Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
{A fair and lovely princess...A furious monster king...The union of these two will call forth the Chaos Heart, the consumer of worlds. And the Chaos Heart will ravage the sky, and so bring forth The Void. The Void will swallow all...Naught can stop it...unless the one protected by the dark power is destroyed. The hero with the power of the eight Pure Hearts will rise to this task. Though the man in red shall wield formidable powers, one shall stand against him. The man in green shall use the Chaos Heart's power to bring darkness to all.
The red man of mustache is courageous and true. His heart is filled with virtue and concern for his brother. Though he should watch his diet, however, for it is also filled with much alfredo sauce. He should especially cut down carbonara, though it will be hard for that is tasty. If he were to curb his appetite, do some light cardio work, and continue toward his brow, he will no doubt grow to be a figure of immense popularity, yet not grow an immense belly.
Now, the green man of mustache...is questionable. His heart is muddled with certain questionable things. Though he possesses a large heart which makes him timid and cautious, he is kindhearted, brave, and willing to protect those he cares about. Yet there is more to this soul, a shadow lurks within. His head is like a gemstone; multi-faceted and beautiful. It sparkles but there are places that need polishing. What is that which he craves more of? The secrets of the heart are held inside him. An odd incident perhaps? Or maybe something else entirely. Who's to really say.
But a heart of chaos can only be beaten by four of mystery...Four heroes unite, their hope burns forth light to shatter the walls of blight. That is how despair, it dies, such is what we prophesize here in the home of the wise. One Pure Heart shall lead the way to the next...Only those who have not abandoned hope can turn back the prophecy of doom. They walk forward into the future, no matter how dark and uncertain it may be. Nothing is ever decided entirely by fate, you know... All things determine their own destinies. Just as farewells are bittersweet...as long as you live, you can never escape them. To feel sadness is to live...but as long as you are alive, the future is a blank page.}
My eyes shoot open from my weird sleep with a groan. I need to remind myself to ease off reading those Mario Storybooks, they keep haunting my dreams. At least this one wasn't weird. Last time I had a weird dream it was after binge reading the five books that make up the Super Luigi series. The books tell the story of Luigi's adventures in the Waffle Kingdom and quest to save Princess Eclair. The man in green, ha, was tailed by an author who recorded the events of the journey. God, now that made for a super weird dream, it played out as written until the end where I was Princess Eclair and Luigi was my 'hero' who got a kiss for saving me. Ugh! So gross! I mean, Luigi is okay, but so not my type.
Wait...crazy thoughts aside, do I hear...Music?
Sitting up, I notice I'm in a room I don't recognize and Ludwig is in the corner playing on what appears to be a portable pipe organ. Huh...That explains the dream having background music. How long has he and I been here? Why am I here anyway? Oh no...Is this another thing like what happened with Morton?!
"Ah, she sleeps no more..."
I flinch at his voice even though he's still facing the organ and playing it.
"Was your rest a pleasant one milady?"
Best handle this as careful as possible yet remain normal.
"It was...okay. Thank you for the music."
"My pleasure. After all, it is a known fact that flowers bloom more beautifully to music."
Wow, that was about as transparent as the glass of a greenhouse. Puns, quips, jokes!
"May I ask you something?"
"To be fair, you just did."
"Funny. But what exactly is going on?"
He turns his head to look at me but keeps playing as he knows the keys by heart.
"Do you not remember? You fainted in the garden. King Dad brought you back inside and here you have stayed for quite some time."
Oh yeah...Well, that's embarrassing. But hang on for a second...
"Not to sound ungrateful, I do enjoy your company, Ludwig..."
"And I you milady."
"But I find it a tad odd that Jr. or Roy are not here."
That makes him smirk.
"You've noticed? Yes, my brother has taken quite the liking to you. But as you may also be aware of, he can be rather, oh what's the word...Unrefined. And what kind of gentleman would I be if I were to let someone like that into the private chamber of a defenseless slumbering maiden?"
This mannerful way of speaking is contagious.
"I do thank thee, oh noble sir. Thou hath been most kind. How did you sway his attention elsewhere?"
"Heh...My dear, you need not coat your tongue in silver. I enjoy your words all the same."
"Understood dude."
"Cute. As for Roy...He, much as the rest of us, were distraught at first. Lord Bowser did not word things well, so we thought it was worse than it really was."
"That had to be funny."
"Indeed it was. But to ease things for you, since Roy, Jr. and for some reason, Morton, were very eager to get to you, I suggested a little fetch quest to give you some time."
