Katsuki is annoyed by his personal maid, he really do. But he is holding out just fine if it's only her... if it's only her.
"Master, I heard from our fellow heromates that Izuku and Ochako is going to visit us today."
"Haaa!? Why?!" He jerked up from the couch with a a shocked expression. "I'm already losing my lifespan just by you existing here, why does it have to fucking increase!?"
"Master, calm down." Tsuyu raises her arms in defense. "They are intended to visit Master's humble abode purely just perhaps due to the printed test they recently finished yesterday."
"Oh? That's it?" He looks at her suspiciously. Never in his life would he ever trust this innocent-looking of a maid. "No out-of-this-world occurences or like a nuclear bomb just coincidentally aimed at my house?"
"This one doesn't have such Quirk to induce such unfathomable cataclysm that easily. Master is clearly overthinking again."
He undeniably agreed to that. But this gut feeling that he had is telling him a bad premonition, something that is equivalent to a nuclear bomb or even more, coincidentally hitting his home.
"Wait, what about you? Are you also going to take the test?"
"But of course, my dignity as a hero still stands!" She proudly answered while puffing her chest... impassively.
"Who's talking about dignity now?" Katsuki picks his ears in disbelief. "You're just going to do this for the dignity!?"
Tsuyu ignored his remarks like it was a passing wind. "More importantly, aren't you supposed to study for the test? I've already studied so I'm going to manage just fine."
"Study? Don't lump me in with you dumb idiots." He crossed his arms confidently. "I've already read all the notes and books needed for the whole shool year. I don't think I could fail."
"Oh, is that so." Tsuyu replied with a disinterested voice and started cleaning the house with a broom. She sighed in pity.
"Hey, you just sighed loudly, didn't you?!" Katsuki reprimanded. "You're seriously going to get it!"
Three knocks were heard on the entrance of his home. He grumbled in annoyance as he walks his way to open the door.
"Fuck, they're already here." He opened the door and saw the pre-determined couple.
Katsuki doesn't know whether they are on Halloween or not but they are both under their hero costumes. One look at them and you can deduce that they are annoyingly, unconsciously and indirectly flirting with each other.
"S-stop that, Uraraka-san." Izuku covers his face. "You're embarassing me."
"I-I know that." She turns her face to the side. "I'ts just that you look cool in that suit. And the way you beat that villain..."
"W-well," He scratches hisbhead nervously. "I, I guess you're also awesome helping me o-out there."
"Ah, it's so embarassing." She also covers her face.
"..." Katsuki stares at them in contempt.
'The hell!? I just opened the door for one second and all can see is this shitty romantic B movie? Are they trying to piss me off?' Katsuki thought while glaring at them.
Afterwards, he claps his hands loud enough to snap the two from their annoying atmosphere. "Congratulations you two, you have just made me fucking observe such an 'Oscar-worthy' scene. Look at my damn tears of joy right now!"
"W-what do you mean?" Izuku asks while bewildered.
"I meant you two, you damned couple," He points at the couple. "Just because you two are a fucking pre-determined couple which was indirectly proclaimed by the manga artist himself, you can't be too damn cocky."
"I d-don't understand..." Uraraka-san stammered and clearly doesn't understand what he's talking about.
"Well," Tsuyu butts in. "For starters, the very existence of couples completely disrupts the balance of social hierarchy and the planet itself. Even the basics of careful reproduction still slowly destroys Mother Earth. Obviously, individuals like us needs to be on the top of the food chain and not kinds like you. Single for life..."
"Fucking right." He nodded twice in approval. "Shits like 'lovers', 'dating', 'marriage', 'kissing', 'holding hands' or 'sex' (not necessarily in that order) and all of that crap combined can go live in hell and burn for eternity!"
After that, Tsuyu closed in to Katsuki and whispers, "I'm curious, shouldn't I be dating Izuku while you are currently dating Ochako-san?"
Katsuki whispers back, "Wrong story. Shameless self-advertising, huh."
After a few more seconds, Ochako snaps out on her daze.
"Just forget that!" Ochako yelled while disconcerted. "We're only here to give you the test papers anyways!"
""We know."" Katsuki and Tsuyu replied in detachment at the same time
"Wah?" She was bewildered by their response. "How did you-?"
"I have a personal spy." Katsuki replied while staring intently at Tsuyu.
Tsuyu answers, "I dabble in the art of spying. Why? No reason in particular."
"A, hehe, well." Izuku himself doesn't know how to drag this bizzare conversation anymore. "W-why don't we come inside? Maybe we can help you even by just a bit."
