A/N: I'm 15! Okay, I was fifteen like, about ten days ago, but due to the untimely death of my grandma, I didn't have cake.
But I did have presents. Four, actually. All from relations and none from friends. So sad.
And, I know I must be really "the what" to say this, but can't my gran die on my birthday? That would have been sooo cool. It would prove, once and for all, that my life is cursed.
But she had to die two days before. I'm not lucky, but neither am I cursed. I'm just…boring.
Man!
And I have, in response to alana124pyro's request, made this chapter longer.
Happy reading.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
The pink-haired figure turned her head reluctantly towards the source of the voice. "Hi Ino," she said tonelessly.
The blonde kunoichi put her arms on her hips and glared up at Sakura, who was, of all things, up on a tree. "What the fuck are do you think you're doing? Get down here right now!"
Sakura scowled. These people! What was so wrong about her sitting in a tree that practically everyone had to come and lecture her? Trees were public property, right? She was free to do whatever she liked! And currently she just felt like hugging a tree! Was that so wrong?
"Ino-pig," she grumbled. "None of your business." And she turned back to face the tree she currently had her arms around.
On the ground, Ino rolled her eyes. "I certainly think it's my business to know if my best friend has had a change in sexual tastes and has decided that trees turn her on."
"God! What is wrong with you people? Am I not entitled to a little tree-hugging? As far as I know, the tree's not complaining, right? It probably even likes it! It loves my company!"
Ino folded her arms. "Now, are you coming down, or shall I have to go up myself to get you down?"
Sakura scowled. "Make me."
Ino gave an exasperated sigh. "Okay. Whatever. Either you come down now, or I'll go get Tsunade."
Sakura pouted.
"I'm going now," warned Ino. Sakura's eyes widened. "One, two-"
"IgotdrunkandaskedGaaraifmyboobsweresmallandhesaidyesandthenIgotmadanddestroyedapub!!" Sakura wailed.
Ino relaxed. "Is that all? Thank God. I seriously thought you went pyscho and fell in love with a tree there.
"What do you mean, is that all? I just told you my darkest, deepest secret and all you can say is is that all?!"
Ino rolled her eyes. "Let's face it, it's not exactly, like, a life-threatening dilemma or anything. I mean, he's Gaara. Why are you worrying about what he'll think of you? If it was Sasuke I'll totally understand… besides, why did you go and do such a stupid thing as that?"
"You mean asking his opinion on my breasts?"
"No, I mean getting drunk in the first place! Was that where you went when Sai insulted you and you left in a huff? The pub?"
Sakura turned back to face the tree. "…Yeah."
"Well, you should know well enough by now not to listen to anything that he says! After all, nothing of what he says is true-" Ino paused and surveyed Sakura critically. "Well, the whole you being 'flat-chested' comment was, admittedly, somewhat on the mark, but the rest of it…"
Ignoring Ino, who was blabbering on, Sakura turned to the tree and told it, "My life is ruined."
The tree didn't reply.
Sakura sighed. She had a lousy life. You get drunk in pubs and make a mess of yourself, and even trees don't symphatize.
"Besides, why are you up there?"
Sakura turned to look at the blonde kunoichi on the ground. "I'm avoiding Gaara and Tsunade," she said. "And nothing you say can make me come down."
Ino looked curious. "Avoiding Gaara?"
"Yeah."
"In a tree?"
Sakura paused to think. "Well, you've got a point."
Ino snorted. "Like, whatever. You're very impulsive, aren't you? And why are you hiding from Tsunade?"
Sakura's face grew dark. "You know the pub that I destroyed?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, let's just say she probably won't be getting any of her supplies of fine quality brandy anytime soon."
Understanding dawned, and Ino looked shocked. "Ohh. You are so busted."
Sakura moaned. "I know."
"But, she's probably gonna get all the more angry if she hears this from anyone else but you."
"Well, I certainly don't want to be around when she finds out. She'll kill me."