"A fetch quest? Very clever dear. What are they hunting for?"
"Something that is very rare. An albino piranha plant."
"Oooooh...Pretty."
He chuckles a bit and stops playing before scooting over a little on his seat.
"Come milady. Join me."
"I must admit, I have no training in tickling the ivories."
"Heheh...It's fine. I am sure we shall make great music together none the less."
How can I say no to someone willing to join me in making bad jokes? I take a moment to stretch then go over and sit beside him.
"So, Conductor of Chaos...What's the plan? Because I'm assuming this is you getting that one on one time you wanted when we first met."
"Indeed, you'd be correct my flower. After all, it is most unfair that Jr. gets to have you all to himself."
"Well, it is my job to be with him at all times."
"Then it just makes this time we have to ourselves all the sweeter."
It's a bit odd, his approach to this. Roy is more upfront and flirtatious. Morton is sweet but possessive at the drop of a hat type fashion. Yet, Ludwig, he's something else I'm not sure of. But it's nice at least.
"I hear you'll be accompanying Lord Bowser to Peach's party."
"I am."
"Are you nervous?"
"About what?"
"Interacting with Peach and the others. They can be like sharks. Very bloodthirsty when they want to be and you're fresh meat."
"Really now?"
"Peach herself can be quite venomous. Don't let her fool you."
"Don't take me lightly my fine friend. I am not one to be pushed so easily. I will not hesitate to push back. If they try something, I will defend myself...So long as Bowser gives me the okay that is. I can't risk ruining his chances of succeeding...Even if I don't approve of this whole thing."
"A brave flower you are, milady."
"You call doing what you're told bravery?"
"It is an order, yes. But you have your own motives, don't you?"
I scoff.
"Oh yes. I totally want to go to a party full of people I've never met or really like. All while helping a good guy score with a girl that's not worth licking the ground he walks on. Oh! And I'll be in a freaking dress the whole time. Oh yeah...Really a dream come true for me."
He smirks and I look at him funny.
"What?"
"You called King Dad a 'good guy'. I think that's the first time I've ever heard such words used to describe him."
"Just being honest. Everywhere you look, he's the bad guy. But it's not like that. Well...Not completely at least."
"Yeah. That's King Dad alright."
"So why the sudden interest in all this?"
"I have been tasked with composing music for the 'happy couple' upon your return."
"Ah, and it helps the creative juices to flow while in the company of your muse~."
He blushes at that and now I can confirm what Wendy said as true.
"How did you...?"
"Wendy told me."
"*sigh* Figures."
"Is it working though?"
That earns me a look.
"Wait...So you're..."
"Is this your sheet music?"
I point to the paper in front of us and he comes back from his flustered confusion enough to regain his regal composure.
"I may have made a few. But it would be more helpful if I had someone to give me some more...Inspiration."
Cheesy but sweet.
"May I?"
"I insist."
I look at all the keys, letting my hands float over them before pushing a few. Listening, I do it again and again to different keys. Just feeling things out.
"You can work the pedals too. Alter the sounds if you like."
I take that into account, taking my time and playing around with it all.
"Now that's rather naughty of you, milady. You lied to me."
"Huh?"
"You said you weren't trained. Either you are very skilled or you lied about training."
"I swear, I have never been taught. I just feel things out."
He genuinely seems surprised by this.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Freaked me out one time I picked up an accordion and played the first part of 'Here comes the bride'. Did not see that coming."
"Impressive. Let me just..."
He places his hands over mine and it has me blushing while he has me play a few cords.
"Do you know what notes you're playing?"
"Not a clue."
"Oh, my...We have much to go over my flower."
"I'm not that bad."
"You're not bad at all. But if you don't know what you're doing, then how can you hope to improve?"
"Eh...Can't argue with that logic."
"Shall we begin?"
"Maybe some other time."
"Oh? How come?"
"I sense something; a presence I've not felt since..."
"Mama!"
Jr.'s voice rings out like a gong in a cave, making Ludwig sigh while I smile and pat his shoulder.
"Shall we reschedule then?"
That perks him up with hope.
"Of course...I thank you for your time milady."
"And I you, dear."
His smile, so warm and true. Not to mention cute with those fused fangs sticking out in the dead center of his mouth.
"Mama!"
I'm knocked out of my seat, taking Ludwig with us when the seat flips, and Jr. bounces on my back a few times before Roy picks him off me.
"Ease off her, squirt!"
"Sorry."
"Happy to see you too, boys."
