Warning : The following content might or might not cause you laughter and die of suffocation. You've been warned.
It was morning, it was only yesterday when Tsuyu moved in to Katsuki's home. Katsuki was still sound asleep, he was just too exhausted to wake up right now. Some would also end up like him if they have such a maid roaming around their home and sucking the life out of you... of course, not literally.
The door of his room opened and Tsuyu entered. "Master, it's time to wake up."
The other party just groaned and shifted on his bed, completely ignorant of the maid. It can't be helped since he was too tired.
She walked forward to his bed and starts shaking his body. "Master, it's morning already. Wake up."
"Shut up, mom." He groaned in his sleep. "People tend to sleep because life is miserable."
After failing another time to wake him up, Tsuyu's eyes has a hint of playfulness in it.
After a few more hours, he woke up and stretched his arms. He sat up and slid off his bed.
He went to the bathroom and starts brushing his teeth, he was still groggy after waking up that he only instinctively cleans his teeth and didn't even mind it.
After finishing to do so, he went to the kitchen and sat on one of the chairs, completely oblivious about the maid. It was already a routine for him to go to the kitchen every time and wait for his breakfast.
"Master, here's your lunch." She placed a plate of meal on the table.
"Yeah, than-" After completely waking up, Katsuki's sleepy eyes jerked up. He was surprised and almost fell back to his chair. "You again!? Why are you still here?"
"What is Master saying?" Tsuyu asks confusingly. "Aren't I supposed to be your maid? I have to take care of you."
"Still," Katsuki tries to find words to refute her. "Don't you have to go to school? I'm the only one who's suspended, right?"
"Master seems to have forgotten the contract." She shows the contract again. She points to a specific sentence. "It was stated on this clause that 'Tsuyu Asui will be living on Katsuki Bakugo's house for as long as the contract is still in effect. Tsuyu Asui also needs to serve and check Katsuki Bakugo all day.' Of course the latter clause is only effective according to the next clause that states 'As long as Katsuki Bakugo is awake and/or doing something harmful.'."
"Is that previous clause implying that I could cause harm even when I'm asleep and why didn't that include when I'm in need of privacy!?"
"You're reading too much into it, Master." She stated as if it was nothing and whispers. "How did he noticed that?
"Did you say something?" Katsuki asked, as he almost caught something on her breath.
"You must be hearing things, Master." She denied and avoids the topic by washing the already clean plates.
"Well, whatever." He decided to ignore whatever he heard and start eating. "By the way, I just noticed that you've been trembling the moment I came in the kitchen. What's up with that?"
"Uh, what?" She flinches. "Yes, I'm trembling because it was very cold. The weather is chilly."
"But it's... didn't you say that it's already lunch?" He asks while looking at the clock on his phone.
"Please don't mind it, Master." She was visibly trembling while handing in a shaking glass of water to Katsuki. After doing so, she turns to a wall. "If you'll excuse me, Master. I'll just face this wall and reflect on my actions."
"What the hell are you spouting?!" He yelled, oblivious to something.
That's when he caught a glimpse on his face when he stared at the glass of water on his hand. His face was covered with various doodles made by a marker. The one that he caught his attention was the one that says 'I'm the Legendary King of Explodo-kills! Prepare your asses!'.
"If you'll also excuse me, I'll just go outside for some fresh air." He took the glass of water with him and went to the door that leads to outside.
After a few seconds when the door closed, faint sounds of a glass breaking and screams of rage and curses flew all over the place.
Tsuyu couldn't take it anymore and starts snickering but still maintained her posture.
llll
Tsuyu was on the ground doing a seiza while Katsuki was standing tall in front of her as if Katsuki was scolding a kid.
"Are you even taking this job seriously?" He asks angrily. His face still had its doodles on it due to it being a permanent marker. "You sure do have lots of guts to joke around my hero name!"
"Master was mistaken." She denies the previous statement. "It was all a misunderstanding. It was just to make sure you wake up earlier from now on."
"That's a threat, isn't it?"
"No, no. You got me wrong." She shook her head innocently
"I did not!" He refuted.
"Never mind, it's already time to clean your bedroom." Still denying, she stood up and walk her way to the bedroom.
"Hey!" He yelled as he follows her hastily. "Don't just suddenly barge into my room, damn it!"
She turns around and faced him. "Master, I already entered your room this morning so why are you so worked up this time? It's not that I'll steal your stuff or anything."
