Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
I relax with the children for the rest of the afternoon. Being stuffed with pizza and cheesy bread really makes one sleepy. Nine shelled bodies all placed about the room in one way or another either asleep or just about to pass out. Every so often I stir from my own snooze because of the bundle of boys that just HAD to lay with me. Since laying on my back with a mostly empty shell is more trouble than one would think, I lounged on my chest. Roy managed to wriggle himself into my side and prop one of my arms around his neck. Morton took his brother's idea and did the same thing at my other side. Tiny Lemmy makes my head his bed and often nuzzles into my hair. Lastly Jr. takes advantage of this and has nestled himself in the envious spot of the open room under me that was made from the other two propping me up. Surprisingly, none of his spikes really bother me. They're not pointy enough to do any harm and my full weight isn't on them. Of course, this only lasts till nighttime.
"Hey, you little whippersnappers!"
Kammy's voice as a wake-up call is like a cat screeching for having its tail stepped on.
"What do ya want, ya old hag? Can't ya see we're sleepin' here?"
Kammy is unamused by Roy's attitude. Regardless of his current placement or his sleepy state of mind, Kammy approaches the pink bad boy and promptly beans him on his head with her wand. Resulting in him roaring out and jostling all as he attempts to snatch her off her broom, but the old gal floats just out of reach.
"Get down here, ya fossil!"
"I may be old, but I'm not stupid."
"You're face is stupid!"
"Roy..."
My low voice makes him avert his attention from Kammy for now.
"Sorry, sugar."
Morton helps get me up on my yawning feet and I carefully set Lemmy down.
"What's up, Kammy? Aside from you. I doubt you came in just to annoy Roy."
"I came to get the Prince and you. Lord Bowser expects to have you both with him for supper."
My stomach churns at a sudden thought.
"Is Peach joining us at the table?"
"Of course."
I hate predictability that leads me to be right sometimes.
"I'm not going."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said, I'm not going to sit at the same table as that woman."
"He warned me you'd be like this. So he told me to inform you that he wasn't asking. It's an order."
Dang it, Bowser. Using my loyalty to you to your advantage.
"*snarls* Fine. But I make no promises that I won't hit her if she mouths off."
"My, such fiery spirit. Now I understand why my lord calls you spitfire."
I am not a happy camper anymore. I don't want to see Peach. I don't like even thinking about her. But I have to interact with her in some form while Bowser still has a thing for this bitch. Time to play nice.
"Come along, sweetie. Papa is waiting for us."
This is forced. They know this is forced. The smile and pleasant tweet in my voice all come off as fake as a food server telling you that they like your order. Jr. doesn't like this act of mine. It's not his Mama.
"Don't do that, Mama."
"Do what?"
"That. Don't act weird. It's creepy."
From Roy to me, guess Jr. has a radar for things being not normal.
"Sweetie...Sometimes adults put on a false demeanor so that they can handle things that they normally can't if they were themselves."
"That's dumb."
"I know, sometimes adults are dumb. Believe me, I'm doing this so that I don't get in trouble and end up taken away from you. I can't stand Peach. If I don't pretend to be happy...well...It won't be pretty."
"Oh. ...Can I help you so you don't have to pretend?"
"If that's what you want to do, dear, then just keep being your same loveable self. It works wonders."
I ruffle his tuft of soft red hair and he grabs my hand with a chuckle.
"Okay Mama, I won't let you down."
If any of the others were going to speak up with their own words I don't get to hear them. Jr. drags me away quite hastily, much to the annoyance of the Koopalings. I know I felt someone try to paw at me, not sure who, but the who is limited to a handful of guesses really. My money's on Roy.
"Hey! Wait for me!"
Kammy follows the pair. Leaving the seven Koopalings to their own affairs.
"Do you remember when we used to eat with King Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Ever wonder why we don't anymore?"
"Better question...Do ya really wanna be there when sugar goes off on Peach?"
"Morton does!"
"...You worry me sometimes Morton."
He just snickers.
"Give the flower some credit. Her detest for Peach is one thing, but her respect for father is another. If she is willing to be assaulted by the Princess before retaliating, then she can bite her tongue long enough to not, to put it bluntly, kick her royal posterior."
"For once, I agree with ya there, dork. Sweetheart has a long fuse. It takes a lot to set her off."
The past memory made Roy rub his belly plates and Morton looked away from his own guilty memory.
"How soon do you think Peach will push her metaphorical buttons?"
"She is one known for being quite verbal in her attacks. Peach might not last no more than five minutes before the table is flipped and food flies."
"You think they'd actually fight?"
"I've always wanted to study female on female altercations."
"Why?"
"Because girls are unpredictable. Even when you think you know how things will go, they always manage to do something you least suspect."
"That's true. Just look at Wendy."
"You guys are jerks!"
Wendy starts throwing empty boxes and half-eaten crust at her brother as they flee.
[In the dining hall]
This is the most awkward I've been at a table since high school where I'd either sit alone or be forced into groups. Side note, if you remain seated/eating during a food fight even when a full water bottle zooms past your head, people either think you're cool or stupid for not noticing what just happened.
But this...This makes all those past times fall short. I sit in my normal spot, to the side of Bowser's right. Bowser's seated at the table's head. Jr. is across from me. And Peach is placed beside Bowser's left also at the head of the table. Like that's where she's supposed to be. I don't like it. But I guess I can take delight in the fact that she has to be restrained from the waist down in her chair. Try getting out of that, Princess.
"So..."
And point to Bowser for being the one to break the uncomfortable silence.
