"I've been curious lately..." Katsuki pondered whilst he place a hand on his chin.
"What is Master curious about..." Tsuyu steps close to Katsuki. "... that he'll ponder with a hand while staring at the wonderful heavens."
"Well, you see..." He glares at Tsuyu suspiciously. "Now that I thought about last time, I realized that you've never actually did your mission at all. You've been indiscriminately exploiting me for your entertainment by doing 'perpetual persecution'! Doesn't this violate anything at all?"
"..." Tsuyu silenced herself for a moment before responding. "Master, no existing laws have been found that corresponds with your complaint."
"You've paused for a moment, you know?" He retorted after he caught her pause. "And I can remind you a few laws that does violate it."
"Okay, I understand, Master." She starts to undress herself again. "You just want to continue what happened on the first day. Is that it? I don't really mind."
"That's not what I was implying, dammit!" He slams his hand on the table in front of him.
"Please specify your point, Master."
"Why can't you unnecessarily shove the contract on my face now?!"
"Oh, that's what you mean." She takes out the contract and did shove it on his face. "Then, Master, the point you were saying aligns to the fact that completely follows the point of this contract. I guess you were correct about that."
"And what should you do about it?"
"The correct course of actions that I concluded is just to 'deal with it'!"
"Can't you fucking communicate with me properly at least!?"
"Okay, here's a suitable communication method for you." She said while afterwards impassively giving him the forbidden finger. "Does this comply with your demands?"
"I'm gonna fucking kill you."
"And here's my response to your horrendous and cliche threat." She replied while giving the forbidden 'it' to him again. "This sign language that I performed means 'I'm scared'. And it's surprisingly popular to the masses."
"I think this one already understand Master's predicament." Tsuyu apologetically stated with a blank look while currently tied up and surrounded by countless timed C-4s that are ticking. "This one's actions may or may not have been too overbearing and should be undoubtedly minimized to a tolerable extent. I may have went a bit too far."
Katsuki cracks his knuckles. "You've been too full of yourself lately. And you didn't just went 'a bit'... you've ruined my peaceful life!"
"People should discuss things accordingly and in proper manners."
"Oh, you mean like that one time five minutes ago where you like.." Katsuki exaggeratedly tries to remember what happened 'five minutes ago'. "I don't know, used your so-called custom-made and kid-friendly 'sign language'!? My muscles are like spasmodic right now and feels like they want to murder someone and even I myself feels like it's worth to do it.
"Master, I think you need to calm down a little bit."
"Or, or, we," Katsuki laughs manically. "Can play Bomberman in real life! It's just like the video game except we get to have adrenaline rush to support us!"
"Master, what is the estimated fun factor of this game?"
"Mathematically, about only 0.001 percent of the people of the world will truly enjoy this game. With a fun factor of 0.1 percent fun and the rest containing loads of adrenaline rush and an unstoppable two hundred beats per second heart rate. If we regard it logically, then, no one can truly enjoy this."
"Master, lawfully speaking, deploying C-4s onto your own home regardless of consequences shamelessly disregards the law regarding the use of illegal items. It's already surprising how you bought these bombs without being arrested."
"I have connections..."
"I believe I shouldn't have learned that, should I?"
"Yes, you shouldn't have."
"Well anyways," Tsuyu nonchalantly stands up as the rope loosens up by itself while the countless C-4s stopped ticking by itself. "I guess we should really get serious."
"Wha- how!?" Katsuki's mouth was agape while he stares at the C-4s which are turned off.
"I practiced disarming bombs when I was a kid."
"Why!? And that still doesn't make any sense!"
"Just in case."
"In case of what? Terrorist attacks?!"
"If I could, I wish I could disarm the bomb inside your brain."
"Fuck you!"
"Well, putting that aside." Tsuyu ignored his annoyed remarks and sat on a couch that faces him. "I believe we do have to take your 'ferocious' matter solemnly. Judging by your impression of me, my existence itself always activates that ticking time bomb on your head."
"Yes, that is correct." He nodded.
"So I profound this idea that has a ten percent chance to resolve this dilemma." Tsuyu snaps her fingers.
A figure opens the door and entered the establishment. That same person then skips by and sat beside Tsuyu enthusiastically.
"And what can this person do?" After Katsuki realized the figure, he listlessly slumped to the couch. "Liquefy me into a puddle?"
"Hey, I can hear you, you know!?" Retorted by the person in question. "Asui-chan, you think this a good idea!?"
"It's Tsuyu." She replied and then stares at Katsuki. "Master, this person right here has a positivity to negativity ratio of 99:1. Theoretically, that ratio subtracted to the amount of your superiority, short-temperedness, and vulgarness which amounts to about 80% of your whole well-being, excluding your lack of self-control, results into an effective impact to your overall temper."
"Again, what is she suppose to do?" Katsuki asks for another time.
"Oh, come on!" Tsuyu shrugged her shoulders. "Have you never watched TV shows before in your lifetime? Look at the signs, a girl suddenly coming into your doorstep without notice!"