Ludwig picks himself up before helping me.
"Thanks."
"Always milady. Now then...If you'll excuse me."
"Take care, dear."
With that, Ludwig takes a bow then leaves. Roy tosses Jr. to the bed and comes over to me all smooth.
"Hey there sugar. So...How you doin'?"
Why do I suddenly feel like I have heard that before on TV?
"I'm good Roy. You okay Jr.?"
The young Prince merely glares at Roy before coming over to me and requesting hugs, which I happily give. Picking him up and holding him to my chest much to Roy's annoyance.
"You worried me, Mama."
"I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to."
"You ain't sick or anythin', right sugar?"
"No, sweeties. I just got a little lightheaded and fainted like the huge dork that I am. That's all."
They are relieved but I can't help but notice something.
"Ludwig mentioned that Morton might be with you. Is he around?"
"He is."
"He's just bein' slow. Come on ya slow poke!"
Roy shouts into the hall and the moment I hear the heavy patter of steps on stone my spine shivers.
"Mama? Are you cold?"
"No...Just random shiver dear."
No way I'm saying anything in front of these two. A war would start. I'll deal with this on my own and with Bowser if need be. So when Morton peers his head in, like a kid that's unsure if they're in trouble or not, I get on guard while looking innocent and let him know he can enter the room, but he's not alone. In his mitts is a decent size pot and in this pot is a Bone Piranha Plant. It's not albino, but even better in my opinion. These versions of the plant are skeletal versions of normal Piranha Plants with some changes, such as a grayish cranium, holes rather than spots, greenish blue-gray lips, vertebrae instead of a plant stalk, and dark gray leaves that appear dead.
"Whoa!"
"We figured ya like somethin' cool. And what's cooler than somethin' that is bad to the bone?"
"So cool. Thank you, boys."
With one hand I reach out to the plant. It attempts to bite, which is normal. I flick its skeletal top and it is dazed.
"*indiscernible growls*"
It tilts its head confused and replies back to me.
"*indiscernible growl*"
I nod and attempt petting it, this time it doesn't try to bite, and I get to run my hand over it to feel soft bone much to the dismay of the boys.
"Whoa..."
"Mama can talk to plants?"
"Piranha Plants grow around my house, so I take care of them. After some time, you pick up a few basic words. Isn't that right my new friend?"
The bone plant purrs as I rub under its chin.
"We should root this lovely in the garden. It'll live longer that way."
"Fine. But you're stayin' put. Can't have ya blackin' out on us."
"*sigh* Okay, Roy. Jr. sweetie, can you pick a good spot for it?"
"Yeah! You can count on me, Mama."
"No way. I'll pick the perfect spot.
"Nuh-uh. Mama will love where I plant it."
I can't help but laugh at them as I put Jr. down. Jr. then takes the plant from Morton and bolts from the room with Roy following him soon after...leaving Morton in the room with me and making me feel nervous.
"Lynn lady..."
He takes a step towards me but stops when I move back and he pouts.
"Please don't be scared. Morton just..."
He bites his lip then sadly looks at the floor.
"I'm sorry."
Do I believe him? Should I? He sounds honest, but...The Royal Koopa line are masters of deception. That is what Bowser told me and he has yet to tell me a lie. Funny now that I think about it. They are masters of the dark arts, wicked deceptive souls, relentless greedy turtles that only seek to fulfill their evil desires, and yet...They have never once uttered a single lie to me. They are many things, but as I have come to learn, they are far from being so black&white. So...
"Morton want a hug?"
He looks up at me in confused shock.
"R-Really?"
I open my arms to him, all be it a tad hesitantly, and he waits a minute or two to see if this is real before pouncing on me. Making me giggle as he assaults my cheeks with nuzzles and kisses.
"Thank you! Oh, thank you so much! Morton was so worried that you hated Morton."
I'm starting to understand more about his speech. He says he can talk normal under his own will. While this seems correct to a point, his emotions play a huge factor and can overrule his control, thus reverting him to a dumb down simplicity in his speech. Poor boy. Poor adorable yet sometimes scary as heck but just wants some love boy. I smile and give the back of his head some light petting.
"I don't hate you, dear. You just scared me last we met."
"Morton is sorry. Morton is ashamed at Morton's behavior. Morton promises it won't happen again."
"I want to believe you."
"Believe Morton! Please believe Morton! Morton is not lying! Morton swears!"
"...Only on one condition."
"Anything!"
That desperation will be your downfall one day, you poor boy. Lucky for you, I will never tell a soul.
