Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
{I stomp my unhappy ass down what seems like an endless hallway in chains and escorted by Toad guards pointing spears at my back. Seems my day of sentencing has finally arrived. I don't remember how long I've sat in that damn cell for, but it's been too long in my opinion. I could probably escape during this. It would be too difficult. Toads are so easily defeated even when armed. But the shackles pose a movement issue I might not be able to work with. Just when I work up the courage to strike, I'm blinded by the bright light and we come to enter a room. Once my eyes adjust to this light, I see the one person I can't stand. They are my judge, jury, and executioner. They rule over all kingdoms with an iron fist. They are...The Mighty, Empress Peach Toadstool. While she looks kind of like her usual princess self, she is different in some big ways. Her skin is darkly pale, her dress is black with white details, and she now wears a cloak with similar black with white details. Her crown and her jewelry take new shape and are red now. She also carries a more cruel and twisted expression.
"Ah, the traitorous little freak. Your time to grovel for your pathetic life has finally come."
This woman...She enslaved us all. Her and her heartless enforcers, the Mario Brothers. They strongly resemble how they normally look except they dressed in black jumpsuits that strangely retain their former overalls' large buttons. They also wear a bandanna around their neck in their respective red and green color. Their gloves, shoes, and belts are dark gray. Their caps are black and over their faces are a black mask which seems to effectively hide their murderous eyes; these masks make their eyes appear to glow white.
My poor King. Lord Bowser...Look at how they mock you now. Not only did they murder you and the children, but this house of horrors of a throne room is decorated with your shells, with Bowser's being her chair. It makes me sick. They killed my family. The ones I loved are gone. Nothing more than trophies and forgotten memories to them.
"Well? Out with it. I want to hear you beg."
"Kill me now, you heartless #%*&$. I have no reason to live when you took away that reason. So do it! Do your worst! I #%*&$ dare you!"
I'm then pummeled for my words by the brothers, all while her royal bitchiness gleefully enjoys the show.
"Now now, boys. Don't hurt her too much. If she dies now how will we be able to take pleasure in her screams?"
They back off and I growl from on the floor.
"I will see to it that the devil makes a special spot in hell just for you. You steaming pile of Yoshi #%*&$."
She sneers and stands up. Taking her time to slowly approach me.
"Filth like you is why I will cleanse this world. All those that refuse to bow will suffer."
"You're a monster."
"Would a monster try to make this world better than it was? I won't stop till I make the whole world peachy."
I want nothing more than to kill this woman. I want to reach out and strangle her. To watch the life fade from her eyes until there's nothing left. To make her an empty shell like she has done to my loved ones. But I can't move. I can only watch as she stands before me and then stabs her pointed heel into my side.
"Any last words before I end your miserable life?"
"Yeah...*spit* Go #%*&$ yourself!"
She kicks me in the face. Blood and teeth hit the floor.
"I am going to enjoy watching you die."
"Then do it! You already won. There's no point in having me rot in that cell. Kill me and let this be game over. Give me release and allow me to see my family again."
She aims to grab that deadly heel into my skull but just ends up tapping my forehead. I'm confused by this and her smirk is not making me feel better about staying alive.
"You know something...I've changed my mind. You don't get to die today."
My eyes widen.
"In fact...You are not allowed to die till I say you can."
She steps back and I'm seeing red with the levels of rage boiling in my veins.
"I hereby order this sad whelp to be reprogrammed into the most loyal follower. In fact...She'll be my best friend."
"Like hell I'll let you break me!"
"Good. Resist for as long as possible. It wouldn't be fun if you submitted to quickly."
No! No way in hell will I take this! It's now or never. As she takes a moment to have a gloating laugh I lunge at her, sinking my teeth into her ankle and she kicks at my face to let go. This triggers the Toad guards and spears pierce my back. I cough up blood and feel the warmth leaving my body.
"You fools! I didn't order you to kill her!"
"*sputtering laugh* Suck a bag of #%*&$ you #%*&$...See you all in hell...#%*&$..."
The lights are flickering in my eyes and everything is going dark. I can't hear voices anymore. I'm dying. Sweet release at last. I can see them now...I'm coming home.}
"*high gasp*"
I sit up in bed, shaking and sweating in panic. My heart is pounding like the stampede of a hundred horses. That dream...It was so vivid and real...A nightmare really. It's rare for something close to a nightmare to happen in my sleep, like 99.999% of the time it's just randomness. But that 00.001% is when the bad stuff happens. I guess it was just one of those times. I'll need a shower to wash this messed up feeling away. I just hope I didn't freak out in my sleep. I'd hate to have bugged Roy.
