Rated M
New Beginning: The Same Refrain
Chapter 28
Hannah rushed to meet Severus when he arrived in the chambers. She took his robes and hung them by the door. Handing him a glass of pumpkin juice she took his elbow to lead him into the sitting room.
"Dinner will be ready any minute. Poppy and Minerva are already here."
"Hannah, I have to be quick. Albus needs to see me," he said quietly.
"It won't take long. Just eat, have some cake and leave."
"Hannah, you don't under…"
"Yes Severus, I really do." She turned hearing the others coming into the room, and smiled at them, leaving Severus alone to watch after her.
"So little man," she said to Tobias. "Did you show off your new comforter?"
"Yep." Tobias climbed up of the sofa. He stood on the cushions, looking at Severus as he held up his hand with three fingers prominently displayed. "I'm three."
Severus scowled at him. "You are also standing on the furniture. I would suggest that you put your feet on the floor."
Tobias looked at Severus, returning his scowl, then sat down, slid to the floor and ran to Severus grabbing his leg and looking up.
"I having party. We gots cake. We gots Millie cake."
"Who left Millie in charge of the cake?" Severus looked up from Tobias' face and saw Minerva grinning.
"Come on Fessor." Tobias pulled on his hand. "You come to?"
"I am here," he frowned looking down at the boy.
"Really Severus, no need to be angry." Minerva chided him. "It is only dinner."
"Yep," Tobias said running to the floo where he fell to his knees and called Millie.
Severus followed the boy to the floo and squatting down, took his chin in his hand and turned him so he could look at his face more closely. He ran the pad of his thumb over the thin skin of his temple the stood and looked at Poppy.
"Not now Severus," she nodded toward Hannah.
"What?" Hannah said seeing their look. "Oh, he has a little rash. I guess he must have gotten into something. At first I thought it was a heat rash…"
"Does he have the same rash on the inside of his …?"
"Severus!" Poppy said. "Why don't we just eat and talk later."
"Fine. Millie, I believe there is something in my room."
"Yes Master." She ran off to collect the gifts, piling them with others in the middle of the dinning table Minerva had transfigured in the middle of the sitting area.
"Now, everyone to the table." Hannah clapped her hands and smiled at Tobias
Tobias let out a squeal when he saw the presents on the table and pointed when the pile got larger as Millie deposited Severus' offerings. He ran to the chair next to Severus, climbing up on hands and knees until he could sit like a big boy, his chin not meeting the table. Severus looked down at him and saw the towhead smiling up from under the table edge. Rolling his eyes he accio'ed his new research book and lifted Tobias up to slide the book between the chair and the boy.
"Now, that's better." Severus glanced at the clock.
"I sit with Fessor." He smiled at Severus, and then looked up at the gifts and clapped his hands. "Mum, I want…"
"You eat first." Severus looked down at his plate and heard Hannah's snigger.
"On second thought, you are correct you should open them first." Severus looked up from his plate in disgust.
He reached over the Pizza and hamburgers on his plate and selected a present from the pile, handing it to Tobias. Tobias ginned and reached out both hands, grabbing the package only to let it fall onto his plate.
Hannah quickly reached over and grabbed the package, helping him open his new book, and then reaching for more gifts. Severus saw her smile slip, and her eyes fill with tears as she realized Tobias no longer had the strength to pick up his presents but leaned back in the chair, smiling as he watched her rip open the wrappings for him.
Tobias smiled and reached for the stuffed dragon that had a pull sting on its back. He pulled the string and giggled as the dragons wings flapped and it started to sing Happy Birthday belching small puffs of smoke at the end and then growling loudly.
"Severus, that is the cutest thing." Hannah looked at him in surprise. "I didn't know you went shopping."
"Yes, I … well," he said looking to Minerva for help.
"He told me what he wanted and I picked it up." Minerva winked at him.
"Now lets eat this pizza, it looks great." Hannah watched Tobias as he poked the food with his finger.
"Not hungry," he pouted and looked up at her.
"There now, finish eating and then we have a grand cake," she smiled thinly, then stood and ran from the room.
"Mum?" Tobias looked after her, his face falling to a frown.
"She is checking on the cake." Severus put out his hand and restrained the boy. "She will be right back. You wait here and I will check on the cake with her."
He nodded to Minerva as he followed Hannah into her chambers to find her standing just inside the doorway taking deep breaths and trying to clam herself.
"Hannah?"
"I am sorry. I keep telling my self I will not do this. I can't let him see me like this."
"When was the last time Poppy saw him?"
"Two days ago."
"I read his chart." He began to pace. "Hannah you must…"
"Not now." She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I can't do this now."
"Hannah." He stepped up to her and took her chin in his hand. "Ignoring this will not make it go away."
"They said he could have a bone marrow…"
"Hannah, if he went into remission," he whispered. "He has not. If he could I never would have brought him here."
"He is getting worse." She looked into his eyes hoping to see denial. "He has been vomiting all day, and he won't eat."
"He will continue to do so. You know what will happen next."
"Oh my Gods, Severus. What can I do?"
"Wipe you eyes, and go back to his party. You need to let him know that what is happening is nothing to fear. Hannah, as much as we dread it, it is part of life."
"I know." She turned from him. "I know, I've tried. I tell him that my Mum died, and that she watches him. I don't know what else to do."
