The Lover and The Best Friend Chapter 7: Public and Private, a hunger games fanfic

A/N: I apologize profusely for how long it's taken to finish this chapter. If it wins me any points, it is a long one (the equivalent of two chapters!). I know how I want this entire story to end; the challenge has been in all the details. Anyway, I hope it's worth the wait. Thank you all for your interest in this story, and happy reading! Reviews are welcomed.

He must have come in the middle of the night to retrieve the pillows from his side of the bed.

Katniss fell asleep waiting to hear the stairs creak under his weight, hoping he would still lie beside her and give her access to his beating heart, her lullaby.

She drifted asleep to the late evening rainstorm that sounded like a symphony of twigs battering the house, and she woke a few hours later for no apparent reason, patting his side of the bed before lifting her laden eyelids in the black, blaringly silent bedroom.

That's when she noticed that his pillows were gone. He was gone.

Now she was fully awake, her body tensing with realization. With hands pulling and feet pushing, she freed herself from the covers and climbed out of bed, determined to find Peeta.

I have to make this right. He has to come back. I need to fight this. I have to fight this.

But after more than five years of one fight after another, Katniss Everdeen Mellark had absolutely no fight left. She made it as far as the door knob, clutching it as she sank to the floor, landing in a pile on her knees, void of the fire that an entire nation thought always burned.

She'd fought to suppress her own sorrow after her father's sudden death so she could pry her mother from her catatonic state. When her mother remained unresponsive, she'd fought to provide food so they wouldn't starve.

She'd fought to walk with her head held high and to appear unfazed by the whispers and snickers of Merchant children who hadn't lost the breadwinners of their families and who were clearly better dressed and better fed.

With only a moment's notice, she'd fought her fears and sacrificed her own life to keep Prim from reaching the stage after the younger girl's name had been called at the reaping. She'd fought for the judges' respect and for sponsors' support while training for the Games.

She'd fought to survive the arena. She'd fought to memorialize Rue with dignity. She'd fought to keep Peeta alive. She'd fought - and was still fighting - to keep President Snow satisfied. She'd fought to keep Gale happy. She'd fought to keep Allister from raping her...

And like fragile glass in freefall to the ground, Katniss shattered. She clamored back to the bed, gasping for breath, her face crumpling in a heart-wrenching sob that she unloaded into her pillow as she weakly beat the mattress with her fists.

I can't fight anymore! I'm too tired! I should have died in the arena and this would all be over! I wish I'd died! I can't take anymore!

Nearly two hours passed before she quieted. She rolled onto her back in stages, pausing after each effort. She was empty - physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted.

Suddenly, behind her closed eyelids flashed an image of the cabin deep in the woods - the one her father had taken her to, the one no one knew about. It was like an answer to prayers she didn't know she'd prayed.

Her mind raced with the possibility.

I can disappear. I can leave before dawn and never come back. I just need supplies until I reach the cabin, and I can hunt for food once I get there. This can all be over.

Maybe it was an answer to someone else's prayers, but in that moment, Prim's face flashed in Katniss's mind, replacing the fading image of the cabin. And Katniss knew she had to stay for the sake of the one person she knew she loved. She couldn't leave Prim.

So just like she'd done countless times before, Katniss collected her broken pieces, leaving behind what she couldn't carry. Hers was a life where she was powerless to make her own choices, yet powerful enough to break Peeta's heart. Again.

"I'm so sorry Peeta," she said hoarsely into the silence, her eyes still squeezed shut. "You deserve so much better than me."

Exhaustion soon took the role of her husband's heartbeat and in the absence of the symphonic rain, Katniss fell asleep to the sound of her own jerking breaths.

Peeta went to bed on Sunday night feeling encouraged and empowered - like he could successfully reassemble his heart and safeguard it from Katniss, who'd made a habit of breaking it.

But by morning, his resolve had abandoned him, and his own habits betrayed him. As soon as he opened his eyes, he glanced to his right, to where she was usually nestled beside him with the hand that clutched his shirt as she fell asleep resting lightly against his chest. He'd made a habit of planting light kisses on her forehead until she stirred and made that adorable chewing motion in her sleep.

It was one of the habits he had to break.

He'd already broken one habit when he decided to sleep in the bedroom across the hall. He'd made the decision as he stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing his paint brushes. He watched vibrant globs of paint fall into the sink, then he emptied the murky jar of water where paintbrushes had been swirled free of color while he painted.

It all became so clear. Separately, the colors were stunning and rich, and when they were used together on the canvas, they complimented each other. But when dipped into the jar of water, all the vibrant colors morphed into something murky and undesirable.

That's like me and Katniss. We work well together in public, when we need to. But this house is like the jar of water. When we are alone together, when we share a bed, things get murky, and I get confused. I don't ever want to be so confused again that I miss the truth staring me in the face. We have to go back to sleeping alone.

As he lay in bed, he draped his forearm across his eyes and sighed deeply. He'd been so convinced that Katniss was becoming his. But it only took Katniss two minutes alone with Gale for Peeta to realize what a fool he'd been.

I've been fighting a losing battle all these years. Katniss will never be mine. It's Gale she wants. It will always be Gale she wants.

Peeta scoped the powder blue walls of the unfamiliar bedroom. It was smaller than the master, but it easily fit a full-sized bed, a dresser and chest of drawers, an armoire, and a recliner that was positioned underneath a brass, curved-neck floor lamp with a stained glass shade. And then there was the window, all he really needed, which he'd left open during last night's rainstorm. This room was simple and comfortable and a perfect size for him.

If the bedroom lacked anything, it was an alarm clock. Peeta regularly set an alarm as a fail-safe, but his internal clock always woke him before the alarm had a chance. He made a mental note to move the alarm clock from the guest bedroom downstairs where he'd slept during those tumultuous early weeks of their marriage.

I guess we've made some progress since then, he thought ruefully. At least we're no longer at each other's throats.

Peeta's anger surged as his thoughts shifted to Gale. Whenever Peeta and Katniss were at each other's throats, whenever there was upset in their relationship, whenever there was tension in their home, Gale was at the center of it. Katniss didn't have to admit that Gale had been influencing her. Peeta was far more perceptive than either Gale or Katniss gave him credit for.

He threw off the covers and headed to the bathroom inside the master bedroom. She was still asleep, curled in a fetal position with her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She didn't look comfortable at all. Just yesterday, if he'd seen her sleeping like this, he would have pulled her into his arms.

That was yet another habit to break. He couldn't touch her when he wanted to, like he'd grown accustomed to doing. It was a murky area, and he would only confuse himself.

Inside the bathroom, Peeta detached the lighter weight prosthesis that was custom designed for sleeping.

Like most 12-18 year olds in Panem, Peeta never wanted to be reaped for the Hunger Games. And when he was selected as Katniss's fellow tribute, he certainly didn't want to win. But when both things happened, he had to admit that he'd received the best, most advanced care possible in the Capitol. Peeta returned to District 12 with several styles of custom-fit prostheses - one for rigorous physical activity, one for sitting for long periods of time, one for standing for long periods of time, one engineered for multipurpose use, and one for sleeping.

He was most grateful for his sleeping prosthesis. Being a tribute in the Hunger Games heightened Peeta's sense of danger, and he was most wary of the night when sleeping already put him at a disadvantage. If he ever needed to protect Katniss or defend their home in an instant, he didn't want to have to stop to re-attach his prosthesis - another disadvantage.

"I'm told that sleeping in a prosthetic leg had previously been discouraged in the medical community, but this is brand new technology that changes all of that," Effie had announced proudly as she tottered around his hospital room after his surgery, adjusting the blinds to let sunlight in while Haymitch squinted from a chair in the corner. "Nothing but the best for our victor."

Each prosthesis was a perfect fit and, save the initial days of getting use to the artificial limb, Peeta had very minimal pain. Soon, he'd gotten use to not having part of his leg.

The only prosthesis that didn't exist was one for showering. His physician had explained that Peeta needed to "let his leg breathe" every day and to thoroughly wash the stump and apply cream to prevent infection.

So when he'd returned to District 12, Peeta and Daniel set up the master bathroom with everything Peeta needed. They installed a plastic bench inside the shower. They placed a pair of crutches and a padded wood bench outside the shower door so Peeta could sit while drying. Peeta stored his prostheses in the spacious linen closet inside the bathroom.

His physician also told him to expect his leg to swell after he showered. It wouldn't be anything noticeable to the naked eye, but the swelling would be obvious when he tried to reattach his prosthetic leg. Then, the physician showed Peeta how to operate the adjustable top on on each prosthesis, which was designed to accommodate temporary swelling. This meant that he didn't just have to restrict his showering to night time to accommodate swelling. Peeta like to shower in the evenings to help him relax after a long day, but he also liked showering in the mornings to help wake him up. Once the swelling went down, he could easily readjust the prosthesis as needed.

Now seated under the spray of hot water, Peeta reached to the shower ledge for his body wash that was positioned behind a bottle of lavender-scented shampoo. He recoiled and quickly turned his face back to the water, hoping it was enough to save him.

But it was too late. His sorrow swelled and crashed like a tidal wave, and he finally broke down, sobbing bitterly into the heels of his hands, the shower water pelting the back of his neck.

I just want to go get her and pull her into my arms and make her see that she belongs with me. Why can't she see that she belongs with me? Why can't she want this too?

He cried for several minutes. When he found his resolve, Peeta chastised himself.

You've got to be stronger than this. She loves Gale. Katniss loves Gale. She doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. Just let go. Let her go.

As he sat on his drying bench, he marveled at how easy it was for him to desire her, to love her in a way that she couldn't reciprocate. And in that moment, Peeta knew what he had to do to truly let Katniss go and to reassemble his own heart.

He had to have a talk with Gale.

From the other end of the prep table, Daniel watched silently as Peeta angrily pounded his fist into a pile of dough. Across the room, Thatch and Rye had also taken notice.

"Here son, let me." Daniel approached with a hand to Peeta's shoulder, causing Peeta's eyes to widen in realization of what he'd done to the dough, which probably couldn't be saved. Peeta stood listlessly with flour-covered hands.

"There's a cake in the refrigerator that needs to be decorated," Daniel said. "The order form is in the basket on the counter."

Peeta rinsed his hands and retrieved the cake and the order form. The "Special Occasion" box was checked, and in his mother's handwriting was the word "Anniversary." The customers wanted a large lavender-colored flower atop the cake with lavender piping along the edges.

Peeta noisily ripped the top off the plastic vat of icing and began scooping some into a separate bowl so he could add purple food coloring and then fill a pastry bag.

"Why do they want this stupid purple icing all over their cake," Peeta grumbled as he angrily stirred in the food coloring. "And what's so special about anniversaries? It's completely ridiculous to buy an entire damn cake for some dumb anniversary. None of it matters anyway. None of it! It's all a stupid, meaningless, pointless –"

Daniel turned abruptly.

"Peeta." His tone was firm, but his eyes were full of concern. Peeta's eyes flipped to his father's. "Tell me what's wrong." Daniel lowered his voice to a whisper. "Did something else happen?"

Stone faced, Peeta went back to mixing the icing. "Nothing's wrong."

"Something's wrong." Thatch's voice came from behind Peeta's shoulder. "You've been brooding all morning. Are you alright?"

Just then, Peeta surveyed the faces of his father and brothers, taking in each quizzical expression.

"Sorry," Peeta mumbled. "I'm fine now."

From their conversation the day before, Daniel already knew that Katniss had broken his son's heart again. Given Peeta's angst, Daniel assumed that his son and Katniss had had a bad confrontation the night before. But Thatch and Rye weren't privy to the details of Peeta's marriage. They exchanged quizzical glances. Peeta was usually the calm, even-tempered one.

"Listen little bro," Thatch said with a sigh. "I'm no expert, but I know firsthand that marriage can be hard. It's a challenge learning to live with another person. But at the end of the day, if you two love each other, you have more than what most people will ever have in their lifetimes. And I believe that you love Katniss and she loves you, and –"

"What do you know, Thatch?!" Peeta bellowed at his eldest brother. "You don't know a damn thing about my marriage or what the hell I'm going through! So keep your shitty advice to yourself!"

Thatch's jaw dropped and all eyes widened in surprise at Peeta's outburst. The kitchen door swung open.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Nance hissed, trying to control her volume. "We have customers out there."

Peeta again surveyed each face, but this time he felt instant remorse. The people in that room were the only true family he had. And he needed them now more than ever. He took a deep breath.

"I'm… I'm sorry mom," he said hoarsely.

Nance eyed him with tight-lipped suspicion before she backed out the door. They could hear her chirping that it was a false alarm, that all was well.

Peeta turned to his brother. "I apologize, Thatch. I just... I can't..." In a rare occurrence, words failed Peeta, and his eyes welled with tears.

Thatch embraced him. "Hey, it's okay Peet. Things get better. You'll see."

Peeta felt his father's arms encircle him on his left as Rye pressed in on the right. And in that moment as they encircled him, for the first time in a very long time Peeta didn't feel alone. They gave him strength for what he had to do that day, the hardest thing he ever had to do.

Let Katniss go.

"This is bullshit!"

Gale slammed his fist on the kitchen table. It was early Monday afternoon, his first day of working part-time hours in the mines. He was the only one on his shift whose hours were cut, and he'd been given no explanation why.

He ran his arm across the kitchen table, sending utensils, pots and pans crashing to the floor. Then, he stared absently at the mess he made.

It wasn't the only mess he made recently.

The day before, his well-orchestrated kiss with Katniss had caused an upheaval, drawing the ire of their mothers, the disapproval of their siblings, and an embarrassment and confusion so strong that it sent Katniss fleeing to the woods.

Shortly after Peeta witnessed Katniss and Gale's kiss and rushed out of Maura's front door, Maura and Hazelle returned to confront Katniss and Gale.

"I will not allow you to betray your husband in this home, Katniss," Maura said fiercely, causing Katniss to pull ashamedly from Gale's arms.

Hazelle's words were even more damning.

"And how dare you interfere in their marriage, Gale? We are here because they are trying to help us survive, because your hours have been cut in the mines. And this is what you do? Kiss another man's wife? With him right outside? I don't know what's gotten into you lately!"

By the time Hazelle turned her attention to Katniss, Posy's incessant cries for Peeta had drawn Vick – whom Hazelle had given Posy to - and Rory and Prim from the outdoors.

"And Katniss, I expected more out of you. Peeta is your husband. You made vows to Peeta, not to Gale. Did you see the look on your husband's face? That poor boy is devastated."

Katniss looked completely stunned. Her lips parted wordlessly as she took in the accusing stares from everyone - even Posy who now understood that Katniss and Gale were to blame for Peeta's sudden departure.

But the look on Prim's face was most unsettling for Katniss. At first Prim looked perplexed, like she hadn't met this version of Katniss before, this insensitive, selfish person who would carelessly hurt the man who clearly loved her and who'd done all he could to rescue and avenge and heal her. Then, Prim's face darkened with angry realization. That look rattled Katniss to her core.

Katniss jerked, as if she finally understood the magnitude of what had transpired, the damage she'd done to Peeta. She ran tearfully out the front door, mumbling that she had to get to the woods.

Gale apologized and insisted on taking the blame. After all, it was his plan.

Gale didn't want to accept handouts, but Hazelle had insisted that he attend the gathering to show his appreciation. The Hawthornes had taken out too much tesserae already, and she didn't want to increase any of her children's chances of being reaped for the Games.

But Gale insisted on bringing something to the gathering, and since it was early Sunday afternoon and The Hob hadn't yet opened for trading, Gale was forced to spend coins at some Merchant shop buying a jar of preserves.

When he arrived at Maura's house, Katniss didn't even lift her eyes to acknowledge him. He was furious when he handed Maura the jar of preserves, when he made the quip about there being bread at the gathering, an obvious slight at Peeta. In Gale's mind, it was warranted. Peeta had obviously been taking advantage of Katniss's vulnerability in the days following her assault. Gale knew needed a chance to talk to Katniss alone, to dismantle the lies Peeta must have been telling her.

After the meal, the sounds of joyous laughter drew them all to the back porch to witness the rousing game of tag between Rory, Prim, Posy, and Peeta. And Gale watched jealously as Katniss smiled affectionately at Peeta as he and Posy executed the four-year-old's brand of strategy against Rory and Prim.

She was falling in love with Peeta. If no one else could see it, Gale could.

He had to do something. Quick.

So Gale touched her arm and motioned for her to join him inside the house. They sat on the couch and he asked a barrage of questions about how she was doing and what transpired on the night of the assault. He felt completely shut out and offended when she said she didn't want to discuss the assault, but that she was getting better, stronger every day.

Gale already knew the answer to his next question, but he wanted to observe her response.

"Has your mom been watching over you non-stop?"

"No. I mean she's stopped by every day to check on me and change my bandages, but Peeta's been taking care of me."