"Roy...How'd you sleep?"
Looking over, I feel silly because he's not there. But there is a note on the nightstand.
"Let's see what he wrote...Hey sugar, hope ya slept as well as I did. By the time ya read this, me and others will be puttin' on that show for the mushroom skank. You're more than welcome to come see but at the same time, ya don't have to unless ya want to. I know that #%*&$ ticks ya off, so I ain't gonna make ya be in the same room with her. Though if ya do come, I totally wanna see ya kick her butt. Not gonna lie, the idea of ya beatin' her up is really hot. *giggles* Oh my god, Roy. You can be such a dork. But at least that answers that."
So I have time to myself. Best use it and get my head together. I go to Roy's bathroom and hop my ass into the shower. With the water flowing and steam fogging the room, it sets the tone for some deep thinking. It's still hard for me to get over what Roy told me.
"We talked. He apologized. Mushy stuff happened. But he told me he'll back off and let us be together."
Why?
"He talked about how he can't help likin' ya, but yeah. He's gonna leave us alone."
Why did he give up so easily? I thought he loved me. I thought he cared. I thought I meant something to him. So why...Why didn't he put up a fight? He just surrendered like it was nothing. Damn him. Damn you, Bowser! Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me care if you were only going to toss me away?!
I stand under the water for a long time. Just thinking and trying to get myself into a mindset that I'd call normal. By the time I get out of that shower I'm a raisin of my former self. My head is still fogged with thoughts. I mean, I do care for Roy, no doubt. But his dad really messed with me like this. Now I have these feelings that I don't know what to do with and I'm supposed to just ignore them because he stooped? Argh! That stupid turtle-dragon! Driving me mad! I want to punch him in that handsome face of his so he can feel some of this! But who am I kidding? I can't hit him. I can make him feel guilty though and loom it over him while he tries to sway Peach. Yes! The evil plan is coming together nicely.
I get dressed and go to leave, only to be stopped when I open the door. There on the ground is my shell. I had forgotten that I left it elsewhere. Picking it up, I feel this sense of loss. Like it's missing something. I want to put it on, but I can't. It doesn't feel right. Not right now. I place it in the room and take my leave. I get a passing trooper to escort me to the castle's lounge area where this little shindig is taking place.
Sneaking into the back of the room, I lean on a wall and watch from the shadows. The children are on stage, singing, and dancing, putting on quite the elaborate show with high entertainment value. Of course, the only seated audience is placed at a fancy table in the center of the room. Bowser is all dressed up, not as flashy as when we crashed her birthday party, but still glamours enough to be impressive. Peach herself is as Princess looking as always. Not like anyone cares, especially me. Random servants bring them food and drink as if summoned by thought alone. This was all very well rehearsed if the timing of table to table service is this topnotch.
"Excuse me, miss?"
I look at the Buzzy Beetle tapping on my ankle for attention.
"Hmmm?"
"Would you be joining his lordship at the table?"
I shake my head no. I'm not in a mood to speak.
"Oh...Would you care to have something to eat then? There is far more than necessary."
I don't want to be rude, despite my mood of just wanting to be left alone, so I nod and follow him over to the table. The chef didn't lie when they said they were making only dishes that have Peachy Peaches in them. Fresh Juice, Fruit Parfait, Fruity Cake, Fruity Hamburger, Fruity Punch, Fruity Shroom, Heartful Cake, Peach Juice, Peach Tart, and Zess Dinners. I make a small plate of just a Fruity Hamburger and cup of Fresh Juice to wash it down with before returning to my shadowy wall spot. I feel like I'm back in school. I'm eating by myself and watching others have fun like I don't exist. I used to like this feeling. I used to like it because there was no one else in my life to be here with me. But that's not the case now. The man that took me in, opened his family and heart to me, is sitting with another woman waiting to propose to HER. The boy that is devoted to me, would fight his father and the world for me, is on stage with his siblings to entertain HER. The child that calls me Mama, the one who cares the most for me and I would die for if I have to, he will be calling HER Mom sooner or later. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Why? Why am I here? Why am I watching this? I should just go. I'm not needed for this. I'm not even hungry, I'm just eating to make the pain stop. This isn't right. I need to go.
"Lady Lynn..."
I flinch from my very depressing thoughts, nearly dropping my juice at the sudden voice.
"Are you alright?"
Oh...It's just you Boom Boom. I guess you and Pom Pom would be here since you both guard the pink pain. For a second I honestly thought it was one of the kids. That would've sucked so bad. They don't need to see me here.