"How's you're day been, Jr.?"
"Fine. Mama taught us how to make Trail Stew."
That earns me some looks, but I just smile and wave as I sip my water.
"Did she now?"
"Uh-huh. Each of us made part of it. We were going to eat it, but then the chef came in and told us to leave. So we had pizza instead."
"You bought them pizza?"
I pause and look up at him.
"What? They earned a rewarded and I already made the promise. Besides, they helped pay. How else would we have cheesy bread, breadsticks, and soda?"
"It was good!"
I snicker at Jr. excitement. He really is a help to keep me in good spirits.
"So it was you lot that made that dreck..."
And there go my good vibes.
"I thought that tasted foul."
I claw my chair's cushion under the table.
"I apologize, Princess..."
"Thank you."
"Clearly you're not used to cooking that goes beyond sweets."
She shoots me a glare and Bowser rolls his eyes while muttering to himself.
"I thought it was good."
"Thank you, my King."
Peach puts her fork down and smirks.
"Oh, I was right. You two really were faking a relationship at my party."
"If you really think that was fake, then feel free to do so."
"I knew it. Bowser would never pick another girl over me."
"For a Princess, you really seem to be lacking the grace and civility needed when at the dinner table."
"Why you..."
"Ladies!"
Bowser, the voice of reason speaks.
"There's no need to fight. Let's just settle down and enjoy this fine meal."
"I was not fighting. Merely stating facts. Though I shall stop for your sake, my King."
"Peach?"
She huffs and turns her nose up in insult.
"Be nice, Mama Peach. Mamas have to get along for Papa's sake."
I know he calls her Mama...He's always called her that...But this time...This time it bothers me.
"For the last time, I am not your mama. I will never by your mama. And if you call me mama one more time I'll...!"
I stab my fork so hard into my baked potato that it shatters the plate under it.
"You so much as look at him wrong and no one will be able to stop me from unleashing pain on you the likes of which will have you begging for the sweet mercy to be put out of your pathetic misery!"
"How dare you! You should be ashamed of yourself."
"You'd think saying that would make me care, but you'd be wrong...Dead wrong."
"I'd like to see you try."
"*snarling* Don't tempt me."
"Lynsie! Corner! Now!"
Bowser stands up and points me to back of the room, effectively making me feel like a child. I maintain a firm glare on Peach the entire time and do as told.
"Ah, what's the matter, little girl? You mad? I don't know how you were raised, but I was taught to help people in need. And you are in a LOT of need. Oh! Instead of the corner, maybe this very, very bad girl needs a spanking."
I pause and without missing a beat...I say the thing girls like her crumble from.
"You look fat and it's not the dress."
Her face turns bright red and Jr. snickers to himself.
"I'll kill you!"
She actually hurls herself at me, but forgetting she's bound to the chair, she falls over and resembles a fish out of the water. Needless to say, I can't laugh hard enough.
"I said, corner!"
I have no problem with this, my mood is much better now. I hear Bowser help Peach back up before hearing the ominous stomps approach from behind me.
"You're being rather naughty this evening, spitfire."
"It wasn't my intent to be."
"I don't think I've ever heard you so full of malice before. I'm impressed."
"She was about to threaten Jr...She's lucky all I did was issue a warning. And thank you."
"If that's a warning, I'd hate to see you when you're serious."
"I don't like her. I don't trust her. I know you care for her and I want to support you. But she just makes my skin crawl and I want to smash her face in every time I hear her bad mouth you or the family. I know I should be more in control over this, yet I can't help feeling this way. This rage...You deserve better...Her Kingdom isn't worth the disrespect she brings!"
I feel the weight of his large hand on my head and instantly I notice just how much I've been shaking.
"As nice as your heated words are, you need to calm down. If not for yourself, then for Jr...You know how he gets."
I glance over my shoulder to look past him. Jr. is trying to peer past his father's massive bulk to see me, his face showing clear concern and it pains me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so bothersome."
He sighs and pats my head.
"You're not bothersome for caring. You're behaving like the caregiver you are and sticking up for the family. No one can be upset about that. Well, maybe Peach is, but she has to deal with it. Like I've said earlier..."
He leans in by my ear.
"She has no power here."
Just the way he said that...My spine is made trembling and a weird coo tries to sneak out of me, but I suppress it for the most part.
"Now...Do you think you can rejoin us at the table?"
"Yes, my King."
"And you won't lash out even if Peach gets mouthy?"
"I...I can try, but make no promises."
"As long as you try."
He allows me to leave my timeout corner to return once more to the dinner table, much to Jr.'s delight and Peach's disdain.
"Yay! Mama's back! I thought you were in trouble."
"Nope, no trouble, sweetie. Mama just needed to calm down is all."
"Awww...Is the baby done having her temper tantrum?"
"My King..."
"It's fine. Just do your best to ignore her."
"Okay."
Peach is taken back in shock.
"Excuse me? You do remember I'm Princess Peach, right?"
"This is really good. Oh...Crud..."
"What's wrong, Mama?"
"Hello? I'm talking here."
"Seems I broke my plate in my fit. Heh...Good thing this wasn't soup."
"True. Or you'd be cleaning that up right now."
"I know. Still feel bad though."
"Don't ignore me!"
"I've never asked, but what is this table made of? Oak? Pine? Evergreen? Tanooki Tail Tree?"
"That is it!"
She throws her stuffed mushroom at me and it goes splat into my face before slowly falling off. Bowser is stunned and Jr. is unsure whether to laugh or be mad. All I do is take my napkin and wipe my face.