Gale watched her eyes dip to the carpet, the corners of her lips twitching into a furtive smile. She was reliving a memory that only she and Peeta knew about. It sickened Gale. He wanted to shake her from her stupor and demand that she not be lulled by Peeta's manipulation. But given the grin on her face and the fierce argument they'd had about Peeta on the night of her assault, Gale knew disparaging Peeta would backfire.

He had a more effective tool in his arsenal.

His pain.

He knew Katniss would respond, instantly and affectionately, to his pain.

Gale pulled out all the stops. His eyes filled with tears as told her about the agony and guilt of learning that one of his "so-called friends" had tried to rape her. A fat tear hung from his bottom eye lash when he told her how powerless and worthless he felt because he couldn't protect her. That tear rolled down his cheek when he said he was more in love with her than ever and that he would move heaven and earth to keep her safe. He wiped at the tear when he admitted that it hurt like hell to not be able to talk to her on top of everything else he was dealing with now that his hours would be reduced at work.

Everything Gale said was absolutely true. But he chose to use his emotions against her.

So when Gale stood abruptly from the couch with his head in his hands, and walked to the threshold of the hallway - out of direct view of the back porch where Maura and Hazelle sat in rocking chairs - he knew Katniss would follow him, longing to comfort him.

When she lightly touched his forearm, Gale slowly slid an arm around her waist and easily pulled her chest to his chest, her lips to his lips. She didn't resist. He only wanted to reclaim her, to make her realize that what they had would always be more powerful than anything Peeta could offer.

Moments later, they were surprised by Posy's squeal. And there was Peeta, looking like he'd lost the game he'd been playing for far too long. Eventually, Katniss was rushing out the front door to escape into the woods. He hadn't spoken to her since.

Gale began collecting the items he sent crashing to the floor of this mother's kitchen.

I know I could have handled that differently. But she felt it too; she knew our kiss was real. And as long as there's something to fight for, I'll fight as long as it takes.

A rapid knock on the front door pulled Gale from his thoughts.

"Just a minute."

Gale didn't expect to see him standing on the other side of the door.

"Peeta."

"Gale," he said, his face hardened. "We need to talk."

Gale watched apprehensively as Peeta took a seat at the kitchen table. He chose the seat opposite Peeta, the chair scraping the floor as he pulled it from the table.

"If you're looking for Katniss, she's not here," he said curtly. "You should try the woods behind Victor's Village."

Peeta remained eerily silent, his fingers lightly drumming the table as his eyes fixed intently on Gale who looked defiant but increasingly uneasy.

Finally, Peeta spoke.

"I'm here for three reasons, Gale. The first reason is Katniss. I don't appreciate you kissing my wife."

The chair again scraped the wood floor as Gale stood abruptly from the table, his lips twisted in a smirk. He walked to the sink and half-filled a glass with water. He didn't bother offering any to Peeta.

"Your wife kissed me back," Gale retorted. "I think your wife would rather be with me."

"I know she would. That's why I'm here."

Gale slowly pulled the glass from his lips. He eyed Peeta skeptically. "What?"

Peeta leaned forward, clasping his hands on the table. "I'm here to let you know you've won. She wants to be with you. You have her heart."

Confusion and suspicion played on Gale's face.

Peeta sighed deeply. "When I saw Katniss kissing you, she looked like all was right with the world. She looked content in your arms. I have no doubt that she wants to be with you. That she'll always want to be with you."

"And you stopped by to tell me this because…"

"Because I want you to know that I'm no longer trying to win her heart. It's unfair enough that she and I were forced to marry – and I know she told you about Snow's demands – but it would be even more unfair to confuse her about who she wants. You and I both know who she wants. It's you."

He pondered Peeta's words. This was not the conversation Gale was expecting.

"Is this a joke? Why are you giving up so easily?"

"Easily?" Peeta laughed humorlessly. "I've carried a torch for her since I was five years old. There's nothing easy about this. I'm just here because by telling you, I'm also making it official for myself. I'm letting her go, and there's no going back now. Katniss and I will only ever be friends trying to survive a life neither one of us asked for."

Then Gale saw the honesty and heartbreak in Peeta's eyes. It was like staring at the sun; at some point, it was too much to handle and Gale had to look away.

"Here's what I'm saying Gale," Peeta continued. "I will do everything in my power to see Katniss safe and happy. At this point, that's all I want. I believe you want the same. Am I right?"

Gale nodded lowering back into his seat at the table. "Absolutely."

"My hope is that once the new victor is named in this year's Hunger Games, I can get a meeting with President Snow. My plan is ask him to let me and Katniss divorce and to make it a big national story with cameras and scripts and drama. I'm hoping he will agree to let me, not Katniss, take the fall for the failure of our marriage, and that certain families will be shielded in the midst of all this. That includes my family, Maura and Prim, and your family. If I can figure out a way to make him look good in this and promote the Capitol's agenda, I'm hoping he will go along with it."

"And if he lets you two divorce –"

"Katniss will be a free woman. Free to love whomever she chooses."

"But Snow has told everyone that I'm her cousin."

Peeta shrugged. "You don't need a legal marriage like I have. The Capitol won't need to be involved if you and Katniss have a traditional District 12 toasting."

Gale nodded deep in thought, an eager smile creeping onto his face. "And she can be mine," he said as if to himself. "She can finally be mine."

"And, hopefully, despite all of the bad press, I can still find my true soulmate. Everyone wins."

Gale leaned forward, fully engaged. "What do you need me to do?"

"I know Snow watches Katniss and me. Doggedly. Until talks of rebellion die down in the districts, we are under surveillance. So until I can get that meeting with Snow and until he approves of our divorce, I need you to act like you're Katniss's cousin and nothing more. She needs to spend more time with me at home than with you. We have to play by Snow's rules until we can get from underneath them."

"Does Katniss know about this? Is she on board?"

"No, she doesn't know. And she can't know."

Gale's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why can't she know?"

"I want Katniss to emerge from this as unscathed and as innocent as possible. The less she knows, the better."

Gale stood again and anxiously paced the room. "How many months until the next reaping?"

"Six until the reaping. September."

Gale chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "And you think this plan with Snow could work?"

"I think it's worth a try. It won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. But unless you or I come up with something better, it's all we've got." Peeta extended his hand in Gale's direction. "Are you in?"

Gale walked back to the table and firmly clasped Peeta's hand in agreement, and a smile Gale couldn't contain crept onto his face. "I'm in."

"Good." Peeta stood from the table. "Here's my second reason for stopping by." He reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a neatly rolled paper bag. A dozen sugar cookies were inside.

"These are for Posy. I owe her for not finishing our game of tag yesterday. Will you tell her that I left these for her and that we will have a rematch soon? And ask her to share with Rory and Vick." Peeta smiled. "Tell her it's part of the strategy for our next game."

Gale grinned at the bag. Normally he wouldn't accept a free gift from anyone, much less Peeta Mellark. But Peeta knew what he was doing when he said that he owed Posy. It wasn't a free gift if it was repayment for a debt.

"I'll make sure she gets it." Gale placed the bag of cookies on the kitchen table.

They walked to the front door and Peeta turned to face Gale. "There's one other reason I'm here."

"Okay," Gale shrugged. "What is it?"

Then without warning, Peeta reeled back and launched his fist squarely against Gale's jaw, sending Gale to the floor in pain and shock. He shook his head as if to clear it and touched his fingertips to the corner of his mouth, which was oozing blood.

Peeta stood over him, his eyes smoldering. "That's for kissing my wife and for manipulating her. You've got her heart, Hawthorne. You'd damn well better know what to do with it."

And with those words, Peeta stepped out the front door, shutting it behind him. Gale couldn't help but grin with newfound respect for Peeta while still catching the trickles of blood from his lip.

I guess I deserved that.

Just then the phone rang. Grunting, Gale stood to his feet and reached for a napkin for his lip.

"Hello?"

"Gale, it's Katniss." Her voice sounded strained on the other end. "I've only got a minute. I'm calling to say that I can't see you anymore."

Rye met Peeta at the back door of Mellark Bakery.

"Haymitch called while you were out. He needs you to come home as soon as possible."

Peeta froze. Oh no. What happened to her?

Rye deciphered his look. "Haymitch said Katniss was fine, but you should hurry."

"Okay," Peeta gathered his scattering thoughts. "Will you tell dad –"

"Already done. He said you can take the cart. We've got everything under control here. Go."

"Thanks Rye," Peeta said as his brother lobbed him the keys.

What now? What could possibly be wrong now?

For Peeta, not knowing what to expect was the hardest part. If he had more information, he could at least formulate a strategy.

He was again grateful for the motorized cart. Having to make the walk home under these circumstances would have been maddening.

When he barreled through the kitchen side door, Peeta's eyes landed on a frustrated Haymitch pacing the living room. Then, relief washed over Peeta when he saw Katniss perched on the couch, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She looked distraught, but at least she was safe. He wanted her safe and happy, but at the very least, he wanted her safe.

"What is it?" Peeta demanded, breathless from worry, his eyes shifting from Haymitch to Katniss and back to Haymitch. "What's wrong?"

Katniss wouldn't meet his gaze. Peeta notice then that her signature side braid was messy with wayward locks of hair escaping at odd places. He assumed that she'd folded her arms to keep her fingers from dismantling her braid.

"These." Haymitch stepped aside and gestured to the two long-stemmed white roses at the foot of the fireplace.

Peeta's face grew ashen. He swallowed to moisten his suddenly dry throat. "Where did you find these?"

"Katniss found them on your front doorstep this morning after she came back from the woods." Haymitch sounded aggravated. "There's more, Peeta. You'll want to sit."

Peeta walked to the chair opposite the couch, staring at Katniss as he passed. She chewed nervously on her bottom lip and kept her eyes trained on the carpet.

Haymitch extended the folded white note card with the Capitol's cobalt-colored seal embossed on the flap. The five simple words inside the card, probably in Snow's handwriting, made Peeta gasp for breath.

Till Death Do You Part

Peeta angrily ripped the note to shreds, his eyes flaring and his chest heaving. Suddenly, his temples throbbed and he swore he could feel his blood pressure rising. He buried his head in his hands.

"Yeah. You see the severity of it," Haymitch said bluntly. "Katniss called me as soon as she found them, which is the best decision she's made in the past 24 hours."

They all knew it to be true. Katniss's kiss with Gale at her mother's house the day before had prompted Snow's special delivery. She lifted her eyes pleadingly to Haymitch. She'd begged him to let her go upstairs before Peeta arrived because she didn't want to be there the moment he realized that her careless actions had put them all in danger. But Haymitch was adamant that she stay to hear what he needed to say to her and Peeta.

"Katniss told me what happened at Maura's house yesterday. I think I've already had this conversation with you two. Snow is always watching. Always. He doesn't give a damn what you two do behind closed doors. It's all about what happens in public or when other eyes are watching."

Like Posy's, Peeta realized in horror, lifting his head from his hands. She saw everything. And Maura and Prim and Hazelle and her family know what happened. And so does my dad. They could all be in danger.

"Shit!" Peeta began pacing the room. Katniss's fingers were again in her braid. Her eyes never left the floor.

"What happens now, Haymitch?" He asked tightly.

Haymitch looked between Katniss and Peeta as he spoke. "Every single day, you two need to be in public and you need to be in love, dammit. Hold hands, kiss, snuggle – I don't give a fuck, just do something affectionate. Forget how you feel or what you want or who you want. This warning is too serious to ignore. And unless you two have a death wish, you need to get your asses in gear."

Peeta fumed. He was trying to learn how not to love her. The absolute last thing he needed was to be affectionate with her. But in that moment, he didn't want to be in the same house with her, much less the same room.

"You don't have a choice," Haymitch continued. "Do I make myself clear?"

Katniss nodded, still staring at the floor. What Peeta said next caused her eyes to flash to his in surprise.

"What about our families and the Hawthornes? Especially the Hawthornes. Should they take extra precaution since she was kissing Gale?"

She squeezed her eyes shut at his words, as if in pain.

"I had Katniss call him shortly before you got here and break things off. She won't be seeing him anymore."

Peeta's brow furrowed. She must have called right after I left his house. I'm glad I talked with Gale when I did. Nothing's changed for me; I can't let her continue to break my heart. I've just got to find another way to make this plan work.

"You two really lucked out to have one another," Haymitch lectured. "There's usually only one victor at a time. Everyone else has had to weather the aftermath – particularly the first year after winning the Games – alone. But you two have drawn the ire of the Capitol. So your job now is to do what you need to do to stay alive and to keep the people you care about safe. Okay? Can you two manage that?"

"Yes," Katniss whispered hoarsely.

"No problem," Peeta said tersely. He brushed past Katniss on his way to the door. Her eyes followed him.

"Peeta?" She spoke now, her voice shaky. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to work, Katniss." There was hostility in the way he said her name, and it made her heart drop. "We'll do what we need to do for the sake of the people we care about. But I don't need to be here right now."

The door slammed shut, rattling the entire house. Katniss was on the verge of tears. She'd created a whole new fight that she didn't have the energy to withstand.

"He hates me, Haymitch," she whispered mournfully. "I've ruined everything."

She drew his sympathy, and he slowly exhaled air from his cheeks. Haymitch wanted to tell her that things would blow over. But by the way Peeta stormed out, her assessment could be correct.

When his shift ended at the bakery later that afternoon, Peeta wasn't ready to go home. But everyone else was. So he walked as slow as he could back to Victor's Village.

He was still furious with Katniss, and he didn't want to see her. He wasn't angry that she'd chosen Gale; Peeta was quickly coming to terms with that, especially now that he'd "given" her to Gale. He was angry that she'd placed everyone in danger by kissing Gale. It was Gale's fault too, but as a survivor of the Games, Katniss knew Snow's brand of evil firsthand.

Peeta's intentionally slow gait led him to Haymitch's front door. His mentor stepped aside and Peeta stepped over the array of empty liquor bottles that were turning gray with dust.

Haymitch's house was always a deplorable mess. Aside from the minor infractions of extreme dust and dirty dishes piled in the sink, there was the more offensive issue of the rancid odor, probably from the numerous times liquor betrayed Haymitch and surged a fiery path back into his mouth and onto the carpet.

"Let's sit on your back porch," so I can breathe.

Haymitch shrugged with indifference and followed Peeta through the house. They each took seats in the rocking chairs, tilting back and forth in silence and staring blankly at nothing in particular.

After several minutes of this - and of turning a square glass bottle of clear liquid to his lips - Haymitch broke the silence.

"So let me guess. You're furious with her, and you don't want to go home because you'll have to face her. Am I right?"

Peeta nodded, continuing to stare ahead.

The bottle was again at Haymitch's lips. "She is maddening, I'll give you that."

Peeta unleashed his complaint.

"This is all her fault, Haymitch! Everything was good - we were good - until she kissed Gale.

I mean, this is one fucked up life I have. First, I'm reaped. Then, we survive and I'm led to believe that the only girl I've ever loved loves me back. Then, she breaks my heart, and I plan to just avoid her and live my life. But, I'm forced to marry her. Then, we fight all the time and when we finally start to become friends, she is convinced by Gale that I'm her enemy, and she and I grow apart. Then, she's almost raped and all I care about is comforting her and making her well. Then, like a complete moron, I mistake her vulnerability for love, but that goes down in flames when I see her kissing the guy she really loves. And now, I have to live every damn day learning how not to love the girl I've always loved - when we're behind closed doors - while at the same time being more affectionate with her in public. And all this while knowing that she never loved me, and she never will."

Haymitch listened quietly to Peeta's rant. Then he turned the bottle to his lips.

Peeta sighed deeply now, his shoulders sagging. "Haymitch, my parents have been pretending to care about one another for years. My mom married a man who was in love with someone else, and she's bitter for it. All I ever wanted was to have the relationship my parents never had, with real love and a stable home. I wanted to have kids who would never be abused and teach them to be good, kind people."

Peeta shook his head tiredly. "I never wanted this. I'm trapped in this marriage, and so is she. And at Snow's whim, all of Panem could be watching us live out a love story that is absolutely, positively not real."

Haymitch took another swig from his bottle, the clear liquid settling between his lips as he swallowed.

"Go ahead and say it, Peeta."

"Say what?"

Haymitch looked him squarely in the eyes. "Say that you resent Katniss. That you're afraid that being married to her will change you, make you into someone you're not. Say that you're realizing that you're still a pawn in Snow's games, and you can't tell what is real and not real anymore. Say that you wish you'd never met Katniss Everdeen, that you'd never loved her."

Peeta mind reeled at the accuracy of Haymitch's assessment.

"Say it, Peeta," Haymitch pressed. "Say it!"

"Fine," Peeta spat. "I resent her! I wish I never met her! I wish she'd grown up in a different district. I wish I weren't attracted to her. I wish –"

"That she'd died in the Games?"

Peeta froze, his mouth and eyes widening incredulously. "What? No!"

"Well wouldn't that have been a solution? If she died in the Games, you would be a free man. All of your problems would be solved. Wouldn't you rather her dead?"

