Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 23

"Severus?" she said, stepping into the lab and not seeing him until he walked out of his storeroom at the back.

"I am sure you have a valid reason for disturbing me," he said flatly, as he walked to the workbench and began arranging his ingredients.

"I have come to say goodbye. It has been a month now since I came, and we have not spoken since. I think it time I moved on," Hannah said softly and began to walk toward him, stopping when she saw him stiffen. "I am sorry Severus, however I don't know for what. I just know that some how I hurt you."

"I am sure if you put some effort in it you would remember full well," he sneered.

"Severus, please," she said shaking her head. "I know some of this is my fault. I thought you would have remembered me. You were a big part of my life, I guess I made it into something it wasn't, and over the years imagined you cared."

"You made your choice," he said coldly.

"Choice? You think I chose him?" She asked with her voice breaking. "You were there, you stopped him! Is that what this is all about? You believe I wanted him to rape me?"

Severus's hands clenched in front of him as his memories came flooding back at her words. She had not wanted someone else. She had not taken a second lover. He had seen the man that laid over her, he had heard her screams, and he had run to find her with him in her. She was screaming, fighting and twisting to get away, only finding a fist with every movement she made to free herself.

"They told me at the rape centre that I was wrong to think of rape as sex, that it was more about power, and that no one that cared about me would think I wanted it." He could hear the tears in her voice. "I thought you were different from the rest at Spinner's End. I thought after every thing else that happened that day you would have understood, that you would have known I didn't want it."

He remembered. They had taken the train to the park, they had ridden most of the rides, and he had pulled her into the shadows of the coasters spine and kissed her. He closed his eyes remembering how sweet she had tasted, how very sweet she had tasted to a seventeen year old, an adult in this world, a child in hers.

He remembered sliding his hand over her breasts and into her waistband, he remembered her face and the freshness of her mouth and how he had been her first. He remembered her liquid brown eyes and the way her tears pooled at their bottoms, not quiet spilling over when he entered her.

It was late when they got back to Spinners End, her stepfather waiting on the steps to pull her away form him and rage at her for being gone all day with the freak from the house on the corner. He had pushed up her skirt and yanked her out of Severus's reach, looking for and finding blood smeared across her thighs.

"Tart," her father had raged pushing her hard against the brick wall, and bringing his hand across her face. "Get into the house. If you want to act like a whore I will treat you like one."

"You," he said turning on Severus, the smell of whiskey heavy in the air, "you know she is underage, I will call the authorities and have you put away for this."

"If you hit her again, I will kill you," Severus said coldly, and reached for his wand, sickened when he did not find it, knowing it was sitting next to his bed at home.

"Yeah?" The bear of a man raised his arm and let his fisted hand connect with Severus's chin. Severus fell back and the man was on him, eventually leaving him lying on his side, blood pouring from his mouth. He managed to curl into a ball as more blow fell, and heard Hannah's pleas with her stepfather to stop, to leave him alone.

"You like what he did you slut?" He stood back from Severus's body and rounded on her, then grabbed her hair and pulled her into the house.

Severus heard her screams and finally able to stand he staggered to the house. Her screams came from inside, mingled with her stepfathers rage of anger. Her voice was pleading and sobbing.

"Please, no. Daddy, not this, please don't."

He saw the splatter of blood by the door and did not know if it was his or hers, he heard her sobs and found a familiarity in the sounds. He thought of grassy fields and Muggles brought for entertainment.

"Accio wand," was out of his mouth before he thought about it, and he raised his hand cursing the wait until he felt the ebony wood hit his palm. Then whispering a soft "Alohomora," he watched the flimsy wood door open in front of him.

Hannah was on the floor, her stepfather between her legs pumping into her, his hips thrusting forward only stopped by her. Her eyes closed, tears pouring out, and she mouth open in a silent scream of pain.

"Crucio," Severus said with his wand pointed at the man's back and smirked as he saw the bastard twisted in pain.

"Severus!" She screamed his name, pushing the man off her.

