Disclaimer: please don't sue me I'm really poor

So Far: James and Lily are both Heads. Lily tried to kiss James, but he rejected her. Sirius and Lily made up again. Marlene and Dorcas shared a steamy kiss last year but haven't talked about it since, even after Dorcas came out as a lesbian.

Chapter 33

Or

Of Drunken, Unspoken Apologies

This was, perhaps, a bit bizarre, but if one only ever saw James Potter and Lily Evans during prefect meetings, you would not be able to tell there was a quarrel. Indeed, as Heads, they functions much the same before and after their fight, perfectly professional, communicating amicably. In fact, one might think that it was Remus Lupin who'd fought with Lily Evans, as he, in increasingly obvious ways during the week preceding Halloween, was quite rude to her.

Most people, however, saw the aforementioned students in many places, and so knew that James wasn't on speaking terms with Lily either, and yet, undeniably, they were functioning remarkably well as Heads. At this point, it was no longer gossip, but it was definitely weird, something to raise an eyebrow at – and then move on to much more interesting things.

More interesting things such as, for example, Halloween. More importantly, the Marauders' after party.

It was going to be big this year. Slughorn was throwing a party as well, and so the Marauders set out to outdo him in every way. They were going brighter, flashier, younger. True, if one wanted to meet a government official, they could go to Slughorn's party – those who were invited, that is – but those who wanted to have a good time knew that the better option was the dungeon being secretly prepared during the entire week before the night in question.

Secrecy is perhaps an exaggeration. Several students were willing to swear Flitwick was among the decorators. Others saw Sirius and James confer with McGonagall as to how loud the music was permitted to be. One student swore very adamantly that Dumbledore was planning on making an appearance.

Somehow Slughorn managed to hear none of this, and had, in the meantime, enlisted other students to help organize his own party. It was going to be a night, indeed: a feast and two separate parties. Mary, for one, was excited; she hadn't been invited to Slughorn's party, and so didn't have to face the decision Dorcas and Lily did as top Potions students. That was, she was excited until she heard Lily say that she wasn't sure she was going to either party.

"WHAT?"

The five of them – Lily, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and Dan – were sitting in the Great Hall eating their breakfast. Dan wasn't really speaking to them, at least not with Cam around, but as Cameron was nowhere to be seen he'd joined them, just as the conversation turned to the parties that night.

"I just… haven't been in the mood for socializing. It hasn't been a very good year so far, if we'll be honest," Lily said. "And I was going to catch up on some homework in the library. I got extensions while I was – well, you know. But the deadlines are all coming up again now and I just – "

"I cannot believe this," Mary said. "Dorcas, tell her."

"She's right, actually," Dorcas said without looking up from the butter plate. "Lily, I mean. She's basically drowning in work."

Mary huffed in indignation. "I cannot believe – Marlene, tell her!"

"I honestly don't care, Mary," Marlene said. "Let Lily behave the way she wants to behave. That's what she'll do anyway."

"See? I'm too stubborn for you change my mind," Lily said. "Pass the sugar, will you?"

Just then Sirius passed by and plopped down in the seat next to Lily. "Hey! What are we talking about?" he asked as he nabbed a peace of French toast straight off Lily's plate.

"We're trying to convince Lily to go to the parties tonight," Mary said.

"Mary is trying to convince Lily to go to the parties tonight," corrected Dan. "The rest of us were just eating. Hey, Sarah." A fourth year paused by him, blushing profusely. "Want to join us?"

She nodded, throwing her scarf back and sitting down slightly clumsily.

In the meantime, Sirius looked at Lily, appalled.

"You're not coming to our party?" He hit his chest with both hands one after the other. "I'm hurt, wounded, Lily."

"She's not coming to either party, Sirius," Mary said. "In fact, she's planning on doing homework."

Sarah giggled at something Dan said. Mary found this to be extremely annoying. Couldn't she go crush on him somewhere else?

"HOMEWORK? That is not allowed on Halloween, Evans! What are you thinking?" He stole yet another piece of sugared French toast.

"That I don't want to fail out of Hogwarts," Lily said calmly. When Sirius reached for another piece, she slapped his hand and fork away. "And stop stealing my food!"

"Good luck with that, he even steals out of my private stock in our room," Dan said. Sarah looked appalled.

"And you just let him do it?" she whispered.

Dan shrugged. "It's just food."

Mary fumed. "I cannot believe you're going to miss out on – on – " She let out a yell of frustration.

Lily's eyes widened with shock. "Mary, I didn't know this was that important – "

Just as quickly as she heated up, Mary calmed down. What was coming over her? "No, it's fine, it's fine – I just – this is our last year and we've spent it so far the same way as last year. Fighting, and not having fun."

Lily stared Mary down to the point where Mary felt slightly uncomfortable. Then she said: "Ugh, fine. I'll come to the second party. BUT, I will not go to Slughorn's party."

"Oh no," Dorcas said, finally deigning to look up. "If you're going to anything, you're not abandoning me to deal with those arseholes alone. We're going to be co-sucking up to all the Ministry officials as a couple."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Why do I hang out with you guys again?"

