Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
Morning comes once more, as it will until the inevitable doom's day in approximately 5 billion years. Don't know what that is? Once the Sun changes from burning hydrogen at its core to burning hydrogen around its shell, the core will start to contract and the outer envelope will expand. The total luminosity will steadily increase over the following billion years until it reaches 2,730 times the Sun's current luminosity at the age of 12.167 billion years. Most of the planet's atmosphere will be lost to space and its surface will consist of a lava ocean with floating continents of metals and metal oxides as well as icebergs of refractory materials, with its surface temperature reaching more than 2,400 K (2,130 °C; 3,860 °F). The Sun will experience more rapid mass loss, with about 33% of its total mass shed with the solar wind. The loss of mass will mean that the orbits of the planets will expand. The orbital distance of our planet will increase to at most 150% of its current value.
The most rapid part of the Sun's expansion into a red giant will occur during the final stages when the Sun will be about 12 billion years old. It is likely to expand to swallow the two planets closest to it, reaching a maximum radius of 1.2 AU (180,000,000 km). Our world will interact tidally with the Sun's outer atmosphere, which would serve to decrease the planet's orbital radius. Drag from the chromosphere of the Sun would also reduce the world's orbit. These effects will act to counterbalance the effect of mass loss by the Sun, and the world will probably be engulfed by the Sun.
The drag from the solar atmosphere may cause the orbit of the Moon to decay. Once the orbit of the Moon closes to a distance of 18,470 km (11,480 mi), it will cross the world's Roche limit. This means that tidal interaction with our world would break apart the Moon, turning it into a ring system. Most of the orbiting ring will then begin to decay, and the debris will impact the planet. Hence, even if the world is not swallowed up by the Sun, the planet may be left moonless. The ablation and vaporization caused by its fall on a decaying trajectory towards the Sun may remove the world's crust and mantle, then finally destroy it after at most 200 years. Following this event, our planet's sole legacy will be a very slight increase (0.01%) of the solar metallicity. Alternatively, should the world survive being engulfed to the Sun, the ablation, and vaporization mentioned before may strip both its crust and mantle leaving just its core.
Yet don't worry, none of that is even a cause for alarm, as no one lives that long and we'd be smart enough to warp to another world before any of that bad stuff ever happens. But enough of the doom and gloom of times that are far off. Like I said before, morning came as it will do for a long time. The people all were roused by one reason or another, sometimes no reason at all. But on this day, it was the sudden deep snoring that had finally managed to worm into young Jr.'s dreams and stirred the Prince.
"Papa...Roll over on your side...You're too loud..."
When things went silent, Jr. began slipping back into slumber...until...
"*snore*"
"Dad...Cut it out..."
To make his sleepy point, Jr. kicks at his father. Only the response he gets is a low growl that is not from his old man. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Jr. looks over to the sight that has him questioning whether or not he's still dreaming. His father laid splayed out on his back, one leg dangling off the bed, one arm lost under the pillows at the head of the bed, and the other wrapped tightly around the long body pillow to keep it to his chest. His Mama Lynn was curled up in the shadow of Bowser with her back to the King, one hand palmed under her cheek and the other arm laid snugly atop Jr. like a security blanket. This scene, however, gave the young lord a wicked idea in his plans of pushing them together.
Carefully leaving her warmth to creep along the pillows, Jr. made his way to be above his big bad dad. Once in place, he began to pull at the pillow in Bowser's hand. This was working till Bowser's grip strengthened and made pulling impossible. New plan. Now he gets closer on the edge of the bed at Bowser's side and begins to lift the pillow in his grip.
"*whispering* Easy does it...only got one shot at this...make it count..."
With enough space off his father's hulking body, Jr. flicks the pillow away so that it rolls over towards Lynsie, which it does before stopping in Jr.'s former place of rest. Such quick movement combined with Bowser shifting to find his missing pillow knocks the Koopa Prince to the floor, all be it with some silly arm flapping in the failing hopes of keeping his balance.
Resisting the urge to call out "Mama", Jr. rubs his now sore head and fanny just in time to hear a strange rumbling sound reverberate from his Papa. Moving over to the other side of the bed, Jr. climbs his way back up to find his plan coming together. Bowser was now curling his massive self around her, his unconscious form finding her warm body much more appealing than a chilled pillow. She didn't seem to be bothered by this either, smiling in her sleep and nuzzling up under his chin, causing him to snuggle even closer to her, really showing off just how big the size difference is between the two.
"*whisper* Wow...I don't know if I should take a picture, join them, or wake them to see this. Grrr...I hate multiple choices with only one answer!"
Suddenly, her hand reaches out and grabs hold of his foot. It took everything, plus holding his mouth shut, to keep himself from screaming as she pulled him to her and held him close.
"*whisper* Mama, no fair...I didn't make a choice yet."
"*yawn* I love you, sweetie."
That made him smile and put the idea of tormenting Roy with photos of this away...for now at least.
"*groggy* I love you too, spitfire."
Upon uttering those words, Bowser's eyes shot open and he instantly looked to see if anyone heard him. Lucky for him, she was still sleeping. Unlucky for him, his boy was not and was grinning ear to ear.
"*whisper* Don't you say a darn thing."
Jr.'s just keeps grinning.
"*whisper* No, no, wait...it's not what you think. Th-This is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I..."
Jr.'s grin gets bigger.
"*whisper* Listen, I am telling you...You better listen to me, Jr.!"
Jr.'s grin gets even bigger.
"*whisper* Don't. Say. One. Word."
"*whisper* You like Mama Lynn, don't you, Papa?"
Bowser begins to sweat and his eyes dart from place to place.
"*whisper* If you don't like her, then why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so guilty? And..."
"*loud whisper* Okay! Yes! I admit it, Jr.! I like Lynsie! Geez..."
"*whisper* I knew it all along, Papa. No one can resist Mama. She's just too nice."
"*whisper* That's true."
"*whisper* So...When can we break the news to Roy?"
"*whisper* ...You are way too eager to mess with him, you know that?"
Jr. giggles deviously.
"*whisper* And no, you are not telling anyone."
Jr. whines and Lynsie stirs till Bowser covers her ears.
"Not so loud."
"But why not? Shouldn't Mama know you like her? And shouldn't Roy know to back off?"
But that old Koopa was so smart and so slick, he thought up an excuse, and he thought it up quick!
"Remember that game me and her are playing? You wouldn't want her to win and not end up with me, would you? After all, Mamas should be with Papas, right?"
Playing on his son's more than known wants, Bowser effectively buys some time for his own plans.
"Okay, Papa. I won't tell...For a price."
Or maybe not.
"What do you want?"
"I want a chance to prove I'm responsible."
That's more out of left field than his curveball.
"What?"
"I want to show that I'm a big boy and can have my own castle."
"Why? You get this castle when you become King."
"That's not the point! How can I be a King if you don't let me show you that I can take care of things on my own?"
"Jr..."
Jr. looked down, not want his father to see the sadness come over him. But any parent knows when their child is feeling down. And if Bowser is anything, it's that he's a good parent.
