Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 5

Severus apparated from Hogwarts, back into his yard at Spinners End. He pulled off his robes in the few short steps it took him to reach the back door, pulling the door open and throwing his robes on the back of a kitchen chair as he almost ran to the front window of the sitting room. Pulling the curtain back, he saw two cars in front of the house across the way. Double-checking that his wand was well hidden he hurried across the road to see her.

As he was sprinted up the pavement, he watched Hannah struggle down her steps with a too heavy box. Stepping up he took it from her, raising his eyebrow at her expression of surprise.

"Severus, I was not expecting you back." She looked up at him flushing. "You left before I woke."

"Is this a bad time?" He looked behind her to ascertain who was with her.

"No, stay," she said and smiled. "Some ladies from the relief kitchen came by. The have a family that needs odds and end, and since I only have odds and ends it seems to save me the bother of hauling most of this junk away."

"I want to see you tonight," he said with a sharp edge to his voice. "Not like last night, I just need to see you, to talk to you."

"What is wrong Severus, you look a fright." She walked over to the larger of the two cars and opened the boot.

He placed the box in the car then turned, grabbing her arms, pulling her to him.

"Hannah, I can not tell you everything, I just need you tonight." He sighed knowing how this mustsound. "Not like that Hannah, I do not want you just for that, I need just to have someone near."

"Severus?" She brought her hand to his eyes and used the pad on her thumb to wipe off a tear that still lingered. "Severus? Yes, as soon as I am done here I can come over."

He nodded and stepped back, his heart was racing in fear that she would change her mind, his chest sore from his attempts to breath evenly.

"All I have is pickles," he blurted out then turned red. With everything, he could have said this is what fell out. "And tea, I think I have tea, and milk."

"From the smell of you last night I think you can add whiskey to that list." She paused, hesitated slightly then looked him directly in the eyes. "No whiskey tonight, okay?"

"No, no whiskey tonight." He turned on his heel, and went home burning with her reprimand. . He stood over the kitchen sink and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. His head felt like he would explode soon. He needed her now. He needed to touch someone and not be alone.

She watched him hurry away from her and remembered the last time he had ran from her. That one night had defined her life, and he had forgotten it, and her. She had always had the adolescent hope that he would return. The hope that one day his long legged gait would find its way across the road and up to her door.

She had held onto that hope when she first noticed a flicker of light in his upstairs window. She had held onto that hope when she had found her courage to walk across the road and knock on his door, and had lost that hope when he looked down at her and did not remember her. He did not remember as he came to her bed. He did not remember her even as he begged her now to come to him.

Hannah started back into her mother's house, full of memories, determined to be the one to leave this time. She made her plans to leave Spinners End and him this time. She would do the last thing that he asked, and then she would go.

Severus paced from the kitchen to the sitting room and back to the kitchen again. He angrily pushed the door open with a crash and went outside, looking around, searching for something he could not find, and did not know what it was. A noise filled his ears, like a giant seashell held too long at his ear, it crashed around him in waves, with a sound so loud he could feel it.

He felt as if heavy chains bound him to the earth, and he could not make it back inside. He slid down to the ground and covered his ears wanting the noise to end.

When Hannah knocked on the door and he did not answer, she let herself in. Her hand automatically reached for the switch only to hear the soft click as nothing happened. She thought his electricity cut off, common in Spinners End, and hearing a sound she walked toward it. Then, she saw him through the open kitchen door.

Severus had fallen to his knees and wrapped his arms around his head, leaning himself forward as if in supplication. She found him trembling, with great shudders coming over him. Running, she went to him and went down on her knees in front of him, pulling up his head to look at him.

"My God Severus, what is it?" Her voice echoed her fear. "Severus, look at me, you are scaring me. Please?"

He looked up and reached for her, pulling her into him, holding her so tightly she found it hard to breathe.

"I don't know," he choked, "I don't know what I feel. I want this to stop."

"Severus?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. "You can tell me, I will listen."

"I can not." He fought to control himself. "I can not tell you. You would not understand."

"Well." She sat on the ground with him. "I will sit right here until you tell me, then I will tell you if I understand or not. If I don't understand you can explain it."

"No." He struggled to stand, until he could sneer down at her. "Get up, you look like a fool."

She hastily got up on her feet to run into the house to get away from the sudden anger she had seen flash behind his eyes. As she tried to pass him, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. leering down at her, and raking his eyes over her body.

"I will show you what your kind is good for." He pushed her up to the outside wall of the house, and pressing his lips to hers, he wedged one leg between hers and pushed into her, pinning her to the wall.