"Don't you get it, Sakura? It'll be better if you told her yourself-"
"…rip me from limb to limb… torture me to the brink of insanity…"
"-than if she heard it from someone else! Sure, she might be pissed-"
"…pick my bones clean and grind them for flour… make me suffer in pain…"
"-but at least you're willing to come clean! She might just forgive you! Have you been listening to what I said?"
"…tear my flesh apart to feed the vultures- huh? Oh, yeah, I heard you."
Ino rolled her eyes. "So duh, go and tell her! I generally prefer my best friends to be alive and not, say, a pile of bones in the earth!"
Sakura moaned, and slid to the ground. "Don't remind me."
"You what?!"
Sakura winced. God. How many times did she have to say this?
"I…um, got somewhat- well, just a little drunk, and, well, I kinda accidentally… smashed a few walls down…" She stole a look at the Hokage, who was, at that moment, looking decidedly thunderous. She did not want to be here. "I'm really sorry. I swear, I'll pay for the damages! And I'll help rebuilt it!"
Sakura shot a dirty look at the red-headed figure standing in the corner. Couldn't he at least help her out a little? Jerk. He'd been standing in Tsunade's office when she entered and told her that she had a little confession to make. Tsunade had, of course, dismissed him, but with that calm, stoic expression that Sakura was beginning to find very annoying, he said, "I should stay. I believe that Haruno-san's confession may involve me."
Fucking asshole! Hah! He probably just wanted to gloat when she was being yelled at by Tsunade. No matter what they said about him being totally reformed- she wasn't buying it one bit. Murderer or no, he was still a jerk. She could swear she just saw him smirk at her!
Tsunade sigh as she massaged her forehead. "And why exactly, may I ask, did you take it into your mind to, as you so aptly put it, 'smash a few walls'? Never mind," she continued briskly when Sakura opened her mouth to answer, "I don't want to know. I'll pay for the damages. But I do not want anything of the sort happening again, you understand?"
Sakura looked appropriately abashed. "Yes, shishou."
Thank god, thought Sakura as she walked meekly out of Tsunade's office. The Hokage hadn't asked exactly what part did Gaara play in it. She'd rather forget it ever happened.
Well, that was all the loose ends. All except one…
Sakura glanced nervously at the retreating back of the Kazekage. She could not, she knew, just leave it, as it would haunt her forever every time she saw him. This way, she could at least settle the scores…
She strode forward to him and, before she could talk herself out of it, cleared her throat loudly to annouce her presence.
"Kazekage-sama?" She asked primly, as the red-headed turned to look at her. "My sincerest apologies for… the past events. I acted irresponsibly and completely out of line. So will you allow me to treat you to dinner? Strictly on a professional basis, of course."
Please say no, she begged him silently. Just please, please say no and we can all go home happy… and no one will be able to say I hadn't tried…
Clear jade eyes looked her up and down, and heedless to all her silent pleas, said, "It will be my pleasure." Then he walked away.
Sakura blinked. It had all been out of courtesy! He wasn't supposed to accept! He was supposed to go, "Oh sorry I have this blah-de-blah-blah meeting and then avoid her like the plague! This shouldn't be happening!
But, as she was learning, with Gaara, mere supposing wasn't any good. He just didn't follow the unwritten rules like anyone else.
If her life had been one big movie, she would have collapsed to the floor, going, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" But sadly, it was not, and she had to make do by going, "Oh, fuck."
She was dead meat.
Sakura sat at a table, staring nervously at her dinner partner, feeling somewhat…awkward. She'd spent the past few hours admiring her reflection in front of the mirror- soft layers of cream-coloured silk that fitted her purr-fectly, sweet! Though naturally, she had the foresight to slip several shuriken into her dress, hidden in all sorts of unlikely places, such as the hem of her skirt and the, well, admittedly sort of roomy space in her chest region. But whatever. A girl had to be prepared. After all, she was dealing with Gaara here, and although Naruto might trust him, she thought different. The weapons were just… insurance. Like, if he should turn out to be completely insane or go berserk suddenly. Or something.
