna still be in her office and catch Peter, or Filch will try to give us detention, or – "

"Fine, okay," Remus said, interrupting her. "You want reassurance? I can promise you, Peter will be able to tell whether someone is even in the same floor as us. Seriously, you can relax."

Lily still looked skeptical, but began walking again, catching up to Remus. "You know, and I'm not doubting Peter here, but you seem to think that he's all powerful, and I've seen him in class and his strength isn't really charms – "

"That's not how he'll be able to tell," Remus reassured her. "It's…" This time, he was the one to stop, and he turned to face Lily. "Okay, you cannot tell anyone about this."

"What? What is it?" Lily asked.

"Well, the four of us – that is, Peter, Sirius, James and I – we made a map. Of the school. And, well – we've used some really complex magic on it – it's hard to explain – but – "

A door opened down the hall, startling them; they hadn't noticed they'd reached McGonagall's office. "What are you doing?" Peter hissed. "Come in already."

They did, blushing as they did. Peter, who'd been recruited on a need-to-know basis, hadn't conducted a search of the room, because he didn't know what he was looking for. He mentioned the wasted five minutes to them, pointing out that if he knew what this was all about he'd been able to help, only to be met with silence. He slipped out after that, ready to keep watch.

Remus and Lily went about the room, searching for any evidence on what was going on with Tally. They had found exactly nothing but a detention slip from the end of last year before Peter came rushing in: "McGonagall's on her way straight here!"

Hurriedly, they shoved every piece of paper back in its approximate place and ran out. Peter stayed inside, locking the door from in there, as per their plan. Remus and Lily, meanwhile, walked slowly, as if they were still patrolling, as though nothing had been done that was out of order.

Very quickly, they heard footsteps from behind them, and as one, turned around. It was, of course, Professor McGonagall, but it was Professor McGonagall as they'd never seen her; she looked tired and weary, and she was wearing her nightclothes, her hair a mess outside of its usual strict bun.

"Miss Evans," said McGonagall, "I must insist you come with me immediately."

Lily and Remus exchanged looks. "Where are we going, Professor?" Lily asked.

"Professor Dumbledore's office," Professor McGonagall replied. "I am afraid it is rather urgent. Mr. Lupin, you can return to Gryffindor Tower in the meantime; there is no need for you to continue your patrolling alone."

"Yes, Professor," Remus replied politely, exchanging yet another look with Lily before walking away.

Lily and Professor McGonagall reached Dumbledore's office eventually, but to Lily, it felt like forever. Or it felt like no time at all. Lily wasn't really sure; she didn't know why she was being summoned to see Dumbledore. Was there something wrong with her as Head Girl? Did somebody find out and tattle about their plan for tonight? If so, why wasn't Remus summoned along with her, and why wasn't Peter here?

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans," Professor McGonagall said, and that was, evidently, the current password to Dumbledore's office, as the gargoyles responded immediately.

Lily hesitated.

"Go on, Miss Evans," the professor said. She looked profoundly unhappy, as if this was the worst moment of her life. Lily didn't know what to do, so she went on.

For a moment, as she climbed the steps to Dumbledore's office, Lily indulged her darkest fears: she was being kicked out of Hogwarts. These past six years were somehow a mistake; Lily wasn't magical after all.

But it was only a moment.

Dumbledore's office was as it had always been, full of wonders and magic and little thingamabobs that did things that she didn't understand. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk; in another chair, was sitting a familiar woman –

"Hi, Lily."

Lily startled. "Mom!" She ran up to her and hugged her. "What's going on?"

Her mother looked at Dumbledore for only a moment, and he nodded. "Lily, I have something to tell you, and it's not going to be easy to hear…"

When Lily was much younger, five or six, she woke up one morning to find her mother packing. "Your father," she'd told the tiny Lily, "has won tickets for Disneyland." Her mother was busy, and so she wasn't going with them, but Tuney and Lily and her father were all packed by the end of the day.

