Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^

The ride returning to the Koopa Kingdom was speedy and precise. No time was wasted in retreating back to home territory. After all, with an abducted Princess on board the carriage and an angry maybe-boyfriend coming to kick shelled butt before taking her back. Now Bowser has no fear of Mario, far from it. In fact, any fear he would have gained in the years of facing the Mario Brothers has been overridden by resentment and a need to prove himself. As one of the Seven Star Children, Bowser knows he is destined for great things. It doesn't help that he opposes four of the other six constantly.

The star children were young children, now adults, that have magical fallen stars that rest in their hearts that grant them extraordinary amounts power since birth. If one were to collect all the stars, then the owner would have enough power that they will be able to rule the entire universe and beyond. The Seven Star Children are Bowser, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Donkey Kong, Wario, and a green Yoshi. Now there are rumors that there are/were more Star Children, but it's pure hearsay and no proof has ever been found. Oddly enough, the Seven Star Children also correspond to the Seven Deadly Sins.

The Seven Star Children correspond to the Seven Deadly Sins. Mario is associated with Pride as he is always in the spotlight and inflated ego. Luigi is associated with Envy as he lives in his brother's shadow and wants to be just like him. Bowser is associated with Wrath as he constantly wars with Mario and others for what he wants. Peach is associated with Lust as she inspires lust in others rather than lusting after anyone. Wario is associated with Greed as his life revolves around the finding and hoarding of vast amounts of treasure. Yoshi is associated with Gluttony as for the obvious reasons of over-consumption and unnecessary eating. And Donkey Kong is associated with Sloth as he is normally very passive/non-active unless something gains his interest and he wants it or if something threatens his banana hoard.

But today was different than all those past times. Today, with the help of his female companion, he was able to claim his long sought-after prize. Again. For this month anyway. To be honest, he kidnaps Peach all year-round except for birthdays/holidays so this isn't too big of a deal in that aspect. What did make this different was his plans on how to handle things during this period of before Mario gets here.

The carriage arrives at grand castle Koopa. It's attending guardsmen approach and is nearly knocked back by the force made by the door swinging open.

"Welcome home, Lord Bowser."

They say in unison.

"Pipe down, you lunkheads. Or do you want to wake the kids?"

"Sir, sorry, sir."

"*groan* Have the preparations been made?"

The lead trooper steps forth and salutes.

"Yes, sir. As per your orders, we made the modifications to the Princess's room. The windows have been barred and seal from the outside. Sensors have been placed to detect motion, heat, and weight. And her door now has reinforced locks."

"Good. Take her there and make sure she doesn't leave. Do not listen to anything she says, unless you hear something from me, don't do anything else. She has no power here."

"Yes, sir!"

The troops enter the carriage then carry out a very displeased and tied up Princess Peach.

"Get your filthy hands off me! Mario will come for me! You will all regret this!"

"Will you shut up already?! God, she's giving me a migraine..."

Lynsie makes her exit of the carriage with a growl while rubbing her temples.

"Damn woman hasn't shut her mouth since she woke up. Now I know why the wicked can get no rest. Because the hostages never shut up."

"Relax, spitfire. You don't have to deal with her anymore. At least, for tonight."

I give Bowser a look.

"What?"

"Did I hear all that correctly? You're actually going to keep the bird in her cage?"

"I may have done some thinking about the things you told me when you first got here. I do give her too much freedom. I mean, how ungrateful of her to steal my items and power-ups then give them to Mario to use against me."

"That's what I was saying!"

"I know! But not this time. That oversized meatball isn't getting help this time."

"Will the children be stationed at the zones as mini-bosses?"

"No."

"Oh?"

"Come. I'll explain along the way."

I do as told and follow my King as we return the castle I have come to look at as a second home.

"The Koopalings will be remaining here. As will Jr.. They will be set up as the mini-bosses of the castle that guard my main chamber."

"Then who's going to be in the zone castles?"

"Old friends."

"See...You say that like I'm supposed to know what you mean, but do recall I've only known you for about a month."

"*sigh* I've pulled some strings and managed to get some strong enemies back to really give that Mario a run for his money. Baddies that would love to get another crack at Mario for times past."

"You've got my attention...May I ask who?"

