"And Dr. Quinzel says…" began Chuckie.
"Jesus, put a sock in it, will ya, Chuckie?" interrupted Buzz, glaring up from his magazine. "Dr. Quinzel, Dr. Quinzel, that's all you ever talk about anymore! Not that your conversation was ever that stimulating to begin with, but change the record, for God's sake!"
"Can't blame him," chuckled Jack, flipping over a card in his game. "Chuckie's a lucky guy to get to have her one on one."
"Dr. Quinzel says I don't have to listen to you anymore," retorted Chuckie, sticking his tongue out at Buzz. "She says I can do better than just being a criminal for the rest of my life."
"Well, she's a dumb blonde, ain't she?" demanded Buzz, turning a page in his magazine. "What kinda future do you think you got that ain't criminal, Chuckie?"
"Dr. Quinzel says I could be an artist…" began Chuckie.
Buzz burst out laughing. "Yeah, that'll happen! I've seen your little drawings – nobody would pay a nickel for those! Even really talented people can't make a living being an artist – what chance do you think you've got?"
"Dr. Quinzel says I got just as much chance as anyone," retorted Chuckie. "She says I just need to believe in myself."
"Dumb blonde, like I said," retorted Buzz.
"Now Buzz, there's no need to be rude," said Jack. "Dr. Quinzel's clearly just being the sweet and compassionate gal she is. I tell ya, I get more attracted to that dame by the minute."
"And I tell ya, you ain't got no chance with her," retorted Buzz. "She hates your guts."
"I don't think Dr. Quinzel is mean enough to ever hate anyone," said Chuckie. "But she did say she didn't think you were a nice guy."
"And you're so sure she wants a nice guy, are you?" chuckled Jack.
"All dames want a nice guy," retorted Chuckie. "Unless they're crazy or stupid, and Dr. Quinzel ain't crazy or stupid. She's the smartest, sanest person I've ever met."
"Yeah, and don't you find that just the tiniest bit suspicious, Chuckie?" asked Jack. "I know you ain't the brightest bulb in the shed, but just think about it for one second. Here's a gal who's got it all – looks, brains, heart. So why is she wasting her life interning here? She could have it all – she could find some rich guy to marry her and live a life of luxury, or she could be the head of this damn hospital if that's what she wanted. But she ain't. Which tells me there's something wrong with her."
"There's nothing wrong with Dr. Quinzel…" began Chuckie, defensively.
"I don't mean wrong exactly, but…there's something about her that's stopping her from going further in her life and career," said Jack. "Something that's holding her back, both personally and professionally. I don't know if it's something she's built up in her head so she's too scared to try, or if it's something objectively wrong that other people pick up on, but…there's something about her. I wanna find out what it is."
"Why?" asked Buzz. "You hoping you can blackmail her into helping us since charm hasn't worked?"
"Oh, I'm not gonna give up on charm just yet," said Jack with a smile.
"Well, good luck getting near her to use that charm," retorted Buzz. "She's only around to drop off Chuckie and go to the break room, and she ignores us every time she does either of those things."
"Oh Buzz, you're so small-minded," sighed Jack, standing up as he saw Dr. Leland heading toward the break room. "Watch and learn. Dr. Leland, I wonder if I might have a word, ma'am," he said, politely.
"Of course, Mr. Napier, what is it?" asked Dr. Leland, turning to him.
"I've been hearing all sorts of great things from my pal Chuckie about Dr. Quinzel," said Jack, nodding at Chuckie. "He just can't stop raving about her fantastic abilities as a psychiatrist. The way he tells it, she seems like a miracle worker."
"Yes, Dr. Quinzel is one of our best psychiatrists," agreed Dr. Leland. "You'll get no argument from me there."
"I'm sure she is," agreed Jack, nodding. "And I was just wondering, since she's such a fantastic shrink, why I, for one, can't be as lucky as Chuckie, and get to experience her incredible therapy first-hand. My doctor just doesn't seem that interested in helping me…"
"The way Dr. Bartholomew tells it, you're not that interested in being helped," retorted Dr. Leland. "He says you keep changing your story."
"Oh, that's not intentional – I'm afraid my old memory just ain't as reliable as it used to be," sighed Jack, tapping on his forehead. "After my little accident, y'know."