Lily didn't really pay attention during the actual traveling, and retained no memory even of the plane; she was too focused on Disneyland, and too uninterested in airports. The hotel she loved; it was, to be honest, the fanciest place she'd ever been. She remembered every bit of it she'd managed to explore with and without Petunia, remember the color of the ceiling and the fake gold shining at the edges of the four-poster, she remembered the men in suits lounging in every corner and women in scandalous bathing suits in hot-tubs the two girls were not allowed inside. It was her mind palace come to life, her adventure.

They were to stay in the U.S. for three days, and only two of those days were for Disneyland; the middle one had been purposed for laying and playing around the outdoor pools. And they did just that; in fact, Petunia spent so much time in the sun that she was completely covered with sunburns, and couldn't move the next day.

For reasons Lily, once again, could not remember, they made the decision not to stay with her, and so the next morning Lily carefully hugged Petunia goodbye before heading to Disneyland with their father. They spent seven hours there, just the two of them, exploring the magical wonderland that was Disneyland, all according to her whims and wants.

At a certain point, she decided that she wanted ice cream. It must have been late afternoon, but the sun seemed to never go down in California, and even years later, the first thing that came to mind when she thought of the United States was melting ice cream. In any case, her father asked her to stay where she was, promising to be back with the gelato at any moment.

There must have been a long line, but little Lily didn't take that into consideration, and when what she perceived as a long time had passed, she went looking for him.

At least an hour had passed, according to her father, before she'd wandered right back to where she'd begun. There were people looking for her, but apparently nobody'd been able to find her. She never told anyone she'd accidentally found herself floating, and didn't know how to put herself back down again. It was only when she'd seen the ice cream stand and turned around to find that her father was standing exactly where he said he'd be back for her that she managed to come back down.

Her father had grounded her. He always had.

Lily wasn't in any of her classes Friday, and stayed missing all weekend. The usual prefects' meeting Saturday night was handled without the Head Girl, and Dorcas did the Muggle Studies homework with Mary by her side. She was missing from morning classes Monday as well, but showed up to breakfast, as though nothing had happened. In fact, Lily seemed, to the casual observer, to be as animated and carefree as usual.

To the non-casual observer, however, there seemed to be more going on. For example, as Mary noted, Lily wasn't big on makeup but she did tend to put on mascara in the mornings, and she usually added a bit of color – earrings, or a scarf – to her outfit; she did neither. Remus, on the other hand, noted how expertly Lily avoided talking to any of her friends for long all of the day; she paid close attention in class, surrounded herself with casual acquaintances during lunch, went missing during breaks and was nowhere to be found all evening. Marlene meanwhile commented on her dryness, how she seemed to be faking all of her interactions; Dorcas agreed. James, Peter and Sirius checked the Map and found that, at least in the evening, she was hiding in her room.

And so it was that all of the aforementioned were standing outside Lily's private room at the top of the stairs to the girls' dormitory shortly before midnight. They had squabbled about this for a while beforehand, and even now that they were stood there, nobody reached out and knocked. All of them looked at each other once more; Mary caught Peter's eye, and motioned for him to do the honors. He did just that, but the knocking itself was feeble and almost unheard; he paused for a second, then knocked again.

"Come in," said Lily, in an almost unrecognizably high-pitched voice.

The door opened, and the group spilled in like a tidal wave. The room seemed quite large, by Hogwarts' standards, but this was probably just a trick of the senses, as the room was equal to any other dormitory; it was simply emptier. There was only one bed, though it, also, seemed to be bigger than the average four-poster bed given to the rest of the Gryffindors, a nightstand, a bookcase with a double-seater sofa, and a single (significantly larger than standard) desk. The floor was covered completely by a soft, light orange carpet, and the walls were painted a deep scarlet. There was an additional door on the opposite end of the room, presumably leading to the bathroom.

"Hi," Lily said, not looking up from the book spread in front of her.

"Hi," the group said in unison.