"You have to tell Bowser what happened."
He pales.
"S-Seriously?"
I nod and he fumbles back.
"B-B-But..."
A stern look from me and he quivers.
"But...He might get mad."
"Well, what sounds worse to you, if you tell him now and show him you're taking responsibility or if he finds out later without explanation?"
"...Not telling him."
"So what should we do then?"
"...Tell him."
"Good boy."
"B-But do we have to tell him now?"
I guess I can toss him a freebie this one time.
"I suppose we can hold off telling him right away."
"We can?"
Such hopeful eyes. They get to me.
"Yes, we can."
He becomes giddy and attempts to embrace me but I block him with a finger to his snout.
"But...You will tell Bowser in the next forty-eight hours, or any future cuddling will be canceled. Understood?"
"Not the cuddles!"
"Then we have a deal, yes?"
"Yes! Morton will tell! Just don't take the cuddles away!"
"Sweetie, calm down..."
I take hold of his hands.
"Just keep your promise and everything will be fine. I promise."
He smiles and presses his forehead to mine.
"You're too nice to me, Lynn lady."
"I was always taught to treat others the way I wanted to be treated."
He snickers as our noses rub in Eskimo kisses and I giggle at his cuteness.
"Well don't you two look cute..."
Surprisingly, the Dry Bones tailor stands in the doorway.
"And here I thought it was just Roy that was seeking out your favor."
Morton snarls a bit at the undead Koopa but a small nuzzle to his cheek stops that bomb from going off.
"Morton is my good buddy. As are the others. But I doubt that is why you've wandered away from your work, am I right?"
He nods.
"There was one thing I forgot to get measurements for."
"And that is?"
"Your shoe size. You can't go to a formal party in sneakers."
Oh great.
"I'm not wearing heels."
"I didn't say you had to. But Peach and her friends on the tall side, and you strike me as the kind of girl that doesn't like to be looked down on."
"I don't mind it if it's from someone I respect, like King Bowser. He is both super big and super worthy of my respect."
"Yeah! Morton agrees."
"But those girls...As much as I hate it, I won't stoop to faking anything just to be on their level."
"I see."
He approaches and looks me top to bottom.
"Hmmm...I think I could fix you up with some formal loafers. Loafers are usually flat and typically thought of as both more masculine and comfortable than anything with a heel. That sound like more your style?"
"...I'd be mad if that wasn't true."
"Good. What's your size?"
I blush and avert my gaze.
"*mumbles*"
"Come again?"
"...Take the darn shoe. I'm not saying it out loud."
"I'm sure it's not that bad."
I slide the sneaker off and he measures my foot before his sockets widen.
"Don't you dare say it."
"Hmmm...You're bigger than I guessed."
Once more, I assault the undead tailor and kick him out of the room. Shattering him against the hallway wall much to Morton's surprise.
"Uh...Lynn lady mad?"
"Lynn lady wants to take a nap to forget this just happened."
"But you just woke up?"
"*sigh* Fine. No nap. But I want to go before he reforms."
Morton doesn't question this or my attack. He merely takes hold of my hand and walks me away before the tailor reassembles. Morton's hold is firm yet gentle as we walk the halls, no words are spoken, he's unsure if it's safe to speak or what words might trigger another random attack like I did to the tailor. Of course I won't strike Morton, but he doesn't know that and now he has a couple of examples of me snapping. I guess him calling me kitty was more true than cute because this kitty has very sharp claws.
"So..."
He looks at me.
"Sorry about back there. I didn't mean to spook you."
"It's okay. You didn't scare Morton."
"I'd understand if you were."
"Nope. Nothing scare Morton. Morton is fearless!"
I smirk.
"Hey, isn't that fire flower?"
His grip tightens as his eyes widen before running.
"Dahhhhhhhhhh!"
He screams, all while dragging me behind him and barely able to keep pace.
"Morton stop! You're going too fast!"
He can't seem to hear me over his own voice. If he keeps going I'll be dragged along the stone. I have to get his attention or off the ground, no way I can slip out of vice-like grip. With no idea if this will work, I use what little stamina I got left to speed at his side before leaping at him and he is caught off guard. While effective, my leap is more of a sloppy glomp which results in knocking him off his feet and grabbing at me as he falls to his side before flipping to spin on his spiked back till we hit one of the random Bowser statues.
"*groans*"
"*slurred* Did I always have eight fingers on one hand?"
I haven't been this dizzy in a long time.
"You okay Lynn lady?"