"In castle one, he'll face the Axem Rangers."

I'm shocked.

"Dude, I thought they died when their ship Blade blew up. Isn't that why Smithy made robot versions?"

"That's what a lot of people thought. Since then, they've gone underground and became henchmen for hire. They cost a fair amount of coin, but worth it."

"And castle two?"

"The Fuzzy Horde and Smorg."

"...Castle three?"

"Wart."

"Really?"

"He owed me a favor."

"Why?"

"That is none of your concern."

I wonder what it was.

"Wow...That's rather ominous. But I won't pry. Castle four?"

"Dunk & Shoot. Wario recommends them."

"Taking a risk with recommended help, aren't you?"

"It's fine. He promised my weight in treasure if they fail, so it's a win either way. Besides, the fifth castle is in the charge of the dragon siblings. Bonetail, Gloomtail, and Hooktail."

"Impressive. The dragon trio are tough and very deadly on their own, but together...Mario's a dead man."

"And if he somehow defeats them, there's no way he's making it past castle six's Golden Diva."

"Golden Diva? Wasn't she killed by Wario? Though to be fair, that old hag was ancient and a sneeze would've probably killed her too."

"You forget something, little spitfire. I am not called Great Demon Sorcerer King Koopa for nothing."

"...Oh my god, you brought her back from the dead didn't you?"

"Yes and no. She's a statue that will come alive if Mario sparks the final bit of the spell keeping her soul set in stone. Which, of course, he has no choice but to do in order to leave the castle."

"Rather brilliant of you, my King."

"I thought so too. It felt good to do some magic again."

"Dare I ask what guards castle seven?"

"A little surprise Jr. made for me...Mecha-Bowser 2.0."

"Awww...That boy never ceases to amaze me."

"That's my boy. A smart and powerful child worthy of the title King someday."

"That he is. Hmmm...Speaking of Jr...I'm a tad surprised he and the others didn't welcome us back."

"It is pretty late. Even my kids have a curfew when I leave the house."

"True."

"They probably fought tooth and nail not to sleep though."

"Just like their father."

"Yep. ...Hey!"

I laugh as he messes my hair up. Not that I mind, it needed to be undone anyway.

"Oh! Did I mention how the castles are void of any items and power-ups he might need to fight?"

"...You sly Koopa, bravo. Now you're really stepping things up and going Hard Mode on his butt."

"It accrued to me that it would be more fun if he had a bit of a challenge. That and it gives us more time to settle back into our lives. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I agree with you most heartily. Okay, so the castles are filled and the children have their posts. Where do I fit in now in this grand scheme of yours, my King?"

"You? You're done."

What?

"Done?"

"Yeah..."

He stops at what I guess is his room and opens the door.

"You're part is done. You can go back to minding the children."

"Oh. ...B-But maybe I can do something else?"

"Like what?"

"I...I don't know. But I know I'm more useful to you than just an accomplice kidnapper."

"Of course you are. You're the caretaker. Now, go take care of the kids by making sure Jr. is sleeping."

I'm speechless as he goes inside and shuts the door. In a short amount of time, I've gone from the most important tool in his box to being something he could easily cast aside. My heart hurts. I want to say something. But I can't find the words for whatever it is my soul wants me to say. All I end up doing is walking away with my head hung low. Guess my work really is done here. Now that he has Peach, who am I to stand by his side and see to his happiness? Not me, nope. I'm just a loyal fool that is only good enough for what he needs and nothing more. I sigh depressingly and flag down a patrolling Koopatrol, I need their help in relocating the dressing room Wendy dolled me up in so I can change. Lucky for me he knows where every room is and is willing to help.

Thanks to their efforts, I change out of the dress that I was sadly starting to like and return to my lowly normal look, though I do keep the shell and spiked bands. For some reason, it just feels right. Seeing my reflection in a passing window as he escorts me to Jr.'s room, Peach's words start playing in my head.

"So she's your new 'gold standard', huh? And not even a princess. I suppose beggars can't be choosers."

