AN: I bet you thought I had abandoned this :) Nope. I do find this part awkward to write, but I'm going to push through it and keep going because I still have an arc in mind. I'm dealing with a breakup now and there's therapy in writing, right? Right.
Same old caveats: I own nothing, I'm not even that creative, blah blah blah. Please don't sue me.
After that first night, there was a definite shift in the relationship between the two spies, more distance. Laura noted it, but didn't comment on it. The children were unaware of the closeness between their father and his co-worker to begin with, so they noted no change.
Laura began to worry about both of them. Natasha didn't seem to be sleeping well and slipped away frequently. She also had pulled away from both her and the children during the day. Laura knew the spy was working on a project, but something seemed off.
One evening she heard soft moans coming from the room where her husband slept. She squeezed her eyes shut and told herself that she didn't care if they were sleeping together, and hearing them didn't bother her.
The moans got louder and now that she was listening, they sounded like he was in pain, and not the good kind. She debated whether to knock and see if something was wrong, in the end talking herself out of it. That was until she heard Clint cry out: "No! Help!"
She rushed to the door and opened it without knocking or thinking, finding Clint crying out in his sleep with sweat coating his body. Even more surprising, he was alone. She moved to his side, calling his name to wake him from the nightmare. She laid a hand on his shoulder to wake him.
Clint's eyes suddenly were wide open with fear and his hand moved more quickly than she could imagine to grab the hand that touched him by the wrist, his grip like iron and uncomfortably tight. "Clint, it's me. Please!" Fear entered her voice as his hand tightened around her wrist painfully; for a moment she was afraid he was going to break it.
And then it was over. Clint's hand released like she was on fire, and his expression turned to immediate apology.
She withdrew her hand protectively and stood back up to get some distance from him. "Are you alright? You were yelling for help." She debated on the next question for a millisecond, but decided to continue with it. "Where's Natasha?" Laura would have expected his partner to be here for him for something like this. It definitely seemed like a 'work issue', not a 'home issue'. He had never had nightmares like this before, that she knew at least.
Clint's eyes darted around in a panic, before seeming to readjust to the reality he was in. "I'm fine. I'm so sorry, did I hurt you at all?" His wife shook her head, and waited for him to answer the last question. "She's - "
"She's right here," Natasha said dryly. Clint realized from the look on her face that she had been monitoring him and had likely come in to protect Laura. He was grateful beyond measure.
Laura turned around, surprised. "When did you come in? I didn't hear you."
"It's a gift." Natasha smirked a little, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Clint has threatened to tie a bell on me."
Some of the tension left Laura's posture with the easy humor of Natasha. "He can be pretty quiet himself."
A soft laugh. "You have no idea. I never thought someone would ever be able to sneak up on me, but he does." Now Natasha's eyes slid over to Clint, concern and frustration warring with each other.
"So, what have you been up to, Auntie Nat?" Clint tried to deflect to safer topics.
Natasha gave an apologetic look to Laura. "Would you excuse us for just five minutes, I need to speak with him about something work-related." Laura nodded despite being curious, and left.
"Thank you." Clint finally could thank her for being willing to protect Laura. He felt terribly guilty, he had managed to keep nightmares at bay usually when he was home and worked hard to suppress his PTSD reactions.
She nodded in acknowledgement. "What if it happened and I wasn't here?"
Clint's jaw tightened defensively. "It's never happened before. I was coming out of it before I hurt her." Natasha didn't speak, just gave him the dead-eyed look that she did so well. "Really, usually when I'm here, I'm 'Home Clint', and I don't have to deal with it."
"That's just you playing a character, just like we're ok when undercover or on a mission." She moved to sit at the foot of the bed and gave him a long look. "I've been talking to Fury. Laura is to be read in."
"What?" Clint was baffled at the turn in conversation.
"It is long overdue, and you know it. You can't go on like this, it's not safe for either of you." Natasha knew he was afraid of Laura's reaction to what needed to be said. But she also knew that things needed to change and Laura wouldn't have a fair shot if she didn't know what she was dealing with.
"Fury authorized it?" Clint sighed in resignation. He had been a coward to not do it before. He liked that Laura didn't know that his career choice involved murder and lies.
"She'll understand. I think she guesses more than you think." Natasha had mixed feelings for her own reasons. There was a good chance that once Laura knew the truth, she and Clint might be able to work things out, and though she would never say it aloud, she died a little at that thought.