"Feel me witch," he chuckled into her ear. "Is this what you want? Is this why you are here? I can make you scream, I can make you call out my name."

He crushed her lips once more and kissed her eyes. He tasted her tears and finally heard her sobs and froze. He pulled back looking at her in horror, stepped back and shook his head.

"My Merlin, Hannah," he whispered when he saw her ripped blouse, and exposed bra. "Hannah, my Gods Hannah. I didn't know what I…"

He pulled out his wand without thinking and flicked it at her, softly casting the spell to repair her clothing and then turned away.

"You should not trust me further," he said stiffly. "Leave me. Leave me before I hurt you."

"What did you just do?" She looked down at her clothing and up to him, at the same time she edged toward the door.

"I wanted to rape you," he sneered turning furiously at her. "Are you that much of a fool? Are you that accustomed to this kind of treatment that you have grown to enjoy it? Can you only feel pain? Is that why you choose the men you do?"

"Perhaps." She moved closer to the open door. "Perhaps that is the truth of it. It's all I've known."

She turned to leave as he ran to her, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

"Please, just stay," he whispered into her hair. "I need to make it though this night. I will not hurt you."

"Severus, you scare me." She pulled away from him. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Family?" she asked. "A friend?"

"No one." He turned and walked away.

"Severus, that thing you did to my clothes, and my lip yesterday." She hesitated seeing how quickly he turned to her.

"Forget about that," he snapped, angry once again.

"This has something to do with your owl," she stated flatly. "I don't know how, but I think it does."

"Hannah don't. There are things I can not say," he said looking around for something he could not find.

"The owls, my lip and clothes, and what ever is wrong with you," she paused. "These things all fit together?"

"Yes, let it go." He walked up and stood close to her, afraid to reach out for fear of hurting her. He wanted to take her so badly he was the one that hurt.

"See that door through there?" She lifted her arm and pointed to the kitchen and the door beyond. "Well Mr Snape, I am going to walk out of that door and leave you here if you don't come to the quick."

"I can't do this." He put his right hand in his pocket and felt comforted with the feel of his wand.

"Severus, stop." She crossed to him and bravely rested her hand on his arm. "What ever it is, this is killing you."

He threw his head back and laughed at her and then grabbing her arms, he shook her.

"Let me tell you a fairy tale, a bedtime story to scare the children. It's a story about a poor young maiden and a Wizard who kills her," he ginned. "Or, should I just show you how a Wizard fucks a maiden and snaps her neck?"

He pushed her away, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

"You are no maiden. Will that change the ending?" He madly laughed again. "It must, I know because this will have no happy ending."

"You see Hannah; there are things in this world you can not imagine. I know strange and wonderful things that would delight and amaze you." He drew out his wand and created a shower of multi colour sparks to fall from the sky. Turned toward the house and commanded a loud "Lumos," lighting every candle in the house.

"You see my dear; there are also things that would freeze your young blood." He turned her stunned face to his by placing two fingers under her chin. "I have power. The Headmaster has told me that I stole it, I think he means for me to give it back. Perhaps he means to steal it."

He leaned down to take her mouth with his and taste her, but tasted only salt and Spinners End. Severus held her gently, stroked her back, and asked her to stay. He laid his head into her neck, held her as tenderly as he knew how, and pleaded for her not to run.

That night until the sun came up they sat on the sitting room floor as he talked and raved. When he had finally slipped to sleep, she carefully shifted his head from her lap to the floor. Quietly she found a quill and a piece parchment in the drawer as he said she would. She looked at it strangely; she had never used a quill. The finished note looked splattered and old. Folding it too roughly, she had creased and torn it.

She saw a ball of sting in the drawer next to the parchment and walking in to the yard she clicked her tongue and watched as the owl woke and flew to her.

"Okay bird." She grinned to see the bird come to her. "I don't know how to do this so if I get this too tight just flap or something."

Once she had the missive tied on the owl's leg, she stood back and smiled.

"Okay, off with you," she said flapping her own arms as if to show the owl what she wanted.

The owl looked at her, and tilted its head to the side.

"Okay bird, now listen. I don't know how to do this, just go get someone." She put her hands on her hips as the bird looked at her and only hooted.

"I am sorry I don't understand you either," she bit her lip. "The only person he mentioned, not really his name but his title, is a Headmaster. Can you take this to a Headmaster, only I don't know where?"

The owl rewarded Hannah with a soft hoot. It lowered its head, spread its great wings and flew off to the north. She watched it until it was out of sight remembering how she had watched these birds in her childhood. Things began falling into place.