Maybe she's right. Not about everything, just this. I know he can do better than her, but I'm no prize either. I'm just a dumb commoner and she's royalty. She holds way more value than I ever can. Even if their marriage is forced, she'll be giving him power over her land and all that it holds. I can't do that. I can't offer him anything. Maybe my collection of books, but that's it. God, why am I even thinking like this? Why do I care what he does? Sure, he's my King and I consider him a dear friend, but I have no say in his love life. Damn it Lynsie, get your head together and do what you can to make him happy even if he doesn't know it. It's the best you can. It's all I really can do. And maybe...That's good enough.

Once at Jr.'s room, I carefully and quietly enter. The young Prince is thankfully sound asleep, though thanks to the Lava Bubble nightlight, I can see he did put up a fight not to give in to that old Sandman. I do my best to join him, taking my shell off before slipping into bed and hoping to be rid of my thoughts in slumber. Even in his sleep, my presence is noticed by the boy and no sooner when my head meets the pillow do I feel the grip of small hands clutching my arm like it's all he has.

"*dreamy coos* Mama...My Mama..."

Oh, sweet loveable Jr...Your dad can be dumb, but you make up for it with being so gosh darn cute.

"No worries, sweetie. Mama's here."

He cuddles closer and I turn over to hold him. Suck it Peach. You be Bowser's power pawn, but you can't have this. You'll never have this. This is mine, and mine alone. These are my children. Not yours.

[The next day]

The morning comes with familiarity. Bowser takes his time in waking. While I am up the second Jr. does. Oh, how I hear the endless amounts of questions from the boy. How was the party? Was it fun? How was the food? Did you and Papa get to dance? Did you kiss? On and on, each question escalating from innocent to embarrassing. I don't tell him everything though. Especially not the part when I kissed Bowser while on boosters. I just give him the run down in the simplest way possible that won't allude to anything his little mind can make into assumptions. And it doesn't stop with Jr. either. The moment the Koopalings meet up with me, dear lord, they act like I've been gone for years or even longer. Each of them, in their own way, let me know I was missed even though I was only gone for just over half a day.

Larry, Lemmy, and Wendy pretty much treat me the same as before but do offer me hugs. Iggy gives me a cool 'I'm glad you're back' card he made. Roy and Morton quarrel over who gets to stay with me for the day. But the one to surprise me was Ludwig. He did not offer me anything, he did not fight for anything, nor did he try to woo me with elegant words. All he did, was shake my hand and smile.

I know I'm not well versed in matters of courtship, I mean, I can tell when there are obvious intentions like with Roy, Morton, and Waluigi. But Ludwig always leaves me puzzled. He seems interested but the way he interacts with me is not what I'm used to. He's being subtle, sincere and non-validation-seeking in his approach. Why does it make me want more?

Courtship is the period which precedes a relationship that helps to determine if it should lead to engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or maybe a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively 'court' or 'woo' a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.

Wait...What is Koopa courtship even like? Is it similar to normal turtles or tortoises or dragons? Uh...I don't think I want to find out.

I change things up with a compromise. I nominate I show them how to cook and we put it to a vote. If what we end up making isn't good, then I'll order pizza. It's funny how food can easily sooth them.

"So, sugar, what we cookin' up? 'Cause I've already got this hot beef right here."

Roy flexes and I snicker to myself.

"You're more of a ham to me, brother."

Ludwig has the best comebacks.

"Bite me, nerd!"

"I'm afraid my taste buds wouldn't care for that. I think you're past due."

"Boys...No fighting or the pizza deal is off. Understood?"

"Sorry, sweetheart."

"The deepest of apologies."

"Thank you. Now then, what kind of food are we all craving today? Something sweet? Sour? Savory?"

"Oh! I have a question!"

"Yes, Lemmy?"

"Why do you have a shell?"

I was wondering when that was going to be noticed.

"Wendy made it for me. I've grown rather fond of it. Do you like it?"

"It makes you look like one of us."

"We accept her, we accept her. One of us, one of us. Gooble-gobble, gooble-gobble. *snickering*"

Larry and Iggy are a real trip sometimes.

"Did you guys have movie night without me?"

"We didn't want to. But it helped deal with you being gone."

"Awww."

"Morton know what Morton wants!"

"Yes, dear?"

"Morton wants this."

While everyone's been talking, Morton was actually rooting around the cookbooks.