"*weak* I'm fine."
Crap. My voice is all emotional. No way I'm getting out of this easily.
"You're upset, aren't you? And don't bother saying no. I'm not as smart as my sister, Pom, but I know enough that tears mean you're sad."
Wha...Have I really been crying? For how long? Damn it! Stop it! Stop being so broken! I hate it!
"Here...Let me just..."
He takes my empty plate and cup away to the trash. I slide my sorry butt down the wall till I'm huddled into myself to hide this shame. When he comes back I'm to busy wiping my tears onto my knees to notice him sit down beside me.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"*sad* No..."
"Oh...um...Do you, uh...Want a hug?"
"*sad* No..."
He pouts but stays quiet for a bit. I try to calm myself down. The tears are having trouble shutting off. He doesn't like see this scene play out. Knowing his boss, Roy, is unable to do something at the moment and that he'd be in huge trouble for allowing the boss's lady to be miserable without doing anything, Boom makes an equally hard call on what to do that he hopes won't be seen as something else. He carefully drapes his arm around my shoulders and rubs my arm reassuringly. I don't move a muscle and silently thank him for not just letting me sulk. In time he switches this comfort up from just rubbing my arm to stroking the back of my head. As silly as it sounds, I like being petted. It feels nice.
"Thank you, Boom."
"Think nothing of it, Lady Lynn. Master Roy would shuck my shell if he knew I saw you like this and did nothing to help."
"If he sees you being too friendly he might still do that."
"That's why I'm not only touching your arm. Head petting isn't such a big deal."
"You best hope Roy thinks that."
"Believe me, I am."
I chuckle a little and he smiles.
"So..."
"No, I'm not going to say why I was upset."
"I wasn't going to ask."
"Oh..."
"I was going to say you have a cute smile."
I blush a little.
"Thanks. But please, I'm really not in the mood to be flirted with."
He blushes with wide eyes.
"Y-You thought I was flirting?"
I tilt my head.
"You weren't?"
"N-No. You're with Master Roy. You're off limits. To flirt with you would be suicide."
"So you don't want me to keep your phone number?"
"I didn't say that. But...*nervous* D-Don't tell anybody about that. Please?"
"I figured that much. But I'm just sort of used to everyone kind of flirting with me at this point."
"Well, can you really blame us?"
I am confused and he leans his head back on the wall, his petting never ceasing.
"We...Us Koopa I mean...We don't have to best history with humans. Humans aren't something that was normally around in our neck of the woods if you get my meaning. So when they started popping up and trying to take stuff that wasn't theirs, your kind came off on the wrong of first impressions."
"Yeah. I've been learning more about the human encroachment since being here. I had no clue how invasive humanity had been over the ages."
"And the only real interactions we Koopa have is with the jerks of the Mushroom Kingdom. So when a sweet thing like you comes along and treats us Koopa right...Is it any wonder why we try to keep a girl like you's attention?"
"I guess I see your point."
I look out at my loved ones.
"As down as I am right now, I at least can smile knowing I'm better than her. But..."
"But?"
"It doesn't change anything."
I sulk into myself and Boom frowns. Helping me is harder than he thought. But he won't stop trying.
Bowser at his table is having a lukewarm level of enjoyment. The food is good. The show is captivating. Everything is fine...except the company he's keeping beside him. Peach was given the ability to sit here unrestrained, but the boy was her regretting it. The normally cold and distant Princess was being suspiciously charming. Her mood was cheerful, her voice was chipper, and some of the words or actions were flirtatious. She was behaving in ways he had always wanted her to be when around him. But he didn't like it. The wool cover had been removed from his eyes and he got to know what real care was from someone that did truly feel for him. Peach's little act, such false feelings were not going to work on him. The bad thing about this was the guilt making his heart hurt. The tiny part of him that still cared for Peach was enjoying this and it was making him sick. Why was he still doing this? Why put up with this torture? Maybe this was his conscience's way of making him understand what he had been doing. Trying to bide for affection for Peach for so long only to now be repelled by it. A most perfect punishment indeed. Thank the stars that his spitfire wasn't here to see any of this crap.
"You've been awfully quiet, Bowser. Don't tell me you're not enjoying this little shindig you so made in my honor."
"I'm fine, Peach. Just enjoying the mood."
"I bet. Such finery is something I adore. This food? Delicious. The kids? So cute. And you? Why I don't think I've ever seen you look so good."
Her hands feel his arm and he tenses up uncomfortably.
"My...I never realized just how big your muscles were."
He merely rolls his eyes.
"Are you flexing?"
"No."
"*wolf whistle* Very impressive."
