Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
Not long after that little "I'm sorry" moment between Bowser and I did something else occur. Seems as though in his excitement to get his ball back, little Lemmy bounced his ball a bit too much and it went out of control before smacking Wendy in the back of her head. As if that wasn't bad enough, it hit her with enough force to slam her to the floor and busted her snout, making it bleed. By the time we got to see the aftermath, Morton and Roy are holding her back while poor Lemmy is bawling because she apparently popped his ball so Larry and Ludwig are trying to calm him down while Iggy is acting like a negotiator. Jr., on the other hand, is just watching everything on the sidelines like an unhelpful spectator. You can almost picture him standing there with a tub of popcorn in his hand. Cute, but not cool.
Bowser, with his booming authority, stops the indecent from escalating any further than it could get. While I assess the situation and do my best to do damage control. Luckily, Wendy's nose isn't broken as she so heavily implied and would have liked us to believe. Bowser chooses to take care of Lemmy and I tend to Wendy. Honestly, though he got the better end of this. Dealing with an emotional teenage girl is like a category eight or nine storm. Your only hope is that you can survive when it gets super bad.
"Is it bad? It feels really bad. Oooh...Don't tell me! I don't want to know!"
"Wendy, dear, stop fussing. I can't clean you up if you keep flailing like a frightened bird."
I rub her nose with my extra bit of shirt.
"Lemmy, calm down. I'll fix your ball. I get you as many as you want. Just please, stop crying."
Lemmy tries to settle down for Bowser. All be it, very slowly and still with whimpers.
"Is it broken?"
"No, it's not broken. At best, a minor boo-boo."
"Minor?! You call this minor?! I'm hideous!"
"You're over exaggerating."
"There's not enough makeup in the galaxy to fix this!"
"Oh please. You have a 99% chance of not even forming a bruise."
"Oh my god! I'll never show my face in public again!"
"Stop. Just, stop."
"But..."
"No. I get you got hurt, but do try to suck it up. Just because you're a teenage girl, it doesn't mean you have to make a drama like this out of a simple accident. No one respects a crybaby."
Wendy and a few others look at me funny for that. But it's never easy to give someone a bit of tough love. I tilt her head back a little.
"Breathe out of your mouth for now."
"Okay...When can I put my head down?"
"When I get some tissue to plug your nose with."
"What?!"
"Do you want to be a fountain or look silly for a little bit? Your choice."
Wendy reluctantly gives in to my care and I try to guide her to a bathroom to clean her up.
"We'll be back, boys."
"Okay. We'll be here...maybe."
Bowser is focused on Lemmy, but that doesn't mean the others are. Larry, Iggy, and Ludwig stay with Bowser to get Lemmy back to being his former happy self. While Morton, Roy, and Jr. come along with us girls.
"Boys...Do me a small favor and look for some tissue."
They rush ahead of us and begin scouting rooms.
"...You've done this before, haven't you?"
Wendy breaks the silence as we walk. I kinda feel weird about this. Like these weird instincts are turning on. Is this what parenting feels like? So...Weird.
"I have. If it makes you feel better, I will admit to busting my nose into doors quite a few times in my life. It hurt, yes. But really, I felt more embarrassed then pain when those moments happened."
"Really? How come?"
"Because I'm the dork that opened said doors that I then turned my face into."
She tries to hold in the giggles.
"Can I ask...What's the worst time you ever were hurt?"
"By accident?"
"Yeah."
"I was coming down the stairs of my parents home and slipped backward. I went a little under halfway down those stairs on my butt and my left foot got jammed in the doorway of the stairwell. That incident resulted in me being unable to lay flat on my back or walk correctly for about two months."
Wendy cringes.
"Ouchies...And the time you were hurt that wasn't an accident?"
I don't respond.
"Lynn?"
"...You don't want to know the answer to that one."
She averts her eyes from me from awkwardness. I don't want to share such information with the kids. They are tough little buggers, but they shouldn't know of the really bad stuff. Not yet...They're not ready. Suddenly Morton runs up to me with a wrapped roll in his mitts.
"Yes, dear?"
"Morton couldn't find any tissues. But Morton did find toilet paper."
"That'll work."
