I'm so sorry, this took me so long! I had a huge writer's block, and I'm not even a writer... :) It felt awful. I guess I just have too high expectations on myself, I should just enjoy writing, because that is why I started it after all. So I finally came up with this, hope you are still going to like it! :)
I have to say, the reviews, favs and follows helped a lot! Thank you so much! Never expected this many! You made my heart swell!
After knocking repeatedly on the thick wooden door, Robin was waiting for the expected help to appear from inside. His arms slightly shaking as Regina's limp body was getting heavier with each passing second.
It was well past midnight, the shadows of the torches were dancing freely on the rigid stonewall, not being enough at all to illuminate the dark corridor.
Granny didn't wear her usual glasses as she twinkled at them from the now slightly ajar door of her chamber.
"What happened?" She asked, her sleepy face changing instantly into one grazed with concern when recognizing the pair in front of her.
"She fainted and I couldn't wake her. She is bleeding a little." Robin informed her. "I remembered you taking care of her before, so I assumed she would trust you this time, too."
"You assumed well." she said, sounding rather tired. She must have already been in a deep sleep, when he came to wake her up, no matter whatever it took. And Robin saw as the tired, old werewolf's features changed the second time that night, as she looked closely at Regina. At the sight of her pale face and lifeless body, the older woman's eyes showed sadness, tears even. And it suddenly made Robin afraid. "Come in." She said, her sight never leaving the fallen queen.
Why would anyone shed tears for The Evil Queen, Robin wondered? Why would anyone be sad when she was hurt? Why would anyone tend to her at all? She wasn't hurting anyone nowdays, but she wasn't too nice to anyone either. Maybe except for Roland, she never had a bad word for him. Still, almost everyone else hated her or at least feared her, as much as he knew. But not Granny. Why?
So many questions around the queen, and all he could think of if it was something serious that was happening to her now. Or was he only overreacting it?
"I don't think it is anything out of ordinary." He tried to sound calm. "I just got worried, I don't want her to get that sick again." And he realized that he was trying to reassure himself with his words, not the anxious looking Granny.
"Nothing is ordinary with her." The werewolf said, as she gestured for him to put Regina down to the bed. "Now go. Let me check her." She added. Glasses in place, she was already sitting down on the bed beside Regina, holding her frighteningly white and bony fingers in one hand, touching her sweet face with the other.
And Robin realised those full lips getting closer to white now and it scared him, it made him worried, when he shouldn't be worried this much. He had no right to fear for her well being, had no place beside Regina, they were nothing to eachother he only carried her here because he was a generous man, a kind man, who takes care of the weak and injured. The only problem was that he didn't believe himself anymore.
He hesitated first, reluctant to leave Regina's side, but the serious expression the older woman was wearing conviced him to go. "I'll wait outside."
"Good." Granny said, not even looking in the direction where he was standing stunned, but as soon as she heared the door crack, she busied herself with undressing the sick queen.
"Your bleeding stopped a little while ago." The tired werewolf told her gently.
It is over then, Regina thought, eyes closed, burried deep in her sorrow. She couldn't see the kind smile disappearing from the older woman's face and transform into something more close to concern than anything else.
Granny had an intuition that this time Regina at least thought about keeping her baby. What bigger proof to have than the fact that she haven't used her vile potion, the poor troubled soul haven't used that poison, yet.
She even seemed further along already, as Granny could study her body thoroughly during the past five hours or so. Her breasts looked fuller, while the other parts of her body looked thinner, eminently due to the nagging sickness, which was also heavily present the previous time. And as she had been lying peacefully on her back -still unconscious but at least not bleeding anymore- Granny, with her gentle hands could also feel out a hard, growing womb through the thin muscles of Regina's concave abdomen, thanks to the lack of fatty tissue in the brunette's body.
It meant joy, but it also meant worry.
Regina should have taken better care of herself, if she wished to stay healthy during the pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby in the end. Granny didn't understand why would she let herself consumed by something as beautiful and miracuolus as expecting a child. Only if she hadn't decided, yet. Maybe Regina hadn't made the decision about this pregnancy, yet. She could have ended it already, or she could have freely enjoyed it, preferably together with the soon-to-be father.
But no, she hasn't done either of those, she rather acted as if nothing particular happened, as if she wasn't even pregnant. Or did she hope for nature to make the decision for her? Did she wait for Robin - because Granny was almost completely sure that he was the father, to give her a reason to have the baby, to have his baby? What could have changed since the last time? Three months ago she seemed so dreadfully determined about ending it, going through that pain in the early stage.