"Have you no shame? Did you already forget about Mario?
"Mario could never give me all that you can. Maybe I see now that it takes a King to make a Princess into a Queen after all~."
"Spare me your false praise. It's not as flawless as you think."
She is surprised but tries to play cool.
"False praise? Foolish Koopa, has that little tart filled your ears with..."
"Do not..."
Bowser snarls harshly.
"Do not speak of your better as if you stand above her."
Her little facade breaks for a moment.
"Excuse you? That girl is beneath me."
Bowser digs his claws into the table and gets in her face.
"*hushed* Listen here, you self-centered gussied up poodle. YOU don't get to speak about HER. HER name is to never escape YOUR mouth. That woman is a goddess and you are a speck in comparison."
Peach is positively livid from such declaration. But before any words escape her, something far more wicked come to her mind and she smiles coyly.
"A goddess you say? *giggle* You must care a great deal for that girl if you speak so strongly of her. Funny...I don't think I've seen her since you had me brought here. In fact..."
Her confidence made her voice even more snide.
"If you truly care for this girl, dare I say, even love her...Then, why are you here with me? Trying to grader my favor? Buttering me up with splendor and quite amusing displays? One would think you and her are not pair-bonded since you seek another, more desirable, lady's affection. But that would be silly...unless..."
Her innocent tone does little to hide the venom dripping from her malicious tongue.
"She doesn't love you back, does she? You want her and despite all that you can do, you can't get the girl you long for? *laughs* Oh this is rich."
Bowser wants nothing more than to slam this pig of a woman's face into the table. But he can't. He mustn't show any emotion to this woman. He mustn't allow her any possible way to worm deeper into his soul.
"The might Koopa King strikes out once again on finding love. Oh, the irony is so delicious it puts the food to shame. *mocking laughter*"
Bowser grins.
"I wouldn't be so quick to laugh."
She pauses.
"Oh? And why do you say that?"
"Because she is my first choice to marry. So what do you think that makes you?"
It takes a bit for the realization to hit Peach. But when it does, she stands from her seat and slaps him hard.
"How dare you! I am Princess Peach Toadstool! Ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom! I am no body's second choice! And I will be damn if I'll let you be the first, you miserable pile of...!"
"Hey!"
The sound of another female voice seems to make their blood run cold.
"Touch him again and it will be the last thing you do."
Turning around, they spy the thought absent girl sitting on the floor along the back wall with Boom Boom. Her eyes are bloodshot, the signs of sorrow very telling in those eyes, and she's glaring swords at Peach with levels of hate he had never seen before. Honestly, his spine was trembling under the confines of his shell from the look she had. But of course, Peach didn't listen to such warnings like a sane person would. Instead, she snubbed her nose up the disturbed girl.
"Like you would even..."
The low rumble that reverberates through the room is ominous.
"*deadly* Sit down."
Peach, for once, falters in her demeanor. No witty comeback leaves her. No fight is made. She simply and smartly sits back down in her chair. Bowser is amazed. Peach rarely backs down and never for his spitfire as the two bring out the fight in each other. But not this time. Something in those hate filled eyes broke her defenses and made her yield. At least for that, the King was grateful.
"Hey, grunt! Get your filthy claws off my sugar!"
Another thing that was Bowser was, for once, also grateful for was Roy's possessiveness breaking the rage that consumed Lynsie. The Boom Boom sitting beside immediately flings his arms into the air in submission to Roy's demand, yet it's not good enough. Roy leaps off the stage and storms over to the girl, making the Boom Boom flee.
"Sugar? Ya okay?"
She smiles softly.
"Yeah, tough guy, I'm okay. Boom was just keeping me company and cheering me up."
"Cheering ya up? Did somethin' happen?"
"Just...I had a bad dream."
He pouts and pulls the girl into his arms.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could've been there when ya needed me."
She embraces him in return.
"I know, sweetie. But it's fine. No bad dream can beat me up when I got you and your epic hugs."
The pair shares a laugh as Roy nuzzles kisses into her cheek and Bowser's heart aches at the sight.
"Come on, Roy. We still have one more number to get through and then you can do whatever you want. So get your scaly hide back up here."
Kamek is not pleased by the sudden pause of things after they've been running so smoothly.
"I gotta go for a moment, babe."
"I know. You finish up here and then we can chill."
"Heh...That's my girl. Listen...I have a little surprise for ya later. But ya gotta promise me not to make a big deal out it. Okay?"
"Roy. My dude. Do you really have to ask me such a thing?"
"Just makin' sure, sweet cheeks."
