CHAPTER 18

Severus Snape narrowed his eyes when he approached the staff table for breakfast. Marius Rivers was already there, eating a fried egg. Severus curled his lip and sat down, leaving a space of three empty chairs between himself and his former lover.
"Good morning, Severus," Marius greeted him cordially. Severus returned the greeting with the curtest of nods and helped himself to some breakfast. His eyes trailed over the House tables. The Gryffindor Quidditch team members had got up very early to train and were eating hungrily after their flying session. Severus noted that the Quidditch Captain, Harry Potter, was looking exhausted. He had circles around his eyes and his face was drawn. Severus was reminded of the "vision" which had flashed less than four hours ago. He had come to the conclusion that it had been caused by stress, or maybe he had even dozed off for a moment; but intuitively, he felt that these explanations were empty excuses.
Harry, in the meantime, was suffering from a bad headache and from the memory of a decidedly odd vision of Severus Snape reading a book and holding a mug in his hand. Harry recalled rocking back and forth on his bed, whispering for help in the darkness, hands clutching at his aching head, eyes staring straight ahead. And then he had seen it. The strangest and most unlikely "vision". He did not know what else to call it, besides "image" or even "dream"; but he was sure that he had been wide awake when he saw the Potions Master sitting on a sofa with that book and mug, the latter on its way to Severus's lips...He shook his head and focused on his food.
After breakfast, Harry slipped away from the table just as Hermione was going inside. Ron, who was the Quidditch Keeper, had nearly finished his breakfast. He shot her a quick glance, and his ears reddened. He began to toy around with a piece of bacon, as if searching for an excuse to remain behind at the table.
"Harry, you're looking-"
"I know, 'Mione," Harry said. "Ron and breakfast are waiting for you."
Hermione nodded, patted his cheek quickly and went inside the Great Hall. Harry sighed and turned, bumping into something solid.
"Sleepwalking, Potter?" Severus remarked acidly. The green eyes looked up at him, and Severus saw, with an uncharacteristic twinge of alarm, complete resignation in them, as if all the fight had gone out of the young man. The circles around his eyes were bluish-black, and the eyes themselves were reddened and their lids swollen, as if Harry had spent the better part of the night crying. Severus seemed to hear that frantic whispering again. He raised his hand and touched Harry's forehead briefly with a gentle hand. Harry stood still without shrinking from the touch, too tired to protest.
"No fever," Severus murmured to himself, "but something else..."
He stared into Harry's reddened eyes, but with no intention of using Legilimency.
Pain, he told himself, this is pain. Depression. He will not be able to defeat Voldemort like this...
"Harry Potter, I presume?" a musical voice said. Severus's mouth thinned as Marius approached Harry.
"Yes, sir."
They shook hands, Marius studying Harry's face intently.
You look like you need some Healing," he said, retaining Harry's hand in his. More like sexual healing, Severus thought sourly.
"The Headmaster has told me about the nature of your dreams, Harry – may I call you Harry?"
Severus flushed with rage. Was Marius Rivers, the cheat and liar, becoming Dumbledore's new confidant?
"Certainly, sir."
"You are teaching him Occlumency, Severus?"
"I am," Severus said icily.
Marius released Harry's hand and directed a steely look towards his new colleague.
"Aggressive Legilimency, Severus?"
"There is no time to be mild and ridiculously patient. The Dark Lord, as you can imagine, is not patient," Severus snarled.
Harry sensed the unpleasant tension between the two men and tried to beat a hasty retreat by excusing himself.
"Please wait a moment, Harry," Marius said, touching him lightly on the shoulder.
"Legilimency is always invasive and always aggressive," Severus observed.
"My teacher was very gentle with me at first, Severus."
"Are you telling me how to teach?" Severus hissed, enraged at how cleverly Marius was trying to win Harry's sympathy.
"How destructive you have become, Severus, destroying everything and everyone around you." Severus wanted to hit Marius across the face, and his hand actually twitched. Marius was doing a wonderful job of opposing Severus and belittling him in front of the youth who hated him. But to the surprise of both men, a calm voice said:
"Professor Snape has saved my life more than once, sir, and Professor Dumbledore trusts him. The whole school trusts him."
Severus's eyes widened a fraction, and he met Harry's green gaze. And you, do you trust me? he wondered.
Marius Rivers was silent for a few moments.

"You must both know what you are doing," he said finally, "but feel free to visit my office if the pain should become too much, Harry."

"I am sure the Headmaster knows what he's doing," Harry answered tersely.

He was not sure whether he could trust Professor Marius Rivers. The man seemed to want something. He reminded him of Ludo Bagman who had wanted to help Harry during the Triwizard Tournament – not for Harry's sake, but for his, Ludo's, own gain. Harry had the impression that Marius was actually bullying Severus, however much of a bully Severus Snape himself was; in this case, Harry felt that Marius's behaviour was patronising and unjustified. In the meantime, Harry's cool tone did not escape Marius; he nodded at Harry and Severus and left them. Both were silent, Harry wondering when Marius and Severus had met, since they obviously knew each other, and Severus wondering why Harry had actually defended him instead of gloating. The young wizard obviously had an opinion of his own, contrary to what Severus had always thought of him.

"Sir," Harry said in low haunted voice, "when you touched my forehead, you said that there was something…"

Severus looked back at him with hooded eyes.

"Nothing. There is nothing. Nothing you cannot block out with Occlumency."

