Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
I walk the halls a tad numb. I wasn't expecting Bowser to do any of this. To admit his feelings for me. To want me to be his while in marriage with Peach. To kiss me. To get me to kiss back. So much happened in a matter of minutes that my head is still spinning.
"Why? Why did he have to spring that on me? Dang it, Bowser...What am I suppose to do now?"
He likes me. He has feelings for me. That's all fine and dandy for him, but what the hell on my end of this thing? I mean...I do like him. Hell, he's got a better shot than anyone else that I can think of. But can I really say I feel the same? Do I like Bowser like that? I know I care for the guy. I care for his kids...Oh crap! The kids. How the fuck am I suppose to explain this to the kids?
"Pardon us!"
"Coming through!"
I press my body along a wall as a few of the kitchen's head cooks rush a loaded chart of food toward Bowser's chamber. Guess the big guy got hungry and ordered room service. Lucky him. Forgetting his troubles in food yet able to keep that great figure. No! Don't think like that! Just get all thoughts out of your head for awhile. Just...go...blank.
I pause for a bit. Long enough for a small hand to take mine and start leading me away. When my brain registers the world around me again, I notice Lemmy is holding my hand and rolling on his ball as we go through the halls.
"Where we going, Lemmy?"
"Jr. said you were going karting. He invited us along too."
"All of you?"
"Ludwig's not coming."
"Why?"
"To repeat him...I am not leaving this room!"
I look at him funny.
"We drew doodles on him for taking you."
I can't help but snicker.
"*giggle* Did you give him glasses and mustache?"
"*gasp* No, but that sounds funny! We pretty much drew whatever on him. Though Roy wrote NERD on his forehead."
"Yeah, that sounds like alright."
Lemmy guides me out of the castle and we join up with Jr. plus the other Koopalings. From the outside, we take off in karts to where I don't know. I simply follow the children away from Bowser's mighty castle and to parts of the of the Koopa Kingdom I've yet to know.
From a dark and hot land to a bright wet metropolis, I am in awe. This is Neo Bowser City. It is a neon-lit city themed after Bowser. Neon signs are everywhere and images of Bowser himself along with his signature emblem can be seen in various places. This place is alive and bustling with people. But it's not the city's streets we are aimed to race on. High above, built into the many towering spires, is a race track. Just looking at it, sends chills down my spine and alerts every spark in my brain to remember that I am not cool with heights! Yet...I'm still driving? Why am I still driving?! Body! Stop driving!
"You okay, Mama?"
"Ya lookin' nervous, sweetheart."
"I think she's afraid of heights."
"Her? Scared of heights?"
"Didn't see that coming."
"No way..."
Roy play punches my shoulder.
"Sugar isn't afraid of nothin'. Right, sugar?"
I just grip my steering wheel tighter and keep looking forward. This gets Roy's attention, but Wendy beats him to the punch in fixing the situation.
"If you're worried about falling off, don't. The track is under constant watch by Lakitus. They follow each racer and are there the moment you slip. So relax."
That helps a little bit, but not much.
"Oh! Morton have an idea! We can use the bumpers."
"Bumpers?"
"Ever play a game of bowling?"
"Yeah."
"Ever see those things that block the gutters? Those are bumpers."
"That's a thing that can be done?"
"Not on all tracks."
"A large percentage of the course is winding roads with moving neon arrow railings. There is a small upward spiral section in the middle of the track that goes up a tower. Traction is decreased due to the rain. There is a tunnel close to the end of the course, that leads to a road that is covered with puddles. At the end, there is a ramp that uses the glider. There are not many open areas on it, maybe three. The only real open spot is the wide winding turn near the end of the course."
"Lynn lady doesn't really need bumpers. Lynn lady is not a baby...Are you?"
"I'm not a baby. Just...Nervous as heck."
"Let me paint the scene for you. That way, you might not be so tense. The course starts with an S-bend; however, you must steer back in quickly to avoid hitting the wall. Just before you enter the air vent area, it is possible to be pushed through the guardrails by a heavier opponent. After that, the race continues under a tower with air ducts. Then there are two soft turns and a red tunnel. After many turns, you exit and reach the winding part of the road, which consists of three hairpin turns. Then, there is a shorter tunnel that leads to a road all to the left, that is covered with puddles. At the end, there is a glider ramp back to the finish line."
"Huh...That doesn't make it seem very long."
"It really isn't."
"But the fun is in the chase for first place and holding it."
"And the items! *giggles*"
"Hold on. There's message on the ad screen."
[Attention kart goers: Due to recent popularity, we have updated the track to better enhance user enjoyment. The overall course layout is unchanged but has received a few minor modifications to make things more deluxe. A drop-off has been added at the entrance to the tunnel in place of a downhill slope. The three-quarter turn into the glider ramp at the end has been modified into an anti-gravity section, complete with spin boost pillars, while the water puddles have been removed. The Koopa Clown Car air current found near the S-Bend has been moved to behind the banner, instead of beside it. The music is also roughly the same, but an electric guitar has been added. Known shortcuts: After the S-bend, players can cut through the mud with a Mushroom. You must steer back in quickly to avoid hitting the wall. Near the finish line, if you use a Mushroom or the Koopa Clown Car air current, you can glide into a secret zone on the S-bend under the red tunnel. And like with the turn after the S-bend, it is now possible to use a Mushroom or Star to cut through the mud on the anti-gravity segment. New Items: The Boo Item. Upon use, allows the driver to become invisible to other racers for 10 seconds. While invisible, drivers will also be granted immunity to items and most obstacles. Activating the item will also allow Boo to steal an item from a randomly selected racer in front of the user. If there are no items to steal, Boo will bring back a single Mushroom by default. If Boo steals a part used from a triple item or a timed item like the Fire Flower or Golden Mushroom, they will be returned to the driver fresh. Boo cannot steal Crazy 8's, or Potted Piranha Plants and Bullet Bills already in use. Only one Boo can be in play at a time; once it brings back an item, another can appear in item boxes again, even while the other player is still invisible. Drivers already invincible through use of their own Super Star or even their own Boo are not immune to Boo's item stealing. The Feather Item. Causes the driver to spin and leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing, akin to a regular trick jump. When used near an opponent, the driver steals a balloon from them; however, the user needs to touch the opponent to steal the balloon, either by touching them upon use or upon landing. Can be used during a regular trick to gain more height, though does not grant more height if used while airborne normally. Exclusive to Battle Mode. Thank you for choosing Neo Bowser City for your kart racing needs.]
