Can two people in love endure difficult circumstances that might jeopardize their relationship? Will their love be enough to get through it? Find out how this develops for Robin and Regina.
This story happens in 'Timing' verse while Robin and Regina are still married.
Angsty. So, if you want to get the happy ending just take a look at 'Timing'.
Special thanks to the amazing QueenOfTheMM for editing this!
Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!
Written for Day 1 (Friday) of OQ Angst Fest-2018
Prompts used: N° 3: I thought you loved me; N° 25: Are you even listening to me?; N° 29: I didn't mean it like that, and you know it; N° 31: It's like I don't know you anymore; N° 50: I said I love you, and I meant it.
When love isn't enough - PART 1
Regina Mills has a time bomb ticking inside her …one that's about to explode at any moment and would lead to life-changing decisions for her husband, her children and herself.
It has been a long time since Regina felt whole, complete …and, well, yes, happy.
The way she's been feeling during the last months isn't because she doesn't love her family. She loves Robin and each of her children with all her heart and soul, and there's nothing she won't do for them. So, this isn't about lack of love.
It's about her relationship with herself. It's about the choices she once made and how things turned out to be for her.
For some time now Regina has been in a bad mood, complaining more often than not about her daily routine, and maybe it's because her life has become just that, a routine, a series of activities she performs on a day-to-day basis without much thinking. Every day, when she wakes up she knows the day will be just the same as the day before, or even the week before, and there'll be no room for any surprise or last minute plans that would add a little spice to her life.
Each day in her life has become so predictable …and busy, with no time left to engage in any activity just for her enjoyment or personal satisfaction or to finally re-start her career as a lawyer. It's always the same: get up, prepare breakfast, lunch boxes, wake up the kids, drive them to school, do some cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, pick up the children from school (sometimes at different times because the three of them have various needs, activities, and schedules), supervise homework, rush the children for bath time and dinner, and check they all go to bed by 9:00 pm, herself included, because by that time she is exhausted.
The feeling that there's something missing has been with her for months and she has understood for a while that what's standing in the way of her happiness is the sense of being stuck in the same place, unable to move on from where she is, the impression that there is something unfinished, incomplete in her life. And it just so happens she is very well aware of what's missing: her professional fulfillment.
She dreamt all her life about having a career, of becoming a lawyer, of representing her clients in court, of winning cases and bringing people justice. But she never had the opportunity because as soon as she finished law school and obtained her first job, she found out she was pregnant, got married, and had to quit her job to take care of her baby. Her plans to return to work never happened, because she got pregnant with her second and third child, really quick.
Eleven years have passed since the first time she made a choice between her family and her career, and she is now a 34 years woman married to a successful engineer and mom of 3 beautiful children, Lila, Henry and Roland, but unsatisfied with what her life has become.
She has worked on herself and on the emotions that don't allow her to be happy for some time now, and she knows this discontent doesn't come from any regrets for having chosen, at some point, her family over her career because not once she has thought about how her life would have been without them. This dissatisfaction is a result of her remorse for having thought she needed to make a choice, and after all this time she is certain she would have found a way to have both, her family and her career. The fact that she opted for one over the other is killing her.
Thoughts of the choice she once made come from time to time to fill her mind with hundreds of what ifs about how her life would have been if she hadn't quit her job when Lila, her daughter, was born. She tortures herself thinking in all the scenarios her life could have turned out to be.
However, and since Regina Mills doesn't do things halfway, it doesn't make any difference that being a full day (and night) mom isn't what she wanted for her life. She commits with all her heart and soul to her job, taking care of her children with absolute dedication and making sure they realize that they are loved and taken care of . She is proud of everything they do, it doesn't matter if it's a minor fulfillment or the most significant achievement. She reassures and supports them, voicing how well they've done and how proud their parents are. So, she can say she's doing her job right!
She doesn't want her children to suffer the way she did, as a child, with her mother, trying to be the perfect daughter and hearing her mother complaining about how she could have done things better. For her mother, it was never enough …well, to be honest, as an adult, she, still, has to endure the cruel remarks her mother constantly makes regarding her life choices, but, at least, now she has better resources to deal with it.
Marriage is about two people, and if one isn't happy, everything the other does is pointless. So, Regina and Robin's marriage is paying the price of Regina's feelings of emptiness and unhappiness.
They've been married for eleven years now, and Regina knows very well that she is in love with her husband. She is sure about Robin's feelings towards her; she is certain Robin loves her madly, and there's nothing he wouldn't do to make her happy. But, also, Regina is very much aware that it's not about what her husband can do to make her happy …this is entirely about what she can do.
She knows the spark is still there, even though it hasn't been lit lately in the bedroom. And, in fact, Regina can't remember the last time she had sex with her husband. Six months ago? Maybe more?
Initially, she wasn't concerned about her diminished or, more accurately, non-existent sexual drive. The good Dr. Hooper, a therapist she has known since Roland, the youngest of her children, was born and had helped her with some issues, had assured her that the lack of sexual desire is a phase in some marriages. Moreover, when there are three kids to take care of, mostly by herself, because her husband is away half of the week supervising construction projects his company develops in other cities.
