Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^

Bowser heads to his son's chamber. No doubt the girl will be there taking care of Jr., as she always does. Funny, the young Prince has made complaints about many caretakers in their time, but not this one. The only negative thing he knows of Jr. complaining about Lynsie was the other night she had tricked the boy into eating vegetables by coating them in cheese. A clever, funny, and most useful trick. But that is not what's on his mind now. Now he was thinking of how he was going to tell the girl that she was going to be his 'date' to Peach's birthday party. Yeah...That's going to sound weirder out loud.

These thoughts suddenly end when he turns into the hall for Jr.'s room and sees Roy with a small box looking into the room's keyhole. Oh, great...what's all this about?

"See something you like in there?"

That causes the Koopaling to jump back and nearly drops his box.

"Geez old man! I-I mean, hey there pop. What's up?"

Well, this is going to be amusing.

"Heh, a bit jumpy aren't you? What's in the box? *sniff sniff* Smells sweet."

Roy tries the hide the box much to Bowser's interest.

"It's nothin'."

This is starting to get even more interesting.

"Roy...Mind telling me what's going on?"

"It's nothin' pops. Honest."

"Really? Because I doubt you brought sweets to Jr.."

Roy looks off at the floor sheepishly.

"Pop...What if, hypothetically speakin', I have a thing for a girl..."

"I'm listening."

"And I want to get this girl's attention so she knows I'm serious..."

"Have you tried abducting her? It never fails to get a girl to notice you."

"*groan* I'm not kidnappin' her."

"Why not? It's a tried and true family method."

"Because she's already here!"

"Is it Lynsie?"

Roy blushes.

"...Maybe."

"Daww..."

Roy gets all flustered and stomps in annoyance much to his father's enjoyment.

"Cut it out!"

"But I'm so proud."

That takes Roy by surprise.

"Ya...You are?"

"Of course! I was starting to wonder if any of you lot were ever going to look for relationships."

"Pop!"

"I guess this means I have to teach you all about the birds and the bees."

"Oh my god! Pop, just so much nope!"

"Yeah, you're right. Right now I have to ask your crush on a date."

"Wait, what?!"

The chamber door opens, rendering them silent as the sleepy girl looks at them with a wry expression.

"*yawns* Can you two keep it down? You're gonna wake up Jr.."

"Mama..."

The tired child's voice makes me slap my face.

"*groans* Great, thanks a lot."

"Lynsie, so glad I found you. There's something I need to..."

"Sweetheart! Here, these are for you."

Roy cuts Bowser off and shoves a small box at me.

"Oh, thank you, Roy. I love chocolates."

"H-How do you know...?"

"Wendy told me. I'll save these for later though. Maybe have a few before bed to have sweet dreams."

I take the box and places it on Jr.'s desk.

"Mama!"

"Hold on a minute sweetie. I'm talking with Roy and Papa."

"Tell him to stop being creepy with you!"

"Shut it, squirt! I'm not creepy!"

"QUIET!"

Roars Bowser so that everyone may shut up.

"*ahem* Now, as I was saying before being rudely interrupted. Lynsie, you recall Peach's party coming up, yes?"

"Of course, my King."

"Well...How would you like to accompany me?"

I'm confused and rightly so. Roy is sour, flexing his claws into fists and trying not to glare at his old man. Jr. is also puzzled but the idea of his father and I getting closer helps his plans for a proper family.

"While I'm not saying no, can I at least ask why?"

"I'd like to know that too, pop."

Roy isn't good at hiding the growl that rumbles his voice, but Bowser ignores it. The King maintains a look of glee and innocence. Jr. has his own ideas.

"Because they're going on a date like Mamas and Papas should."

Jr. states proudly and that floors the lot of us.

"It's not like that! And we've talked about this already son. *cough* The reason I'm asking is that its part of my ingenious plan."

Down the rabbit hole we go on this.

"Go on?"

"See, you can be my buffer."

"Your buffer?"

"You'll keep everyone's attention off me while I make myself look good for Peach. You understand, right?"

I ponder this.

"Yeah, I can see that. You show up with a random girl that they don't know. I'd be totally curious if I were them."

"Then you agree to come with me?"

"If it helps my King than I am at your aid."

