Disclaimer: Anything familiar belongs to JE. Thank you for letting us play.

Warning: Adult language, adult situations, smut, tissues needed

Stephanie's POV

Today is Rosa's fifth birthday. I wish Carlos were here to see our daughter. About a year and a half after his death, on my birthday, Lester made his move. Carlos' parents watched Rosa so I could have a night out with Mary Lou, Connie, and my Merry Men. We went to Shorty's for dinner then to a new club for dancing. It was what I needed to forget Carlos for a few hours. I had a few too many margaritas and needed an escort home. Lester was the man for the job. When we walked me to my door, I asked him to come inside. I was suddenly feeling melancholy and alone. I wanted company. He came in, keeping me company. I changed into my pajamas, which consisted of one of Carlos' t-shirts and sleep boxers from Victoria's Secret. I managed to vomit the alcohol out of my system. We sat on my couch, talking about nothing special, avoiding Carlos. Lester was entertaining me with stories of his most recent conquests, and I found them amusing. At the moment, I confessed how I missed sex, that is sex with another person. I was pretty good at the self-induced, solo orgasm, but what I needed was a social orgasm, but I couldn't hook up with any guy. I wasn't the love them and leave them type of person. I needed a connection with a man to enjoy sex. I also confessed that I wanted to give Rosa a sibling, but that couldn't happen either.

Flashback

"Beautiful, how badly do you want that social orgasm?" Lester asks me.

"More than I care to admit. The shower massager and vibrator aren't doing the trick anymore."

"I can help you out with that problem."

"I can't ask you to, Lester. It wouldn't mean anything to me other than satisfying a physical need. I respect you too much to use you."

"Stephanie, you wouldn't be using me if I allow it. Look, Steph, I love you, and I have for a long time, but I know that you will always love my cousin. I know that your heart belongs to him and that you will never be able to love another man. I know that there is no possibility of you and me. However, I will take whatever you can give me. I know that we will be friends with benefits, and I'm ready to accept that role. No strings attached. I promised my cousin I would look out for you."

I sigh, then reply, "I'm sure he didn't mean taking his place in my life."

"Beautiful, if I would make you as happy as Carlos made you, then he would be happy. Carlos always wanted you to be happy, first and foremost. If Morelli was the right man for you, and you would be happy being the Burg wife, he never would have pursued you. He would rather be miserable than to see you sad."

"Lester, I don't know if I can. You are the most important person in my life right now. Rosa looks to you as a surrogate father. You've always been here for me, whenever I needed you. I would hate for our relationship to change because we throw casual sex into the mix."

"Listen, Stephanie, think about it. You have all the control. I won't ask again. If your need ever becomes that great, you know where I am. If we start and you want me to stop, I will. I won't hurt you."

I don't know what to say, so I get up from the couch and walk over to my DVD collection. I pull out Ghostbusters and hold it up for Lester.

"Sure, Beautiful." He replies to my silent request. I put the movie, returning to the couch. I'm sitting next to Lester, resting my head on his shoulder, as I've done countless times before. He has his arm around me, absentmindedly rubbing my arm. For some reason, tonight his touch is sending heat through my body. I turn my head and kiss his neck, allowing my hands to explore under his shirt. He grabs my hands, gently pushing me away.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm sure."

He starts to kiss my neck, behind my ear, hitting every erogenous zone with his hands and mouth. He reverses our position on the couch, so he is on top of me, kissing and sucking on my nipples, giving gentle nips. When his mouth finally hits my core, I explode. Damn, these Cuban men have skills. He gives me a couple of more orgasm with his talented mouth and fingers before I take his manhood in my mouth. He's not quite as big as Carlos, but bigger than Joe. He cums in my mouth, and I take it all.

He sits up, grabs his pants and takes out a condom. "Do you want to go further?"

I nod and say, "Yes, please."

He puts the condom on and enters me gently, knowing that it will be a little painful after going over two years without sex. He's a good lover, and we both fall over the edge together. I fall asleep in his arms. At some point, he brings me to my bed, and I wake up with my t-shirt, panties, and boxers back on, and he's next to me in his boxers.

"Good morning, Beautiful. Are you okay with last night?"

I pause before answering him. I reflect and answer honestly. "Yes, I am. Lester, thank you for understanding. I'm sorry I can't be more to you than an occasional fuck, but you're right, I still love Carlos. I know that you think I'm crazy, but I know he's alive. I felt him at Arlington. I don't know why he's hiding, or where he is, but until I know for certain that he is dead, I can't give my heart to someone else. If you don't want to do this again, I'm fine with it."

"Steph, I don't have a problem. I enjoyed last night. But I'll leave the ball in your court. As I said, you hold the cards."

"Please continue to be you, Lester. If you find 'the one,' go for her."

"Okay, Stephanie. Now go back to sleep. It's only six. I won't leave if you don't want me to go."

"Please stay, I don't want to wake up alone."

We fell into a comfortable friend with benefits arrangement, having sex about three times a year. Usually on my birthday, his birthday, and the anniversary of Carlos' death. I know it seems weird that I have sex with another man on the day I lost my love, but I need to feel that connection, to feel alive. Having sex with Lester reminds me that I'm still living. My heart will forever belong to Carlos, and Carlos alone. I love Les but as a brother. He is still one of my closest friends, and the best Uncle Rosa has, helping me whenever I need him.