She finishes most of her days exhausted, and it's not that Lila, Henry and Roland are babies that she still has those sleepless nights because she doesn't. But the logistics to provide each of them of regular, extracurricular and recreational activities, special needs sessions and medical appointments, plus taking care of the house by herself, is draining her energy.
So, after hearing Dr. Hooper she thought this stage would be over, and that in a brief time she and Robin could retake their sexual life. However, it hasn't worked that way, and she knows it's because of the way they've been interacting as a couple.
Things have been tough between Robin and Regina since last year. She has a bad temper and has been irritable towards her husband. It seems everything Robin does, bothers her. When he offers help she minimizes his efforts; and, any time she can, she points out how he misses some of the children's achievements because of his frequent business trips. And Robin is a patient man, but he's not a saint either, so he's not tolerating very well Regina's temper. Therefore, the Locksley's home has been filled more often than not with acrimony, reproaches, complaints and intolerance, and that's exactly the reason why their sex life is nonexistent for some time now. For Regina sex is something she gives in completely with her heart, soul, and body; and, if she and Robin are not doing well because she's unhappy, she can't engage in sex. It doesn't matter if it is with her husband.
And, as if things weren't bad enough in the bedroom, she is tired of listening to other people's success stories when she's just a housewife, not by choice, but because of bad timing. If it had been the one life she'd wanted for her, it would have been different, she would not have the constant feeling that there's something unfinished in her life, something that she needs to feel whole again.
Regina has no problem with the fact that some women seek their happiness and find their sense in life, by raising their children and being full-time moms, and these women have her utmost respect. She knows it's not an easy job! But this is not her case, she always wanted the complete cake, and she knows she only got half of it, and needs to go for the missing half.
Regina has witnessed her friends forge their professional paths, and, in one way or another, are already successful and recognized professionals in their fields of practice.
And Robin, her husband, a civil engineer specialized in structural engineering, owns a company in association with John, one of his best friends and an engineer as well, where he develops complex construction projects and has built a reputation that has granted him to be one of the most sought after engineers in the field. His clients don't dare to put a brick if Robin hasn't made the calculations and doesn't supervise the whole construction process.
Regina is happy about her husband and friends' professional success. She truly is. She knows all of them worked their asses off for their careers and sacrificed at a certain level their personal lives. She knows some of them have other issues she even doesn't have to worry about. Emma, for instance, thinks she is too old to have her own child, and Mary Margaret keeps torturing herself trying to find the one, her true love, and tells Regina how lucky she is for having found Robin every chance she gets.
But other people's feelings of emptiness don't make things easier for her because, at the end of the day, Regina still thinks they all made the right choices, and she didn't. Her friend's success stories are a reminder of what she could have had.
And that's precisely why Regina has been avoiding her friends recently. She can't bear listening, one more time, how Emma got her job at the District Attorney's Office; or hear to Mary Margaret's complaints about her hard work as vice-principal of one of the most recognized (and expensive) private schools; or if Ruby should accept the offer she has received to franchise "Granny's" to other cities.
Discontent, unhappiness, regret, boredom, exhaustion, sexual frustration, guilt ….the perfect storm is coming.
"Robin, not today. I'm …I'm not in the mood" says Regina pulling up the straps of her nightgown as soon as Robin finishes pulling them down "Tomorrow I'll have to be up early. Roland has karate class at 9:00am and I'll have to drive him all the way to the class…"
"You could just make him skip tomorrow's class" replies Robin as he kisses Regina's bare shoulder.
"I can't. You weren't there when Dr. Ashley said it was important that Roland doesn't skip any class …It helps him focus better in school, you know …I'm the one struggling to have his homework done."
Robin looks away, takes a deep breath and adds "You're never in the mood, Regina. Not anymore ." He takes Regina's chin with his fingers, lifting it slowly so that she has to look at him "Look at me, Regina. What is this about? I'm not stupid. Last week the excuse was Lila's dentist appointment; and, before that Henry's writing workshop; and the previous week, that you were wrapping some present for a birthday party. There's always an excuse for not having sex. Are you rejecting me? Because that's exactly how it feels."
"It's nothing, Robin. I'm …I'm just tired. I don't have a single day off for God's sake! Can't you understand that?"
"This is bullshit, Regina! You are so different. You are constantly complaining about the house, the kids, about how much you do and how little I help. It's like I don't even know you anymore. You used to be carefree and not make an issue about everything!" answers Robin as he takes away the sheets to get out of bed.
Regina just follows Robin's movements with her eyes and waits some seconds before she answers "Haven't you thought that maybe it might be that I'm no longer the person you married? Haven't you even once stopped to think about how do I feel? That perhaps I wanted that my life would have been different and that it might be I'm not happy."
"What do you mean, Regina? Aren't you happy? Is this about us? Don't you love me anymore?" Robin asks, turning to look at Regina, only to find her sitting on the bed with teary eyes and staring nowhere.
