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Chapter 25
"Gellert?", Albus asked. Silence. He looked around, no one in front of his house, no one in his garden. Only a letter on his window, a letter he read last night. But Gellert Grindelwald was nowhere to be seen, even though he promised to meet him the next day. It was early in the morning, and nobody else in this house was awake. Aberforth slept as long as Ariana and made her breakfast when she woke. Aberforth was at her side, day and night, no matter how hard her life was, he was there for her. And so he had the morning for himself. Albus listened again, to make sure that he wouldn't wake Ariana or his brother, and then he slowly walked down the stairs to the living room of the Dumbledores, with caution he took his jacket, which was almost magical, no thunderstorm could destroy it, and went outside, in the sunshine. A few times, he shouted Gellerts name. But of course, if he was sleeping, he wouldn't hear him. So he carefully knocked at the door of the Bagshots. Nobody heard him. Bathilda Bagshot had the deepest sleep in the whole galaxy, and so he rang the door bell. Still, everything was quiet. Gellert couldn't sleep. At least not much, and he was able to wake up if just a little noise interrupted his dreams. They both were more of night beings, more productive in the night than in the day. It would be a surprise that Gellert was sleeping right now, but atleast Albus did not have to worry anymore. But the silence scared him. It was only a week after Gellert had introduced himself, more three weeks until Albus birthday. Was Gellert just a bit tired because of their discussions? Never. Explanations couldn't make him feel better. He didn't know why he was so overprotective, his brain told him that his friend was just finally getting sleep. Ha, his heart said. As if you were just friends. Albus didn't know why he had these inner monologues, but they didn't help him in any way. He did not know how long he was standing there, until he reacted like every Gryffindor who had a brain and a wand: he opened the window to Gellerts room and climbed in. His room wasn't quite different from Als: a lot of books, a desk, but somehow he could see that it was Gellerts room. Not just because it was totally messy, Gellert hated all rules and every sense of order, but because the books were laying on the floor, every one of them had a book mark in them, next to the books were pencils. He had the strange habit to mark sentences he liked best. Albus thought it would be vandalism to move any of the books — chaos was holy to Gellert — so he carefully jumped over them. You've got a wand, you have magic inside you, and everything you do is jump over things, his brain was disappointed. "Gellert!", he shouted. "Albus?", the shadow of a whisper came from under the huge bed. He looked under it, and really it was the same unique white blonde hair, the silver eye. "What are you doing under your own bed? It is because you can't sleep?", he asked. "No, Al, it's not. It's nothing", he said calmly. "Then why don't you come out of there?", Albus asked, worried. "It's complicated. Just come back in an hour", Gellert stated. Suddenly, it made click in Albus brain. Gellert wasn't just whispering that quiet because he wanted to, not because he normally did so. It was because his voice was low, tears had stolen it to him. That he had cried wasn't as terrifying as the realization that Gellert didn't try to persuade him to something, that he wasn't using the charming words he normally did. He was at the edge, too weak to follow any of his normal habits. Albus wasn't ready to go, he wouldn't leave him here, crying. He was one of the only people that really cared about Gellert Grindelwald, he couldn't let him drown in his own tears here. Gellert needed him more than ever. Determined to not do anything what Gellert was saying, he crawled under the bed, next to the person that mattered to him most. "I'm not going to leave until you tell me what happened", he said. Instead of an answer, Gellert turned away, which wasn't easy because there was just enough space for the two boys. "You don't want to know. And I don't want you to see me like this. I should be strong, Albus. I should control it before it controls me. But it can't. I am not able to, I am not strong enough", he tried to repress his sobbing, his face in the direction of the wall, the back in Albus direction. Gellert waited a second, as if he wanted Albus to run away, because he was crying. "You're the strongest person I know", Albus murmured, as he put his hand on Gellerts back, in hope that he could calm him down. "You don't know me", Gellerts voice almost broke. "I know you better than anyone" "But you don't know it. You don't know why I am laying under my bed and crying. I am scared, Al. Scared of losing control, even though I've already lost it", he whispered, and slowly turned around, his mouth at Albus ear, because he couldn't speak any louder. "Then tell me", Albus said. This reminded him of how Aberforth treated Ariana, when she was about to break. Aberforth did not love anyone more than he loved his little sister. And he was the only one there for her, the only one able to help her. Albus had never understood how Aberforth could make her calm down so fast, how a little touch helped her more than any of his words. Now he understood. "My parents... They died. Not because of magic. They died because of... Where I live, there are a lot of non magic people. Some of them really poor, and I always pitied them. But one day... My parents came back from work and behaved different than usual. They hid something from me. I did not have a hard childhood or something, you can't blame my parents for my life. But one day... It was a year ago. They... The muggle in our village somehow found out that we had magical abilities. You know the secrecy laws, they were scared of my parents. And...", his tears fell on Albus skin and made the younger boy unable to talk. So he finished his sentence. "When muggles are scared, they attack.", he whispered. Albus had no idea why he was hugging Gellert, he couldn't decide at which point he turned around, but he was not going to let him go. They were a strange pair, hugging each other, under his bed. Two lonely boys, both now orphans. "I won't let it control you", Albus said, and he could have sworn that the shadow of a smile showed up on Gellerts face.