"Let's see...Dangerous Delight: Dinner with a dash of danger! Not for the faint of heart. ...Are you sure? It's made with Poison Mushroom."

He nods excitedly and Wendy takes the book from him.

"If we're eating Poison Mushrooms then I want something with more substance. Hmmm...*page flipping* Oooh! This one! Trial Stew: Amazing food made by Zess T. Yields incredible results."

"It does look good, even if it does make you sick till you only have one HP and zero FP, but completely fills Star Power and triples how much you gained for a while. At least the sick part is temporary. Is everyone okay with this?"

The promise of power gets them all eager for it.

"Fine then, Trial Stew it is. Let me see the book and we'll begin the fun part."

Wendy hands the book to me and I look at what is needed to make it. As I do so, I go about the room, grabbing items and putting them down at different counters, all of which is confusing them once I shut the book.

"Okay all, each of you is going to be assigned to make part of this. Station one, Wendy, you'll be making Snow Bunnies. Use these Ice Storms as the base and Turtlely Leafs on half, the other half use Golden Leafs."

"Seems easy enough. But why the different leafs?"

"They have different effects that will help us. Turtley Leaf restores 3 FP and reduces all damage by half. While Golden Leaf replenishes 10 FP and recovers 1 HP."

"Oh...Makes sense."

"Station two, Morton, I need you to grind these Fire Flowers into dust."

"Morton can do that."

"Station three, Ludwig, you'll take the ground Fire Flowers and boil it with the Fire Burst to make it into Spicy Soup."

"It will be an honor, fair maiden."

"Station four, Larry, see the cauldron over there? Your job is to slowly get it heated up nice and hot, but not crazy hot. Okay?"

"Got it."

"Station five, Lemmy, you get to mix the stuff everyone made into this deep bunt pan."

"Why not the cauldron?"

"Because Snow Bunnies and Spicy Soup make Couple's Cake. And Couple's Cake plus Poison Mushrooms make the Trail Stew. It won't work if we just throw everything in as it is now."

"Oooh...I understand now."

"Station six, Roy, you'll be slicing and dicing these Poison Mushrooms into bite-sized chunks."

"Sweet! Ya can count on me, sugar."

"Station seven, Iggy, you're charged with building the Couple's Cake once it comes out of the oven."

"That's fine, I like a good challenge."

"And lastly, station eight goes to you, Jr.. Once the Couple's Cake is done, put it and the cut up Poison Mushrooms into the preheated cauldron. From there, we just stir it all up and wait till it simmers."

"Okay Mama, I won't let you down."

"Glad to hear it. Alright then Team Koopa Kids, let's make this meal!"

They cheer and break off into their respective stations. It feels a little strange to be doing this. To almost command them into performing a task. This must be what teaching feels like. This odd sense of anticipation of a result you expect they can do and pride in understanding that it was you that helped them to achieve this result. And like any decent teacher, I go around to check on their work while offering kind words. Starting with station one, Wendy.

"Very good, Wendy. These look cute and tasty."

"Thanks."

"Why do these two have mismatched ears?"

"They're a couple, like Romeo and Juliet. He came from the Turtley Leafs and her from the Golden Leafs. Their love is forbidden, so to show they care, they swapped ears. Because love can be fought against but not ever completely destroyed."

"Awww...That's beautiful dear. Almost made me cry."

"*giggles* You're silly."

"That I am."

I move to Morton.

"How goes the grinding, Morton?"

"See for yourself. Morton doing a good job."

"Hmmm...This is half. Where's the rest?"

"Morton did it already and gave it to Ludwig."

"Very good. Keep it up."

I pat Morton's head and move on to Ludwig.

"Everything okay on your end?"

"So far so good, fair maiden. I'd be tempted to try such soup if it wouldn't burn my tongue doing so."

"Yeah. I hear one must sip it with a flameproof spoon due to how hot it is."

"Are we really sure we can eat this?"

"The Snow Bunnies take much of the heat away. I assure you, we can eat it."

"I trust you, kind flower. I shall carry on."

"Thank you kindly dear."

Next up, Larry.

"What's up, Larry?"

"Nice and slow, just like you asked."

He bellows softly his own flame breath onto the underbelly of the cauldron.