"Seems things got a bit more intense."
"It's cool how they tell you about the shortcuts. Keeps things fair."
"As fair as luck will allow anyway."
"Do you still want the bumpers, Mama?"
"If it's okay with you lot, I at least want to try with the bumpers on for one lap. Just so I get a feel for the track."
"That's fine."
"So a one-lap simple race? No items?"
"I guess we can still do items."
"Yay!"
"First things first..."
"To the kart part shop!"
"The what?"
They drive over in a line to this garage area and I follow. From what I can see and hear, technicians change out the parts of the kart to fit there needs. Each driver in our standard kart is weighed in and set in one of three classes...light, medium, and heavy. Jr., Wendy, and Larry are lightweights, though due to his size, Lemmy is considered a very lightweight. I myself is a medium weight, while Ludwig and Iggy are considered medium heavyweights. Leaving Roy in the heavyweight and Morton in the very heavyweight category. No doubt Bowser is in the very heavyweight category as well, the big guy.
Along with a weight class, each driver also has statistics that show how each person does in the many fields of karting. In each statistics, the sum of the points for the driver, body, tires, and glider is a number potentially ranging from 0 to 20, that then determines the values of the related in-race statistics. The following statistics are used by the karting league: WG: Weight AC: Acceleration ON: On-Road traction OF: (Off-Road) Traction MT: Mini-Turbo SL: Ground Speed SW: Water Speed SA: Anti-Gravity Speed SG: Air Speed TL: Ground Handling TW: Water Handling TA: Anti-Gravity Handling TG: Air Handling
Jr.'s stats are 2-4-1-5-4-2-2-2-2-8-8-8-8. Total 56.
Lemmy's are 0-5-4-3-5-0-0-0-0-9-9-9-9. Total 53.
Larry's are 3-4-3-4-3-3-3-3-3-7-7-7-7. Total 57.
Wendy's are 2-5-4-2-4-2-2-2-2-7-7-7-7. Total 53.
Ludwig's are 6-2-4-2-2-6-6-6-6-4-4-4-4. Total 56.
Iggy's are 6-2-5-1-2-6-6-6-6-5-5-5-5. Total 60.
Roy's are 8-1-10-0-1-9-9-9-9-2-2-2-2. Total 64.
Morton's are 10-0-6-0-0-10-10-10-10-0-0-0-0. Total 56.
My stats are 5-3-5-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5. Total 59.
Bowser oddly has two sets of stats, one when normal 10-0-6-0-0-10-10-10-10-0-0-0-0 (total 56) and one when Dry 9-0-5-1-0-10-10-10-10-1-1-1-1 (total 59). Has me wondering just how often he turns Dry.
With that out of the way and in mind, it's on to picking karts. Jr. picks out the Koopa Clown kart with Cyber Slick tires and Cloud Glider. Lemmy goes with the Sneeker kart with Standard tires and Super Glider. Larry picks out the Sport Bike with Monster tires and Super Glider. Wendy chooses a girly looking version of the Mr. Scooty bike with Metal tires and Peach Parasol. Iggy picks the Standard Bike with Monster tires and Super Glider. Roy picks out The Duke bike with Cushion tires and Parafoil. Morton picks the Tri-Speeder kart with Monster tires and Super Glider. So when it comes down to me, I'm not entirely sure what to go with, until something catches my eye and that's when I know I must drive it...The Bone Rattler ATV/Trike with Metal tires and a glider I picked at random.
"How you like me now?"
"Nice!"
"That's Papa's Dry bike."
"Really? Cool."
Can I not avoid Bowser in any form?
"So it's the eight of you?"
A blue shelled Paratroopa flies over to our group.
"Yes."
"How many laps?"
"Five. But make the first lap have the bumpers."
"Got it. Just follow the ramp up to the track and line up at the starting gate."
The kids do as told, each of them ready and excited to race, but me, I'm just trying to keep my eyes on them so I can ignore the fact we are going above my height limit that will make me have a panic attack.
"You alright back there?"
Iggy slows down to be near me.
"Heights still getting to you?"
"Yeah. It may not look it, but I'm freaking out on the inside. I am not good with heights, ladders, elevators, or bridges to a certain point. If I can't control my actions towards doing something, like going up high, it gets to my nerves."
"But you're okay with flying?"
"If I'm in control, say, with wings, then yes. But airplanes, heck no. I don't trust them. They make no sense to me and defy my reason for something being able to get off the ground."
"Well, the same can be said for bees. In Antoine Magnan's 1934 book Le vol des insectes, he wrote that he and André Sainte-Laguë had applied the equations of air resistance to insects and found that their flight could not be explained by fixed-wing calculations, but that 'One shouldn't be surprised that the results of the calculations don't square with reality'. This has led to a common misconception that bees 'violate aerodynamic theory', but in fact, it merely confirms that bees do not engage in fixed-wing flight and that their flight is explained by other mechanics, such as those used by helicopters. In 1996 it was shown that vortices created by many insects' wings helped to provide lift. High-speed cinematography and robotic mock-up of a bee wing showed that lift was generated by 'the unconventional combination of short, choppy wing strokes, a rapid rotation of the wing as it flops over and reverses direction, and a very fast wing-beat frequency'. Wing-beat frequency normally increases as size decreases, but as the bee's wing beat covers such a small arc, it flaps approximately 230 times per second, faster than a fruit fly's 200 times per second which is 80 times smaller."