"Sorry, no nerds allowed in here." Katsuki was about to close the door when a foot blocked it.
"If you don't let us in, you won't even have the chance to take the test." Ochako threatened.
"Is that a damn threat, I wonder?" He rhetorically asks while glaring at her.
"What if it was?" She glared back.
Their glares are mysteriously emitting electricity.
Izuku is struggling to find a way to break them apart but someone already had found one.
"Arguing with a girl? I can't believe Master already stooped that low." Tsuyu commented in disdain.
"You saying something, you bitch?!" Katsuki poked Tsuyu's forehead lightly.
"Oh no, this one is scared..." She replied without emotion. Katsuki noticed that behind her back are her hands holding a single 'special' magazine that may or may not permanently devastate his entire future or life the moment it was exposed. "Please be gentle with this one."
He wanted to just completely annilihate her out of his sight but the second his precious magazine was to be exposed even by a centimeter, then he might as well kill himself too.
"Fuck it, come in!" He shouted while forcibly opened the door loudly. "But you better stop with the PDA bullcrap and being annoying or else you're going to get to eat a grenade for lunch."
"Got it!" Ochako complied happily in truimph aa if she won the battle, without any understanding of what PDA meant.
Izuku who understood it, stammers otherwise. "B-but we really a-aren't a couple."
Tsuyu and Katsuki just ignored his remarks and entered inside again.
"Wow, this house is pretty nice. And very sanitized too!" Ochako flattered sincerely as she looks around in amazement.
"Unarguable, I'm the one who cleaned this whole place after all." Tsuyu answered proudly.
"I've entered Kacchan's home before and it was never this clean before." Izuku complimented. "I've entered just a few times before he became biased against me because I used to be Quirkless." He announced.
"What a cold-hearted human being." Tsuyu sympathized woth him. It was unknown whether it was sincere or it was just to piss Katsuki off.
"Hmph," Katsuki snorted it off and he points at the couch in the living room. "You can sit over there so me and my accursed maid can begin."
There were two couches facing each other and was split by a table between the two. Tsuyu and Katsuki on one side and Ochako and Izuku on the other.
"So, where's the test papers?" Katsuki asks with a hand waiting to recieve something.
"H-here it is." Izuku timidly responded. He placed two papers on the table.
Katsuki looks at it and smiles confidently. "You call his a test? It feels more like an effortless activity."
"Ain't that right?" Tsuyu agrees with him. "Master's 'activity' certainly requires way more effort but it's still more pleasurable than this."
"You shut your damn mouth." He remarked with a vein on his forehead.
"Okay..."
"Whew!" Katsuki stretched his arms into the air. "Fuck, that was too easy, hands down. Only took me ten minutes at most for a hundred questions."
"Kacchan, you're always the best!" Izuku cheered him on.
"Master is amazing as usual." She then hugged herself erotically. "Now, regarding the 'other activity' that we were just conversing about a few minutes ago."
"What does she mean by that?" Ochako asks while glaring at Katsuki.
"Oh nothing," He shrugged it off. "She's just being an idiot."
Tsuyu, seemingly angered from his remark, went even further. "My Master seems to have forgotten that I have stripped off my clothes reluctantly on the first day of my job here."
"You are seriously pissing me off, you know?" He glares at Tsuyu. Afterwards, he looks at the couple in front of him. "What are you two still doing here? We're done, aren't we?"
"W-well, y-you see." Izuku struggles to find the right words. "W-we just want to chat with you for a b-bit."
"I see, I see..." Tsuyu reponds to his demands. "Dragging this up for a two-thousand words chapter, aren't we? Really shameless..."
"W-what?"
Katsuki intervenes. "What shits do you want to talk about anyways?"
"Um, just wondering how you are doing with the recent suspension. I'm just w-worried" Izuku asks, almost worried that Katsuki might have a meltdown due to the suspension.
Katsuki, in return, rests both of his feet on top of the table. "Did you smoke shit? This suspension is 'fucking awesome'! Probably the most 'relaxing' vacation that I ever had in my lifetime. Even more so that you, Deku, aren't constantly tormenting me all the time!"
He continues, "I get to be served 'unconditionally' by a 'loyal', 'nice', 'eloquent', 'polite' and 'mentally bewitching' maid." He answered with an increasing tone each word. "I certainly couldn't ask for fucking more. Maybe a bunch of clones made of her would fulfill my damn life!"
