Rated M

New Beginning: The Same Refrain

Chapter 30

Severus brewed a simple blood replenishing potion putting a the date on the vials he had prepared and slid them to the back of a small shelve over his head. He began putting away the ingredients and stopped to look back at the wooden work table frowning.

Hurrying to his ingredients cabinet he pulled out several small jars, pulled out his wand and began heating the cauldrons again. He worked quickly, occasionally glancing at the clock wondering how Poppy was handling Tobias, and completed the potions he would put back in case he had a need.

Hours passed before his was done. His back screamed from leaning of the table with out taking a break, and his legs ached. He leaned his arms on the table and hung his head, closing his eyes and wanting this to be over. He dreaded what he would have to do. If the potions failed, or proved a success he would lose her. She would be sent back to her world until the Dark Lord was defeated and Lucius was no longer a threat.

He lifted his head and straightened up. He needed to tell Albus that he was ready for the Philosophers' Stone that he needed to infuse into the potion. He pulled out his wand and sent his Patronus, wanting to hurry to the infirmary.

Tobias was sleeping when he arrived. Looking small and pale on the bed the boy lay curled on his side, his face streaked with dry tears and his chest still heaving with small sobs. Hannah sat on the chair, which she had pulled close to the bed to enable her to lay her head down next to her son. She heard Severus footfalls and looked up as he came close.

He looked at her face and wanted to leave her, to walk away and not see the pain. Instead, he pulled her up and held her, laying his cheek on her head and closing his eyes, listening as she sobbed.

"He hurt." She sobbed into his chest, fisting his robes as if she wanted to stop him from running. "Poppy tried, but he still hurt."

"You promised me not to be here."

"I sat in the hall." She looked up to see him scowl. "I didn't watch, but I could hear him. He called me."

"It is over now, we will not have to do this again."

"Have you eaten? You look awful." She lay her hand on his cheek.

"I am fine." He smirked. "I need to sleep. Someone kept me up late last night Madam."

"I didn't hear you complaining then." She tried to smile.

"No, but if I do not sleep soon I will not be able to finish the potion in the morning."

"Do you still think it will work?"

"Yes."

"You have tested it?"

"No." He saw her face change and felt her stiffen. "It is a simple potion, I am only modifying it. Hannah, if it does not work it can not be worse then it is."

"Poppy said he will sleep until morning, and she gave me this." She held up her hand to show him the bracelet she wore. "She said it would warm if he wakes."

He frowned at her not knowing where this was going.

"Severus? Will you make love to me?" Tears started to run down her face as she looked at him. "I feel like I am dieing with him. I need you to…"

His mouth covered hers before she could finish her words. She sobbed into him as her arms reached around his neck and she felt herself picked up and carried to the dungeons. She needed someone close, someone to take her pain and let it go. She hid her face in his neck and continued to cry until he set her down on this bed and began to remove his clothes. Then grabbing his wand he divested her clothing and turning it towards himself, divested his.

He took her quickly, not waiting to stroke her, to kiss her, to feel her wetness. He needed her around him as badly as she needed him in her. They came together with a desperation that come from months of pulling back and of hiding their feelings

He thrust into her warmth hard, and pushed as deep as he could until he found bottom, then pulled out and rammed into her again. He pulled her chin toward him and demanded that she look at him. He felt her push back, to meet his stroke then he felt her shock, and her pull back, when he went too deep, as he painfully sought more. He held her hands under his, over her head, not allowing her to pull him down to her, and when his release came, and with it hers, he saw her eyes locked on his and knew this was the last time he would know her.

He rolled off her and sat on the side of the bed, his elbows on his knees and this head in his hands.

"You are sending me back." She sat up and wrapped the sheet around herself. "That wasn't how you make love. That was just a fuck."

He stood and walked to his clothes without answering her.

"You bastard," she hissed at him. "Look at me."

He picked up his clothes and walked to the shower without looking back, and without saying a word. He closed the door and leaned back against the hard wooden surface. Tobias would take his potion in the morning, by noon he would be gone. If he could remember the prayers to his fathers god he would have said one now. He thought of the young girl dressed in white holding her silver beads and wished he could find her innocence now.

He stepped into the shower and turned it on as hot as he could stand. Resting his hands against the cooler tiles he let the hot water run down his back and ease the muscles that wanted to cramp and bunch together as he fought his anger. He would dress and return to the lab, he would brew the potion and let her go.

As he left the shower Hannah stood and faced him. "Talk to me, just tell me why?"