"Maybe...Maybe it wouldn't hurt to let you be in charge someday."
Jr. looked up at Bowser like a five-year-old that was given a new puppy.
"Really? You mean it, Papa?"
"Yes. But only when I'm sick, called away for business, on vacation or whatever."
Jr. throws himself at his father, causing the King to release the girl's head to catch his boy, waking her up in the process.
"Oh, thank you, Papa! Thank you so much!"
"Yeah, yeah. Just know this...If you mess up, even once, that's it. No second chances."
"Never ever?"
"Not for a year. Or something like that."
"Don't worry, Papa. I promise. I won't let you down."
"It's too early to be making promises..."
The royal pair look down to see the halfway turned face of the girl lazily staring at them.
"I don't know what you both are planning, but go back to sleep."
With that, she lays her head back down. To Bowser, this was a sign that she wasn't in the best of moods. But to Jr., this just means Mama Lynn needs help getting her tired butt out of bed so that they can play.
"Wakey-wakey, Mama!"
A soft groan-like growl was her reply.
"Son, why don't we let her rest a bit more?"
"But today's the day I was going to race Mama in karting."
"And you still can. Just...Let her sleep for like, what, another hour or two sound okay for you, spitfire?"
She gave a thumbs up.
"See? After that, she'll be more than happy to go karting with you. But for now..."
"Okay."
Jr. lightly pats her head.
"Sweet dreams, Mama."
"...Thank you, sweetie."
Rolling over and moving onto the edge of the bed, Bowser puts his son down to put on his shell before casting a glance at the weary woman whose form barely makes a dent in his oversized bed.
"You really didn't sleep much, did you?"
She shook her head.
"Do you need anything? You know, other than the extra rest."
"I'm fine. Just tired."
Keeping it to just two-word sentences? The girl really must be more tired than he first thought.
"Papa, catch."
Jr. slides his father's shell over to the bed and Bowser scoops it up with one hand.
"Thanks."
Getting up, the King dons his shell and approaches his desk. He looks over a few things, gathering a few parchments and a large book. Jr. is curious about what his father has but figures it's grownup stuff and he can bug his Papa about it once they leave the room. No need to bother Mama, that would only make her more tired and less likely to want to play with him.
"Come along, Jr., it's time to let Lynsie be."
"Okay, Papa. See you later, Mama."
"...Laters...*yawn* sweeties..."
Bowser blushed a little. Did...Did she just...No. She's just tired. She didn't mean it. It was a slip of the sleepy tongue. Jr. patted his father's leg with a knowing smirk before the big boss Papa shook his head clear and ushered the snickering child out of the room, yet not before looking back once more.
"*whisper* You should kiss her."
Not even needing to look, Bowser flicks the back of Jr.'s head, making the boy laugh and run away.
"I'm locking the door. If you leave, remember to unlock it."
Silence.
"Lynsie?"
"...Okay."
He sighs and shuts the door.
"Note to self...When the woman says she wants to sleep, let her do so."
Shifting the things around in his hands so he can open the book, the Koopa King flips to a bookmarked page and scrolls his eyes down to the highlighted passage.
"Great, that time of the month already. *long groan* I hate Coram Ipso Rege day."
Latin for "In the presence of the king himself", this was the day where once a month, the citizens of the Kingdom are able to stand before Bowser without fear and have the opportunity to be heard or to express their views on current events/situations going on in the Kingdom. This was going to be a long day for him. One that was probably going to make him hit the bottle before bed, that's for sure.
[Meanwhile: In Castle Three]
The halls at night were filled with the sounds of grueling battle that only petered off in the first shine of day's light. The smell of burnt vegetable stew lingered in the stone walls and wafted into the air when the exit door to the castle opened, releasing from its cold depths the victors of the fight...The Brothers. Though it isn't Mario that steps out first, but Luigi. The soft-spoken and typically cowardly brother, now holds his head high and stands strong as he helps support his sibling on his shoulders.
The fight with Wart was a harder fought battle than they were expecting and even while they were prepared for it, it was still something they had a tough time with. Wart was a master in his skill of handling his bubbles and water. It took many hours for the brothers to devise a plan that forced Wart to stick to a pattern of attack, but once that was successful, Wart was no match for the barrage of vegetable that was shoved down his big fat mouth. Yet even with this win under their belt, it didn't come without a win for Wart, even if only a minor one.
During the last leg of the fight, Wart had managed to use Mario's brotherly protective nature against him. He focused on harming Luigi and knew Mario would do anything to stop his Weegee from being hurt with Luigi being none the wiser. All it took was one well-placed shot of highly pressurized water aimed at Luigi and Mario pushing him out of the way to take the shot instead. The result? Three sounds. The first, the hard thud of Mario being slammed into the stone walls. The second, the spine-chillingly loud snap of bones. And the third, Mario howling in pain. This broke Mario's right leg and, if he knew his body better, his coccyx, more commonly referred to as the tailbone.
Thus the reason for Luigi's current state of being the one that defeated Wart and why he was acting as his brother's crutches. Now a Super Mushroom would easily heal this damage or any other healing item really, but none lasted long in the fight with Wart. It will be a long trek leaving the Frozen Zone to enter the Water Zone. The cold being the biggest factor. But Luigi must press onward. Not only can Mario heal up when they reach a town, but they can restock with Nabbit and get the information that they need for the Bosses in the next four castles.
"How are you feeling, bro?"
"Like-a something is crammed up my butt."
"I think that's just-a your pride."
"No...*yelp* No, there's something broken alright."
"Hope it wasn't your hip. You're not that-a old."
"We're the same age. Just-a minute or two apart. So no age jokes, because like-a always, you're not far behind me, beanpole."
"..."
Luigi stops for a bit before walking again.
"Luigi?"
"Huh?"
"Something the matter?"
"No."
"Then why did-a you pause there for a moment?"
"Oh, no reason. Just-a considering whether or not you'd bounce if I'd drop you, butterball."
Mario bops Luigi's head, but Luigi just laughs.
"That's not funny."
"What? It will be helping you. You need to ice that bottom of-a yours, and what better than the snow?"
"Oh, I get it now. Mr. L is thinking he can come out and be all cool. Tough break for you. But if you want to be the Green Machine, then why not build something that will make this easier for us both."
Mr. L's abilities are largely the same as those of Luigi. He runs and jumps just like Luigi, with low traction and a high jump. He also has the ability to Super Jump, a skill that Luigi himself had to learn at a later date. However, Mr. L has some skills that Luigi doesn't or merely hasn't yet shown, namely his inventiveness. Though Luigi has been known to have run a mechanical-themed board in some the parties Mario throws, his mechanical skills haven't been consistently shown to match that of Mr. L. Mr. L has the intelligence to build, upgrade, and pilot his own robot, which he calls Brobot, pioneering the art he refers to as brobotics. But the one thing Mario forgets is that Mr. L doesn't bow to the man in red.
"Just-a because you're in red doesn't mean you're strong or that I have to do a thing you say. I'm only helping you because he wants to. So zip your lip, Mr. Jumpsallthetime, and be happy you're not being made to walk it off."