He unwraps the roll before handing it to me. I rip off a few squares and fold them int a thicker sheet. Then I roll the sheet up and rip it in half before putting a part in each of Wendy's hands.
"What do I do with these?"
"These go up your nose."
"Really?!"
"It'll plug your nose to stop the bleeding and let you put your head back down."
She looks at all of us and is unsure. On the one hand, having her head up for the next hour or so really sucks. But on the other hand, the boys are most likely going to mock her for her goofy looking stuffed nose. So she looks over at me, reading my face for what she should do. I guess my words from earlier sunk in for the most part. She puts on a tough face and twists the tissue into her nostrils.
"*stuffy* So...How do I look?"
I give her a thumbs up. She looks over to the boys. Jr. gives her two thumbs up. Morton grins happily. Roy...He's one slip up away from busting his gut in the loudest of ways. I try to give a quiet warning growl to make him stop before it he lets loose. Thankfully it works. Though I don't know how much Wendy really believes us in our good gestures. Yet besides helping her, I do need to help Lemmy too.
"Wendy...Did you really pop Lemmy's ball?"
She folds her arms.
"Maybe."
Now my hands are on my hips.
"Young lady, you do know you have to apologize to him."
"What?!"
She isn't happy but neither am I.
"Why should I apologize?! He hurt me!"
"Not intentionally. Balls bounce uncontrollably. Do you really believe he meant to hurt you?"
"...No."
"That's right. So when we go back there, you're going to say you're sorry."
"Then...I want him to apologize to me!"
I huff loudly through my nose. I think I'm picking up traits from Bowser.
"Jr...You saw everything, yes?"
Jr. nods his head.
"Yep. I sure did, Mama."
"Did at any point in this kerfuffle had Lemmy attempted to apologize?"
"Yes. He did, Mama. He said it the moment she hit the floor."
"And what happened after that?"
"She got mad and yelled. Then popped the ball with her nails."
My patience for this behavior is growing very thin and my sneer shows it. But Wendy isn't backing down...yet.
"I...I don't remember that happening."
"Morton? Roy? Can you corroborate Jr.'s eyewitness testimony?"
"Morton saw the whole thing! Lemmy tried to say sorry, but Wendy was too mad and popped the ball."
"That's how I remember it too, sugar. Wendy flew off the handle and went ballistic. Probably too ticked off to hear Lemmy. Though, the runt was a bit weak-voiced in fear. Could barely hear him myself."
"Hey! I am not on trial!"
"Like shell you're not..."
Time to play judge.
"Wendy O. Koopa. You are charged with aggravated assault on Lemmy's ball. How do you plea after hearing the testimony of three witnesses?"
"Not guilty!"
"I hear your plea and throw it out."
"What?!"
"As judge, jury, and executioner, I find you guilty. And with that, I sentence you to apologize to your brother or suffer the punishment of two months without any sweets or the use of beauty supplies."
She pales and her jaw drops.
"Y-You can't do that!"
"I can and I shall."
"B-But you're not the boss of me! You can only tell Jr. what to do."
"I am tasked with taking care of all of you, not just the Prince."
"You can't do this! You can't! You're not my real mommy!"
I feel something hurt somewhere inside, but choose to ignore it.
"I know I'm not. But that's why I can do it. And you know what else?"
I get in her face and she backs up.
"The fact that I'm not should make you all the more frightened by my power in your life. I'm not your mother. I never will be. And yet I have more say than whoever she was. So let that sink in for a moment. Because I am here. I care about you. And if I say you have to do something, you best do it for you are lucky enough for someone to give up part of their life to make sure you are doing right in yours. Now you are going to march back there with us, give Lemmy a hug, and say sorry for busting his ball. Have I made myself clear, young lady?"
That did it. The once tough girl of the Koopalings submits with her head held low.
"Yes, mommy."
The hurt I felt before starts to fade. I smile softly and take her into my arms, much to her surprise.
"You're a good girl, Wendy. But you need to control your temper. I can help you, only if you let me."
She holds onto me and I do my best to hold her up. Sorry Jr., this time my arms are holding someone else. Poor girl. I think I scared her. This thought has me look at the boys and my heart sinks. The looks they are giving me...Roy looks off-put. Morton looks worried. And Jr. looks as though he's about to cry.