"Excellent. Well done."

I give the star on the side of head a kiss and he chuckles as I move on to the next station.

"Hi, Lemmy. You ready for your part?"

"Yeah! Can I mash stuff up now?"

"Let's see...Wendy, Morton, Ludwig...Are you done?"

"Snow Bunnies are ready."

"Morton done grinding flowers."

"The soup reaching its dénouement."

"Alright. Wendy, if you'd kindly bring the bunnies. And Ludwig, bring the soup when ready."

They nod. Wendy, with Morton's aid, brings over the Snow Bunnies and Lemmy layers them into the pan. Ludwig comes over moments later with his bubbling pot of Spicy Soup and with my help, we carefully pour the heat in. The amount of steam is something that makes it look like we're making a magic potion.

"Okay Lemmy, your turn."

"Yay!"

With a high-temperature silicone spatula, Lemmy stirs the concoction up till it begins resembling something liken to batter. From here, the pan goes into an oven I preheated while setting things up and will take about ten minutes to bake. We don't want it completely solid, just semisolid, so it's malleable like clay.

"Roy, dear, how are the mushrooms coming along?"

"All cut up and ready for when the cake's done."

"Good, very good. This is going smoothly."

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think it's weird that cake is needed to make stew?"

"Or that Snow Bunnies and Spicy Soup make a cake?"

"Definitely."

"We can question it all we like but it's easier just to go with it. Otherwise, we'll get headaches."

"So how do we kill the time?"

"Mama can tell us a story."

"I guess I can. Anything in mind?"

"Tell us what happened at Peach's party."

They cheer for such a juicy tale but my face goes sour.

"Nothing happened really."

"Ah, come on, sugar."

"Something HAD to have happened."

"You can tell us."

"Pretty please?"

Curse the adorable puppy eyes! My only weakness!

"Okay...I'll only tell you lot this because everyone at the party already knows. *dramatic pause* I gut punched Princess Peach."

Their jaws hit the floor and Roy hugs me tight.

"Sweetheart, that's my girl! I'm so proud of ya!"

"Mama? Why'd you do that?"

"Obviously she had a good reason."

"It had to have been a very good reason for our dear maiden to do something so uncouth as that."

Don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said, don't tell them what that witch said!

"Morton have a guess"

"What?"

"Morton think the Peach lady was mean to King Dad."

That'll work and is true.

"Was she really?"

"Let's just say...Peach wasn't in the best of moods and was needlessly rude to your father. I then informed her that she was out of line, to which her response was to slap me in the face."

Uttering that causes mixed looks to come to their faces and Roy's grip on me gets very tense.

"She...She hit you?"

"Twice and then shoved me to the ground. Then she said more hurtful things that I will not dare repeat. So I hit her back just once."

"Why that...Spoiled self-centered pink #%*&$!"

"Roy!"

"Who does she think she is?! First, she messes with our people, then our land, then with the old man's heart, and now this?! If I ever see that stupid face of hers I'll...I'll...Argh!"

"Wait...What do you mean by 'your people and land'?"

"My dear flower, do you not know? The Toadstools have been an invasive people for generations. Humans are not native to these lands. When the Toadstools came, they took over the Mushroom Kingdom for its rich land and vast resources. The Toads blindly follow them. They are an oddly subservient race. But the Goombas did not stand for this. They saw this new monarchy for its falsehood and came to call help from other Kingdoms. Wart was their first aid. He heard of their plight in their dreams. When he failed, they came here for our father's power. Little did anyone know is that he would fall for the Princess and this infatuation would lead to him failing in his attempts at claiming the land."

That...That all makes sense now. That's why they were seen as traitors. That's why they have such a deep seeded hatred of humans. Dear god, this plot is so thick no wonder I didn't see it as it was right in my face the whole time!

"Peach's rule has been the most corrupt yet. Before her, they at least stayed in their land. Now Toadstool stuff is popping up all over. Even here. That snotty dame has race tracks made from our former castles. We grew up in those things. Then she takes them and does...That? It's just wrong."

They look so upset, except Roy who is fuming, but I understand why they're upset. The Toadstools put on this image of kindness and peace, but in reality, they came in then took over because they saw an easy mark. Now they are power hungry and corrupt. They think because of who they are that it entitles them to whatever they please. God, now I really wish I had hit her more while I had the chance.