He gives her a kiss before heading back to the stage. The girl stays seated on the floor but is now in much better appearing spirits than the negative aura she had before. However, Peach seems to have taken this scene that has played out to be rather informative on the dynamic of things.
"Now it all makes sense..."
This wasn't going to end well.
"It's not that she doesn't love you back, if that even is the case...It's that she is already involved with Roy. Oh deary me, to be in such a predicament as to in emotional conflict with one's own child for the affections of his girlfriend? You really are quite the mess, Bowser. Even more so than I first thought. And trust me, I believed you to be a huge pile of shattered dreams before. This is now the icing on top of the sad cake."
"*sighs* I hate you so much right now..."
"What?"
"Just shut up and watch the kids. They worked hard for this last bit."
That gets her attention, so she decides to humor him as the room goes dark and the lights hit the stage while the music begins to play. This was going to be so damn awkward now knowing Lynsie was here.
" Got it going on, got that love that won't quit. I feel so guilty, people think I'm hitting it. But they don't know. Ain't got a clue. Just how much I want to worship you. All the time I'm out there beating guys, I'm thinking about your big blue eyes. I'm trying to be worth your time. Because your radiance will strike me blind. You're a damsel in delight. A mighty pretty sight. But girl you know tonight, I'm gonna treat you right. No pressure on my side. Don't worry about my pride. I'm sorry that your hands are tied. Well, excuse me, Princess. Can I get a witness? You're so ambitious. I respect you, girl. You can settle down with this. Maybe someday kiss this. Want you to notice me, hopefully, totally. Gotta mind my business. Cause girl what is this? Never meant to bring you any kind of pain or distress. You mean the world to me. Girl let's be, mutually, lovingly. Slow with this... "
Bowser tries to keep his eyes forward on his performing brood but the stares boring holes into his thick skull aren't helping. To his right, Peach is a flustered mess that is glaring as hard as she was blushing. And behind him, Lynsie was probably more confused he had the children singing this about all else.
" Got it where it counts, a loving heart in this chest. But you keep acting like I don't know what's best. You're a woman and I'm a Koopa. Yet that's what makes our love more super. I am the greatest, I am a King. My power's the purest, but I need just one thing. Storm your land, spread some fear. Because you're the only one that I want, dear. You're a damsel in delight. A mighty pretty sight. But girl you know tonight, I'm gonna treat you right. No pressure on my side. Don't worry about my pride. I'm sorry that your hands are tied. Well, excuse me, Princess. Can I get a witness? You're so ambitious. I respect you, girl. You can settle down with this. Maybe someday kiss this. Want you to notice me, hopefully, marry me...? "
The music stops and a spotlight shines on the tabled pair. Peach is baffled until Bowser pulls out a box. Opening it, her eyes widen at the ring the box holds. She looks up at Bowser, his face is a mixture of 'please say yes' and 'if you say yes then no one will be happy'.
"Peach...Will you marry me?"
"You...You can't be serious."
"I am."
"But...But you...I...I don't understand..."
"What's there to understand? I am a King. I need a Queen. These lands have been in conflict for far too long. So what say you? Do you want to remain the Princess of a land of simple Toads where the only men that try for your hand are men that can't hold a job or rise above being plumbers? Or will you become the Queen of many lands and become the embodiment of peace between our warring people? So again, I'll ask..."
Bowser leaves his seat and gets down on one knee.
"Will you marry me?"
Peach's lower lip trembles till she bites it still. She knows nothing else can ever come close to this if she says no. Mario is not a Prince and definitely not a King. There aren't many male royals out there to begin with...At least, those in her age range or even her same species.
Mallow, the Nimbus Prince and heir to the Nimbus Land crown. He is the biological son of Queen Nimbus and King Nimbus and the adoptive grandson of Frogfucius, the sagacious frog. He suffered from low self-esteem and was a bit of a crybaby at times in his early life, however as he journeyed, he built up his courage and proved himself to be a levelheaded when times were tough. He isn't especially strong physically and becomes very emotional at times; however, he has a strong command of magic, including the ability to heal. All of his special attacks are weather-based.
Prince Peasley is the beanish prince, as he is the son of Queen Bean, and hero of the Beanbean Kingdom. Although he is a heroic adventurer, he has a habit of flaunting both his hair and his smile. He is really friendly, cheerful, brave, and always up for a challenge, however, he does have a tendency to underestimate others. He is also highly narcissistic and his vanity can be very off-putting over long periods of time. But when push comes to shove he does whatever he can to help his friends.