James stepped forward. "Lily – "

"I know you guys wonder why I've been gone," she said, eyes still fixed on her book. "I'm going to tell you. You guys might want to sit down." For the first time, she looked at the group, but seemed as though she wasn't looking at them. She waved her wand, and seven chairs appeared, all facing the bed. They all sat down wordlessly.

"To those of you keeping up," she began, grabbing a bookmark from the nightstand, "my dad was on some sort of company retreat all summer. Only he wasn't.

"As I'm sure Remus has told you by now, McGonagall came to grab me from our patrol on Thursday night." She looked at him, and he nodded slowly, almost shamefully. "My mom was at the school that night. She came – she came to tell me that my Dad had cancer, and that he wasn't going to last the night."

"Shit fuck," muttered Dorcas.

Lily continued as though she was not interrupted. "The doctors were wrong; he lived through the night. But he wasn't getting better, and he died very early Saturday morning, just before sunrise. After the funeral – after the funeral – after, my mother told me I shouldn't miss school. She sent me back here. So. Here I am."

"Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry," said Marlene, reaching for her –

"I'm okay," Lily said, smiling. She looked washed out, pale, the bags under her eyes more prominent than ever. Even her red hair seemed faded, like a shirt that's passed through the washing machine too many times. "Really, I'm fine. I've been better, of course, but I – I'm here. I'm fine. I just wanted you guys to know, so you wouldn't worry about me."

Mary was outraged at that. "Of course we worry about you!"

"So you wouldn't think that something had happened to me, is what I meant," Lily amended. She rubbed her eyes. "I'm tired. I'd like to go to sleep now."

The group all protested at once, but Lily waved her wand and the chairs disappeared from under them; they grew quiet at once.

"Get. Out."

Slowly, they all shuffled out of the room. Lily crashed on the bed, glad to have them gone – or at least so she thought; the door had closed, but a small cough alerted her to the existence of Peter Pettigrew in her own, private rooms, after she'd ordered everyone out.

"What?" she asked, irritably, leaning on her forearms.

"It's just – " he said. "It's just you're not the only one who's lost a parent."

She blanked. Oh.

"So – I mean, I would understand if you didn't, but I lost my dad too, so if you wanted someone to talk to – " he shrugged. "I'm here. And I'm a good listener."

Lily nodded. "Thanks, Peter," she said softly.

"I'll get out of your hair now," Peter said, walking swiftly to the door. He opened it, then held it open, hesitating. "Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?"

She shrugged. "Go ahead."

"I think you need to remember how much people love you," he said. "Because if you abandon them, eventually they'll give up on you. I don't think that you're going to – it's just – it's easy to stay angry or empty a really long time after… something like this. But you should remember that what you're really feeling is sad. Okay?"

She nodded.

He closed the door.

A/N: Right, so... I'm back.

Q: What's taken you so long?

A: My computer broke. TWICE. (The N button is still giving me grief.) Also, I've had other things on my mind. So what if it's been two years since I started this. I have an idea for a story about a lesbian, and it's original fiction (!) (sorta). Also, school! Also, what the hell am I doing next year? Even I don't know yet. (Also I've updated my TRC fic like twice shhhhhh)

Q: WHY MUST YOU HURT ME SO?

A: I'm debating between shrugging and laughing evilly.

Q: So... what comes next?

A: Most of the next few chapters are REALLY short. Like, Of Friends Who Need to Eat short. I'm not sorry for any heartache that will result of only having a few bits of my amazing writing, but I am working on like a million things and like, graduating this year. Which is... sort of a Big Deal.

Listen guys. LISTEN. The next few chapter alternate between Plot Development and Character Development. I'm sorry, but things must happen and they will hurt and you will hate me but. IT'S IMPORTANT. This is Jily. But you need to remember that these characters are, in fact, total idiots, so they must go through more suffering.

Soorynotsorry.

Have a great Passover, you guys (or if you celebrated Easter, I hope the chocolate was tasty),

JustGail