Regina doesn't answer. She takes her time. She didn't mean having this conversation with Robin in that precise moment; in fact, she never thought to open up to him with these issues. She doesn't want to hurt him, but she mentioned she wanted something else in her life, and is certain Robin won't drop the subject without addressing it.
"Regina, are you even listening to me? You can't just say that you wished your life were different and pretend you said nothing."
"Robin, I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I …I don't know. I know I love you and the children. You are the most important things in my life…" she finally answers, yet she hears Robin interrupting her before she can finish the sentence "But? ...but what Regina?"
Here it goes.
"I …I feel incomplete. It's difficult to explain."
"Incomplete? I …I don't understand, Regina. Don't I make you happy?" asks Robin again, sitting on the bed by her side and holding his head with his hands. He doesn't want her to look at him. She knows that.
Regina takes Robin hands in hers, tries to catch his gaze, but he doesn't look at her. She begins speaking slowly as if trying to make sure he doesn't miss a word she says "Yes, Robin, you do. And that's exactly the point because this is about me and what have I done to make myself happy, and I haven't done shit. I …I think I might need some space, I need to work some issues…"
Robin abruptly gets up from the bed; he looks at her and his eyes can't hide his fear, shock and hurt for what she just told him.
"Don't fuck with me, Regina! What are we? High school sweethearts? Don't come to me with the I need space shit. After eleven, ELEVEN years married, Regina, you tell me out of nowhere that you need space? Which issues you need to work on, that I can't work with you?"
Robin has raised his voice and just after he finishes talking they hear through the door Roland's voice asking "Mom, Dad what's happening? Is everything okay?"
She looks at Robin, puts her finger on her mouth telling him to be silent. They don't need to frighten the kids. She opens the door and takes Roland in her arms whispering to him "Everything is fine, Roland. Your daddy and I just had some different opinion over some grown-up stuff," and as soon as she finishes she feels Robin's hand on her shoulder and hears him say "Yes, buddy. Everything's okay. Go to bed and sorry if we woke you up."
They both keep standing by the door of their bedroom watching their seven-year-old son walk to his, with sloppy sleepy steps, carrying in one hand his stuffed monkey. As soon as he gets into his bedroom, Robin and Regina step into theirs and shut the door.
Regina looks at Robin and begins to talk "Robin, I …I'm sorry."
"Do you care to explain, Regina? I thought you loved me."
"I said I love you, and I meant it. Please, don't' doubt me on this, Robin …and …uhm …I … I didn't mean to sound as if I don't want you or the children in my life …I … I don't know what's happening to me ….I'm …I'm so tired of everything being the same for me."
"Come here babe; we'll get over this …whatever's bothering you, we'll deal with it together," says Robin as he takes Regina in his arms and holds her.
Robin tries and tries hard.
However, everything he does so Regina can feel less overwhelmed doesn't seem to work. He is a patient man; he loves his wife. He does, but everything has its limits, even his love for his wife, and he's about to discover it.
It's been already almost a month since Regina dropped a bomb with her unhappiness and needing some space issues, and still, they haven't talked openly about it. It's just a topic they don't discuss, even though Robin has taken matters into his own hands waiting for the right time.
Robin decides he won't be going away on any business trip for a while and asks John to go in his behalf, at least, until he can sort out things with Regina.
He spends more time at home helping Regina with the routine chores and with the children, yet for Regina, it seems he repeatedly leaves behind something halfway through.
He encourages Regina several times to take some time for herself, and it appears it does more harm than good because those times Regina took lunch with some of her friends, she returned home in a bad mood, grumpy and definitely upset about something.
Robin tries to retrieve what they once had, so he takes her out for dinner more often, and it seems they both enjoy those moments. He tries to do his best and arranges an elegant suite for the weekend, outside the city, to surprise Regina, thinking something different from her daily routine would add some spice and maybe they would reconnect in the intimate level. He wants to surprise her, show her that she is the most significant person in his life, and that he will not cease in his efforts to make her feel happy, wanted and loved.
Robin even takes care of all the arrangements so that they could spend the weekend away from the kids, but the one surprised is him when Regina turns down his plans because apparently he didn't notice it was during Talent Show weekend and Lila and Henry will perform on both Friday and Saturday nights. So not only does Regina dismisses Robin's efforts, she overreacts, getting furious at him because he didn't check in advance the dates with her, and his good intentions finish in a bitter argument.
Everything falls apart from that point month receiving one blow after another is too much for Robin. He's only a human after all.
Robin is hurt, terribly hurt. He resents and shuts down, and the worst part is he feels Regina doesn't mind at all or maybe doesn't even realize how in pain he is.
But, life goes on. Robin has work to do; he can't just throw away opportunities with potential clients that would benefit his family, and he decides to retake his business trips thinking that Regina might really need some space and maybe the two or three days a week he is away can provide her the space she's urgently claiming for.
Robin doesn't imagine that those circumstances are, on the contrary, a breeding ground for Regina's breakdown …or his own.
Their marriage has become a house of cards. One word out of place, one wrong move, one single misunderstanding and it will collapse …and they both will find out this will happen sooner than they think.
TO BE CONTINUED...