There were too many reasons why Gellert Grindelwald was able to cast a patronus. But he thought that none of them was Kralls business. "How can you have a patronus?", he had asked. Stupid spy. "It is a magical mystery that no one except me knows, and I am happy that you won't be in the circle of knowing people, Krall. Sometimes you are just too curious for your business. If you want to, you can ask your master. I don't think he will answer you anything, because Mr. Dumbledore is more of a closed person really. There are only a fiew people on this world that can say that they know him, and most of them are lying. Whatever, I'm glad you survived, Krall. Yes, you are useful, but you are not worth enough to know my deepest thoughts and fears. And I hope that you don't tell it around that I've got a patronus. Doesn't give you good publicity, you know. I mean, I can prove that I am not a dark wizard, but on the other hand... Fear makes you more followers than Grace", Grindelwald whispered. The look on Krallls face made him almost laugh. "Do you really believe I wouldn't remember that my friends killed your family? I know how Dumbledore chooses his spies, don't try to lie to me. You have sworn to him to serve for good your whole lifetime, right? And then you try to act as if you would really believe in the greater good. It was a bit of a surprise to me that you would go this far and kill Vinda. But Dumbledore probably reassured you that it is a deed for good. Oh, yes, he was always especially good at telling people that their goals are for a greater target, eventhough they aren't. I understood that killing humans is something that changes your life — but not in a good sense. No one should demand blind faith, am I right? You don't know what Albus Dumbledores motives are, and his targets. He doesn't care about humans, he just cares about the bigger picture — about the worlds fate. We really are the same, Krall. No matter on which side you are, you will think that you are good. We all fight for peace, for a better world. Albus Dumbledore has as many dead bodies in his garden as I have. And even if he has not now, he will have. What do you think? Does telling others to kill make your own fault lesser or bigger? Believe me, no one wants a war. No one in history ever said that. I am not a psychopath, I don't kill because it makes me feel better. With every death we get nearer to the greater good. And you will probably be about to ask me why I am doing this. So I talk and talk and you can escape, like in every good book about a hero and a villain. But in this world, in this reality, all heroes and villains are dead by now, killed by the realization that we are all just desperate, desperate people fighting for our own future. Albus Dumbledore is as bad as I am. So you better rethink your decision", he whispered. Lies, lies, lies. Albus Dumbledore was a better person that he would ever be. But some sacrifices had to be made, for the greater good. Grindelwalds brain slowly realized that he couldn't. He would sacrifice his own life for the greater good, for a world where his parents were not killed and Ariana survived. But the most important part of this world was Albus. He couldn't tell lies about him, something in his inside wanted him to tell the truth. What had happened that he had become so easy to see through?
"What is a patronus?", he asked Albus. "A patronus is an animal made out of magic that protects you from dementors. To make one, you have to cast the spell Expecto patronum and focus on your happiest memory. It is one of the most difficult spells to learn but once you can cast your patronus, you will never regret it", Albus explained. "I'm ready", Gellert decided, closed his eyes and said: "Expecto Patronum!" Silver dust flooded the room, but it did not take the form of an animal. As Gellert opened his eyes again, he was more than disappointed. "Try to change the memory. Maybe you are just focused on the wrong thing", Albus commented. "Expecto Patronum", the same thing happened, but no animal came out of his wand. Gellert looked up to Albus him, (they were both sitting on the carpet), insecure, before he began to speak again, Oh, he would regret this. He would regret this, and probably die of embarrassment in the next few seconds. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. He would have to try at least. "I'm so sorry", he whispered and tried to laugh over his words as if he was not currently dying inside, "But... Could you...", he went quiet as fast as he could. He had to have a plan. He had to control the feeling, so they couldn't control him. Use your words, you were born to be great, you are not going to stutter. Take a deep breath and tell him some stupid excuse. "I have a theory and it's a bit weird and awkward and you can say no at any time. So, my theory is... Okay, in Durmstrang I learned that some things can strengthen your magic, for example, if someone harms your friends, the anger inside you can make you able to cast an unforgivable curse. It is called emotional activation of magic. Basically, it works with every spell. You need something that activates the magic inside you so it works like you want it to. It could help to climb on a table so your flying charms are stronger, these kinds of things. I have never ever heard of anyone who used this technique with the patronus charm, but I think it is worth a try. Obviously, you don't have to... That is the most complicated part. Apparently my memories aren't happy enough, my memories from Durmstrang explicitly. And... The next words will sound incredibly dumb. You know if they don't work... You are the only person that really understands me, Albus. You make me happy and this is why I... Take my hand and believe me, it will work", Gellert Grindelwald closed his eyes, ready to die because Albus didn't understand him and because he would obviously laugh about his theory and... A moment later he felt someone touching his hand. Albus took it, and whispered in his ear. "Concentrate. Take your wand and focus. Focus on what makes you happy and then say the words" Albus held his hand, and a warm feeling spread through his whole body. The words came over his lips, it was easier than he had thought. They weren't just Albus and Gellert anymore, they were one and suddenly Gellert realized, what he needed, what his memory was. This should not have happened, but he had already thought it at the day when Albus had comforted him, as he was crying under his bed. Tomorrow was Albus birthday. And Gellert slowly realized that he was in love with Albus Dumbledore. "Expecto Patronum!", he shouted. Love was no flame, like the books said, love was not something made to destroy, which was what he had always thought. He had never believed in true love. For him, it had been just something people used to get the money from others, so they could feel better. It was something alien, something hypnotizing. There simply was just no one else he wanted more to have in his life. He wanted this, he wanted their discussion, he wanted Albus to be there when he couldn't sleep, he wanted to help him to have peace with his brother, he wanted to see Albus every morning when he woke up. There was nothing he had ever wanted more than this. It was a strange feeling, but he should better accept it. As if he had a choice. Gellert was torn out of his daydreams by Albus voice. "You did it!", he screamed. Finally, he opened his eyes. In front of him, a silver phoenix. The same phoenix as Albus patronus.