*Ding*

The oven timer goes off and I pry Roy off me long enough to pull the almost complete Couple's Cake out.

"No more talk of Toadstools. Do not let them occupy your thoughts. They are not worth it. Iggy dear..."

"Coming."

I place the cake at Iggy's station and he gets to work without saying another word. But I don't like this energy that the room has now.

"Kids...I know I'm human and from the Mushroom Kingdom, but don't think it means I'm on her side."

"We know that, Lynn lady."

"Yeah. If you were on Peach's side, you'd have backstabbed us ages ago."

"Mama would never do that. Mama loves us. Mama loves Papa. She'd never betray us. Right Mama?"

I can feel the water trying to pool in my eyes.

"Dang it, sweetie. Why do you have to be so cute? *sniffle* It makes my heart overload."

Jr. comes over and hugs my legs.

"I'm sorry Mama. Please don't cry."

I kneel down and hug the loveable Prince.

"I love you, Jr.."

"I love you, Mama."

I nuzzle into his cheek and he giggles before wriggling away. Now my kneeling takes on a more solemn bow as if one were to be knighted.

"I swore loyalty to Bowser on the way to the Mushroom Kingdom. I obey him and all eight of you. I will never betray you. I will never leave you. This is my vow. And it can never be broken. Not even by her or her friends. Do not see me as the human you see, but as the Koopa I'd rather be."

Their little hearts. I can see the love shine in their eyes. Even in Roy's behind his shades. They have not known me for very long, but I have made a lasting impression none the less. I have become the closest thing to a mother figure in their lives. Hearing confirmation of my loyalty and vowing to remain with them allows for certain emotional walls they've made to begin lowering. This is a good start for them to mature.

"Really?"

"So you're for real not leaving us?"

I smile up at them.

"Not a chance. You can't get rid of me that easy."

"So you'll obey us huh?"

Roy sneaks over and snakes his arm around my neck.

"Then my first order is..."

"Before you finish, know that I obey reasonable orders. Not whatever naughty ideas that may or may not be forming in your head right now."

"Dang. Eh...Worth a shot."

"Sometimes it amazes me that we're even related at all, brother."

"You're just mad that I have the guts to say what I want and not dance around it like you."

"Boys...What did I say about fighting?"

"Sugar, we're not fightin'. We're just...uh...Debatin'? Yeah! Debatin'."

"Roy, that's more transparent than Wendy's ice rink."

"Shut it, dork!"

"Lynn!"

"Yes, Iggy?"

"I'm done."

"Oooooh~. Pretty cake."

There's a reason I gave this task to Iggy...The boy is a genius when it comes to working with his hands.

"Can we just eat that instead?"

"Cake is not a meal. Plus, we're almost done. Be a shame to not see this through. Now it's your turn, Jr.."

Jr. and Iggy bring the cake over to Larry, sliding it into the cauldron as Roy drops in the mushrooms. This is now my turn, so with big cooking spoon in hand, I stir this weird food menagerie up while Larry stokes the flame. Thanks to his preheating, it doesn't take long. The smell is the most noticeable thing. This thick savory heat with hints of cool sweetness. It has our mouths watering in minutes.

"Okay sweeties, who wants the first bowel?"

A wave of "Me"s flood the room.

"One at a time, dears. Please?"

"*ahem* Excuse me..."

A different voice has us turn towards the kitchen doors. There stands a gray Shy Guy with a chef's hat, the head cook of the castle. Shy Guys are timid troublemakers and common enemies to Mario. They are recognizable by their masks, which they wear due to their shyness. They were minions of the mischievous Wart at one time. However, their first appearance chronologically had them as members of the Koopa Troop. Shy Guys have been seen working for many other villains, including Smithy, Donkey Kong, Wingo, and Kamek. It can be assumed that Shy Guys have never had a true allegiance.