"Obviously because this time, you're going to snoop around my room and inspect each and every corner!" He refuted. "I don't want you looking around my stuff!"
"You mean," She covers her mouth as if shocked but still expressionless. "You're hiding 'those'? Isn't that just pretty normal?"
"The hell I do!" He yelled in full denial. "You think shits like that matters to me?! It's not like it can make me stronger!"
"Of course, you don't." She stated in a way that she didn't believe him and at the same time, rolling her eyes. "Anyways, I'm cleaning your room."
"I command you to not clean my room!" He commanded.
"Command rejected." She ignored him and still entered the room.
"Why you-"
"The first time I entered I didn't notice but..." She looks around his room and tried to immerse herself. "It reeks of sweat. Seriously, are you a hippo or something? Even a horse who sweats a lot is more fragrant than yours."
"You..." He hits the wall. "Horses sweat natural detergent, humans don't!"
"Did you read that on a random internet article?"
"Yes."
"Then that's wrong." She starts snooping around the place without restraint. "Admit it, already. Where are you hiding 'it'?"
"Nowhere! I'm not that kind of person." He sat on his bed angrily.
"A normal and healthy adolescent male usually masturbates as frequent as three to five times a week." She pointed out as if a matter of fact. "That means every year, you'll masturbate for about a minimum of a thousand and ninety two times and a maximum of a thousand and eight hundred and twenty. Considering that, you'll ran out of material to masturbate unless you find more. Now tell me, where are you hiding it?"
"Obviously I don't have any! I'm not your common male that becomes a pervert! Those things don't matter to me."
"It's not a matter of how common it was." Her face darkens. "Where would you get descendants if you lose your penis? Your testicles will burst, you know? I don't want to suddenly hear on the news that a certain classmate of mine was admitted to a hospital due to impotence. That'll be a great scoop."
"Seriously, can you please just drop it?" Katsuki is starting to feel helpless.
"I'm not dropping anything until you tell where it is."
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~" He groaned for a long time. Katsuki thought that this might be the longest time that he groaned. "I order you to kill me."
"No." She rejected while she continues to search his room.
"Please just let me be in peace already." He did a dogeza and starts hitting his forehead at the ground.
"No." Another rejection ensued. She saw something at the corner which made her eyes glint. "Oh, you have a computer? What's in it?"
"No!" He pounced at her and without hesitance threw her out of the room. "Get out! Do something else, I don't care!"
"Master, it seems that this maid didn't see any unusual objects or article lying around your room or hidden explicit material on your certain devices." She bowed at him apologetically, her hands behind her back. "I apologize for my sudden and offensive actions."
"Are you doing this on purpose?" A vein is visible on Katsuki's temple.
"Master, be assured." She bowed for another time. "I am not doing this without rationale. I am just making sure you're healthy. And I think I have some bad news. It seems that I have found the reason for your frequent outrages."
"Isn't it because I'm short-tempered!?"
"Not precisely." Her eyes narrowed by a bit. "The root cause of your anger is certainly and without a doubt because of sexual frustration!"
A silent pause conjured that lasted about a minute while Katsuki stood still like he heard the worst joke in history.
"It's definitely not!" He swiped his hand diagonally as if he denies the statement. "I bet you jest!"
"Jest I do not." She shakes her head solemnly. "The clue is already said by you. You said you don't masturbate."
"I never said I don't masturbate, I just said I don't have porn!" The moment he lost his cool, he blurted out everything.
Silence ensued for another time.
"Please let me enter your room once more, Master." She starts reaching out for the handle but was blocked by Katsuki. "I think I saw a trash in there somewhere."
"You're seriously pushing it, aren't you." He stated as his face was seemingly about to explode.
"I am just doing this for the better of humanity. Humanity is getting corrupted by the day and this single action that I will execute just might contribute for the better of humanity. By simply finding a fact, you could change the world."
"How is finding out if a person uses porn to masturbate going to contribute for the better of your so called 'corrupted society'!?" He was speechless, he doesn't even understand what she's talking about. "Everything you said doesn't make sense!"
"Thus art thou implying that thee does not use certain explicit material to perform the relieving thyself from thine worldly desire?" She spoke in archaic manner. "Thou ought to be very portentous to achieve such insuperable deed. This humble one desires to have a chat with thou."
"Shut up, you're language is weird!" He retorted.
"So, are you really using porn or not?" She asks.
"No!"