"You know...It's very rude to waste perfectly good food by being childish."
"I'm being rude?! I'm being childish?!"
"Now you're just stating the obvious."
"You...You are without a doubt, the most insufferable poor excuse for a human being I have ever had the displeasure to know!"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"You are a bi-...!"
"Peach! Shut up!"
Seems Bowser can only take so much and this limit has been reached much to her surprise.
"B-Bowser..."
"Just stop talking already."
"How can you defend her? I am a PRINCESS, and she has thrown mud at my dignity!"
"Well let's just say, your dignity isn't as spotless as you make it out to be."
"W-What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you're not perfect. For too long I've looked at you through rose-colored glasses..."
Jr. puts his hand up and I giggle.
"Not real glasses, sweetie. It's a figure of speech."
His little hand goes back down and Bowser continues.
"Yeah, you're a Princess. But what kind of Princess falls for someone like Mario? At least if you had a crush on some knight, I'd understand, but a plumber?"
"Former plumber, my King. He informed me at the party that they haven't done that job in years."
"Oh for crying out loud...That's the kind of guy you want? Some deadbeat that can't hold a job? I'm a freaking King! Not a Duke, not an Earl, not a Prince...A King! Yet you see yourself with that guy? Yeah...Something ain't right here."
"Mario is a great guy. He'd do anything for me. He risks life and limb for me."
"Because he wants something, dummy."
I had to chime in.
"I'm sorry for butting in, but you can't be that dumb not to see he wants something from you. Heck, you know he fools around with other girls."
"M-Mario loves me."
"Mario's a bad man, Mama Peach."
If Jr. can see it, you know it's super out there.
"Does he really love you? And to be more on the spot, do YOU really love him?"
She opens her mouth, but no words come out. Finally, she is speechless.
"You don't love him, do you? You love what he is. The hero. The one thing I can't be. The people's hero that saves their fair Princess."
"N-No...No! If that's the case, then I'd like Luigi too. And I don't."
"Funny you should mention that. Because that's not what the stories you published tell us."
Her blush is deep.
"What?"
"In several books, that you signed off on, there are two forms of the ending. One with Mario and one with Luigi. While Luigi is portrayed to be another one of your closest friends and often helps Mario rescue you, specific scenes do not differ if it is Mario or Luigi saving you. However individual interaction show that there are no romantic feelings between you two, you both share good chemistry and sometimes your overall friendly behavior occasionally tends to overlap with hints of romantic attraction as well. These story endings where Luigi can be substituted for Mario, your interactions with him are the same as they would be with Mario, such as rewarding him with a kiss. Care to explain this at all? Because it can be seen like you've settled for Mario but wish it was Luigi coming to the rescue."
"Yeah, Mama Peach."
"I know I'd like to hear this."
Now Peach is feeling as awkward as I did when first sitting down at the table. She wants to say something. Anything. But she can't seem to process everything that's going on or the information when it's all dumped on her like this. I guess I can't blame her for that. She's so used to casting her judging gaze on others that she's been blind to her own reflection in the mirror. She doesn't recognize herself, or the thing she has become based on her actions over the years. If anything, this makes me pity her.
"You're the one that's always having to get rescued by such lowly yet okay guys. But why? Why do that to yourself? When you feel protected, you talk a big game because you see yourself as this all-important part. But really, what is your true role? Do you see yourself as valuable because you feel valued by others? Do you really have such a poor self-worth to rely on those you know or believe you know will always come for you? And what of the ones you call friends...Are their feelings real or just another part of the rite of worshiping you? Would anyone really be sad to cry over spilled Peaches?"
That last bit might have been a bit too much for her. She begins to resemble a wilting flower. Her posture droops, her face loses the glow of living life and her eyes water. Oh crap, she's crying. Shit!
"No no no no no no! Don't cry. Please try not to cry. If you cry, all your pretty makeup will run."
"Wow, and I thought I was bad at consoling upset women."
"Not helping!"
"Don't panic, Mama."
"Me? Panicking? I'm not panicking. You'll know when I'm panicking. I start shouting when I panic!"
"You're shouting now!"
"Only because I don't know what to do!"
"*laughs*"
We all stop and now stare at the amused royal.
"Well...At least she's not crying anymore."
"Peach?"
"*giggles* Are you...Are you sure the two of you aren't a couple? *chuckles* Because that's how my mother told me she and my father acted when I was a baby."
Bowser and I look at each other before feigning comical "yeah right" looks.
"Oh yeah. Mama and Papa love each other big time."
Jr.'s comment has me look away with a small blush and Bowser merely rubs the back of his head.
"Sweetie, what did we tell you about blurting things out like that?"
"To ask myself if it's something you and Papa would be okay with."
"And did you do that?"
"Heh heh...I forgot."
Peach giggles and even I have to admit, this feels family-ish yet wrong. Like there's here that's making this odd. Whatever it is, I can't quite put my finger on it and I'm not really up for a brain teaser right now as I stand up from my seat.
"My King, if it's okay, might I be excused? The day's events have left me drained."
"Y-Yeah, sure. Jr., it's bedtime."
"Ah man. But Papa, I want to stay and be with Mama Peach for while."
A sudden sharp pain stings my heart...That...That really hurts.
"You know how you get if you don't get to bed on time. Go with Lynsie."
"But Papa..."
"Go."
"No...It's fine."
Bowser and them look at me funny, guessing my face looks awkward since I'm trying to hide the pain.