"I'm sorry. Please don't be sad or mad at me. I...I said things that were bad. Things I should never say."
I didn't mean to open that forbidden 'mother' jar. In a single moment, I became the wicked step-mother like in fairy tales. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like dirt. I feel...A hand tugging my shirt? Jr.?
"S-Sweetie?"
"You are our mama, Mama."
Jr. hugs my waist and now I'm about to cry. Fight it! Do not cry!
"You're not a Koopa and you're not the lady that laid our eggs. But you're more of a mother than she ever was."
Morton comes over and hugs me along with Jr.
"Morton?"
"The way I see it, sugar, you can be our 'mom' if ya want...So long as you call me daddy~."
Roy winks as he approaches and I nearly drop Wendy in shock. No one else found him to be funny.
"*loud snickers* Oh my god, Roy!"
"Too much?"
"Yes!"
Jr., Morton, and Wendy shout. Yet he merely rolls his eyes and sneaks in a nuzzling kiss to my cheek.
"We love ya, sugar. And we know ya love us too. You're just speaking the truth and it makes us remember that there was someone else that was supposed to be this nice in our lives. We don't like thinkin' about her all that much."
"I can imagine. I didn't mean to sound like I was replacing her, because I can never do that. I only meant that I am here for you guys. I care about you all so much. Heck, I hit Peach for bad mouthing you. All I want is to make sure you all are happy. And sometimes, making sure all of you are happy means I have to be the bad-girl and make you do things you don't want to do. You can be mad about it, that's fine. I don't like being told what to do either. But I'm only telling you what to do because I don't want you to do something foolish. You understand, don't you Wendy? You know you want to apologize to Lemmy. I bet he'll say sorry too if you say it. So what do you?"
Wendy shifts in my arms and nods her head.
"I will."
"And will you get him a new ball?"
"...Yes."
"That's my girl. Everyone ready to go back?"
They nod as I lead this little pack back to Bowser and the others.
"Hey, sugar...Mind if a bug ya a sec?"
"What's up?"
"What did the old man have to say that was so dang important?"
Uh...Quick! Think of a cover story!
"Promise not to get all worried?"
"Sure."
"Well...Word has gotten around that Mario and Luigi had beaten Castle Four. He wasn't sure the rumor was true until today. The brothers are reaching Castle Five or have already gotten there by now. That is what he wanted to tell me."
Yes! Good job brain! That is both believable and true. You're so clever.
"Really? They've gotten that far already?"
"Yep. I believe it's why the King has decided to rush this marital party of sorts."
"Makes sense. King daddy has always been one to rush when he thinks we're losing time."
"Figures."
"Speaking of Papa...Do you think he managed to calm Lemmy down?"
"I hope so."
Things on Bowser's end were at least going smoother than had he ended up stuck helping Wendy, or so he believed. It took much time and effort into talking Lemmy down from his shrill morning of his ball. Jokes were told, funny faces made, promises of better things sworn, the whole shebang. Honestly, it was quite the show if anyone other than the family saw it.
"Lemmy? How do you feel now?"
Still, the young boy sniffled but gave his family a weak smile.
"Better."
"Is there anything else we can do for you, dear brother?"
Lemmy shakes his head.
"N-No. I'll be okay."
"Do you want me to fix this one for you? I can make it better. Unbreakable even."
Lemmy again shakes his head.
"Thanks. But no. You can if you want to, Iggy. But this one is gone. We had our fun times and that's what matters."
Lemmy pats the deflated remains.
"Good ball. Sleep now."
Bowser leans over to Iggy.
"You're still going to make that into an unbreakable ball, right."
"Oh, absolutely."
"Good."
"Oh! Father, I've been meaning to ask you something."
"Yes, Ludwig?"
"What was it that you and the fair maiden spoke about?"
"Uh..."
Think King dork!
"I...um...I had...informed her that...the...Mario Brothers...were...uh...reaching Castle Five. Yes! The Mario Brothers have passed the four starting castles and are closing in on the fifth. I told her to be ready and to have a place she can hide while we take care of those two mustached losers."
"I'm sorry..."
Uh oh.
"What did you just say?"
Bowser turns around to face me and the others.
"Uh..."