Peeta's eyes filled with angry tears, his chest heaving. "That's not what I meant, Haymitch. You know I was willing to die to save her. And even now, it would kill me if anything happened to her."

"Exactly." Haymitch pinned Peeta with his stare.

"Listen, your life is pretty fucked up, and trust me, I understand what it's like to be a victor who returns home to his world in shambles. But neither you nor Katniss know what it's like to do this alone. You two have each other. So what if she loves Gale? Let her love Gale. If you truly care about her, appreciate the fact that she didn't return to District 12 in a body bag for Maura and Prim to bury her remains."

Peeta's blood chilled at his mentor's words. He may not have gotten what he wanted in his relationship with Katniss, but Haymitch was right. They did have a miracle happen when they both survived the Games. His father had given him good advice when he told Peeta to let Katniss go, and Haymitch was giving equally good advice when he said to appreciate that at least she was still alive.

Haymitch leaned forward in the chair, his hands and the glass bottle dangling between his knees. "Peeta, every year you and I and Katniss will have to stand by and watch two children get reaped for the Hunger Games. Chances are, we will ride back to District 12, the three of us, with those children in body bags. Year after year of that..."

His voice trailed off. Peeta regarded his mentor with compassion.

"It's inevitable that you and Katniss will grow closer over time, Peeta. But, if you know that she truly loves Gale, then focus on building a solid bond of friendship with her because you two will need each other to survive the rest of your lives, regardless of whom you're in love with."

Peeta flopped back in his chair. He'd been so focused on winning Katniss's heart, he'd forgotten that for the rest of his life, he would have to mentor District 12 tributes. Haymitch was right. He and Katniss would need an unbreakable bond if they hoped to survive life outside of the arena.

After several contemplative minutes, Peeta stood, preparing to leave.

"Thanks Haymitch. Thanks for everything."

Peeta made the short walk from Haymitch's house with his mentor's words replaying in his mind.

Would you rather her dead?

He ran his hand roughly across his face, unnerved by the thought.

No! Absolutely not. I need her safe and happy. I would have died if she came back to 12 in a body bag and I lived.

Peeta clutched the door knob and drew a deep breath, his house keys dangling from his other hand. His anger had diminished, but it wasn't completely gone. After a long moment, he quietly unlocked the kitchen side door.

She waited at the kitchen table fidgeting with the handle on a mug of tea. Her hair was now free of its braid and billowed over her shoulders. He wasn't sure what she was waiting for. Maybe she thought he would call and tell her to meet him somewhere so they could be publicly affectionate. Peeta knew they needed to make haste, but he just didn't have the energy tonight. The same distraught expression from earlier was etched on her face, and Peeta wasn't sure if any phony public affection would conceal that look.

Their eyes met, his unreadable, hers contrite. She swallowed hard, her lips parting wordlessly. And as Peeta's chest rose and fell with his next sigh, he released whatever remained of his anger.

"Come here," he whispered.

She was out of her chair in an instant, rushing into his arms, her body trembling with each sob against his neck.

"I'm so, so sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for this whole mess."

And for that moment, Peeta wrapped both arms tightly around her and held her close to his chest. It would be one of many times when they would truly need each other to endure the lives they were forced to live.

"It's okay," he whispered, his lips grazing her hair. "Everything will be okay."

His arms felt so good. So impossibly good.

Given the way Peeta stormed out earlier, Katniss didn't know what to expect when he returned home. He was more than an hour late when his key finally turned the lock. She'd been bracing for the reality that she might have to spend the night alone in their oversize house.

But somehow, he forgave her. Again. And she apologized profusely as she clutched him as tightly as she could, dreading the moment when she would have to let go.

It was then that they started playing in her mind - lyrics to a song from one of Daniel's music discs.

I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this with anyone but you
I wonder why it is
I won't let my guard down for anyone but you

And suddenly, Katniss was transported to that realm where everything made sense, the place she first discovered when Peeta's touch was healing her in their bedroom only a few days before.

"I'll always be your friend, Katniss. No matter what, I'm your friend."

Her eyes popped open. His words made absolutely no sense in this realm. More lyrics from the song played in her mind.

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand

Her breaths quickened. And this time, it had nothing to do with white roses.

Peeta didn't have to continue working at Mellark Bakery, but he didn't see a reason not to. He wasn't there for the money; his winnings from the Hunger Games would support him for life. But his father insisted on paying him a salary for his work, and Peeta insisted that his salary be so small that it was laughable.

It was a lot of hard work, but it offered routine and normalcy. After surviving the Games, he desperately needed routine and normalcy.

Neither he nor Katniss were allowed to return to secondary school. It was explained to them that given their life experiences (meaning, since they were trained killers) they were now adults who were advanced beyond what secondary school could offer them. At-home tutoring was presented as an option, but they both declined. They were only a year-and-a-half from finishing school, and surviving their lives as newlyweds was enough to deal with.

So he shaped dough and decorated cakes during the day, and at night he worked on capturing the brilliance of a sunset that was as elusive and peculiar as his wife.

Monday night was no different. As usual, he had a good seven minutes with the sky at its full vibrancy before it began fading to complete darkness. And like his relationship with Katniss, things were often dark far longer than they were vibrant.

This had been a long day - from his breakdown in the shower that morning to Katniss sobbing in his arms when he finally returned home - Peeta had experienced almost every emotion in one day. Now, he stared blankly at the canvas, squandering his opportunity with the sunset, trying to determine how he would do the last thing he needed to do before going to bed - something he couldn't bring himself to do the night before.

There were four minutes of sunset left when he gave up, dropping his paintbrush into the murky water jar and heading upstairs to shower. Katniss had gone to Maura's to help Prim with homework, so he had the entire house to himself.

After his shower, he realized that he'd forgotten to bring his lounge clothes from Portia into the bathroom. He stepped into the bedroom rubbing a towel across his damp hair, wearing nothing but his boxers.

He froze when he saw her seated cross-legged on the edge of the bed, her gray eyes fixed on the bathroom door. She was again waiting, just like he'd found her earlier at the kitchen table.

Her eyes washed over him with obvious interest, pausing at his muscular chest and lingering on the bulge between his legs before traveling back to his crystal blue eyes. She'd never allowed herself to study him before. Her body buzzed with something she couldn't explain and she involuntarily contracted between her legs.

He shifted uncomfortably but tried to sound casual.

"I didn't think you'd be back this soon." He walked to the dresser and could feel her eyes on his back. "I'll just grab some clothes and get out of your way."

Her words stopped him in his tracks.

"Peeta, I don't want to sleep in separate rooms."

He blinked slowly, his brow furrowing. Having this conversation with Katniss was what he couldn't bring himself to do the night before, what he needed to do tonight before going to bed. It was also the reason he couldn't focus on his sunset.

"I want you to stay in here with me."

He drew air through his nose and out his mouth.

"I can't Katniss," he said quietly, shaking his head. "We need to sleep in separate rooms from now on."

"Peeta, this is a king-sized bed. It's plenty big enough for the both of us." Her eyes pleaded with him. "I don't have to touch you. I won't touch you. I just need to know you're here."

"I know, which is why I'm not sleeping in the guest bedroom downstairs. I'm right across the hall."

"So can I come in there with you?"

Peeta turned his eyes to the floor. This wasn't easy for him either. "I'd rather you didn't."

Katniss stared helplessly at him. Then her words gushed forth.

"Are you mad at me? If so, I can completely understand why. But don't take it out on me this way. There's room for the both of us here. We slept together in a cave, Peeta. We can survive this bedroom."

His eyes flashed to hers. She had no idea that for him, their bedroom was his most challenging battle ground. He moved wearily to the couch and sat facing her.

"Katniss, do you remember what we were doing the Sunday night before last, just over a week ago?"

Lately her thoughts only went as far back as her assault the Tuesday before. She looked perplexed and slightly annoyed by his seemingly irrelevant question.

"No," she shrugged. "What?"

"We were having a terrible fight." Peeta stared sadly at the floor. "It was late, later than it is now, and you were just coming home after spending the entire day and most of the night with Gale. I was downstairs with the phone in my hand, about to call your mother because I was worried."

Katniss swallowed hard, wearing a look of dejection.

"Our fight wasn't long, but as usual, it was epic. I mean we covered everything from our farce of a marriage to the possibility of an annulment."

Katniss momentarily squeezed her eyes shut. "I remember," she said hoarsely.

Peeta looked squarely at her, his eyes intense.

"Yesterday morning you were focused on going hunting, and I was proud of you for getting back out there. But if I'm being completely honest, I wanted to pull you back into bed and make love to you."

His words sent a tingle from the base of her stomach to her chest. She bit the corner of her bottom lip.

"I would never force myself on you, Katniss, you know that. But because of how close we'd gotten over the last few days, I truly thought you were becoming mine. And since I was five years old, that's all I've ever wanted. Then, I saw you kissing Gale."

"Peeta, please stop. I apologized. We don't have to relive -"

"You apologized for hurting me, Katniss," he said firmly. "You apologized for the roses and the note from Snow. You never apologized for kissing Gale. You wanted to kiss Gale."

Katniss's mouth dropped open as she searched her thoughts. He was right. She'd never apologized for kissing Gale. And she couldn't figure out why.

"You didn't see yourself in his arms yesterday, Katniss. It didn't matter that I was right outside." Peeta swallowed hard and shifted his gaze to the floor. "I mistook your vulnerability after a terrible ordeal for affection. I managed to confuse myself. I don't ever want to do that again now that I know you want to be with Gale."

She unfolded her legs and slid to the edge of the bed. "I don't know that I want to be with Gale," she argued. "I care about you both. I care about you deeply, Peeta."

He smiled ruefully. "I gave you the best of me these past few days, and you still ended up in Gale's arms. Even if you don't know it yet, I do. It's Gale you want. And I don't want to confuse you. You're not in love with me, Katniss. You're not mine. And finally, I can accept that."

Her shoulders sagged in defeat. "So what does that mean?"

"It means that you and I are just friends behind closed doors," he said quietly. "We are two people who care about each other's friendship and well being, and we will face some difficult challenges ahead. We don't have to be miserable; we can enjoy life as friends. But our hearts belong to other people."

Her breaths quickened. "Are you... Have you..."

"No. There's no one else, if that's what you're asking." He shrugged noncommittally. "I'm not looking. Even if I met her, I wouldn't act on it because I'm a married man. But, Katniss, I have so much love inside me that I have to believe that one day, even if I'm 80 years old when it happens, I'll meet her, and I'll know her as soon as I lay eyes on her." He rubbed his eyes of unshed tears. "Until then, I'm saving my heart for her."

Katniss felt as if she was imploding, and her own tears bathed her cheeks.

"One day we'll be free, Katniss. You will have Gale, and I will have her. He's your soulmate, and she's mine. I don't want to get confused again, and it will confuse me to sleep in the same bed with you, or to call you 'sweetheart', or to kiss you behind closed doors."

She hated that she understood his reasons, but she did.

Peeta returned to the dresser where he pulled an armful of clothes to take to the other bedroom.

Her eyes lifted sadly to his as he headed for the door.

"Peeta, wait," she blurted. "What if I have a nightmare? I know it's selfish. But.."

Peeta levied a close-lipped, reassuring smile. "Then I will come in here and stay with you until you fall asleep. That's why I'm across the hall."

She heard his bedroom door click shut, and she tried to assess what she lost in the fire sparked by her kiss with Gale. But even as her heart ached, her mind was stuck on something Peeta said.

I wanted to pull you back into bed and make love to you. I wanted to pull you back into bed and make love to you. I wanted to pull you back into bed and make love to you.

The familiar throbbing between her legs returned. It was more than a tingle or a sensation. It was a hunger. And it was evident that only one person triggered this appetite.

Hunger.

Throbbing.

Realms where everything made sense.

No Katniss. You can't do this to yourself. It's already too late. You can't fight this one. He's already gone.

When Katniss finally fell asleep, she was awake two hours later. It was 2:38 a.m., Tuesday morning.

After several minutes of staring at the ceiling, she decided a warm cup of tea might help. When she opened the bedroom door, she didn't expect to see light coming from the kitchen. She tipped downstairs and found Peeta facing the stove and lifting the tea pot before it began to whistle. He filled a mug with steaming water and was reaching for a tea bag when he spoke.

"Full cup or half cup?" He didn't bother to turn around.

"Half. How did you know I was standing here?"

He grinned over his shoulder. "It's one of my many super powers."

"Oh." Her voice lifted in mock enlightenment as she approached the stove. "Like making cheese buns?"

He shook his head pityingly, as if there was no help for her. "Yes, mortal. Like making cheese buns."

They took seats at the table where he declined the spoonful of sugar she offered. Her hair was in a messy top knot; she hadn't bothered to braid it as usual before going to bed. And she was still wearing his t-shirt. He didn't know how he felt about that.

"You couldn't sleep either, huh?"

"No." He signed. "I figured a cup of tea would help."

"My thoughts exactly." She sipped from her mug.

He traced the handle of the mug with his thumb and forefinger. "I'm glad you're here. We should talk about how we plan to be publicly affectionate. If we don't get started tomorrow, Haymitch will have projectile diarrhea."

She had just taken a sip of tea and had to cough and slap her chest to keep from choking. Riotous laughter escaped her lips. Peeta grinned and asked if she was okay. She was better than okay. She was extremely grateful that he could make light of a dire situation that was caused by her lapse in judgment. It made her feel safe with him on a much deeper level.

When her laughter subsided, she proposed a solution. "I could meet you for your lunch break. We could have lunch together."

Peeta snorted. "Lunch breaks are a misnomer at Mellark Bakery. We're workhorses; we eat while we work and only take short breaks if business is slow."

She thoughtfully tilted the mug to her lips. "What if we meet somewhere every day after you get off work."

Peeta snapped his fingers. "That could work. Would you be willing to come to the bakery? I can call you about 15 or 20 minutes before I get off so you can start walking. Then, we can be seen together in the Merchant Quarters and in the Seam during our walk home."

Katniss nodded thoughtfully. "That sounds like a great idea. The only problem is your mother. You can't leave me alone with her for too long - if I arrive and you're not ready."

His eyes danced impishly from behind his mug. "Dammit. I planned to lock you and my mother in the storage closet together until you two called a truce."

"And once I made it out of that storage closet, you would have to use all of your super powers to keep me from finding you."

Peeta looked appalled. "Note to self: scratch the wife-mother storage closet bonding idea."

She laughed heartily.

"But seriously clown face, do we have a plan?" He lifted his mug in a toast.

She clanked her mug against his. "We have a plan, silly."

He studied her as they each gulped tea. He liked making her laugh and seeing her smile. That was one habit he could keep.

"We're going to be just fine Katniss," he said quietly. "This will be a happy home, and we'll make this work until we can have the lives we want. You believe that, right?"

She contemplated his words. Maybe this wasn't the life she was supposed to have, but in that moment, Katniss could find no fault with it. She only wished she could somehow correct her actions from the day before. The hot cup of tea was soothing, but it was no substitute for sleeping in Peeta's warm embrace.

She answered his question in the affirmative. But deep down, she knew that one day they would have to revisit this talk about the lives they wanted. Maybe they weren't so far off from it after all.

Katniss descended the stairs around 3 a.m., Wednesday morning. Without Peeta lying in bed beside her, she was only sleeping in spurts. It was exhausting.

Like the night before, she was hoping she'd find Peeta in the kitchen making tea. But, there were no lights on downstairs, and she didn't have the patience or energy to wait for water to boil. Instead, she planned to try sleeping on the couch. Maybe if she weren't in the king-sized bed where Peeta's absence was obvious, she could trick herself into sleeping longer.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she was met with a wave of chilly night air that came from the direction of the back porch.

Peeta would never leave the back door open. Something's wrong. Something's very wrong.

She had almost made it to the coat closet at the front door where she kept her bow and arrow when the knob clicked on a side table lamp in the living room. She froze in mid-stride her legs becoming heavy as pillars when she saw their faces, yellow and gray in the dimly-lit room.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the victor slut. I'm so glad you could join us."

Katniss swallowed to force down the lump that formed in her throat. Allister stood behind Peeta with his arm locked around her husband's neck. She couldn't control the acceleration of her heartbeat when she saw the gleam of the switchblade in Allister's right hand. And her eyes widened in horror when they saw the side of Peeta's shirt, soaked in a dark red hue. He'd been stabbed. Peeta was fighting to keep his eyelids open, but Katniss could tell that he was drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Peeta!" She rushed toward them.

"Stay back!" Allister shouted, brandishing his knife.

"Okay, okay." Katniss lifted her hands in a placating gesture and kept her eyes trained on Allister.

"Please." Her eyes filled with tears. "Please let Peeta go. He's bleeding a lot, and he needs help." Fat tears dropped from her eyes. "Allister, I'm begging you. Please."

He looked amused. Then he shook his head. "Nah. We were just getting to know each other – on my terms this time. I think Peeta and I need more time to get better acquainted."