She wiped her eyes with her hand. "How do I tell my baby that he will die?"
Severus watched her wipe her eyes and breathe evenly to calm herself, then walk back to the party, leaving him standing looking after her. He fought to catch his own breath, and not call her back. It had been so long since he had held her, and feel her close. He wanted to tell her how he felt but could only hear Albus's voice warning him of the Dark Lords return. It would be unfair to bring her close now, when their time was so short.
He left the birthday party and headed to the Headmaster's office, unable to watch any longer.
"I am sorry for the lateness Albus, I was detained." Severus walked across the Headmasters office to sit opposite him, in front of the desk.
"How was Chunk's birthday?" Albus smiled.
"Tobias's birthday was fine."
"How is he doing?" Albus leaned back, peering over his glasses. "I have not spoken to Poppy the last couple of days."
"Not well," he sighed. "He is weak and is experiencing some pain. His platelets are not regenerating. I am sure Poppy is trying to control it while not drugging him. I am afraid he is failing."
"Your research?"
"Nothing," Severus spat. "St Mungo's research is useless. I don't know what they claim to have been working on all these years. Albus, I can find nothing."
"I am sorry." Albus took his glasses off to rub the bridge of his nose.
"You did not bring me here to talk of medicines and small boys." He looked at the Headmaster, his eyes growing black.
"I have heard rumours, rumours fed to the Ministry, that Tom is coming back."
Severus stood and began to pace, his long slender fingers ran through his hair. He thought furiously what could be happening, and where to find the information.
"I have not talked to Lucius for over a year now." He clasped his hands behind his back and kept walking. "He would have told me if he had known anything. He would have bragged about how much he knew."
"What of Narcissa?"
"Narcissa," Severus snorted a bark of laughter. "We are no longer close."
"You will need to correct that problem," Albus scowled at him.
"No, Albus, I will not." Severus turned to the older wizard. "There are things you are unaware of, things that I will not go into."
"I will have to ask you to return to their fold," Albus said as if asking for an extra helping of pudding.
"Is that all?" Severus shook his head and walked to the window; he put both hands on the ledge and leaned into the glass. "This is it then. This is what we have waited for."
"Yes, this is your oath to me." Albus looked down at his sleeve and flicked off a piece of lint. "Did you not expect this to happen?"
"I had hoped…" he stood up straight, resolved not to share his feelings. "I have things to attend to Albus. Things I must take care of before this begins."
"You have a week left to this term, and then the summer."
Severus walked out of the office and down the staircase wondering where the time had gone, and how much time he still had. Hannah and Tobias waited for him. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he walked out the main doors and into the night. He could not face them yet, not now, not tonight.
He hurried to the apparation point at the Main Gates and appeared at the Malfoy Manor, needing to know if the rumours were true, if he was out of time, it the terror had come back. The door opened as he strode up the pavement, and tossing his cloak to the elf he walked directly into the sitting area, not waiting to be announced.
"Lucius, it has been a long time old friend." He nodded to Narcissa as he crossed over to Lucius who had stood as he entered.
Lucius greeted Severus warmly, clasping his shoulders and slapping him on the back. Lucius clapped his hands to summon an elf, demanding drinks of his best, from his private stores.
"I have just heard some good news Lucius. The blood traitor has learned that the Dark Lord returns."
"Yes, I am surprised he has knowledge of it. We must have placed our trust in someone too close to him. And here we thought it would be you that we could not trust."
"Me? When have I given you pause to think that?" Severus raised an eyebrow and looked at Lucius with contempt.
"There are only a few that know the details." Lucius looked at Narcissa and nodded to the door.
Severus turned and watched as she stood and hesitantly walked to the door, glancing back and looking at Severus with a scowl. He took a glass from the tray offered by the elf, and lifting it up he saluted her and bowed low and formal.
"Don't trust him Lucius."
"I do not remember asking your opinion." Lucius swirled the amber liquid in his glass looking at the patterns it made as it picked up the flickering light form the fire.
"Lucius, listen to me."
"Yes Lucius, listen to your witch. Perhaps we can all talk about past transgressions," he sneered at her.
Narcissa turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving the two wizards alone.
"I think you upset her," Lucius laughed.
"I have been gone too long, she misses me. Tell me, how is my godson." Severus held his glass tightly, wanting to smash it and not go through the formalities until the time was right to ask what he needed to know.
"Draco is fine. He starts Hogwarts next term."
"I believe the Weasleys also have another spawn they are sending."
"Yes and the Potter brat should be of age."
Severus raised the glass to his lips and let the burn run down his throat. It had been so long since he had felt the old madness that its familiar grip was less frightening than he remembered it. He looked at his glass and then lifted it again, draining the whiskey and thinking of Hannah.
He looked at Lucius and knew in that moment that he was no longer the one to follow. He could play his part. He could look at the wizard and feel nothing. His lip twitched as he remembered the fear he had felt when he heard that the Dark Lord had returned. Now he only felt anger, hatred, and the need for revenge.
He pulled the walls up in his mind and put on his practiced smirk, and did not hear the cart pull up the tack nor feel his stomach lurch as it fell. For the first time he wanted to grieve for the babies flushed out in blood, and not run from them in fear. He knew why he had come to this world and it stood in front of him. And he hated him for it.