"STUPEFY!" Severus yelled then kicked him, pulling him to the side and then he cashed his fist into the drunken face rendering him unconscious and breaking his nose. He stood and sneering down kicked him until the sickening sound of snapping ribs stopped him from kicking more.

He watched Hannah pull her legs together and sit up shaking, looking at him with her tear streaked face, clutching her clothing to cover her breasts.

"Hannah," he said her name softly and squatted down next to her. "Hannah, I am so sorry. This is my fault, I should have been more careful."

"Severus," she sobbed into his arms. "I hurt."

"I know," he rested his head on hers, not knowing what to do. "Do you have someplace to go? Somewhere he can't find you? Somewhere I can take you."

"I don't know," she said looking at her stepfather "I guess I could find my brother."

"I have to go Hannah, I cannot be here when they come," he looked at her and saw the hurt in her eyes. "Hannah, there are things you cannot understand, things I cannot tell you."

"They are coming," Lucius said, having just arrived at the doorway. "You need to be more careful which curses you cast my friend, they will be here any minute."

"What are you doing here?" Severus stood with Hannah behind him thinking to hide her state of undress from the older wizard.

He heard the sound of Apparation, and knew the Aurors were at the back of the house, alerted by the unforgivable he had cast. He nodded to Lucius and without turning, walked out the front door with him, leaving Hannah alone on the floor. He had not gone back to Spinners End for five years.

"It was my fault," he now said to Hannah, for the first time wondering if he had truly forgotten this or if Malfoy had used a memory charm on him after they had told him to leave her. "I should not have taken you as I did. I should not have left."

"Severus." Hannah said his name with a sigh.

"No, listen to me." Severus closed his eyes tightly, his arms braced against the bench. "If I had not taken you when I did, he would not have raped you."

"You blame yourself for this?" Hannah asked incredulously.

"Lucius and Narcissa, they said I should just let you go, that if…" his voice feel off as his breath left him, and his stomach sickened. "I was seventeen. I believed what they said. I didn't know how to help you."

"I think I always knew you really didn't care, not like I did." she said flatly. "I thought if I made love to you I could make you stay. I thought that I could make you love me. I guess at fifteen you think you know all the answers."

"Merlin Hannah," he said unable to look at her. "I blamed myself. I was seventeen and I blamed my self, and then I left you alone bleeding on the floor."

"How could you have helped?" Hannah asked softly.

"I cared for you," he said honestly. "In this world there are charms, and things I would have done to protect you."

"We were young Severus. You were seventeen and I just fifteen. We had no business playing with adult things."

"I have never been young." He stated flatly and at last turned around to look at her. "I did care for you.

You do remember what I told you that night at Spinner's End?" he said coldly, his demeanour changing. "Ask Albus for the rest of my list of horrors and see what you think a seventeen year old is capable of then."

"I am leaving Severus." She looked at him and heard the fact that he did care, and not that he still could. "That is all I came to say. That and I need to tell you that I love you. I have since I was thirteen."

Severus heard the words and turned back to his workbench, not knowing what to do, or what words to say.

"Severus," she said walking over and laying her hand on his back, and feeling no response she dropped her hand and walked away, knowing that he had let her go. She stopped on her way to the hall and slipped the amulet from her neck, and removed the hair combs he had given her years ago at Spinner's End, and leaving them behind her; she stepped out into the hallway and walked away.

Severus picked up his knife and began to chop the ingredients for his potion, pushing Hannah from his mind. He wanted to smash the vials that lined the shelves and throw the cauldrons against the wall. He heard her footfalls growing fainter in the hall, and knew that once she left he would not seek her out.

"Severus," Albus' voice came softly from behind him.

"I know why I am here," Severus said, reaching for the next ingredient he needed to prepare. "You once asked me why I was here."

"What have you learned since then, to now?" Albus said quietly.

"I ran away." Severus kept his head down to his task, although he could no longer see the root that he held in his hand through a blur he did not recognize as tears. "I have been running since."

"You can stop now." Albus knitted his brow together. "There is nothing more to run from, your father is dead."