All Shy Guys wear robes that can be red, pink, blue, light blue, yellow, orange, green, black, gray, or white. They are all fairly short and wear masks with holes on them that represent eyes and a mouth. It is unknown what is behind these masks. Even though Shy Guys appear to be short, squat humanoids, they appear to have skinny stick-like legs under their robes. However, Luigi has seen the face of a Shy Guy without its mask on and was shocked at the sight. Also, in the Luigi's Mansion story, Luigi used the Poltergust 3000 to pull the mask off Shy Guy ghosts. Shy Guys ghosts do not have eyes on their masks, and their faces are pure blackness with two glowing yellow eyes where the mask's eyes would be. It is unknown whether this is what a Shy Guy's face looks like when it is alive. Additionally, in the Color Splash story, a Shy Guy in the Golden Coliseum says that Mario would make a terrible Shy Guy because he has a face, implying that Shy Guys do not have a face. It is also possible that the Shy Guys' so-called "masks" are not masks at all, but rather faces. Also, the Bandit sub-species of Shy Guy have been shown to have the ability to change the expressions on their masks as if they were their actual faces. Spear Guys and Dancing Spear Guys are perfectly capable of moving their mouth holes when chanting and singing, while Boo Guys are shown regularly changing their expressions and blinking. Most recently, some Shy Guys have been shown to yet again be perfectly able to change the expressions on their masks. Really mysterious creatures they are.

"Can we help you, sir?"

"Yes, kind lady. I do hate to bother you all. I know you requested this time, but I'm afraid we need to take back the kitchen."

"But we haven't even gotten to eat yet."

"I do apologize. But Lord Bowser has ordered us to prepare a feast for him and the Princess."

I growl inwardly. No way am I sitting at the same table with that woman. But then I smirk wickedly.

"Fair enough. The kitchen is yours. And please, don't let this wonderful stew go to waste. Be sure the Princess gets a good helping. But do save us some leftovers."

"But Mama..."

"No worries, dearies. The pizza's on me."

Pizza soothes over any hard feelings, though they are still disappointed that they didn't get to try it. I wait till we leave the kitchen area to tell them I aim to make Peach sick with our stew. Not that our cooking is bad, but I doubt her stomach can handle such meals. They look up to my sneakiness for that one. And to be honest, I'm rather proud of it too. Now the hard part...

"For the last time...I'm not rich like your dad, so can we please pick a pizza without going insane?"

"I want alfredo and sausage!"

Wendy shouts while slamming her hands down.

"Two words. Pepperoni. Pineapple. End of story."

Roy digs the Hawaiian style pizza huh? Did not see that coming.

"Anchovies!"

Lemmy is too innocent for his own good sometimes.

"Everything! I'm just so hungry..."

Poor Larry.

"With chocolate!"

Lemmy...No. Just...No.

"Alfredo. Hold the sausage. Add Canadian bacon."

"...Ya mean ham?"

"It's not the same."

"Yes, it is."

Roy makes a good point there Ludwig. You lose that one.

"Morton wants meat lovers with black olives."

Look at you, Morton, getting creative.

"I want Sicilian with bacon and four different kinds of cheese!"

Jr. mixing things up, so far, no winning here.

"So...I'm going to guess...No votes for vegetarian?"

Wow...Iggy likes the same as me.

"Gross!"

"Yuck, what?!"

"Nooooo!"

"Heck no!"

"Anything but that!"

"Even I don't want that..."

"What are we, animals?"

"I'll vote for that."

The seven naysayers shoot me "How could you" looks and Iggy smiles with smug gratefulness.

"What? I like veggies. It's good."

"But Mama..."

"Hold on...I am willing to make a deal for my vote. I can possibly pay for about three pizzas, which will leave me flat broke. But...If you can each chip in about five coins each, then I can get everyone a personal pie plus breadsticks. Do we have a deal?"

There are mumbles of reluctance as they huddle to go over this deal. Though Lemmy comes over to me quickly and puts the coin in my hand.

"I agree to the deal, Mom lady."

"Awww...Thank sweetness."

I pick the tiny Koopling up and plant a big smooch on his cheek. This earns him a bashful blush and the others looking at the scene with envy.

"Here, sugar! I've got coin!"

"Morton have coin too!"

"Me too, Mama!"

"As do I, milady."

"I'll pay up."

"Same."

"If everyone's doing it, I might as well too."

Well, that was easier than I thought.

"Thanks, kiddos. This should be enough to get some drinks too."