He tightened his grip on Peeta's neck, causing her husband's eyes to widen as he gasped for breath. Katniss called to Peeta on a sob, her voice breaking in time with her heart. His eyelids were again growing heavy.

The words that usually flowed artfully from his lips were now slurred and jumbled. "Katniss. You get… You have to… out of here. Sweetheart. Now. Don't worry about me. Go."

"I'm not leaving you," she said fiercely. "I won't do that. I won't leave you."

Allister's laugh made Katniss's skin crawl. "Isn't this sweet? You do care about him. And all this time, I thought you were fucking Gale at every opportunity without a care in the world. You can't blame me for wanting a piece of that, now can you, victor slut?"

Peeta tried to push against Allister's arm. "If you touch a hair on her head… I'll slaughter you."

"Shut up!" Peeta gagged as Allister again tightened his grip. Katniss pleaded.

"Now this presents a dilemma. See, I was going to let your husband here watch me rape you right before I kill you. But he seems really upset, so I think I'll have to kill him first."

"No! Allister please," she begged. "It's me you want. I'll go with you. Just let Peeta go. He's hurt. Let him go." Peeta again told her to leave.

Allister grew agitated. "What do you take me for? A fucking idiot! I am the only one leaving this house alive."

This time, Allister's eyes held new desperation, new fury. She knew she had to move quickly. She sprang forward, determined to somehow wrestle the knife away. But before she could reach them, she watched in horror as Allister took a step backward, pulling Peeta with him, and sank the blade into Peeta's neck.

Breath was sucked out of Katniss's body like a vacuum, and she watched Peeta's blood gush from his neck like water from a faucet. Her legs gave way and she fell to the floor, mere feet away from where he convulsed to the ground.

She was too frenzied to scream, too panicked to cry. She crawled to him, her heartbeat thundering in her ears as her trembling hands became coated dark red from pressing them to his neck. Allister watched with heinous satisfaction from the couch.

"Peeta. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Just stay with me. Just look at me, Peeta. Look at me!"

But she was seeing less and less of the crystal blue in his eyes as they were fluttering, rolling back in his head.

"Please God no! Please no! Peeta! I can't lose you! Peeta! Peeta I lo—"

But she felt him breathe his last, and she saw the last trace of blue. He was gone. And she scurried backward in horror, covering her mouth with hands drenched in his blood.

She shook her head vigorously, refusing to accept that he was gone. She rushed back to his body and angrily beat his chest.

"Wake up! Dammit, wake up! No Peeta! No! No…" She dissolved into guttural sobs that wracked her entire body, and when her voice was suspended in her throat, it reemerged in an otherworldly wail that pierced the night air.

She didn't feel the hands locked around her arms, gripping her, shaking her.

"Katniss! Katniss! Katniss!"

Her eyes widened in terror then crinkled against the brightness of the overhead lights. She was back on the king-sized bed. His breath touched her face as he pinned her to the bed. And there was blue. There was crystal blue.

"You're having a nightmare. It's not real, Katniss. It's not real."

He straddled her. She was unable to comprehend the meaning of his words, her mouth wide open in shock and her chest heaving. Suddenly it clicked and she tried to sit up. He released his grip and climbed off of her, but sat beside her on the bed.

Fresh tears drenched her face. He was alive. He was safe. It was only a dream. And like she'd done the week before after she narrowly escaped her attacker, Katniss clamored for Peeta, nearly causing them both to tumble off the bed as she strapped her arms and legs around him.

"You're okay," he whispered, his arms encircling her quivering frame. "I'm here. No one has hurt me, and I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise. No one will hurt you."

Her tears drenched his neck. Suddenly, she shoved him away, her eyes filled with alarm.

"I have to see! I have to see!" Peeta looked confused but complied as Katniss roughly pulled his t-shirt over his head and left it dangling from one arm as she frantically examined him his side and neck for stab wounds.

"See? I'm okay," he soothed. "No one has hurt me. We're safe."

He was blindsided by what happened next. With urgency, she planted a flurry of feverish kisses on his face, his lips, his neck, his shoulders, his head – wherever she could reach – while mumbling gratefully that he was okay.

He activated his defense mechanism, his inaudible chant to remind himself that she was only a friend, that her actions while she was vulnerable should not be mistaken for true affection.

At some point, she became aware of his stillness, which made her aware of her actions. She pulled away abruptly, pleading apologies.

Peeta swallowed hard and slipped his shirt back over his head. "It's okay." She couldn't help but think that the polite smile he'd applied to his lips was practiced.

He tried to get her to lie back down, but she was still trembling and too afraid to sleep. So Peeta had another idea. He wrapped her in the blanket and lifted her in his arms.

"Come with me."

Downstairs on the back porch, he lowered into a rocking chair with her on his lap. They adjusted the blanket and nestled underneath to keep warm from the chilly air coming through the screened porch. Peeta began to rock them back and forth.

They sat like this for hours, rocking in comfortable silence until the sky began to lighten with shades of powder blue and yellow. He couldn't see her face, which was partially concealed by the blanket, but he knew she wasn't asleep.

When he asked if she was alright, she nodded and nestled closer. A while later, when he told her that he should get ready for work, but that he would call Maura so Katniss wouldn't be alone, she again nodded, and again she didn't move. He waited patiently with a lopsided grin for nearly another hour before she released him to get a late start to his day.

Later, when he descended the stairs, dressed for work, Maura was with her in the kitchen, reaching past two cups of tea to squeeze her daughter's hand and tell her that she was the bravest girl in all of Panem. But Katniss's eyes followed Peeta out the door, intensely aware of the dimple in his cheek when he smiled and his muscular arms that had kept her from falling apart so many nights.

And his neck. She had a new appreciation for his neck.

Peeta was so focused on replenishing the slices of zucchini bread in the display case early Thursday afternoon that he didn't realize his mother had stepped away from the register, and he was the only employee at the front of the shop. He didn't look up when the bell chimed.

"Peeta."

Gale stood before him in his miner's uniform, his face and clothes smudged with soot. He looked uneasy, as if he felt out of place in a Merchant shop.

"Gale," Peeta said, surprised. He glanced at the unmanned register. "I thought my mom was still out here. I wasn't paying attention. What can I do for you?"

"Can we talk for a moment?"

Peeta studied him quietly. "Sure. Let me finish restocking this bread. You can have a seat at one of the tables."

Gale surveyed the shop. He and Peeta were the only two there. Gale stood at a two-person table in the corner until Peeta walked over.

"You can have a seat," Peeta said, sitting opposite of where Gale stood.

"I'd rather not. I'm a little dirty."

"It's fine," Peeta said, gesturing to the chair. "Please, sit."

Gale reluctantly lowered into the chair. Peeta couldn't recall seeing Gale act so awkward before.

"I, uh..." Gale reached into his pants pocket. "I stopped by to give you this." He handed Peeta a folded sheet of paper. "It's from Posy. To thank you for the cookies."

A smile spread across Peeta's face. Posy had drawn a picture of her and him surrounded by grass with a bright sun in the corner of the page. In large, childlike letters, the words "I Luv Yoo Peeta" was written across the top of the page.

"We made sure she spelled your name correctly," Gale said lightly. "The rest was all her."

"She is by far the sweetest four-year-old in all of Panem," Peeta grinned. "This deserves some cookies."

"No," Gale said firmly. "We can't pay for them. We don't want any handouts."

Peeta considered Gale's words. "Okay. Will you tell Posy that I love her picture and I'll draw one for her very soon?"

Gale nodded. "I can do that."

They sat in silence for a brief moment. When Gale spoke again, Peeta noticed the weariness and concern in his eyes.

"How is she?"

Peeta slowly nodded his head. "She'd good. She's been spending time with her mother during the day and with Prim when she gets home from school. And hunting, of course."

Gale stared at the table. "I miss her. Does she ever ask about me?"

Peeta released a short burst of laughter. "Well she wouldn't ask me, now would she?"

Gale grinned sheepishly. "No, I guess not." He lowered his voice. "Have there been any changes in light of… you know."

Peeta glanced around the bakery, shifting in his chair. He and Gale were still the only ones at the front of the shop. "I haven't thought of anything else." Peeta shrugged. "I'm still hopeful that somehow the original plan will work. It may take a little longer, but I'm hopeful that I can change his mind nonetheless."

Gale heaved a sigh. "And she still doesn't know?"

"No."

"And you've not gone back on your word? You're not -"

Peeta shook his head. "No. I get my heart broken every time. But we have to maintain a certain image."

Gale was now bouncing his knee anxiously. Peeta tried to put himself in Gale's shoes. If the tables were turned and Katniss was in love with him but forced to marry Gale, Peeta knew he would feel the same way.

"One way or another, I'll do whatever I can to see her happy," Peeta whispered.

Gale quietly studied Peeta. He admitted to himself that he'd misread Peeta. He wasn't the weakling Gale thought he was. Peeta was smart and capable. And he truly loved Katniss. Gale couldn't help but appreciate that.

"Peeta." Nance Mellark was back at the front, calling sharply to her son. "Can I have a word with you in the kitchen?"

"Sure, mom. I'll be there in a minute."

Gale stood abruptly to leave, understanding the tone in Nance Mellark's voice. This time, he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small envelope, folded in half. As he shook Peeta's hand, he passed off the envelope.

"Could you give that to her? I'll send other letters through Rory and Prim. I just need to communicate with her, even if she can't communicate back right now. I need her to know that I'm always thinking about her."

Peeta cleared his throat, and quickly slid his hand into his pants pocket. "Yes. I can do that."

"Thank you." Gale nodded and quickly exited the bakery, nearly colliding with two Merchant women who were dropping by for an afternoon chat with Nance.

Thank you, Peeta silently prayed, grateful that the women would occupy his mother and delay her lecture. At least for a little while.

Gale and Hazelle hurried to the Justice Building before it closed. After he left Mellark Bakery earlier in the day, Gale stopped by several shops in search of work. He desperately needed something in addition to his part-time hours in the mines, and he'd been searching unsuccessfully for days.

Merchants were not likely to hire a man from the Seam, unless the job called for menial labor, things they didn't want to do themselves and could afford to pay someone else to do. But someone in town mentioned that they were hiring a new cleaning team for after-hours work at the Justice Building.

For many years, the job belonged to Nessie Theisby and her two nieces, all Seam residents. However, Nessie had quit that morning on account of her severe arthritis, and the rumor was that her two nieces bragged that they could support themselves and their aunt on the money they made from "visiting" Head Peacekeeper Cray.

Gale showered and changed clothes after working in the mines, and waited for his mother to return with Posy from cleaning Merchant homes. The job at the Justice Building called for a cleaning team, and applicants had to apply in person. Hazelle put on her best dress, left Posy in the care of Rory and Vick, and she and Gale hurried to the Justice building before it closed at 5 p.m. They only had a few minutes to spare.

Gale ran ahead of Hazelle. He had almost reached the glass front doors, when he saw a girl with honey blonde hair that fell past her shoulders step in front of the doors from the inside, a bronze key in her hand.

She was locking the door.

"Wait! Please," Gale waved his hands to get her attention as he took the exterior stairs leading to the building two at a time. The girl looked startled, but slipped the key back into her pocket. She recognized him.

He was Katniss's friend.

She cracked open the door. "Can I help you?"

Gale was almost out of breath. "Yes. My mother and I would like to be considered for the cleaning job that came open this morning. We're great workers and my mother already has a solid reputation as an excellent cleaner around the Merchant Quarters."

Hazelle caught up to Gale and stood behind her son.

The girl behind the door glanced over her shoulder to look at the clock. She'd found out when she came to work at 3 p.m., that she'd been given the task of hiring for that position, which only become available that morning. There was four minutes left until 5 p.m.

"We have a few minutes left for me to talk with you about the job," she said. "Come in."

"Thank you so much," Hazelle said. Gale offered a grateful smile.

She took them to a table in the corner where they all sat.

"I'm in charge of hiring for these positions," she said politely. "We had three people cleaning this building before. It is a three-story building, so there's a lot of work involved. You'd have to clean all the bathrooms, all the offices, vacuum, mop, dust – the works. And we can only pay you for three hours of work, 5-8 p.m., Monday – Friday, and weekends when we have a function."

"That sounds perfect," Gale said, glancing at Hazelle. "My mother and I can have this entire building spotless. If you'll just give us a chance, you won't be sorry."

She studied them pensively. The mother was slender but appeared strong. She was far younger than Nessie Theisby. The son was very obviously strong and eager for the job. And his gray eyes were arresting.

She moistened her lips with her tongue. "Okay. You've got the jobs. You can start on tomorrow and you will need to work on Saturday for a function. I'll introduce you to your supervisor when you arrive tomorrow, so please be here no later than 4:45 p.m. This first week you'll be on a trial basis. If you do well, I'll see if I can split that third salary between the two of you."

Gale and Hazelle smiled in excitement. Gale reached to shake the blonde lady's hand.

"Thank you so much. Thank you."

She smiled. "You're welcomed. What are your names by the way?"

"Oh, yes. I'm Hazelle Hawthorne."

"And I'm her son, Gale Hawthorne. And we didn't get your name either."

"I'm Madge. Madge Undersee."

Katniss scrambled to unlock the kitchen side door so she could get to the ringing phone.

It was Friday, a few minutes before 4 p.m. Katniss was returning from her mother's house – where she was helping Maura and Prim prepare dinner – to await Peeta's phone call. He normally called around 4:15 p.m., so she could begin walking to Mellark Bakery to meet him. They walked home together, hand-in-hand, exchanging a few light kisses on the cheek or forehead. They hoped it was enough to keep President Snow at bay.

She grabbed for the phone.

"Peeta?"

Katniss was surprised to hear her voice on the other end.

"Katniss? It's Madge."

Katniss lowered into a chair at the kitchen table. Madge had been her only friend at school, the sole person she ate lunch with and one of the few people Katniss spoke to. After Katniss volunteered for Prim at the reaping, Madge presented Katniss with the Mockingjay pin that had been the symbol of the rebellion that she unintentionally fueled.

"Madge. It's been so long since we've spoken."

"I know." Katniss could sense Madge's smile through the phone. "You're a grown up married woman now. How have you been?"

"Good. I'm... Good. How have you been?"

"I've been doing well. I miss seeing you at school."

"Well, you should come out to Victor's Village sometime. Peeta and I can have you over for dinner." The words left Katniss's mouth before she had a chance to think about them, but they were oddly satisfying. She did feel like a grown woman, talking to her friend who was still in school and saying phrases like Peeta and I.

"That sounds great, Katniss. Maybe I could I bring a guest? I mean, if he would come with me."

"I don't see why not," Katniss shrugged. "Who is this special someone?"

"You know him well. It's Gale Hawthorne."

Katniss fumbled the receiver, nearly dropping the phone to the floor.

What?

"Hello? Katniss are you there?"

Katniss recovered the phone and took a deep breath before placing the receiver back at her mouth. "Umm… Yeah. I'm here, Madge. Did you say Gale Hawthorne?"

"Yes." Madge sounded excited. "I'm way ahead of myself. We're not dating, and I just met him yesterday when he stopped by with his mother for a job. But I think there's definitely a connection there. He and his mom start today working at the Justice Building after hours. And earlier this year, I started working there after school. At least in passing, I'll get to see him almost every day." Madge stopped abruptly. "You don't mind do you, Katniss? I mean since you're married to Peeta, I just assumed–"

Katniss interrupted her. "No, Madge it's fine." She didn't want to give any indication that she and Gale were more than friends, that she could one day be his.

"Katniss, he's hot. I don't know how you could choose between Peeta and Gale."

"What?" Katniss asked, taken aback.

"Let's face it Katniss, they're both amazing. Gale is tall and dark with those beautiful gray eyes. He has this mysterious way about him, this sex appeal that drives women crazy. And, if you don't mind me saying so, Katniss, Peeta is equally hot with his curly hair, that dimple in his left cheek, those eyes and that body. He's a lover and a fighter. You don't often get all of that in one package. You're one lucky girl."

Katniss's mouth dropped open in amazement. "You noticed Peeta before the reaping?"

"Noticed him? I was crazy about him. You and I never really talked about guys, but I wasn't the only one. Half of the school had a crush on Peeta."

"What? Where was I?"

"Probably staring out the window, Everdeen – whoops – Mellark."

Katniss shook her head. Had she had such tunnel vision that she didn't realize just how many options Peeta had? Why was he ever interested in her?

"So why didn't you go after Peeta, Madge," Katniss asked honestly. "I mean, if you were crazy about him and all."

"You're kidding, right?" Madge said flatly. "Peeta couldn't see past you. He was always watching you, sketching you, trying to gather the nerve to talk to you. He was smitten. It was a lost cause. We all knew that. He only wanted you."

Katniss weakened at Madge's assessment. Katniss missed everything. She was so concerned with herself that she'd missed all of the signs of Peeta's affection. She felt like a complete idiot.