"Wonderful! Then you'll have to see the tailor and be fitted for your dress."

Did I just hear glass shatter?

"A what?"

"A dress. Remember, formal attire is required and you can't go in what you're wearing now."

My brain dies.

"B-B-B-But..."

"Hmmm...Sweet cheeks in a dress? *chuckles* Not a bad picture."

"B-B-B-But..."

"Come along, silly girl, there's no time to waste."

Bowser picks me up and hurls me over his shoulder before walking away.

"Papa wait! Mama's suppose to teach me how to beat my game."

"No worries son. I'll return her after she's done helping me."

The boys watch the King leave with the shocked girl and Roy is none too happy, while Jr. rubs salt in his wounds.

"See? Papa carries Mama Lynn like he does Mama Peach. They're a couple."

"Squirt...Shut your trap. The old man ain't interested in her. He wants Peach. Sweetheart is mine. You hear me? Mine!"

"Nuh-uh! Mama is mine and Papa's! They're going to get married."

"Oh, you are so in for it now!"

Thus a chase began of Roy after Jr..

[Meanwhile in a private chamber]

"Miss, I beg of you, please hold still."

"Then get that measuring tape off my butt before I shove it up yours!"

I snarl at the Dry Bones tailor and Bowser can't stop his snickering.

"I probably should've mentioned she's quite the spitfire."

"That would've been helpful, yes. But it's not like it bothers me. I am dead after all, it's not like she can hurt me. Now please, miss, I need you to hold still or the entire gown will be off and we'll have to start over."

"And I said bite me!"

Bowser coughs to get my attention.

"As much as I enjoy your fiery spirit, you will let him do his job. Or I'll turn you to stone and make you hold still. Your choice."

I hate losing. I hate that he can win against me so freaking easily!

"*growls* Fine!"

I reluctantly pose as needed but I am far from happy and the tailor gets to work while Bowser watches.

"I know it's annoying, but be lucky you don't have to get your measurements in your underwear."

"Huh?"

"His Majesty had to remove his shell. No way would a suit could be made with it on or survive on that thing."

Makes sense. It's like a partial wrecking ball with spikes.

"So what style are we going for on this?"

"Whatever doesn't make me look like a dork."

"Well...You're just a charming thing, aren't you."

I glare daggers at the undead Koopa.

"Something fancy. Maybe like Peach or Daisy's dress but with Koopa style. We do want her to draw attention and make it clear she's with me."

"I think her attitude will do that for her, sir."

"Dude, I am this close to kicking you into the wall."

"Go ahead. I'll crumble but pop right back up."

I am not a happy camper.

"Now give me a deep breath and hold it. I have to measure your bust size."

I blush and turn away from Bowser's sight.

"Hey!"

"Don't perv out on me. I get enough of that with the Koopalings. Besides, you're into Peach remember."

"Who do you think I've been thinking of while watching you?"

Did he just...He really said that? Does he not see how pissed I am? I should hit him. I should go over there and smack the smug right off his mug!

"...Well, now I'm definitely not turning back."

But that would be incredibly stupid and I don't need that hassle right now.

"Breathe please."

I inhale deeply and hold it.

"Hmmm...You're bigger than I guessed."

"*blush* The heck does that mean?!"

I snap, with a swift right hook, the tailor is sent speeding into the wall and he shatters harshly, sending bones scattering across the room. I'd probably feel guilty about it if I didn't know about Dry's having regenerative abilities. Bowser himself is shocked that I actually attacked, even if it was on impulsive instinct. But it's only moments later that the bones rattle on their own before being drawn to the shell and reassembling into the Dry form.

"So...*crack* Feel better now, miss?"

"...I guess."

"Good. Because I wasn't done."

I hate this. Bowser is laughing at me which has me all flustered and it makes it harder to hold my breath till the tailor's done writing the numbers.

"You can breathe now."

I slowly exhale shakily and try to calm down.

"Are we done yet?"

"Almost. I just need your height and shoulder to hem numbers."

"*sigh* The annoying crud girls do to look pretty is super dumb."

"Are you really not liking this?"

"Gee, what was your first clue?"