"*groan* I forgot you were nutjob insano. I don't know what's worse. The pain of broken bones or you yapping my ears off."
"You want pain? Those overalls are so played out."
"*gasp* You take that back!"
"Ah ha ha. Did that wound your fragile pride?"
"You're a jerk."
"I know. But you know what else?"
"What?"
"I don't care."
With that, he lets Mario go and the Hero in Red topples over, swearing in pain.
"Mamma-mia! That #%*&$ stings!"
"Now-now, no need to curse. Not when Weegee can hear you."
"When I heal...I'm-a gonna kick your butt."
"Why? Luigi didn't do anything wrong? Why punish him?"
"I mean you!"
"But you'll never know when I'm-a in control. So why not just be a good brother and let me do what I do best."
"*wince* And what's that? Being a huge tool?"
Mr. L glares.
"If I wanted to laugh at a joke, your face is inspiration enough!"
"Why you...!"
Mario is cut off when Mr. L picks him up and holds him up high by his overall straps.
"Now you listen and listen good. I'm-a tired of-a being Player 2. It's-a my time to shine! ME! Not you!"
"You know you love being my sidekick. Why else would you do it for so long?"
"Gee, that's funny. When do I ever have the chance not to be the sidekick?! Never! You always hog the spotlight! Remember the Power Tennis Tournament? Remember what happened when I won?"
"You won?"
He drops Mario and he screams, spooking the animals in the surrounding area.
"Yes, I won! I did a victory dance and everything! Then you appeared. When you arrived on stage applauding, I thought it was the best day of my life. My big shot brother is here to support me and tell me I did a great job. But no...You pat me on my back, like you cared, then told me 'Nice job' and 'Way to go'. But then, you intentionally step on my foot out of jealousy and really grind the heel into it while laughing in my face. Do you know how much you hurt me? Do you even care? You think you're a hero, but I know what you really are. You're worst than any of the villains we face. Because at least with them, you know they're bad and will do bad things. You, on the other hand, will backstab your own brother because you don't want to stop being the guy everyone loves. Well, what about me? What about Luigi?! When's my time?! Don't answer that, because now is that time! And to show you I'm-a the better man in all this...I'm-a still going to help you. But only if you say the magic words."
Mario sneers back coldly.
"Oh? And what's that?"
"Say I'm-a Player 1."
"Is that all? Okay...I'm-a Player 1."
Mario's smirk is met with a kick of snow to the face before Mr. L walks off.
"Have fun freezing to death, Mr. Iamafatredpieceof#%*&$!"
Shocked that such words even would come out of Luigi's mouth stuns Mario long enough to lose sight of his very pissed off brother.
"Luigi? Hey! Get back here! You can't leave me here! You said it yourself! He won't let you let me die! You'll be breaking Mamma's heart!"
All Mario heard was the echo of his voice fade into the whispering of the icy wind.
"Fine! Be that way, you big green baby! I'm-a Super Mario! I can do this! I can do this without you!"
So, being a big boy super duper hero that he is, Mario flopped in the snow trying to move but only succeeded in making himself look more and more like a total buffoon.
"Hey!"
Then he began to shout to the heavens...Wait...Huh?
"Yes! You!"
Dude! What are you doing? You can't break the fourth-wall like this.
"You're the narrator, right? Why are you making me out to be a bad guy?"
Am I really making you out as a bad guy? Turn that mirror back at you, Mario. I don't HAVE to make you look bad. You do a way better job at doing so than I ever could.
"What?!"
Dude, do you even know you're own history?
"What's in the past, is the past. It doesn't count to the current storyline."
Uh...Yeah. It does. The kids that grew up with you are now adults. These adults remember everything you've done and the over-all rap sheet you have is often very disturbing. Sure, the kids of today don't really care about the story, Mario runs and jumps to save the day. But the hardcore fans want to know the story, they want to understand the world and its people. And when you look at everything...I have to be honest with you man, you are a messed up guy.
"That is not true!"
Oh really? Allow me to list off a few things. See if any of this rings a bell for ya, Mr. Jumpman.
"We don't-a mention that name!"
Okay...Mr. Video.
"Not cool! I was going through a phase."
To bad! I'm the narrator, you listen. Tell me if this sounds familiar..."HELP! HELP!" cries the beautiful maiden, Pauline, as she is dragged up a labyrinth of structural beams by the ominous Donkey Kong. "SNORT. SNORT." Foreboding music warns of the eventual doom that awaits the poor girl, lest she somehow is miraculously rescued. "But wait! Fear not, fair maiden. Little Mario, the carpenter, is in hot pursuit of you this very moment." Throwing fate to the wind, risking life and limb, or worse, little Mario tries desperately to climb the mighty fortress of steel, to save the lovely Pauline from the evil Mr. Kong. Little Mario must dodge all manner of obstacles, fireballs, plummeting beams and a barrage of exploding barrels fired at him by Donkey Kong. Amidst the beautiful girl's constant pleas for help, little Mario gallantly battles his way up the barriers, he is taunted and teased by Donkey Kong, who brazenly struts back and forth, beating his chest in joyful exuberance at the prospect of having the beautiful Pauline all to himself. It is up to little Mario to get to the top. For it is there, and only there, that he can send the mighty Donkey Kong to his mortal doom. Leaving Little Mario and the beautiful Pauline to live happily ever after. "SIGH. SIGH.".
"Wow..."
I know, very cheesy. But heck, it was the 80s.
"That made it sound so cool!"
...Wow. Just wow.
"So how was that suppose make me be the bad guy?"
Donkey Kong was actually your pet ape. The only reason Donkey Kong escaped in the first place was because you were abusing him. The poor beast suffered years of physical abuse and neglect, can you blame him for reacting poorly when he finally got his shot at freedom? We don't blame the abused dog if it bites the mailman, so can we blame DK for grabbing Pauline and simply running away? He didn't even hurt anybody, he just ran. And we all know what happens next: you, possessed by the invincibility of rage, hurdles every obstacle in the pursuit of your frightened pet. Barrels will not stop you, fireballs will not stop you, ramshackle construction sites will not stop you, nothing will stop you, not even death; until you slowly but surely chase down the cornered abused terrified ape, and drop him from the top of a skyscraper.
"..."
That's not even half as bad as what you did to Donkey Kong Jr. If I may...After the events with Donkey Kong, as revenge for kidnapping Pauline, you've recaptured Donkey Kong and now his son Donkey Kong Jr. has to save him. Donkey Kong Jr. traveled from the jungle to the big city to get his father back, climbing vines, avoiding enemies and jumping on platforms along the way. However, every time Donkey Kong Jr. gets close to freeing his father, you just push him further away. Finally, in your hideout atop a skyscraper, you and Jr. meet at last. Donkey Kong Jr. had to put six keys into their keyholes to free his dad and make the platform they're standing on disappear. Donkey Kong and you both fall down and Donkey Kong Jr. catches his father. But you...You just hit the ground. Donkey Kong Jr. carries his dad off back to their home as you get up then run after them, only to be kicked right back out by Donkey Kong, forcing you to flee.
