Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 7

Albus chuckled at Minerva's Patronus as it slithered in between the cracks of the door, then stretched out its paws and looked at him as if to tell him to leave the door open next time. He listened to the short clipped message, spoken in Minerva's stern voice and could only shake his head. He had expected as much from the witch.

Albus had watched for years as she spread her arms and gathered all the misfit children to her. All the children loved Minerva as a teacher and mentor after they were used her stern ways. However, it was the misfits, the children not wanted elsewhere she held to her heart tightly and fiercely protected. These children would lay down their lives for her and in later years pledge them selves to the Order to fight beside her.

She was beside herself when Severus had turned from her. She saw it a failure on her part. Perhaps he believed he meant less too her than the other. He thought she had made a choice, and he was not the one chosen.

She had not known what course to take, had not known how to divide herself in two then he had ran to her demanding she take action where Albus would not.

"Severus, he will not be expelled from this school, the Headmaster agrees." Minerva stood firmly in front of the boy, forced to look up at him due to the height he had gained in the past year.

"He almost killed me." The young boy stormed at her.

"It was a mistake, a grievous mistake," she said. "If Mr Lupin is removed from this school no other will take him. It is only by grace that he has made it this far."

"You would rather have that thing here than me," he spat out angrily.

"Mr Snape, control your self, " she snapped. "He has no future at all if he leaves here now. His life will be very hard as it is . At least we can ensure that he has the necessary skills he will need to survive in this world."

"It is always the same." Severus had glared at her. "No matter how hard I try, no matter how high my grades I will never be good enough. I am always the one left out."

"As it will be until you can see the needs in others." She looked down her nose at him. "When you have calmed down we will discus this reasonably."

The discussion had never come. He had refused to talk to her, and in the process of winning the battle over Remus, she had lost the war with Severus.

Albus sighed deeply looking at Severus still asleep on the floor, as the silvery tabby disappeared under the door. He had received many second chances himself, and guilt over many deaths that he had seen still woke him at night. Even in the daylight he would often get lost in the memory of Ariana's gentle ways and how she was changed by an act of violence. He thought of her, and of how she had accidentally killed their mother as he watched Severus sleep.

Perhaps Minerva was right in reaching out to the boy. Perhaps he should give the young man a second chance, and a time to heal that his little sister never had.

Albus nudged the sleeping form with his foot. He scowled suddenly not knowing if he was dealing with a boy or a man. Severus had the years and height of a full-grown wizard, but perhaps Minerva was right that his mind and soul still carried his childhood too close to the surface. Again, he nudged, and waited.

Severus felt the first nudge and the chains pulling the cart up the track snapped. He was falling down, out of control. The second nudge snapped his eyes open and brought him to his feet, his hand reaching to purchase his wand. As he leapt to his feet and pointed his wand, he saw Albus and put a sneer on his face.

Hannah was gone, in her place stood the fool. Severus nervously licked his lips and looked down to where she should lay.

"Where is she?" Severus stood still and tried to clear his thoughts from his sleep fogged brain.

"She has gone," Albus said carefully.

"What did you tell her?" Severus cast a glance at the window. He tried to see through the curtains and across the way.

"I believe from her missive, delivered by owl, you did all the talking," Albus said evenly.

"I want her back," Severus spat walking backwards to the window with his wand pointed at Albus.

"Why are you here old man?" Severus looked around quickly to see that it was just the two of them.

"I have come on behalf of Minerva." Albus realized he had perhaps made an ill choice of words. "I believe, as apparently does Molly Weasley, that you be given a second chance in our world."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the mention of Molly Weasley.

"You mean that Prewett witch? The one with all those red headed brats?" He looked to the window again.

"Do not disrespect her Mr Snape," Albus growled at him. "It is because of her and Minerva that I make this offer. It is up to you to accept."

"Accept what? Scraps from your table?" Severus backed up again. He felt trapped, and wanted to hex the old man in front of him.

"I will expect you tomorrow morning." Albus shook his head. "That is if you can stay sober long enough to clean up."

"You are in my home now," Severus stormed at him. "You will treat me with respect."

"Fine, than stay here." Headmaster Dumbledore's eyes were cold. "If I do not see you in my office tomorrow morning we are done."

Albus raised his hands over his head and clapped, then disappeared in a shower of light and cold flames.

"Fucking show off," Severus muttered walked over and grabbed a half-full bottle of whiskey.

He swallowed a mouth full and felt his stomach loosen and the tense knots ease. He walked to the window once more to pull back the curtain. She was on the pavement, just opening the door to a taxi.

He ran in bare feet, his shirttails loose and flying up behind him and reached her just as she turned to close the door.

"Hannah," he said reaching into the taxi and grabbing her arm. "Please, were you not going to even say goodbye?"

"Severus, I have to go. My plane leaves in two hours and I still have a drive to the airport." She looked up at him.

He pulled on her arm and she stepped out, allowing him to hold her in a hug.

"Hannah, I don't want you to go," he said sincerely.

"Ah now Severus," she chided him. "I don't think you really need me. The Headmaster said he was going to help you. He promised."

"You spoke to him?" Severus pulled her back from him enough to see her face.

"Yes," she smiled. "I have to go. Perhaps one day we will meet again."

"Perhaps," he said stepping back confused. "Hannah, I don't know what to say to you."

"Severus?" She said reddening. "I did enjoy being with you."

He did not answer but held the door for her until she was once again inside. Then slamming the door he stood back and watched her drive away.

.

.Hannah kept her head facing forward, refusing to give in to the temptation to watch him grow smaller in the rear window. She had only come to clean out her mother's house, and that was all she had done. She had not rekindled any type of hope, or met a childhood memory. She looked at her watch and settled back for the long ride.