Prince Pine is the prince of Jewelry Land and the son of King Fret, both of whom are human. He is a calm and collected youth, perfectly fine with tending to his Kingdom or it's people, whoever is in need really. Pine and his father keep watch over the twelve magical jewels that unite Jewelry Land. Disturbing these jewels would be devastating, literally splitting the kingdom in half by creating a Light Realm and a Dark Realm.
Prince Dreambert, the prince of the Pi'illo people. He is the heir to the throne of Pi'illo Castle of the Pi'illo Kingdom. He has an overall calm personality. However, he can get serious when the times is called for. He also has a strong sense of pride and is prone to great anger if mocked. But his dedication to the safety of his people is without question and when danger rears its ugly head, it is he that is first to head the call and stand to challenge the threat without fear or mercy.
King Sammer V, the leader of the Sammer Guys and relative of the 100 Sammer Guys. King Sammer V is the fifth King Sammer in existence and took over his great-great grandfather's role of ruling over the Sammer's Kingdom to guard the seventh Pure Hearts.
The Seven Human Kings that rule over various lands of the Mushroom World. They are the lesser monarchs of the various zones and have Toad helpers much like Peach does. There is the Grass Land King, Desert Land King, Water Land King, Giant Land King, Sky Land King, Ice Land King, and Pipe Land King
The less fancy royals are well known for being on the more despised outside of their own Kingdoms. Whomp King, the king of all the Whomps. He resides in Whomp's Fortress and as such is a member of the Koopa Troop. King Boo is the leader of the Boos and all other ghosts, ruler of the Paranormal Dimension. King Bob-omb, is the king of the Bob-ombs and takes pride in his royal status. Goomboss, also known as the Goomba King, rules over the Goombas or at least a good number of them, but his title was given to him by Bowser by use of the Star Rod, so it's anyone's guess of his legitimacy. And of course, King Bowser Koopa, lord of the Koopas and evil magical ruler of Dark Land.
Oh...But if only the stories her mother told her were true. She'd so choose to be with the gorgeous and perfect Prince Haru, the prince of an unknown land called Flower-koku. The stories would have her captivated and she dreamed of being his bride. In one of those stories, it was said that Prince Haru possessed a very special gemstone that was split into twin jewels. These treasured gems were said to be destined by fate to always reunite and their owners would end up being each other's one true love. Her mother would tell her that her brooch was one half of this fabled pair and that one day, the owner of the second identical gemstone will come to sweep her off her feet.
But...That day never came. And here she is now. Being proposed to by someone that she is in no way attracted to and not of the same race as herself. What is a Princess truly to do in moments like this?
"No."
The room hushes like death entered the area.
"Come again?"
"I said, no. I will not marry you."
Bowser frowns but that turns to scowl rather quickly.
"You say no like you believe you have the option of saying it."
"I do. Just because you've kidnapped me, doesn't mean I have to play along with this garbage."
A servant drops a plate in shock. The shattering porcelain fitting in well with how everyone feels.
"Peach...I ask that you hold your tongue."
"I most certainly will not. I am above you, you sniveling creature. You may have a title, land, and wealth, but you are not a King to me."
"My clan has ruled these lands before your ancestors ever dreamed of setting foot on this dirt. The way I see it, you are the one with the false title, Princess."
"How dare you!"
"And if you want to keep that crown of yours, you will say yes to me twice. Once here and once more at the altar of our marriage ceremony."
"Like hell I'd ever marry you! Look at you. You're pathetic! The day I marry you is the day Mario dies."
"That can be arranged."
She slaps him much harder than before and he drops the ring. Peach is now fuming in her fury.
"You are without any doubt, a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pocket-picking, thrice double-damned no-good son of a...!"
Peach doesn't get to finish her little rant. Her head slams into her plate of food and breaks.
"*hateful*I warned you. Touch him again..."
I pick up her dining knife and take aim while her frazzled eyes panic upon seeing me.
"And it will be the last thing you do!"
She screams as I bring the knife down, but it goes into the table instead of her like I wanted. The reason for this lack of dead Peach is thanks to Bowser, who at the last second got up and pushed my hand.
"That is enough, Lynsie. You defended your King. You did good. Now...Let go of the knife."
I want to. I want to stop shaking. But all I see while looking at her is that Empress that took everyone from me. I have to stop this nightmare. I can't let it happen again. I won't lose them. I won't lose them!
"Spitfire..."
He moves behind me and laces his hand in my own to make me let the weapon go.
"Thank you."
His hands and soft voice cease my shaking, but my hate is still begging to be allowed. I swallow a broken breathe and do my best to keep my eyes dry. I want her dead. I want to never suffer that nightmare again. But for his sake, my King, I opt to let out my feelings in a more controlled way after taking a breather.