"What accident?" asked Dr. Leland.
"Oh, I got hit in the head with a crowbar by some guy from a rival gang during a fight," Jack sighed. "And ever since then, the memory's a little hazy. I guess that makes me a challenging case for the shrink, and I'm sorry about that, but sometimes I remember things one way, and sometimes another. I get the feeling from my shrink that he just doesn't care enough to try and help me though – I guess he thinks I'm faking all this because I don't wanna take my therapy seriously."
"Do you?" asked Dr. Leland, skeptically.
"Look, Doc, I'll be the first to admit I was happy to be put in here just so I could stay outta prison," said Jack, nodding. "I thought an asylum would be a nice, cushy place to hang out for a while. But I've really seen a change in Chuckie over the past few weeks, and he's opened my eyes to what a really good shrink can do for a person. He's inspired me to think that maybe there's hope for any of us to change, even someone as worthless as me. I mean, I am worthless, Doc, I ain't kidding myself. Even you think so, right? You think we're a bunch of stone-cold criminals with no hope for reform."
"No, I didn't say that…" began Dr. Leland.
"Well, there's gotta be some reason why you don't want me to have the best shrink, who you just said was Dr. Quinzel," said Jack. "I get it – you don't wanna waste her talents on a guy like me, who's doomed to be a heartless criminal to the end of his days. She's only got so much time for patients, and she should spend that time on people she can actually help, not lost causes like me."
"I never said you were a lost cause, Mr. Napier," said Dr. Leland. "I don't believe in lost causes."
"Then you'll swap me over to Dr. Quinzel, won't you?" asked Jack. "Please, Dr. Leland. I think I'm mostly beyond hope, but with a sweet, kind, compassionate gal like that…well, the hope's not entirely lost. And it's been a long time since a guy like me could even hope to be good again."
Dr. Leland nodded slowly. "I'll…ask her if she'll consider taking on another patient. No promises, mind, but it never hurts to ask."
"I'd really appreciate it, Doc," said Jack, beaming at her. "More than words can express."
Dr. Leland headed into the break room, and Buzz snorted. "You are such a liar," he muttered. "You never had any crowbar accident or memory problems."
"I'm a convincing liar – what can I say?" retorted Jack, returning to his card game.
"Anyway, you might have Dr. Leland fooled, but Dr. Quinzel is gonna say no, and she has the final say," continued Buzz. "She's never gonna agree to voluntarily be alone with you."
"I think she will," said Jack. "If she refuses to take me on, she'll think I'll think she's afraid of me, and she doesn't want to give me the satisfaction of thinking that. Anyway, she ain't afraid of me, and she likes a challenge. I think it'll be an offer she can't refuse."
"I'm with Chuckie – Dr. Quinzel's not crazy or stupid," retorted Buzz. "And a smart girl in her right mind wouldn't have anything to do with you."
"I agree," said Jack, smiling as he shuffled the cards. "Which is why I'm betting she's not in her right mind. I mean, she's definitely smart, and it's gotta be one or the other."
"Jack, I don't want you even thinking about hurting her if she does agree," said Chuckie, sternly. "Because I'll hurt you if you do."
"Perish the thought, Chuckie," said Jack. "I've promised her I won't hurt her. Crossed my heart and hoped to die and everything. Besides, she can take care of herself. She's a smart, sophisticated, strong woman capable of making her own decisions."
"But you think she's crazy," pointed out Buzz.
"No reason a gal can't be smart, sophisticated, strong and crazy," said Jack, shrugging as he dealt another hand of solitaire. "Anyway, I'm not interested in hurting her. I'm only interested in finding out what that something about her is. She likes a challenge and so do I, and my challenge is to figure out what's wrong with Dr. Quinzel."
"While her challenge is figuring out what's wrong with you," finished Buzz, nodding. "Gee, in a competition between a shrink and a criminal to see who can figure someone out first, my money's all on Dr. Quinzel. That is her job, after all - it's just the smart bet."
"I normally like long-shot odds," agreed Chuckie. "But I'm with Buzz – there's no way you're better at getting into people's heads than Dr. Quinzel."
"I'm probably better than you think," murmured Jack, turning over a joker card. "But let's just wait and see, shall we, boys?"