And she hadn't forgotten that insiduous remark regarding her chest. Lacking in cleavage, indeed!
Kages, Sakura was quickly learning, did not make very good dinner partners. Or at least, this one didn't.
She'd never met a more unscintillating conversationalist. All her attempts to start up a conversation got washed down the drain, and she was finding the silence a wee bit suffocating.
Rule Number One when talking to people, she told herself, was to find something in common that we can both relate to.
And if there really was nothing in common, you improvise.
She stared doubtfully at the less-than-appetizing meal that her dinner counterpart had ordered. It looked like some kind of slimy slug.
"So!" She said in a desperate attempt at cheerfulness, "You like gizzard tongue?"
Gaara gave her a careful look. "I must admit I find it satisfying."
"Well, what do you know, so do I! I absolutely adore gizzard tongue!" Whatever that is, she added to herself.
Gaara remained silent.
Oh, what the hell. "In fact, I love it sooo much, I'm going to order it as well! So there! I mean, ha! Ha! Haha!"
"Ha," Gaara intoned.
"Waiter!" She turned around, waving, somewhat aware that a small part of her brain, the more sensible part, was telling her to shutupshutupshutup…
"I'll have some gizzard tongue, please!"
Oh well. She just sealed her fate. She just wished her tongue had talked it over with her brain before it started wagging about. Stupid tongue.
"So," she said to Gaara, resting her head on one hand. "What is it that you like about gizzard tongues? The texture? The taste?"
Gaara gave her a strange look. "The taste, presumably. I do not really take pleasure in eating. I merely see it as a need that requires satisfying."
What? What had he meant? Oh, hell.
"Well, personally, I love the texture best. It's so firm, and light, and…" She trailed off, eying Gaara's plate suspiciously. "…slimy, and cold, and weird-looking- I mean, good-looking! Yeah! Gizzard tongue looks good!"
When he did not comment, she made another stab at conversation. "Do you like all tongues, or only gizzards'? I enjoy trying all sorts of tongues. Snakes, chickens, you name it!" Sakura paused, and ran the last sentence through her head again. Wait, since when had she liked tongues? Did chickens even have tongues?
At that moment, her order came, and the waiter set her plate in front of her with a twinkle in his eye. "Enjoy."
Oh, fuck. Fuuuuuck.
She just dug her own grave.
It looked… well, there was only one word for it- disgusting.
There was this mass of… slimy, icky things all covered in brown with the occasional piece of broccoli.
She almost said, "Am I supposed to eat that?!", but managed to stop herself in time.
She glanced at Gaara. "This, umm, looks delicious!" she cried happily in a nervous sort of way. "Yummy!"
Gaara didn't reply.
"Umm, well, I guess now I have to eat it!" Shit, she was blabbering. Somebody stop her stupid fat tongue!
Ooookay, this can't be that bad. If it really was, they wouldn't have made it legal, right?
She eyed Gaara nervously. He was eating it, and he looked fine… as in, he hadn't broken out in warty long tentacles- yet.
Sakura gave an inward shudder as she turned to stare at that-gross, icky- simply delicious- thing- delicacy on her plate. And gave Gaara, who was watching her carefully, a nervous grin.
"Well, haha, here goes nothing!" God help me, she added silently.
She cut herself a portion of the squelchy mass, closed her eyes in silent prayer, and… put it inside her mouth. And chewed.
Ewwewwewwewweww…
It tasted horrible. Like some slimy, icky slug in her mouth…
She forced herself to swallow, and almost choked. It tasted so bland!
Eww. I can't believe I just ate a tongue of some animal I don't even know.
God. Water. She needed water.
She grabbed the nearest cup on the table, and downed it in one gulp, while Gaara watched with some measure of curiousity.
Sakura finally surfaced for air, choking. With tears in her eyes, she told her dinner partner, "Umm… that was… yummy! Wasn't it?"