"*calm* Well, excuse me, Princess. Can I get a witness? You're so obnoxious. I detest you, girl..."
The kids pick up on my little wordplay and roll with it while Pom Pom and Boom Boom re-restrain the Princess.
" You could've settled down with this. Maybe someday kiss this. Don't want you to notice me, honestly, totally. Gonna mind my business. Cause girl what is this? Never meant to bring you any type of love or show of interest. You mean nothing to me. Girl let's be, mutually, brutally. Nope with all this... "
The lights come on and they yank Peach from her chair.
"Argh...Unhand me, you coldblooded clods!"
"Peach..."
Bowser's voice is cold and hard as steel.
"You are the ugliest creature this world has ever known."
Her face goes red and she opens her mouth ready to scream all sorts of things, but I don't give her the chance as I stuff her face with napkins.
"I think you've said enough."
"*muffled anger*"
"I agree. You two, make sure she gets to her room. And I don't care how you do so either."
Hearing this, Peach thrashes in their hold to no avail. She might be strong in magic, but when it comes to physical strength, Peach lacks a lot of muscle. And that's something Koopas come with standard.
"Yo grunts..."
Roy approach followed by the other seven.
"Make sure she knows what it means to disrespect the Koopa Clan."
She spits the napkins out.
"Are you accusing me of Lèse-majesté?"
"Very much so."
"You're all fools! Mario will come and beat you all like he always does!"
Jr. makes a quick motion with his hands that go unnoticed by all except Kamek.
"You think Mario is able to beat me now? Heh...Woman, you have no idea what I'm capable of."
"Bowser!"
All eyes turn to look at the stage from where the Italian-accented voice came from. There on the stage, the man in red and hero to the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario stands proud like he's ready to do battle. Where the hell did he come from?
"Mario!"
Her joyous voice rings out with all the sweetness she's withheld from all of us.
"Bowser, this is a new low, even for you-a. Using a girl in your-a plan? A plan this maniacal, this cunning...this could only be the work of someone so wicked."
"Skip the flattery, small fry. It won't work here."
Bowser is unusually calm for being confronted with his enemy. Hell, even the kids are rather chill about all this too. Am I missing something? Because if I were them, I'd be attacking right now.
"You're-a not-a gonna get away with this, not as long as I'm around!"
"Funny you'd say that..."
Bowser snaps his fingers and in the blink of an eye, an anvil lands on top of Mario with a sickening thud. Peach, understandably, freaks out.
"You monster! You killed him!"
Bowser sneers.
"Of course I did. What did you think I was going to do? Invite him for tea and cake?"
"But you killed him!"
"Your point would be?"
I don't think I've ever heard Bowser sound so cold. But it does bring up a question...I heard the brothers were together on this mission, so where is Luigi? We can't be assured that we have victory as long as one brother is still alive.
"Oh no..."
A timider Italian-accented voice is heard and Luigi comes out to inspect the anvil. Either that is amazing timing or someone is reading my mind to make this shit happen.
"Ha! Luigi will save me! Luigi!"
Luigi looks over at us as Bowser snaps his fingers again and he is crushed the same as his brother was. Peach is paler than me at this point.
"And don't go thinking Wario or Waluigi will come next. They work for me and I pay them better than you can bribe them."
All hope fades from Peach. It's like when you get a new sponge and you can tell it's new, bright and full of life. And then after a really bad mess, you wring it out and it's about to fall apart dead in your hands. That's what she looks like to me. Like dried out frail sponge ready to be thrown away. Could this really be the same woman in my nightmare?
"Take her away. The wedding will go on as planned."
She doesn't put up any fight. They practically have to drag her away because she is too dead on her feet to make her own body move. She's broken. Her will is broken. Her hope is destroyed. She is an empty shell of her former self. Once she's gone, I feel okay with asking questions, but I don't get to.
"Okay, Doopliss. That was perfect."
I am made even more confused as Luigi slips out from under the anvil and transforms into this little Duplighost. Doopliss is, in his regular appearance, a Duplighost who wears a blue bow tie and a blue cone-shaped hat with red stars on it. He has red pupils in his black eyes and, while I don't know if this is true for all Duplighosts, Doopliss is most likely undead. I surmise this from his apparent lack of taking damage from being crushed by anvils.
"How do you like them skills? There isn't nobody out there that can do a better Mario impression than ME."
"That's why you were hired for this."
Kamek pays Doopliss with a sack of coins.
