Chapter 21

The return to school for Troy and Ryan came soon enough, Troy said goodbye to Chad with a heavy heart, he knew that the likely hood being he wouldn't see his friend alive and as healthy again. It took all of an hour for the friends to say good bye before Troy and Ryan drove back to Cambridge. Ryan daren't say anything to Troy, who had insisted that he would drive them, he thought he knew that Troy was hurting and or that he knew he had said goodbye to his friend it was the half way point in the journey back to college that Ryan broke the silence.

"Troy baby are you okay?" Ryan asked Troy looked over at his husband and smiled.

"I wasn't but I am now." Troy said to him taking his hand of the steering wheel he stroked his husbands hand. "You didn't have to stay quiet I could have talked to you baby, I just needed some time to think as well." Troy said as his hand returned to the steering wheel.

"You thinking about Chad?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah hard not to." Troy said Ryan nodded his head. "I keep trying to work things through with the priest at the chapel on campus but I can't make sense of any of it." Troy said to his boyfriend who nodded his understanding. "Religion can only get us so far, I can't tell you how sick I am of turning the other cheek as people I care about are taken from my life." Troy said Ryan stared he knew his husband was a religious man and knew that his faith was important to him. "I can't help but think that the last two weeks were the last good memories I'll have with him." Troy added Ryan slipped his hand onto Troy's leg squeezing lightly what shocked Ryan was that he could see the tears working their way down his husbands cheeks Troy wiped furiously to get rid of them.

"You want me to drive you've been driving all day." Ryan said Troy nodded as they looked for a station for Ryan to change places at, it was another hour before Troy was able to pull the car into swap over Troy stood at the drivers side and pulled his husband into his arms kissing him softly but insistently. "Troy don't destroy your focus baby, he would want us and does want us to get distracted by this." Ryan said to him Troy nodded his head with a grin on his face.

"I know trust me I know." Troy said as he walked round the other side of the car. "You don't mind if I go to sleep do you?" Troy asked him Ryan shook his head, he had been sleeping for the last few hours so that they could change over when Troy needed to sleep.

"You been driving since we left." Ryan said to him Troy nodded as he climbed back into the car and buckled in.

Hsmhsmhsm

They were back at the house the next evening, Troy and Ryan pulled in about an hour before Chuckie and Nick did, they were sitting down to food as the other two walked into the house, Nick laughed at the site of the pizza which was what they had in mind when they were talking in Chuckie's car on the way back from Albuquerque.

"Chuckie text me to order food it arrived about ten minutes before you guys did." Ryan said to Nick who glared playfully and Chuckie laughed at the two of them. "Married life means we don't lie for anyone but ourselves." Ryan said Troy laughed at this.

"I just wanted to say I am sorry about Chad." Nick said to them.

"Thanks." Troy said to him the man nodded. "Can we eat without bringing up Chad please." he said clearly it was still a sore subject for Troy and Ryan not to mention Chuckie.

Hsmhsmhsm

It was February when Troy got a call while in a lecture, "Come home its time." those four words were enough for him to know that he needed to hurry out of the room Troy stood his lecturer stared.

"I have to get home." Troy said to him the man stared. "A friend is dying I promised I would be there." Troy added the man nodded as he collected his bag from between his legs. Troy met Chuckie and Ryan in the hall out side his lecture hall as the three of them were walking out of the university Troy hadn't said a word to either of them as he walked out of the university Ryan took his keys of him. He could see his husband was in no fit state to drive at the moment his eyes looked devoid of life as they drove in silence most of the way home to Albuquerque.

When they pulled up to the drive of his house a day later Jack and Sarah were waiting for them.

"His still with us, though his not expected to last the day." Jack said to his son as he guided him into the house.

"He hasn't spoken since we left." Ryan said to Sarah who nodded they grabbed a few things before they drove to the Danforth house.

"He wanted to die at home." Sarah said to them Troy nodded his head still to numb to say anything to anyone they walked down the hall to Chad's bedroom with out a word. "Sarah, Troy his inside." Chad's mom said to him Troy nodded opening the door he found Chad sleeping on the bed Mikey sitting on it stroking his hair. "You're here." Mikey said to him as he crossed the room to hug Troy who hugged him back breaking down in his arms.