While waiting for Regina to wake up, the werewolf promised herself to talk some sense into the young woman, not to let her destroy herself repeatedly any more. And finally, after almost six hours of resting, Regina has came round, quite confused. Which made the older woman a bit confused, too, so she tried everything she could to make her at ease.
"Why are you crying? Please, child, calm down it's not good for the baby."
"The baby?" Regina asked, her voice not hers at all, broken and quiet. "It didn't...?" She finished sobbing and was now busy with cleaning her face from the tear tracks, eyes big and dark, shakily waiting for the confirmation to be said.
"No." As Granny saw a tiny smile on those pale lips, she was happy to offer a big, kind smile of hers in return. "For now at least, but you should take better care of yourself from now on, if you really plan to carry this baby to full term." Then she helped the stunned Regina to sit up against the headboard. "Let's start with some food, shall we."
"But..." She tried, between chewing and swalloving the small bites she took from the food Granny was helping her with. It didn't make sense to her at all, the cramps, the bleeding. She would have assumed that she had lost the pregnancy. She still felt very weak, like all strength left her body, but despite that and a slight uncomfortable feeling in her lower abdomen, she would say she was fine. She had been worse not once, that she was sure of.
"Don't worry dear. Everything will be fine, if you eat and rest properly."
Hearing the reassurance, Regina swallowed visibly as her mind began to race, and she strated to remember why she felt so confused after awakening in the first place.
Her dream. Her memory. Rumple appearing in her memory. And suddenly her throat constricted, and sickness was threatening her insides.
"You plan to keep the baby this time, am I right?" Granny asked, studying the change in Regina's features apprehensively, then offering her a glass of water.
"I..., I can't, I shouldn't." After taking a few sips, she handed the glass back with a shaking hand.
"Why?"
"Because ... I ..." Then she heared Rumple's disturbing voice again, telling her that Zelena would hurt everyone she holds dear, and she just can't let something like that happen. Again. She can't loose someone again. Life was so cruel to her. How can it give her love, a man and children, only to endanger them, only to cause her pain by losing them. How could life be so mean to her?
How? Why? She had to be cursed to be so unfortunate.
"What is it, child?" The older woman's uneasiness grew as she saw the haunted look plaster on Reginas face, and her eyes filling with tears.
"No." She whispered, shaking her head. "You just don't know anything."
"I know more than you think." Granny stated, but her words didn't achieve the intended affect. She whished to sound appreciative and helpful, instead all she managed was to fuel Regina's anger against the world, against life.
How dare this hag she-wolf pretend to know how she feels, how everything is against her happiness, how she always has to fight and fight again.
"Then that means you know too much, and I have to kill you." Eyes furious and shining darkly, she sat up straight from the headboard, as she snapped back, attacking with words being her most frequently used weapon.
"Regina, please. I am not the enemy."
"I know." She said brokenly, sagging back into the pillows. "But still, you should better stay away from me."
"Stop pushing people away." Granny pleaded, then she paused waiting for a sassy remark, but none came. Instead, she saw teartracks on the brunette's cheeks, head held down, she was caressing her still flat belly. "You have to tell him." She went on, surprising Regina with her words, and more so with her resistance against the Queen's previous request, of staying away from her. "He was so worried abou you, he cares for you, too." She tried to take the pregnant woman's free hand in her's to comfort her, but Regina pulled it back right away.
"He should't, and you shouldn't either. I don't deserve it, and above that, it is dangerous." She told the older woman, fire returning into her eyes along with the craziness, which now dominated her delicate features.
"You can't say that." Granny tried with the devastated Regina, who sadly already made up her mind.
She won't let anyone die because of her ever again. She won't let anyone care for her or love her, only to get hurt. And neither will she let anyone close only to cry and suffer when she herself gets killed or tortured or god knows what else terrible. Because that is what is going to happen, always something terrible. And she didn't whish it not for Robin nor Roland, nor for Granny, and not even for Snow. She will fight that green witch, but she can't succeede while she has weeknesses. First she has to shield herself from them. Then she will fight the witch to protect them, even if she has to die in the end, because they will be safe, and that is all that mattered.
She felt the fighter coming back to life inside her. A weak, tired, lonely fighter, but she was still a fighter.