He picked up the robes and slipped his arms into the sleeves showing no indication that he heard her. She stood in front of him and pushed her hand to his chest.

"Damn it Severus, talk to me." She pressed her lips together and glared at him. " You love me, at least you care for me, I know that. Talk to me please."

"I told you in your home in Spinners End that this would be only for the boy." He sneered at her. "I told you it would mean nothing more."

"It is more, the last two nights show that it was more."

"The last two nights I fucked you." He sneered at her and adjusted the robes to hang straight on his shoulders.

Her hand flew to his face, knocking his head to the side and bringing blood to his lip. He slowly turned back to her, locking his eyes on hers, accepting her anger, he nodded and walked away.

He would stop thinking of her. He would go the Dark Lord and pretend to follow Lucius' every word. This was the oath he had agreed to years ago, and this was the one he had gave to protect the witch. He walked to the lab hoping the stone would be brought and the potion completed at once.

Hannah pulled the robe tighter and ran to her room to dress and go to the infirmary. She sat at her vanity to comb her hair and looked at the face that stared back. She was no longer the young girl he had first taken under the coaster, nor the young woman that had given herself to him at Spinners End all those years ago. She looked at her swollen eyes, and knew she was no longer pretty, and could no longer could turn heads as she walked by.

She knew that in this world she was called a Muggle, and by virtue of her birth foreign and unwanted by many. She picked up a jar of hand lotion and threw it at the mirror, watching as the glass shattered and fall in sparkling shards. She stood up to walk to the infirmary stopping to lean against the door before leaving his quarters and knowing that it may be for the last time.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and lifting her chin she stepped into the hallway and started the walk up to the higher levels of Hogwarts. She would not go like this, she thought to her self. Damn him to hell, and her with him, but she would make him talk to her.

"Madame?" She heard and turned around quickly to see a large man looking down at her.

"Who…" She stepped back from him, seeking a way to run.

"Ah, now," he said. "I shouldn't have come up on you like that."

She did not find any fear in the man and tried to smile up at him. "I am sorry, I thought I was alone. You startled me."

"I am looking for Professor Snape. I have a delivery to make." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small object wrapped in a piece of fabric.

"Umm, I think he is in his lab. Did not want me to take it to him?" She reached out her hand.

"No one is to touch this but me." He frowned and scratched his beard. "Can't tell you about it either."

"Well, he is in the lab. I can take you there."

"I know the way." He stood up straight and puffed up his chest. "Name is Rubeus. Rubeus Hagrid, Grounds Keeper for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at your service."

"Mr Hagrid, I am Hannah Hay…"

"Ahh, now. I know who you are. You are the mother of that little boy." He grinned and nodded his massive head. "Millie brings him down to see me sometimes. Cute little thing he is."

"Thank you, Mr Hagrid."

"Just Hagrid, I aren't no Mr." He frowned and looked around. "I got this here thing for the Professor. I need to hurry."

"Sure, I am sorry to have stopped you Hagrid." She looked up and wrinkled her forehead, and stepped back to let him pass.

"Mum was a giant," he said kindly, seeing how she still gaped at him. "I don't mean no harm. You Muggles don't see much of us."

"Hagrid, I don't think we Muggles see anything of you." She wanted to laugh and felt the anger she had been holding fall away. "May I walk with you?"

"Why I would like that." He looked at her and shoved the package back in his pocket, patting it down and holding his hand over it. "Lot's of magic in that."

They walked together, Hannah looking up and smiling, as Hagrid talked of dragons and unicorns and the latest influx of ibex toad. When they reached the lab, and Hagrid reached for the door as she stepped back chewing on her lip.

"He is a good one, Snape is." Hagrid looked down to see her worry her lip. "He tries to be harder then he is."

"Right!" She snorted a short laugh and looked back up at the gentle giant who opened the door and went into the lab.

She walked in behind him and stood near the door, stepping into the shadows. Hagrid walked to Severus and handed him the package, leaning down and reverently unwrapping it. She could not hear their soft whispered words but could read the tenseness in Severus' shoulders and the way he stood at the work table.

Severus reached up and took the vials he had prepared the night before, lining them up on the bench. Each small bottle had another empty one sitting beside it, and a small funnel stuck in each neck. He took the stone from Hagrid, rolling it in his palm and feeling the magic reach for him, trying to call him and wrapping around his own.