He looked at his best friend laying on the bed.

"Its just a matter of time." Mikey said sadly as Troy held him they walked back to the bed.

"Hey Chad its me." Troy said to him with a grin on his face as he took his hand. "You can rest easy mate." Troy said to his best friend. "We were meant to do so many things together Chad." Troy said as he drew his friend into his arms Mikey had taken his hand. "You were meant to live forever you damn fool." Troy said Mikey laughed at this the warning beep on his friends machines told them that it was time. "I love you Chad its okay you can go." Troy said to his friend quietly as he placed a kiss on the boys warm lips Mikey and Troy felt the shudder and the exhaling of breath from their friend and husband in Mikey's case but there was no movement after that and the machine wailed in alarm Troy turned to turn it of after he laid his best friend back on the bed he took Mikey's crying form into his arms and hugged him his own tears soaking Mikey's t-shirt as much as Troy's jumper was soaked through very quickly.

"Troy." Mrs. Danforth opened the door. "His gone?" she asked Troy nodded as Ryan pulled the shuddering woman into his arms.

"I don't know what I am going to do without him." Mikey said to Troy as he pulled back.

"You do what he would have wanted you to do." Troy said Mikey nodded. "We lost people we love." Troy said. "And came back from the brink with that." Troy said to him Mikey closed his eyes as a sob escaped his lips Troy looked at Ryan as he drew Mikey back into his arms Ryan nodded his head knowing that Troy was helping the one person who needed help as much as the woman who was being held by himself.

"What am I going to do now?" he asked.

"You can stay here with me as long as you like." Mrs. Danforth said to him. "Finish your education and be close to Chad." she added Mikey smiled as he pulled away from Troy walking over to his mother in law Ryan walked to the now standing Troy who crumbled into his husbands arms it took a long time for him to calm down.

"He declined very quickly." Ryan said to Troy.

"Like that matters." Troy said to him. "He shouldn't be dead at all." Troy said then brushed past his husband and out of site Ryan went to go after him.

"Give him some space for a few minutes then go after him." Sarah said to her son in law who ignored it and went after him anyway, Ryan found Troy sitting with his feet dangling out over the tree houses ledge.

"Please just leave me alone Ryan." Troy said as he climbed up the steps wondering how Troy had managed to get up her on his own.

"How about no." Ryan said as he managed to get up into the tree house he walked over to him and sat down next to his husband wrapping his arm around Troy's shoulder. "What is it with you two and tree houses?" Ryan asked Troy laughed.

"We built one in each house when I first moved here." Troy said to him. "Chad and I would spend hours in these things you know." he said to Ryan who nodded. "Mine was the pirate ship, his used to be the space ship." Troy said to him. "We had a lot of happy memories up in these trees." Troy said closing his eyes lost in his own memories and grief Ryan had known this day would come, he thought that he was prepared for that moment but now it had come he was seriously shocked at how little he could have prepared himself for this moment.

"Great place to hide out." Ryan said Troy laughed.

"I thought I'd cried my last when Matt died." Troy whispered Ryan shook his head sadly. "This never gets any easier, first Zeke now Chad." Troy said he wasn't really talking to Ryan who just held his husband two months was all they got two lousy months what was right in the world when that was all you got with the people you loved. "How's Mikey?" Troy asked him.

"I didn't stay I chased you out here." Ryan said to him. "Your mom was trying to get me to leave you some space." Ryan said to him Troy snorted.

"Not bloody likely." Troy muttered Ryan chuckled. "I can't get you to leave me alone in the shower." Troy said laughing as he sat up looking up at the bright blue sky. "We should go back in there, people will be arriving soon to do what they do." Troy said Ryan stared at him. "His mom isn't going to want to deal with them so someone should." Troy said as he stood up and headed back down the ladder that lead back to the garden below.

"Troy you shouldn't have to do this." Ryan said Troy looked at him incredulously.