"Are you for real? You expect me to hide when those chumps kick in our front door and demand our meal ticket back? Yeah, no. No freaking way that is happening."
"Lynsie..."
I hold up my free hand to make him stop.
"First things first..."
I put Wendy down and usher her to Lemmy.
"Go on dear. You know what to do."
Wendy approaches Lemmy who recoils a little.
"Lemmy..."
"Yeah?"
She hugs her younger brother and he hugs her back.
"I'm sorry, Lemmy."
"I'm sorry too, Wendy. I didn't mean to hit you."
"I know. I overreacted. I promise, later today, I'll take you out for ice cream and I'll get you any ball you want. Price doesn't matter."
"...Really?"
"Yes."
"...Okay."
Now that is much better. Siblings getting along. Yet now that the kid portion of parenting is over, I now have to deal with adult matters. Such as a guy who thinks I'm going to not defend our home from plumbers. Wow...Weirdest thing I've never thought I'd say yet.
"So what's this about me hiding while you all fight?"
Bowser puts on his tough King demeanor.
"You've never fought them before. You don't know what they can do. You're better off not mixing into things if and when they show up."
I fold my arms and glare.
"You have never seen me really fight before. You have no idea what I'm capable of. You should know better than to think I can't hold my own, especially against dudes."
Bowser narrows his eyes.
"Woman, I said you are not getting involved and that's final."
"And I say, good luck trying to stop me."
We stare daggers at each other. Sparks flying. No one wanting to back down.
"Mama! Papa! No fighting!"
Jr. gets between us in defense.
"No more fighting. Family doesn't fight family."
The boy makes a point. We should be saving this sort of spirit for our enemies and not aim it at each other. Yet I'm not giving into Bowser's dumb idea of hiding away when trouble starts. I get that he's just looking out for me. He's showing he cares. But I have lived this life fighting back those that seek my harm. I do not run. I do not hide. I confront the problem. And if I can't convince it to go away, I make it go away. I do not cower. But I do compromise.
"My King...How about we make a deal?"
"I'm listening."
"I will agree to not fight them, if...I am the one to guard the Princess upon their arrival."
"Why?"
"You normally keep her close to you when they fight you, correct? So they reach her easily when you lose. And before you can recover, they are already long gone. This way, she'll be kept away and if you are in the unlikeliest of moments beaten, you'll have time to get them as they search for her location. Does that sound like a reasonable plan to you?"
Bowser ponders this.
"I suppose that does sound like a better option than having her in the very next room. And it would keep you busy in a non-fighting way...*mumbles* I hope...*normal* I guess I can agree with this idea."
"Then we have a deal."
I offer my hand with a smirk and he gives me a wary look before grasping my smaller appendage.
"Yo! So are we all good now? No one else wanna bust out fightin' or anythin'?"
Roy's question is met with silence and the random shrug here or there.
"So, Papa, what do we do about the problem?"
"What problem?"
"I believe he's asking about the Mario Brothers."
"Oh, that! It's fine. Thanks to Kamek, those two should be running into some interference any moment now."
"Interference? More hired help?"
"Believe me, if those two HELP, I'll make them royalty when I rule the Mushroom Kingdom."
I am confused for a moment before it hits me.
"No way...He hired them?"
"I'm afraid so."
I raise my hands in surrender.
"Nope. Not dealing with them. Wario is one thing, but Waluigi...I get enough flirt action here. You want me to hide, that man is enough to make me leave."
The kids do a double take and Roy's head nearly snaps from the force when hearing that.
"Sugar say what?"
Bowser runs his hand through his hair.
"I know. I can't stand that lanky purple poser. I can't believe he really tried to kiss you at Peach's party."
Roy loses his mind.
"WHAT?!"
I merely shrug.
"A bet's a bet. He won fair and square. Heh...But thanks to you, my King, I didn't have to pay up. I still owe Wario though. I don't like to welsh on bets."
"I'M GONNA #%*&$ MURDER THAT #%*&$!"
"Roy! Swear jar!"
[Meanwhile: Deep in Soda Jungle]
The so-called "help" was walking towards what can only be described as nowhere looking for their sworn nemeses on a trail they believe the heroes will be travailing on. Yep. Truly only the best men were hired for such an important job like this.
"This has to be our easiest gig yet."