"That may be, but I'm still not trusting airplanes."
"Never said you had to. I was just saying all that as a distraction."
"What?"
He points and I am confused till my kart lurches forward in a sudden stop when said kart enters a placement space.
"What the..."
"The key is to take your mind off the fear with thoughts that are stronger. Try thinking about something silly then giving it a much deeper thought."
He drives into his own placement and I'm stunned that he managed to make sense for me. My only issue now is what the think about. During my less than helpful view into my own head for something to think about, the others have all lined up and a Lakitu holding a street light that's on red.
"Drivers ready?"
Ah hell, brain, it's time to pay attention.
"Okay...We start in three."
Uh...Brain?
The light sounds off and the gates go down.
Brain!
It turns yellow and my heart starts pumping, sending the alert just in time for the third sound as the light turns green. Engines gun. Tires squeal. Rubber burns. All in mere seconds. And just like that, my mind is a complete blank except for one remaining impulse...Drive. With petal to the metal, it's on.
Right off the bat, Lemmy is in the first place due to his speed but that's not my concern. I don't care what I place, I just want to become familiar with the track. Right into the middle of the starting S-turn, there are five Item Boxes. These nifty things give drivers a random item and the items given are based on the driver's position.
Aside from the new Boo and Feather, items include...Coins, coins give drivers a small boost and increase top speed when more are collected, up to a maximum of ten. Boomerang Flower, this can be thrown up to three times, hitting racers forward/backward and when it returns to its user after the first and second use. Piranha Plant, this automatically chomps on obstacles and other racers, giving a short speed boost for each bite. Super Horn, this emits a radial shockwave hitting racers, as well as destroying all obstacles, including the Spiny Shell. Green Shell, travels in a straight line and knocks over a kart it hits. Triple Green Shells, three green shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Red Shell, homes in on the closest kart in front of the user and knocks it over, can be thrown backward. Triple Red Shells, three red shells that orbit the user's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Banana, can protect the driver from incoming items and spins out other racers that hit it. Triple Bananas, three bananas that orbit the user's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Mushroom, provides the user's kart with a small speed boost. Triple Mushrooms, orbits the user's kart, providing them with three separate speed boosts but can be stolen by other drivers if contact is made. Golden Mushroom, provides the user's kart with continuous speed boosts for a short time. Fire Flower, allows the driver to throw fireballs for a short time that cause other karts to spin out on impact. Star, provides the driver invincibility from all terrain and items and also giving a speed boost. Blooper, sprays ink on all racers and reduces their visibility, the racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed. Bob-omb, explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking over any kart in its blast radius. Lightning, causes all opponents to drop their items, shrink, and drive slowly for a short time. Bullet Bill, transforms the user into a Bullet Bill, rocketing through the track with auto-pilot, and providing invincibility from all terrain and items. Crazy Eight, generates eight items (Coin, Bob-omb, Mushroom, Star, Blooper, Green Shell, Red Shell, and a Banana) that circle around the driver for them to use. And the beast of all kart items, the Spiny Shell, targets the racer in first place and knocks over all other karts in its path.
Hitting the box, I get a green shell but hold on to it. I don't want to hit the kids...so long as they don't hit me first, at least three times, then I might be more inclined to retaliate. But like I said, this lap is not a race for me, just a means to learn the track and my kart definitely helps in this way. I have great control, not too much speed, and it handles like a dream. The S-turn ends in a tunnel that has coins inside, a rather pleasant part. This then heads outside and aims upwards, granting more Item Boxes in the middle of the incline, gifting me with a Boo. There are a few more coins along the way, but at the top begins what feels like driving along the curves of a snake due to how many turns this stretch of road has. It is here while gathering more coins, I fall victim to a Banana and would've fallen off the road had the bumpers not been there.
"Geez...why is this fun again?"
Suddenly the bumpers drop and I realize that, even though I haven't reached the goal line yet, lap one for most is over. So bye-bye goes the safety net.
"*sigh* I regret so much right now."
Unable to back out of this crazy game I start again onward, hoping like hell nothing worse happens. Continuing on the road straightens as it declines back down, more Item Boxes greet me but holding two items is the max limit so I get nothing for hitting them. The U-bending turn back down is anti-gravity. It's very freaky to suddenly see my tires flip to handle this road and then flip back once it ends in this coin littered jump that forces a Bowser-shaped glider to pop out as I cross the goal line.
"Oh my god, will you quit hounding me!"
Great, I've descended into madness and am yelling at my glider. Look what you've done to me, Bowser! You big lovable jerk! Argh! I can't even get mad at you properly anymore!
So begins my lap two, the kids pass me with skill crafted by years of kart racing and my own lack of trying. Now knowing what is what with this track, I do try a little by increasing my speed. Hell, I'm in dead last at this point, might as well put up some sort of effort. To make room for better things I launch my green shell backward and coast as a ghost till it runs out, a move that saved me from being hit by lightning. By the time I hit the Item Boxes again, I am blessed with hitting a double box, this gives me a Bullet Bill and Golden Mushroom.
"Oh, it's game on now."
I let loose the bullet and the rush is insane! I'm shot halfway across the course in just under ten seconds, passing Larry and Lemmy before I respawn as myself. I'm not sure what place I'm in now, but I have a Golden Mushroom that says I'll soon be in a better place before anyone knows it.
"Hi, Lynn lady."
"Hi, Morton."
"You're not afraid anymore?"
"Terrified. But you know what beats out fear?"
"What?"
"Speeding faster than you care to realize."
"Huh?"
I activate the Golden Mushroom and take off.
"Bye Morton!"
He surprised by this and it takes him a moment before he laughs at the silliness of it. I expect that from Morton, he's a big sweetie. What I don't expect is crazy competitive attacks from Wendy as I near her position in fourth place.
"Where do you think you're going?"
A sudden red shell makes me fishtail and Wendy is glaring back at me.