"I want to do it Ryan." Troy said to him Ryan stared. "If any one can understand what the two of them are going through even slightly its me, and if I can make this easier for them you better believe I will." Troy said to him as he continued to walk down the path back to the house he could still here crying up stairs his dad was in the kitchen.

"Everyone is on their way his dad should be here soon." Jack said Troy rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Did he even want him here?" Troy asked his dad who shrugged as the door bell went Troy walked past him into the hall to where the door was opening it he found himself with an armful of Sharpay and Jason standing just behind her looking up the stairs. "They haven't come yet, his still upstairs your about an hour to late." Troy said to him Jason heaved a huge sigh tears rolling down his cheeks as Troy pulled away from the blond he pulled Jason to him and held his friend. "It was over not long after I got here, his at peace now." Troy said offering what little comfort he could to his friend. "He wasn't awake, trust me when I say you didn't want to see him like that." Troy said Jason stiffened but he felt the nod.

"Does the pain go away ever?" Jason asked.

"No but its not meant to." Troy said to him Jason smiled. "The pain is there to remind us of what we lost." Troy said. "Go see him, his tube free and I know Mikey and his mom will want to see you both." Troy said to his friends as he went back into the kitchen.

"How you feeling?" Ryan asked. "I'm sorry I shouted at you." Ryan said Troy cupped his face with his hand.

"Its fine Ryan, you meant well." Troy said Ryan smiled and Troy kissed him. "Jason and Sharpay just arrived." Troy said as Ryan left the room to see his sister.

"I do hope that one of those coffee's is for me." Troy said to his dad who laughed pointing at a cup Troy grabbed it taking a swig of the drink. "Do we know when the private ambulance is going to be here to pick him up or when the police are going to arrive?" Troy asked him.

"They called a little while ago to say it wouldn't be long." Jack said as the door bell went again Troy walked out with his cup in hand to open the door it was the police and funeral home people.

"Someone called about a death?" the police asked.

"Yes his up stairs, he was expected." Troy said the man nodded. "Follow me, I'll show you up stairs." Troy said to them the people nodded. "Can you give me a couple of minutes I'd like to tell them in private that you're here." Troy said at the door the men nodded as he slipped into the room Mikey and his mom were still sitting on the bed Troy walked over stroking the hair out of Chad's face.

"Troy are you okay?" his mom asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, the police are outside and the funeral home people are outside. Your not going to find what happens next much fun but it needs to be done." Troy said to her she nodded as he sat down next to Chad's head. "Their going to take good care of you buddy, and me and Ryan Sharpay and Jason and are going to take good care of your mom and Mikey this week." Troy said to his friend Ryan laid a hand on his shoulder Troy closed his eyes saying a silent pray to anyone who was listening before leaning down to kiss his temple again his tears falling freely into the boys face and hair Troy sat up looking back at his friends and the people that had come into the room Troy grasped his friends cold hand before he stood and got out of the way.

"We are sorry for your loss." one of the funeral home people said to Troy taking in his ring.

"Not me Mikey is his husband." Troy said pointing out Mikey who smiled Troy smiled back at him as the men turned their attention to Chad's family Troy motioned for the rest of them to give the family some space. "We'll be down stairs if you need anything." Troy said to Chad's mom who thanked him. "His in a better place now probably discussing basketball with my twin and forming a plan to kick my ass when I get up their at it." Troy said she chuckled at this Troy hugged her before Mikey and left the room lost to the world.

"We need to start planning." Ryan said to him.

"Make calls to his friends, Gabriella and Taylor will both want to be at the funeral." Troy said to his husband who nodded as they both took out their phones and started dialling numbers. "Jason contact the rest of the team would you I highly doubt this is going to be a short conversation." Troy said to his friend who nodded. "I'm calling Gabriella." Troy said to Ryan who nodded his head.

Hsmhsmhsm

A few days later Gabriella was walking into Troy's parents house, she had a sad smile on her face as she hugged Troy hard around the middle. "Zeke was ill, I couldn't travel with him like that." she explained Troy nodded his head and took in the boyfriend who was in one word gorgeous. "This must be Liam." Troy said shaking hands with the man.

"I'm sorry for your loss Gabriella was telling me that you and Chad were close." Liam said to Troy who nodded.