"I know, right? We follow the path from-a the castle to the village. Do this till we find them. Then kick some plumber butt. The easiest coin we've ever made."
"Yeah. And if we do a great job, it'll earn us some major points with them."
"Them?"
"You-a know..."
Wario sighs and rubs his face.
"Are you-a still hung up on her?"
"I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about her since the party."
"I would've thought that punch snapped you-a out of it. The girl is with flame breath. End of story."
"True...For now."
Wario looks at Waluigi's sinister grin. This can't be good.
"Oh no..."
"What?"
"I know that look. Nothing good happens when you-a get that look. So what stupid idea is rattling around in that head of yours?"
"*chuckles* Nothing. Nothing at all."
"That. That right there. I don't-a trust that. So start yapping or you'll end up walking this mile alone."
Waluigi takes off his hat and wipes his forehead with his sleeve.
"She still owes you-a coin from-a making bets at the party, right?"
Wario eyes him.
"Yeah?"
Waluigi puts his hat back on.
"What say you-a let me collect your coin from-a her?"
"And why would I let you-a do that?"
"Because I can get it faster for you-a and it'll let me schmooze a bit more with her."
"You-a think that's a reason enough for me to trust you-a with getting my money?"
For Wario, the girl and what she does is none of his business. At best, the big man in yellow saw her as a maybe lackey if he ever needed a woman to pull a job with. No way he'd trust that scheming Syrup. Never again...even if she was super attractive, what with all that treasure the woman has hidden away. But Waluigi is another thing. While Wario and Waluigi sometimes bicker, their relationship overall seems to be a positive one, with them sharing good chemistry and trust in bad situations. Though Waluigi can be easily distracted when he thinks he can get away with something quickly whereas Wario is locked onto his task unless something of greater importance calls. Right now, coin and fighting were on Wario's mind. So this plan of Waluigi's wasn't completely out of the question, but it did put a possible threat to his potential coin. What if Waluigi forgets the coin because he's paying too much attention to the dame in a shell? Waluigi would have to say something good to be allowed such a task.
"I'll pay you-a double."
"Deal!"
That'll work.
"Now talk. What sort of super secret thing are you-a gonna do besides schmooze? Because I've seen you-a schmooze and no girl ever was impressed enough to give you-a her number. Smack you, yes. But nothing else."
"Hey, I have a trump card."
"Like what?"
"You-a were there. You-a saw how she looked when she saw me dance."
Waluigi busts a move ending is a flirtatious pose.
"I'm going to charm that woman like no ever has."
Wario pretends to gag and Waluigi sneers.
"You're just jealous."
"Right...I'm jealous that you-a got a girlfriend that is currently the girl of our employer. You-a nailed it, buddy."
Waluigi scoff as Wario chuckles to himself. This type of witty banter goes on for quite some time.
"Man, we've been walking forever. Where are these mooks?"
"It's been ten minutes."
"Whaaaa?"
Wario shakes his head.
"You're hopeless sometimes, I swear."
"But that little Paragoomba said they were headed this way. Why is it taking so long?"
"Will you-a pipe down! All you-a do is run your mouth. It's no wonder you're still single. You-a talk more than a woman."
"*gasp* You-a take that back."
"Nope."
"Like you're one to talk. I don't-a see a girl on your arm, Mr. Bigmouth."
Wario stretches and puts his arms behind his head in a relaxed way.
"I don't-a need to show off any gal of mine."
"Yeah, because you-a have none."
"That, my friend, is where you-a are super wrong."
Waluigi rubs his nose with his thumb.
"Oh yeah? Prove it. Name one girl that would WILLINGLY go out with you-a and you-a didn't have to pay her to do so."
"Easy...Mona."
Waluigi's left eye twitches.
"Mona?"
"Yep."
"The one that works for you-a part-time?"
"That's the one."
"The high school girl?"
"Did I stutter at some point? Yes, Mona, the same girl you-a are talking about is the same one I am also talking about."
"...You're going to end up in jail."
"What? Why?"
"She's a high school student for crying out loud!"
"She's eighteen. I'm not stupid. Besides, the girl's got spunk. No one else has even chased me down and demanded a paycheck before."
"But still...The age difference?"
"Eight years ain't much. And what can I say really? I like a girl with moxie."
