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So Far: Tally has been going on mysterious walks. Remus used to date a Muggle named Natalie.

Chapter 31

Or

Of a Heart to Heart

It was far too late at night to be out and about, but under the Cloak, they felt invincible.

This was often true, especially when it was all four of them, discovering every secret this place had ever held, the magic of it never fading even as they realized there was nothing left to discover. They wrote it all down, you see; every little bit of it was right there, on this piece of paper now held between the two of them, the culmination of years of exploring and laughing and being and it was right there, between them, and they felt invincible.

Tally's dot on the map was two hallways ahead of them, which was on purpose. The Invisibility Cloak had been borrowed from James' trunk, as the man himself was busy making sure Lily survived her grief. Sirius himself had gone to get it, sneaking around in the dorm where Peter was already fast asleep. He'd been gone only a moment, but Remus had already found Tally's whereabouts when he'd rejoined him. Now, they were discovering. Now, they were invincible. Now, they would finally discover the latest secret this castle held.

It was going to be a long night. Tally had stopped several times already for the express purpose of looking for any people who might be following her, and so the two who were, in fact, following her, had hung back. She was exiting the castle through a secret tunnel that Filch knew about; there was not much point in following her that way, so instead they chose their own path. She was heading for the Forbidden Forest, it seemed, and Sirius and Remus followed her. But by the time they had reached the forest's edge, Tally was already heading back; it seemed as though whatever she'd been doing was already done, which was odd indeed.

They followed Tally all the way back to Gryffindor tower, but didn't enter it with her. When the Fat Lady portrait closed over the passageway, Remus pulled the Cloak off of both of them and stared ahead for a moment.

Then Sirius said what they were both thinking: "What the fuck was that?"

"Was she just going out for a walk? Was she doing something nefarious and evil every night but tonight? Does she have a thing for peeing in the woods and doesn't want anyone to know?"

Sirius had been going on like this for a while. The two of them, Sirius and Remus, didn't feel like going back to their dorm after running around – they were both still pretty energized – so they decided to keep walking around the school till they got tired.

"Is she just a decoy? Did she somehow know she was being followed and she just laid us astray? Did she – "

"Sirius," Remus said, "do me a favor and shut the fuck up."

The silence was eerie, but at least it was there. Perhaps Sirius was shocked into silence; perhaps he simply actually cared about the well-being of his friend. In any case, he shut up and kept walking.

It must have been almost two am when they finally headed back for Gryffindor tower.

"You know," Remus said, thinking of Lily, among other things, "this has not been the best year."

"No, it hasn't," Sirius admitted, scratching the back of his head. He was making a face, and Remus had to stop himself from laughing. "Between relationship drama and all the racism, I can't wait for 1978 to roll around."

"I couldn't agree more," Remus said solemnly. His feet were weary; where were they in the castle, anyway? Were they lost?

"Do you know where we are?" asked Sirius, echoing Remus' thoughts.

"Not a clue."

To their left, there was a door, and on a whim, they opened it. Inside, there was a sitting room, with a fireplace already burning.

"Do you remember ever finding this place?" asked Remus. He was so tired. The world outside was just getting cold, and so the fireplace was just perfect. He wanted to melt into one of the chairs; but if the fire was burning, that meant that there was somebody coming back for it.

He was about to say something, but it was too late; Sirius was already sitting on a large sofa, red and plush. Remus joined him, sinking into a pink armchair right next to him. It was so soft, and he just wanted to fall asleep…

"I wonder who set up this fire," Sirius said, once again mimicking Remus' thoughts exactly. "But it's so nice here. They probably won't mind us being here, right?"

"I don't fucking know, Sirius," he said. "I don't fucking know."

"That's odd," Sirius muttered. "Usually you know everything."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

For a moment, the fire crackling was the only sound to be heard in the room.

"It's just that normal people," Sirius admitted, "people who work hard and all the time – they can't seem to get on your level. But you – you're a fuggin' werewolf, mate. You're a fuckin' werewolf and you're still top-of-the-class, get all the attention – "

"I'm not doing it for the attention, Sirius," Remus snapped. "Maybe that's why I do so well."

"Bullcrap," Sirius said. "You're forgetting that I fuckin' know you. You love when people notice you. You're so used to the thought of nobody paying attention to you, that you never seem to be able to imagine that there's something worth looking at."

Remus only managed a feeble: "Shut up," and surprisingly enough, Sirius did. Twice in one night. That was impressive.