"She's obliviously a tomboy, Sire. I've dealt with plenty in my work to know that this is as low on her enjoyment scale as it can get."

"Thank you!"

"Well, you only have to wear it once and that's it. So suck it up and take it like a big girl."

"*groans* But I don't wanna."

"Heh...You big baby."

"All done."

"Finally!"

"You do realize this is only the first part?"

"Dead turtle say what?"

"Now that I have your numbers, I can make the rough body. From there you'll need to wear it as I make proper adjustments to ensure a perfect fit. After that, the rest is on me to add details."

"You mean I have to do this again?!"

"And for way longer. Why else do you think you haven't seen me around much lately?"

My eye twitches and I want to scream.

"Okay drama queen, come here. I'll take you back to Jr. and you can be all happy again."

My eyes shine with hope and Bowser chuckles as he leads me away.

"You really didn't like that, huh?"

"I would prefer being chased by a Spike Bass in ice water than do any more of this."

"Yep, I was right. You are nothing like Peach."

"I still take that as a compliment."

"Maybe that's why Roy likes you so much."

"He isn't the only one."

"Really?"

"I get the feeling Ludwig might see me in the same light as Roy. Morton and Iggy as well. Not quite sure about Larry and Lemmy. Or Jr. for that matter, but he'll probably always see me as Mama."

"*scoff* Not likely. Once I get Peach, she'll be his mother. You can either go back to wherever you came from or keep working here. I know he's become attached to you. Be a shame to break his heart."

I roll my eyes.

"Whatever you say, big guy."

"No, I mean it."

My fuse is lit.

"I get it."

"I don't think you do."

It's almost gone.

"Please don't start this, I'm so not in the mood."

"Look here little missy..."

I explode.

"No! You look. I get it! I'm a temporary means to a more appealing end. I'm a tool you're using till you can acquire the real thing you want. So lay off the whole 'I don't need you here' garbage. I just want to enjoy my time here till whatever fate happens by month's end. So, please...Don't make me dislike you by picking at this sore I know is there but am letting it alone."

His mouth is open but he's speechless. I'm all fired up yet trying to keep my cool. I figure the best thing I can do in this moment is to leave before anything else is said that can make it all so much worse. So I just walk away.

"H-Hey! Wait for a second!"

I know I'm going to regret this, but I stop.

"What?"

"You...You like me?"

I feel a lump in my throat, so I turn my head and nod to show him I mean yes.

"Really?"

I nod again before continuing on and leaving him to his thoughts on what just happened. Lord knows I need to be alone with mine right now. I wander aimlessly, just avoiding others and cooling down. I snapped at him. Bowser, King of the Koopas, and I yelled at him. How did I do that and was able to simply walk away unharmed? It boggles my mind.

"Lynn lady!"

Morton calls as he comes up behind me. Maybe he can cheer me up.

"Oh. Hi, Morton."

"Can lady spend time with Morton for a while?"

I probably shouldn't, what if Jr. needs me? Then again...

"Sure sweetie."

He's so happy, that smile he has warms my heart. He picks me up bridal style, which surprises the hell out of me, and flees down a hall then another hall till we make it into his room.

"Thank you, Lynn lady. Morton was hoping to see you today."

He puts me down and I straighten up while he shuts the door.

"Awww...What's the matter, Morton?"

"Morton need cuddles."

I smile and open my arms to the boy.

"Then come here, big guy. I'll give you all the cuddles you need."

He tackles me into a large mound of pillows and snuggles as close as he can to me, making me giggle.

"*giggles* You are just too cute!"

"*snickers* Lynn lady, can Morton tell you a secret?"

"Sure sweetie. No secret ever leaves me once these lips are sealed."

He nuzzles his way to my ear.

"The secret is...I can speak perfectly fine."

I smirk and nuzzle him back.

"I had a feeling you were putting on an act."

"You could tell?"

"You're a smart boy, Morton. And it's very clever to hide your intelligence. It makes others underestimate you and makes them vulnerable to when you unleash your true self."

"Exactly. You are a clever girl to pick that up."

"I like to think I'm smart."

"That you are. Not to mention, you're perfectly soft and cuddly."

He nuzzles heatedly into my neck, his fangs skimming along the sensitive parts of my skin and it has me in a laughing fit, much to his interest.

