Twelve

"We can still go back to my apartment, Tony." Ziva said as she put her car in park outside of the therapist's office.

Tony shook his head. "I'll be fine."

Ziva got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to help Tony out. He shut the door behind him and took a deep breath.

"Let's go." He said, reaching for Ziva's hand.

As they walked through the parking lot, Ziva kept a close watch over Tony's behaviour. He was looking down, trying to hide his face from anyone who might see him – he didn't want them to see the bruises – but he was also trying to look straight ahead – trying to seem braver than he felt.

Ziva pulled the building door open and Tony walked inside quickly.

She led him down the hallway to the elevators and hit the call button. The doors slid open and she hit the '3' button. A few seconds later, the doors slid open to reveal the third-floor hallway. Ziva led Tony down the hall, to a glass door with:

Lillian Woods – Psychotherapy

stenciled on it.

Ziva pushed the door open and they walked into the waiting room. Immediately, Tony headed to a chair in the corner where he could see the entire room, and all three doors.

Ziva walked up to the desk to be signed in.

The girl behind the desk looked up from her computer. "Good morning Ziva." She said as she handed her the clipboard with the sign in sheet.

Ziva smiled. "Good morning." She said. She scribbled her name on the sheet and handed Jenna the clipboard.

"Lillian will be with you in a moment."

Ziva nodded. "Thank you."

Ziva walked over to Tony and sat in the chair next to him. His hand reached for hers immediately. She took it and turned it over, rubbing his palm gently.

The office door opened, and a small red-haired woman stepped out. "Are you ready Ziva?"

Ziva looked up at Tony. His eyes were wide, and he was starting to shake.

"Are you going to be okay out here?" She asked.

Tony nodded slowly. "I'll be fine."

Ziva didn't quite believe him, but she stood up anyway. "I will be right through that door. If you need me, come and get me." She told him firmly.

Tony nodded silently and fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him.

Ziva followed Lillian into the office and sat down on the loveseat across from her desk.

"So how have you been Ziva?" Lillian asked as she sat back in her chair.

"Good." Ziva told her simply. She couldn't stop thinking about Tony. Would he actually come in and get her if he needed something? What if something happened and he decided to run? Would he do that?

Ziva felt a hand on her arm, snapping her out of her thoughts and she looked up at Lillian.

"Are you okay, Ziva?" She asked.

Ziva nodded. "I am sorry, I was… lost in thought… I am fine." She said.

"What were you thinking about?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shrugged.

"Were you thinking about the man in the waiting room?"

Ziva nodded slowly.

"Who is he?" Lillian asked.

"Tony."

"That's Tony?" She asked.

Ziva nodded.

"Obviously you told him you were coming here." Lillian stated.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

"So, you told him what happened?"

Ziva nodded again. "He knows everything." She told her.

Lillian leaned back against the back of her chair. "What made you decide to tell him?"

Ziva bit her lip. She didn't want to disrespect Tony's privacy.

"Something… something happened to him, and he needed to know that he was not alone." Ziva said.

Lillian nodded, understanding. "That doesn't explain why you brought him here."

"He has been staying at my apartment for the last few days, since it happened. He does not want to be alone. He is scared, and he trusts me." Ziva told her.

Lillian nodded. "That puts a lot of pressure on you, doesn't it?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not in the way that you would think. I do not mind having him there. I told him how I felt about him." Ziva told her. "Actually, it kind of slipped out, I said it when he was falling asleep, it was not even in English."

"And I'm assuming the feeling was mutual." Lillian said.

Ziva nodded, smiling slightly.

"Do you think that's a good idea? Starting a relationship so soon after his experience?" Lillian asked.

Ziva nodded. "I do. I have known Tony for a very long time, and there is no one I would trust more to be in a relationship with. Ever." She told her firmly.

Lillian smiled. "That's good, Ziva."

Ziva looked up at her. "It is?" She asked.

Lillian nodded. "You didn't question yourself. That tells me that you're starting to trust yourself again. I couldn't say that about you, even two or three months ago. I'm impressed."

Ziva smiled a bit. "I trust him."

Lillian smiled. "Another big step."

Ziva nodded.

There was a knock on the door, and her head snapped toward the sound. The door opened, and Tony walked in, visibly shaking.

"Sorry to interrupt." He mumbled.

Ziva held her hand out to him. "Come sit." She said softly.

Tony took her hand and sat down beside her. She slid closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"What happened?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I… I don't know, I just…" He trailed off.