"My potion will be ready in two days, I will call you when your presence will be needed. Otherwise I wish not to be disturbed in my chambers. You can tell Snow to send me a meal every day, but I don't want to see anyone."
"Don't do this." The old werewolf pleaded confused. "You can't push me away, you know, especially after all I learned about you."
But it was already too late. The Queen, with haunted look in her dim eyes, disappeared in a purple smoke.
"Go away!" Regina answered harshly at the unwanted knocking on her door. She had no intention to talk to anyone, especially not to him.
"Regina please, I have to see you," he pleaded desperately "to see if you are really okay, and I'd also like to talk to you." He couldn't believe when Granny bursted out of her chamber looking furious and troubled, telling him that Regina magically disappeared from inside not a minute ago. He was so tired that first he thought he was only dreaming. Only when he registered the pain in his bones -thanks to the uncomfortable place and position he was sitting in for half a night- did he know that what he just heared was real. Though he still had hard time in believing it. And as Granny tried to explain to him what had happened, truly it didn't help much. What she said did not make any sense. He had to see with his own eyes that Regina was all right.
So he just kept knocking and pleading to finally get in.
Her heart ached and tears burned her eyes, because she wanted it, too. She so much wanted to touch him, to talk to him. But she couldn't let herself have it, she couldn't let him near her; to let him see her, because he would be able to look into her soul, and then he would see her secrets. She won't let him, she will protect him from herself.
A plan came up in her mind, a painful, cruel plan.
She started to walk with renewed grace, wearing her usual well fitted mask, to open the door for him, with one thing in her mind. To scare him away.
"Now. You can see, I am fine." She said flatly.
"Thank you. I'm glad to hear that." And as he studied her, she really looked fine, her makeup flawlessly applied, nice black dress, with a seemingly soft material hugging her body perfectly, maybe even too tightly sans a corset, but still pushing her breasts up nicely. But what did she hide under these layers? He couldn't tell. He stared into her eyes, but only saw emptiness. And he had enough of her shields, of her games, her returning coldness against him. He had to know what is going on in her head, in her heart. "I thought, when you feel better, we could go out for a picnic, with Roland. He misses you, you know."
"No, I can't go." She was so taken aback from his request that this was all she could utter, though she managed to do it with such apathy that Robin almost belived her.
"Why?" He asked, and when he didn't get an answer, only a pretty, gaping mouth and big helpless eyes, he took a step closer to her, entering her chambers. "Listen," he continued after. "He likes you, and I like you, let's try to do something nice together, like we used to at the beginning, before we started to see each other secretly."
"You are going to hate me, because of what I did." She spoke finally, because she decided that she can't lie to him any more, she can't play with his emotions, more she can't play with the little boy's. She was too tired to pretend that nothing happened, she owed him the truth, because he was a good man after all. He was good even with her. And maybe he would get angry with her enough to leave her alone. It was a painful wish to make, but it was what was best for everyone. If only it wasn't this hard for her, if only it would be as easy as it used to be.
"No, I don't care anymore what you did as The Evil Queen. You changed." He tried to reassure her by gently taking her delicate face in his big hands. His eyebrows knitted because he didn't understand her.
"But I didn't talk about my past." She whispered, her eyes now showing a hint of fear. "You want to know what really happened," she took a ragged breath, as sobes were threatening her lungs "when I was sick three months ago?" She just knew that he will hate her, she only hoped that he won't hurt her too much, because she still had important things to do, witches to destroy and loved ones to protect. "You want to know what I did?" And she let her tears fall freely.
This is it. It is going to be over soon, she thought.
"What are you talking about Regina?" He was beyond confused, and beside that, he saw that Regina was struggling, that she was shattered and afraid. And he didn't like to see her like this. What the hell had happened? It had to be something huge to shake her this much, to fail to hide her emotions in front of him. He never wanted to help her and protect her more desperately.
"I was with child. I was carrying your unborn child, Robin, and I made a potion to lose it."
There, finally it was out.
"No, no!" He shook his head, still holding her face, and looking into her sad, shining eyes. "I can't believe it."
"I aborted our baby!" She pushed, when he did nothing else. Because beside being relieved that her sin was finally revealed, she was dying to be punished somehow. She wanted him to be angry at her, to hurt her, phisically, too. She felt she deserved at least a slap, after she killed his baby. That's what The King would do. No, he would do so much more, terrible things, than a little slap. And though Robin was the opposite of The King in so many ways, and she could only see sadness now in his always playful and kind blue eyes, not anything close to rage, she still expected him to hurt her.