The sound of voices invaded the background. "I'd better run, Katniss. I've got people coming in. We'll talk again soon, okay?"

"Okay. Take care, Madge."

Katniss was still in a stupor a few minutes later when the phone rang. This time, it was Peeta.

"Hey Katniss." Now that they were just friends, he'd stopped greeting her with Hey you or calling her sweetheart. She missed those greetings. "I'll be done soon. Are you almost ready to start walking?"

"Yes, Peeta," she said quietly. "I'm almost ready."

Katniss hated the bell above the door at Mellark Bakery because it announced every visit.

She understood the purpose of the bell; it was practical for a business. Still, she didn't want her arrival announced. In fact, she would prefer to wait for Peeta outside, so she didn't have to levy a smile for her in-laws or endure Nance's spiteful glare.

But she couldn't be standoffish. She and Peeta had a job to do to convince everyone that they were a couple – for the sake of those closest to them.

Thatch was at the register. His eyes shot to the door as she entered.

Thatch Mellark was the eldest son of Daniel and Nance. It was no secret that Nance used Thatch to trap Daniel; she'd gotten pregnant a few months after graduating secondary school. Daniel had graduated the year before, and they were forced to marry when Nance found out that she was pregnant.

All of the Mellark men closely resembled each other, but Thatch had a few more of Nance's features. His sharp nose was his mother's, as were his full lips and the chestnut brown highlights in his curly blonde hair. Fortunately, none of the Mellark sons inherited Nance's boorish mannerisms. They all took after Daniel in that way – pleasant, affable, agreeable.

Thatch offered Katniss a temperate, close-lipped smile that Katniss always sensed was genuine.

"Hi Katniss. How are you?"

"I'm good," she said forcing a smile several watts brighter than what came natural. "How are you?"

"Great now that this day is almost over." He shook his head tiredly. "I'll tell Peeta you're here."

But Peeta was already walking through the kitchen door, his apron already removed, with four loaves of wheatberry bread in a paper sack.

"There she is," he said lightly, planting a quick kiss on her cheek. A middle-aged woman and man spied on them from a table near the window.

"Hi," Katniss said, matching the airiness in his tone. "Ready to go?"

"Yep." Peeta turned to his brother. "Good night Thatch. See you tomorrow." Katniss lifted her hand in a polite wave.

"Goodnight you two."

Peeta held the door open for Katniss like he did every day, and she felt the light press of his palm on the small of her back as he guided her forward.

Every time she felt that touch, her smile was genuine.

They walked through town with hands clasped inside each other's, talking companionably about their day. As they approached The Hob, Peeta surprised her when he said he needed to go in. Katniss had been there earlier that day to bring game to Greasy Sae in exchange for a bowl of stew. Katniss wasn't hungry enough to finish the stew, but she wouldn't insult Greasy Sae by appearing to offer the game as a handout, without seeking something in return.

Still holding hands, Peeta led Katniss back to Greasy Sae's booth. He pulled out a loaf of bread.

"Sae, I owe you for having someone place that phone call last week for us to come for Katniss. Thank you for looking out for my wife. She's the most important person in the world to me."

Katniss's lips parted in astonishment as she stared at Peeta. This wasn't for show. He was being sincere. And this was an incredibly kind gesture. Greasy Sae could greatly increase her trades if she added a piece of fresh baked bread with each bowl of stew that night. Also, this was just in time for the miners who were getting off of their 12 hour shifts.

"You don't have to do that, boy. It was my pleasure." Sae offered Peeta a wide grin that Katniss had never seen before. But if anyone could elicit such a response, it was Peeta.

"Yes, I did. It's not nearly enough, but please accept it. From a grateful husband." He held out the bread until Greasy Sae accepted it, dipping her head in an awkward nod, her bottom lip pushing her top lip into a sincere, crooked smile.

As they walked away, Katniss noticed that people were staring and whispering. She was becoming annoyed when an aged man whose back had been bent by time, stepped in their path as they walked toward the eastern exit.

"Mellark." His voice was gruff, gravelly.

"Yes sir?" Peeta said respectfully.

"You did a good thing last week to stick up for your wife against that loser Canty," the old man said adamantly. "A real good thing. Back in my day, that's what real men did – stick up for their own. Your parents and your wife here should be real proud."

The man extended a weathered hand to Peeta. Katniss glanced to her left and right. The whisperers were smiling and nodding in agreement with the old man. They weren't whispering about her. They were whispering about Peeta.

Peeta nodded and shook the man's hand. "Thank you sir. I appreciate your kind words."

Katniss's heart raced. Had I even thanked Peeta for all he did for me? Or did I only thank him by kissing another man? Katniss, what were you thinking? How could you?

She felt an urgency to say something.

"I am." She blurted out. Peeta and the old man looked at her quizzically. "Proud," she said, trying to make sense of her thoughts and words. "I am proud of my husband." She turned to Peeta, looking him squarely in the eyes. "You're an amazing man, and I'm lucky to have you. Thank you for taking good care of me."

The old man grinned and nodded as he stepped aside. Peeta's expression was calm but unreadable. She'd meant every word, but Katniss couldn't tell if he'd taken what she said to heart.

Then she remembered. She no longer had access to his heart.

Late Saturday afternoon, Peeta blinked slowly, trying to process her words. He had to ask again because they still didn't make sense.

"You what?"

"I want you to go with me tomorrow morning. Into the woods," Katniss repeated matter-of-factly.

Drops of amethyst from the paintbrush poised in Peeta's hand hit the wood floor of the back porch as he continued to stare, his mouth agape.

"You're dripping Peeta."

"Oh…" He dropped the brush into the jar of murky water.

"You want me to go hunt with you?"

She shook her head. "No. We're not going to hunt. I'm just going into the woods, and I want you to come with me."

His eyes narrowed skeptically. "Are you planning to kill me?"

"What! No!" She laughed now, completely caught off guard. "Why would you say that?"

"Just curious," he deadpanned.

Katniss took him by the shoulders and turned him to face her. "Listen, silly. The woods – my woods – are my sanctuary. If I go too long without them, I feel like I'm suffocating. I just want to show you this part of my life, that's all."

Peeta dipped his head, a smile curling his lips. "Okay. I'd like that."

On Sunday morning, Peeta met Katniss downstairs around 8:30, as she'd instructed. She was already sipping tea, her signature side braid hanging over her shoulder.

"Do you want some tea?"

"No thanks. I'll wait until I come back."

As they headed toward the front door, Katniss reached into the coat closet for her bow and arrow. She felt his perplexed stare.

"We're going into the woods, Peeta," she answered his unasked question. "This is just for protection. It's only a precaution."

"If I don't make it back, give all my paintbrushes to Posy."

Katniss chuckled. "Shut up, silly." She slid her hand inside his. "Come on."

For the next two hours, Katniss and Peeta ventured into the woods. She pointed out various wildlife and trees, including one she used as a landmark. She showed him where some of her traps were located. She hadn't set any the day before since she'd caught plenty of game from her hunting that week. Then, she walked with him to the brook deeper in the forest and showed him the boulder where she liked to sit and watch the water glaze the rocks in the stream.

Peeta leaned against the boulder, wincing slightly. "I think I need a quick break."

Katniss's eyes widened with worry. "Are you okay? I didn't think about what all this walking would do to your leg."

"No, I'm okay. I just –"

She became agitated. "This was so stupid of me. I'm such an idiot. A stupid, inconsiderate idiot. I should have known better, I should have -"

"Katniss-Katniss-Katniss." Peeta cupped her face in his hands, steadying her, forcing her eyes to meet his. "I'm fine. I'm having a great time. I just need a quick break, that's all. Are you okay?"

She was a ball of emotion. On one hand, she was angrily berating herself. On the other, she felt disoriented by his eyes, which suddenly made her feel like she was rising and falling at the same time. She nodded vigorously, her eyes welling with tears.

"No, you're not," he said softly, his voice full of concern. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

For a split second, nothing was wrong. The dimly lit part of her heart that she couldn't discern before was fully illuminated and as clear as the water coursing the brook. She invited Peeta to the woods. She'd found Gale in the woods, but she invited Peeta. She finally admitted it to herself.

I'm falling for him. I'm falling in love with Peeta.

Then like a swift arrow to the heart, reality hit. There was something wrong. And it was all her fault.

Oh no. I'm falling in love with Peeta.

Katniss had insisted that she was fine. Then, she'd muttered that she would be right back, and she quickly disappeared behind the boulder where she left Peeta to rest. He'd known at that moment, she was probably using the back of her hands to wipe the water from her eyes.

She'd returned with the same artificial smile that he'd seen her wear when she knew others were watching the star-crossed lovers interact. It was the only smile she had that Peeta wasn't fond of.

For the rest of their trek in the woods, he had quietly studied her when she wasn't looking. He was worried about her; she had a tendency to internalize everything, and that behavior usually resulted in explosive nightmares that rattled her to her core.

Now, as Peeta sat in the living room with his mug of tea, she stood in front of the kitchen window absently watching the late afternoon downpour, her arms folded tightly across her chest. Peeta instinctively knew that someone – not something – was on her mind.

She misses him. She can't even talk to him ri— Oh, the letter! I forgot to give her Gale's letter.

Peeta stood abruptly and took to the stairs. He returned with the letter shoved in his back pocket and a strategy to lighten her mood. He walked into the living room and turned on the stereo, playing the next upbeat song on his father's music disc.

She turned her head to him as an infectious beat hopped through the air. He approached her dancing with his usual antics that couldn't mask his ability, and she instantly grinned at his cocked eyebrow and his lips puckered in mock intensity.

She placed her hand in his extended palm, and to his surprise, she needed no coercing this time. She instantly started moving back and forth to the song.

Baby whether you're high or low
Baby whether you're high or low
You've got to stay on the tightrope

He danced them back to the living room, and they were soon lost to the rhythm. At times, he pulled her close, their bodies almost touching, their faces inches apart. But that only lasted a moment. He soon spun her away from him, each time without warning, holding onto her hand so he could twirl her back to him. She couldn't help the giggles escaping her lips.

"You've got moves, Katniss," he said, clearly impressed. Her dancing had improved now that she lost her inhibitions about dancing in front of him.

"Oh please. You have an artificial leg and you still dance better than me." But she was smiling broadly at his compliment.

"That's because I'm awesome!" And with those words, Peeta spun her again. But this time, her hand slipped from his and she went flying, narrowly missing the coffee table as she landed face down on the couch.

"Oh shit," Peeta gasped, rushing over to her. "You okay?"

"You did that on purpose," she groaned into the chair cushions.

"No! No, I promise I didn't. I'm so sorry, Katniss. Are you hurt?"

Katniss sat up slowly, her hand pressed to her side. "I think I pulled something." She winced and Peeta's eyes were filled with alarm and remorse.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I really didn—"

But with quick reflexes, she grabbed a toss pillow from the couch and pounced on Peeta, who was completely caught off guard.

Her eyes danced with mischief as she straddled him and beat him relentlessly with the pillow. "I think I pulled a fast one on you, Mellark." She hovered over him, laughing triumphantly.

His mouth widened in surprise and realization.

"Wait," he begged through his laughter. "I'm an unarmed man! I come in peace!"

But she wouldn't stop. So he found another method. Peeta pulled her waist to his and quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulder to support her as he flipped her onto the couch and freed himself.

She screamed in surprise at his quick movements. He'd already grabbed a toss pillow and was returning the assault.

"You're going down, Mellark" she said defiantly. Clearly, he wasn't fighting her as hard as she was fighting him, and she was able to regain ground.

"I've got a secret weapon," he said huskily. He managed to get close enough to tickle her. She moved jerkily, protesting and laughing joyously as his fingers danced between her underarms and ribs. She ran for the stairs to escape him, and squealed in delight when she saw that he was right behind her, still in hot pursuit.

She ran to the master bedroom where the pillows were bigger and they had more space for the fight. But he was on her so quickly that she didn't have time to regroup before he was half assaulting her with the pillows, half tickling her with his fingers.

Katniss stumbled back onto the bed, pulling him on top of her. They squirmed now, breathless and laughing, their bodies pressed together. It started out innocently, but they'd soon fallen into that realm where everything made sense. And as their bodies idled down from their pillow fight, their eyes locked helplessly and with mounting intensity.

Then she felt him. Growing against her thigh. They both sucked air into their lungs, but his gaze was one of alarm and hers was one of anticipation. She bit the corner of her bottom lip.

Peeta quickly rolled off of her, looking unhinged. But she didn't want him to go. The hunger - the throbbing - was back, and she didn't know how to tell him that only he could satisfy it.

She propped herself on her elbows, trying to sound casual although she was desperate for more. "You're not conceding defeat, are you Mellark?"

But he'd already climbed off the bed and was heading into the bathroom. "I'll be right back," he mumbled. "I have something for you."

Katniss's heart rate quickened as she thought about what his words could mean. And her hunger grew exponentially, the throbbing intensifying between her legs.

He returned a moment later, having regained his composure. "I come in peace," he grinned with his hands lifted in surrender. But there was something strangely artificial about his smile. He didn't climb back into the bed. She pulled herself to a sitting position.

"I have something for you. I forgot to give it to you two days ago. I apologize." Peeta offered a small folded envelope that he pulled from his back pocket. She stared at it, flipping her quizzical eyes to his before accepting the envelope.

"I'm glad I could make you smile," he said quietly, "but I know this will really make your day."

And with those words, Peeta exited the room, leaving her to slowly open the envelope.

Her eyes grew solemn when she realized it was a letter from Gale.

He said that he would wait for her, that he would continue to fight for their love, that somehow they would be together one day despite Snow's demands.

Katniss quickly refolded the letter, every fiber of her being aching for the man in her own home, the man who made her feel hungry and alive. The man she lost.

Gale's cleaning cart had an annoying, squeaky wheel that he always forgot to oil until his shift had already started. But since getting the job three weeks ago, he and his mother were so focused on completing all of their assigned cleaning that Gale never had time for anything else.

This included talking to Madge. She worked the reception desk from 3-5 p.m. on weekdays after school, and on weekends when there was a function. Gale and Hazelle usually arrived at 4:45 p.m., so they could talk with Cottrell – Anson Cottrell – their supervisor who was in charge of facilities and maintenance.

Sometimes Madge stayed past 5 p.m., and Gale suspected that she wanted an opportunity to talk with him beyond their standard 'hello.' But she never pressed. From their interview, Madge could tell how important this job was to the Hawthornes, how badly they needed it. So she kept her distance and let them focus on completing their work.

But lately, Gale was finding notes left for him in conspicuous places on the first floor, the floor he cleaned (his mother took the second floor, and they worked together on the third floor). All of the notes were from Madge, all signed with her loopy signature, all positive words, all with a smiley face at the end. It surprised Gale that he appreciated them. He thought he would have found them to be immature, but they weren't. Madge's notes made him feel like someone noticed his hard work and effort, like someone appreciated him.

Gale had felt overlooked since his father died. Emory Hawthorne had invested a lot in his eldest son. He taught Gale how to hunt, how to survive life in the Seam, how to be a man, how to treat his younger siblings and mother.

"We have a lot of kids, your mother and I, and another baby is on the way," Emory Hawthorne said days before the mine explosion that claimed his life. "I know we ask a lot of you son, coming home after school and finding work instead of spending time with your friends. But we appreciate your help. And hard work never killed anyone."

Then he laughed in his deep, booming voice. And days later, he was killed while working hard in the mines.

Gale didn't take a lot of time to grieve. He was now the man of the house. Gale took to the woods in search of game so his mother would have to take out tesserae as infrequently as possible. But there was never enough to feed them all, so they often had to rely on the Capitol's rations in exchange for their names being entered additional times for the reaping. He also dropped out of school and took a full-time job in the mines.

Then one day, Gale saw her in the woods. He didn't know her name was Katniss, and when he approached her to tell her that her aim was all wrong, she was startled and frightened when she said her name. It sounded like "Catnip," so that's what he called her until they parted ways later that morning and she sheepishly told him her name was Katniss.

"That's an odd name," he quipped, not expecting her to respond. But she did. Defiantly.

"Well Gale isn't much of a name either."

Gale grinned. She had some fire in her after all. "Well I have an idea. Why don't you call me Gale, and I'll call you Catnip?"

She grinned and rolled her eyes at his one-sided proposition. "Whatever works… Gale."

They became fast friends. Her father, who died in the same mine explosion as Gale's father, had taught Katniss how to hunt, but Gale gave her some tips that improved the accuracy of her shots. He helped her to hunt, to survive. And although she rarely thanked him verbally, he knew she appreciated him every time she glanced into his eyes with that slightly bashful, slightly defiant grin that he believed was reserved just for him.

Years passed and he realized that Katniss would one day be his. He never asked, they never talked about it. Sure, he'd dated other girls. He had a reputation for his visits to the slag heap. But Katniss was not some girl he wanted to take to the slag heap. Katniss was the real thing, and he knew that despite his flings of youth, he would be content with Katniss by his side, loving her only, for the rest of his life.