Waluigi had to agree with his buddy there. The wilder the girl, the more appealing they were. And judging by Wario's past crushes, his taste in women had evolved over the years. During one of Princess Peach's Birthday Bashes, Wario was starting to show having a crush on Peach and tried to one-up Mario by buying her a doll she wanted for her birthday before Mario could. Wario also had a golden statue of Peach that Mario stole back, but other than that, later interactions do not portray Peach as a love interest for Wario. Captain Syrup surpasses Mario as Wario's greatest nemesis, she measures up to him in terms of both wit and greed. Captain Syrup has called him "handsome" on a few occasions, although it is most likely sarcastic. Instead, Mona fills the role of a possible romance, with various material revealing that she harbors romantic feelings for her friend and employer, Wario, who is occasionally hinted to return the interest. Waluigi, on the other hand, comes up short in this category. Having only one romantic interest, Princess Daisy, although there is little evidence otherwise that confirms this relationship and Daisy, meanwhile, does not return Waluigi's affections. So he's not really all that experienced with strong women. After all, he did aim high to start with, going after the flower power Princess before seeking out this infatuation with Bowser's brawling beauty, the fair Lynsie.
So they continue on their way. The jungle is alive with sights and sounds that will boggle the mind. Flora and fauna have evolved in such odd yet unique ways. Para-Beetles, Heavy Para-Beetles, Piranha Plants, Piranha Creepers, Fire Piranha Plants, Banzai Bills, King Bills, Wigglers, Big Wigglers, Sumo Bros, Bramballs, Grrrols, Bulbers, Jellybeams, Stone-Eyes, Big Goombas, Big Koopa Troopas, Targeting Teds, Jungle Fuzzy, Fizzlit, Spiny, various Hammer Bros. and Mechakoopas all thriving in a land with Poison Water. This place is nuts!
However, some of these sounds of nature are starting to not make sense. Like, if they had to guess, it sounded like there was a dance-off with some frogs and crickets. But no way was that a thing. Was it?
"It's getting louder."
"Argh! My ears are gonna start bleeding soon."
"Wanna find those loud schmoes and flatten them?"
"And me without my motorcycle. Looks like it's your lucky day, smashy and bashy."
Wario kisses his knuckles and rushes ahead to pummel some noisy creatures with Waluigi close behind. They expected to trample over some puny critters. What they got was ramming head first into their reverse color schemes...The Mario Brothers.
"Hey! Watch where you're going!"
"Us? It's your fault we crashed. Running at us like crazy people."
"What are you-a two even doing out here? Shouldn't you-a be tripping little old ladies down some stairs and stealing their purses?"
Luigi gasps in horror.
"Whaaat? You-a guys don't-a really do that...Do you?"
Wario scoffs.
"Please. What do you-a chumps take us for?"
"We're bad guys. Not octogenarian incapacitaters. We have standards."
Mario rolls his eyes.
"Okay...Then what are you-a both really doing out here?"
At this the pair of rapscallions grin.
"Funny you-a should ask."
"We were going to beat up some crickets and frogs for being annoyingly loud."
"Oh! That was us. See? These badges make our steps sound like that."
Luigi does a little tap dance to make his point.
"Then this is a happy coincidence."
"Why?"
"Because it's why we're here."
"We're here because you're here."
"Kamek's been really keen on this 'stop the Mario Bros.' thing and he was kind enough to extend a chance to do you-a in as our gift to his boss in return for some major coin."
Luigi slumps.
"Go figure he'd hire these two."
Waluigi strikes a threatening pose and points at his enemies.
"That's right! Quake in fear you-a pathetic pipsqueaks. Tremble before our awesome might. For the time has come to meet your maker!"
"Buddy?"
"We shall squash you-a like the tiny bugs that you-a are and grind your remains into the dirt!"
"Hey!"
"What?"
"They walked right past you-a while you-a were talking to yourself."
Waluigi blinks a few times and does a doubletake to confirm they are indeed now behind them. This seems to set him off, causing him to go just a bit nutty. His face reddens, he bares his teeth, and he stomps his foot harshly into the ground. Wario knows better than to even move at this point. No need to become a blip on his buddy's search and destroy radar.