She remembered his father running over a bike, and the next day presenting it to the neighbour in near perfect condition. She remembered the flowers that would bloom over night, only in the yard at the corner. Most of all, she still remembered the day at the seaside, that he did not. He had joked and said she would be warm enough, when she complained she had forgotten her jumper. She had not felt the wind, no matter how fast the cart fell, and no matter how dark it grew.

Returning to sit on the floor by Severus, she reached over and covered him with a blanket she had taken from his bed. She knew she could not help him. She hoped the man he kept talking about could.

Severus did not wake when Albus walked into his kitchen. Hannah had heard a noise and looked to see a man with a long white beard, dressed in long flowing dress, pressing a finger to his lips. She looked back at Severus as she stood up and walked to join him.

"Are you his headmaster?" she asked in a whisper. Seeing his nod she crooked her finger at him and led him back outside, shutting the door behind him

"I didn't know what to do." She looked him up and down. "I take it you are a Wizard, like what he was saying?"

"Ah, so I see he has told you about his life." Albus nodded at her.

"Yes and no. I don't think he meant to, and he is talking all jumbled and not together." She worried her lip.

"Lister Mr…" She paused and looked him over. "What do I call you?"

"You may call me Headmaster, or Albus," he replied sternly.

"We grew up together, me and Severus. I knew he was home for a while now. Two days ago, I got the nerve up to come over here. He seemed right fine at first."

Albus saw the colour come up her cheeks and knew this was the one Severus had mentioned.

"Then today he went out, he wasn't gone too long." She looked up at him close to tears. "When he came back something had happened. He was happy at first but kind of … Listen Headmaster, I don't know how to put this."

"He was needy?" Albus offered knowing how Severus had left, and how he must have returned.

"Yes," She smiled and coloured even more. "When he came back he was needy. Then he changed and tried to hurt me, and then he would cry and turn nice again. Something is wrong with him. He really needs help. He told me he has done horrid things. I can't say I believe it all, but he does. You need to help him."

"He has not asked for help." Albus crossed his arms. "I take it you sent the owl?"

"You Bastard," she seethed. "He lays in there like a wreck and you expect him to ask you? He is laying in there because he never asked for anything. I don't think he knows how. I knew him when we were kids, and no matter how bad things got he never asked for anything."

"You know nothing of this," Albus frowned at this cheeky Muggle.

"Men," she spat. "Is that why you people never helped his mother? He said you could have taken her away."

"She chose this life." Albus looked at her firmly.

"Chose? She chose to the beaten? She chose?" Hannah walked up and pointed to his chest, and thumped her finger on him as she spoke. "Listen here Mister-Head-of-I-Don't-Give-a-Bloody-Hell-Who-You-Are. No woman asks to be beaten. They let men get away with it because for some reason they think it will buy them love. I am an expert at this."

"You great over stuffed baboon." She then flung her hand and pointed to the house. "Do you think he is laying there feeling any different? Do you not think his mother taught him well?"

"I am not saying he should not pay for what he has done. He said there was a woman, a young girl really, and he…" She looked up at Albus tearfully. "He said what he did and he ran out here and vomited. I guess he must have really done it."

"He has done many things that may never be forgiven," Albus told her seriously. Then reached in his robes and pulled out his wand.

"This is where you take my memories?" she asked stepping back from him. "He told me about this part. He said that if I was still here he would do it to me in the morning."

Albus hesitated as he studied the woman in front of him. He wondered how much she truly knew.

"You are no better than he is." She reached up to slap him only to have her hand caught in a vice like grip.

"He means that much to you?" Albus looked at her sternly as he held her wrist.

"I don't know, I guess. Yes, maybe he does," she managed to admit. "Listen Headmaster, I am leaving here. I am going to live with my Da, just outside Dublin. I leave tonight. I would never tell anyone, and you could tell him where I am later. I don't even think he cares."Albus lowered his wand looking intently at the small Muggle woman who would defy him and argue for Severus. He had known Severus since he was a First Year and knew no one who would fight for him. Narcissa would wait and wipe the blood away, but never would she fight for him.

"Leave now," he said slowly, "before he wakes. I will make sure he gets what he needs."

"Promise?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "You will not hurt him?"

"No child, no more than he has hurt himself." Albus finally smiled at her, seeing her innocence to their world. "You must leave."

"I have no choice." She put her hands to her hair as if to tidy herself. "You will tell him to find me, when he is better I mean?"

"Yes, when he is better," Albus nodded in agreement.

Hannah slipped back through the house. Kneeling down she kissed Severus forehead, and with one backward look at Albus, she left.