CHAPTER 4
Severus drew out his own wand, running his index finger lazily down the piece of polished wood, sneering as he did so.
"The Headmaster has allowed me to use his Pensieve again. Should you venture near it in my presence…or absence, then I shall be…very…displeased…if you care to recall. Prepare yourself. I am going to access your mind."
Harry tried not to tense in his chair. He knew that he had to make his mind go empty, that he was not supposed to think of anything… "Legilimens!" Severus said. Harry snapped out of his chair and stepped away, breaking their eye contact and thus avoiding the direct path of the spell. The expression on Severus's face was thunderous."What was that supposed to be, Potter?" he wanted to know, his eyes narrowing ominously.
"Didn't you say – in my fifth year – that I was allowed to defend myself in any way I could think of, sir? It was simply an evasive manoeuvre," Harry replied tranquilly.
Severus was livid with rage.
"You impudent whelp!" he hissed, his hand twitching as if he wanted to hit Harry or seize him by the collar of his robes.
"I can't learn anything substantial if you are going to insult me," Harry stated.
"Insult? You breached my privacy last time by invading the Pensieve!" Severus snarled. "Now that is an insult, Potter!"
"And I would have apologised if you hadn't started picking on me-"
"I have had enough of your tantrums," the Potions Master interrupted him icily, seizing Harry's arm, guiding him back to the chair and stuffing him into it.
"A sincere and heartfelt apology from you, Mr Potter? Are you sure that your overwhelming enthusiasm for Occlumency has not addled whatever brains you possess? Your father and Black would be extremely appalled…"
"If you are expecting floods of remorse for what my father and godfather did to you then I have to disappoint you," Harry said angrily, "because I am not James Potter or Sirius Black, and I can't apologise for their mistakes. I can only apologise for what I did. For invading your privacy."
They stared into each other's eyes.
"You deserve to be punished for your little trip in the Pensieve," Severus said finally.
"I was punished enough by what I saw," Harry informed Severus, who stared into the green eyes with smouldering hatred.
"I want you to give me three of your worst memories," he said softly, "and put them in the Pensieve." He gestured at the designated item with an elegant gesture of his slender hand, "and I shall choose one at random and…inspect it."
"And in return you will focus on teaching me rather than hating me? Sir?" Harry asked.
"My, my. Someone seems to enjoying doing business," Severus said mockingly, "how very unGryffindor of you, Potter."
"Isn't it always quid pro quo with you?" Harry said boldly.
"Your memories, Potter. Three memories."
"If you will kindly refrain from teaching me how much you hate me in the future, sir. I am only too well acquainted with that piece of information."
"We shall see. Now stop wasting my time and go over to that Pensieve if you are so eager to live up to the principle of Gryffindor nobility."
Harry went over to the Pensieve. He thought for a few moments and finally pressed the tip of his wand to his temple and drew out one memory…
He was being mobbed by the Dursleys as usual. Aunt Marge was making horrid remarks about his parents, and later that same day, at school, Dudley and his gang were Harry-hunting…
Harry transferred the memory carefully to the Pensieve while Severus watched on coldly.
Harry thought of his second memory…
Sirius falling through the veil…
The silver thread joined its fellow in the stone basin. And now the third memory…He had many bad ones, how ironic to have a wide range to choose from…And what kind of a twisted "kindness" of Severus to allow him choose three memories in the first place when he was going to invade Harry's mind anyway…
Harry learning about the unpleasant side of his father. Learning that his father had been a bully as a teenager. Severus had been unpleasant, all right, but he had not done anything to provoke James Potter into starting on him…
With the softest of sighs, Harry led the memory fall into the Pensieve. He stepped back, and Severus moved forwards with a nearly predatory air, ignoring the youth. He bent over the Pensieve; there was a flash, and the tall figure of the wizard vanished. His wand was on the desk. Harry looked at it curiously. He knew that there was a connection between a wizard's or witch's height and the length of his or her wand. Would he be breaching Severus's privacy again by picking it up for a closer look? It was only a wand – a powerful tool, but something every witch and wizard had…but at the same time as individual as its owner…therefore it was private. Harry refrained from touching the wand and prudently studied it with his eyes only. The wand was long and slender, black as its owner's hair and eyes. Severus's hair had grown long, now reaching just above the small of his back, and its oddly healthy appearance – since last Christmas – contrasted with the thinness and harshness of the cynical face. Harry looked around, wondering which memory Severus was currently viewing. It was not long belong another flash from the Pensieve illuminated the dark room. Severus reappeared. His face did not reveal any emotion.