"It's our charm," Marlene said.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Lily and squeezed her. "Not to mention our incredibly good looks."

"Sirius, are you seriously using this hug as an opportunity to steal more of my food?"

"Why yes, yes I am."

"I will be so glad when I can just order people around instead of sucking up to them," Dorcas said to Lily as they made their escape from Slughorn's party. "Imagine: Dorcas Meadowes, Head Auror, never bowing to anyone ever again."

"Except for the Minister for Magic," Lily said, taking a sharp left turn. It was almost ten and they promised they'd be at the party by that hour.

Dorcas huffed, but Lily couldn't tell if it was because of the running or her attitude. "As if the Minister isn't bound to everything the Head Auror does. His approval is practically a formality."

"This doesn't sound like a properly balanced government," Lily said. They were only one staircase away from the proper floor.

"That sounds like the way the Wizarding World works," Dorcas said.

They halted before the suit of armor carefully placed before the corridor leading to the dungeon dungeon and said "bauble" in unison. As the suit of armor moved to let the two enter the party, Lily turned to Dorcas and said, "We will continue this discussion later. For now, we do the minimal amount of casual drinking and then we sneak off to my room and we complete that Potions essay together at the very least. Deal?"

"Deal."

In they went. As they walked into the corridor they could hear the music getting louder, becoming deafening as soon as they entered the large room; Lily was shocked that they hadn't heard it when standing just outside the corridor. "Must be some sound-proofing spell," she told her companion, but when she turned, Dorcas was already gone.

"Where in the hell…"

"Lily! You made it!" Mary screamed, hugging her. A familiar looking Hufflepuff was standing behind her, not particularly note-worthy besides his familiarity and shock of red hair. When she pulled back, she grabbed his hand. "Where's Dorcas?"

Lily tried speaking, but judging by Mary's expression, she couldn't hear her. She leaned closer to her ear. "She's around!" she screamed. "Who's the Hufflepuff?"

"Who? Reg?" she yelled, sounding surprised. "He's just some guy I hook up with sometimes! Speaking of which – "

Mary, followed closely by "Reg" and Lily, led them to one of the several drink tables, covered with all kinds of Wizard and Muggle drinks. Lily was handed one straight away, what looked like a shot of Whiskey, but didn't drink it.

"I'm going to look for Sirius!" Lily yelled. "See you around."

Sirius proved to be easy to find, as he was by the fireplace – a fireplace Lily couldn't remember being in this dungeon previously – surrounded by dozens of cries encouraging him to Drink! Drink! Drink! Lily made her way through the thick crowd only to find that Sirius was sitting on one James Potter's lap; she briefly questioned her decision to be friends with Sirius.

"Heyyyyyyy, Evans!" Sirius cried, slurring the end of the 'hey' so it was far too long for a word with one vowel. "You made it!"

Why is everybody surprised? Lily wondered. She shook her head and said, "Yeah, I'm here. Happy? Going to go upstairs now."

"Oh, c'mooooon!" Sirius said, once again elongating his vowels. "Have a drink with me!"

Lily glanced at James. Even though he still had Sirius on his lap, he seemed to be chatting up a blonde Ravenclaw. She hesitated, but then shook her head.

He got off James and stood, slightly shaking but eventually steadying himself. "One drink, Lily. Aren't I right, guys?" All the kids surrounding them roared in agreement, and suddenly Lily remembered she still had a shot in her hand, so she drank it.

The outcry was so loud it was deafening, but it was full of approval.

Sirius grinned and handed her another drink. "Come on," he said. "Let loose, just this once."

"Where are you going, Marlene?"

As soon as she'd entered the party, Marlene had found her. Dorcas, unable to resist, had let her lead her anywhere she wanted: first it was one of the many tables with drinks, then it was to a group playing truth or dare, but before either of them were asked, Marlene grabbed Dorcas' hand again and, this time, led her outside.

"We're going to get caught," she muttered to herself.

"No, we're not," Marlene said, behind her. "Just, be quiet."

So Dorcas was quiet, quiet and bubbly and ecstatic, until they reached the woods. And then they entered the Forbidden Forest, and excitement was added as well. She had always obeyed the rules – up until now. This was her year – she was out, out, out – out of the closet, out of her dormitory, out in the Forbidden Forest, out with Marlene –

In the moonlight, Marlene was so beautiful, her blonde hair gaining a silvery shade. She looked like she was a star, herself; Dorcas wanted to kiss her so bad it was like a heartache – like her heart physically ached.

"Come on, Dorcas," Marlene said, giggling as though not only drunk with alcohol, but on the cool autumn air and the smell of mist and trees. "The shadows are as pretty as the moonlight if you look hard enough."

And so she stepped inside the cover of the trees, holding Marlene's hand, following blindly. She stopped abruptly and Dorcas ran straight into Marlene; when Marlene turned around, she was so close she could smell nothing but her perfume, focus on nothing but the mischievous glint in her eyes. Behind Marlene was a clearing; open and lit as brightly as a sun-soaked garden. But Dorcas couldn't concentrate on it, instead staring intently at Marlene's lips. She was leaning in closer, closer –

There was a noise. Marlene spooked, pulled Dorcas back into the woods; in the clearing, Dorcas saw what made the noise. It was a Slytherin, and he was pocketing a little glinting object – was that a vial? – into his pocket.