I still believe Carlos is alive. I know I felt his presence at the cemetery. Tank, Bobby, and Lester tried to inquire, but hit a wall of red tape and sealed records. Their security clearance wasn't high enough. Hector offered to hack into the records, but I didn't want that. I know when the time is right, he will return to me, at least I held on to that hope. I continue to document my life with Rosa, hoping that one day when he does return, he will be able to relive those moments with me. After Rosa's party, she is going home with her grandparents, Carlos' parents, for a sleepover so Lester and I can visit Carlos. I'll be alone tonight, and I look forward to tonight, so I can live in my mind when Carlos is with me. I know some may say I'm crazy, but it is my link to sanity. Tomorrow night, Lester and I will have another one of our nights, but I think it will be our last, as he seems to have met 'the one.' I will miss that connection, but I would never disrespect Lester by asking him to continue.

I say goodbye to our guests, and to my darling daughter. Rosa is me, one hundred percent. She looks like I did at her age. It's uncanny. I know Carlos would be spoiling her to death if he were here. She'd have him wrapped around her finger. Maria and Ricardo are better parents to me than my flesh and blood, and I am incredibly grateful to have them in my life.

Once everyone leaves, I go to the master bedroom in my house, the one Carlos purchased for us. I open the cabinet and pull out my stash of Bulgari, taking a shower with Carlos' scent. I pull my shower massager down, pretending its Carlos mouth on me, his fingers instead of mine, his tongue pleasuring me. I can almost feel his touch. I orgasm hard, remembering my love. I finish washing, then put on a sexy lacy teddy and matching thong. I climb into bed, pulling out my vibrator to continue my fantasy. No one could ever compare, he truly ruined me for all other men. Lester is a fabulous lover, but no one knows my body like Carlos.

I am about to turn on the vibrator when I hear a noise downstairs. I slowly get up, pulling my normal black t-shirt over my teddy, grabbing my mini Glock from the nightstand. I hide in a corner, in the shadows waiting to see who the intruder is, ready to shoot if necessary. I feel a tingle at the base of the neck, one I haven't felt in five years. No, it can't be, he's dead, so everyone tells me. The dead don't walk on Earth and make noise.

I watch the handle turn, seeing the door open, but not seeing the person who opened it. I know he's cautious, not wanting to be shot. I see him peer into the room, seeing me in my corner. I hear him say, "Babe, it's me, Carlos, don't shoot, Querida."

"Carlos, is it you?"

"Yes, mi amor, it is."

"Tell me the last thing you said to me before you left my apartment."

"Te quiero, Babe. Always and forever."

I drop my gun and run into his arms, kissing him with every fiber of my body. "I knew you weren't dead. I felt you at Arlington. Why, Carlos, why?" I ask while being held by his strong arms.

"Oh, Dios, Babe, I didn't want to do that to you. I had no choice. The man I was supposed to kill turn out to have a lot more information than the government initially thought he had. I found out a lot of information on drugs, human trafficking, and arms dealing. I was able to infiltrate his family, becoming a confidant to him quickly. His daughter took a fancy to me, and I was forced to marry her. Babe, she was my wife, I had to sleep with her. I hated every moment and avoided it whenever I could. She was only a kid, seventeen years old, half my age. Finally, I got all the information we needed out of him. Then, I had to kill him and his family, including my wife. I returned stateside four days ago. No one knows I'm back except Hector. He told me you were here, alone. He gave me the code for the alarm. He told me about Rosa. Babe, where's our daughter?"

"She's with your parents in Newark. Tomorrow Lester and I are supposed to go to Arlington to visit you."

"Dios, Babe, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes, my love, I will. God, I've waited for this moment for the last five years."

"You have no idea how much I missed you. I was cruel to Consuela, never a compassionate lover. I fucked her quickly, making sure she had a release, but not spending more time than I needed to in the act. I wanted you, only you, and I still do. After we would finish and she would fall asleep, I'd take a shower, washing her off me, thinking about you. I would pleasure myself imagining you there with me. Please, Babe, will you have me?"

"Give me a moment, Carlos," I reply. I walk into the bathroom, to take a moment to process what happened, this gift I received. I take off the t-shirt, spray some perfume, and fluff my hair before returning to the room. I see Carlos sitting on the bed, with his back to the headboard, waiting for me. When he sees me, his jaw drops open.

"Dios, Babe, you're more beautiful now than you were five years ago. He stands up, crossing the room in a few strides to hold me in his arms. He leans down and kisses me, and I kiss him back. He moves his kisses to my neck, remembering that spot that drives me crazy. He kisses my breasts, torturing my nipples before removing the teddy. He continues down my abdomen before he is kneeling before me, my core at the same level as his face.

"I've waited five long years to drink you, to taste you, to have you. I'm going to try to be gentle, but I may not be able to be gentle."

"Take what you need, what you want, because I need you too, my love."

He kisses my core, sucking on my clit, sending chills down my spine. My legs are turning to jelly. He stands, sweeping me off my feet and laying me down on the bed. He enters me, and I groan in pain and pleasure, forgetting how big he is, how he fills me. He takes me hard and fast, and we are both over the edge too quickly. Once I feel myself orgasm, I can't help the tears that fall.

"Querida, what's wrong, did I hurt you?"

"No, Carlos. It's just I've imagined this moment for five years, and I'm terrified I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, finding out this was a dream. You are real, right?"

"Yes, Babe, I'm real." He holds me in his arms, and we talk, sharing our lives for the last five years, making passionate love between stories. I tell him about me and Lester, our arrangement. I'm scared he's going to be mad, but he's not. He tells me that he wasn't celibate for the last five years and didn't expect me to be, especially when I thought he was dead. He is relieved to discover that I am still single, unmarried, and unattached. When daylight breaks, we finally fall asleep, content and sated for the first time in years.