"He's a big boy. It's not every day he gets to just hang out with Papa and...Mama Peach."
I think I'm going to puke!
"Are you okay? You look a little green, and not in a good way."
"Yeah...I'm okay. Probably just an upset tummy. No reason to worry."
I try to leave as fast as my weak knees will let me.
"Mama...?"
"Don't stay up too late, sweetie. *wretch* Be good for Papa."
There's a bad taste in my mouth as I leave. Bowser's confused. Jr.'s worried. And Peach...
"Such an odd girl. She has her moments, granted they're few, but is...oh what's the word...Quirky?"
"Spitfire is many things. Loyal, smart, caring, strong...But quirky? Nah. Unique is more like it."
"You really do like her, don't you Bowser?"
"Now who's the quirky one, saying dumb things like that."
"Papa's in denial."
"I am not!"
"Oh, that makes sense."
"I do NOT like her! She's just a girl that works for me. Is it really so weird that I can have females employed here and not have to be attracted to them? This is an equal opportunity kingdom I rule here."
"I don't know..."
Peach sips her tear.
"Are you always so defensive towards your other minions?"
"Yes!"
"Do you always give them fancy dresses?"
"What Kamek does in his free time is none of my business."
"Do you...Um...Got anything else to add, Jr.?"
"Oh! I know! Papa let her sleep in his bed."
"Oh, my!"
Peach blushes lightly as the images that statement pops into her head, but Bowser is redder than pasta sauce and completely flustered.
"I already told you, it wasn't like that, Jr.!"
"Like what, Papa?"
"Yes, Bowser, like what?"
"I...I...You're not helping! I will not have this conversation here! I haven't even gone over such adult matters with him yet."
"I knew it! I knew you were holding back on me, Papa."
"Look, we'll talk about that stuff when you're older. Like...Uh...How old is Larry now?"
"Eighteen."
"...And Lemmy?"
"Twenty."
"When you're as old as Lemmy, then we'll talk about that kind of stuff."
"What?! But that's like forever from now!"
"No buts. *mumbling* I should talk to the other kids too."
"Can I ask Kamek?"
"No, you can't ask Kamek. Just...Just..."
"*giggles* I must say, kidnapping and arguing aside, this has been a most enjoyable evening."
Oh, right, Peach is still here. He had gotten so into it with his son that the object of his desire that's been sitting beside him for so long completely disappeared from his thoughts.
"Perhaps I've misjudged you, Bowser."
His heart began to flutter. Is this for real?
"You...You have?"
"I have."
Is she about to say something positive about him? King Koopa? Please say something nice to me Peach!
"When I first met you, you invaded my Kingdom. You came in, attacked the people, turned them into blocks and other things before taking me away. You've done this for years. And all this time I've seen you as nothing but a cold and cruel beast. But now...Now I see something else."
Okay, Bowser, you can do this. You can ask her what she means without sounding desperate for her approval. You can do this! You are King! You are a badass! Ask her like a man!
"Y-You do?"
You big idiot! You sounded like Jr. when he wants an extra toy for his birthday. No way she'll respect that.
"Yes."
Or maybe I'm wrong.
"...Now I see you as a circus."
Or I was right the first time.
"A circus?"
"You're the ringleader, fire-eater, strongman, and clown all rolled into one spiky package. *laughs*"
Ow...Way to twist the knife after stabbing my heart, Princess. Maybe Lynsie was right about this.
"Papa? Are you okay?"
Great, the boy can see I'm upset. Well...As long as I don't cry he can still see me as cool. But this moment is sure as hell dead. Only one thing to do now.
"Time for bed, son."
Bowser gets up from his chair and goes to his son. Picking the boy up and cradling the tiny Prince in one arm, the other hand is used to grab the back of Peach's chair, effectively ending her laughter.
"Uh...B-Bowser?"
Bowser didn't say a word as he continued making his way out of the dining hall and into the corridors, dragging her chair with him.
"Wait...Where are we going?"
"Didn't you hear Papa? It's bedtime, Mama Peach."
The innocence in Jr.'s voice only adds to her confusion and fear.
"Um...Hey, w-why don't we have some dessert? Nothing like some sweets before bed to give us sweet dreams. Heh heh..."
Still, Bowser remains silent. This only frightens her more, but not Jr.. The boy can sense something is bothers his father and he doesn't like it. But he's also smart enough to know when he feels this sort of vibe coming from his dad that is not the wisest move to bug him about it, unless he wants to see him explode, which is usually funny, but not when like this.
Passing Koopa Troopas fling themselves against the walls to avoid being in the way of their King, but to their dismay, Bowser stops his march and hauls Peach to be in front of him.
"Put her in her room. And double the guards watching her. I'm in no mood for screw-ups."
Bowser's voice is usually deep and intimidating without even trying. But this...His tone was low and forced, rather detached too. It brought a whole new level of scary. And it was enough to not make the Troopas think twice or at all.
"Yes, sir!"
One Troopa dives under the chair to prop it on his shell, another grabs the back of the chair, and the other one holds Peach's legs so she doesn't kick the under guy in the face as they bolt for their lives.
"Wow, Papa. You really scared them."
"Fear is a great motivator. Remember that."
"Okay, Papa."
Okay, now to reassure him that things are okay. The big bad Koopa King held his boy close and nuzzles into his cheek, earning him some giggles.
"Papa...Stop! *laughing* This is embarrassing!"