"What the fudge, Wendy?!"
"I may not get first, but I'll be damned if I don't place!"
Note to self: Wendy is scary when she really wants to win.
"It's all for fun, dear, you don't need to take this so seriously."
"That's loser talk!"
She drops three bananas in my way and when I move to avoid them she slams her breaks to have me dodge to avoid her, causing me to ram my front side into a wall as she re-speeds away.
"Okay...No more miss nice Mama."
It's on now. I peel away from the wall and now target her. If I'm going to move further in the pack, I need to get past her. Entering the third lap I get my new item, the Star. It's a tad OP, but very useful.
"Hey, Wendy!"
She looks back just as I activate it, the rainbow glow of doom shimmers in her eyes.
"It's just a game."
She tries to get out of the way, almost doing so, but I can be spiteful when the mood is right and I ram her several times till she ends up spinning out then gets nailed by passing Morton. If memory serves me right, now that I'm in forth it means Iggy, Jr., and Roy are in the top three. Should I go after them? Does it matter? I suppose not. Then again...Wendy is going to be gunning for me, so it's probably a good idea to get as much distance as I can from her, so...Flooring it!
At this point, the track is very familiar to me. I can almost take shortcuts but I lack the items to do so and the confidence for them. Yet nearing the middle of lap four, I finally see the Koopa in third place.
"Hi, sweetie."
"Mama!"
Jr.'s instincts for parental care betray his racing drive as he slows down to kart alongside me.
"Are you feeling better, Mama?"
"A little bit, but more than when this started. How are you dear?"
"I'm good."
We drift into some coins and then Item Boxes.
"So who's in first, Roy or Iggy?"
"Roy's in first. I don't know how he does it, but he always can end up in first."
"No surprise there. He has the best stats, plus add whatever bonuses his kart gives him...Roy is OP."
"What's OP?"
"Over Powered."
"Oh..."
"Think we can beat him?"
"I don't know. But..."
We have to move away and dodge some random green shells that were stuck bouncing around in a tunnel. Those had to have been from Iggy, they had to have been recently released or they would've been broken by now.
"As you were saying?"
"Oh! But...Maybe we can give him a run for his money?"
"And what sneaky plan do you have in mind, sweetie?"
"First, we get past Iggy. Then, you trick Roy."
"Trick him? How?"
"I don't know. You're smart. You'll think of something."
"Roy's pretty smart too. He won't be fooled easily."
"I believe in you, Mama. But if all else fails...*devious giggles* I have a secret weapon."
I smirk.
"What did you get in that Item Box?"
"Let's just say it's something that ruins everyone's mood when in first place."
"...You are a cruel little boy, and I love you."
"Heheh...I love you too, Mama. What did you get?"
"Just a Super Horn. Pretty lame really."
"Yeah, the item payout is whack. But at least there's one thing in our favor."
"What's that?"
"For being in first, all Roy is getting is coins, bananas, and maybe green shells."
"Fair enough. It would suck if first place allowed for Bullet Bills and Gold Mushrooms."
"Oh yeah."
"Shall we commence with operation 'Take second Place'?"
"Let's do this!"
Jr. speeds off and I follow close behind. Iggy is not a pushover in the kart racing scene, only second to Roy in terms of stats. Iggy uses his clever and crafty nature to pull off the craziest of maneuvers when he feels like he's in a tight spot. It won't be easy to get by or even near him, and especially since it's now the final lap.
It isn't until we end the first quarter of the track that we see Iggy. I don't know what Jr. aims to do to get by him, but my idea is to use the Super Horn to stun him long enough to pass him. Yet this is not meant to be. Iggy hits the Item Boxes before us and is granted the Crazy Eight. His first release is the Blooper and ink is sent all over the place, not even blocking the face is helpful to keep the ink from getting to you.
"Argh! My eyes!"
Jr.'s exclamation alerts Iggy to our location.
"Huh? I expected such sneakiness from Jr., but it seems I miscalculated for you, Lynn."
"This stuff stings...If I go blind, I'm kicking your shell in, Iggy!"
"I assure you, it's perfectly safe. Now while it would probably be safer for me to get rid of you two, I have bigger fish to fry with these items. But allow me to leave you with a parting gift. Enjoy~."
He drops something behind him and takes off. The only clue we have to know what's happening before sight returns is this short hissing sound.
"Bob-omb!"
It explodes, scattering the two of us in stunned confusion.
"Jr.! Are you okay?"
"*groan* I'm fine. Big boys don't get hurt by little things like that."
He's such a trooper.
"Then come on, big boy. Let's go kick Iggy's butt before he steals the win."
"Yeah!"
Now it's revenge time. Iggy didn't have to use that item, he could've used a shell or banana or even sped away with a Star, but no. Now Iggy has to get what's coming to him. But there's not a lot of time left before the race is over.
It takes some skilled driving to catch back up to Iggy. We had to get our coins back up to ten and drift to get every little extra bit of turbo boosts we can. Once he's back in our sights, Iggy's already glowing from using the Star item and now is boosting more with the use of the Mushroom to ram into Roy to pass him.
"Now, Mama?"
"Now, sweetie."
Jr. lets loose the Spiny Shell and blue winged homing shell of doom zooms after the Koopa in first place...Iggy. Unfortunately for Iggy, none of the items he has can prevent being hit by the shell. Roy, seeing the shell and not wanting to get caught in the blast, slows down as we catch up.
"Hey there, sugar. I was wonderin' when I'd see ya."
"Um, I'm right here too."
"Sup, squirt."
"Grrr."
"I've been in the back, tough guy. Came up to see the fireworks."
The shell circles above Iggy a couple times before dive bombing on top of him. I could've sworn he curses but the explosion deafens it. All Iggy can do is watch the three of us drive past him as the shell disables the kart it hits for some time.
"Ya know, sweetheart, the finish line is comin' up. Maybe if ya make it worth my while I'll let ya win."
"You're gross, Roy."