"So what was bad in this one?"
You seriously don't remember? You attempted to stop the young ape from getting his own father back and released various types of traps mainly consisting of other animals and electricity. The main bad here is that you decide that it's important to not only keep Donkey Kong in captivity forever but to actually kill the adorable son that tried to rescue his father instead of imprisoning him. And to top it all off you whipped the animals that worked for you. Not only making it so that this young ape has to die just because it doesn't want to live/be raised alone, presumably just trying to save what is apparently the only family he has left, but you send out slave labor to kill him. And this slave labor is treated as poorly as it possibly can. From alligators to birds with abnormally large beaks, to vultures, you whip every single animal you can get those gloved hands on. But not only that, you dangled fruit just out of their reach, torturing them, letting them know who's in charge.
"It wasn't that bad."
Really? You treated his father better when he was your pet. You were just out of college, a bachelor with a pet ape. You forced poor Donkey Kong to perform at the circus by juggling pineapples and dodging fireballs. Whenever he either got hit by a fireball or drops a pineapple, you'd laugh at him.
"I'm-a sensing a theme here."
You suck with animal, dude. And you're just as bad with people.
"Oh yeah? Prove it!"
One word...Yoshi.
"Damn it."
Yoshies helped save and raise you when you were a baby...Why as an adult is it okay to sacrifice them for an extra jump? When the dinosaurs of the Yoshi clan eat certain enemies they get the power to fly or spit fire or even cooler stuff. This is an amazing skill, and a wondrous, giving animal that should be treasured, preserved and kept safe. Instead, you drop them into pits of certain death! What the hell? Why is this necessary? Can't you climb? Can't you just get a running start, or maybe go somewhere to eat the right enemies so that you and your brave loyal friend can both make it to save Peach? No. Apparently, this is too hard for you. You're the kind of guy that feels he has to resort to launching his poor unsuspecting friend into what I can only imagine is a limitless chasm filled with death just long enough to realize that someone they trusted has betrayed them. This will be any Yoshi's last thought if they are hatched by you.
"Uh..."
Not only that, but how is it you tell a Yoshi to eat something?
"I can explain..."
You punch them in the back of the head! Do you know what kind of damage that does to the brain? Why are you not in jail?! Oh, that's right, they don't live long enough to tell anyone what happened.
"Now that's out of line."
I'm not even done yet.
"Oh come on."
Speaking of Peach...Most victims of any kind of assault, no matter how minor, if they have the right support systems, eventually seek out some form of protection or insurance to make sure that what happened to them will never happen to them again. Princess Peach isn't that smart. And I don't know, maybe you trust her more than you should, or maybe you just don't care, but either way, you're being a completely negligent jerkwad by letting her get captured time and time again. If it's really that dangerous in the Mushroom Kingdom with Bowser around, then why the hell doesn't everyone just move out of the Mushroom Kingdom? With the amount of building demolitions, explosions, flying bombs, completely crazy stuff running around, the Mushroom Kingdom seems like the worse place to live. Either way, through your travels, you've has encountered warp whistles, giant boots that protect you and help you get around, suits that make you powerful, invincibility stars, the ability to throw fire, the ability to travel underwater faster than a normal human being and, most importantly, mushrooms that make you a giant. Why don't you share this with Peach?!
"I do! She just...Doesn't use them. I think she just throws them in a closet somewhere."
If you bothered to not just save her, which, as it turns out, is really quite the bandage solution when it comes to her, but actually protect her, you'd not only teach her how to fight, but you'd arm her with the weapons that have allowed you to save the day countless times.
"You know how she is. She doesn't listen to anyone. She thinks she knows everything. It's like talking to a brick wall."
Just think about how much easier life would be if she had the Mushroom Kingdom's version of pepper spray on her at all times. Problem solved.
"I know!"
Not only that but if she's had the power to fly for YEARS, then why the hell doesn't she just do that all the time?
"It's more of a floating ability and not really flying. But I see what you mean."
If Princess Peach could defend herself, we wouldn't have to deal with all the political turmoil in the Mushroom Kingdom, and most importantly, we wouldn't have to deal with you being a huge butthole.
"Hey!"
Now for my best piece of evidence...Your brother.
"I don't want to talk about him."
Have you ever had an errand you needed to run? A really important, life-or-death errand that you had to deal with that you were not only responsible for but would endanger other people's lives? You have. You do all the time for some reason, most likely because of your high-maintenance girlfriend, or another. And when you do, you bring your brother and treat him like a second-class citizen the entire time.
"I'm-a not gonna take this from some voice in another dimension."
Oh yeah? Then go. Walk away. Stand on that messed up leg and leave. I dare you.
"...I hate my life today."
You know all those power-ups that make a person stronger, more powerful and that increase their ability to survive in the life or death situations that are scattered around the Mushroom Kingdom? You always get first dibs. Not ONCE has Luigi ever been given the Player 1 spot. Only in his own stories, but that's basically like saying that sure, your brother never gets served first at dinner at your house but he always eats first when he's alone!
"This again?"
That not only doesn't cater to having a healthy fraternal relationship, but it means that you are an entitled egotist who thinks the world revolves not only around you because that would be too humble for the great Super Mario, but it revolves around your problems. If I were Luigi, I'd have probably snapped at you too after developing an alternate persona because my pain of a brother keeps crushing my hopes and dreams. And to top it all off, at the end of the day, Luigi doesn't even get to reap the fruits of the labor. You get all the glory and Luigi rarely ever gets a simple thank you. So not only is Luigi being dragged along for something that shouldn't even be his problem, he's being dragged along for a thankless life-threatening deed. Luigi, therefore, is the greatest hero of the Mario franchise.
"Oh heck no! No way am I second banana to little Weegee."
Sucks to be you, jerk. You may be the hero in small print, but in the big picture, Luigi is #1.
"You change things so I'm-a not bad and become the good guy again. Do it right now!"
Dude, I can't change the direction of the narrative, I only reiterate the present action.
"So I'm-a stuck like this? Am...Am I really gonna die out here?"
Oh for the love of all that is! Have you learned nothing from what I've been telling you?
"Um...Refresh my memory?"
Swallow your stupid pride and say Luigi is Player 1! That is literally all you have to do and we can move on the rest of the story!
"Never!"
Are you really so ego driven that you're willing and knowingly choosing to die a terrible frozen death than to let your brother be the main character?
"Uh..."
Unbelievable. Well, I tried. Good luck dying.
"Wait! Is there something going to happen? You know...Something that saves me?"
Heck if I know.
"But you said..."
Dude, I'm not even real. I'm the manifestation of your conscious given a voice in your head to contemplate your life before death sets in. You've been sitting in this snow long enough for hypothermia to set in. I give you five minutes before game over, then again, neither of us are doctors.
"But...I am a doctor."
Come on, be honest for once. That medical degree is not necessarily legitimate.
"Yeah. Still, coin well spent."
I'm not going to miss you. I'm ashamed to be part of you. But I do hope you become a better person in the next game. And if by some miracle you live...At least try not to be so pathetic.