"Ticklish?"

"*giggles* Just a little bit."

"Then I'm going to do it again."

"No don't...*laughs* Morton...*giggles* No fair...*chortles* Cut it out...*chuckles*"

"And stop hearing that pretty laugh? Not a chance."

He continues this tickle attack all while making himself very comfortable on me. I'm just laying on my back as he lies beside me. Then he begins to pull part of his body on top of mine. It's not till he's finally relented his fun that I find him resting his head on my shoulder and laying on my chest while interlocking our legs for maximum cuddliness.

"Uh...Morton?"

"Hmmm?"

"This is, uh...rather...intimate, don't you think?"

He looks at me funny.

"What is 'intimate'?"

Oh my lord...Is he really this smart but doesn't know about adult stuff?

"Morton...How old are you?"

"Twenty-seven. But really, what does it mean? Does it mean you're uncomfortable?"

I'm going to have to tell Bowser about this, he needs to talk to his boys.

"Just a little."

"Should I move?"

"Tell you what, how about you lay down and I cuddle you. Sound good?"

"Okay."

He scoots off me and props himself in a lounging position before I lay across his lap, to which he pets my head, making me purr.

"Did you equip a Super Bell or can all Humans be kitties naturally?"

"*giggle* I'm just an oddball, dear. I learned to purr from cats and I like to do it when happy."

"And I make you happy?"

"Yeah. You all do."

He smiles and continues petting me. Slowly I feel like sleeping, still a little tired from the very short nap that was interrupted and I yawn.

"Sleepy kitty?"

"Meow."

"Kitty want to take a cat nap?"

"Mew."

"Heheh...So cute. Rest easy little kitty."

I shake my head and stretch.

"Can't. Gotta get back to Jr. soon."

This has him pouting.

"But you're with Jr. all the time. Can't you just stay with me today?"

"As much as it sounds nice to do so, I have my job to do."

"He's a big boy. He can take care of himself."

"To a point. He's not like you Koopalings. He hasn't gotten to that 'can take care of myself' stage."

I make to get off him and the pillow pile, but he stops me by holding my arm.

"Morton?"

"Please don't go."

"Morton, let go."

"You don't have to go."

Why does he seem so desperate? This must be handled carefully.

"Sweetie, I'm not leaving you. I am just going to a different room in the castle. If you like, you can come with me."

"No! You stay here with Morton!"

He's getting aggravated, like a kid being told to go to their room, so much so his speech is reverting to his usual simplicity.

"Dear, I'm only going to request this one last time. Please let go."

"Morton said no! Morton will keep Lynn lady here! Morton will make you stay!"

He pulls me off the pillows and I'm on guard for the moment I aim to bolt away. He goes to a chest, I don't pay attention to the contents for I'm too focused on feeling the grip of his hand, but I hear many things rattle around and I can think of a few things he could be looking for, like his red magic wand.

"Found it! With this, you will stay with Morton."

"Morton, I mean it. Let go of me or else."

"Huh? Or else what?"

"No more cuddles."

He actually looks hurt.

"But...Morton likes cuddles."

"I like them too. But you can't have anymore if you don't behave."

Dear God, I'm talking to this twenty-seven-year-old guy like he's freaking five.

"But...But..."

"No buts. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

His pout becomes a snarl.

"No deal! You stay! Morton will make you stay! Morton will have cuddles!"

"*growl* Let go. Now."

"You will be with Morton! Even if Morton have to make you into a doll."

I don't know what he means by that and I don't intend to find out.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

I yank my arm in his grip, pulling him close enough till he's in range before biting his hand. This makes him roar out, but not in pain as I could never hurt such thick scales. No, this was a shocked roar that maybe he did expect some pain. Yet as he roars, I rip from his grip and run to the door, knowing he won't be stunned for very long...and I'm right.

No sooner than I fling his chamber door open that he regains his composure, casting a spell as I enter the hall and I just barely miss it thanks to tripping over my own foot. I sprint as he casts a second shot, missing that one too. But luck lasts only so long and I forget the first rule of what to do when being shot at...never move in a straight line. The third blast hits my back and I fall to the cold stone floor. I'm not hurt, oh no. It's much worse than that. My body is completely paralyzed.