"Take back your memories," he said. Harry obeyed. When he turned back to Severus, he discovered that the Potions Master only seemed angrier than ever.
"Your impudence knows no limits," he hissed, "using a memory of my memory, the memory you breached!"
"You saw your own memory, and yes, you saw my memory of it, sir. But it is a bad memory because…"
"Because what?" Severus spat.
"Because it disillusioned me about my father," Harry said with complete frankness, surprising even himself, "and because I underwent something similar before I came to Hogwarts."
Severus was silent for a few moments, then managed to find a way to twist Harry's words into a further reason to hate the youth.
"It is always about you, isn't it, Potter? I this, I that, me this, me that! Return to your chair – you have wasted enough of my time."
Resigned, Harry did as he was told.
When he left the office, his head was pounding with a fierce headache. Severus had turned the full blast of Legilimency on him, and he, Harry, had been unable to form a mental shield against the aggressive invasion. He had not practised for a rather long time, after all…and he had never even mastered it in the first place. Groaning, he rubbed at his forehead. The scar was prickling unpleasantly.
"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as he dragged himself into the common room.
"Shit, I think Snape really dissected you," Ron said as Harry collapsed into the nearest armchair.
"Whenever I think that he can't hate me more than before, I soon realise how badly I'm mistaken. He absolutely loathes me…" Harry said tiredly and summed up the lesson for them.
"It was a very decent thing of you to allow him to see one of your memories, Harry," Hermione commented. Ron, however, simply shuddered.
"Yeah, well, he didn't exactly see it that way," Harry muttered.
"I'll tell you what," Ron said, picking up a pawn from a chess set, "that bat needs to get laid. Then he'd feel better."
"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed while Harry laughed.
"Hey, the effects of sexual frustration-"
"All you ever think about, Ronald, is eating, Quidditch and Veelas," Hermione said haughtily.
"You'd master Occlumency in no time at all, Hermione," Harry said, "because I just can't figure it out."
Hermione chewed at her lip.
"There must be a way for you to at least achieve that mind-emptying effect," she said, gesturing at a volume called Mind Magic: On Legilimency and Occlumency.
"Professor Snape did not give you anything to read on Occlumency, did he?"
"No. He just explained what it was about, but not in a very approachable manner."
"And he didn't give you any reading material this time either."
Harry shook his head.
"Nope."
"Hm, he prefers a purely practical approach. He is rather bookish, but I guess he thinks…" she gave Harry an apologetic look, "that recommending a book on Occlumency for you would be useless since he's determined to think that it's above your intellectual capacities."
"It is," Harry muttered.
"No, it's not," Hermione snapped. "You can resist the Imperius Curse, and you told me that Snape said that you need similar powers for Occlumency. There is a way of emptying one's mind; it's quite spiritual, and-"
"I know what that is, it's medication," Ron said triumphantly.
"Meditation," Hermione corrected him, her mouth twitching slightly.
"Slip of the tongue," Ron said grumpily.
"Well, it would be worth a try."
"I can't possibly empty my mind! It's too stuffed with all the things I've got floating till right up here!" Harry said, gesturing at the ceiling.
Hermione, however, didn't look beaten. In fact, she looked as if another idea had occurred to her.---