"How am I being gross?"
"You just are."
"Now don't start this again."
I'm trapped in the middle of these two kids yelling back and forth while the finish line grows ever closer. Now the angel and devil on my shoulder start talking to me. One tells me I can be a good girl and do nothing, that way we all cross the line in first, making everyone happy as the ones in the back will get better place numbers. Yet the other side is telling me I can have all the glory if I release the Super Horn and knock these two back, making me the winner. So I mentally weigh the options. Either I can be the girl they love and adore, or I can be a huge bitch by screwing over the kids that trust me.
I make the obvious choice.
*fanfare*
[Meanwhile: In Castle Koopa]
"He can't be serious."
"I said the same thing. But sadly, he is."
Kammy sighs and sits on her broom, not flying anywhere but just needing to take a seat to go over what she had just been told.
"So...We're to put on a show for Princess Peach?"
Kamek nods.
"Yeah. He's planning to make this big presentation to woo Peach into willingly accept the marriage."
"What's the point? If we've already got the hypnotist, why bother trying to get her consent?"
"I think it's a pride thing. You know how he is. He's got the kids involved too. Ludwig's been writing music for the event and some of the troops will sing, maybe do a little dance."
"Ridiculous. You males and your need to prove your bravado. I'll never understand it."
"I believe it's less of a male thing and more of a Bowser thing."
"True. Remember the first time he got her to the altar?"
"How could I? A large crowd had gathered for the wedding. Meanwhile, Bowser was preparing for the wedding when he was informed that the princess was acting hysterical. In the bride's chamber, Toadstool was attacking the Koopas and Goombas attending to her, insisting that she will not wed Bowser. When reassuring her does not work, Bowser has the hypnotist brainwash her into loving him, and he is so thrilled with the results that he orders a Troopa to bring him a video camera to record it. Then the wedding began. While Bowser was bringing the Princess down the aisle, Mario found his way through a pipe he went through, which happens to come out of Bowser's wedding cake. Seeing the ceremony, Mario jumps down before the Princess can say her 'I do'. After Mario kicks Bowser away, he is shocked to hear Toadstool calling Bowser 'darling'. Nevertheless, he grabs her and attempts to get her out, while Bowser sends the guards after them. Mario was beaten and tied up while Bowser taunted him. Bowser orders the minister to continue the ceremony but was suddenly interrupted by a guard informed him that the Yoshies had escaped. At this point, the Yoshies with Luigi came storming in, trampling over everything and everyone. Bowser ordered the hypnotist to cast another spell, but he too was trampled, which broke the spell on the princess, who promptly untied Mario. Bowser attempted to escape in the Clown Car, but Mario snagged the propeller with the rope he was tied up with, causing it to crash into the cake. Bowser hid inside the cake as the Yoshies started eating it, and as soon as he emerged, Mario was standing over him. Bowser tried to charge at him, but missed and falls into the cake again. The cake then began to fall apart, and Mario jumped off before it collapsed on top of Bowser. They all left and we got stuck with the mess."
"That was a crazy day. Not as universe ending as the second wedding, but still pretty crazy."
"Oh yeah...A villain named Count Bleck appeared with his assistant, Nastasia and Princess Peach, who is his prisoner. He announced his plans to use Peach 'to destroy all worlds', and kidnapped Bowser as well, with Luigi and the Koopa Troop being sucked away too. When Peach regained consciousness to find that she and Bowser are dressed in wedding outfits and standing at an altar, with Count Bleck officiating. Nastasia uses mind control powers to force Peach to say 'I do', and the marriage between her and Bowser calls forth the Chaos Heart. Bleck then used the Chaos Heart to open a dimensional rift known as The Void, fulfilling a prophecy he read in an ancient book known as the Dark Prognosticus, in which all worlds are destroyed."
"So wait...If marrying Peach with Lord Bowser makes an apocalyptic event happen, why the devil are we trying to make this happen?"
"From what I've looked into on the matter, the Chaos Heart existing alone doesn't cause the problem, it's the person that uses it. But also, the so-called 'prophecy' didn't mention if more than one can be made. Because the one made was destroyed by the use of the Pure Hearts."
"If this cockamamie wedding makes another...*clap* Into the vault it goes, never to be seen again."
"Good god, can you imagine if the kids got a hold of it?"
"I don't even want to picture such a thing. Might kill me to do so."
"Please, like anything can kill you. *mumble* You old fossil."
"What was that?"
"I said I could go for some tacos."
"Oh...Tacos sound amazing right now."
Kammy is as smart and spunky as a Magikoopa half her age, but she can also be unintentionally comical at times and occasionally shows signs of senility. While only appearing to possess the generic Magikoopa abilities, Kammy has in the past showed a variety of powers doing such feats as summoning Yellow Blocks and living creatures, using magical lightning which could cancel the effects of the Sneaky Parasol and the ability to teleport. Kammy also showed some expertise in mechanics, not as well as Iggy or Kamek or even Jr., but apparently, she is the one who built Bowser's Power Platform. Despite this range of abilities, Kammy is exceptionally weak in battle and is normally only in the fight to act as a support role, healing others and boosting allies with her magic. But for a female Magikoopa, none compared to her in terms of skill, knowledge, loyalty, or vanity. She's odd but alright.
"Lord Bowser!"
A scare covered old Goomba rushes into the Throne Room, but is surprised to not find the King there.
"Uh..."
"If you have something to say, then just say it."
"We shall relay your information to Lord Bowser if indeed it is worthy of his attention."
"Oh, it is super important, master Kamek."
"Quit sucking up to him and spit it out already."
The Goomba puts on a more serious expression.
"My team was assigned to monitor the zone castles just in case anything were to happen. All was quiet for these last couple of days. A bit too quiet for my liking. I issued a status report from all units...Three of my team have not responded back."
That makes the wizard pair pay more attention.
"Have you double checked on this?"
"Maybe they were away from their radios."