Reassure son that I'm okay, check. Am I really okay? Not check...Not yet. Continuing to travel down the halls, Bowser stops at his son's room and finds the door slightly open. Cautiously he slowly opens it, the hall lights reveal an overturned and empty shell, it's owner barely visible slumped halfway out of bed. Maybe she really was sick. Tough girl to put up that much of a front just to not admit feeling bad.
"Mama!"
Jr. leaps from his father's hold and she jolts out of bed on full alert till the Prince tackles her down.
"What? What's wrong? You okay sweetie? Are you hurt? Where's Papa?"
Only then does she notice him and her frantic expression becomes a smile before it grows to concern. She can read me like a book, can't she? Damn, I used to have a flawless poker face too. Well, here it comes. The "I told you so"s that women love to throw around. Here's hoping she's gentler than Peach.
"My King...Are you okay?"
"Mama Peach was mean to Papa."
She looks back at Jr. then him and back to Jr. again.
"Tell me what happened once I left."
Jr. climbs on her and whispers in her ear. Her expressions changing with his every word. She...Is she genuinely worried about him?
"*sigh* That's low. Even for her."
"I say Mama Peach should be punished."
"Oh? Heh, and how would you punish her?"
"Hmmm...No sweets for a year!"
"*snicks* Sounds like a plan. How about we talk about it later. Right now it's bedtime. And all big boys are cuddling up in dreamland."
She blows a raspberry on his tummy and places him in bed. She's come out of her shell since being here. The kids have done wonders for that. Then again, they seem to really help her adapt to here. Who'd have thought that one day, someone like her would just appear in his life and make things so complicated yet at the same time, feel so good? Well...Time to make things awkward.
"Lynsie...I need you."
Really brain, way to make me sound like a huge creep. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head.
"What?"
Fix this, you dummy! Think!
"Look...*sigh* I didn't mean it like that. I just...*huff* Don't make this difficult!"
Screw talking. It's not my biggest strong suit anyway and I'm not in the mood for it either. Not giving her much time to think, he picks her up and drapes her over his shoulder. Confusing both her and Jr..
"Papa, where are you taking Mama? I need her to sleep."
"I'm borrowing her for the night. You can use Teddy like before."
"But I don't want Teddy. I want Mama."
"*growls* Jr...Don't make me cross. Not tonight."
Jr. trembled lightly and he feels bad for instilling fear in his boy.
"Sweetie..."
She twists around Bowser's arm to get a view of the Prince on his bed.
"It's going to be alright. I'll help Papa and tomorrow we can do something you want to do."
"*sniffle* Anything?"
"*mumble* As much as I might regret it...*normal* Yes. Anything your heart desires. But you have to sleep and let me help Papa. Okay?"
The young Prince wipes his eyes and nods.
"Okay, Mama."
Lynsie taps Bowser's side and motions over to the mound of stuffed toys. Taking the hint, the great King grabs a large bear and hands it to his son.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get mad. I'm just tired."
"It's okay Papa. Mama will make you feel better. She's a pro at it."
That made Bowser chuckle before tucking his boy in and taking the girl with him as he left the room.
"So...Is it okay to ask how are you feeling?"
"You're not my shrink."
"Never said I was. But I am here for you, you know that. If something's wrong, you can tell me. I'll listen. I want to help."
He doesn't say anything to that. Just letting it sink in.
"We don't have to talk if you don't want to. I won't force anything. But can I ask you one thing?"
"...What?"
"Is it...*pause* Is it wrong of me to feel bad when Jr. calls her...Mama?"
That made him flinch in his steps. She probably wouldn't have noticed it if it weren't for his hold on her got a tad stronger.
"I knew from the beginning he called her that. I just went along with it because it felt like he called all human girls that name. But it's different now. I'm so used to it being for me. They call me mom and it feels good to hear it. *sniffles* Then he called her Mama and it hurt so bad. *sniffling* Is it wrong to feel this way?"
Ah crap, she's going to cry. I have to defuse this bomb quickly and carefully.
"I'm being foolish, aren't I? To have gotten so attached and so quickly. I mean, who am I, really? Just a girl that works for you, their dad. I'm not even the same spices. They'll never really see me as mom. Just a good enough substitution."
"Oh my god, woman! Why are you so depressing?"
"I can't help it! I feel sad!"
"I feel messed up too, but you don't hear me whining about it."
"Then why did you get me away from Jr.? I could've just laid there, helped him sleep, and cry to myself. You didn't have to drag me away."
"Because I don't want to be alone right now! You happy?!"
She's dumbstruck as he kicks his door open and does so again to shut it.
"I just...I want some company. And you're the only one I know that won't judge me for it. So please...Give me this."
"...Can I say your name then? Saying 'my king' all the time feels less personal than I want to be right now."
"That's...That's fine. You've earned the right to by now."
He slowly puts her down and she just stares at him.
"What? Is something on my face?"
She nods and reaches up, softly stroking her hand just under his left eye to wipe away a tear that escaped him without knowing it.
"Tears don't suit you. Good men like you shouldn't have to cry."
He blinks a few times, just to make sure that this was real and not his mind playing tricks on him. Once he was sure though, it nearly made him crumble right there. But he sucked it up and put on a brave face.
"Thank you."
"It's what I do. I see those I care for upset, I do what I can to make them happy."
She...Does she care for me? No...No, she's just being nice. Yet...I guess I can test it. See if it's real.
"Want a drink?"
"Maybe. Depends on the drink."
He wanders over to his bedside and produces a bottle of champagne.
"It's from my private collection. Only the best for the best."