"So you don't consider yourself as a girl?" Katsuki asked in reflex.
"Can you steek that useless mouth of yours for a moment?" Tsuyu coldly replied.
He avoided her gaze in moment's notice.
Afterwards, Tsuyu cleared her throat. "As I was saying, almost just like a Miai [1], Mina over here is going to have a date with you."
""WHAT!?"" Katsuki and Mina yelled at the same time.
"Tsuyu, this is not what we have talked about before!" Mina interjected quickly.
"You expect me, a battle-hungry monster, to initiate a date with this girl or even any girl in this damnable world? Even our useless devotees wouldn't think of this idea, maybe."
"Everyone calm down for a second, I'm certainly sure that you two had your own doubts on this. But I'm sure no regrets will manifest to your heads." Tsuyu giggles impassively. "Heeheehee..."
Katsuki copies her mockingly. "Heeheehee, my ass. You're messing with me again."
"Tsuyu, you said this is only going to be a consultation about a depressed classmate." Mina looks at her frustrated classmate anxiously. "Looking at him, he looks like someone who's going commit a murder out of little spite."
"My assumption of your personality became a little ironic."
"Why do I feel like you had assumed I'm only a 2D character. That's just cruel."
"You know what I think?" Katsuki stands up. "I think this is bullshit."
"Master, halt your engines." Tsuyu intervened. "If you think she's not to your preferences, we can get that arranged."
"With what?"
"With this person." With another snap of her fingers, another person entered their household.
Wearing a frilly green dress with a dark-green headband, this person is so embarrassed that this person held the hem of the dress tightly while struggling to walk in high heels.
"W-what is this?" Katsuki is so horrified that he sat back to the couch.
"What else? I believe this is one of your hundreds of fetishes."
"It wasn't, it was all a misunderstanding!"
"H-Hi... ah." The figure stammered and then tripped to the ground and rubbed his head in pain. His head. "Ouch... my head"
Katsuki face-palmed. "Deku, seriously. As an 'epitome' of the male specie, you should act like one. Are you a girl in your past life?"
Izuku, who is wearing a dress, fumed to his remark. "I wasn't! Asui-san blackmailed me into doing this!"
Katsuki anxiously looks at Tsuyu. "How are you so good at blackmailing people?"
Tsuyu avoids his gaze while crossing her arms. "I don't know what he's talking about. I'm not a manipulative person."
Both Mina and Izuku glares at Tsuyu in disdain.
"Well you're not a person, that's what I- gebuu-" Before Katsuki could finish his insulting remark, he was knocked off by a long tongue.
"Surely you jest, Master. Refrain being excessive."
"Okay, fine." Katsuki touches his stinging cheek. "Forget I said anything."
He stares at Mina. "I heard from you that you're some kind of consultant."
"Yes, that is correct." Mina nodded.
"Then, how about this. Ignore whatever outrageous that this maid said and consult me." Katsuki suggested.
"B-but what about me?!" Izuku asked in desperation.
Katsuki didn't even spare him a glance and said, "You have two choices, fanservice or comic relief?"
"Neither, shut up!" Izuku retorted in exasperation.
"Well, your choice." He sighed. "Anyways, let's begin this shit."
"Um, I'm not really a professio-"
"No big deal, go on." Katsuki permitted.
"O-okay." Mina blushed and started fidgeting. "W-well, tell me your problem."
"Anger, frustration, short-temper, endless outrage, irritation, etc." He listed.
"Ah-yes," Mina responded. "I can see that. Can you tell me the root cause of all of this?"
"Deku."
"Me!?" Izuku points to himself.
"Okay, we're making progress here." Mina wipes her forehead in nervousness. Afraid of Katsuki becoming angry out of nowhere.
"Yeah, that's a lot of progress..." Tsuyu replied in sarcasm while rolling her eyes.
"Zip it, Tsuyu. This is a delicate situation. This is just like disarming a bomb." Mina signalled her to close her mouth.
"Such a great illustration right there." Katsuki interjected in sarcasm.
Mina ignored his remarks and continues. "So, Midoriya-kun is the root cause. Can you tell me why?"
"Because he's weak and Quirkless, that's why!" He answered begrudgingly.
"Uhm..." Mina looks at Izuku suspiciously. "Why does he keep thinking you're Quirkless? It can't be a baseless statement, right?"
Izuku's eyes darted around in the room nervously. "I, I don't know what he's talking about."
"Ri~~ght..." Mina rolls her eyes in annoyance. She's already thinking that even a kid would know he's lying by acting like that, it's so obvious.
Ignoring his denial, she went back to Katsuki. "Well, considering that you did think he was Quirkless, that still doesn't prove anything why you hate him. That's not entirely the reason, isn't it?"
Katsuki harrumped. "Of course it is."