"Wait...So...I've been talking to myself this whole time? How come you don't-a have an accent?"
*winds blowing*
"Super...I'm-a going to die and I'm-a crazy. *sigh* Maybe it's right. I am pathetic. I treat others like trash. I can't keep a job. I'm-a terrible with money. I've killed so many. And for what? The money? The fame? The cake? The women? What do I have to show for it? Sure, I'm-a hero and looked up to be all. Everywhere I go, I'm-a recognized and treated like royalty. ... What was I talking about again?"
The cold setting in his veins, Mario's body is shutting down.
"Heh...Must be really funny. Headline: Super Mario found frozen to death and smelling like vegetable frog soup. Under that, Bowser and Peach wedding accepts ice Mario as decoration. *snickering* The photos will be hilarious!"
Clearly losing his mind, only now Mario really lets his life flash before his eyes. Seeing all the good, the bad, the ugly, the bad again, then the really ugly, and then the tiny good. Yet amongst these thoughts, something sparks in his small heart...Regret.
"I'm-a such an idiot. I'm-a gonna die and all because I couldn't be nice to my own brother. *whimpers* Luigi...I'm-a sorry. I wish I could've said that sooner. If the wind can carry my last wish, I want you to know something. There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost. The truth is I've always been a fool. It's better to live as your own man, than as a fool in someone else's dream. I know you can do better than me, bro. I've just been scared. *cries* Scared you'd get hurt doing the things I do. I guess somewhere along the line, I got scared of you. Scared of you becoming better than me and I tried to keep you down. Yet you're too strong. Even I can't keep you down. I know you feel and get treated like Player 2 all the time...But...You will always be my Player 1. *sobs* I love you, Luigi! I freaking love you, bro!"
"I love you too, you nitwit."
The sudden voice followed by the feeling of him being lifted out of the snow alerts Mario to his savior.
"*sniffles* L-Luigi? You came back?"
"Bro, I never left. I was behind a tree this whole time. You know I wouldn't leave you."
This sounded like Luigi and not Mr. L.
"So...You...You heard all that?"
"The nice things you said? Yes. You talking to yourself? Also yes. The cold really got to you, bro."
Luigi, now holding his brother close in his arms, begins the long walk all over again. Mario wanted to complain about the embarrassing way he was being held, but he was in no position to really speak. He was getting a ride, his pain was numb with frost, and his brother was back to normal and warm.
"So Mario..."
"Yeah?"
"Am I really your Player 1?"
Mario paused. The talk he had with himself lingering in his head and the guilt that was building over the years, maybe it was the cold, but he didn't feel like playing the bad guy anymore.
"Yeah, bro. You really are."
Luigi's eyes shine.
"Thanks, Mario."
Could it really have been this simple? All it took to break this unhealthy cycle on them was for Luigi to snap at Mario and for Mario to nearly die. Okay, so it wasn't simple. And who knows how long it will last. But at least for now, they weren't at each other's throats and this self-esteem boost made Luigi move faster through the snow. Soon enough they'll make it to the Water Zone. It's only a matter of time.
[Meanwhile: In Bowser's Bedroom]
Slowly I stir awake during a long stretch and even longer yawn that reveals that I've been chewing on a pillow for some time.
"What was I dreaming about? Oh well..."
I fluff out the pillow and cram it into the bottom of the pile.
"No harm, no foul."
I slide out of bed with a light bounce and then fall to my knees.
"Okay...legs are still asleep."
I look around and spy a door.
"Good thing I know a way to fix that. But first..."
I crawl over to the main door and undo the lock.
"See Bowser? I was listening. It didn't seem like it, but I was."
With that little issue out of the way, I make my way over to the other side of the room and open the other door. Lucky for me, my guess of this door wasn't a closet but was his private bathroom.
"Sleepy legs stand no chance once in the relaxing waters of a nice long soak."
Bowser, being a very large guy, possesses very large accommodations. The sink alone is bathtub sized for a human. So his tub is like a mini-pool to me. The perfect size to just get lost in and relax for a bit. And that is what I intend to do before going about the day, or whatever time of the day this is, with the kids. So on goes the water, in goes some soap, and off goes all of my clothing in a neat little pile in the corner as I get in while it fills. Automatically, my body wakes up and loosens up as I float in the suds.
"*peaceful sigh* It's good to be the king."
[Meanwhile: In the Throne Room]
"*weary grumble* It sucks to be the king."
"What was that your majesty?"
"Huh? Nothing. How many more subjects are there to see me, Kamek?"
"Just one more then it's over."
"Thank god."
"I know you don't like this, but it's almost over."
"Next time, we're letting Jr. sit in and let him see how this goes."
"Good idea. The boy can use the experience. *unintelligible mumble* Okay...Next, a Shelldin Koopa."
In walks a Koopa with a gold shell, his beak pointed up with the expression of someone with narcissism and inflated ego.
"Greetings, your eminence. I am Dr. Shelldin Koopa and I have much to inform you."
"*sarcastic* Oh, I bet you do."
"...Sarcasm?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Oh good, I'm getting better at recognizing it."
Bowser groans and shifts in his throne.
"Get on with it please."
"Right. *ahem* I propose that no 'hootenannies', sing-alongs, raucous laughter, the clinking of glasses, celebratory gunfire, or barbershop quartets take place after 10.p.m. as well as no whistling, no spontaneous Biohazard drills, or Tuvan throat singing."
Both Bowser and Kamek share odd looks.
"Why?"
"To maintain a pristine night's sleep. If our neuroreceptors don't get enough REM sleep, they lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine. Which leads to impaired cognitive function. And Sire, I can't tell you enough how much I need my ability to process thoughts."
"And why is that?"
"I'm a theoretical physicist."
"And what does that mean?"
"Theoretical physics is a branch of physics which employs both mathematical models and abstractions of physics in an attempt to explain natural phenomena. Its central core is mathematical physics, though other conceptual techniques are also used. The goal is to rationalize, explain and predict physical phenomena. The advancement of science depends in general on the interplay between experimental studies and theory. In some cases, theoretical physics adheres to standards of mathematical rigor while giving little weight to experiments and observations. For example, while developing special relativity, Albert Einstein was concerned with the Lorentz transformation which left Maxwell's equations invariant but was apparently uninterested in the Michelson-Morley experiment on Earth's drift through a luminiferous ether. On the other hand, Einstein was awarded the Nobel Prize for explaining the photoelectric effect, previously an experimental result lacking a theoretical formulation."
Somewhere, a cricket is chirping.
"Did you understand any of that?"
"Some, but not all."
The smartypants Koopa is unamused.
"Also...Once a year, I'd like it if the Kingdom takes one day to celebrate the contributions I give to the land, both real and imaginary."
"No."
"Oh...Well then...Any changes in landscape or Kingdom itself should have to be approved by a committee, myself included, which meets on alternate years."
"Again I ask...Why?"
"I don't like change."
"And again, I say no. Got anything else that doesn't sound like a bunch of crazy nonsense?"
"A rule that makes it so others have to put up with idiosyncrasies a.k.a. my 'craziness'."