"And that sweat-smelling room of yours isn't a result of your frequent 'doing-it' session?"
"That's me doing push-ups, exercising or lifting!"
"You sure?"
"Yes!" He persistently yelled. "Can you please get out now?"
"I still have the duty to clean your room, Master." She insisted as she tries to push away Katsuki.
"You don't have to worry about it, I'll clean it myself!" He responded quickly.
"No, as a maid, I have to make sure Master doesn't become tired or else you'll get stressed."
"You're talking about the duties of a maid at this time!? Aren't you being very shameless right now!?"
"Shamelessness is a virtue. I am merely expressing my good intentions."
"All I can see is 'you' expressing the fact that you're trespassing on my privacy and your intention to bug me about it! Also, being shameless is never a virtue!"
"Please be assured, I will not tell a single soul."
"That's not the problem here!"
"Really, I'm just really curious about your preferences. If you were tell me what your preferences are, there's a high chance that we could manage your anger."
"You're joking!"
"I am not joking."
"You're trembling again like last time! I can also see your eyes planning something!"
"You're overestimating me, Master. My eyes are innocent like a frog."
"No, I feel like I'm underestimating you! You're sly! I can tell you're formulating a plan at this very moment."
"Master, I'm really not planning anything."
"Then what's with your hands? Why are they on your behind? What are you hiding?"
"This is merely an etiquette of a maid." There was an almost noticeable flinch but controlled herself a millisecond later. "Is Master perhaps thinking of something lewd?"
"You're really a professional at diverging the topic!" He walks around her to see what she was hiding but she was also turning around to face him. "Hand whatever that is on your hand!"
"Master, I have nothing hiding on my hands. It's just your imagination."
"Then show me your hands!"
"I'll show it after one hour..."
"Right now!"
She was reluctant for a second but still showed her hands at him. "Master is a meanie."
"Stop acting like I am at fault here and your way of talking doesn't help!"
"I'm sorry Master for being a bad maid." Her head drooped down as if sulking.
"You're seriously being an annoying bitch right now?"
That'a when he heard a sniff coming from Tsuyu that's when he got shocked.
"You've got to be kidding." His mouth gaped. "Are you seriously blaming me right now?'
"Sniff, Master is not at fault. This maid is just really a bad maid." Tears starts forming from her completely closed eyes.
"Fuck!"
"One day, I'm going to call an assassin to kill you." Katsuki stated a large steam of anger comes out of his head. "Then, attach a bomb at you. Finally, dispose you at the middle of Mariana Trench so you could play with the fishes there."
"Master is really considerate." She bowed at him with gratitude. "I am thankful to receive an extra pay from you."
"Yeah, yeah. Bribing a crying 'already-adolescent' girl is such a work." He shooed her as if swatting a fly. "I need to get paid for doing such difficult job."
"I'm really thankful."
"Just stop going inside my room!"
"As Master commands." She was ready to go to the living room when suddenly, a book fell down under her skirt with a thud.
Long silence...
"Uh, what's that thing on the ground?" Katsuki asked with a smile on his face and his eyes closed.
"That would be nothing but trash, Master." She excused.
"Looking at it clearly, it seems to be a book that looks like my diary. Is my assumption correct?"
"Master is mistaken, that is my diary."
"Oh, is that so." A vein popped on his temple. "Does that mean we have identical diaries? Huh, look at that cover, it says 'Katsuki Bakugo' in it?"
"It seems to be so, Master." She nodded.
"What kind of coffin do you prefer for your funeral?"
"I want the one that won't let me decompose, Master."
"Sure, I'll buy you one right now." He cracks his knuckles as if ready to kill.
"Ah," she points to a window. "Izuku is wearing a bikini outside!"
"What!?" He quickly looked at the window out of reflex but saw nothing. He looks back again to Tsuyu and saw nothing but her leftover dust along with the diary. "Shit!"
He went to his room and twist the knob but it won't budge. "Open the door, damn it!" He starts slamming the door afterwards.
"This is for the greater good, Master." She stated and started rummaging at his computer. "Oh, so this is what your search history contains. I need to include this on my report. Oh my, this one... you're really weird, Master."
On the other side of the door, Katsuki is seen to be contemplating his plan to kill her
"What is a frog's natural predator? Snakes. Snakes are..."
An annoying maid is surely going to end his life someday.
Ah, another time to be bored. Enjoy. Expect really irregular uploads by the way.