CHAPTER 15

A/N: Marius belongs to me :-)

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Severus Snape was a meticulous man. He was impeccably neat and made sure to clean out his drawers once a month, throwing away old documents and other things he considered useless. But there was a photograph he did not know what to do with. He wanted to incinerate it; at the same time, he wished to keep it. It was a souvenir of a time when he had been very happy – and very miserable. Severus stared at the picture, looking down at his teenage self and at a wizard who was a little taller than him. The wizard had long dark-brown hair curling on his shoulders, and grey eyes. He was an attractive young man, and his arm was around Severus's skinny waist. Severus himself was looking happy and timid at the same time, his black hair tied back and his lips displaying the hint of a smile...

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Marius Rivers and Severus Snape had attended the same school and the classes to obtain their Potions Mastery degree – an extremely prestigious title. There was only one school in Britain which accepted applicants, and said applicants had to have outstanding marks in not only Potions, but in most of the other subjects. Severus had graduated from Hogwarts with excellent marks and a poor reputation among students, including some of the Slytherins who despised him for his looks, half-blood heritage and rumoured homosexuality. An embittered man, Severus had been eager to join Voldemort after graduating, but before dong so, Albus Dumbledore, recognising his Potions talent, suggested that Severus further his Potions education. Severus had agreed and postponed his ominous plans. And there, at that school where he would study hard for three years and rise to be the most talented pupil, he had fallen truly in love for the first time. Marius and he were roommates – there were always two students who shared a room, and during that time, the two would share more than just a room…

Marius was nineteen, a little older than Severus, and had come all the way to England from America. Marius radiated a scorching sexuality to which Severus responded by blushing, dreaming erotic dreams and shooting Marius covert glances. Marius would undress at leisure and without shame in front of Severus in the room they shared. And he seemed genuinely interested in Severus. Marius was a good listener. He treated Severus as particularly knowledgeable, making Severus feel self-confident whenever Marius asked Severus questions about brewing this and that potion, and praised his brewing skills. From praising Severus's Potions skills, Marius cleverly moved on to praising Severus's appearance – something Severus felt very insecure about.

"Your hair is so soft…and you have really nice eyes," he told Severus when they went for a walk outside. Good-looking Marius didn't seem to care about the other students, and Severus revelled in the feeling of being Marius's only close friend. Slowly, Severus thawed, telling Marius a little about his childhood, and finally that he was gay.

"I know you're gay. I knew it as soon as I saw you."

Severus flushed.

"How?"

"Just a kind of feeling. Maybe because I'm gay myself," Marius smiled, running his hand through Severus's hair in a brotherly gesture…except that the look in Marius's eyes seemed more than brotherly.

Marius knew how to utter subtle flatteries under the guise of praise and small compliments. Severus's damaged self-confidence slowly began to improve. He even began to think that joining Voldemort as a Death Eater would not be such a wise decision after all. Lucius Malfoy kept in touch with him, dropping a hint every now and then that Severus ought to make up his mind soon. Severus pushed the letters and hints into the back of his mind and drawer, devoting himself to his Potions studies and falling in love with Marius. Marius coaxed Severus into making the first move which would make them lovers for the next six months. Catching Severus staring at him one evening, Marius put aside his Potions textbook.

"I believe in seeing and touching," he remarked.

Severus's cheeks became warm.

"So why don't you kiss me instead of staring at me like that?" Marius continued. Severus stood up and went towards him.

From that moment onwards Severus's world became Marius. Marius introduced him to delicious pleasures in the room they shared. In bed, Marius was the teacher, guiding Severus, sometimes laughing at him and telling him that he was not made of glass whenever Severus's hands touched Marius's body with awe. Marius was the first man Severus kissed and had sex with. Marius had been together with someone during his last year of school; but he always reassured Severus that Severus was unique and therefore his first true love. The night after Marius slept with Severus for the first time, Severus was eager to repeat the performance – in reversed roles. Marius was looking up at him, blasé, a slight smile curving his lips, one arm behind his head while Severus slid into him. With his other hand, he patted Severus's hip.

"Come on, move," he whispered, "or we'll be here until tomorrow."

"I want to be here with you until tomorrow and all the days after tomorrow," Severus whispered breathlessly, not caring how sentimental the words sounded.

Marius laughed and dragged his arm from underneath his head, placing both hands on Severus's hips and tugging lightly.

"Move, for Merlin's sake!"

Severus moved, hardly believing that he was experiencing this intimacy or that he was so much in love. Neither could he believe that he could be loved and appreciated for himself. His belief turned out to be justified when he discovered that Marius was sleeping with him for the sake of glory.

Severus had noticed that his notes would go missing from time to time and turn up later in places he was sure he hadn't put them. Marius was rather messy, and Marius generously told Severus to blame him.

"I guess it wouldn't happen if I were as neat as you," he whispered into Severus's ear.

Severus felt that there were times when Marius seemed too nonchalant, even insincere, or simply not that interested in Severus.

"I'm sorry, but you know what it's like at this place, they make us work like dogs," he would say, "I don't know how I'd get through without you, my treasure."

He always called Severus "my treasure".

And finally, Severus discovered the Potions journal. He was glancing through it when a large article caught his attention. His eyes widened as they recognised every word; and the only person who had access to the notes besides he himself was Marius. Severus did not like to share things with anyone, especially not his notes. He had only lent them to Marius. It made sense. Marius's repeated questions concerning the brewing of potions, his borrowing of Severus's notes (obviously behind his back as well), or talking to Severus about a Potions-related topic after sex, when Severus was sleepy and enjoyed being held in Marius's arms. Severus closed the journal, his eyes stinging, fury gushing through his body. He waited for Marius to come back, and when he did, Severus confronted him without delay.

"What is this?" he hissed, slamming the journal against Marius's chest. "How come my notes and reports are repeated verbatim in this journal?"

Marius shrugged.

"Well, you were bound to find out sooner or later. I was sort of waiting for that moment," he said in a cool casual voice.

Skinny nineteen-year-old Severus Snape searched frantically for the love he knew as he stared into Marius's grey eyes.

"Did you think anyone could possibly fancy someone like you? Go get a mirror and look at yourself!"

The words hurt Severus so deeply that he could not speak immediately; but his eyes burnt with such rage that Marius dropped his gaze for a moment.

"You used me," he whispered, recovering his voice, "you never...loved me…or liked me. I was never your treasure…just your treasure trove!"

"What did you expect? I am going to Obliviate you now, Severus," Marius said, making the fatal error of telling Severus what he was going to do.

Levicorpus! Severus thought; and Marius was hoisted up into the air with a surprised shout, dangling upside-down, his wand falling out of his hand onto the floor. Severus performed another spell, making Marius drop unconscious onto his bed; then he fetched the Potions Mistress of the school. Marius was moved out of the room that very evening, and in another week, he was expelled.

That first night without Marius, Severus had stood next to his bed, hands curled to fists, tears pouring down his face, shoulders vibrating with sobs; and Marius's empty bed had been there. Severus had dropped onto his knees, burying his face into the sheets, breathing in Marius's scent. Marius had never made love to him in that bed, or in Severus's. He had only fucked him. Severus had seized Marius's pillow and torn at it until it had given way, feathers spilling over and around him like his fragmented hopes and dreams…

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Severus slammed the photograph into the drawer violently and stalked out of his rooms to walk in the grounds. Love, he thought bitterly, was something to hate. He looked at his watch. Harry Potter was due for his duelling lesson in another twenty minutes.

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