"I don't know. I mean, I'm very flattered. But I've never had stuff like that before. Is it good?"
She's never had...Dear lord this is perfect! One glass of this and she'll be so bubbled that no secret she has will be locked away for long. Soon, it will be you that is the open book, little spitfire. Now to be cool.
"I could ask you the question, what does soda taste like? If you have never tasted something, describing it to you is very challenging. Soda has a consistent taste from bottle to bottle and can to can. That is not true about Champagne. The mixture of the three grapes can vary. The sweetness level can, deliberately, vary across the types of Champagnes. For a very dry Champagne, I might say it is great. You might taste it and say it is sour. A very sweet Champagne will be more like soda. The best shot at describing the taste would be to ask you to take some unflavored sparkling carbonated water, add a little lemon juice and a little bit of sugar. The wine in Champagne will have about 1% acid in it, so the lemon juice is to try to match that. Most Champagnes will also have about .5 to 1% sugar in them. So they won't taste 'sweet', but this little bit of sugar 'smooths' out the taste."
She's shocked and he can't help the proud grin coming to his face.
"Seems for once, it is you who has taught me something new."
"I know a thing or two about stuff I like. Such as a good drink to share with a good friend."
"*giggles* Okay, I yield. There's no way I can say no to you after that. It's too kind."
Got you, spitfire. From the same location, he brings her a rather deep chalice and she eyes him for it.
"What? This isn't planned or anything. I normally drink by myself and since this is your first taste...You can use the cup. I'm not so shy about drinking straight from the bottle anyway."
"You're spoiling me, Bowser. If you were Roy, I'd be questioning this as an attempt to seduce me."
That nearly makes him spill as he pours her share.
"*sigh* I REALLY need to talk to those kids."
"Please do. I know they mean well and their age makes me forget how they really are. But, oh boy, those boys are really growing up faster than they look."
"Yeah. Morton told me about him using magic on you. I didn't see that one coming."
He takes a mouthful of drink.
"He was...I suppose he felt lonely and left out. I gave him attention and when I tried to go, he wasn't ready for it to end. I felt bad for it. He's a sweet boy. But he does seem a little in need of control over some of his emotions."
She swirls the chalice a little before taking a test sip...then another...and another.
"Well?"
"Not bad."
He smirks and sits on his bed.
"The flavor of a Champagne is what it all comes down to. Champagne is characterized based upon the amount of residual sugar that is left in the wine. If sugar content is low, the wine is considered dry and is typically labeled 'brut'. Oddly enough, Champagne with a bit more sugar is labeled 'extra-dry', with Champagne labeled 'sec' containing as much as 1-2% sugar. The flavor of a brut or dry Champagne should be intensely bready with crisp apple and melon characteristics throughout. As one moves to the sweeter side of the spectrum, the Champagne tends to get fruitier and more sugary, making it ideal for pairing with desserts such as cake. Probably why Peach likes it too. Most people prefer to drink dry Champagne when possible, but there is certainly a time and place for sweet variations on the wine."
"Peach drinks?"
She pulls up his desk chair and sits across from him.
"Oh yeah. Don't let her fool you. If she wins a race when we go karting, she requests bottles of the stuff. She'll guzzle champagne by the mouthful, her face gets all red. Freaking adorable really."
"Wow. That woman just keeps getting weirder to me."
She takes another drink and he does the same. Part of him did feel bad he was doing this. The percent of alcohol in champagne is approximately 12.2% which compares to 12.5% for red wine and 18.8% for dessert wine. In essence, drinking a four-ounce glass of champagne is similar to drink a four-ounce glass of wine. Remember that one shot of most liquors is equal to one four-ounce glass of wine. That being said, it must be understood that alcohol that is combined with carbonation can often accelerate the buzz/drunkenness felt by the person consuming the beverage. And that cup is made for his size. Of course, he doesn't expect her to drink it all, but just enough to get her sauced and not hammered.
Some individuals have had a "blackout" drunk experience off champagne or dessert wine yet they can drink several shots of whiskey or gin and not feel the same effects in such a short amount of time. He learned this the hard way when trying to out drink Kammy once. When drinking any type of carbonated alcoholic beverage the fact that it can get you drunk quicker is a thing. While the numbers state that one four-ounce glass of champagne is equal to one shot of liquor it can often seem like the champagne is much stronger. This is something he wanted. But was hoping she wasn't a light foot either.
"I see you kept the rose."
His attention went to the small vase that held the flower in question.
"Oh, that...I was going to burn it since it's something from Waluigi. But, it being a gift from you made it less trashy."
She smiles up at him.
"It really did look better on you. Gave you this suave alluring mystique."
He blushes lightly and takes a drink to hide it.
"So she really called you a circus?"
That brought his mood down.
"Yeah."
"Heh...Her insults are weak. Hell, half of it can be seen as a compliment."
"Huh?"
"You're the ringleader, fire-eater, strongman...You're a King, you breath fire, and are super strong. *giggles* That's just her stating facts in a way that it sounds bad. Oh! And the only way you're a clown is because you're funny. You always make me smile, that's for sure."
And just like that, his mood got better. She was right. He was those things, but Peach made it sound insulting. But Lynsie showed him the truth. How does she do that? Turn negatives into positives so easily. Maybe that's why she was so easy to talk to. Maybe she really was his therapist. Silly girl.
"Lynsie..."
"*drinking* Hmmm?"
"Can I ask you something personal?"
"Bowser, this is me we're talking about. Anything you say or ask stays right here in this room."
Yep, she's my therapist.