"Unlikely, but to make sure they weren't, I requested the aid of a few paratroops to scout out their locations and report their finds."
"And what did they find?"
"They reported...Castles One, Two, and Three have been defeated."
That is so shocking to the pair that Kammy falls off her broom and Kamek's jaw drops.
"Are you serious?!"
"Do I not look serious to you?"
"Your scouts...Do they know the current whereabouts of Mario?"
"Yes, sir. Following the trail and collecting some intel from the locals, it appears that the Mario Brothers were last seen headed towards the Cheep Cheep River Village."
"Brothers? You mean to tell me that lard butt dragged in Luigi?"
"They are aiming to take on Castle Four."
"One more thing...Eyewitnesses mentioned a third party supplying the brothers with items. What they described as a speedy, wearing a mask, and a purple rabbit of sorts? Whatever that means."
Kammy is confused but Kamek knows who it is.
"What do we do, sir?"
"...Alert your remaining troops. Tell them to notify the Bosses, the mustaches are coming. Double the manpower and call in the Koopa Troop. They have work to do."
"Sir, yes sir."
The Goomba bows and runs out to fulfill their orders.
"So who's this purple rabbit?"
"A thief called Nabbit. He likes to steal items and power-ups."
"Oh? *chuckles* Seems the saintly heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom aren't above stooping to hiring the aid of unsavory characters if it means they win."
"Maybe. I expect something like this from Mario, but Luigi...Something doesn't feel right."
"Do we tell Bowser?"
Kamek took pause.
"Kamek?"
"...No. We wait. Let's try to handle this in the meantime."
"Us? What if those boys get closer? Heck, that metal monstrosity isn't even powered up, nor is there anyone to pilot it in Castle Seven. Those doofuses in overalls can simply walk right on through."
"You're only half right, Kammy."
"Huh?"
"While the machine isn't powered up, that doesn't mean the pilots aren't near it."
Kamek pulls out his wand and the jewel on top glows.
"All we need is to call them."
"Pilots? As in, more than one? Damn it! Why am I the last one to know what's going on? Who are they?"
"All in good time, dear Kammy. All in good time."
The glow in his wand settles and face is seen in it.
"Warlock to Purple Wind...Get Daddy Long Legs ready. You have some friends to play with."
"Wah? Talk normal, ya old dork."
"*growl* Grab Waluigi and get your fat rear end over to Castle Five, Wario!"
"Geez...No need to be rude about it."
"Do whatever you can to stop Mario and Luigi."
Kamek puts his wand away and sighs with annoyance.
"Really? Those two?"
"They're just interference. The real pilot is harder to get a hold of."
"Oh?"
"And I think you'll like her too."
"Her? Nice to see you're not as close minded as I thought you were."
"Gee, thanks. Just don't mention the Wah-boys to Bowser."
"What? You think little old me will say something? Kamek, my friend, you should be more worried about slipping that up yourself."
"Wait...What do you mean by..."
"KAMEK!"
[Meanwhile: At Castle Four]
The way to the castle was meet with much annoying aquatic nonsense. As this zone is mostly laid in water, swimming is a skill most useful. What little land there is hardly holds enough space for most things. Most islands hold about one building or bridges that connect the lands leading from one zone to the other. If that's the case, why not just walk to the castle? Why risk going in the water with all those deadly fishes? Simple, to help build some sort of economy, the bridges have some very pricey tolls and using all of them would quickly make a less than wealthy person a very poor soul.
But it's not like the water is home to only the things that bite and want you dead. There are friendly creatures that swim and will aid you if needed. Such kind creatures as Dolphins, these are goggle-wearing cetaceans. They are usually ridden and used as platforms to cross the water. They jump in and out of the water either vertically or in parabolic arcs. Then there are Dorries, these are large friendly blue, purple, or even yellow Plesiosaur-like marine-reptiles. Dorries have a few elements in common with Yoshies, such as the white area of soft tissue spanning the whole lower part of the body and a similar round face that even features a placement of the eyes and nostrils akin to that seen in Yoshies, but like the Dolphins, they wear goggles. Another friendly creature is Plessie, this is a friendly character resembling a Nothosaur but named after a Plesiosaur. Besides being three to four times as tall as Mario, Plessie is visibly fat, and this trait is actually used to slide on its belly outside bodies of water. It too shares some features with that of Yoshies, such as the bipedal posture with short legs, the bottom of each foot, including the toes, is fully covered by a white pad. Furthermore, the back features four darker stripes with rounded borders that are perpendicular with respect to the tail. Plessie's head features two big eyes, each with an orange eyelid, a white sclera and a big oval pupil surrounded by an aqua green iris. Furthermore, the upper part of the muzzle is elongated like that of a crocodile, with a white protruding end hosting two nostrils near its top. The tail is long and ends with a three-lobed structure resting on the coronal plane, similar to the crest and having the same cyan color as well. Plessie is always seen wearing a red bandanna knotted on the left side of the neck. Manta Rays are an aquatic species found in various waters and are peaceful creatures, some leave trails of regenerative rings behind them as they swim and others can be used to surf above channels of water. Types of Mantas called Jumbo Rays are unique. They are green and wear a pair of water goggles, but they can fly. And of course, the ever friendly and always kind whales, but those are out in more open waters.
Any one of these creatures were happy to lend their helping flippers to the Mario Brothers. After all, Castle Four, while a very standing out of place building as is, over time has been slowly sinking into the waters and by now just about half the floors are flooded. Most of the enemies that roam inside aren't even on Bowser's payroll, just local wildlife that have made the castle their home. Many of these are very naughty fishes that love the taste of land dwellers. Yet the baddies that are there to work are more out of place than the castle itself.