He glares at Izuku intently. "Even if I exclude the fact that he is weak at that time, his eyes overflowing with clicheful of confidence and determination that I could even imagine a scene of him jogging on a bunch of stairs while some shitty training music plays on the background makes him look like he's going to have a convenient plot armor and gives him a hundred percent guarantee to become the greatest hero of all time and also gains millions of fans that will undeniably compose countless stories about him gaining some even more overpowered Quirk or Harem, might include both. As for me, the rival, will stay as second place for the rest of my life, like most rivals out there. Yep, that's just detestable."
"Hey, don't blame me!" Izuku depends himself. "I got all of this power due to kindness, heroism and friends-"
"Yeah, yeah, friendship is magic, it conveniently gives you super powers, we get it, Izuku. Go stand in the corner and think about your mistakes." Tsuyu retorted.
"But I didn't do-"
""Now!"" Katsuki and Tsuyu demanded at the same time.
Izuku, feeling wronged, walked towards a corner, sat down and hugged his knees while rocking back and forth.
"Okay..." Mina stared at the situation with confusion. She recovers herself and continues to talk. "So basically, superiority complex."
"That wasn't it!" With a vein in his forehead, Katsuki stood up and yells.
"That is indeed correct." Tsuyu nodded with resolve.
Mina sighes in resignation. "I hate to say this but... this might be need a long term rehabilitation."
"For how long exactly..." Tsuyu asks.
"Well, let's see..." She puts a hand on her chin. "He rages at school at an average of twenty times a day, that's a hundred and forty times each week that he's at school only plus the root cause which is Deku. Deku, if converted into numeric form, amounts to one million. Divided by amount of times that he can control himself within a year, which is two. Minus... he's not homosexual." She paused for a moment before she answers. "Should be more or less one hundred years."
"And what method will be executed to rehabilitate him?" Tsuyu asked in curiosity.
"Oh, it's simple." She shrugs listlessly while staring at the weeping Izuku. "Just make Midoriya-kun kiss him everyday. Once a day should suffice."
With just a single thought, Katsuki felt like he's about to puke. "What kind of murder is that!? Do you really think I'm not going to kill you!?"
"Why am I into this?" Izuku blushed deeply while he hugged his knees tighter.
"You need to stop blushing now or else I'll call the police!" Katsuki yelled in anger.
Mina places a hand on her forehead as if frustrated. "You guys are a pain. How about this? Let's just downscale the dare. Just give him a hug, that should be good enough, right?"
"Good enough, my foot!" He rejects the idea readily. "You expect me to hug him, while he's crossdressing no less? You might as well end me!"
"What's the matter? Isn't this for the sake of your so called 'number one hero' ambition? Are you telling me you'll abandon it just because of you're inability to hug a cute crossdresser such as Midoriya-kun? You're seriously lacking so much boxes."
He gritted his teeth in anger but submitted to her demands regardless. "Fine, but after this, I'm going to dunk myself to a volcano. Don't wait for my return."
"Wait, no one has asked for my approval yet!" Having heard of their conversation, Izuku interjects their agreement while standing up and walks in to them. "This is forced labor!"
"Your opinion has been discarded." Tsuyu replied. "Your fate has been sealed the moment you wore that dress. You crossdresser."
"You monster!"
"For someone who agreed to relieve someone's pent up feelings, you're pretty contradicting." Tsuyu coughs and corrects herself. "I stand corrected, I meant pretty and contradicting."
"Stop it!" He pouted while he starts hitting Tsuyu's back femininely. "I'm not like that!"
Tsuyu analyzes Izuku's actions in pity. She sighed and looks at Katsuki. "Master, even though this one is pretty confident with her skills, this one feels like Izuku seems to really fit the maid prefession better than this one does."
"What makes you think that?" Katsuki rhetorically asked while also looking at Izuku.
"Ugh," Izuku groaned in annoyance. And so, he pounced to Katsuki's arms and wraps his arms around his waist. "Let's just get this over with."
Katsuki stared downwards and saw Izuku hiding his embarassed expression on his chest. He cringed to the utmost extreme due to this and pleadingly looks at the girl's in front of him. "How long are we actually going to do this?"
"Just... a... few... seconds..." Mina answered and slowly aiming her camera at the two guys embracing each other. Breathing heavily and staring excitedly.
"Hey! What are you doing!?" He was exasperated by her weird behavior and so called out to her.
Still aiming her camera, she answered, "It's nothing, I'm just going to sell these at the school. No big deal."
"It is a big deal! And you look like someone who's going to keep those for yourselves like a stalker!"
"Is it done yet?" Still buried to Katsuki's chest, Izuku asked while not caring about any future consequences anymore.
"What the hell!? You don't have a say in this!?" Katsuki asks in exasperation.
Izuku glares with a red face at Katsuki. "I, I just want to get this over with."
"Stop acting like a girl, damn it!"
"Congrats, Master!" Tsuyu claps in admiration. "You're job changed from 'Bomber' into 'Trap Master'. I'm proud!"
"Scram!'
[1] Arranged marriage.
Good job me, I'm so bored that I created this 'whatever this is' chapter. I'm so ashamed of my boredom.