"I ran from myself Headmaster." He sighed and set down his knife. "He was the excuse."

"Are you done now?" Albus asked.

"Obviously not," Severus replied remembering the sound of her footfalls growing softer. He picked up the knife and returned to his potion, determined to solve the puzzle in front of him.

"I will leave you to your work." Albus said then left the dungeons knowing the Severus would be lost in his work for the next few days as he came to the realization of what he had lost.

Two days before the start of term Severus and Albus walked in to St Mungo's and up to the ward of incurables. They had gained permission from the hospital to try the experimental potion on the Longbottom couple. Augusta Longbottom was there as Frank's legal guardian to oversee the treatment.

She peered at the Headmaster, "Albus, are you sure this will work?"

"No Augusta, alas I am not," Albus said sadly. "My Potions Master needs to test the potion, and we seek to help Frank and Alice."

"Mrs. Longbottom," Severus politely nodded to Augusta and taking her by the elbow seated her next to the bed they would be using to administer the potions. "I do not myself think this is a complete cure."

"Then why are you here?"

"Your son and his wife may give me the information I need to continue on with my research," he said honestly. "Without knowledge of how effective the potion is I do not know what else to do."

"Fine, but do not give it to Alice until we know for sure," she turned and looked at Albus. "He would never forgive me if I allowed harm to come to her."

"Understood," Albus smiled and patted her hand, then nodded to the healer who stood in the door. "Mr. Longbottom may join us now."

Two orderlies came in with a thrashing Frank Longbottom between them. He wore a jacket, with long sleeves that wrapped around him and fastened in the back. What looked like a Muggle straight jacket was actually charmed with protection spell to capture the mad wizard's magic before it created havoc in the hospital. They pushed him to the bed, and manacled his legs to stop to his escape, and a placed a silencing spell over him to quiet his screams.

"Is he overly agitated, or is this normal?" Severus asked looking Frank in the eyes and feeling Frank's desperation as he stared back.

"Normal."

Severus walked up to Frank and taking his head in both of his hands forced the wizard's head to face him.

"Mr. Longbottom," he said firmly. "Do you want this?"

Frank struggled against the touch of skin-to-skin and shuddered at the low voice at his ear, but Severus had seen his eyes, and recognized that the man behind the madness lived.

"We begin now," he said standing up. He handed Albus the first vial, then taking out his notebook nodded to begin.

"Mrs. Longbottom," he said, turning slightly to the old woman. "This will be a long day, and nothing at all is expected to happen. I would suggest you have lunch now, as later you may want to stay."

"You sound hopeful."

"I do not know your son, so my limited expectations may not meet yours. I have however felt the curse and hope to stop its pain."

"What of his mind?"

"I can only hope that his mind will no longer feel the pain." His eyes followed hers to her son as Albus poured the first vial down.

Severus noted the time and began the process of recording every minute detail of Frank Longbottom. After he administered the first potion, in six even does, each exactly one hour apart, he brought out the second potion.

Not until the fifth hour, with only one more dose left did Frank's manner change. The change was small, and hardly noticed, but Severus saw his tongue dart out and lick his lips and his eyes go to the glass. Severus's heart started beating wildly as he jumped up and grabbed the glass of water from Augusta.

"He is thirsty." Severus looked at Albus. "He recognized thirst."

Severus held up the man's head and brought the glass to his lips. He heard the deep sigh of satisfaction and a flicker in the man's eyes. By the end of the sixth hour Severus undid the jacket, and casting a containment spell on the man himself, he removed the abomination of a jacket.

Frank sat listless and dull. He no longer fought and screamed in pain as he attempted to scratch off his own skin. Severus knew he no longer felt the pain, but knew his mind had not been spared.

"I will keep looking Mrs. Longbottom," he sighed. "However, for now at least he is free."

"This is much more than I thought you could do." She stood and walked over to him grasping his hands.

"It is not enough," he said angrily, standing up and throwing down his quill. "Leave the rest of the potion for his wife Headmaster, she will fare the same."

In a flurry of robes, the Potions Professor stormed out of the room, feeling his failure again.