Big Kamukamu is a purple spiked fish that, after each hit it takes, will swim faster and become more enraged. Big Mouth is an enemy in the underwater areas where they hide in dark holes, while hiding, only their eyes are visible. When approached, Big Mouths will lunge out of the hole with their mouths wide open, attempting to bite and damage anything in front of the Big Mouth. Fish Bones are skeletal, undead versions of Cheep Cheeps which, despite this, they are often larger than living Cheep Cheeps and have completely different tail fins. Goboten are seal-like creatures that carry a harpoon. Judging from their outfit, which includes a pirate-like striped bandanna, it can be assumed that they are affiliated with the Brown Sugar Pirates, a band of thieves that shares a rivalry with Wario. They mainly occupy the watery areas, where they patrol underwater passages. Goggley-Blades have pectoral fins like fish but appear to have the hind legs and webbed feet like that of a bird. They wear goggles and have a blade protruding from their forehead. Goggley-Blades swim slowly across a set pattern, but when something enters their sights, they quickly accelerate towards them with rapid speed. They do not change course, so one can avoid them by going around them. Goomdivers are diving-helmet-clad Goombas, they have two different ways of attacking: either they charge directly at the target, or they swim up and slowly spiral towards the target. Kamukamu is a small, sharp-toothed fish resembling Big Kamukamu. Lava Lotus is an artificial flower that lives underwater. They are capable of creating and storing lava balls under their transparent leaves and attack by opening up to release them. The fireballs can go through platforms and make navigating underwater difficult. The number they shoot out is random and can be up to five at a time. The fireballs travel rather slowly and in a straight line from their point of release. Loch Nestor is a puffer fish enemy that after it is hit three times, it explodes, sending spines everywhere. A Lunge Fish is a big fish that will eat anything whole so long as it can fit down its throat. Lunge Fish hide in the water, and, like their name implies, will lunge at prey as it passes by. If prey falls in the water, a Lunge Fish will attempt to swallow it whole similar to how a Boss Bass does. Scarracudas are piranha-like enemies with silver fangs. There are two varieties of Scarracuda: red and green ones. Red ones just swim around in the water. However, green ones can jump out of the water and attempt to bite if something comes too close. Tobawani resemble green alligators with orange scuba tanks and snorkeling masks. These enemies reside in bodies of water and can be very aggressive. They will attack by leaping out of the water and biting with their sharp teeth. Ukiwani are crocodile enemies and appear as members of the Brown Sugar Pirates. They wear inner tubes and lie in wait in water, attacking by leaping up and snapping their jaws.
This would be insane for anyone to handle, let alone two brothers, but they aren't called SUPER for nothing. Yet something is strangely apparent once they are able to reach the dry areas of the castle.
"Hey, Mario?"
"Yeah?"
"It sure is quiet, don't-a you think?"
"Consider it a break. Or would-a you rather have-a those things chase us up here?"
"N-No. It's just..."
"What?"
"We've been-a walking around for a while now...Don't-a you think it's odd we haven't seen anything?"
"Odd, yes. Spooky, a little. Do I care, no."
"But why do you-a think..."
*rumble*
The brothers look down to see Luigi's foot had landed on a pressure trap sensor.
"Run!"
The walls open and spiked dodge balls shoot out at them as they do their best to flee the balls of death.
"You just-a had to question the peace!"
"I didn't-a mean for this to happen!"
A ball skims by Luigi, tearing into his side and making him yell.
"Luigi!"
Mario rushes to his brother's aid and tries to keep them moving, for the ball that struck Luigi went off course. This stray rubber ball of death hits other balls, that then hit other balls, so on and so forth. Making the dangerous halls even more horrifically deadly. Many times they are hit and many times they keep pushing on through. Though battered and bruised, plus many many healing items later, they reach the large menacing doors that hold the exit to this drowning castle of stone.
"You okay, Luigi?"
"Me? What about you?"
"I'm used to this kind of stuff. It's amazing how numb you get after doing this for as long as I have."
"...Wow...That was...Dark."
"Sorry."
"Think we can still do this?"
"It's just two rabbits and Wario beat them. I mean...How hard can they be?"
On those words, they push open the doors. Inside is a weird arena, lights, and scoreboard, all things out of place in a castle in the water.
"Oi, Dunk! Look who finally got around to giving us a fine howdy do."
The voice shouted as a soccer ball flies out of nowhere to smack Luigi in the face.
"These fools ain't worth the wait, Shoot."
A basketball zooms by and bounces hard into Mario's crotch, earning the room a very high pitch whine.
"Just look at these wannabe Warios. All they are missing is yellow coloring and two hundred more pounds."
The first rabbit hops down in front of them. A tall white rabbit with black eyelids, he wears a black jersey with a purple skull on the center and a pair of white kicks.
"Yeah, I thought we were fighting Mario and Luigi. But all I see are two tamatos with caterpillars on there faces, mate."
The second rabbit follows suit. He too is a large white rabbit with dark circles around his eyes, wearing a purple shirt jersey with a black skull on the center, yellow shorts, purple socks, and purple with yellow strips cleats.
"Don't you mean tomato?"
"That's what I said. Tamato."
"Whatever. But I get what you mean. Hey Mario, stop crying. Just sack-up like a big boy."
"I'm-a not Mario, I'm Luigi. All these bloodstains make my overalls look red!"
"Heh, I was talkin' to the fat one."
"Oh."
"Hey! I'm-a not fat! Just big boned."
"You-a could stand to eat a little healthier."
"Hey, who's side are you-a on anyway?"
"Sorry, bro. My head's a little fuzzy on account of my face is mashed."
"Oi!"
That gets the brother's attention.
"Now did you lot come all this way to gibber jabber amongst yourselves or are you here to thrown down?"
"Yeah. I've been itchin' to see if these fools are half as tough as Wario was."
Mario scoffs.
"You-a though Wario was tough?"
"He is."
"Tougher than you wusses."
"Despite his obesity, Wario is quite athletic and wields superhuman strength that both exceeds that of Mario's and almost rivals that of Bowser and Donkey Kong. His trademark move is the Dash Attack which involves charging with his shoulder out. He is shown to have a wide variety of grappling moves and can use his strength to punish his enemies in a variety of ways, including the Piledriver, Corkscrew Conk, and Wild Swing-Ding. He has the ability to use his body weight to his advantage. He has shown the ability to Ground Pound causing small earthquakes to stun his foes and is able to cause tremors by using the Earthquake Punch."
