Chapter 8

Rodney paced his room staring at three t-shirts that lay limply on his unmade bed. He stepped closer to a khaki one, which had an arrow pointing upwards and said 'I'm with genius.'

Although this was his favourite "Maybe that's too cocky for our first date."

He flung that back to the open drawers, which landed half in and half out. The last two were definite favourites that were a tough decision from a light blue t-shirt that read 'Mr. Fantastic.' And the last was a black t-shirt with a red dalek, how could he not pick the red dalek?

"McKay to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here."

"Sheppard…John I need your help, may you come to my quarters please?"

"Sure be there in a sec."

Sheppard put his book down in the two years of being there he had managed 34 pages, something always came up when he was reading it. John's quarters weren't far away from McKay's; as Sheppard leisurely let himself into McKay's room he caught a sight of a semi-naked McKay.

"McKay put a shirt on…please."

"That's my problem, I have a… date."

"A date?"

"Yeah a date and I can't decide which of these two to pick."

John studied the shirts.

"What is that?" pointing to the dalek.

"Oh it's a dalek, a machine that was on Dr. Who a sci-fi show that they used to show episodes in Canada and it was just, well look at them aren't they cool?"

John arched an eyebrow "If you say so, are you wearing a shirt with them? I would say the thing, the dalek that was what it was called right?"

Rodney nodded and grabbed the t-shirt and slipped it over his head and stood in front of John waiting for an answer.

"Well? Is it all right, do the trousers go? Oh god they don't do they, I can't wear one of my military tops their all used or well one shows my…nipples through!"

John snickered then with a straightened face "Rodney you look fine, go have your date, hope it goes well with you and Carson."

Rodney's head glanced up "I didn't say it was with Cars… Dr Beckett."

"Rodney please 'course it's with Dr. Beckett who else would have you?"

Rodney raised a hand but didn't repeat what was in his head. "Thank-you John."

John left and Rodney went in the opposite direction to Carson's quarters, he politely knocked.

"Let ya'self in." Came a nervy Scottish accent.

Rodney stepped in cautiously "Dr Beckett."

"Please enough of the formalities its Carr-sun."

"Sorry Carson, I…I…haven't done this for a ahhh…a while."

"Aye same 'ere, please take a seat."

Rodney noted how Carson had pulled his desk out and it was laid neatly all it missed was candles but Rodney noted Carson wasn't that camp.

"So'ry 'bout the food, it's from the mess I don't think they would 'ave taken to kindly to me making food in their kitchen."

"That's okay I quite like the rations, actually I like hospital food as well, although I don't like aeroplane food, can's get seconds."

"Aye, well you won't need seconds when you see what's for desserts!"

Rodney's heart skipped a beat and his mouth went dried up at the double entente that Carson implied, Rodney managed a nod and they began to eat.

At first they ate silently with occasional question of the others health, which seemed quite false due to Carson being their doctor. The night became easier and they chatted about some plans they both had for research, Rodney finally asked more on the retrovirus somehow they managed to hit some subjects for both of them that were sensitive.

"Rodney can I ask, there was a rumour that you built an A bomb for a science fair or something and were detained by the CIA?"

Rodney smiled "Yeah that's true, I was in sixth grade wasn't fully functional or anything, but the CIA believed someone else helped make it. Anyway how'd you find out?"

"Sixth grade?"

"Yes, err that would be equivalent to…I was 8 or 9 at the time."

"Bloody hell 8 or 9 and ya built a bomb, my god you are a genius!"

Rodney wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or actual dumbfounded ness that he Rodney McKay could build something so cool, and so young. Rodney smiled and he hesitantly asked, "Carson, I hope you don't mind be asking but what happened with you and Perna?"

Carson hadn't heard that name for so long yet the events still played in his mind from time to time. "Perna was such a sweet lass, Aye she had a beautiful intelligence about herself, something I admired. May I ask one more question, why do you push ya'self to prove that you are capable of better things? And Och that didna come out right." Carson took a slow deep breath "Ever since Doranda, I've seen ya continually push yourself to the brink of illness and yet you still think you have to prove ya'self to us…to me."

Rodney's face had paled slightly the last person he talked about Doranda got himself into an argument with Samantha Carter. Rodney stood, this startled Carson he thought his question had offended the scientist; instead Rodney carried his chair around so he was next to his date and sat down. Rodney breathed a few times then began.

"That machine would have been the greatest weapon we could of ever had, the day I watched the door open and see a crisp body that was once a scientist, I couldn't help but believe it was my fault, I begged Elizabeth to let us go down there again, and well looked what happened…" he paused for a moment trying to force the image of the dead body away that lingered in his mind. Carson noted the pained look on his face and placed a hand on his knee and quietly spoke

"Ya don't have to talk about it."

"No, no I'm fine. To realise the Ancients couldn't control the device, I know I may spout off about how great I am but this was bigger than me and really I should haven that I couldn't control it, but yet my own arrogance drove me on, destroying 1/3 of the solar system in the process. I regret it deeply, but yet I feel that everything comes back to that moment. That scientist would still be alive and 1/3 of a solar system would still be in tact."

"Aye, it's too late to change all that, but the way ya going it's like your finding every reason to kill yourself."

"I don't mean to honestly I had to take the enzyme it was the only way I'd get back, except I wasn't sure how much I needed, and so the incoherency of myself when I was back here made me annoyed that I had let everyone down again."

Carson's hand tightened slightly on Rodney's knee, and dragged his chair closer to McKay so he was between Rodney's knees both hands ran circles around his thighs, the sensation caused Rodney to flinch and his temperature began to rise and blood rushed down to his lower extremity. Rodney couldn't really concentrate.

