Good night/morning everyone!
I decided to post this chapter because I'm leaving for Maine tomorrow and I won't be able to update in a few days.
So I thought I would give you a little something before I leave!
I think you guys will enjoy it :)
Thank you for the all the feedback once again! You're the best.
Enjoy ! And don't forget to review and tell me what you think xx

wildest dreams
VOLUME I

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

A few days before Christmas Eve, I simply couldn't sleep. I had had trouble falling asleep ever since my fight with George – but for some reason, that night was worse than the others. After shifting in my bed for hours, I decided to go and take a walk around the castle – maybe it would clear my head a little. I went down to the Common Room, which was plunged into darkness. Even the fireplace was dark. I wrapped my robe tighter against me, feeling the chill of the night time, and started walking to the portrait.

"Hey" suddenly said a voice.

I sharply turned around, letting out a small scream – but it was only George. I hadn't noticed him sitting down next to the window. My heart was pounding in my chest from the fright.

"Sorry. Didn't want to scare you."

"It's okay – I just thought there was no one here" I answered.

We awkwardly looked at each other. It was the first time we talked since the fight. It felt a little weird.

"Can't sleep ?" he asked.

I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, me neither."

I noticed he was wearing his pyjamas, like me. That made me think of all the sleepovers we'd had in the past – staying up until dusk, eating Chocolate Frogs until we got sick. I almost smiled at the thought.

"Where are you going ?" he asked.

"I was just going on a walk. To clear my head."

There was a short silence. I thought about what Hermione had said.

"Do you wanna come ?"

"Do you mind me coming ?"

We had spoken at the same time – I couldn't help but let out a laugh. He smiled too. It felt good to see him smile.

"Sure" I said.

He nodded, and we quietly passed the portrait. The Fat Lady eyed us suspiciously – but she was used to us going out after curfew. After some time, she stopped trying to tell on us – especially after the twins convinced her that they were huge fans of her singing.

The castle was dark and quiet – as I most liked it. We walked in silence, his hands in his pockets, my arms crossed on my chest. We walked all the way up to the Astronomy Tower like this, not saying a word. It gave me time to find the right words – it was more than time for me to explain myself. Hermione was right. George deserved that I at least told him the truth, whatever the consequences. I would face them.

It was too cold to actually got all the way to the top, so we stayed inside, sitting down on one of the benches, facing the window. I could barely see the sky through it – only the darkness.

"There are some things I want to say" I said quietly. "Can you promise not to interrupt me until I'm done ?"

He nodded, his face dimly lit by the moonlight.

"Okay" I said, taking a deep breath. "First of all, I'm sorry. I have been the worst friend recently. I've done and I've said a lot of things I regret. But I don't want to make excuses. I want to explain – because I feel like you deserve an explanation."

I didn't even look at him – I just stared at the darkness, finding a comfort in it.

"I haven't been feeling like myself recently. I started feeling things I never thought I would feel, and everything I thought I knew about myself and my life just became so… blurry. So when Nik started to get interested in me, I thought it could be a good thing – maybe all I had to do was try something new, meet new people, and maybe that way I could finally understand myself. So I said yes when he invited me to Hogsmeade. But you know, that whole time I was with him, I could just feel something missing. And I told myself that it was because of me, of my attitude, so I kept going. And then – he kissed me, just like that, and then I knew that it wasn't right. I ran away, as fast as I could. I felt like a complete idiot for thinking pushing away all my problems would make them disappear. It only made them worse, you know.

So I tried acting like everything was normal, like everything was right, and I got so good at pretending I even started to believe it. And so many good things happened then, and I felt genuinely happy again – I felt invincible. So I went to see Nik, that day in the courtyard. I just wanted to apologize for the way I had acted – it wasn't his fault, after all. So I did, but he misunderstood what I meant and invited me to the ball. And, you know, for a moment I felt myself falling back down again, and saying yes, and then I could see everything. I saw myself with him at the ball, in my favorite dress, so in denial and so unhappy. And I saw him running off with another girl at the end of the night, and me alone again. I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all. So I said no. I thought, better be alone than be with someone who doesn't care about me.

I think that the whole reason why I didn't tell you about any of this is that I was embarrassed – I was so ashamed of myself, I felt so pathetic. I never wanted to block you out. And I'm so sorry I made you feel like this. Because, ironically, throughout all of this rubbish, there was always only one thing I was sure of – that our friendship is so precious to me, and I value it more than anything else, and you are the most important thing to me and I wanted to protect that. I did it all wrong, of course. But I just want you to know I never wanted to hurt you in any way, and I'm horribly sorry if I did. I am."

The room was quiet again. I was breathless. I couldn't believe I had just said all that – but it had felt so good. I hadn't told any of this to anyone before – but it felt right to say them to George. I had laid everything on the table. Now the only thing I had left to do was to wait.

It took a few minutes before he spoke. But I was patient. I felt him grab my hand, wrapping his around it. I met his gaze.

"Has anyone ever told you you talk too much ?"

He was smiling – I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile too hard.

"I'm sorry too. I acted like a real prat. I was being a real Percy."

I laughed, shaking my head.

"But thank you for being so honest with me. It means a lot to me. But Addy… you know you don't have to embarrassed to tell me things, not ever. Whatever it is you may have done, or said, or thought – I can assure you I've done way worse. And I'll never laugh at you – maybe tease you a little bit, but deep down, I'm really just there for you. I'll always be there for you. I care about you a lot, I really do. And I'm not good with words, and I probably just said that all wrong, but it's all true. You're my Addy. Never forget that."

He hadn't even finished his last sentence that I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry" I said again – it would never feel like enough.

"I'm sorry too" he whispered in my ear, his fingers in my hair.

My eyes burned from the tears, but I didn't care, not for one second. I had my best friend back. I had George back. Nothing had ever felt so right.