"What the fuck?" Dorcas whispered.

"We gotta get back," Marlene said.

And even though she knew the mood was lost, Dorcas' heart dropped to the ground, straight from Marlene's hands.

It was about three hours after she arrived at the party when she left, staggering to Gryffindor Tower, holding onto Sirius as she went. She let go of Sirius, insistent that she could reach her room by herself; which she did, even though when she finally reached her bathroom she immediately crashed on the floor, vomiting. It was only a few moments later when she heard a noise. "Who-who's there?" she said feebly.

"The fuck – " Steps, then the door opened. The light turned on suddenly, revealing James's face. "Evans, what are you doing in my bathroom?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked, looking around, fuzzily registering the unfamiliar junk – and then she realized. "Shit, this is your bathroom, James. Whoops." She tried to stand, but fell back down, vomiting again; James cursed, disappeared, and came back with a mug and his wand.

"Aguamenti," he said. He handed the now full cup to her, and she took a hesitant sip.

"Thanks." Her voice was hoarse, her throat aching. "I'm not sure what came over me."

James didn't reply for a good long while, and Lily had lost her train of thought by the time he did, but: "Sirius."

"Huh?" Lily said.

"Sirius is what came over you," James said. "He really wanted to get you drunk for – for whatever reason."

"Nah, no way," Lily dismissed, leaning on her back. "He was so nice. He followed me up to the Tower and directed me up here and everything."

"So – he directed you to the wrong room? That is just – I'm going to murder him."

"Could you at least get me another cup of that orange juice on the way back?" Lily asked. "It was – it was so delicious."

"Yeah, sure," James said. "Wait, what? What orange juice? You drank from the orange juice?"

"It was taste-ee," Lily said, giggling. Then she turned right back over and vomited again. James kneeled by her, grabbing her hair so it'll be out of the way; he smelled of roses. Stank of it. Lily hated roses, and it just made her vomit more.

"He's so going to die," James muttered.

Lily took a deep breath and took the glass of water he offered to her. It tasted like her own stomach acid, but she was very thirsty and gulped it all down in just a moment.

"He means well," she said. She leaned back, placing the glass on the floor next to her, enjoying its cool temperature. She closed her eyes, and everything – including James – was quiet…

She woke up to a wet towel touching her face. "James!" she cried, or more accurately, croaked; he laughed, but didn't pull away. He was so close, still stinking of roses.

"Whose perfume is that?" she asked.

She just had to ruin it.

His hand left her forehead, but surprisingly enough, he sat down to her left. She could feel his body warmth radiating towards her, and it was ridiculously comforting and familiar.

"Allison Reynolds, from Ravenclaw," he said. "We kissed, but she was too drunk, and I came up here. Though… I'm not quite sure why you care."

"Pshhh," Lily said, shaking her head. "I don't care. I just hate roses."

Pause. And then, in a small voice:

"Nah, I'm lyin'. I care."

She knew, even without looking, that James was smirking. She could hear it in his voice when he said: "Oh, really?"

"Well, yeah," Lily said. "Up until recently, you were my friend."

"Was I?"

"Fuck you," Lily said, heating up. "Of course you were. You were – you were amazing. And you know, I went and ruined it. I ruin most things though, so you know, I'm a ruiner! I'm used to it."

James raised an eyebrow. "You? A ruiner?"

"Yeah."

"What have you ever ruined?"

"Well, us, for one."

"There was never an us, Evans."

"Oh, you know exactly what I mean, don't be a tease."

"I shall tease you if I like, Evans."

"Fine, Potter."

They both burst out laughing at that, and it reached everywhere – her toes were shaking, her stomach hurt, her cheek-muscles tensed. She didn't care, though, and kept laughing maniacally until she couldn't breathe, and even then it took her far too long to stop.

It was quiet then, again, for a moment, and Lily couldn't stare at the tiles anymore. She looked at James, instead: his eyes were closed, and he was obviously exhausted; his clothes were rumpled, the bottom of his robes stained with a substance that smelled a lot like the stench of alcohol; his hair, as carefully ruffled as it usually is, unruly and unfathomably handsome.

"I'm sorry, you know," Lily whispered. "For what I did."

Without opening his eyes, he grabbed her hand. His hand was burning up in comparison with her icy skin; she smiled when his eyes finally fluttered open and met hers. "I know," he said, his voice even. "I know." And then, sharp: "Can you stand?"

She nodded. "I think so."

"Then come on, I'll get you to your room."

"But - you can't come up to the girls dormitories," Lily said.

James snorted. "Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

James picked her up, and as she drifted to sleep in his arms, it occurred to her that she had never felt anything quite as sturdy and dependable as his grip.

A/N: We're getting close to the end! I can finally say with certainty that the last chapter will be chapter 37, with an additional epilogue. This has been a great journey. The last three and a half years have been insane. But everything must come to an end.

In order to encourage myself to finally finish writing the last two chapters, I'll be posting a chapter every two weeks until we get to D day. See you on the other side.

Love,

JustGail