"Morton told you..."

His footsteps are eerie in the slowness of his approach.

"Morton will make you stay. You will be with Morton. Even if Morton have to make you into a doll. And now..."

He stomps his last step by my face. I'd flinch if I had the ability to do so.

"Now you are a doll. Morton's cuddle doll."

For the love of all that is, please let me still be able to speak!

"M-Morton..."

"Hmmm? Dolly speaks? But dolly's don't talk."

"Please...Don't do this."

"Dolly needs to be good. Or Morton will punish dolly."

Okay, this is bad. This is beyond my control. Last resort time! I need help! Calling reinforcements!

"*scream*"

I aim to have any and all hear my cry, yet for the pitch to also hurt him by being so close. This stuns him for a bit. Seems that's a thing about him I need to remember. But sure enough, he shakes it off and is not pleased.

"Naughty dolly. Now Morton will punish."

He grabs my shirt collar and proceeds to drag me back to his room. Dread fills me to the very core.

"Morton!"

"Huh?"

A large ball suddenly smacks Morton in the face and he's sent flying.

"Mom lady!"

"Are you okay?"

I can't see them, due to my face being straight into the floor, but I know the voices.

"Larry, Lemmy, take me to Kammy or Kamek."

"What's wrong?"

"What did he do to you?"

"He used a spell and now I can't move."

"Understood. You take the legs and I'll get the arms."

"Rodger."

"I'm not Rodger, I'm Lemmy."

"Boys, while that's a really cute comedy bit you're doing, please hurry before Morton recovers."

They agree to that. Morton is not to be encountered when angered. The quickly take hold of my limbs and make a run for it. The sounds of a disgruntled Morton echo in the halls. I know he was probably lonely and only wanted to have my company, but the whole hostage doll thing...oh wait...I bet he learned that from Bowser. I should've figured some of them would take his traits to the extremes.

Lucky for me the boys are a fast pair. We are far from Morton and I hope he'll come to his senses soon. Lemmy and Larry are quick to locate Kammy, Kamek is always working on something so Kammy is easier to find. The old crone seems to be amused by my misfortune but willing to help. After all, if I can't watch Jr., she will, and that's something she doesn't want to do. So with a wave of her wand, my mobility is restored and I feel more flexible, rejuvenated even. This kind of magic I like a lot.

"Thanks, Kammy. *stretch* I feel as spry as I did when I was a kid."

"Really? Hmmm...Maybe I should use that spell on myself. *pause for thought* ...Nah! Why mess with something that isn't broken. Besides, even at my age, I'm still shaking what my momma gave me!"

The boys gag and I usher them out before Kammy goes into a long and seemingly endless rant about respecting her. Now with the boys joining me, Larry rides on my shoulders as I cradle Lemmy in my arms while I head for Jr.'s room. Once there, Jr. latches onto me and refuses to let me out of his sight. Though I can understand why, about 50% of the time I'm not with Jr., something sort of bad happens. The poor boy worries about his substitute Mama. Though he doesn't seem to mind the two tagalongs that came with me, that's good. The more the merrier.

"Sweetie, where are the chocolates Roy gave me? I don't see them."

"Uh..."

"Jr., did you eat them?"

"Uh..."

"Busted!"

"Oooh, you're in trouble!"

Jr. looks guilty but I merely pat his head.

"Were they at least tasty?"

"...They were okay. Are you mad Mama?"

"No. But that's your last freebie. Next time, you have to ask me before you take something that's mine."

"Okay, Mama. I will."

Larry and Lemmy are not pleased.

"No fair."

"Yeah."

"What do you two mean?"

"Jr. gets away with everything."

"He never gets in trouble because he's King Dad's real kid."

I clap my hands harshly, making my palms red and sting painfully, but it does get their attention.

"Now that kind of talk is unacceptable. You know Bowser cares about all of you. He sees you all as his children. Look at everything he's done for you. Do you really think you'd have this same life if you weren't his kids?"

"N-No..."

"But..."