"Have you...I don't know...Have you ever been in love before?"
That had her blushing, the color practically smearing her face. Was she getting drunk already?
"Love? No. Can't say I've had the pleasure."
She sounded detached. Even going so far as to cast her eyes into the bubbling drink in her hand.
"Never? Not one person ever?"
She plays her finger to circle the chalice rim.
"I've had my fair share of crushes. What person hasn't? But to know that big powerful four-letter word...No. Not yet."
What did that mean? Not yet?
"Anyone you really like?"
"Why so interested in me all of a sudden?"
Dodge this! But don't sound too forced!
"Just...Just curious is all."
Nailed it! She sighs and looks away. Her hands have stopped moving too.
"Lynsie?"
She pauses before taking a rather long drink. That is never a good sign.
"I don't know. I know Roy, Morton, Ludwig, and maybe Iggy like me. Waluigi likes me, but that doesn't mean much when he flirts with just about every girl he finds attractive. Though that is flattering to think about..."
Bowser found himself glaring at that. He despised Waluigi. Like Wario, Waluigi is on almost as bad terms with Bowser as he is with others. While Bowser, Wario, and Waluigi team up to try and defeat Mario sometimes, they are in conflict more often, such as Bowser blocking the others from destroying his arch-enemy Mario, or Bowser and Waluigi fighting over the Mischief Star Stamp in the third Mario Party. As seen during Fortune Street, Bowser thinks very lowly of Waluigi, being quick to point out Waluigi's bad reputation and appearance. If Waluigi is nice to someone, it's to trick them into a false sense of security. No way was that going to be something he'd allow happen to his spitfire.
"But...I just don't know. I don't know if I like anyone all that much really. I've been too busy taking care of others to really think about myself."
"What about the kids?"
"That's the problem right there. They are KIDS. Iggy told me how Koopas in your brood age slowly. So even though most are twenty, the age of an adult for humans, they are still children in the long run. I can play along with them, let them have their fun, but I can't get involved like that with them. It wouldn't be right. I don't want to hurt their feelings. But..."
"I get it. You're sweet. And that's why you're good at being their caretaker. You care so much that you do all these things for their sake. You'd make one heck of mother to them if you were a Koopa."
What the heck did I just say? Where did that come from? She's going to think I...Wait...Is she smiling?
"You really think so?"
Uh...Just roll with it, don't ask why.
"Yes. I see how you are with them. I can trust you to take care of them like no one else can. You're a wonderful person. And don't think just because Jr. calls Peach mama that it means something more. He can call her mama all day, but by days end, he only sees you as his Mama. There's no replacing you."
Um...How much have I been drinking? Am I drunk now? Explains why I'm saying all this emotional stuff.
"*whimpers* Oh Bowser..."
Lost in her current emotional tipsy state, she drops the chalice, which thanks to being heavy based lands straight up, and rushes to him. He's caught completely off guard as she nearly knocks him back as she hugs him tight. Only after a moment of letting this happen does he feel the little drops of water falling from her eyes.
"L-Lynsie?"
"You have no idea how happy you make me. You are an amazing man. I'm a better person for knowing you. And if there was a way to go back in time, I'd find a way to get to you sooner."
He's blushing big time now. Putting the bottle down on his nightstand, he cups her face to look at him.
"You know I don't like crying."
"I know...But I'm just so happy."
At least she's not depressed anymore. Seeing her like that felt wrong.
"Bowser..."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you...Do you remember back at Peach's party...uh...You gave me that Pick Me Up?"
"Yeah?"
Where is she going with this? Why does she seem nervous?
"Do you remember what...What happened after I drank it?"
To be honest, he didn't. Too much has been on his mind that much of the party had been forgotten.
"Not really. But what are you getting at with th-!?"
His words are cut off by the soft feel of her lips on his and his entire body tenses. She was kissing him. She was drunk kissing him. Yet it didn't feel like she was drunk. There was nothing sloppy about how gentle she was being or how caring this action felt to him. Slowly she pulled back, her face as red as his hair, eyelids heavy in a way that made her look sleepy but awake. And he was stunned. All he could do was stare at her. God that innocent face she's making...It made him want more and that scared him.
But why did this scare him? Why fear this? This girl, one willing to be there for him, to praise him, to take care of his family, and that he himself has grown fond of just unknowingly or not gave him care. Why was that bad? Sure, she's not Peach. But frankly, Peach isn't the best option right now for being on his good side. Hell, at the rate things are going, he and Peach will get married then her sorry butt is going to the dungeon for all he cares. But this girl, his little spitfire...Maybe...Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try.
"Bowser..."
The way her voice sweetly rolled his name out...It was the straw that broke his last will of resistance. He came back to her with a kiss of his own as his arms looped around her waist, pulling her to him fully. He feared in the back of his mind that her bubbly trance would break and she'd reject him, but this fear was dashed once the feel of her small hands came to his shoulders before returning the kiss.
She's accepting me. She cares for me. She's kissing me. And she's all mine. My sweet little spitfire.
Her hands, they send shivers throughout him in all the right ways as they trace over him. One travels up the back of his head, combing through his hair while her thumb occasionally rubs his horn. Her other hand moves down and rubs into his chest plastron platelets, making him purr almost growl deep into the kiss.
His hands weren't idle in all this either. One remained on her back, kneading into her and pressing her more against him in ways that had his tail wagging in delight. His other hand found its way to her hair, casting her hair tie away and digs into her scalp the way he knows she likes, causing her to draw out a weary yet blissful moan. That sound, that delicious sound...It made his blood burn to hear it again.