That night Severus dreamed that it was Hannah sitting next to him in the cart, pulled up higher and tighter.

The gears groaned and became her moans, her face in ecstasy as he plunged into her and the cart fell down. Lily held one of the babes in her arms, the other still laid on the ground, then turning he saw Narcissa dressed in white, blood covering the front of the gown, and Minerva and Molly turned their backs to him and walked over the horizon.

He sat up gasping for air and jumped out of bed. He ran downstairs and into the back yard not knowing where or why he was running. Once there he stood and looked up. A soft misty rain was falling and he found the cold frosty wetness on his face somehow calming.

"Headmaster," he said aloud, and returned to shower and prepare for the day.

Severus began a slow methodical cleansing of the house in the darkness of the morning. He planned never to return. He did not think of what the Headmaster wanted to talk with him, or of the fact that he had no place else to go. He just knew he could no longer hide in this place, too many memories watched him.

First, he completely emptied his bedroom-lab. He stood in the door holding his wand loosely in his hand, and ridded himself of all trace of his childhood and the memories of the boy hiding in the closet tying to muffle his mothers cries. Walking a few steps down to the other bedroom, which had been his parents, every thing there disappeared as well. He looked at the now bare walls with their chipped and cracking plaster, and did not feel even the slightest remorse or the smallest loss.

In the living room, he left the sofa, one chair and the desk. Stopping at the kitchen door he turned back and rid the house of that as well. Walking through the kitchen, the boxes and crates disappeared leaving only a broken bowl in the sink to remind Spinners End of him.

Severus knew he would never be back, he would end this today. He did not know how this would end, or how he wanted it to end, he just knew it would. He poured water on his herbs, plucking off the dead leaves, and trying to cluster the pots closer to the centre of the garden looking up to find the shaft of light. He finally sat back on his heels pleased that they may live for someone else.

He would find Hannah, he thought. She would still want to see him. He would not hurt her, or scare her again. He wanted to hold her hand, hear her voice, and take her with him.

Severus sighed, knowing he would not even try. It was a dream that he could only have when he was awake and could hold back the memories of his other life. Sitting on his heels and looked at his tiny herb garden, and thought, perhaps this was enough to leave at Spinners End. Then, he stood, and taking his wand, vanished the pots as well.

Holding his breath as the first rays of sun shown over the horizon he stood, and spun off to Hogwarts to see the old man.

He found himself again trudging up the hill and looking up at the turrets. He wanted to run back, and he wanted to run to his old common room. He wanted Narcissa to put a cold wet cloth on his head and tell him every thing would be all right again. He knew it would never be all right again.

He closed his eyes to steady his nerves only to see Lily smile sadly at him and hold a baby in her arms. He started to run. He could not gather his nerve and enter the castle. He turned from the path and headed down to the lake instead, he could hide in the tall grass. He would be hidden.

He sat with his back to the castle, and his knees drawn up to his chest. Wrapping his long arms around his legs, he rested his head on his knees. He so badly wanted to sleep, but she was on his eyelids again.

She started to talk to him, and peek around the stalks of green. He ran his hand through his hair. He wanted to rid himself of her, as much as he wanted to hold her close. He felt he had lost his mind.

"Severus," he heard his name and waved his hand to brush of the ghost of a whisper.

"Severus my lad." He heard. "The Headmaster is waiting."

His head jerked up to see Minerva in her dark green robes standing with her hand on her hips.

"Go away." He turned back to the lake. "I think it is too late."

"It is never too late my boy," she chided resting a hand on his shoulder. "Nor is it too late for me to apologize to a student I once had. A student I did not stand up for."

He turned and looked at her frowning.

"I should have disciplined Mr Lupin severely for breaking the rules," she said honestly. "I should have defended you more."

"Why didn't you?" The little boy needed to know.

"I felt you were the strong one." She looked surprised that he would sound so hurt after all these years. She had expected curiosity, but not this pain.

"I thought that since you knew me longer and better, your trust of me would have been stronger." She said sadly. "I am sorry Severus, for letting you down."

He stood up and nodded at her. Brushed of his robes and then formally bowed, offered her his elbow and hearing Lily's giggle behind him he started up to the castle.

"Headmaster," he said upon entering the office.

"Mr Snape." The Headmaster indicated he should sit with a wave of his hand.

"Master Snape." Severus raised his chin. "I have earned the title. I expect it to be used."

"Forgive me Master Snape, you are quiet correct." Albus again indicated the chair. "A rather heady accomplishment for one so young."

"My age does not override the necessity of proper regard." Severus sat stiffly in the chair indicated.

"Indeed Master Snape it does not." Albus saw Minerva's look, a look that would strike fear in a younger

Wizard. "You have my complete esteem in this matter. I am indeed honoured to call you a former student."

"Master Snape, before we begin I will ask you to take this." Albus handed Severus a vial of potion. "It is a simple mixture that I had made up for this occasion. It is quite harmless I assure you."

Severus took the vial not recognizing the colour, and opening the small rounded vial, passed it quickly under his nose. Raising one eyebrow, he looked at Albus strangely.

"Yes Master Snape, I thought perhaps you would recognize the smell." Albus sat and looked directly at Severus. "You see, I added an extra ward to my door this morning. If you had been again drunk it would not have allowed you to enter."

Severus stood up at once angered, and then feeling Minerva's tug on his arm sat back down.

"The potion is indeed part calming potion. However, not knowing fully if your shaking hands are a result of nerves or too much alcohol I have decided to take no chances." Albus nodded to the vial. "St Mungos has great use of that after administering a sober up potion or in cases such as your own."

"I have no need of this, this…" He searched for words.

"Abomination?" Albus supplied. "Then it will have no effect on you what so ever. Do drink up Master Snape. I have ordered tea delivered shortly. I hear that potion has a particularly bad taste."