"You're right." Clint took a deep breath. This was it. There was no going back from this. But it also occurred to him that it could make things easier in the long run. Maybe she would want out and it wouldn't be on him to destroy the family he had so carelessly made.
"Of course I am. We both know deep down you are going to still try age work things out with her. It's just who you are." She paused with a sigh; that truth was hard on her. "I do have some good news." A ghost of her smile came to her lips. "Talked to medical. You're off bedrest."
A grin on his that reflected his excitement. "Really? How?"
"We lied about the length of time. I was afraid you wouldn't give it the full time it needed to stabilize and so I tacked on a couple days, just in case." She ducked as he threw a pillow at her and started to get up, before she motioned him to stay. "You still need to take it easy and I have one more dose of antibiotics for you. Talk to Laura, get it sorted, then we have a mission to finish." The dark smile that appeared was genuine, but it frightened even Clint; going after anything related to the Red Room brought out her demons.
He nodded uneasily as she put on a neutral face and left the room to get Laura.
Later, Laura entered the room where Clint was staying, closing the door behind her. "Did you guys have a fight?" Her expression was concerned.
"No." Clint shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Laura. I have royally fucked things up. I leave you here, trapped and isolated - "
She held up a hand to cut him off. "Stop it, Clint. If I didn't want this or want to continue with this, I would leave. You told me about Natasha. I actually feel better having met her, now. She's good for you."
"She says the same thing about you." Clint took her hand. "But I'm still sorry."
Laura tried to read between his words to figure out where he was going with his speech. "I forgive you, Clint."
"Don't say that yet. I received clearance to tell you more about me and what I do." His face was dark, knowing his past wasn't pretty.
"Alright," she said hesitantly, nervous about what he could be afraid to tell her.
"Well, you know about my dad and Barney…" he began, finally telling his wife about who he really was and what he had been doing, basically the entire time they had been together. When he finished his lengthy story, she gaped at him.
"Um. That's. …" Laura searched for words to describe how she felt, finding out her husband was a former contract killer-turned assassin and spy. "So, we moved out here because…"
"… I wanted to make sure that in my current work, no one would ever be able to find out about you. For your protection, and the kids." He hated what she might think of him now that she knew the truth.
"Why did you tell me all this?"
There were a bunch of reasons that came to his lips, but he realized they were all lies. "Because Natasha said I should. I can't continue this being somewhere where I have to lie constantly. I need to treat you like an equal.
"We've come so far, we have kids. And I haven't ever given you the chance to really know me." Clint wasn't sure how she was going to react to this confession of his. It was a long history of half-truths and concealment he had just revealed. "And I care about you, Laura."
Laura still seemed to be a mixture of stunned and puzzled. "I care about you too. But…I've never actually really known you, have I?" Standing back up, her face still a mask of consternation, she shook her head. "I'm going to need some time to think about this. Ok?"
He cleared his throat before trying to speak. "Yeah, ok." He paused, wincing internally at what he was going to stay next. "Natasha and I have a job that we need to leave for soon."
He could see on her face that she was just as upset at that proclamation as she was about his confession. It made all his words ring hollow. "I have to finish this, this actually threatens you and the kids." He tried to make her see that he wasn't just running off at the first opportunity, and he had to do it for her and the kids.
"Go. I believe you. And it will probably be better for me if I have some time alone." Laura moved back toward the door. "We'll talk more when you get back." She turned and left, closing the door behind her.
"How did it go?" They had avoided each other since their conversation, Nat only came in to give him his antibiotics, until it was time to leave. Once they were settled into the quinjet and on their way to track down the agent that was responsible for their previous failed mission, Natasha began her interrogation.
"About as well as could be expected." He took a deep breath and shook his head. "It's good I think we're going, she needs some time to think about what I told her."
"It's a good sign though that she didn't completely freak out immediately." Natasha offered him a half smile.
Clint rolled his eyes. "Great, yeah, that makes me feel better."
Natasha's hand found his wrist and squeezed it lightly. "You're doing the right thing." No matter the pain it caused her, she would try and make a happy ending for the man that saved her. And if this was the right thing for him, she would do it.
Clint nodded. It definitely seemed like the right thing. Anyone who looked at the situation would agree. He had his own doubts, but they were shameful to him and he wouldn't voice them to himself, much less anyone else. He would be the man his father never was, and the husband that he should be; he would do the 'right' thing.