"Denied."
"Very well...Then how about implanting microchips in the skulls of others that explode when they say something stupid?"
"Not a bad idea...But no."
The brainy Koopa is baffled.
"Odd. This whole interaction seems to have been an exercise in futility."
"Maybe next time, don't to push unreasonable requests that don't benefit anyone apart from yourself."
"If that's the case...You won't be seeing me again."
"*sarcastic* Oh no. That's such a shame. We're really going to miss you."
"Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm...You may not realize it, but I have difficulty navigating certain aspects of daily life. You know, understanding sarcasm, feigning interest in others, not talking about trains as much as I want. It's exhausting!"
"*sarcastic* That sounds so terrible. You poor thing."
"You know what. I don't always recognize sarcasm, but I do right now and I don't appreciate it."
"I'm sorry to hear that. As you know, the primary focus of the Koopa Kingdom is people's feelings."
"If that's sarcasm, please save it for our enemies."
"Let me make this abundantly clear...Get out. Now!"
"I'll go. But not before I leave a strongly written complaint about how absurd you..."
The Koopa is rendered silent, completely engulfed in the raging flames spewing forth from the maw of a very annoyed Bowser in a frustrated roar. When the fire ceases, all that remains is a gold shell and a small pile of coins.
"A bit much, don't you think?"
"I consider this a personal record. I only roasted one person. You know that number is normally higher when I'm this bugged."
"True. So...What do I do with that?"
"Keep the coins and toss the shell in with the others in storage."
"*sigh* One day, these shells will be filled once more and that warehouse will be empty."
"We can only hope, Kamek."
Kamek floats over to the remains, taking the coins and shell away. When a Koopa passes, their shell is saved and made ready to be used again by the next generation. However, with the rate of deaths caused by the Mushroom Kingdom heroes, the number of shells is vastly bigger than the number of newborns. Koopa egg-laying varies according to the type. Some species only lay a single egg. Others lay up to 30. Even within some very similar types, there can be considerable variations. But a typical clutch of eggs is usually between 6-10 eggs. But whether or not those eggs hatch is all up to how they born and how they are tended to. If the mother is overstressed in the laying process, it will impact the eggs and her willingness to take care of them. Which is why there's the saying of "A happy mate will incubate".
Now that all that bothersome boring stuff is done, Bowser leaves his throne and heads to get a drink from his stash. Lord knows, after all that mess, he really needed it. Checking his phone for the time, it was now well into the late afternoon. He had missed both breakfast and lunch, making his stomach very grumpy for being empty for so long. First, he'll fill up on bubbly. Then, he'll stuff his face with as much as his heart desires. And when done, he'll sleep like a baby. At least by this hour, Lynsie should've already left his room. He only hoped that she remembered to unlock the door before leaving the room.
Reaching his room, Bowser was relieved that at least one thing was done right and the girl had been listening to him, finding his chamber door unlocked. Entering the room, all seemed normal apart from her shell still being there. Maybe she forgot it or didn't have time to put it on before one of the kids dragged her away, no big deal really. Ah, his nightstand bottle of champagne. How the bubbles called to him with the need of dulling the last several hours from his memories. Not much was left in the said bottle, so why not just down it all? Besides, if he let it sit any longer it won't be as good anymore.
When leftover, uncorked champagne that has been left out unrefrigerated overnight, bacteria begin to multiply and the bubbly begins to lose some of its bubble and buzz, but it is still safe to drink. The flavor and fizz begin to diminish after just a few hours, but it is still drinkable for several days. Exposure to oxygen is the biggest culprit in wine spoilage. Wines with lower pH such as white wines, including champagne, are more resistant to spoilage because of their higher acidity levels. However, once exposed to air, all wines begin to oxidize, which changes the drink's flavor and microbial concentrations. In a matter of days, acetobacter bacteria begin to multiply, changing the sweet champagne to acidic vinegar. Warmer temperatures speed spoilage, so champagne left on the counter will turn sour more quickly than if it were stored in the refrigerator. Wines left out for longer periods may begin to develop a fungus layer called "mother of vinegar". The carbonation in champagne is due to the carbon dioxide produced during the second fermentation. Under pressure, the carbon dioxide remains intact. However, once the cork is popped the pressure is released and the CO2 escapes rapidly. After just a few hours the champagne will go flat and lose its characteristic fizz. Alcohol evaporates quickly. When left unopened and exposed to air, the alcohol in champagne quickly dissipates. The glass that left you giggly last night will hardly elicit a snicker the next day. But Bowser knows better than to leave bottles open, so his finery lasts much longer.
"*satisfied sigh* Mmmm...Much better."
He plays with the now empty bottle, tossing it up and catching it to do so again.
"I wonder...If I request it now, would the chefs make me a Meteor Meal with a Gorgeous Steak on the side? That would so hit the spot right now. ...Yeah, I'm calling them."
And so he hit a speed dial on his phone.
"This the Kitchen? Good. Can you guys make a Meteor Meal and Gorgeous Steak then send it all up to my room? I'm starving! Oh! And add some Red Dragon Ramen."
The call ends and his stomach growls with anticipation.
"I know, just be patient. Soon you'll be as satisfied as when we tackled that all you can eat buffet tour."
His stomach rumbles in the memory, but then the rumbles began to not feel right.
"Uh oh...Wait...This could be a false alarm. But...Better be safe than sorry."
Heading to his bathroom, something else begins to alert Bowser's senses. The refreshing scent of manly confident and swagger, which happens to smell like lime and cedarwood. That's when it hits him. Someone is using his private bathroom and his body wash! This will not stand! He kicks the door open.
"Who the heck do you think you...!?"
There was a subtle splash of something submerged in the tub water and it made him grin devilishly.
"Oh, that's cute. You think you can hide. Okay, I'll play along. *teasing* Oh no. Where did the intruder go? They could be anywhere."
He made his way slowly over to the tub, using the passing time to force his newest victim to show themselves.
"Come out, come out, you dirty little snake. You can't hold your breath forever."
Bubbles steadily breach the surface and Bowser was ready to grab this poor sap before drowning them. Though this idea changes when long brown locks become more apparent and hair like that is only on one person in the whole castle, making him back away blushing before her head came out of the water.
"Um...H-Hi there."
She giggled in nervous embarrassment and he couldn't blame her, this wasn't something that could be made normal. He wasn't even facing her, eye contact would be WAY too weird right now, so it's just her staring at his glorious shell. At least nothing creepy or perverted can happen if no one sees anything.
"H-Hey...uh...I thought you were with the kids."
"Yeah...I woke up late and my body was still half asleep, so I took a chance by washing up to wake up. If that makes any sense."
"N-No, I get it. Sometimes I need to wake up with a shower. It's not a problem."
"...If it means anything, you have a great choice in cleansers."
"Oh yeah?"
"I really like this scent. There's this citrus hint blended with a type of wood. Very nice."
She likes it? He uses it all the time and never did she say anything. Wait, never mind, it fades off quickly because of the heat of his body. No wonder she's never noticed before. Cedarwood has a warming and gentle action on the mind and body. It also has an amazing scent to the senses. It's a great option for massage as it alleviates stress and muscular tension. As a bonus, it's also an aphrodisiac.