"Its been a bit chaotic here the last few days, I had my work mailed to me so I didn't full behind that's how bad its been." Troy said Gabriella snorted with amusement as Troy plucked his fussing god son out of his baby seat. "You better not be giving your momma hell young man, or me and you are going to have words." Troy said to him Zeke stared up at him before grabbing a hold of Troy's shirt in one hand and shoving his thumb in his mouth with the other. "I seem to have this affect on babies, at least its not my chest hair this time." Troy said Liam laughed as Troy showed them to the room that he had set up for the three of them.

"I need to go shopping mom and dad are over at Chad's helping with the funeral." Troy said to them as way of explanation. "Ryan is out buying our suits, he refused to allow me any choice in what I wear, apparently I don't have the right kind of taste for the job." Troy sad to them as he passed them a key. "You can come and go as you please this way, moms instructions that you get one for the duration of your stay." Troy said to them. "Sorry we missed you on the London trip by the way, maybe you can join us in Aus this summer." Troy said to him.

"I'd like that." Liam said.

"You do know that if you hurt either of them Ryan and I will hurt you so bad your own mother won't be able to recognize you." Troy said to him with a smile Liam laughed at this. "Who said I was kidding, I wouldn't let Ryan do it though, I'd have his sister do the job for him." Troy said Gabriella shook her head amused. "Trust me when I say the last person you want chasing after your hide when she's angry is Sharpay Evans." he added Gabriella nodded.

"Your trying to scare me." Liam said to him Troy laughed.

"I do hope you pay attention mate because I think that Gabi can tell you what we went through when she was trying to get me to ditch the brain and date her, I got part of it right the part where I dated an Evans and married him." Troy said to him.

"You dated Gabriella then turned gay?" Liam asked.

"Technically I was gay before I dated Gabriella, it just took me a while to admit it." Troy said to him he laughed with him. "She's hot potato's dude." Troy said earning a slap to the back of his head from Gabriella. "That's battery." Troy said to her with a smile.

"You deserved it." Gabriella said to him Troy laughed leaving them alone up stairs he went into the kitchen to make coffee, a cigarette in hand as he stepped out onto the porch Gabriella found him still holding the unlit cigarette. "Please tell me you didn't start this habit?" Gabriella asked him.

"I don't know why I picked up a packet yesterday." Troy said to her. "If I had lite this up it would have been the first." Troy added taking the packet out he put the thing back in the pack. "Do me a favour and throw them far away." Troy said to her she nodded laughing. "Bad habit and I don't wish to start right now." Troy said to her she nodded.

"How you really doing?" she asked he sighed looking up at the sky.

"I must be an idiot, because no matter how strong my faith is someone always finds a way to knock me down." Troy said to her. "Why him, why Chad, that sorry son of a bitch up there as a sick sense of humour." Troy said to her she sighed wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Troy I don't understand why he does what he does but their has to be a reason." Gabriella said to him he snorted.

"Yeah, right tell that to someone who hasn't lost his twin to a drink driver." Troy said angrily. "Sorry I'm all over the place at the moment." Troy said to her she nodded her understanding. "I'm just so tired of losing the people I love for no better reason than its their time." Troy said to her she smiled at him he shook his head.

"We do what we always do, we pick up our lives and we get on because at the end of the day that's all we have." Gabriella said to him Troy shook his head.

"Their has to be more than that, I need more than that." Troy said to him. "I loved him Gabi." Troy said she got the meaning of that, no matter how much he loved Ryan it was clear that his love for Chad was a big factor for him in his life Ryan was watching them from the kitchen doorway sadly he knew how much Troy cared about Chad.

"He knows Troy." Ryan said announcing his return Troy looked at him. "I heard most of what you said, Gabi would you give us some time." Ryan said the woman nodded leaving them alone to talk on the porch. "If he had asked you out would you have gone out with him and dumped me?" Ryan asked.

