Three
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Ziva asked as she looked down at her watch. She had already been there two hours, it was three o'clock in the morning.
Tony nodded. "I don't wanna be alone." He said quietly as he looked away from her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.
"What is there to talk about?"
"Anything Tony, just do not shut me out. Please. It will not do you any good." Ziva said softly.
"It's what you do." Tony told her.
Ziva sighed. She knew she couldn't deny that. "You're right. I do shut people out because that is how I was raised. It's what my father taught me from the time I began training for Mossad. It was what all of my instructors and superiors told me. Do not show fear, do not show emotions, they make you weak. But you are not like me Tony. You talk, and you joke, you need to communicate in some way." Ziva said.
Tony looked shocked. "I don't know what to say." He said simply.
"You can say anything Tony. You can tell me anything." Ziva said softly.
"I'm scared." Tony said.
"Of what?"
"What people at work will think." Tony told her.
"They're going to think that something terrible happened to you, and that you are going to be okay." Ziva said softly.
"I don't know if I will be." He said.
Ziva rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb gently. "You are going to be okay. It might take a long time, but you will be okay."
"Are you okay?" Tony asked.
Ziva sighed. "Most days. There are some days when I just want to crawl into a hole and cry." She told him honestly.
Tony nodded. "I just don't understand why I couldn't get them off of me. I'm a trained federal agent, I aced defensive tactics at FLETC, but I couldn't get them off me."
"How did they take you down?" Ziva asked.
"I'm not sure. I think one of them grabbed my shoulder and the other kicked the back of my knees." He said.
"You didn't see them coming, there were two of them, and they restrained you. It is perfectly understandable that you couldn't get them off of you." Ziva said as she ran her hand up and down Tony's arm to comfort him.
Tony shrugged his shoulders silently. "Yeah, I guess."
"Why don't you try and get some rest?" Ziva asked.
Tony shook his head. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them, and I feel them, and I want to take a shower and just scrub until I can't feel them anymore." He said.
Ziva nodded. "I know that Tony, but it is not going to get any better if you are more sleep deprived than you already are." She said.
Tony nodded.
"And I will be right here. I am not going anywhere, okay?" Ziva asked.
Tony nodded again.
Ziva stood up and pulled the blanket up over his chest. "I will be right here if you need anything. Do you want the lights off?" She asked.
"Yes please."
Ziva walked over to the light switch and flipped it to the off position, then walked back over to the chair and sat down again. Tony's hand reached for hers again and she started to rub the back of his hand with her thumb. "Get some sleep." She said softly.
XXXXX
Ziva had just drifted off to sleep when Tony jerked awake, hands flying, and yelling. Ziva jumped up and grabbed his hands out of the air before he ended up hurting himself, or her.
"Tony, TONY!" She yelled.
Tony stopped moving.
"It's just me. Is it okay if I turn on the lamp?" Ziva asked.
She saw him nod and she reached for the lamp beside the bed. The light flicked on and she turned to see tears running down Tony's cheeks.
"Nightmare?" She asked.
Tony nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He said, trying to muffle a sob.
Ziva sat down on the bed beside him. "You didn't wake me." She lied easily. "And you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to talk about the dream?" She asked.
Tony nodded. "Kind of."
"Alright." Ziva said.
"Can you maybe turn the light off first though?" He asked.
Ziva nodded and reached over to turn off the lamp.
"Better?" She asked.
Tony nodded.
"Do you want to tell me what happened in the dream?" Ziva asked.
"It was, I just, relived it, I guess… It felt so real, it hurt so bad Ziva." He said as his hand came up to wipe his tears.
Ziva nodded. "I am so sorry this happened to you Tony." She said softly.
"Can you do something for me?" Tony asked.
Ziva nodded. "Of course."
He turned to face her, and in a small, almost childlike voice, he asked, "will you hold me?"
Ziva wasn't even sure how to describe the emotions the sound of his voice made her feel. She wanted to cry, and hug him, but first she wanted to kill the bastards who did this to him, but she knew she couldn't, so she nodded silently and wrapped her arms around him.
He buried the unbruised side of his face into her chest, and she could hear him sniffling.
"I had an orgasm Ziva." Tony told her, so quietly she almost didn't hear him before he started shaking and sobbing.
Ziva rubbed his back softly, careful to avoid any sore spots with one hand, and ran her other hand through his hair. 'He needs this. He needs to cry.' She thought to herself, so she rubbed his back, and let him cry.
It took about an hour for his breathing to slow down enough for him to talk.
"I'm not gay." Was the first thing he said.
Ziva laughed lightly. "I know that Tony."
"I had an orgasm. What does that mean? Did I like it? Am I gay?" He asked softly.
"It means that your body had an involuntary reaction. It does not mean you are gay, and it certainly does not mean you liked it, or wanted it. Did you want it to happen Tony?" Ziva asked.
Tony shook his head no.
"Then that is all that matters." Ziva told him.
"But.."
Ziva cut him off. "It happens more than you think Tony. I promise, you're not the only one it has happened to."
Tony nodded, understanding what she was telling him, Ziva was just glad that he didn't decide to pry.
"Do you think you can try and sleep a little bit more?" Ziva asked.
Tony nodded. "You'll stay here?"
"I won't leave unless you want me to."
"Can you rub my back again? It helped the pain a little bit." Tony said slowly.
Ziva smiled and started to rub his back.
"Thanks."
"Goodnight Tony. Ani ohvet otha." Ziva said softly.
"I have no idea what that means, but right back at ya." Tony said.
Ziva smiled softly, wishing that were true.