Carson continued "You need to stop thinking that you are gonna fail, you're a brilliant scientist, you've said it yourself but your low self-esteem is something that we need to work on. Your beautiful in so many ways."

"Guh." Was the best Rodney could answer Carson spoke again.

"I didna know if ya understood that night when I mentioned Daniel sayin' I was jealous. He meant it about Dr Carter, he noticed me on the balcony when she arrived and seeing that photo you kept of her, I found it unwise to try or say anything, well ya weren't exactly speaking to me because of Cadmans actions."

Carson had blushed at bringing the subject up and pulled his hands away, Rodney missed the contact and blushed as well somehow this wasn't what he planned for a first date. Carson retracted back, and moved to the bed with a glass of juice.

"Rodne' I know we both have baggage that will be always painful to each of us, but ya need to know I want to be the one to help soothe your pain."

Rodney's glare continued to search the floor for answers…for words

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Rodney continued to lie there hitting the bed with his clenched fist, the night before hadn't gone to plan and now he had felt he had lost any form of hope to be close to the one man he desired the most. He turned to the side and sighed heavily and just watched the rain pound against his balcony. After forcing himself up, he made hast to the gate room for today's mission.

Rodney stood and watched the plume deploy from the stargate and his fellow teammates walk through however he seemed to be stationary. Weir looked on from her office he was still standing there for so long that she had walked to the gate controls and over the tannoy asked "Rodney, are you going?"

He glanced up and stuttered "Y…yes sorry." And walked forth through the gate.

The planet they arrived on was in mortal danger, only this time the wraith was not the reason, a volcano that was situated on the planet had been dormant until the people used geothermal energy to power their shields, which Norina a scientist of that world, a blonde scientist Rodney noted to himself and continued to listen to her explanation.

"You've kept your shields on at full capacity?"

"That is correct Dr McKay."

"Oh please call me Rodney, the power as thermal energy has caused the volcano to become active and the energy is building up and so the volcano will erupt."

A tremor had caused the complex to shudder and a scientist had cut his head on the control panel, the tremor ceased and Sheppard spoke, "I suggest we get Beckett down here, help some of the wounded."

Rodney flinched at the name; "Yes well I'll send a message to Elizabeth."

Carson arrived shortly after and was placing a small plaster on the guy's head and turned to the team to see Norina chatting to Rodney

"Perhaps one day, I could study under you?"

McKay half stuttered half flirting and realising Carson was only feet away

"Yes well I look forward to that, but first we need to get off… we need to get off this planet and then you can be under me and …"

Again another seismic tremor shuddered through. Sheppard rushed to Norina's side while Rodney took refuge under a console. When he saw John Sheppard he rolled his eyes and continued to correlate data and other scientific research, as Carson looked on with saddened eyes.

Time was much of the essence especially as the stargate was just enveloped in thick molten lava and so no possible way to get home. The discovery of a ship was helpful; Carson stayed in there and helped the locals that couldn't be taken by the Daedulus, he was silent the whole time, not even glancing at Rodney, while he worked on getting the ship to fly.

Sheppard clicked his radio piece and used his dirtiest trick ever "Rodney?"

"Yes?"

"How's it coming?"

"Not too well."

"Guess then we are all gonna die."

"You're doing that on purpose!"

"What?"

"Creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome." He spat.

"Oh yes, yes that's exactly what I'm doing. It has nothing to do with saving the lives of these people, it's all about you." He breathed deeply "Get your ass back to work and fix those damn engines!" he clicked off his earpiece

"He'll fix them, trust me."

And much to his word Rodney had a genius plan and it was a great possibility it would fail miserably but Rodney didn't voice his concern.

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They relocated the whole population and Norina kissed Rodney's cheek feverishly

"Thank-you Dr McKay."

"Your welcome, please it's Rodney."

Sheppard who stood in the background stepped forward "Goodbye Norina, keep in touch."

She smiled and stepped through the gate, Sheppard hit the back of Rodney's head. "You're a dumbass McKay, a serious dumbass!" He walked off to the hanger bay Rodney quickly followed "What do you mean by that?"

John stopped and glared and began to vent. "You blatantly flirted with her in front of Carson. I knew you had issues, but to rub it in his face is out of order even in your standards!"

McKay glanced around and there was noone but himself and John "I never remember having to go through you to what I can and can't do. If I want to flirt with someone, god damn I'll flirt I'm not with Carson and free to do what I like."

John stepped back out of puddle jumper 2 with a bag "I know the date didn't go too well by the sounds, but to do it so soon."

What the two men hadn't realised was Carson Beckett had hidden himself away from the others by cloaked one of the other jumpers and sat there glumly, he heard all of their conversation and his body shaked trying to restrain himself from leaving the jumper, which was hard but he staid a little longer.

"The date is something I don't want to talk about again. It was wrong and I knew I shouldn't have thought any different but anyway John this is my life and I live it my way!"

Carson then uncloaked the puddle jumper to the surprise of both men and slowly walked out, his faced was reddened from tears that he had already shed; he looked at John and then to Rodney. Rodney's knees felt weak and a sickness grew from his stomach forcing it's way up to his throat but nothing appeared.

"I see, it was that bad?"

Rodney tried to stammer an apology but a few gargled words was all he could muster.

"I'm so'ry I didna live up to your expectations, good day John, Rodne'"

Carson left and John stared at the floor, glancing at Rodney in time to catch him as his body slumped against the floor and swore to himself. A tear trickled down Rodney's rough exterior.