The couple already caught on to Katsuki's hints due to his slowly raging expression but Ochako still continued, "But that's all nonphysical qualities of her, isn't it? What about her appearance?"
"Oh that?" After hearing that, Katsuki unconsciously at Tsuyu and studied her for a moment. "Well, you see, I'm not really into inexpressive damsels and this one beside me is basically the epitome of those types. I'm sure some random perverts prefer things like that but I'm sure as hell I'm not."
"W-well, regardless of expressions, what do you think of her?" Izuku asks for another time but less timid.
"Hm?" Katsuki looks at her again. "Now that I think about it, she's even more unattractive than I realized. Dunno, but I think it's her atmosphere that makes her annoying."
Tsuyu stands up from the couch, "May this maid also share her opinion, which is about Master?"
"S-sure." Izuku replied.
Tsuyu's face turned serious. "I think he looks like a detestable bug. Being a maid should be near-effortless according to interviewed maid cafés' statements but Master's existense itself creates a disturbance to the harmony of maids and their masters. According to the rule of the maid trope, the maid should be attractive on their specific types and the master should be either dense, perverted, clumsy or an idiot. To my dismay, Master seems to not hold any of those aspects at all."
"Aren't you also an anomaly to the trope itself!?" He refuted angrily. "You aren't even at the least bit attractive! Tell me, guys over there, this maid is just an annoying bitch, isn't she!? A complete disgrace to the maids! I mean, she looks like a fucking frog!"
"My apologies, but Master is utterly incorrect. I am evidently the cold-type."
""Ah, um."" Now the couple on the other side are conflicted on how to stop the bickering happening in front of them. Their faces are successively looking at Tsuyu and Katsuki.
"Kacchan..."
"Tsuyu-san..."
"I'm tellin' ya, you bitch!" He glares at her while prodding her forehead. "Even a molester on a train would ignore you!"
"Master is too much..." She raises her hands in defense. "I've been molested on an average of twenty-five times a year. And most of them are admitted to the hospital due to their crushed balls. The rest of them... you don't even want to know..."
"Is that information even reliable?" He was almost subdued by her threatening narration but still held on. "I don't believ-"
Tsuyu holds a remove and turns up the volume on the television.
[On this today's news, another man had yet been admitted to the hospital due to his crushed testicles. The witnesses on the train states that,"It was only quiet for a moment then we heard, out of nowhere, screams of despair that frightened us. We looked at the source of the sound and only found a lying man holding his balls! We never found who the did it but that person must be really scary!"After that, we started questioning the man who is still lying on the bed in hospital. We asks him the one who crushed his testicles and answers,"It was a girl! I didn't get to see her face because her back my facong me but she suddenly grabbed it and crushed it like an egg! Ah fuck, it's starting to hurt again! Give me the painkillers! Quick, fuck!"And there you have it, the girl is still being found. Whoever it is, the only reason is probably the person who got his testicles crushed is trying to molest her. That girl must also be the same person who's been crushing the balls of the past fifteen molesters this year. Anyways, let's move on to the next news-]
Tsuyu then turned off the television and stared at Katsuki who's mouth is gaped open. Ochako and Izuku also had their mouths open due to this.
Katsuki is trembling in fear and Izuku is cowardly covering his nether regions, while staring in fear at Tsuyu.
"A-ah," Ochako beams in realization. "So it was you! The proclaimed mysterious 'Balls-Crushing Hero'! You probably didn't know this but your actions actually lessened the rate of molesters by a bit! Not just that, even other girls are copying your technique! You're amazing Tsuyu-san!"
"I am but just doing it for self-defense! The honor of being called a hero that way seems to be more like an insult." Tsuyu shakes her head.
Izuku's phone rang with the song sang by All Might himself called 'With All Your Might!'. Izuku was embarassed that it was heard and answered it while blushing. His face turned serious afterwards and pulls Ochako with him and also not forgetting to take the test papers with him.
"Sorry, another villain appeared. They need our help!" He yelled.
"Do you need us?" Tsuyu asks in worry.
"Don't worry, you two do your thing! It'll be over in a flash. We'll visit you again next time, if possible. Bye!"
"Good luck working, Tsuyu-san!" Ochako shouted at her while waving.
Izuku and Ochako exited and disappeared on their sight.
Tsuyu and Katsuki stared at each other for a moment and seemed to have a deep understanding to what they should do next.
"Chess or Jenga?" Katsuki challenged.
"Chess." Tsuyu's eyes narrowed.
So bo~~~~~ring... By the way, this isn't a weekly update. Just whenever I feel like it.