"Hey! Who do you-a think you-a are?!"
Mario doesn't bother to turn around but Luigi does.
"Who? Me?"
"Yes! You! Both of you! What? You-a think you're better than us?! You-a think you're so great that you-a can just walk off in the middle of someone's speech?! Is that it?!"
Luigi frowns, feeling guilty for doing something so rude. Mario on the other hand...
"Pipe down will you. Nobody wants to hear anything you-a have to say. Especially if you're able to lose to my goof of a brother."
"Mario, that's not very nice."
"Oh yeah? And what's he going to do about it?"
Waluigi is livid. Wario, who frankly wasn't doing much till this point, taps his friend's shoulder and presents him with a Bob-omb with a devious smirk.
"Why don't-a we show them what it means to disrespect us."
A wicked gleam sparkles in Waluigi's eyes and he takes the deadly explosive.
"This is why we're friends. We get each other."
Waluigi takes a runners position and jets off like a flash. Hearing a sudden whoosh, the Mario Brothers turn around just as Waluigi has an increase in speed and begins to circle them, creating thorny purple vines behind him which act as a thick wall. This wall blocks off the now dizzy duo and now it's Wario's turn. He takes aim of the wind and let's loose a nasty trail of toxic gas behind him. This has the brothers coughing and gagging for breath. All the while Waluigi, having moved out of fart range, has set himself up to chuck the Bob-omb into the center of the cloud.
"Think you're better than us? Think again!"
He hurls the Bob-omb dead center.
"Fire in the hole!"
The Bob-omb detonates and ignites the methane in Wario's fart, causing a massive explosion that none of them was prepared for. Everything is sent flying in all directions as the area is set in a stinky blaze. Wario is sent flying to the West, Luigi to the North, Waluigi to the East, and Mario to the South. Now the four are separated into the depths of the wild jungle. Two of them seek to hunt and harm the others. Two of them are making loud obnoxious and easily traceable sounds. Only skill and fate will determine how this will turn out. And it's not like this is going unseen either. The ever watching eyes in the sky that see all and report all.
"PG Scout #526 calling Base Commander. Come in base command. Over."
"PG Scout #526, this is Base Commando #728. What have you to report? Over."
"Sir, Wario and Waluigi have engaged the Mario Brothers. Over."
"What happened? Over."
"They dirty Bob-ombed them, sir. Part of Sector 5-23 is now on fire. Permission to call in the other Para in the area and perform an emergency water drop. Over."
"Permission granted. Put out that fire before it spreads. Over."
"Sir, what about the targets? Over."
"Put out the flames first. I'll handle the targets. Over."
"Roger that. PG Scout #526 ending communication. Over."
[Meanwhile: Koopa Castle station tower]
Base Commando #728 cuts the line and moves over to a different station before turning it on.
"Attention ground units of Sector 5, this is Base Commando #728. Be on the lookout for the Mario Brothers in your area. Last seen in area 23 fighting with Wario and Waluigi. Do what is necessary to aid those two in stopping the Brothers. Air units will not be able to supply aid for an unknown amount of time due to combating a fire in the vicinity. Remember the code we all vowed to serve when we joined the Koopa Troop. We do what we do because we have to. We fight for our rights for who else will. We are the line that stands between chaos and order. Down with the Toadstools! And praise Lord Bowser!"
Base Commando #728 ends the announcement and sighs. More paperwork is needed to be written up.
"Hey man, I heard you through the door. Everything okay?"
A small Spiny enters the command center.
"*sigh* Yeah. Just more junk happening."
"Didn't sound like junk."
Base Commando #728 tears a sheet of paper off his pad and drops it to the floor.
"Take that to Master Kamek. He'll want to be kept up to date on this."
"Okay..."
The Spiny takes the note and heads for the door.
"You know...You should take a break. You look tired."
Base Commando #728 just looks at them funny.
"I only just clocked in."
The Spiny blushes with embarrassment and rushes out of the room, leaving the tired looking Goomba.
"Rookies. Wait till things get really crazy around here. Then tell me I'm tired. *scoff*"
The flustered Spiny races around the castle as fast as its little legs will allow. Darting in and out of rooms in search of the wizard supreme. Lord knows what'll happen if Kamek doesn't get this in time.
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.