Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 26

Severus went directly to the hospital ward to talk to Poppy about his findings and then at her suggestion made a trip to St Mungo's to talk to the healers. He found that research had been on going, although very few successes were able to walk out.

"Professor, this is not a malady that effects our world much." Healer Donovan told him honestly. "We do what we can, however our budget does not allow nearly as much work on this disease as we would like."

"Would you be willing to release your research to me?" Severus knew if he started at the beginning he would not have enough time to find a cure. The only hope he had to help Tobias was to build on what they already had.

"That is not done. The researchers hold the information very close." The healer frowned. "If a cure is found, St. Mungo's gets the credit. The sale of the potion alone would support this hospital for years and set the careers for whoever discovers it."

"I ask for no compensation." Severus stood and started pacing. "I have a personal interest in this."

"Albus may have a say in this." Healer Donovan cautioned. "I understand that your contract with us is under his control. He may be able to pull a few strings."

"I will get his release and you will provide me what I ask for." Severus said walking to the door.

"This is an expensive project Professor," the healer said. "One that the hospital is ill equipped to fund."

"I have not asked, nor do I expect funding in this project." He sneered coldly as he left the office to seek out Albus.

Now he had to convince the old man to release him from his teaching contract and from his lessons for the rest of the term. He could not get Hannah's voice out of his mind as she had pleaded for her son's life, and he could not get the memory of hearing of his own lost son from his memory.

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"Severus," Albus said pacing. "I have no problem with releasing you to work on the portion, nor would I object for the full proceeds to go to St. Mungo's, however who would take over your lessons?"

"Albus," Severus said as he ran his hands through his hair. "Her son only has a few months before his bone marrow completely shuts down. Once that happens there is nothing left to cure."

"You have not even seen the research that St. Mungo's has," Albus said honestly. "Perhaps they have nothing to build on and you will but waste you time."

"I have to try." Severus looked at Albus knowing he sounded like a begging fool. "I can't leave her like this. I can not leave that child like this."

"I believe you can answer my question at last." Albus looked at him with his eyes twinkling. "May I ask you again?"

"What are you talking about old man?" Severus asked coldly.

"The first time you could not find and answer." Albus reminded him of their meeting years before. "Then, you mistakenly thought you were running away. Let me ask you again then. Why are you here?"

Severus looked at him unable to think of an answer and only shook his head. Albus sighed and leaned back in his chair studying the wizard in front of him.

"At Seventeen you faced decisions a grown wizard could not have easily made." Albus peered over his glasses. "It took me a long time to see Minerva's point of view, but once I did it was obvious even to me."

"What, pray tell, was her point of view," Severus said nastily.

"That you made the choices of a man with the knowledge of a boy." Albus said simply. "When most boys are dreaming of the future you could not see one. You thought the dark arts would replace a family and give you something you had never had."

"Tell me, when you visited Hannah this evening, what did you want." Albus smiled. "It is the answer you know."

Severus stood up and glared at the old man, wanting to pull his wand again, as he had before.

"When you left her with her father that night, what did you want then?" Albus threw the question out and waited for Severus to answer.

"I wanted to bring her here." Severus could not put aloud what he had been unable to say for years. "I wanted to protect her. I was afraid to bring a Muggle."

"So, as in our first meeting, if I were to ask you again," Albus said once more. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted a home," Severus looked up at Albus all pretence gone, "and I wanted her in it, I wanted to protect her, and keep her safe."

"Now," Albus grinned, "go get your witch and bring her home. We will find a teacher for your lessons. You must supply the lesson plans and I am afraid still over see the advance classes for their N.E.W.T. exams, it is the best I can do."

"That time is past Albus." Severus smirked. "I was a child, a child of seventeen. I am no longer that person. I will bring her here only until the boy is healed or dies." Severus replied coldly.

"If you bring them here you will be responsible. We do not set our selves up as our brother's keeper only to be rid of them when our own needs are fulfilled."

"It is not my need but the boys." He sneered at the Headmaster.

"Is it not?" Albus said softly. "I think we all have the need to help those we love. Admit it or not, Severus, the fact is that you wanted to bring her here at a very young age and you have wanted it ever since."

"Stay out of it Albus." Severus ranked his hand through his hair. "I know what I was like eight years ago. I would have destroyed her, and now it's too late."

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Severus found himself back at Spinners end and walked quickly to the house. Knocking on the door the waited, then knocked again before hearing the sound of steps coming toward the door.

Hannah opened the door with Tobias on her hip. She stepped back in surprise and opened the door for him.

"Hannah," he said cursing himself for waiting until now to figure out what to say.

"My Mum," Tobias smiled at Severus as he slapped Hannah on the shoulder. "I three."

"Yes, this is your mother and you will be three." Severus smirked at him and then turned his eyes to Hannah.

"My Mum bad," Tobias reached out to grab Severus's arm.

"Really?" Severus saw Hannah roll her eyes. "Why is your Mum bad?"

"No bisk." He looked intently at Severus.

"He means…." she started.

"I know what he means." Severus took Tobias from Hannah and walked into the kitchen. Then following Tobias' pointing finger, he found the biscuit tin.

"Severus, I do not allow sweets whenever he wants them." She crossed her arms and let her disapproval known.

"Since he can not keep food down and is losing weight I think it necessary to allow him to eat more often. If he is hungry that is a good sign, when his appetite falls off, that is when you worry." Severus had already handed one biscuit to Tobias who then pointed again at the tin.

"Two," Tobias said grinning.

Severus looked at him raising an eyebrow, then took the biscuit, broke it in two and put one-half in each of his hands. Tobias grinned and took one bite out of each one in turn.