"No buts. You know I'm right. Sure, you're not his legitimate kids. But does that really matter? You are his children, nothing can change that. Jr. is your little brother and doesn't know all the things you might. It's the job of the big kids to help make sure little bro here learns all he needs to know and grows up to be the best Koopa he can be. Just like it's Jr.'s job to help his siblings when needed and to be respectful towards you too. It's like a circle. It's all fine and dandy until it's broken. Now, do you understand?"

"I guess so."

"We're sorry Mom lady."

"It's okay boys, I understand. I'm a middle child myself. I know all too well how it seems that the youngest gets the better deals with the parents. But that's why we earn our rewards. We're now old enough and capable enough to do things ourselves. It makes it all the sweeter when the parent sees this and is proud. So my dear Koopalings, take pride in the fortune you have. And Jr., enjoy these easy times while you have them. Because you never know when they'll stop."

"Okay, Mama."

"Now come here, boys. Give me huggles."

They come at me like puppies and I give them all the loving snuggles.

"Oooooh! You Koopas are so adorable! Have you ever tried taking over kingdoms with your powerful cuteness?"

"Mama!"

"We aren't cute."

"The Princesses don't think we're cute."

I mentally glare at thoughts of Peach. She better not have ever hurt these kids or their feelings.

"Well, that's because the Princesses are dumb and can't see past their fancy entitlement to know a good thing when it's in front of their nose. But not me. *nuzzles them* I see you. And what I see is super cute."

They giggle at my affectionate actions and the four of us stick together for the remainder of the day, even after dinner time. The boys become a bit of a handful when bedtime comes, but lullabies fix that. Honestly, I could get used to this. Snuggling turtle-like beings and enjoying some peace. Yeah, I like it.

[Meanwhile: Bowser's chamber]

The King of Koopas finds sleep eluding him this night. His mind plagued with questioning and confusing thoughts. His normal mental images of Princess Peach are being ruined. She's not the only girl in his fantasies. And it's not like those crazy nights where he drank too much champagne after winning go-kart races where he thought of Daisy being with Peach, though that was kind of hot, maybe add Rosalina into the mix or even Princess Eclair, too bad that Princess Shokora is dead, now she was a looker, heck even that Pauline girl showed up in his saucy dreams a time or two. No...These images do not include those girls and his Peach. It is the spitfire that haunts the corners of his mind this night.

"Argh! Why? Why did she say that? *groans* She likes me? How could she say that? Why does she like me? No one likes me!"

He claws at pillows and shreds a few in his confused frustration.

"Okay...So she likes me. Big whoop! It doesn't matter. She probably means she likes me like she likes the kids. Yeah, that's it. There's no reason to waste even a moment more thinking about it. She's just a girl. Being nice is what they do. After all, they're made of sugar and spice and everything nice. That's why she's kind. That's why she's respectful. That's why she's helpful. That's why she cares. That's why she smells good. That's why her smile is so warm. That's why the kids like her. That's why I..."

He killed the words before they could form on his tongue.

"*scoff* Darn girl. Messing with me like this. Screwing with my head. Gotta get my thoughts straight. I can't lose my focus. Must keep my eye on the prize...My sweet Peachy~. Gwah ha ha ha!"

Shoving the messed up pillows under the still good ones, the mighty King settles down again and once more attempts slumber. This time concentrating with all his might on Peach, forcing out all other distractions. Yeah, maybe now he can resume that one dream he'd only get so far in. Their big wedding.

It always starts the same, he takes Peach, Mario and Green 'Stache show up, as usual, to get her back, blah-blah-blah. But this time, they lose to the obviously more epically powerful and much more handsome Koopa King. Peach would then run out to him before professing her undying love to him and only him. Cut to them standing before an ordained minister and pledging their endless devotion to one another in the most sweetly sickening of ways. The rings are shared, the "I do"s said, all that's left is to kiss the blushing bride and seal the deal with a smooch on those perfect pink pillowy lips. He lifts the veil, puckers up, leans in for what is to be the greatest moment in his entire life and...then wakes up to not kissing Peach.

But surely that will soon change, both in his dreams and in real life. Peach will be his. No doubt about it. After all, he's the guy that can never be described as a quitter, for every failed attempt to hold Peach captive, he has five more schemes up his sizable non-existent sleeves. He is 100% prime-cut final boss!

Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.