"No, I love you both, I guess I regret that I never acted on my feelings when it counted." Troy said to him Ryan nodded. "But Gabi was right we can't live on might have been, and we have to live in the present, I love you Ryan I married you, all of this has knocked me out of sink." Troy said to him Ryan nodded. "His mom asked me to say a eulogy at the funeral." Troy said to him Ryan finally understood why Troy was in a bad way. "I don't even know where to start." he said to Ryan who smiled.

"At the beginning would help." Ryan said to him Troy smiled.

"I brought a pack of cigarettes yesterday, don't give me that look I didn't open them, Gabriella is throwing them away but for a moment there I was tempted." Troy said to him Ryan nodded. "I have an addiction for caffeine I don't need one for cigarettes." Troy said to him. "I didn't want you to hear that, I don't want you to think that your second choice." Troy said to him Ryan smiled placed his forehead against Troy's.

"I don't, and it doesn't matter to me that you feel for Chad in that way, because your married to me." Ryan said to him Troy snorted. "His in a better place now." Ryan added.

"I thought we'd have much more time than we did." Troy said to him Ryan understood that. "I thought I'd see him again and he'd be the guy I loved being around." Troy said Ryan knew all of this but let him talk knowing Troy needed someone to listen more than someone to give him some answers to the maelstrom of questions going through his mind. "I've always had control over my life where its going and what I would do with my life, I don't think I ever got over Matt, how do you get over that?" Troy asked him.

"I don't know, I don't think your meant to though." Ryan said to him Troy snorted.

"I guess not." Troy said to him. "We should give him the send away that he deserves." Troy said to his husband who nodded. "I'll be back." Troy said walking out of the kitchen leaving his husband wondering what he meant by that.

Hsmhsmhsm

The morning of the funeral Troy found himself dressed in Black, Troy had been asked to ride with the family, it was something that his mom had insisted on, "Troy do you have the eulogy down?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah I do." Troy said to him with a smile. "He looked pretty good the other day when I saw him." Troy said to Mikey. "How you doing, I see your parents arrived." Troy said to him Mikey nodded.

"They made the trip for me." Mikey said to him Troy nodded.

When they walked into the church Troy smiled to the lively music, it had been Chad's and his favourite track when they were younger, Ryan stared at him with a grin on his face the place was decked out in their team colours the coffin covered in their teams flag.

"You did a good job with this." Mikey said to him Troy laughed.

"I was talking to Ryan and realized that he would want something different, your like the leaving music." Troy said to him Mikey smiled as they sat down in their seats.

Troy managed to get up when he was called fighting back the torrent of emotions he had flowing through him at that moment he found his parents faces and Matt as he stood behind the mic.

"When I came here from New York, I was struggling to come to terms with the loss of my own twin, Chad on the first day of school helped me settle in. Really from the first moment we met we were friends, through the good and the bad in both our lives. When Chad told us all he was ill, it seemed like a surreal nightmare that we all hoped we'd wake from. Chad has left a gaping hole in our lives, one that can never be filled again completely. There are no words of meaning and no words that I can use to sum up his life adequately to you all, other than to say this, he was our friend a team mate and our brother, most of all he was a son and a husband. He touched our lives in ways we can never forget, it is now our jobs to carry on like he would have wanted. Lets celebrate his life today rather than mourn his death, remember the Chad of old before he was ill. The idiot who played pranks on us before a game, or the nut that would spike the drinks at a party just to see what we would be like drunk. Chad may not be with us in person but his all around us in spirit, we only have to look at each other to see that he left a part of him in us. We carry on in his name and his memory, sleep easy Chad." Troy said to the coffin before stepping down from where he was to rejoin Mikey and the rest of the family.

The service at the grave site was short and to the point, Troy had rejoined his family and took some comfort in holding one of his nephews and being near Ryan, they would be returning to school after the weekend so they could return to their studies. It was with a heavy heart that they left the grave, Troy Ryan and Mikey were the last to leave, Troy said he would give his friend a lift back to the house and the wake.

"I can't believe its over." Mikey said to him.

"No one can." Troy said to him as they walked back to the car with Ryan.

AUTHORS NOTE: Hey to you all that are waiting for updates, I am working on new updates for my other story so I do apologise, I have hit a bit of a block with it, though I do plan on updating it.