Disclaimer: Anything familiar belongs to JE. Thank you for letting us play.
Warning: Adult language, adult situations, tissues needed
Stephanie's POV-Four Months Later
It's been four long, cruel months since Carlos left on his final mission. With each day that passes, my hope in his return is dwindling. I try to stay positive, focused, for his sake and honor, but it's hard. The Monday after he left, I arrived at Rangeman at 0800. I met with Tank, explaining that I wanted to work here, amongst my brothers. I wanted to be safe but still allowed to get the adrenaline high from going after skips. He told me I needed training. He told me I had to use and wear my gun. I didn't like the conditions, but I agreed to them because I knew it's what Carlos would want me to do.
I am more fit than I have ever been, and I am comfortable with my gun. I will never love guns, but I have more respect for them. I partner mostly with Manny, Lester, or Vince. We have a good time together while always getting the job done. My parents do not approve. I stopped talking to them. It is time I do what makes me happy, not the Burg. Joe was livid. He still thought, for some reason, that we would get back together. He arrived at my apartment about two weeks after Carlos left with flowers and chocolates, hoping we would reconcile and I would reacquaint myself with his boys. He left angry and limped away from my knee to his boys when he tried to look down my shirt, even after I told him that we would never be together again. I only spoke to him once since then.
I moved into an apartment on four when Woody moved out to live with his girlfriend a month after I started working here, again, for my safety and sanity. I am off the clock now, and I head to my apartment to change before going to get meatball subs with Lester. I find Ella in my apartment.
"Hello, Stephanie dear. How are you?"
"I'm good. Somedays are harder than others. I'm surprised to see you here at this time."
"I was hoping to talk to you, so I saved your room last."
"Why? What's wrong, Ella?" I ask, concerned for the woman I consider my mother.
"Nothing dear, except, do you no longer use the brand of tampons I purchased for you? I haven't had to replenish them since you moved in here. I want to make sure I'm buying you the right ones." She replied.
I pause, then immediately sit down on my couch. Holy shit! I can't be, can I? Did Carlos and I conceive a baby that morning? My hands immediately go to my abdomen, and I admit that my pants are a little snug, even though I've been working out and eating healthy. Fuck!
"Ella, do you have a pregnancy test? I think I'm pregnant." I say, my voice wavering.
Ella sits beside me, shock evident on her face. "Is the baby Carlos'?" She asks, clearly confused.
"Yes. We made love before he left, one last time. He wanted to use a condom, but I told him not to use it. I had hoped that maybe we would make a baby, but I didn't think we would. I didn't even realize I haven't had my period since then. Not having a love life means not caring if I'm menstruating or not."
"I don't have any in the building, but I will go get one now. I can check Bobby's office. He sometimes gets them sent here by different drug companies."
"Please, Ella, now that I think that I am I can't wait to find out," I reply, tears filling my eyes.
"I'll be back within a half an hour. It'll be okay, Stephanie. I will help you with whatever you need."
"I know, Ella, I know," I tell her.
She leaves my apartment, and I sit and stare at my favorite picture of Carlos and I. Someone took it at the barbeque we had on the roof a while back. His arms are around my waist, with my face turned towards his. You can see our love for each other on our faces, clear as day for all to see. I feel the need to talk to Carlos.
"Where are you, my love? It seems that we did make a baby that morning. I'm scared, Carlos. I'm scared I won't be a good mom. I'm scared I'll screw this kid up. Most of all, I'm scared that this child will never know their father, the wonderful, caring, loving man that you are. I'm afraid your family will be angry at me for getting knocked up, thinking that I'm another Rachel. Most of all, I'm afraid that something will happen to this baby, and I'll lose you both. Oh Carlos, please come home to me, please. I need you, my love." I say aloud, trying to feel a connection to my lifeline.
Ella returned eighteen minutes later with a test in hand. "Bobby had one in his office. I snuck it out without him knowing. You have to pee on the stick then wait three minutes."
"I'll go pee now. Ella, will you wait with me?"
"Of course, my dear."
I go into my bathroom and wash my hands. I take a steadying breath then drop my pants and panties so I can pee on this stick. When I finish, I place the test on a paper towel on the counter, setting my watch timer for three minutes. I wash my hands once more and join Ella on the couch to wait. We sit in silence, each lost in our thoughts. When the buzzer goes off, I freeze.
"Ella, I can't look. Can you, please, let me know?"
"Of course, I'll be right back."
Ella goes into the bathroom, emerging thirty seconds later. "Congratulations, you're pregnant."
Tears start streaming from my face, a mixture of tears of joy and sadness. I'm joyful because I'm having Carlos' baby, and I'm sad because he's not sitting with me right now, sharing this moment. I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to tell him he's going to be a father again. He may die never knowing about the child we will have together. "Ella, what do I do now?"
"We make you an appointment with a doctor to confirm; then we keep you and that baby healthy. You need to tell the Core Team. They will try to keep you in a bubble, to keep you both safe."
"Okay. I got this, I think."
At that moment, Lester knocks on the door. "Beautiful, I'm coming in, you better be decent." I hear the lock click and the door open. Lester closes the door, walking into the living room where Ella and I are sitting.
"What's wrong, Beautiful? Why are you crying?" Lester asks, voice full of concern and fear.
"I'm pregnant, with Carlos' child. I found out five minutes ago."
Whatever he thought I was going to tell him wasn't the news he received. He stood before me, starring from my face to my abdomen. He finally shook his head. "We're going to have a mini-Ranger? Or a mini-Stephanie? Woo-hoo! That's great, Stephanie, congratulations." He says, pulling me into a bear hug.
"Thanks, Lester. Can you please keep this information between us for a few days. I'm not yet ready to tell everyone."
"No problem, Beautiful. Are you still up for Pino's?"
"Yes! I need ten minutes to get ready."
"You do that, and I'll wait for you."
I get up and head to my bedroom. As I get changed, a pause in front of the mirror to look at my body. I see the little bump forming and decide to get my phone. I take a selfie of my changing body, hoping that I can one day share these images with my beloved, my Carlos.