Gaara coughed politely. Not that he had much experience, but Naruto's friend was definitely as strange as they come. She'd just eaten something she obviously did not like. Not to mention that glint that caught his eye in the strangest of places…
Sakura was, at that moment, eying the rest of her dish with a certain amount of fear. No way was she eating the rest of that…
"You look very beautiful tonight, Haruno-san."
Gaara's unexpected compliment caught her of guard, and she found herself turning red with pleasure.
Oh! How sweet of him! I can't believe I thought he was a jerk. He's a perfect gentleman!"
She beamed at him. He wasn't so bad, after all.
"Why, thank you, Kazekage-sama," she said sweetly.
Gaara was, at that moment, rather pleased with himself. Kankuro had, after hearing what had happened in the bar, burst out into convulsive laughter, between which he'd managed to say, "You don't-hahahaha-just-ahaha- tell her that! You gotta-hahaha- please her! Tell her what she wants to hear!"
"But that would have been lying."
Under his brother's formidable glare, Kankuro choked back a laugh, and said, "Yeah, but when it comes to women, it's all about lying smoothly! Tell her she's hot, even when she's not! That, or end up a pancake on a pavement. Trust me, I know."
When Gaara remained silent, Kankuro continued, "Listen, bro. I know you're not really good when it comes to the ladies and all that. So I'm giving you some expert advice: Tell her stuff that makes her happy. Stuff that she wants to hear."
Gaara frowned. "Would that mean that Haruno-san would want to hear that she has ample cleavage, despite it being untrue?"
Kankuro snorted, and said, "Yeah, it would."
In the light of this, Gaara decided that another compliment would certainly please the pink-haired kunoichi.
"You have very big breasts."
Sakura's smiled froze on her lips.
"What?" She asked intelligently.
Gaara blinked, and repeated what he said.
"I think that you have very big breasts."
"What?!" Sakura began to choke. "What did you say?"
Gaara stared at her curiously. She did not seem really pleased. In fact, she looked rather… shocked.
Oh, God! How could she have thought he was sweet?! He was a perv! Gaara was a perv!
"You're a perv!" she accused him.
Gaara blinked. This was not going as well as he'd expected. "I beg your pardon?"
"Asshole! Was that what you've been doing, staring up the front of my dress while I was eating? What kind of Kage are you? You are such a sick pervert!"
She stood up angrily, much to Gaara's bemusement. "And I hate gizzard tongues! I'm not eating another tongue in my life! It was disgusting! You're disgusting! Goodbye!"
She straightened her dress, shot him a dirty look, and flounced off.
Gaara blinked. Did something go wrong?
He looked down and fingered the shuriken which he'd relieved the kunoichi of when she wasn't looking.
Funny, but he was sure girls didn't normally carry weapons between their breasts.
alana124pyro: I certainly hope I made this chapter as "awesome" as the last. And long enough, too. XD
kaname's harisen: Thanks. I supposed it is kinda rushed, especially when she spun from wanting to smash Sai to wanting to kill Gaara. I tried to take my time with this one, though.
Cheekydemon: Oh yess, he is hot! High-five!
Rohain Tahquil: Sorry I didn't use your idea here. But when I got hit with the "You have big breasts" thing, I really couldn't resist.
A/N: I love Gaara! He can be so clueless! I was somewhat doubtful about the first part, though. It seemed rather OOC of Sakura. But I couldn't bear to delete it.
And to be honest, I have no idea what a gizzard is. Nor how its tongue looks like. I was merely assuming that a gizzard's tongue, like so many other tongues I have seen-and that would be very many indeed, due to the strange compulsion of the boys in my class to stick their tongues out at each other- that it should look all slimy and gooey. It could probably be a fried tongue-on-a-stick kind of dish that Gaara likes, or tongue pie, or tongue flavoured crème bulee. I'm just guessing here.
Did I mention that my birthday song was sung in a dingy café on a dank morning by my half-hearted dad and bro over four bowls of laksa? Dad claims it's the best laksa in the whole of Kuching, but still.
I want cake. :(
And as usual, possible sequel. I have this idea stewing in my mind…