I hold Lemmy in one arm, because this cutie is small enough and light enough to do so, and make the call. Some thirty minutes later, we're all dining on some of the most delectable pizza I've known in years. I know I claimed to like veggie, but I opted for supreme at the last moment just to be different. At least their all happy.

"*distant* Oh my god!"

Yells a shrill female voice from somewhere in the castle...And now I'm happy.

"Hehe...Sounds like the Princess got a taste of real cookin'."

"You were right. She wasn't able to stomach it."

"Shame she gets the power boost though."

"Yeah, but so does Papa."

"There's some good news at least."

"Lynn lady...Why you so quiet?"

"Sorry. Just lost in thought."

"About what?"

"Given what time it is...Mario should probably be reaching the first castle by now."

"Sounds about right."

"I just wonder...What the look on his face is going to be when he goes through all that awaits him?"

This gives us pause for thought.

[Meanwhile: in Castle One]

"M-Mario?"

"What-a is it now Luigi?"

"Don't-a you think it's a little odd?"

"What-a is?"

"The castle. It has no power-ups."

"Yeah...That-a is odd. But nothing we can't-a handle. We done it before, we can do it again."

"Thanks again for letting me come along this time, bro."

"Think nothing of it. I get the feeling this isn't going to be easy. So I could use your help."

"Wow, Mario...Thank you."

Castle One is not a partially deep building, but still good enough. Though unlike previous passing's through were never as daunting as this trip. Aside from enemies they knew, there were those that they haven't encountered in ages crept the halls. Things like Phantos lined the walls in disguise only to strike without warning. Ninja Crows ambush from unseen hiding spots. Rexs guard rooms in great numbers. And Mad Pianos clamor for flesh in haunting tunes that forever scar the soul.

Something wasn't right. This was far harder than past challenges. At least the boss was something to look forward to. Bosses were always simple and have a pattern that leads to their weakness. Now more than ever, Mario was grateful that Luigi did come along. He made an excellent distraction before he could sweep things in their favor. Eventually, after much traversing and hardship, they arrived at the door to the castle boss.

"*panting* You...You ready, Mario?"

"*panting* Let's...Let's-a do this, Luigi."

Pushing the doors open, the brothers enter the dark room as the doors shut behind them and knowing the exit that will allow them to continue their journey will only show once the boss is bested or surrenders.

Slowly the fires in dead torches light up with life. Five colorful figures stand with their backs to them, axes in hand. This was new. Only with the Reznors did they ever have to fight more than one opponent in castles. They braced themselves for the worst.

"Seems Bowser was right."

"Even without power-ups, they made it this far."

"A commendable effort, indeed."

"But since they made it here, it means we have to do our job."

"Best give them a proper welcome. Ready?"

The five nod their heads and the Red one turns around.

"We fight for evil!"

The Black one turns around.

"We live for disorder!"

The Green one turns around.

"We like what we do!"

The Pink one turns around.

"We struggle for chaos!"

The Yellow one turns around.

"We are..."

They strike flashy fighting poses before shouting in unison.

"The AXEM RANGERS!"

Mario is in shock but Luigi is understandably confused. He never got to join his brother on the adventure of the Seven Stars. These faces are new and what they intend is unknown.

"Been a long time, hasn't it Mario?"

"Axem Rangers...I thought you were..."

"Dead? You and everyone else thought so. It's what we wanted the world to believe."

"Why?"

"We were dumb teenagers back when we worked for Smithy's Gang. We've learned since then."

"We've trained day and night to get stronger."

"We've made ourselves better warriors for it."

"And it's all thanks to you, Mario."

This caused the hero to gulp.

"You're victory over us fueled us."

"Motivated us."

"It spurred us on."

"And now...We are ready to have our revenge."

"So prepare yourselves! For this is where the Axem Rangers beat the Mario Brothers once and for all!"

Mario and Luigi share looks amongst themselves. This is definitely going to be a challenge.

"Okey-dokey!"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Let's-a go!"

"Fight time!"

The brothers charge towards the eager rangers, a battle of great proportions no doubt is underway. Who is to win, however...That's up to them. Power wins fights. Brains wins battles. But sheer will wins wars.

Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.