"Luigi wasn't supposed to have any lines. You're lucky your little improvisation didn't mess this up."
"Yuk yuk yuk! Now that's the MAGIC behind my amazing acting! I'm a dang genius on stage! But...Let's not mention how I was involved with this. I got a sweet career going and I don't want Flurrie upstaging me by hanging this over my head."
"Confidentiality is fine. You may go now."
"Alright. Later, Slick. Pleasure doing business."
Kamek escorts Doopliss out and I am so confused.
"Mama!"
Jr. glomps my legs.
"You were scary, Mama."
I frown and pick up the boy.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. Mama just...I lost control. I'm so sorry."
I hide my face my face in Jr.'s shoulder. My behavior this day has been all over the place. I'm ashamed of myself for the actions I did and yet part of me was upset I didn't get to finish her. This disgusts me. I feel Bowser's hand on my back for a moment before it hesitantly pulls away. This must be so hard on him. To have done all this, to put up with her, and now I'm adding to it with my own pitiful self yet he can't even help me as much as he wants to. He gave his word, he wasn't going to seek me out as long as Roy was trying. And Roy is trying. He's the one that whispers gentle words softly in my ear. He's the one planting small kisses on my shoulder. He's the one...with his hand in my back pocket and copping a sneaky feel of me. Okay, I'm over feeling down. I need to be normal to deal with this.
"There's no coin back there, Roy. So you can take your hand out, please."
Roy snickers until Jr. bops him for me.
"Knock it off, squirt!"
"Mama said stop. You listen to Mama."
"Thank you, dear. Now...Can someone explain to me just what happened here?"
"You first, Lynsie. It's not every day we see you attempt to stab Peach."
Great...Well...I guess I have some explaining to do.
[Meanwhile: Outside Castle Seven]
Dark Land is where the Mario Brothers wish they had popped up in when they took that Warp Pipe. But being able to get near the border isn't so bad. The mountainous Rock Zone borders the Koopa Kingdom like a craggy impregnable defensive wall. However, there are designated spots where the weak points in this wall were converted into ports of travel. But if one were to try to bypass these ports then those unlucky souls would be forever lost in the land's haunted forest. But one port is not to be taken by the faint of heart. It is the only one where there is no toll and provides the shortest road leading to the main path into the heart of the Kingdom. Yet there's a catch...
This port is filled with obstacles and traps, as well as being full of guards with the sole mission of keeping others from getting in. There are tons of Spikes, Fuzzies, Porcupuffers, Dai Gorō, Bony Beetles, Chain Chomps, Big Chain Chomps, Chain Chawfuls, Bob-ombs, Fire Bars, Grinders, and Sumo Bros. That's just the guards, all the guns are just extra overkill. Bullet Bills, Banzai Bills, Bombshell Bills, Gold Bullet Bills, Mad Bullet Bills, Sniper Bills, Torpedo Teds, Missile Bills, Bill Blasters, and King Bills. This port is Castle Seven and it is a beast of a fortress. Yet, here the Mario Brothers stand at the ready.
"Man...I hate this place."
"You-a just know Bowser's upgraded this."
"I'm gonna hate it more. I get it."
"Who do you-a think the boss will be?"
"Don't-a know and don't-a care. All we have to do is get through this one and then we kick serious Koopa shell."
"Yeah. We've been through a lot. No way this is worse than the last castle. I mean really...We lived after facing the Dragon Trio. Whatever's in this place can't compete with them."
"Let's get this over with before some random thing makes this a lot more annoying than it has to be."
The brothers enter the foreboding castle but they are far from unnoticed. Lakitu had followed them and now he had some very interesting information. This requires an immediate alert. It flies quickly over to one of the other ports to report his findings. Things were about to go from crazy to insanity real quick.
Shoutout to the group Big Bad Bosses (B3) and their song "Princess" for inspiring this scene. In case you're curious, B3 is a video game villain boy band featuring Bowser, Sephiroth, Ganondorf, and Robotnic. I highly recommend you give them a shot and you might even recognize who does their voices. Here's a link to their setlist. I hope you enjoy them and they might make a second album.
youtube playlist?list=PLx6GleNkyUhgS5XXXd_jekiWHVp4Bnq1D (there's a space because ffnet doesn't post links and it'll mess up otherwise)
Just in case there is still some questions to my logic, I'll help clear up a few things. Using the Official Nintendo chart (google super mario bros size chart and it's the first image you see) we can see how tall a lot of them are, though I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, plus Mario and Luigi. Now the Nintendo-approved statue poster claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8"). Now for the even harder part, character ages. When it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game. I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.