"Did...Did you need to use the bathroom?"
That burst his thought bubbles but not the ones floating in his brain.
"Oh! No. I was just seeing who had the nerve to use my stuff."
"Well, nerve had nothing to do with it. But you know me by now. I'm not one to shy away from things. Even if they're about you."
That peaked his interest.
"Being a bit brave, don't you think?"
"How so?"
"While I did let you sleep in my bed, I never said you were allowed in my bathroom or able to use my things. The way I see it, you're thinking you can be naughty and get away with it."
He smirked and just barely looked over his shoulder, making her lower into the water to avoid him.
"That's not what my intentions are."
"I don't know...You being so comfortable around me to the point that you haven't even once told me to get out while you're in your birthday suit? That screams naughty to me."
She's flustered to the point her face matches his hair in color.
"Sir, you insult my honor."
Even in a vulnerable state, she wouldn't let that fire he enjoys burn low. This, mixed with the bubbles affecting him, was letting himself get cockier than he probably should be in this type of situation.
"And what are you going to do about it, spitfire?"
"Don't make me get out of this tub to slap that goofy smirk off your face."
She was bluffing. She had to be. No way she would actually do that. No sane woman would.
"You wouldn't dare. Even you aren't foolish enough to do so."
"Are you so sure?"
Part of him knows she meant that. She wasn't like other girls. She'd strike him if he pushed hard enough. But God knows he loves to tease her. And that will one day be his undoing. This was almost that day. As his current state called her out on the bluff by him attempting to turn around to face her. The moment he did so, there was a splashing sound and the next thing he saw was a small glimpse cleavage then water in his eyes.
"*roar* GRRRROAR! W-What the hell, woman?!"
She took advantage of the soapy water temporarily blinding him to exit the bath and wrap up in a towel the size of a blanket.
"You know you can tease me, I'm completely fine with that. It's part of the game we play after all. But I will not let you overstep boundaries that will turn this sweet friendship into something sour. Do you understand, my King?"
He rubbed his eyes thoroughly, gaining back enough vision to make out objects and her collecting her belongings. He growls, not at her, but at himself. She had prevented something stupid from even starting that would've cost him his end game reward which she has no clue about. He felt like a fool.
"Are you alright?"
She comes to his side, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, making him flinch and blush a little.
"Yeah...Yeah, I'm okay. Just need a moment."
"Is it okay if I redress in your room?"
"Yes."
She gives him a look of concern but leaves him be to go dress. He's quiet for a bit, waiting for her to be far enough away to not hear him.
"This is so hard...Why can't you just be on my level? I want you, I need you, I love you. I thought I could live without romance. But then you came to me. Now I know that I will go on loving you eternally. Won't you please...Please be my own? Please..."
"*muffled* Bowser?"
He rubs his face and straightens up.
"Yes?"
"*muffled* You can come out now. If you're ready that is."
He sighs and swallows a worrying lump in his throat. Kamke told him not to do anything. To let her come to him. But really, how is she suppose to know to go to him if he doesn't even try? No more. No more waiting for her to find the breadcrumbs that aren't even scattered. He was going to plant the seed of interest in her heart and he was going to do that now. Exiting the bathroom, that scent of lime hinted cedarwood came to him strong and it smothered his senses as he came to her.
"Bowser? Is everything alright?"
He says not a single word. Just meeting her gaze with his fiery eyes.
"Bow...!"
She's rendered silent when he suddenly embraces her.
"B-Bowser?"
"Hold me close and hold me tight."
Her concern grew as she did as told.
"Are you frightened?"
"More like confused. But this is fine. I've told you before, I'm here for you if and when you need me."
"Lynsie...People are fragile creatures and they need too many things to live."
"Huh?"
"They need an atmosphere with the right amount of oxygen, water, food, gravity, and so on. That goes for everything. Including me. But I've discovered that I only need one thing to make all these efforts worth it though."
"You have?"
He nods.
"Do you know what that is?"
"What?"
He leans into her ear.
"That thing is you."
She looks at him confused.
"I don't understand."
He rolls his eyes.
"I know you're not naïve. I'm saying I like you."
"You...like me? As in, you have feelings for me?"
"Yes."
"...Is that a joke?"
"Huh? No. I mean it."
She lets him go and now he's confused.
"Lynsie?"
"Bowser...I...I can't do this."
"Wha...W-Why? Don't tell me you've actually fallen for one of the kids."
"No! God, we talked about this. They're kids."
"Then what's the problem? I thought you liked me too?"
"I do like you. Hell, you're the first guy to treat me with the same amount of respect I give out."
"Then why not give me a shot?"
"Because...You're marrying Peach."
"So? I don't love her. You know I'm just using her to get the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Motives don't matter. She will still be your wife. If anything happens between us once the marriage is official, it's adultery. And I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be your royal mistress."
"But...I...We...You..."
She moves out of his hold.
"I'm sorry. I have to go tend to the children now."
"Wait! Please don't go! At least let me try something before you dismiss me completely."
"I don't know..."
"Please?"
His voice was pleading and his eyes begging. She knew this was something that might be regrettable later, but really, how could she be so cruel as to deny him when he's willing to put aside his pride.
"Oh...Fine. Just promise me it's not going to be..."
Once more he silences her, only this time not with a hug, but a kiss. At first, his hands were on her waist. This was a good option as they've never kissed like this before and he was feeling unsure about what to do with his hands. They rested lightly on her waist, gently gripping her hips while the kissing continued. After a bit, she tried to use her hands to end the kiss. Normally, this sort of thing put out the message that this means they want to stop, even going so far as to apply pressure to his chest to push away, but he wasn't getting the hint.
Keeping things going, Bowser tries to be a bit bold. Feeling comfortable enough with her, and having a desire to do more than just kiss that he hopes is mutual, he starts using his hands to explore the rest of her body. His hands slide up her sides before running down her arms and back. Going slowly so he can gauge her reaction. She's hesitant and reluctant at first, but when he slows things down by pausing the kiss, she didn't push him anymore.
They merely stared at one another. Each one afraid to speak first. Bowser wasn't sure if he had screwed up or not, he couldn't read her at all to know if she was okay or about to smack him. He was about to say something when she suddenly grabs his face with both hands and gently pulls him closer to restart the kiss. Bowser was frozen on the spot. Her small hands gently caressing his cheeks, gliding their way down his neck, and coming to rest on his shoulders. Was this her way of accepting him? Or was she just playing the role as part of their little teasing game for payback? Whatever her reason for kissing him now, he didn't care. Her tenderness was all that his mind was paying attention to till it ended.
"*coos* Mmmmm...Why'd you stop?
"I wanted to get that out of my system."
She sounded so numb. Like she was trying to detach from the moment. It made him pout.
"So you really felt nothing? Not even a little bit?"
"I...I'm not saying I did, but I'm also not saying I didn't. Though it did feel oddly familiar for some reason. No clue why."
That made him a little nervous. Best not mention the drunk kissing right now.
