Where Is My Savior When I Need Saving?

School was out and I was making my way home. Yes, I did attend school… again. That's three days this week and apparently it didn't go unnoticed. Emily the school counselor pulled me out of class again. She was glad I'd found a friend and was also pleased they were a good influence on me, which was mainly due to the fact I was attending school at my own free will. I tried to convince her the only reason I came to school was so the time would pass quicker, but she still insisted there was something more.

I told her little about my angel, she didn't even know her gender. I just told her that I'd found someone… a potential friend. She asked me what we had in common and that got me thinking. All we really had in common was our love for the same types of books and music… Plus our absent fathers, but apart from that I couldn't think of anything else. Why was I so attached to her then? She had some kind of invisible hold over me and this time I couldn't even blame it on her looks… I had no idea what she looked like, well, apart from her blue eyes of course.

I walked into Liz's apartment and immediately spied the empty beer bottle on the kitchen counter. I picked it up and threw it in the trash. My thoughts immediately went to the worse scenario, but also the most logical. Liz must've lost her job at the hotel. Our new way of life lasted exactly less than twenty-four hours. It was to be expected though. The thought of Liz holding down a job is never high on my 'Liz's accomplishments list'.

I went to my room and pulled out the laptop. There was no doubt in my mind that I'd find out the extent of the demise of Liz's new life when she got home… if she got home. I logged in quickly and wasn't pleased at all when I saw that my angel wasn't logged in. I scrolled through the list a dozen or more times, each time believing her name would magically pop up just because I willed it to. I told myself it was still early. Maybe she wasn't home from school yet.

I wished she was online though because I needed to talk to her now more than ever. I needed to vent my feelings about Liz, but most of all I needed to hear her voice, metaphorically of course, although I'm sure she sounds as sweet as an angel. I had no doubt in my mind she'd be the only one to make me feel better… the only one to convince me that we weren't all living in hell and when you die then you go to earth. If this was hell, then I had no fear of dying. My life sucked and anywhere must be better than here.

Three hours passed and I hadn't moved from my bed. I only moved a couple of inches to scroll through the list every now and then. As the hours went by my hope for my angel to log on became less and less. I couldn't help but think the worse… she did spill coffee on herself yesterday. Maybe something bad had happened to her. I couldn't think of anything else… wait.

What if it was because of me?

Maybe I misread her… maybe all this talk about seeing one another was just a joke to her… no, it couldn't be… I wouldn't have imagined all those subtle hints… but what if I did… maybe I said something wrong.

I thought back.

We did have a fight about our worthiness to one another. Maybe she finally took my hints and realized I wasn't good enough for her. That I'd never fit into her perfect life. Never fit in with her private school friends. She was ashamed of me… what else could it be?

I heard a loud crash in the living room and figured Liz was home. I turned the computer off. Sick of waiting, plus the feeling of rejection was worse when I had the chat room screen glowing back at me. I stashed the laptop safely and took a deep breath, preparing myself for Liz's onslaught. I made my way cautiously into the living room. I wasn't waiting for her to seek me out. Plus, being in the living room always gave me the opportunity to retreat to my room if things got out of hand.

"Jess," Liz slurred from the couch. "I lost my job."

"Really?" I asked her sarcastically.

"Yeah," Liz said. "How was I supposed to know that you weren't allowed to taste the food before it went out… I needed to know that it tasted alright."

"You got fired for that?" I asked her confused. I was expecting worse… this was trivial, to say the least.

"Plus, something about drinking too much cooking alcohol or something," Liz answered.

Well, there you go, the truth comes out.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked.

"Two," Liz said. "Maybe more."

"Come on," I told her. "Time for bed." I tried to coax her up.

"Get your hands off me," Liz yelled, swinging wildly at me. Her fist made contact and she managed to split open the skin above my eye. I grunted in pain, but never let her go.

"Ssshhh," I whispered in her ear. "It's alright, I've got you."

"Jess?" Liz asked confused.

"Yeah." I led her the short distance to her room.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled as I lay her down on the bed.

"Its fine," I answered back indifferently. It didn't matter, she wouldn't remember this interaction in the morning. "Just go to sleep."

I hummed Liz her favorite lullaby and she soon fell asleep. I exited the room silently, not wanting to wake her. I headed straight for the bathroom and cleaned up my cut, it wasn't too bad, but I was going to have a bruise to go along with the cut in the morning.

Many would wonder why I bothered with Liz. Why I looked after her when she was drunk. The answer was simple in my mind… she was family and you do what you can to help family. Although tomorrow would be no different, Liz would have a hangover and not remember any of my acts of kindness from tonight, but it didn't matter. I knew I did everything I could to help her and that's all that counts.

I headed for bed. I was just ready for today to be over and done with. Liz was her usual horrible self and I didn't get to talk to my angel at all today. She was supposed to be my savior, but when I needed saving the most she wasn't there.

I started praying that she'd been hurt, nothing serious, but something that kept her away from the computer. I didn't want her to be in pain, but the feeling of rejection… knowing that she didn't want to talk to me anymore, it hurt. I'd never really had this feeling before. The only other person I'd let myself get attached to was Liz, but I learned at a young age that Liz wasn't worth getting attached to, she only let me down. But I thought my angel was different… She had to be different. There's a simple explanation for this, I'm sure, just something trivial, and my angel would tell me all about it tomorrow and we would laugh over it… I hoped.