"I think so."
"Wow. That looked like it hurt."
In our haze we barely make out the figure of Kamek hovering nearby and cleaning his glasses.
"You two lose any of your marbles?"
"Morton doesn't have any marbles?"
"That answers part one of the question."
My shoe is sent hurtling towards the Magikoopa, but due to dizziness, it misses pathetically.
"And that answers the other part."
"What do you want Kamek?"
I ask while trying to pick myself off Morton with the help of the statue, but he refuses to let go. So instead I'm pulling him up with me.
"If you must know, I was on my way to see if you were awake. And as it appears, you clearly are."
"Hooray! Your glasses work."
"*sigh* Sarcasm is unbecoming of you."
Morton blows a raspberry in my defense as we finally return to standing.
"Huh, how charming. Either way, I was sent to see you as the King requests to see you."
"I didn't do it!"
He looks at me funny.
"Do what?"
"Whatever it is that I might be in trouble for."
Kamek slaps his palm to his face.
"Just come with me before I get a headache."
I guess I have to face the music for whatever Bowser has in store for me. Wonder what he wants? Oh god, what if it's about what I said in the garden? I don't remember what I said, but I know I definitely made a complete and total ass out of myself. I deserve whatever the punishment might be for that. Yet when I attempt to move, Morton pulls me back.
"Sweetie?"
"Release the girl, master Morton. This doesn't concern you."
Morton just glares.
"Sweetie, if you let me go I promise that we can have cuddle time later."
His face softens.
"Honest?"
"Yes."
"Pinkie promise?"
He holds up his little claw and I smile.
"Cross my heart and hope to game over."
I wrap my pinkie around his claw and he grins in delight.
"Come on already, girl. I don't have all day."
"Yeah-yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming."
Morton lets me go and I kiss his forehead as a reward for being good before getting my shoe back then leaving with Kamek. Vaguely we can still hear Morton behind us, giddily chuckling to himself and skipping if the pattern of his steps is any indication. Something which Kamek takes notice of.
"So...You seem to really be getting along with the boys huh?"
Why does he have such an insinuating tone?
"I suppose so."
"I guess it's a trait you human females have."
What?
"I beg your pardon?"
"You know. Swaying the hearts of Koopa males. Must be nice to have such power over the royal family and all you have to do is bat your eyes."
"Excuse me?!"
"But you seem like a nice girl. If you were truly after something, you would've done it by now."
"Okay, buddy. You need to stop talking because clearly, you have no idea what you're talking about."
"Then do tell."
I grab the tip his broom and he jerks to a stop harshly.
"W-What do you think you're doing?"
I glare at him out the corner of my eye.
"I don't like your tone or what you're presuming of me...Sir. So let me clarify this now because I am someone who hates to repeat themselves."
With a swift yank of the broom, he's dismounted and snatched by the scruff of his robes in my other hand. I then pin the short wizard to the wall and get in his face, much to his worried shock.
"You know darn well I am not here for any reason other than a random flip of fate's coin. So for you to think I have any motive or am working on some sort of diabolical plot that involves the royals of this house is beyond ridiculous. And if you continue to provoke me by saying more slander of this caliber than you will not like my retaliation, as it will be most unpleasant."
"Oh yeah? You, a powerless girl are threatening me? The hand of the King?"
"You misunderstand me, Kamek. I don't make threats. I make promises. And I never break my promises."
"And what do you think you're going to do to me once I inform Bowser of this? You'll be out of here so fast your head would spin."
"Go ahead. Tell him. Tell him the little spitfire struck fear in his most powerful mage. Yeah, that won't sound humiliating and be totally believable."
He opens his mouth to retort, but whatever the comment was it didn't make it out.
"Yep. That's what I thought. But seriously Kamek, what brought this about? I've done you no wrong. I've been good to the family. What earns me this venom that you so rudely spat my way?"
"I'm doing my job. I will do everything and anything to ensure the safety of my so *cough*...My king and his family. And when it comes to you humans...I'm more cautious than Bowser tends to be."
"Quite understandable. I can't blame you there. So for that, I forgive you."
I put him down on his feet but keep a firm grip on the broom.
"But I too have been assigned a duty by the King. I am to tend to his son and by association the Koopalings. Their happiness equals my own. I would not dream of jeopardizing this. Humans have already plagued the Koopa enough as it is. I see this almost as a short-term ambassadorship. I represent myself and any decent person willing to understand your side of things rather than blindly obeying the will of the Mushroom. So keep that in mind when you see me with the children. I want them happy. All of them. So if I must be friendly, I will. If they want more, I will tread lightly and do so. But if the King wishes more of me for them, I shall obey. For I am but a guest in this home and it would make me a terrible guest to disrespect my humble host who has been more than kind to me. Make sense now, dude?"