"You have spent time around little ones before." She smiled at him.

"I do have a Godson. Draco is older, almost eleven now."

"Severus, why did you come back?" She asked.

"It appears it is a good thing I did." He frowned looking down at Tobias. "Why did he wake?"

"His meds. Every four hours, sometimes he falls right back to sleep, other times he wants to stay up for a while."

"When he is at Hogwarts he will be off his Muggle medications and able to sleep the night." He looked at her waiting of the objections to start.

"Hogwarts?" She began twisting her tee as she had before.

"Hannah, he has six months at the most." He watched her eyes and saw that although she knew this, to hear it aloud quickened her breath and brought the fear to her eyes again.

"Severus, not now." She turned and left the room.

"Listen to me," he walked up behind her with Tobias still in his arms.

"Not now," she whispered. "He needs to be asleep when we talk."

Severus sighed and pulled out his wand. With a simple pass over the child's head, Tobias fell forward on his chest and fell asleep.

"Fine, he is sleeping," Severus smirked. "Just a harmless spell Narcissa taught me."

"Oh my god." She rolled her eyes. "What a cheat."

"Now, what is wrong?" he asked.

"I don't want him to see me cry," she said looking at Tobias. "I try real hard, but sometimes I just have to walk away. Now, tell me why you came back. You made it clear a few hours ago that you couldn't help."

Severus nodded, and then took Tobias upstairs and laid him on this bed, returning to Hannah where she waited on the sofa.

"You will…, I want you …," he stammered, looked at her and scowled.

"I have known you for longer then I have not, and I have never seen you at loss for words." She chuckled at him. "Well once, I think you were around twelve and that big old owl you had flew through the window."

Severus felt his lip twitch as the memory came back to him.

"It was not an owl. I thought I could train a falcon to deliver mail." He smirked looking at her hesitantly. "I did not know that a falcon would not deliver mail but would be intent on catching my mother's canary."

"I remember your mother standing on the top step screeching at you and you standing there with your mouth hanging open." She laughed, and then started to guffaw. "That was the same year you tied a baseball to an owl, but the string broke and put out your fathers windscreen."

"I was thirteen, you would have been eleven," he said looking at her with a sheepish smirk.

"Oh my God Severus." She kept laughing. "You were always into something. Remember that time the whole place stunk like cat piss, something you were making in the back yard went wrong."

"Hannah, I want you and Tobias to come back with me. I want to try to find a cure." He turned to her suddenly serious.

"You don't need me there to find a cure Severus."

"I said that poorly. I want to take you back for Tobias to have the medical care he needs."

"You have not seen me for five years Severus. A lot has happened in that five years," she said softly.

Severus stood and began to pace, then walking over he took Hannah's hands and pulled her to her feet. Looking at her and seeing her shift her eyes he grabbed her chin and forced her face to his.

"Look at me Hannah, and be honest with me," he said afraid to breathe. "Do you still care for me?"

"Yes," she said softly meeting his eyes. "I don't know if it is real or just what I used to dream when I was a child. But, yes, I still care for you."

"That is all I need to know. Nothing that has happened in these last eight years would have made a difference." He held her chin tightly not knowing how to say what he wanted.

"I have a son Severus, I am sure you…"

"No, stop this," he said darkly. "Do you love his father?"

"I don't think…," she stammered.

"Did you?" He scowled at her. "Do you still?"

"No," she breathed her answer; closing her eyes and feeling tears run down her cheeks. "I only…,"

"Then it does not matter and we will not speak of it." Severus pulled away just far enough to look into her eyes. "Come home with me. Let me take care of you and the boy until I can no longer help him."

"Severus, I don't know." She tried to pull away but he held her tight. "I can't decide, I need time."

"No, Hannah." He laid his forehead against hers again. "This time it is just for you. Do not think of what your brother wants, or even Tobias, do not do this. Just think of you for once, not even me, not my world or yours, just what you want."

"I once asked you to stay with me the night." She closed her eyes. "I don't know if I can do that again."

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"What do you want?" he asked feeling his breath tighten in his chest.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I want him well, I want a home, I want …,"

"Then you will come home with me, you and your son." He shook his head when she started to protest. "I will do this as a friend. Nothing more."

"Severus." She looked toward the stairs where Tobias was. "Are you sure?"

"I never say anything I do not mean, you need to learn that. Now sit, we have much to talk over, you need to understand what happens next."

He explained that Tobias would be taken off all Muggle medicine, and turned over to Poppy for his daily care. He explained that he would try to find a cure, but felt it was a hopeless quest. He explained that they would live a Hogwarts, and the fact that they would have to stay out of sight. He told he her would lease a home for her as soon as he could, but it may be several months.

"Now, you have agreed to come home with me, this is what you would be agreeing to." He scowled at her.

"His medicine, I don't know Severus, it is all we have," she said worrying her lip.

"I will not put him through that. If it could save him I would not hesitate, but to watch him endure what will come, only to succumb anyway I will not abide." Severus said coldly.

"I am scared Severus." She lowered her head. "I am afraid to lose him."

"Make your decision," he said flatly.

"I already did," she said, standing up and going over to him. "You need to make me one of your Wizard promises."

"If I can."

"If this does not work, if you are unable to cure him," she looked at him steadily, "you are not to blame yourself."

"Hannah….,"

"No Severus, I know how you get. I don't think I can stand losing one, but if I loose two of you to this, I don't think I could take it. If we are going to try this, we do it right."

"I do not mean to try Hannah." He took her by the arms roughly. "I plan on doing it right this time. I will give my promise, but at least give me the ability to try. It has taken me almost ten years to get to this place in my life, I won't lose it now."