I can't imagine I looked very happy as I read article after article on the computer in front of me about the End-bringers. Immortal monsters that killed millions at a leisurely pace of three cities per year. Leviathan was wasn't just a shaker. He sunk entire islands with his dominion over water. He was a God. And he was just as fast. Faster than any cape. Possible faster than even Rider. Was he faster than Medusa? Faster than Pegasus? I couldn't do this. I misjudged. If this monster was so fast, there was no way it wouldn't be able to reach me in battle if it wanted to - I still had to stay fairly close to my Servants for them to fight. I underestimated my task because I thought my enemies would just be powerful humans, and even the most powerful of capes would struggle against a mid-tier Servant. I couldn't care less for pride right now. Forget trying to be something more, I wasn't cut out for this...

"Master?"

Astolfo was in my personal space again. Damn him. I didn't want him to see my face while these thoughts were in my head. "Rider, take a rest. I need to conserve my energy."

The shimmering died down quickly, his body dissolving into the air without a fuss. I was left alone in the room again. The only light now came from the edges of the blinds where the sunlight slipped in. The rays of light only exposed the suffocating amount of dust in the air they shone through. It made me feel stuffy all of a sudden. I also noticed how cluttered the room was. God, I was messy. All the beer bottles on the floor didn't help either. I needed some fresh air.

As soon as I stepped out of the room the cold air assaulted my face. My ears were the first to go numb. The ever present ambient noise of 'the outside' was there; The distant rolling of rubber along tarmac; the soft howling of wind in my ears; the cacophony of chatter when you reached the busier parts of the city. Talking a walk wasn't easy for me, not only because of the lack of safety I felt being out without a Servant by my side, but also because I just wasn't used to going out. Despite my inner turmoil I still felt self conscious walking by people - which was a shame because Brockton Bay was a metropolis and it's sidewalks showed that - and I wondered if the shower this morning was enough. I had used soap but I couldn't be bothered to shampoo my hair because it was such a bother. How fast did my hair get greasy anyway? I hoped people couldn't tell.

I saw the subway shop Rider and I frequented across the street. I had enough pocket change for a snack. I joined the people waiting at the crossing. I waited for the the stop to turn green. I waited for the cars to come to a complete stop before I felt comfortable walking out. I entered the shop, waited in line behind the man in the coat in front of me, politely asked the pretty girl for my food, watched her prepare it impassively, felt inadequate a little, and went on my way to find a park bench.

At the end of all that mundaneness, I was much calmer than I had been in my room. With each bite came a little familiarity. Beef was my favourite. I sat there, enjoying my food, for a couple of moments.

"Alaya." My voice came out as a half whisper. Even though I was pretty much alone in the park, I still couldn't find it in me to speak loudly for fear that someone would hear me. God, that was so pathetic. I really fucked up in thinking I could do this. Alaya, I know I've already spent so much time in this world but isn't there a way I can back out? I'm sorry I wasted your time but this is too much for me. Wait, could she even hear me anymore? If she needed someone from another Earth to save this one then she probably couldn't do much here. I was cut off as soon as I made that deal with the World. It has to be those monsters. Alaya would have sent an agent herself if she could. And if I know my lore, then Gaia wouldn't have let them persist if she could help it either, right? They couldn't be natural. Jesus. Just how powerful were they?

Why didn't I think this through?

Even though I was sat down my breathing grew deep and quick and my heart felt as if I had been waiting to be executed. I was feeling self conscious again, but this time I was hyper aware of my body, like a feeling of impending death that I couldn't shake. It was like standing on the precipice of a tall building roof. Your footing was as stable as anywhere but you knew that if you lost it, no matter how unlikely, your life would end. It was like the first time traveling in an aeroplane, where you felt it in the pit of your stomach, every time the plane dipped suddenly, how you were going to go out. Only without the comfort of my mother's hand around mine. I felt so sick. I got up and paced and paced and paced, wringing my hands together. I was so restless! I could barely contain the urge to run and jump. I was so jittery!

I pushed through the dizziness though, threw the half of the sandwich that was left into a bin and made my way to the library.

You just need to calm down and then you can think with a level head. I couldn't let myself get hysterical like that. It had happened before in life and I could never look the people who saw me like that in the eye ever again unless they were family. Walking would at least burn off some energy. When I arrived I browsed all the shelves I could. The act of mindlessly scanning through titles was therapeutic. Reading was supposed to be something everyone did on a regular basis wasn't it. Before I got to worrying about the mess I was in I should probably start trying to better myself in the small ways first.