He looks at me hard in the eyes. Judging. Gauging. Thinking.
"Fine. I guess I shouldn't have said what I did. I can't let the few bad apples I've encountered represent the whole bunch."
"Thank you. That's all I ask."
"With that all said and done, can I have my broom back now?"
I smirk.
"What? This broom? You want this broom?"
"Yes. I want that broom. My broom."
"I don't know. Do you really think you've earned it?"
"Human, you will return my broom this instant!"
"Say the magic word then."
"Wha...?
"Come on, you know it. The magic word."
"Can you be more specific?"
"Sheesh, it's please. Would it kill you to just say please?"
A little bit of color dusts his cheeks in embarrassment.
"You can be an irritating little insect sometimes, you know that, girl?"
"And you're stubborn as a mule."
"Keh keh keh...Why thank you, my dear. What a lovely compliment."
"But I'm still waiting to hear that magic word, good buddy."
"*sigh* Can you please give me back my broom?"
"Now was that so hard?"
I offer the broom and he snatches it quickly, nuzzling the handle a bit.
"So...Shall we continue to Bowser then?"
Realization pops to his face and he hops onto his wooden steed.
"Right. We mustn't keep the King waiting."
He hovers off and I follow in stride. The seconds ago event having been left in the past as if never happened. Eventually we come to a room and he opens the door for me.
"After you."
"Oh my. Such chivalry."
I enter the room and he shuts it instantly behind me. Not liking this, I check the handles but they refuse to function. I'm locked in.
"Kamek?"
"Sorry girl. I'd love to stick around, but I've got places to be, lives to ruin. You know how it is for us big wigs."
"Kamek, you weasel! What have you done?!"
"Enjoy the makeover, little spitfire. Kee hee hee!"
I hear his laughter fading out as I pound on the doors.
"Kamek! Get back here! When I find you, I'm going to shove that broom up your butt and turn you into a Maigkoopsicle! Do you hear me?! Kamek!"
"Hi there mommy."
Oh, sweet lord...That's Wendy's voice. And didn't Kamek say something about a makeover? I slowly turn around and see she's standing by a very decked out vanity that's load with more makeup than I ever wanted to see in my life.
"H-H-Hey Wendy. How are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm really happy today."
"O-Oh? How come?"
"Because today's the day you fulfill your promise to me. You remember, don't you?"
"Uh..."
"The day you wear makeup is the day you wear a dress. And you'll be wearing a dress when you go to Peach's party with King Daddy."
I regret! I regret everything!
"B-B-But the party isn't today...Is it?"
"Nope. But I was told to practice so you can look your best for the big day."
"W-Who told you to..."
"Kammy."
That's it...I have to thoroughly beat up some pesky Magikoopas when I get out of here.
"Come here mommy dearest. I'm going to make you pretty."
She grabs a curling iron and hairbrush before slowly walking over to me ominously. All I can do is cower and scream 'NO' like I'm about to be slaughtered. Not my best moment or the most dignified, but it's all I got in me. And I'm okay with that.
[Meanwhile: In Bowser's study]
The King of Koopas was at his desk working on his perfect birthday present for his beloved Peach. A highly delicate colored glass sculpture of the fair maiden of his desire. Made completely from the use of his own fire breath and molded by sight using an image of the Princess that is being held up by his dear assistant Kammy. This was painstaking work. His breaths had to be continuous so that the molten glass wouldn't begin hardening. And each fine detail was done with precision by his own claws. Truly, this was going to impress her. This was going to win her over. This will grant him her favorable love. This will...
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
*CRAAASH*
And just like that, the room was filled with doom.
"Kammy..."
"Yes?"
"What was that sound?"
"Which one?"
"The first one."
"I think that was the human. I'm guessing Kamek just brought her to Wendy. She's trying out makeup for the party. You know...To make her look good so as to be a better buffer for you."
"Oh...And the other sound?"
"That...That was the Peach glass."
"..."
"Sire?"
"Kammy..."
"Y-Yes?"
"Remind me to get revenge on Lynsie later."
"What time?"
"Is my four o'clock open?"
"If we remake this and finish without further issue, then yes."
"Good. Now let's try this once more. *mutters* That girl is going to regret waking up and much more."
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.