He breaks the kiss to look at her. She's in a haze. Eyes glossed over, face as red as the lava that heats this land and her body is just as warm. Everything about her body language related to his past experiences to say "she wants you" and if he were any drunker, he might have listened to this old call. But he was no weakling to the bubbles in his head, nor was he blind to how, now that they weren't doing anything, she was fighting to stay awake in his arms. He may be the big bad boss, but he knew better than to do something he'd end up regretting. And if she really felt this way about him, he didn't want to ruin any chance of moments like this happening again. He makes a hard choice, but a good one.
"It's bedtime, Lynsie."
She doesn't speak. Merely rubs her face and nods in agreement. Keeping her to him, Bowser stands up and pulls the covers back off the bed, placing her in moments before noticing she's already blacked out.
"Heh...Oh, little spitfire. Part of me is hoping you remember this night. But I know you won't. The bubbles are good at messing with your head. Yet, I'll never forget this."
He leans over her and plants a kiss on her cheek, earning him some weak sleepy coos.
"Thank you, Lynsie. For everything."
A yawn finally leaves his maw and after a few stretches, he removes his shell before climbing into bed with her. Maybe it was the bubbles in his head, or maybe it was all the affection they were just sharing, but big bad Koopa was in a cuddling mood. He, this taller dominate and more masculine guy took this small gentle girl once more into his embrace. Laying on his side, her back to his stomach while also lying on her side, his top arm wrapped around her waist, and his bottom arm snaked under her neck to frame her face while not having it go numb under her. Yep, he was spooning her and he didn't care.
The last thing in Bowser's pleased mind before sleep claimed him was how this was going to play out when they wake up. Maybe she wouldn't freak out. And maybe he could resist his urges. Who knows.
[Meanwhile: in Castle one]
It had been a long and grueling battle. Mario and Luigi are no noobs when it comes to fighting. But the Axem Rangers had come a long way since their first encounter with the red hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. They had trained for this day. They had looked forward to this day. They...were beaten again.
Five bodies lay unconscious on the floor. Mario and Luigi are barely able to stand, not that they wanted to stand anytime soon at least. Battered, bruised, badly beaten, the brothers are quite the sight to see in this current state.
"*exhausted* M-Mario..."
"*exhausted* Y-Yeah Lu...Luigi?"
"Why was that-a...so hard?"
"I...I don't know...Maybe...Maybe Bowser is...*cough* taking this seriously..."
"You okay?"
"Just...need to catch my...breath..."
Luigi sits up and searches his pockets. He doesn't have much on him. Normally they collect more along the way in adventures like this, but it appears that isn't going to be the case this time. Yet he's not one to sit back and watch his brother hurt.
"Mario...Here."
Luigi tosses a scrawny mushroom and Mario weakly catches it.
"Is this...a Wilt Shroom?"
Wilt Shroom: recovers 10 HP for one ally and cannot be used in battle.
"I know it's not much. But..."
"Thanks, bro. I...I don't know what to say."
"Then eat, silly."
Mario chuckles and does just that. While resting, the exit door at the end of the room opened, revealing it has since become dark outside and it was around noon when they got to the castle. If the other six castle were going to be like this, it was not looking good for them.
"Should we keep going?"
"No, not right now. It's too late and too dark. Let's-a sleep this off and heal."
"What about them?"
Mario looks over to the Axem Rangers.
"They'll leave us alone. They did their job and lost. They'll want to not be around when we wake up."
"You've done this before, haven't you?"
"Hey, you think I clear eight lands in a single day? I rush when I can. But sometimes, you just gotta relax. Otherwise, you go nuts and burnout."
"I guess you're right. *yawns* How do you Peach is doing anyway?"
"Knowing Bowser, she's fine. Heck, she's more pampered over there than at home."
Mario stretches and lays flat, using his hat as a pillow.
"What about Lynsie?"
"Who? Bowser's girl? What about her?"
"She really didn't seem to like Peach. You're not worried about her hurting her?"
For that one Mario paused. Bowser was one thing, he loved Peach and crushed all that threatened to harm her. But this new character, Lynsie...She appeared more dangerous as not only did she strike Peach, but Bowser gave her the okay to do so.
"You may have a point there, Luigi. Still...The best thing we can do right now is rest. We'll need all of our strength for this adventure."
"Okay. You know what's best, bro."
Luigi copies his brother, laying down and using his hat as a pillow.
"Goodnight Mario."
"Goodnight Luigi."
"Goodnight Axem Rangers."
They remain silent apart from the occasional groan every now and then. Night swallows up the lands. Ending the day in the sounds of sleep. Heroes and villains, all are equal in dreams. And the one to watch over all that sleeps is the Zeekeeper.
The Zeekeeper is a large bird-like creature with a long beak, three eyes, and skinny legs. His egg-shaped body is adorned with rows of colorful feathers, which change colors as they go down his body - pink at his head, blue near his middle, and green at the base. He also has a small plume of yellow-pink feathers on his head, above his oval white eyes. When dizzied, his eyes show a sequence of expanding red and yellow rings, when he activates the Wakebeam, a third eye is seen at his upper plumes, known as his "Mind Eye".
This bird flies overhead. Dropping the occasional feather to lull even the most seasoned insomniac into the deepest of slumbers. Such is it's duty as guardian of sleep. To make sure that sleep is had and that dreams are protected. To sleep, perchance to dream. To dream, perchance wake to something more.
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.