Gale also liked the fact that Katniss wasn't superficial like most girls. She was always by herself or in the company of her sister. He never heard of her dating anyone or even holding hands with anyone, although she was blossoming into a beautiful girl.

There was this one guy, though, the baker's son. Everyone knew Peeta Mellark had a thing for Katniss – everyone except Katniss, it seemed – and Gale always caught Peeta staring at them when he and Katniss ventured past Mellark Bakery to the woods on the other side of the district or when they traded with Peeta's father. For Gale, it felt good to have Katniss by his side and to have a Merchant kid staring jealously. Gale never had anything that bested what a Merchant kid had. Katniss wasn't his girlfriend, but Peeta Mellark didn't know that.

Everything was fine until the last reaping. Gale knew when Effie Trinket placed her heart-shaped lips to the microphone and said "Primrose Everdeen," that his entire future, all his plans, were about to drastically change. Gale could feel his heart pounding in his chest. If Katniss would just remain quiet, he told himself, I'll volunteer for whichever male tribute is called. I'll make sure Prim comes back home.

But he knew better. And he watched her gather her nerve and step out of the crowd to volunteer for her sister. Gale knew, instinctively that Katniss needed him to watch over her mother and sister, just like Emory Hawthorne had needed Gale to watch over his mother and siblings.

Gale was speechless when Peeta Mellark's name was called as the male tribute. Well, at least he'll get to talk to her before he dies. They're bound to interact. And he'd better not come home. He'd better make sure he helps her win.

Gale was forced to view the Games, forced to watch the girl who had his heart fight through pain and injury to survive. Forced to watch her grieve a young tribute whose death had shaken her to her core. Forced to watch Peeta risk his life to save Katniss. Forced to watch her employ an even stronger level of defiance than he'd ever seen as she fought to keep Peeta alive. Forced to watch her kiss Peeta a cave.

By some miracle, they both returned home, victorious and supposedly madly in love. But Gale knew better. And when her eyes met his over the cheering crowd at the train station, he knew her heart was fluttering too. She was still his. And he was ready to be completely hers. Then…

"Gale?"

He jerked his head up at the sound, whacking it on the side of the sink he was cleaning.

"Oh goodness," Madge gasped in alarm. "I wasn't trying to startle you. I'll be right back."

Gale sat on the bathroom floor to get his bearings. Madge returned with an ice pack for his head.

"Sorry," she grimaced. She knelt beside him on the bathroom floor, clearly unconcerned that the belted cream-colored dress she was wearing would get dirty. His hand brushed hers as he reached for the ice pack that she was holding to his head.

"No let me; I've got it," she said, and Gale lowered his hand. "Do you feel dizzy or sick?"

"No. It just stunned me for a second. I'm fine."

"Well that's probably because you have a rock head."

Gale stared at her in surprise, but then a playful smile filled her face, and his shoulders shook with laughter. Madge seemed sweet, bold, and unpretentious – nothing like the snobbish Merchant girls that he'd gone to school with.

"I just wanted to tell you that there's a can of oil in the top cabinet of the storage room. I know the sound of that wheel must drive you crazy. I didn't mean for you to injure yourself."

Gale grinned in response. "Thanks Madge." He started to get up. He had too much work to finish to take too long of a break. She shielded his head as he stood, and their eyes met in bashful grins.

"Well, thanks again," Gale said. "For the ice and for my notes. I appreciate them."

"We appreciate you and Ms. Hazelle," she said. Then she turned to leave, fluttering her fingers in the air with a wave before she turned the corner, out of view.

For the rest of his shift, Gale's thoughts volleyed between Katniss and Madge. He didn't think it was possible, but after his interaction with Madge, Gale realized that Katniss might not have been the only girl he would never have taken to the slag heap.

Five weeks had passed since Peeta witnessed Katniss's kiss with Gale.

Four weeks had passed since Katniss realized – too late – that she was falling in love with Peeta.

She'd invited him into the woods that day when she knew. She wanted to tell Peeta how she felt, but she remembered that they were just friends, that he had his heart set on a soulmate he'd never met. Plus, it had only been a week since she was caught kissing Gale. If she declared her feelings for Peeta, she would seem fickle at best, mentally and emotionally unstable at worst.

She decided to keep her feelings a secret. She would tell him in a few weeks, when the sting of her kiss with Gale blew over. But later that evening four weeks ago, Peeta gave Katniss Gale's letter - the first of several she received with the rest coming by way of Rory and Prim - and Katniss knew that Peeta was serious about them just being friends. He would never have given her Gale's letter otherwise.

As if it were punishment, Katniss's feelings for Peeta had grown exponentially in the past month. She was now hopelessly, desperately in love with him. Even the most mundane interactions held promise and meaning - or could set the stage for her own scandalous imaginations.

On a recent night, Maura and Prim joined them for dinner. Peeta and Prim volunteered to do the dishes since Katniss and Maura prepared the meal.

Katniss sat at the kitchen table with Maura, engrossed by how the muscles flexed in Peeta's arms when he handed Prim a plate to dry. This led to her lip-biting reverie of his lips and hands exploring her body as she panted, moaned and screamed with pleasure and relief. Katniss didn't realize that Maura had been carrying on conversation with her until her mother waved her hand in front of Katniss's face to get her attention.

Katniss had tried dropping hints to Peeta. Instead of resting her palm lightly against his when they held hands, she now interlocked their fingers, clutching his hand possessively. At one time, she avoided high traffic areas on their walk home; now, she sought them out, eager for the kiss on the lips he would give her when many eyes were watching. At home, they were rarely apart. Katniss even began sharpening her arrows on the back porch while Peeta painted, so she could be near him.

Peeta didn't seem to notice.

But it was becoming increasingly harder for Katniss to suppress her feelings amid the hunger she now grappled with on a daily basis. Most nights, after they retreated to separate bedrooms, she would slide her hand between her legs and rub until she gasped into her pillow and her body sank with temporary relief.

But she knew there was more beyond what she could do for herself. And she yearned for more. With Peeta. She didn't know how to tell him. She didn't know if she should.

Now, on this warm April day, Katniss was glad to see several customers at Mellark Bakery when she arrived to meet Peeta.

Daniel turned briefly from a conversation to greet her.

"Hello dear." Katniss always appreciated Daniel's kindness, despite how her actions had broken his son's heart more than once. She greeted him warmly and asked if Peeta was ready to go.

"Probably not," Daniel said sympathetically. "He got stuck decorating a cake last minute. Why don't you have a seat and wait on him. Nat is over there." He motioned to a table in the corner. "You should join her, Katniss."

Katniss noticed the odd emphasis in Daniel's words. She looked across the room and spotted Natalie Minson Mellark, Thatch's wife. She was seated at a table near the kitchen door, her arm draped lazily over her swollen belly. Nance was standing beside the table, talking enthusiastically.

Great. This should be loads of fun.

As Katniss neared, her eyes locked with Natalie's.

"Oh look, it's Katniss. Katniss!" Natalie waved her over. Katniss tried to temper the scowl on her lips. Katniss didn't know much about Natalie, except that she was a Merchant's daughter and she'd married Peeta's eldest brother. Katniss and Natalie met briefly on the train to the Capitol for the big Everdeen-Mellark wedding, but their interaction had been non-existent, save a warm "congratulations, Katniss," and a cool "thank you."

Natalie was a pretty girl. She had long, dark blonde hair, almond-shaped turquoise eyes, and a distinct dimple in her chin. She was of equal height with Katniss but was slightly curvier, even before the pregnancy added a few pounds to her frame.

"Hi," Katniss said blandly, shifting her eyes from Natalie's to Nance's, then to nothing in particular.

"Natalie, it's always good to see you dear," Nance chirped, ignoring Katniss's greeting. "Don't forget to let me know about you and Thatch coming over for dinner next weekend." Nance turned and walked into the kitchen without as much as a 'hello' to Katniss.

When Nance was gone, Natalie turned to Katniss with over-widened eyes. "Please. Sit. I'm so glad you came when you did."

Katniss eyed Natalie suspiciously but lowered into a chair. "Why is that?"

Natalie lowered her voice discreetly.

"Because your mother-in-law was talking my head off about some baby name she adores." Natalie protectively rubbed her stomach. "She wants us to name our kid Jonesy. Jonesy Mellark!" Her face froze with a look of disgust. "What the hell kind of name is Jonesy?"

"Not a good one," Katniss said flatly.

"I swear. That woman is bat shit crazy."

Katniss was surprised by her own burst of laughter. On the train, Nance clearly adored Natalie. Katniss had just assumed that Natalie felt the same way about Nance, and that Natalie also shared Nance's low opinion of Peeta's Seam wife.

"I always thought you really liked Nance."

"Are you kidding me?" Natalie said emphatically. "Ask Thatch. He'll tell you what I think of his loon of a mother. That woman is delusional and intolerable and insufferable and an overall pain in the ass."

Katniss's mouth dropped open in surprise, grateful for Natalie's candor. At least she wasn't the only daughter-in-law who disliked Nance. "Well she certainly hates me."

"I can see that. But if she were a good mother in the least, she would back off because her son loves you."

Katniss shifted her gaze to the table. He doesn't love me anymore. We're just friends.

The kitchen doors parted and Peeta emerged, his eyes immediately landing on her. Katniss stood to greet him, hoping for a kiss even though they were out of direct view of most of the customers. He lifted her chin and gently pressed his lips to hers. For Katniss, it felt like a drop of water hitting parched ground.

"Hey," he said lightly, grinning. "I'm almost finished. Give me another 10 minutes, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, their faces inches apart. Spontaneously, she leaned forward and stole another kiss, her lips interlocking with his. Peeta offered a tentative smile as she pulled away, but his eyes questioned.

"Forget you two. Is my husband ready yet?"

"Thatch is still adding up receipts, Nat. He might be another 20 minutes. Do you two want some water or tea or anything?"

"Cheese buns," Natalie said firmly. In that moment, Katniss decided that she liked her sister-in-law.

Peeta chuckled. "You two must be related, and I don't mean by marriage. I'll be right back."

Katniss lowered back to her chair. "Those are my absolute favorite."

"I would bathe in them if I could," Natalie said wryly. "And little one here likes them too," she cooed.

"Congratulations, by the way Natalie. I'm really happy for you and Thatch."

"Thanks Katniss. We can't wait to meet him or her. Our little anti-Jonesy."

Katniss was still laughing when Peeta returned with several cheese buns piled on a plate. Rye followed carrying two glasses of water.

Natalie pretended she didn't see Rye standing there. "You are my favorite brother-in-law, Peeta. Just don't tell Rye I said that."

Rye smirked, mouthing "fuck you" to Natalie. No one saw Daniel approaching until he'd swatted Rye on the head without breaking his stride into the kitchen.

"Oww!"

"Busted," Peeta laughed.

Natalie leaned closer to Rye once Daniel was out of view. "Thatch already fucked me," she whispered and winked.

"Ohhh!" Peeta pressed the side of his fist to his lips. Katniss gawked at Natalie. She'd never met someone so brazen, so uninhibited.

Rye grinned, shaking his head disapprovingly. "You should be more of a lady, like Katniss, my favorite sister-in-law."

"Sorry," Natalie retorted over a mouthful of cheese bun. "Sometimes my inner slut comes out in public. But don't be fooled Rye. All women who are ladies in public are sex maniacs behind closed doors. Ain't that right, Katniss?"

Katniss froze amid a mouthful of cheese bun. She reached desperately for her water. Peeta, who had been doubled over in laughter at Natalie's inner slut comment, came to Katniss's rescue.

"You don't have to answer that Katniss," he said through laughter. "Nat and Rye spare no one when they go at it."

"We have no idea what we're going to do with her, Katniss," Rye laughed. "She's a live wire."

Peeta nudged Rye and told him they'd better get back to work.

"I love you Rye," Natalie said sweetly.

"Love you, Nat," he mimicked her, grinning as he followed Peeta, who was still laughing, back into the kitchen.

Katniss was completely caught off guard by their exchange. She'd had such a non-existent relationship with her in-laws that she didn't know this type of relationship was possible. The Mellark men had a lighthearted, playful side, and they were truly a family. Unlike Katniss, Natalie had found her place in it.

"I give Rye a hard time. He knows I'm crazy about him, just like I am about Peeta and Daniel, and of course, Thatch." She took a few sips of water to digest her cheese bun.

"So, Katniss," Natalie whispered conspiratorially. "For real. Is Peeta taking good care of you?"

Katniss nodded. "I always feel safer when he's around. He takes good care of me."

"No. I mean is he taking care of you."

Katniss tilted her head in confusion as she reached for another cheese bun.

"You know, Katniss," Natalie leaned even closer. "He's a Mellark. Is he taking care of you?"

Katniss stared at the table for a moment. "I don't know what you're asking. We both do chores around the house. I have my own money, so I don't depend on his. We—"

"Sex, Katniss," Natalie said bluntly. "How's the sex?"

Katniss's cheeks reddened, and she looked like she wanted to sprint out the door.

"Oh," she said dumbly, taking another long gulp of her water. "Wait. What do you mean when you say he's a Mellark?"

Natalie looked at her in wide-eyed amazement. "Are you two not having sex, Katniss? Have you and Peeta ever made love?"

Katniss stared anxiously at Natalie, at a loss for words.

"You haven't!"

"Shh!" Katniss glanced over her shoulder. No one seemed to notice. "No. Not exactly."

Natalie started counting the months they'd been married on her fingers. She sat back in her chair, completely flabbergasted. Then, she leaned forward.

"Katniss," Natalie said slowly, "your husband is a Mellark. All Mellark men are known to be – in Peeta's case assumed to be – well-endowed down there."

Katniss's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"Most of the women in District 12 would give half of their husband's balls to have the attention of a Mellark man. They're good-natured, hardworking men, and they can really satisfy a woman in bed. And I know this firsthand." Natalie patted her belly with satisfaction.

Katniss sighed, frustrated. So half of the school wants to date Peeta and most of District 12 wants to fuck him. And I'm married to him and we're doing nothing.

She felt Natalie's hand on her wrist. Her tone was suddenly serious.

"Hey, I know you two have been through a lot. When the time is right, it'll happen. I don't want you to think something's wrong with your relationship. You and Peeta clearly are attracted to one another. That's half of the battle."

Katniss lowered her gaze. Peeta had been attracted to her, but now they were just friends. Now, Peeta gave her love letters from another man and talked of finding his soulmate one day. And it was all her fault.

"Do you and Peeta ever hang out with other couples?"

"No. If it's not the two of us on the back porch, we eat dinner with my mom and sister. And maybe Haymitch."

Katniss felt like a total failure.

"You look like you need some girl talk," Natalie said quietly. "Tell you what. Come to my house tomorrow around 1 p.m. It'll just be the two of us… unless Nance stops by during lunch. Bring your bow and arrow just in case she does."

Katniss laughed heartily; she was feeling better already. "Okay. I'm looking forward to it."

The next morning, Katniss was just past the tree line, training her bow and arrow on a pheasant that was in view when she heard the footsteps. She turned around, startled, but he was already standing behind her.

His footsteps were always just as quiet as hers.

"Gale," she said breathlessly. She hadn't seen him since their kiss at her mother's house, five weeks ago. He'd stayed away, just like she'd asked.

He grinned, his eyes deep with affection. "Hi Catnip."

Before she knew it, she'd flung her arms around his neck. She didn't realize how much she missed him until he was standing in front of her. He held her close.

She pulled away, nervously glancing around. They hadn't had another scare of white roses or notes from President Snow. She didn't want to break that streak.

"How have you been? How's your family? Wait, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the mines?"

Gale grinned at her barrage of questions. "The mines are closed today for annual inspection." Annual inspection was a formality the Capitol instituted after the blast that claimed both of their fathers' lives. It was an empty goodwill effort that did nothing to improve safety or working conditions. Another falsehood of President Snow's regime.

"Oh. I didn't realize that was today."

Gale studied her quietly, and she felt jittery under his gaze. "Have you been getting my letters?"

Katniss swallowed hard. Gale had written her several times. Each letter professed his love for her, reassured her that he would wait as long as it took for her to get out of her marriage. She'd destroyed each letter in the fireplace for safety reasons. But she'd only responded twice, and each letter was brief and general with empty, noncommittal wording.

"Umm... yes, I've gotten them. I've just—"

"Katniss, I'm not upset with you. I know this is hard for you, and you have to be so careful given the threat from the Capitol. I came out here today just to let you know that I'm still here. Nothing has changed for me. I'm still in love with you. I still want you to be with you."

The sincerity in his eyes validated his words. Relief washed over her. She'd been so focused on the absence of Peeta's love that she'd forgotten that Gale's love for her hadn't changed.

He stepped closer. "I'm not going anywhere, Katniss. I believe wholeheartedly that one day you and I will be together and have the lives we want."

Oh Gale. How am I going to tell you that I already have the life I want.

