Okay, so this isn't the final chapter, I have one more after this that I want to write, and I have a very specific reason for doing so, which I will explain when that chapter is posted – so here is chapter 20, because I felt that this conversation needed to happen between them… enjoy!

Twenty

"Do you think therapy would help me get through the trial? Or should I wait until after?" Tony asked suddenly as they were making dinner the next day.

Ziva put the potato peeler down in the dish tray on the counter and turned to face him. She stepped toward him, resting her hands on his waist.

"Why would you wait?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't know… would it… it's gonna sound stupid." Tony said.

Ziva watched him carefully, her thumbs rubbing soft circles above his hips. "It won't Tony." She assured him.

Tony looked away from her. "What if it, I don't even know."

Ziva wrapped her arms around Tony. "Can I be honest?" She asked.

Tony accepted her embrace, and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. "Yeah."

"I think that the most important thing is that you are comfortable. Because if you go to therapy and you aren't ready for it, if you push yourself too fast, it will not help." She told him.

Tony nodded. "How do you know when you're ready though?" He asked.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly as she pulled out of the hug. "You just do." She said simply. She didn't know how to explain it.

Tony sighed. "I just want to be okay again." He said, his voice breaking.

Ziva's hand lifted to cup his cheek gently. "You will be okay Tony. Just… let yourself not be okay first. Let yourself be scared, and have nightmares, because they're going to happen. It is normal." She said.

Tony nodded. "Can I ask you a dumb question?"

Ziva smiled softly. "There is no such thing as a dumb question Tony. You can ask me anything."

"Do the nightmares get better… well maybe better isn't the right word, you know what I mean." Tony said.

Ziva ran her hands up and down his sides gently. She could tell he was getting frustrated with himself.

"Mine got worse." Ziva told him.

Tony sighed. She looked up at him and saw the tears forming in his eyes. She reached over and turned off the stove, which had a pot of near boiling water on it for the potatoes. She stepped back from Tony, taking his hand.

"Come sit." She said softly.

Tony followed her into the living room and sat down on the couch, facing her.

"After we got home, I forced myself not to think about Somalia. Any of it. I completely shut out that part of my life and I was fine." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded. "What changed?" He asked.

"Things started to leak through, and then the Burrows case…" She trailed off, looking down at their joined hands. "You know that that was when I found a therapist, and everything just kind of… burst out."

Tony squeezed her hands. "Tell me?" He said softly.

"When I started talking about it… I told her about being taken. Two of Saleem's men ambushed me from behind, I do not know what happened after that. I remember being hit from behind, and I passed out." She told him. She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm so she could talk to him.

"When I woke up, I was handcuffed and sitting on the ground. My legs were tied together. Saleem came in and… I did not even have time to say anything before he started beating me. I must have lost consciousness again, and the next time I woke up I was tied to a chair, and Saleem was demanding information." Ziva said quietly.

Tony nodded silently, giving her the chance to continue.

Ziva reached up to her own chest, picking up the Star of David that laid there. "When Staff Sergeant Cryer and I were on the ship, he told me that I should take it off." She told him.

Tony laughed lightly. "I'm assuming that didn't go well for him."

Ziva nodded. "I told him I would rather die than take it off."

Tony smiled. "It's important to you."

Ziva looked up at him. "It is a large part of who I am." She told him.

"You weren't wearing it when McGee and I found you." Tony remembered.

Ziva nodded. "Saleem took it."

Tony reached up to get a closer look at the charm around her neck. "Where did you get this one?" He asked.

Ziva smiled. "Gibbs." She told him.

Tony looked up at her. "Really?" He asked. He had always figured that she had picked it out herself – because it was important to her.

Ziva nodded, smiling at the memory. "It was after everyone left one day, I finished the report I was writing, and I handed it to him, and he handed me a box. I opened it and I… burst into tears does not sound right, but there were definitely tears. He got up, and he put it on me, and I did break down. He held me while I cried, and I think that was when he realized what had happened to me… he was kind, and he treated me like a daughter. Like I wished my father would have."

Tony kissed her forehead softly. "He didn't deserve you. He put you in harm's way…" He trailed off.

Ziva nodded. "He betrayed me. Many times, even before this, and I was too stupid to see it." She said sadly.

Tony shook his head. "No, you weren't. You wanted a relationship with him, that's what everyone wants Ziva. That's not stupid." He said as he pulled her close to him.

Ziva shook her head. "We have gotten off track. My point is, after I started talking about it with Lillian, I started reliving it."

"When did it get better?" Tony asked.

Ziva thought for a moment. "I am not sure honestly. Everything just got easier over time, and I still have nightmares, obviously, you have seen them, but they do not happen as often. But that does not mean that the same thing will happen to you."

Tony sat quietly for a moment. "What happens if it does?" He asked.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I will be there to help you, and comfort you." She assured him.

Tony sat silently, for much too long as far as Ziva was concerned. She leaned back against the arm of the couch, like she had gotten so used to doing and pulled him with her.

Tony settled between her legs, resting his head on her chest while her hand ran through his hair. He smiled a bit, he loved that Ziva could keep him calm, and allow him time to just get his thoughts in order. He loved her for little things like that.

They laid together quietly until Tony's stomach began to growl. He looked up at Ziva, who was smiling down at him brightly.

"Food?" Ziva asked.

Tony laughed lightly, nodding. "Yes please." He said, sitting up.

Ziva stood up and reached her hands out to him. He took her hands and pulled himself up. He wrapped an arm around Ziva's waist, pulling her close and the other hand came to rest under her ear as he kissed her. Ziva's hands found their way around Tony's neck as they kissed.

She pulled away from him, only when air became necessary. "What was that for?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "I felt like it."

Ziva smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Come on my little hairy butt." She said as she took his hand to lead him into the kitchen. "Dinner awaits."