"And if you taught me Legilimency first, sir, would I learn Occlumency more quickly?"

Severus laughed softly.

"You are interested in invading minds, Potter? Oh, you can invade a mind, Potter, and make a person go insane if the invasion is extremely brutal and done without sophistication. You can also go mad yourself, Potter. You don't know about the things some people have seen…"

"Would I go insane if I were to see what you have seen, sir?"

"No doubt, unless you have a very strong will. Even then, a strong will can turn against itself, and the consequences are mostly devastating. Legilimency, Potter, is even more difficult than Occlumency because it is extremely intimate. Legilimency – without your consent – is supposed to make you feel…exposed…vulnerable…mortified…insane…" Severus's voice dropped to an ominous whisper. Harry rubbed his forearms as if he was feeling cold.

"You, Potter, do not possess the subtlety or sophistication to learn Legilimency. Or Occlumency, for that matter. But, as you pointed out, the Headmaster knows what he is doing."

Severus whisked away. Harry leant against the wall, closing his eyes, which were prickling with tears of hopelessness. He went back to Gryffindor Tower to brush his teeth and wash his face. He lay down in bed for a little while; afterwards, he would do his homework, and in the evening, he had his Legilimency-learning session in the Room of Requirement; but somehow he felt that this was not an art they could learn without a capable Legilimens. Even Hermione's brilliance would not be of any use in this case, even if she insisted on learning about Legilimency rather than on mastering the art itself. When he despondently walked down the stairs, absent-mindedly hearing a sound as if people were celebrating, a huge smile relieved the solemn expression on his face. Hermione and Ron were kissing like there was no tomorrow. All the students who were in the common room were clapping and whistling.

"At last!" he exclaimed. Hermione and Ron turned their faces, flushed and glowing with happiness. Ginny giggled.

"They were bickering as usual, and Ron suddenly kissed her. Just like that." She made a smacking sound with her fists. Harry laughed. He went to his friends and hugged them.

"I was waiting," he murmured to them. They both ruffled his hair and hugged him back. It was only natural that any lessons in any Rooms of Requirements were forgotten; instead, Ron and Hermione went out into the grounds in the evening for a walk while Harry finished all his homework so he could enjoy a chore-free Sunday.

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Severus looked up irritably as someone knocked on the door of his private quarters. No one, with the exception of the Headmaster, ever came to see him. He consulted a mirror-like object on his table. With a sneer, he strode over to the door and opened it.

"Rivers," he said.

"What happened to 'Marius'?" the grey-eyed wizard wanted to know.

"He got lost in a past which I do not care for in the least."

"May I come inside?"

"You may not."

Marius laughed.

"You always had the ability to be exquisitely rude to people, my treasure."

"Do not call me by that name!" Severus hissed, trying to slam the door closed. Marius blocked it with his arm.

"Please. We need to talk."

Severus glared at him, then stepped back from the door.

"Don't waste my time, Rivers, and keep it short."

"I owe you an explanation for what happened at Potions school," Marius said, closing the door behind him.

Severus made a mocking gesture with his hand, prompting Marius to continue.

"My parents were threatening to cut me off, to stop supporting me financially if my marks didn't improve; worse, they told me that I was lucky that they were not disowning me. They were ashamed of having a gay son. I wanted to become a Healer; they wanted me to obtain my Potions Mastery, otherwise they would cut off all ties with me. I was desperate. I didn't want to lose my family, and I knew that you'd never let me publish your notes even if I asked you-"

"So that is your explanation?" Severus said softly, approaching Marius. His tone was gentle. Marius looked relieved.

"Yes, Severus. Do you think you can forgive me after all these years?"

Severus laughed. Marius's face tensed.

"Forgive you? After such an absurd explanation? Did your parents ask you or use the Imperius Curse on you that you decided to sleep with me? In the end, you did choose the career you wanted, did you not? The truth is that you did not trust me. You exploited me. You treated me like a plaything. Tell me, Rivers…" Severus came even closer to Marius, "how did your parents react when they realised that you like to take it up the ass?"

Marius's cheeks became stained with crimson.

"Don't talk to me like that, Snape," he warned Severus, making himself taller by stretching his back; but Severus simply laughed contemptuously.

"Marius Rivers, you are a pathetic coward."

Marius's grey eyes flashed.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," Severus replied, "and now, kindly get out of my rooms, Rivers."

Marius stepped towards Severus. Their noses nearly touched.

"You don't seem to have forgotten about me although it has been quite some time since we last saw each other. About twenty years. Tell me, Severus, did you miss me?"

"I never bothered to waste a thought on you, Rivers. You were always appallingly conceited. You seem to think that the world revolves around you."

"Liar," Marius said softly, "now who is pathetic?"

The two wizards glared at each other until Severus repeated:

"Get out of my rooms."

Marius stepped back with a short laugh.

"You missed me. I bet you missed me…inside you…if you know what I mean…"

"Spare me your crude innuendos and get out," Severus ordered coldly, seizing the other man's arm and pushing him roughly towards the door. Marius freed his arm.

"I can manage on my own."

"Really? You had to resort to lies and theft twenty years ago, and you had to seek asylum over here."

"People can manage on their own if they know when to ask for help," Marius answered.

"Do you want me to hex you out of my quarters, Rivers?"

"That won't be necessary," Marius said cordially; he opened the door and strolled away, humming. Severus ground his teeth and slammed the door closed with such force that the room echoed.

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