"I know this is dangerous for you, so I'll leave you alone now. Just remember that no matter what, somehow, you and I will make this work. We will be together one day. I know it."

She nodded quietly, feeling terrible. She would have to figure out a way to tell him that she'd fallen in love with her husband, and she wanted their marriage to work.

Gale turned to walk away, and she took a step toward him.

"Are you okay, Gale?" she asked, truly concerned. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah," he smiled warmly. "We're all fine. I'll see you again as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay."

And he was gone, deeper into the woods.

Around 1 p.m., Katniss reached Natalie and Thatch's home. They lived in the Merchant Quarters, in a tiny blue house with two bedrooms and a modest backyard. It was a far cry from her and Peeta's Victor's Village home, but it was much nicer than anything the Seam offered.

Natalie opened the door before Katniss knocked. Her hair was pulled in a top knot and she wore pajama pants, a tank top, and slippers. Her smile was there, but her eyes looked tired.

"Is this a bad time?" Katniss asked.

"No, come in."

"You look like you don't feel well."

"I've been up part of the night puking."

Katniss's eyes questioned.

Natalie waved her hands dismissively. "Morning sickness is all. From the pregnancy. It'll be over soon. Come in."

Katniss stepped inside the home, her eyes absorbing what she saw. The walls were painted in warm beige tones. The furniture was mismatched, but clean and neat. There were numerous photos of Natalie and Thatch – on the coffee and side tables, on the walls, on a bookshelf in the corner – and they were either smiling or kissing in all of them.

Katniss was reminded that she and Peeta were given a photo album of pictures from their wedding as well as a large wedding portrait. She'd tossed the photo album in a bedroom closet in the early days of their marriage. The larger, framed image lived in their attic. Now, seeing the warmth photos added to Natalie's home, Katniss vowed to put more photos around her house.

"Your photos are really nice."

"Thank you. The day I married Thatch was the happiest day of my life." Natalie smiled down at her stomach. "Well, it will soon be one of the happiest days of my life."

Katniss silently envied Natalie's contentment.

"Let's talk about you, Mrs. Peeta Mellark," Natalie said as they both took seats on the couch. "I know you've been through a lot lately and I could tell that you needed someone to talk to. I'm glad you're here. What's been going on?"

Katniss stared quietly at the floor. She had no idea where to begin. She felt Natalie's hand on her forearm and Katniss looked into sincere eyes.

"Prim has you. You're her big sister. But who do you have? Peeta? Your mom? That Haymitch guy? They're all great people, but sometimes a girl just needs another girl to talk to. And you and I are both married to Mellark men. I won't tell anyone what you tell me, Katniss. Not even Thatch."

A weight lifted from Katniss's shoulders, and she realized that she needed Natalie's support.

Everything came gushing out. Her ruse in the Games. Her forced marriage to Peeta. The early days of their marriage. Gale's influence. Her treatment of Peeta. Her near assault. Her requests of Peeta to restore her. Her kiss with Gale. Their resulting friendship. Gale's continued pursuit. Her feelings for Peeta.

"It took me all this time to realize that I want to be with him. And now, he's out of reach. He doesn't want to be with me."

Natalie chewed thoughtfully on her lip. "Katniss, sometimes we don't fall in love at the same time, but it doesn't mean the love gone. I think Peeta still cares about you very much. It just sounds like he's scared shitless. He doesn't want to get his heart broken again."

"I know," Katniss groaned. "This is all my fault. But he's all I can think about. When he looks at me, I lose my train of thought. And don't let him whisper something in my ear. I get all tingly and weird and—"

"Where at? Down there?" Natalie motioned with her head toward Katniss' crotch.

"Yes! It's like a hunger or throbbing or something. I don't know what to do about it. I've never felt like this before."

"Did you feel this way when you kissed Gale at your mother's house?"

"Never," Katniss said, explaining how Gale had surprised her in the woods that morning. "Gale hugged me in the woods this morning and all I could think about was how much I missed Peeta's arms."

Natalie smiled knowingly. "Katniss, you are in love with Peeta, but it's beyond that. You love him. And you're ready for love."

"What do you mean, ready for love?"

"You want to make love to your husband. That's what happens naturally with romantic love. You want to express it. Intimately. There's nothing wrong with that."

Katniss pondered her words. I want to make love to my husband. Katniss liked the sound of that.

"You're at your wit's end because you're horny," Natalie continued with a smirk. "Listen, when I'm horny, Thatch is not leaving this house until I'm satisfied. I don't care if a Peacekeeper comes to the door and orders us to evacuate. We are staying right in that bedroom until we are done."

Katniss laughed riotously. "So how do I get un-horny."

"Well," Natalie said. "Are you certain that you want to be with Peeta? I mean are you completely sure?"

"Yes. I am completely sure." Katniss stood and paced the room. "He's the strongest, funniest, most generous, amazing guy I've ever met. And I'm absolutely attracted to him."

Natalie smiled. "Well, you'll have to convince him that what you feel for him is real and that things are completely over between you and Gale. He might come around without much effort on your part, but I think it will take time."

"So should I just come right out and tell him?"

Natalie shrugged her shoulders. "You could do that. But it may be better for you to show him first, to give him clues that you want to be his wife."

Katniss pondered this; Natalie continued.

"Do something unexpected for him. Consistency is also key. He'll come around if he thinks you're all in."

Katniss smiled and nodded quietly. She had an idea, and it involved buying several photo frames from the carpenter shop on the way home.

"What are you guys doing on Sunday afternoon around 4 p.m.? Come have dinner with me and Thatch. We can hang out, just the four of us. Two couples having a good time. And it'll give you more face time with Peeta," she winked.

Katniss grinned. "Okay, Nat. Unless Peeta has other plans, we'll be here."

When Peeta called that afternoon, she told him she couldn't meet him because she was "working on a surprise." He sounded cautiously optimistic.

When his key turned in the lock, she'd just finished. She drew a deep breath and tucked wayward strands of hair in place. Then she met him at the door, demanding that he close his eyes.

"Take my hand. I'll guide you."

Peeta grinned and shut his eyes. "What's going on? I don't like closing my eyes. I have trust issues."

"Shut up, silly," she laughed. "Do what I tell you, and I promise I won't walk you into anything."

He was still cracking jokes when they reached the living room. She told him to open his eyes. When he did, his grin slowly dropped from his face.

Above the fireplace in a large matted mahogany frame was a portrait from their wedding reception. In this photo, she wore her reception dress - white lace with cap sleeves and a fitted bodice. He remembered the photographer positioning them for that photo. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her eyes were shut, and a subtle smile curled her lips. He gazed lovingly at her, his lips almost grazing her forehead.

He swallowed hard.

"You hate it," she worried, still clutching his hand. "I can take it down if -"

"No. No." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It's amazing. You've done an amazing job. Thank you."

She smiled in relief. "I have more to show you upstairs."

She pulled him to his bedroom. His lips formed the letter "O" in surprise as he took in the sight of his sunset painting, which he'd completed weeks ago, hanging above his bed.

"You paint these amazing canvases, and you stack them in a corner on the back porch. They need to be on display."

Peeta slowly shook his head. "Wow," he grinned. "This looks so good, Katniss. I appreciate it."

"There's more."

He was again ordered to shut his eyes; she led him to the master bedroom.

"Now."

Peeta's jaw dropped. Above the king-sized bed was the largest portrait, a horizontal black and white photo of their wedding kiss. It was yet another one of the staged photos they'd taken immediately after the marriage ceremony. Her left hand was resting lightly on his chest so her wedding ring was visible, and her head was tilted to his as their lips gently interlocked.

His eyes clouded with sadness as he remembered how she'd repelled immediately after the photographer said he had the shot.

"Do you like it?" She asked hopefully. Peeta studied her. She wasn't the same woman he'd married. And, given all the highs and lows of their relationship, he didn't know what to think about that.

He nodded, concealing his tangled emotions. "I've never seen this one before," he said quietly. "Where did you get it?"

"We've always had it and others. In the trunk Effie sent after the wedding. They were just sitting in tubes waiting to be framed."

He turned to her now, his curiosity laced with skepticism. "Why did you do all of this?"

She shrugged bashfully. "You work so hard, and you're so good to me, Peeta. I want us to have a happy home too. And in order for that to happen, it has to feel like home."

"It does feel like home," he said quietly. "Thank you, Katniss."

But Peeta sensed another motive, and he quickly silenced the familiar voice in his head that said she was becoming his.

She thought he hadn't noticed the hints she'd been dropping in recent weeks - the intense hand-holding, the strategic kisses, her following him throughout the house. His plan was to remain unaffected; after all, it was only a phase. It was always just a phase when it came to her affections for him.

But with this portrait signaled something different, unexpected. He was being hunted. He was becoming his wife's prey. And Peeta had no intention of allowing his heart to be captured.

Riotous laughter flooded Thatch and Natalie's modest dining room where the four of them sat around half-empty serving dishes.

They'd prepared a meal of roasted duck, green beans and sweet potatoes. None of these foods were typically found in District 12. Thatch said he'd ordered them especially for Natalie and the baby.

"It was the first meal he made for me when we got married," Natalie said, staring lovingly at Thatch. "I knew right then that I'd married the right person."

They all went into the living room, Natalie and Thatch refusing to let Katniss and Peeta help with the dishes. Peeta and Katniss sat on the loveseat, his arm draped behind her on the back of the chair. Natalie and Thatch sat on the couch, his hand on her knee, her arms encircling one of his arms. They looked like they belonged together. Katniss wondered if Peeta was looking at them and thinking about finding his soulmate one day. The thought saddened her.

Fortunately, the conversation turned to funny stories from Peeta and Thatch's childhood. Katniss found herself doubled over in laughter as Peeta and Thatch recounted some mishap that they could have – should have – gotten into huge trouble for but didn't.

"We had a strategy," Thatch said, his shoulders shaking with laughter. He and Peeta exchanged knowing glances.

"Blame Rye," they said in unison.

"Poor Rye," Katniss laughed. "He doesn't stand a chance, does he?"

"Nope," Natalie said. "He's such a playboy. It's just fun to give him a hard time."

"But he's like a superhero in our family, because he can get on our mom's last nerve," Peeta laughed, "and she never knows what to do about it."

"What does she always say?" Thatch said. "Dammit Rye. If you had half a brain you'd be dangerous."

They all burst into laughter again. Katniss wiped tears that were now dripping from the corner of one eye.

"I'm sure seeing her aggravated is worth it," Katniss said.

"It truly is, sis," Thatch said. The word 'sis' rolled from his tongue. Katniss liked it. It made her feel like she belonged. "Our mom isn't all bad. She's just a pain in the ass. So whenever you can annoy a pain in the ass, it's the best thing ever."

Then Natalie started talking about Nance's choice for a baby name.

"Jonesy?" Peeta said in distaste. "What the hell is a Jonesy?"

Natalie and Katniss exchanged excited, emphatic looks of agreement. "That's exactly what Nat said yesterday at the bakery!"

"This is a job for Rye Mellark, Ass Pain Annoyer," Thatch said in a theatrical voice.

"That's a great idea, baby! If anyone can get her off that trail, it's Rye." Natalie leaned closer to Thatch, planting a slow peck to his lips. "You're so smart." Kiss. "And handsome." Kiss. "And funny."

Thatch cupped her face for a longer kiss. "Thank you gorgeous."

"Am I still gorgeous even though my ass is spreading?"

"You're more beautiful now than ever. I absolutely love all of you."

Peeta and Katniss shifted awkwardly. She stared at the floor. But he began to notice all the framed photos on the wall...

"Sorry you guys," Thatch said sheepishly as he and Natalie pulled away. "We'll try to behave."

Katniss slid her hand inside Peeta's, interlocking her fingers with his. She could feel his gaze.

"It's okay," Katniss said, giving him a kiss on the lips. "We're good."

The following evening, she sat on the floor of the back porch, sharpening her arrows while he worked on another canvas. He said he wanted to try his hand at something abstract.

She was intensely focused when his words stopped her.

"So your birthday is in a few weeks, May 8th, right?"

Her eyes flashed to his. "Uh, yeah. May 8th."

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Sex, she thought ruefully. I want sex.

"Umm... I don't know," she shrugged.

Peeta continued. "Well, I was thinking it would be nice to leave 12 for a few hours. There's an actual sit down restaurant in 10, not too far from here. We could make it a day trip. We could bring Maura, and Prim, and Haymitch, if he wants to go."

Katniss stared at him in disbelief. "You've thought about what we could do for my birthday?"

"Of course," he smiled with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's your birthday. Why wouldn't I?"

She was gripped with sadness and shame.

"Peeta... When is your birthday?"

He turned to look at her, his expression unreadable but calm. Then he turned back to the canvas. "February 25."

He'd had a birthday while they were married. She hadn't even thought to ask. She was probably somewhere with Gale while Peeta celebrated alone.

"I'm sorry, Peeta."

"It's okay," he shrugged. "My parents never made a big deal over birthdays anyway. Well, my dad would make us some cookies. But my mom didn't want to waste ingredients on us."

How the hell am I any different from Peeta's mother? I'm a terrible, terrible person.

She sprang to her feet.

"I want to have a picnic in the meadow. Just you and me. No one else. And I want it to be a joint birthday celebration. Yours and mine."

"You don't have to do that Katniss. It's your day."

"I want to, Peeta. And I promise you, I'll never miss your birthday again. Okay?"

He smiled. "Okay."

She lowered back to her arrows, and he continued his brushstrokes on the canvas.

Peeta knew when she had a nightmare involving Prim. Katniss's screams were different, more intense and laced with protests. Katniss's love for her sister was always on display, even when she was asleep. He forgot that Katniss had had an equally fierce reaction more than a month ago when she dreamed that Allister fatally stabbed him.

Peeta was groggy but was at her side in a matter of seconds. It was early Wednesday morning, hours away from any trace of daylight. There was another heavy downpour in full concert outside the open window, and moonlight cast shadows on the opposite bedroom wall.

Depending on the severity of her nightmare, he might need to restrain her until she woke. But tonight, she'd hurled forward in bed, her eyes as wide as saucers. Gentle words and strong arms were what he always used to find her, to guide her back and keep her from falling apart. He would lie beside her until she recovered, sometimes watching her for 10, 20, 30 minutes after she'd fallen asleep. It all depended on where he was in his own recovery. When he was at greater risk of forfeiting his heart again, Peeta was back in his own bedroom within minutes. When he felt stronger, he stayed longer.

But on this night, he didn't have much choice. He was exhausted, and he fell asleep as soon as she quieted on his chest. He was still asleep, still cradling her two hours later when her eyes fluttered open. She hadn't had a nightmare or been startled by a noise. She was simply awake.

For several minutes, her tired eyes focused on the wall that showcased the moonlight. Then, she tilted her head to watch the blueish-gray tint frolic on Peeta's eyelashes and the bridge of his nose.

Suddenly, she realized why she awake.

Lately, the throbbing sensation between her legs bypassed subtlety and screamed for attention. But it had never woken her… until now.

She was hungry. And he was here. And she was hopeful that all the words she hadn't been able to voice in recent weeks could finally be communicated in a different language.

Katniss pulled from his relaxed embrace, careful not to wake him. Her eyes slowly washed over him, grateful that they could linger without fear of him catching her.

He's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Emboldened, she lightly ran her thumb underneath the covers that stopped at his waist and carefully lifted the bed sheets so she could peer underneath.

She gasped and quickly cupped her hand over her mouth. He was very clearly erect, his manhood making a sizable tent of his pajama pants.

Katniss lowered the covers, but her chest was heaving; she bit the corner of her bottom lip, her mind trying desperately to rein in her emotions.

But it was too late. She wanted him. Once again, she was starving, and Peeta had what she needed to stay alive.

She was panting when her lips interlocked eagerly with his, when one hand trailed from his firm chest to the side of his neck.

His eyes flipped open in groggy confusion at the lips, lavender, and long tendrils of moonlight-blue hair grazing the side of his face. She was persistent, but he managed to pull away. They both panted, staring at each other's dim representations.

"Katniss?"

She nervously moistened her lips with her tongue.

"I know you're tired and you need your sleep. But I am so hungry for you, Peeta. I want you so bad. Please. I'm so hungry."

He was caught completely off guard, and she was kissing him again before the words left her lips. His chest rose and fell rapidly underneath hers.

Then there was a moan at the base of his throat, and Peeta was kissing her with matched intensity. Like dry leaves to an open flame, they quickly caught fire with Peeta rolling her onto her back, and Katniss's fingers tangling in his hair. She'd caught him in a moment of low resistance, when his heart could easily volley back into her hands.

Her lips were on his neck, and her hands were pushing against the waistband of his pants when Peeta came to himself, his internal alarm carrying the same warning message throughout his senses: Danger. You risk capture.

"Wait," he panted. "Katniss, wait. Stop."