"Why, Regina, why?" He whispered instead, caressing her wet cheeks. "You should have told me! Why are you keeping everything from me?"
He is forgiving. Too forgiving if you would ask the merry men, but even he can't forgive this. And she still keeps a secret from him...
What is he going to do?
"Gods Regina." He said finally, strong hands taking a forceful grip on both sides of her face. He then turned them and took two small steps forward, making her weak and shaking body move on his demand, forcing her back to collide with the stonewall of her huge bedchamber. She released a surprised gasp at the impact and she closed her eyes, giving herself to him completely.
At his mercy. Dying from his hands would be a salvation for her.
Just do anything, she thought.
And than he kissed her. Deeply and long, with love and passion, and a dash of sorrow.
She kissed him back. Maybe it was the last time, and she wanted to taste him once more. It felt so good, his kiss, his closeness. His body pushing to hers completely, almost painfully with her back against the cold wall.
Robin's hands started to roam with need, but not with possession. He cupped her breasts through the soft material strongly, but not painfully. All this time he never let go of her lips, kept it attached to his, afraid of what else would she confess. For now he only wanted to feel her, to know that she is healthy and alive. He pushed his hip into hers, connecting their most sensitive parts more firmly. He felt her moan vibrate into his mouth. She was so responsive. He put a hand on her sex and she gasped. Feeling more turned on with every sound she made against his lips, Robin released her, only to reach down to gather up the skirt of her long black dress to get a better access to her center. That was when he saw her.
Standing against the stonewall, eyes big as a cornered animal's. Her whole body shaking with thighs tightly pressed together. How didn't he feel those tears against his cheek, covering hers completely? "Please," she whispered, while crying silently. She was hugging herself with trembling arms, covering a breast which got free from her dress, supposedly thanks to his more absentminded ministrations. How could he misunderstand her reactions? Then he suddenly remembered, she never touched him back, never moved against his body, she just let him do what he wanted. And she obviously wasn't even ready for an intercourse, how could he forget what happened only the previous night?
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispered between short breaths, looking into her frightened eyes with his shining ones.
He didn't mean it.
"You know you don't have to be afraid of me, don't you?" He asked worried when she didn't move. He didn't want to scare her more with approaching.
He wouldn't hurt her.
"I just need a moment." She whispered, voice even more deeper because of the crying.
He is not HIM. He is not The King.
Regina walked slowly to her bed, knees going weak once on her way, but she managed not to fall. She fixed her dress before sitting down on the covers, avoiding his gaze.
She should have been stronger, she should have endured her punishment gracefully. Like she did so many years ago. And she was doing well, but then he seemed like he didn't want to do it, like he was surprised that he was hurting her. Though she felt she would have deserved it, she still was glad Robin stopped. Maybe he was truly different. But then it would mean that it will be more difficult to make him hate her. Did she fail already? Is her plan a good plan at all? Killing her baby again along with loosing everyone else she still could love? Only to be able to fight again, fight better without her weeknesses? To save them? It sounded so crazy and lonely, a dangerous and sad mission.
What is she going to do now?
"Are you okay? Do you need me to call Granny?" He asked, seeing her hand massaging slightly her lower abdomen, the gesture too similar to the one after the blood appeared last night.
She shook her head in response, finally looking at him. "I'm fine, thank you."
He came closer, sat on the bed beside her, and hesitantly took her hand in his. "I would love to have children with you, but if you don't want to, then we won't, just be honest with me, please." Her stomach dropped painfully at his words, as he smiled with his dimples, and she realised that their baby could easily have those, too.
She wasn't able to return his kind smile, because she knew, he would definitely hate her if she would do it again.
"I'll try." She said softly. "But now I really need my rest."
She needed to think.
"All right, my Queen." He helped her under the covers, and happily kissed her on the lips before leaving. "I'll come later to check on you."
Little did he know about her newest plan.
I promise, that this will have a happy ending, just bear with me! And there are also going to be more sexy times! ;)
Sorry, but the updates will be at least weeks apart, but I hope you are still interested in the story. My life is a bit hectic right now, with having two little boys at home. I love them, but they are too noisy! :)
Please, share with me your thoughts about this chapter, I'm really curious! Thank you!
Now (06.09.2014.) this chapter is corrected by a registered beta reader, snoopydoodles17. Thank you again Grace! :)