With only the slightest of hesitations, he placed the stone in one of the funnels and poured the potion from one vial over it, passing his hand over the flask as the liquid flowed over the stone and collected into the container below. He repeated the process until each empty vial was filled, and holding the stone once again in his hand turned to Hagrid.

"Tell the Headmaster I am done with it, and return it at once." He closed his hand over the stone, creating a fist and squeezing it tight. With a short laugh he tossed it to Hagrid and turned back to put the stoppers in the freshly filled bottles.

"Tell the Headmaster he was wrong." He smirked as he saw the treasure disappear into the giant's pocket. "Take the witch with you."

Hagrid looked around and saw Hannah still standing in the shadows by the door. He crossed the room and opened the door, holding his hand out to her.

"Best to do what he says."

"No, Hagrid. We need to talk." She looked at Severus' back still turned to her.

Hagrid shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I got to get this back to the Headmaster."

"Its been nice meeting you Hagrid." She smiled and patted his arm.

Once the door had closed behind him she walked over to where Severus stood putting the last cap on a vial.

"I won't go until you tell me why." She folded her arms as she stood watching him.

"This was our agreement." He turned to her and spoke slowly and coldly.

"Agreements can be changed." She locked her eyes on his and tried to be as cold as he.

"I once confessed my life to you. I should not have done that." He held up his hand as she began to talk. "I am sure you remember the night I speak of."

He turned back to the table and put his palms flat on the surface, leaning on his arms. "He is back. You are not safe here."

"I was not safe before, they came for me."

He turned on her and grabbed her shoulders. "You have a son now. Have you forgotten him?"

"They would have no reason…"

"You don't understand them, you don't know. The fact that he is a Muggle is enough to sign his death warrant. The fact that I have been with you is enough to sign yours."

He pushed her back from him as if he could not bear to touch her.

"It starts again. It will all be back as it was." He glared at her and ran his hand thru his hair. "I want you to leave."

"Will you come to me?" She whispered and lowered her head. "Like last time, will you come to me? I'll wait you know. I can stay in Spinn…"

"No," he said, and took two steps, grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. "Don't wait. Find someone who can give you what you want."

"I want you Severus. I have always just wanted you."

"What if this takes a year? Three years? What if it is another eight years before I can be with you again?"

"I can wait."

"Wait for who this time? Wait for a family you will be to old to have? Wait for someone else like you did…" He felt her hand strike his face again, and licked the blood from the corner of his lip.

"Bastard! You said none of that mattered."

" It does. I can't get it out of my mind that he is not mine."

"I know. I know you haven't forgiven me for your son. Don't you think I see it on your face every time you look at him?" Her eyes filled with tears as she raged at him.

"We never…" He looked at her, seeing her pain at his admission he stopped.

"Don't you think I see in the mirror everyday that I am no longer young. I am no longer what you want?" Her eyes filled with tears as she raged at him. "Do you think I am so stupid that I don't know how I must look to you? If that is it just say it, just tell me you don't want me anymore, tell me you don't love me, but don't leave it like this."

"My gods Hannah. You have not slept a full night in months, you have lost so much weight I worry for you?" He reached and ran the pad of his thumb over her lips. "I wouldn't care if you looked like a hag. I will love you no matter how old you are, and hope to see you when you are one hundred and see wrinkles around your eyes, and hear you snore as you sleep next to me."

"One hundred?" She smiled and took his hand to hold to her cheek. "Gods Severus, just don't push me away. Just leave it like this, thinking that some day I will see you."

He raised her chin to look into her face. "Hannah, you want more children and it can not be with me. If you want a family, a home, you can not wait."

"No Severus, don't," she said trying to breathe. "I have waited for you over half my life."

"Will you do something for me?" He asked turning her head up to him. "With no questions, not needing an explanation?"

He watched as she struggled with his request, knowing that what he asked would be hard for her. Then seeing her bite her lip and nod he turned and picked up one of the flasks he had just filled.

"Then drink this, and wait for me." He lifted the vial to her mouth and poured the shimmering liquid into her mouth.

"What.." She clamped her mouth shut and looked up at him.

"Hard?" He smirked at her.

"Yes." She spat out her answer knowing he was laughing at her. "I can't ask what I just drank?"

"No." He crossed his arms and looked at her.

"You want me to wait for you?"

She waited for his answer, tapped her foot, and finally saw him smirk. "Now you need to fix my son."

"Our son," he whispered as he pulled her to him and kissed her for what may be the last time. "Take care of him, and make him remember me."