The firelight was casting shadows on Sirius' handsome features, playing with the scars and lines left there from pranks and other unsavory things. Remus remembered them fondly, the weeks spent planning and the execution alike.

"We don't really… do a lot of marauding anymore, do we? I mean, obviously not marauding specifically – " that was a bit unpleasant, wasn't it? – "but more like… pranks and goofing around."

"We go out with you every month," Sirius pointed out. He wasn't looking at Remus.

Remus nodded anyway. "Yes, you do. But… that isn't why we're called the Marauders. That's not why we made the Map or stole James' dad's Cloak. That's not why – "

"Remus, what is this about?"

He thought about it for a moment then said, "We're in our last year. I want to spend it with my friends."

This made Sirius look at him, and his eyes were fire. "Remus…"

"What?"

"You know we're not going to abandon you after Hogwarts, right?"

"People drift apart when they leave school all the time."

"Not us," Sirius said. He looked away, once again staring at the fire, unblinking, as though trying to blind himself. "Not. Us. Do you understand me? We're not just any group of friends. We're the Marauders. We made the Map and stole the Cloak and all become beasts once a month. We prank and fool around and laugh at James' bad jokes and we get good grades just because we can. We're going to be legends, mate, legends, and you think that we're going to just… drift apart after school ends?"

Remus could feel his face warm at that. Shit. "Okay, yeah. But – it's not like the real world is the same as here. I'm still a – a werewolf, I just don't have – all the safety nets."

"Nobody has safety nets once they leave school," Sirius said. "That's what makes real life so scary."

Remus wasn't sure what time it was when he startled awake, but the fire was still burning with the same intensity it had been burning before. The flames were almost hypnotic, vaguely reminding Remus of a book he couldn't quite remember reading. Perhaps he'd read it early in his childhood.

"You're awake," Sirius said, his voice low and tired. Remus looked at him through droopy eyes, his hard lines and soft eyes matching him in tiredness. He thought of Natalie, of her soft features and steel eyes. He couldn't remember what it was he'd liked about her anymore. "We should probably go."

"How long have I been asleep?" He yawned, stretching.

"About two hours," Sirius said. "I think. It was hard to keep track of time."

Two hours of nothing. Remus couldn't even remember dreaming.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you think of Natalie?"

Sirius hesitated. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I just… you met her. What did you think?"

"She was… shy. But strong. And – well. The only one you've ever been interested in, so I guess she must have been special."

"She must have been," Remus agreed. Until she wasn't. "Why do you never date?"

Sirius shrugged. "I've never been the type, I guess. I don't – I mean, I see the appeal. But I also don't. I've never wanted anything more than a good snog. I've never seen someone and gone: Oh yes, that person is just it for me, I want to do terrible, terrible things to them. I've always just been… me."

"Wait, so – are you a virgin?" Remus asked, caught off-guard by the honesty.

"Yeah. What, don't you think you would have known?" Sirius grinned. "I tell you guys everything."

Remus shook his head. "You've been on so many dates, I just assumed."

"Well, you were wrong," Sirius said. "I've never even wanted to."

Eventually, they felt as though they had the energy to walk all the way back to Gryffindor tower. By the time they got back to the dorm, all but James were asleep.

"Where were you guys?" he asked, looking much more awake – and worried – than they did.

Sirius shrugged. "Nowhere important. What's got you up so late?" Sirius and Remus sat down on Sirius' bed, and Sirius crashed down, closing his eyes.

For a moment, James looked torn. But then he looked straight into Remus' eyes and said: "Lily tried to kiss me."

A/N: Hello, readers. There's a bunch of new readers, so welcome. And to the old ones: it's been a while.

Where the hell have I been, huh? Last time I posted, I was sure I was going to finish this fic over the summer. And now... well, it's almost 2017. Only a few hours to go, even. I swear, I was so sure I was going to write a ton during the summer.

Then the writer's block hit me like a piano falling from the sky. I've written very sporadically over the past six months - mostly poetry, one fic for a gift exchange, a couple of words here and there both in this fic and my personal projects. But I've hit a rut, and honestly, I'm still not out of it. On the other hand, I've adopted a cat and I've called her Buffy, so things are looking up.

I don't know when the next chapter is coming, but the emails lately about new followers are definitely what motivated me to sit down and write. So in case you were wondering, yes, I still want reviews. They're the only thing that keeps me writing.

Lots of love and happy new year,

JustGail