As I came across "Macbeth" I was struck with a thought. What if I showed Shakespeare around here, in the modern day. He'd be chuffed! There was no reason I couldn't take the time to do something nice for someone else right now. There was no hurry, I forced myself to think.

I got out of the library and found a quiet alley. William Shakespeare must have made it into the Throne. I could just picture him being all suave and elegant. The call was sent, now to wait for-

"Oh, how dost thou, sweet lord!" His first words - that were shouted out of his mouth mind you - weren't what I expected. Or maybe they're exactly what I should have expected. The refined gentleman in front of me wrapped in frilly Elizabethan clothes had his arms spread wide open. I looked around to see if anyone caught that. He was not what I was expecting. "I take it you are my Master?"

"Uh, was that a quote from one of your plays?"

He made a strangled noise, so suddenly I thought we had been attacked, and he lifted a hand to his heart.

"O my heart! Could it be that my Master does not know of my work?"

"No, no! I just don't know all of it. There's just so much and-There's just a lot to take in. We're actually right next to a library-"

"Say no more Master!"

And just like that he dragged me out of the alleyway and I had to point out to him where to drag me to get to the library. We pulled out all his plays that were available and even some non-fiction about his life. We actually haven't even been properly introduced but that was alright. Normally, I'd be bored being taught about literature I had no interest in, but as I sat there watching and listening to this legend in front of my very eyes I was captivated. Didn't learn anything though.

"...so, where do we find ourselves now Master?"

"Huh? Oh..." I had forgotten all about that for a couple of minutes- wait, hours?! "Shit. We've been here so long I'm hungry again."

"Hmm, you have not answered the question Master. Is it so bad that you cannot tell me? You must truly be in a predicament..."

Shakespeare really wasn't helping. With a sigh, I told him him how this wasn't a holy grail war. I explained how we weren't in his timeline, my deal with the World, what the enemy was, and hoped he wouldn't be a coward like me.

"Ah, magnificent! Wonderful! Brilliant! Amazing!"

"...What."

This person didn't feel real.

Oh wait. Heroic spirit.

He was talking exaggeratedly again, waving his arms about willy nilly. This time I couldn't bear to look around us and check if anyone caught it. We were in public!

"Cruelly ripped from your world," "Well, actually-" "Thrown helplessly into danger, his demise uncertain," "Please don't say things like that about-" "...well, all but assured." "Oh..."

My voice was barely audible next to his but at the end it was practically a whimper.

"I am eternally grateful to have been summoned for this momentous undertaking! I, Caster, shall do my best...to watch it all attentively!"

"Wait-What." What did he just say? "But...you're not going to help? Shakes-Caster, I-look, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of scared here, man." Caster wasn't some great warrior in life, he was a writer not a fighter. That was the only reason why I gave him even a hint about my doubts...well, it was more of a panic attack really. He was just normal guy, but, as a heroic spirit, surely he has some combat ability.

Shakespeare leaned over the table and clasped his hands on my shoulders suddenly. "Ah!"

The way he grabbed me so firmly - as if I wouldn't listen to him otherwise - and the way he spoke reminded me of my grandfather, who I would visit, rarely and briefly, in his later years.

"You are afraid. Are you not. Who wouldn't be." His words were soft - it was such a stark departure from what little I had heard of him I was holding my breath. "But you mustn't feel ashamed Master. You are fully capable of overcoming that fear and rising to the occasion. If you do not, you cannot possibly call yourself a man. Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant taste of death but once."

What was he saying? That I could rise to the occasion? Did this heroic spirit see something in me that I couldn't?

"You absolutely must do this."

"..."

I knew that. I had already told Astolfo about the situation. Not to mention that several other Servants - whom I thought to briefly summon and bring up to speed - also knew about the task. These were all exceptional individuals who had far surpassed humanity, yet I couldn't help but compare myself to them and think, What would they think if I gave up? Diarmuid's unwavering loyalty was flattering sure, to the point where I could be despicable and he would still stick by me, but I couldn't bare to not at least try to be deserving of it; and, Medusa may look and even act ruthless, but she still has strong morals at heart. A lot of the Servants did. At the thought of all these great men and women thinking less of me...

I could only nod.