"Wario is commonly associated with explosives, including Bob-ombs, and ways of stealing coins, such as a magnet or even a large vacuum of sorts."
"Hey! He stole my thing!"
"Oh yeah, bro. Because vacuuming is such a rare skill."
Luigi hard flicks Mario's nose.
"Ow!"
"Like we were sayin'...Wario's obesity is attributed to his unique eating abilities and superhuman gluttony. He can eat inanimate objects and has used his oversized bites to injure foes. Some of his transformations are related to him eating something like apples for Fat Wario or stale garlic for Wario-Man. He also has the power of farting to stun or injure his opponents."
"That's just gross."
"Agreed."
"Wario's greatest strength, though, is with items, such as the Power Up Pots which give him unique transformations. He also shares some transformations with Mario such as Fire Wario and Metal Wario. Wario has other transformations associated with self-injury, such as Flaming Wario, Crazy Wario, Flat Wario, Frozen Wario, Electric Wario, and many more. Surprisingly, Wario is not injured by these transformations despite appearing to be so."
"So he's a heavier copycat, big whoop."
"You-a gotta admit, bro...That did sound pretty cool."
"Not as cool as Waluigi."
Luigi looks at them blankly.
"I beg-a your pardon?"
"Not so funny now, huh bro?"
Luigi flicks Mario again.
"Son of a...Do that one more time, and I'm-a gonna hit ya."
The rabbit pair smirk.
"Seems we hit a nerve, mate."
"A purple nerve too."
"Stop it! Waluigi is not cool!"
"Oh? Waluigi is talented in a variety of sports, including baseball and soccer. Because of this sports talent, Waluigi has many abilities displayed throughout his adventures. However, he is usually a technical character. These range from simple actions, such as jumps, punches, and kicks, to unusual actions, such as spinning to make a small tornado, creating thorny vines, and swimming in midair. And as a Technique character, he possesses neither too much strength or speed and relies on a special trait that would give him the edge. He is a balanced character, able to effortlessly play as an offensive character and a defensive character. His legs are shown to be particularly powerful, as he easily defeated Bowser once with a kick, and he is able to stomp others into the ground."
"Not to mention, when he plays my favorite game, football..."
"Do you mean soccer?"
"No, I mean football."
"But that's a soccer ball."
"It's a bloody football, you pillock!"
"Dude! Chillax. They're just tryin' to mess with ya."
"Yeah...You're right. Thanks, mate."
"Anytime."
"So as I was saying...When he plays FOOTBALL his power is very telling. His signature move, the Drop Rocket technique, is devastating! In addition, Waluigi is demonstrated to be a great jumper. His stats are seen to come close to Luigi´s jumping skills, if not surpassing it. He demonstrates excellent speed, being the fastest alongside Princess Daisy. His speed is doubled when he uses the Wall-Luigi! skill, enabling him to cross a field in a very short time."
"Waluigi also has a variety of abilities. He can distort his body into the shape of his emblem and create a tornado, which can drive his opponent away. He can also create tornadoes simply by dribbling the ball around himself in my favorite game, basketball."
"Now that I understand."
"Why you...!"
"Dude...What did we just talk about?"
"But he's being such a git."
"Ignore him. Haters gonna hate."
"Right."
"Waluigi also has the ability to summon and control thorny purple vines, which he uses for his Wall-Luigi! Super Ability. He also uses them as a whip in his Mega Strike. In his Deke, he also demonstrates to be capable of teleporting in purple puffs of smoke. In Mario And Sonic Oddly enough, he also displays the ability to use his "Γ" symbol as an energy projectile. Alongside the power to mask the Whiskered Eggplant as a baseball, Waluigi displays powers with magical and tricky natures. His special pitch in baseball is the Liar Ball. His Star Swing, the Liar Swing, consists of him hitting the ball and making it zig-zag during its path."
"Oh! And his Super Strike, the Drop Rocket, consists of him surrounding himself with purple smoke and kicking the ball, covering it with a smoke trail. How you like football now?"
"Soccer."
"I'll kill you!"
"*sigh* Like Wario, Waluigi prefers the Bob-omb. But he also uses a Piranha Plant. He also uses Professor E. Gadd's Coin Vacuum Orb to steal Coins from his others."
"What is with everyone using vacuums?!"
"That really blows if you-a ask me."
Luigi goes to flick Mario again, but Mario punches him before it happens.
"AHH! Mario! You suck!"
"BITE ME!"
The rabbits just share looks.
"Should we even bother fighting them? They seem to be doing a great job themselves."
"We have our orders, Shoot. We gotta make sure these two don't score. Ever."
"Yeah. The boss will be quite amiss if we fail."
"Who's your boss?"
Mario flicks Luigi.
"Are you dense? Obviously, it's Bowser."
*horn blares*
"Sorry, tubby. But that ain't even close."
"Fine...With how much you both were fanboying over them, it has to be Wario and Waluigi."
*horn blares*
"Who or what is doing that?"
"Wrong again, fool."
"Our boss puts them all to shame."
"But who she is not important. If your luck is bad enough, you'll be seeing her soon enough."
"She?"
"Your boss is a woman?"
"Enough talk!"
Shoot summons a soccer ball.
"It's time to show off our newest skills."
Dunk summons a basketball.
"Let's wipe the court with these suckers."
"Game on!"
"Yeah...You...Fuzzy-butts!"
Luigi is not very good at trash talk.
*horn blares*
Shoot kicks his ball, the force of which generates a power wind strike, and Dunk rushes behind it, building fire power in his dribbling of the ball. This is going to be one of the weirdest and wackiest boss fights the Mario Brothers have ever faced...so far at least. Because the best has yet to come.
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.