Okay, this is a bit of a shorter chapter, and I honestly have no idea why, I just couldn't make it flow the way I wanted to, so I decided to tie it up and publish it and move on for now, and figure out a way to fix it later, because I have a bunch of ideas and being stuck staring at this one chapter is making me crazy, and it's making me not even want to open this document, so I have to just move on for now. Try and enjoy it anyway though, I did get most of what I wanted into it.
Thirteen
Thirty minutes later, Tony was back in Ziva's arms on the couch in her apartment.
"I am glad you listened to me." Ziva said softly.
"I tried to stay out in the waiting room for as long as possible. I didn't want to interrupt." Tony said.
Ziva nodded. "I would have been perfectly happy if you sat in on the whole session Tony." She told him.
Tony shrugged. "It was a private conversation."
Ziva kissed his forehead softly. "I have no secrets from you anymore, I do not want to have secrets from you anymore."
Tony looked up at her. "I hate that it's the only thing I can think about. And the only topic of conversation I seem to be able to stick to."
Ziva nodded. "That is perfectly understandable Tony, it just happened."
Tony wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist, resting his head on her chest. "And I made you tell me what happened to you… you probably wouldn't have told me if this hadn't happened, and obviously that was for a reason, it scares you, and it's really not any of my business anyway, and I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable every time I bring it up…" Tony rambled.
Ziva rubbed his back gently. "Tony, stop it." She said softly.
He looked up at her.
"Sit up." Ziva told him.
Tony did as he was told. Ziva sat up straight in front of him and reached for his hands.
"You did not make me tell you anything Tony. I chose to tell you, I know I could have said no to you." Ziva told him. "Do you want to know why I didn't?"
Tony nodded silently.
"Because I want you to know me, and I want to help you. Talking about what happened to me does not scare me when I am with you. Maybe it is because you know what it is like, and I absolutely hate that you know this pain, but if I can sit here, and talk to you about what I have been through, and bring you even a little bit of comfort, that is all I want." Ziva said, squeezing his hands.
Tony nodded. "Thank you." He said quietly.
"I meant what I said earlier. You can always come to me if you need to, no matter what I am doing, I will make time for you. And you can ask me anything, I will always tell you the truth, alright?" Ziva asked.
Tony sniffled. "Alright."
She brought her hand up to Tony's uninjured cheek, wiping tears away. "I am so sorry this happened to you." She said softly. "I never wanted to be able to relate to you in this way."
"I love you." Tony said softly.
Ziva smiled. "I love you too."
"Can I ask you something?"
Ziva nodded. "Of course."
Tony looked up at her. "Earlier you said something about finding a therapist after the case with the petty officer who was raped, you said you understood her, and I remember McGee saying that he wouldn't let anyone get away with rape, and he asked you what you would do…" He trailed off.
Ziva nodded. "I remember, what is your question?"
"What happened after you walked out of the squad room? I didn't see you for almost an hour after that." Tony said.
Ziva sighed. "I went to the washroom, I had a panic attack, and I came back out to go to work." She said simply.
"I saw how uncomfortable it made you. You covered it up, but I saw it, for a second before you said something about castration, but I didn't want to assume anything." Tony said.
Ziva shrugged. "He did not mean anything by it."
Tony nodded. "I still ripped him a new one after you left the room."
"Ripped him a new what?" Ziva asked.
Tony laughed lightly. "I yelled at him." He explained.
Ziva nodded. "You did not have to do that."
Tony smiled. "I know I didn't, if we're being honest, I just didn't like that he would even ask you."
Ziva shrugged. "He did not know what Saleem and his men did."
"Neither did I, but I could still gather that you went through something really bad out there." Tony stated.
Ziva nodded. "I decided that I needed help after spending forty-five minutes with my head between my knees in the bathroom trying to breathe properly again."
Tony leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked.
"I did not want you to see me differently, or be treated like I was fragile, or about to break down." Ziva told him.
"We wouldn't have." Tony said. "I don't now."
Ziva smiled a bit. "I know. I trust you Tony."
Tony held Ziva's hands tightly in his own. "Can I kiss you?" He asked.
Ziva nodded. "Whenever you want to."
Tony smiled and rested one hand on Ziva's cheek while the other sat on her waist. She smiled and pressed her lips against his as her hand slid into his hair. Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's waist, pulling her into his lap as they kissed, both parties trying their best to pour all of the emotion they could into a single kiss. Ziva smiled into the kiss, enjoying how she felt when she was with Tony. She felt like herself again. The Ziva she had been before Saleem – carefree, happy, sexy.
Ziva was the first to pull away, a moment later as she realized that she was on top of Tony. "Your bruises." She stated. "I do not want to hurt you." She said as she pushed herself back onto the couch.
Tony smiled, reaching for her hand again. "That was some kiss David."
Ziva looked up at him. "It was too much?" She asked.
Tony shook his head. "Not even a little bit Zi, I promise." He told her.
Ziva laid back against the arm of the couch again and opened her arms to Tony. He gladly laid down with her, resting his head on her chest.
"I like kissing you." She told him. "It feels… good. Not in a sexual way, I mean it could be in a sexual way someday, not today, definitely not today, don't worry about that, I just mean, it is comforting. I like knowing that you're here, and I feel safe with you."
Tony nodded. "You were right the first time, it does feel good. Comforting." He confirmed.
Ziva smiled, running her hands over his back gently. "When Gibbs called me to tell me to come to the hospital for you…" She started before trailing off quietly.
Tony looked up at her. "Yeah?" He asked.
Ziva sighed. "I was so scared." She said simply. "I did not know what happened, or if you were alright. I did not want to lose you. I over reacted." She felt Tony's grip on her waist tighten a bit.
"I wanted you." Tony told her. "I didn't tell Gibbs that, but you were the one that I wanted."
Ziva smiled softly. "It took me six minutes to get from here to the hospital."
Tony laughed. "How fast were you going?"
"Faster than I should have been." She said.
Tony smiled and stretched his neck up to kiss her jaw softly. "I'm glad you came."
Ziva kissed his forehead. "So am I."