But she was persistent. So he climbed off, flipped on the lamp, and sat on the edge of the bed facing her. She sat upright, her hair in disarray around her shoulders, her hardened nipples pushing against his t-shirt. She was still trying to catch her breath.

"What's wrong?"

"What's going on, Katniss?"

She swallowed hard and moved to her knees. "I want to, Peeta. With you."

His eyes narrowed skeptically. "You want to… make love?"

His words sent an electric current from the source of her hunger through her chest. She inched closer, nodding.

"Yes. I want to make love."

He stared blankly at nothing in particular, his brows furrowing. His eyes shifted to where her hands had reached for his, then back to her eyes.

"I know this seems unexpected, but it's been on my mind for a long time. Peeta, I'm crazy about you, and I've been trying to tell you how I feel for weeks now. And then there's this hunger." Her breaths quickened. "I only feel it when you're near me, when you touch me," her lips were again on his neck, "when you kiss me."

Peeta sat motionless on the side of the bed as her kisses devoured his neck.

"Please," she moaned. "Make love to me. I want to. I want to so bad."

"You want to." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes," she said breathlessly. One of her hands still held his, and the other was now underneath his shirt advancing toward his chest. "I want to."

She felt his throat bob underneath her kisses as he swallowed.

"So I guess what I want doesn't matter."

She tensed and slowly pulled away. His face and eyes were hardened, emotionless.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you don't care if this is what I want or not."

She blinked in confusion. "Peeta, you said you wanted to make love. Not even two months ago. And I wouldn't have been ready then, but I'm ready now." She swallowed hard. "We're husband and wife, Peeta. There's no harm in us being together like this."

"Unbeliev –" Peeta stood abruptly from the bed and angrily paced the room.

Katniss climbed out of bed, completely perplexed. "Peeta," she said cautiously. "I don't understand why you're upset. I thought you'd be –"

He spun around to face her, his eyes at a controlled burn. "Tell me Katniss, why? Why do you want to make love to me?"

"I told you. I've wanted to for a while. You make me want to. It's like a hunger. That's the best way that I can explain it. And I trust you. I trust myself with you."

His eyes still glowered. "So those are your reasons?"

She was growing exasperated. "Yes. Peeta, I don't understand." She stepped closer to him. "Please. I don't want to fight. I'm just trying to understand."

"Ask me why I wanted to make love to you, Katniss."

"What?"

"Ask me why!"

"Why did you want to make love to me?!"

"Because I fucking love you!"

She startled at his words, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Peeta," she whispered.

His voice broke. "I love you, Katniss. That's why I wanted to make love. But your reasons are different. You want to make love to satisfy yourself. Because you're selfish."

She stood in stunned silence, her mouth agape.

"And you have the nerve to say that I wanted to make love not even two months ago? What about this Katniss? Not even two months ago, you were wedged in a corner kissing another man when I was right in the fucking backyard! What about that?"

She felt completely panicked and lifted her hands in a placating gesture. "You're right," she said tearfully. "I was wrong. It was my fault. I wish I'd never kissed Gale. I made a bad decision that day, and it completely derailed us. I've been trying to get us back ever since."

"There's nothing to get back, Katniss! I've made that perfectly clear. You and I are friends. Nothing more! And for you to try to seduce me while I'm asleep – I told you my boundaries and you completely disregarded them. You obviously have zero respect for me!"

Hot tears streamed down her face. "I'm sorry." Her voice was small. She lowered her eyes in humiliation.

"And another thing. You only want me because Gale is not around. I'm not your first choice. I've never even been a choice for you. I'm just available."

"That's not true, Peeta," she insisted.

"Whatever, Katniss."

"It's not!"

"You only want Gale. It's always Gale for you. That'll never ch—"

"No it's not true! I saw Gale in the woods and all I could only think about was how much I wanted to be with you!"

Her eyes widened in fear as soon as the words left her mouth. Peeta's eyes were raging.

"You were with him in the woods?" he said darkly.

She tried to backpedal, to explain what happened. But it was too late.

"Fuck it. I'm going back to bed – my bed. In public we have to act like we love each other, but we both know the truth. We'll keep up appearances for the sake of our families. But behind closed doors, I want you to stay the hell away from me! Pretend I don't exist, and I'll do the same for you."

A sob escaped her throat as his bedroom door slammed shut. And she sank to the floor, ashen faced, her lips quivering, knowing they would never, ever recover.

Around 4 a.m., 20 minutes after Peeta slammed his door, Katniss ambled to the bathroom and washed her tear-streaked face. Then, she slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a jacket and walked downstairs, out of the kitchen side door, and to her mother's house where she spent the rest of the night in the downstairs guest bedroom.

Peeta heard her quiet footsteps on the stairs. Then he heard the kitchen side door click shut. From his bedroom window, he watched her step into the rainstorm and move unhurriedly to Maura's house.

Peeta had watched her carry burdens for many years. Each time, she was defiant, strong, and formidable. But as she braved the rain with downcast eyes, this burden looked too heavy for her to bear.

He sat heavily on the bed, trying to justify his anger.

"How dare she say that to me?"

But these words replayed in his mind: I'm hungry for you, Peeta. I want you so bad. Make love to me. Please. I'm so hungry.

He shook his head vigorously as if to clear it. "No. She wants Gale. She was with him in the woods. She said so herself."

All I could think about was how much I wanted to be with you. I want you, Peeta.

"She's just selfish. She wants to break my heart again. This is a sport for her."

But then he remembered the look of brokenness and vulnerability on her face. Admitting her feelings was probably hard for her. She wasn't trying to break his heart. She was trying to give him hers. And he'd crushed her.

He ran his hand roughly over his face, feeling like he was in a tailspin. He still wasn't willing to give her his heart. But he wished she was still in the bedroom across the hall. He would apologize and try to talk things over, calmly this time.

But maybe it was for the best that she left. Because he couldn't stop reliving the feel of her lips on his neck, the sight of her nipples poking through his shirt, the sound of her soft moans as her body pressed against his.

And then there was the true danger, the resurging tightness in his pants. His own, insatiable hunger.

Three squirrels. Three lousy squirrels. After six hours in the woods, it was all Katniss had to show for her hunt.

She'd escaped into the woods around 6 a.m., for two reasons. She needed to get game for Greasy Sae, and she needed to think, to sit on her boulder by the brook and sort out what happened between her and Peeta.

It was less 'sorting out' and more 'coming to terms with.' He'd made himself painfully clear. They would never be lovers. She was selfish, confused, disrespectful, and he wanted nothing to do with her unless they were in public putting on a show to satisfy President Snow.

She tilted her head upward, soaking in the sunlight that sliced through the thick canopy of trees. It was a dazzling late spring day, the type that could easily re-energize even the most forlorn soul. Yet, her shoulders still sagged.

She understood why Peeta was angry, and after giving it much thought, she realized that everything Peeta said about her was true. She didn't deserve him or anyone else. She didn't deserve to be happy or to be in love. That was for other people, good people. Not her.

So in some twisted way, Katniss looked forward to punishing herself, to aching for his affection but knowing it was out of reach. She'd taken advantage of him and squandered all the love he'd so freely given her. Now, all that she'd enjoyed from his bounty was no more. No more laughter, no more dancing in the living room, no more spending time together on the back porch. He'd had enough. And she had absolutely no fight left.

Back at home, Katniss quickly cleaned and refrigerated the three squirrels before trudging upstairs to shower. She had a game plan: shower, do her laundry, move her clothes and belongings to the guest bedroom downstairs.

On any given night, she could wake up screaming; she didn't want Peeta's sympathy, his obligatory support. But, it would hurt even more if he heard her in the bedroom across the hall, and he didn't comfort her. So she vowed to get through each nightmare alone. To get through life alone.

She stood in the shower, staring blankly at the wall, not even applying body wash until the water began to cool. It took great effort to towel dry her body and her hair. She hadn't eaten all day, but she wasn't hungry. She had smelled the breakfast her mother was cooking in the kitchen, but Katniss had slipped out the back door, completely unnoticed.

Alone. That's how she would survive whatever remained of her life. Alone.

And maybe one day soon, Prim would be established and in her own family. And she wouldn't need her big sister anymore. And her mother could let her go, since they'd already said goodbyes when she left for the games. Maybe then, Katniss could disappear.

She wept into her palms, but quickly dried her red-rimmed eyes. She couldn't waste time crying, not when being alone would be her reality. She pulled her hair into a top knot, secured her opal necklace, wrapped the oversize towel around her lithe frame, and pulled open the bathroom door.

She froze when she saw him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, looking expectantly at the bathroom door, his hands clasped between his knees. She nervously pushed wayward strands of damp hair from her face.

"I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't use your bathroom." She lowered her eyes to the floor and pursed her lips. "I'm moving all of my things downstairs. If you'll give me a few minutes, I'll be out of your way."

She hurried to the dresser and started to gather her clothes.

"Katniss." There was an intimacy in how he said her name. She felt rooted to the floor. "Stop."

He stood from the bed and slowly walked to her. She quickly wiped at a tear, willing herself not to shed another.

"Can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about. You've already told me how you feel, and I appreciate your honesty."

"Please."

She lifted her eyes to his; they were as tortured as hers. She nodded.

"Just let me put on some –"

"No. Just like this."

He led her to the full-length mirror near the dresser and steered her to stand in front of the mirror. He stood behind her and enveloped her in an embrace, his arms encircling hers.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry for how I spoke to you last night." He swallowed hard. "You didn't deserve that."

She silently cursed the disobedient tears that ran down her cheeks. She turned her eyes to the floor.

"Look at me," he said softly.

She lifted her eyes to the mirror.

"You are the most desirable woman in the world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. I was angry with myself because despite my best efforts to get over you, all it took was one touch, one kiss, and I was gone again." He sighed deeply. "Katniss, only two things frighten me. One of them is the thought of something happening to you."

"And the other is loving you."

Tears streamed down his face. Her breath caught in her throat.

"I know that sounds odd, but it's true." He sniffed. "When I'm in love with you, I'm all in. You have no idea what I would do for you, how madly and deeply I love you. I just can't risk it anymore, not with our track record. I would be utterly destroyed."

She nodded sadly.

"But you're right. We are married, and we will be married for a long, long time to come. And I don't want you to be trapped in an unfulfilled marriage."

She squinted quizzically, hanging on his every word.

He planted a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder. "There are some things I can do to give you relief without us going all the way. But I'm not there yet, Katniss; I need you to be patient with me. I'm trying to get there because I want you to be satisfied. And I don't want us to avoid one another. I still want this to be a happy home."

Her face crumpled in a sob. He stepped in front of her and pulled her into his arms.

"I hurt you, Katniss, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm truly sorry."

Her words spewed forth without restraint.

"You were right. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to be happy. I wish I'd just taken the nightlock in the arena, Peeta. I know you would've taken care of my mom and Prim. You would've looked out for them. Everyone would be better off if I wasn't here."

He pushed her to arms length, his eyes widened in alarm amid fresh tears.

"No! You don't get to think that way. I need you, Katniss. I need you to be alive and safe and happy. We all need you. Don't ever let me hear you say those words again. Do you understand?"

She nodded still sobbing as they clung to one another. In that moment, they both realized the same truth. It wasn't their own happiness they were after; it was each other's. They would sacrifice for the other, to make sure the other was safe and happy and well.

Ultimately, it was all that mattered.

Peeta and Katniss ate dinner that evening with Maura and Prim. When he pulled Katniss into his arms and she rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist just before they tackled the dishes, their affection wasn't pretense.

They were in a good place, somehow recovering from their latest bout and emerging with an even stronger bond.

Later, Peeta helped Prim with her homework on fractions, while Maura and Katniss refilled bottles of ointments and oils from the apothecary supplies.

The phone rang shortly after 6 p.m. Daylight was still streaming through the windows and unlike the night before, there were no signs of a late evening rainstorm.

Everyone stood and walked slowly to the phone when Maura gasped, clutching the receiver in her hand.

"Are they okay? Are they all okay?"

Katniss and Peeta exchanged worried glances.

"We'll be right there."

Prim was questioning Maura before she replaced the receiver.

"It's the Hawthornes. There's been a fire. Gale and Hazelle were at work; Rory, Vick, and Posy made it out alive. But they're homeless."

Katniss, Peeta, Maura, and Prim rushed to the Seam, toward the smoke billowing above the smoldering pile that once was the Hawthorne home.

There was the typical crowd of onlookers to push through, but at the front of the crowd several men in miners' uniforms had formed an assembly line to pass the buckets of water that had extinguished the home. Gale was standing closest to the house running his hand roughly over his face. Thom was standing to Gale's right with his hand on Gale's shoulder.

"Gale."

He turned at Katniss's voice as the four of them rushed over.

"It's all gone," he shrugged forlornly. "It wasn't much, but it's all gone."

"Is everyone okay?" Peeta asked. "Where are the kids and your mom?"

"Thankfully, everyone's safe." Gale pointed across the street. "They're over there."

Prim darted through the crowd to Rory, who was walking toward them with Vick, Hazelle, and Posy in tow. Posy took off running toward Peeta, who lifted her in his arms.

"Peeta, my house died," she said sadly. "We lost everything." He tucked her head to his shoulder.

"Everything is going to be alright, sweet girl," he said. "Don't worry about anything, okay?"

Maura embraced Hazelle.

"Why do these things keep happening to us, Maura?" Hazelle could no longer hold back her tears. She began to sob on Maura's shoulder. Posy wriggled from Peeta's arms and went to comfort her mother.

Peeta approached Katniss and Gale and Thom. "Do you know what caused the fire?"

Gale sighed in exhaustion. "I have no idea. My mom and I left for work and we'd been there about an hour when someone came to the Justice Building and said our house was on fire. We left immediately and people were already trying to put out the flames, but it was completely engulfed. It was too late."

Just then, Katniss saw a familiar face pushing through the crowd and calling for Gale. It was Madge. She reached for his forearm and pulled him into a supportive embrace that he willingly received. Katniss looked unaffected, but Peeta stared curiously at Madge and Gale.

"I just heard," Madge said. "Are you all okay?"

"Yes. Thankfully, no one was hurt."

She turned to greet Katniss and then Peeta.

"Where is Ms. Hazelle? I want to check on her too."

Peeta pointed to where Maura and Hazelle and Posy stood several feet away, and Madge maneuvered through the crowd.

"She's a good one, Gale," Thom said. "You don't find many Merchant women willing to come into the Seam to check on people in need. Especially not the mayor's daughter."

Gale responded to Thom, but his eyes were trained on Katniss. "Yes. She's a good friend."

Katniss looked away, not wanting to give any hope – any false hope – to Gale. Peeta quietly watched their exchange.

Two Peacekeepers pulled up to take an official report. It was Trolly and Lester. They approached Gale and then asked to speak with Rory, who was home with his younger siblings at the time of the fire. Hazelle and Madge also walked over, leaving Posy and Vick with Maura and Prim.

Katniss, Peeta, Thom, Gale, Hazelle, and Madge all exchanged confused glances when Rory reported that the stove wasn't on at the time of the fire; they'd all assumed a kitchen fire was probably to blame. But Rory said he saw flames outside the home. Then, he rushed his brother and sister to safety before he ran to get help. The flames quickly spread.

"We'll investigate Mrs. Hawthorne," Trolly said. "Do you have a place to stay tonight?"

Hazelle nodded. "Maura Everdeen offered to take us in."

Gale stared dejectedly at the ground. "Gale, you're always welcomed to stay with me, if you want to be closer to the Seam," Thom said. "I know you may want to come back here and see if anything can be salvaged."

Gale nodded gratefully. "Thanks Thom. I think I'll take you up on that for a night or two, until I can find us someplace else to live."

"And I'll check the listings," Madge offered. "We get them first through the Justice Building. There's something else out there."

Hazelle embraced and thanked Madge. Gale smiled gratefully.

Peeta pulled Lester aside. Katniss followed them.

"Where's Darius," Peeta asked, glancing around the crowd.

"Oh, didn't you hear? He was re-stationed," Lester said. "He's in the Capitol now."

"The Capitol?" Katniss asked uneasily.

"Yeah. No one knew he was leaving. One day, we went to check on him because he didn't show up for work, and there was an official order from President Snow on his kitchen table. His house was completely cleaned out except for the order and a ton of long-stemmed white roses strewn all over the floor."

Katniss gripped Peeta's arm to steady herself. Both of their hearts raced.

"Lester," Peeta asked slowly, carefully. "Have you seen those roses anywhere else around town?"

"Only at Darius's house and on the doorstep of that low life Allister that attacked you Katniss," Lester said. "And then there's the one over there that the little girl is playing with."

Katniss and Peeta looked up in horror to see Posy, standing near Hazelle, stooping down to pick up the long-stemmed white rose that lay beside the smoldering home.

A/N: I know that's a tough ending for now. I'll try to get the next chapter finished as soon as possible. If you're wondering, the songs mentioned in this chapter are Like a Star by Corinne Bailey Rae and Tightrope by Janelle Monae. Thanks again for reading!