"Yeah, that is odd...But...There's a chance? For us I mean."
"Please...Don't make this harder than it has to be."
She attempts to walk away, but he grabs her hand.
"Bowser, stop."
"Listen, you can go, but I want you to know...This spark we have...I'm not going to let it die. I respect that you don't want to do something that seems so disgraceful. But I can't stop the way I feel. Sometimes I wonder how I got through all these years when I didn't know you because I need you more than anything else now. So go. Take care of the children. Yet always know that when you're ready, I'm here for you and waiting to share these feelings with you as much as you want from me."
She trembled in his clutches, fighting her feelings and now this urge to weep. He waits a couple moments for his words to sink in before letting her go. She's still for a while, lost in contemplation. Slowly though, she makes her way to his chamber door and he sighs to himself, running a hand through his hair to calm himself. Maybe Kamek was right. Maybe this would've worked had he done nothing.
"Bowser..."
She was paused in the doorway, her eyes cast to the floor yet clearly showing her internal struggle.
"Lynsie?"
"...I...I'll think about it."
Or maybe Kamek doesn't know shit! She's willing to consider it! Yes! Bowser for the win!
"You will?"
"It's like I've been telling you...You deserve to be loved. Not liked, not lusted after, not settled for, but loved. You deserve for someone to be so enamored with you that they can't focus on anything else. You deserve for someone to be so lost in your eyes that they don't even notice your body. You deserve for someone to want to kiss your face just as much in the light of the day as they do it in the heat of the night. You deserve someone to want nothing from you but to know you. You deserve someone to listen to you for hours, just trying to crack the code that is your heart. You deserve someone to love every little piece of you, not just your face or your body or your availability. You deserve to be held by secure arms and kissed by familiar lips. You deserve loyalty, you deserve security, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be swept off your feet. I only want to see you and the kids happy. So if you believe that I can really grant such happiness...Then I want to do what I can to help make sure that wish comes true. But still, you have to let me do so on my terms. I'm not a toy. I'm not a mistress. I'm your friend and always will be. I just...*sniffles* I need to think more about this."
"Shhhhh...Don't cry."
Lost in her melancholy, she didn't notice him coming up behind her to stroke her hair sweetly.
"You know I don't like seeing you cry. Don't let it smother you. There's no time limit, just take as long as you need to sort things out. I only wanted to let you know how I feel."
"I know...Thank you, my King."
He nuzzles the top of her head.
"You are more than welcomed, spitfire."
With that, she takes her leave of him and he shuts the door, leaning his face on it in thought. He still had a chance with her. It blew his mind that after everything, she was giving him a shot. He had to have her now more than ever. She was his fate. She was his...wait...What's that thing called again? Oh yeah! A soulmate. A soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is someone who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person who manages to revolutionize your world in a second. That was Lynsie in a nutshell, his little spitfire. But he had to be patient or possibly ruin everything. She will come to him when ready. It's only a matter of time.
[Meanwhile: At the Cheep Cheep River Inn]
It had taken much of the day due to a sudden snowstorm, but Luigi had managed to get himself and his brother Mario out of the Frozen Zone to be in the Water Zone. Even luckier was them being recognized in the town on borderline and given free accommodations at the local Inn. Adding to this luck of theirs was Nabbit, who had just so happened to be staying in the room next door.
"So how is Mario?"
"He's sleeping right now, but we'll see how healed he'll be when he wakes up."
"I'll be honest with you, buddy. I didn't think the guy was capable of being so selfless like that."
"That's my bro. Just-a full of surprises."
"That's for sure."
"Hey, Nabbit...You wouldn't have happened to..."
"Have the low down on the other boss castles? Right here in my bag."
"Can I have it?"
"That depends...You have the coin for it?"
Luigi sighs.
"How much this time?"
"While I don't have information on all of the remaining castles, I did manage to get some great stuff on Castle Four and Five. Castle Six for some reason is being difficult to find information about. So...Let's make it thirty-five coins."
"That's the one in the Sky Zone, right?"
"Yep. Not an easy place for me to get to either. I can't fly."
"I understand."
Luigi pays the rabbit and Nabbit hands over two folders.
"Let's-a see...*mumbling to self* Dunk & Shoot? Never heard of them. Have you?"
"Dunk is a rabbit that plays basketball and has the ability to transform into a basketball. Shoot is also a rabbit but he plays soccer and has the ability to transform into a soccer ball. Word is they've been experimenting with combining the two sports and learning new things individually."
"Oh boy. Good thing we do all those sporting events."
"I don't think knowing sports will help you both in Castle Five."
Curious, Luigi looks in that castle's folder and when he reads about the boss his heart nearly stops.
"*fearful stammering*"
"Yeah, you know the Bowser is serious about crushing you when he's brought in the dragon siblings."
"Bonetail, Gloomtail, and Hooktail...I thought they were dead!"
"There's your problem. You guys beat people up to where they are unconscious or near death, but you never really check to see if they're actually dead. Hooktail merely fainted, not died. Gloomtail was hurt more, but again just fainted. And Bonetail, that dragon is so old and full of magic for a Dry, it wouldn't surprise me if it's somehow gained undead immortality. Best you can do about that one is knock it out."
Luigi takes his hat off and wipes the sweat from his brow.
"And to take on all three at once...Do you have anything to help beat them with?"
"Hooktail has a weakness for cricket chirps and frog croaks, it makes them physically ill. The other two aren't so convenient as to have a comically easy weakness."
"Of course not. But how do I..."
Nabbit holds up two badges.
"One makes you sound like crickets, the other like frogs."
Nabbit slides them over the Luigi who looks confused.
"What?"
"You're not, you know, gonna ask me for coin?"
"The way I see it, you need these more than I need small coin. Besides...If you and Mario die, I don't get paid. So these and a few other gifts are on the house."
Luigi decided to ignore Nabbit's attempt at sounding like he didn't care and smiled at the thrifty rabbit.
"Thanks, Nabbit. You're a good friend."
"Don't mention it."
Nabbit drops off a bundle of items and power-ups.
"Before I go, can I offer you some advice?"
"Um...Sure?"
"Copy your brother one more time and rest. You look tired. This adventure is taking its toll on you both in ways you can't see."
Luigi is unsure how to respond to that as Nabbit leaves the brothers' room. Looking over the papers, the items, and then his brother, Luigi believes Nabbit's 'advice' is worth following. This adventure was more than just a 'rescue the Princess' thing and somehow was less dangerous than the brothers' personal battles that have made them clash along the way. A rest would be the best right now and so he did just that. Kicking off his shoes, crawling into bed, and hoping things would be better later. But he had something left to say to his unconscious healing brother.
"Mario...When we fight, we may fight like the worst of enemies. But when we come together, we become a powerful force like no other. You are there for me when I need help, you protect me like no one else, and most of all, you love me. We may fight, scream, and argue, but under it all is a love. I love you, bro. Sweet dreams, Mario."
"*snore*"
Luigi chuckles and rolls over. Sleep sets in quickly after being awake and fighting for over 30 hours.
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.