Ziva could feel his breathing speed up as she rubbed his back.

"Everything is okay Tony." She said softly. "Take some deep breaths."

Tony nodded and tried to slow his breathing. Ziva sat in silence for a few minutes, watching Tony carefully. He relaxed against her finally and looked up at her.

"Would you like some water, Tony?" Lillian asked from across the room.

Tony nodded. "Please." He said quietly.

Lillian stood up and took a bottle out of the small fridge in the office. She handed it to him.

"Thank you." Tony said.

Lillian smiled. "You're welcome. I'll give you two a minute." She said before stepping out of the office.

Tony took a sip of water.

"Do you want to go home?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me." Ziva told him.

"You need to be here." Tony said.

Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I love you for trying to help me, Tony, but it is okay to think about yourself too. I am not the only one who needs to feel comfortable right now." She said.

Tony nodded. "I know." He mumbled. "But this is important."

Ziva nodded. "Would you like to stay in here with me?" She asked.

Tony looked up at her. "Can I?"

Ziva smiled. "Of course you can."

Tony nodded. "Okay."

Tony jumped a bit when Lillian knocked on the office door.

"Everything okay?" She asked, poking her head in.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

Lillian stepped into the office and sat down in her chair again. She looked at Ziva unsurely.

Ziva nodded. "Anything you want to say, you can say." She told her.

Lillian nodded. "We don't have too much time left, but how has your anxiety been?" She asked.

"Under control." Ziva told her.

"Any panic attacks since I saw you last?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shook her head. "No."

"You don't seem to be quite as jumpy as last time. What's changed?" Lillian asked.

Ziva shrugged. "I do not know. There are some times that I feel… overly aware of what is happening around me, but I can usually figure out how to ground myself."

Lillian nodded. "How do you do that?"

Ziva thought for a moment. "I think about what is stable around me, work, my friends… Tony." She said softly.

Tony looked up at her silently. Ziva saw him out of the corner of her eye and tightened her grip on his waist momentarily. He smiled a bit.

"That's a good strategy. How are the nightmares?" Lillian asked.

"Less frequent. Only every few days now. I am sleeping through the night most nights." Ziva told her.

"That's great Ziva. Your brain is finding ways to tell you that you're doing very well. Have you needed the Diphenhydramine at all?" She asked.

"Once or twice, they do not really help anymore. If I take them and I do have a nightmare, I do not wake up from it, so I try to avoid them." Ziva told her.

Lillian nodded. "When you do have nightmares, what do you do after you wake up?" She asked.

Ziva shrugged. "I read, mostly. Sometimes I write. It usually calms me down enough to get back to sleep for a few hours."

"That's good, you really are making progress, Ziva, you know that right?" Lillian asked.

Ziva sighed. "Most days I do. Then there are some days, when I have nightmares a few days in a row, or I jump when someone walks up behind my desk when I am not expecting it I feel like I am right back where I started." She told her honestly.

Lillian nodded. "When those things happen, I want you to take a minute or two, and let yourself just not be okay for a minute. You're very hard on yourself when something doesn't go the way that it should, or you can't be as tough as you would like to be, and you have to remind yourself that after everything you went through it's okay to take a minute and let yourself feel."

Ziva nodded. "I will try."

Lillian stood up. "Our time is up, but you've come a long way Ziva." She told her. "Ask Jenna to book you in next month, and you can always come sooner if you need to."

Ziva nodded as she stood. "I know. Thank you." She said.

She watched Tony stand up, waiting for her.

"It was nice to meet you, Tony. Ziva's told me great things." Lillian said, extending her hand to him slowly.

Tony nodded and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you too."

Lillian smiled. "Have a good day you two." She said.

Ziva smiled softly. "You too." She said before opening the door for Tony.

Jenna looked up when Ziva stepped into the waiting room.

"Next month?" She asked.

Ziva nodded. "Please."

Jenna clicked her mouse a few times, scrolling through the calendar. "How does the fourteenth at ten o'clock sound?" She asked.

"I can do that." Ziva said.

Jenna nodded. "Okay." She said. She grabbed an appointment card from the stack on her desk and wrote the date and time on it and handed it to Ziva.

"Thank you Jenna." Ziva said, pushing the card into her back pocket.

"Have a nice day." Jenna said before looking back down at her computer.

Ziva took Tony's hand and led him down the hallway to the elevator.

"Home?" She asked.

Tony nodded, squeezing her hand. "Please."