This is Part 2 and conclusion to 'When love isn't enough'
Find out how Robin and Regina decide to sort out the issues that had been affecting their marriage for some time. Will the choice they make be their biggest mistake or they'll get through it stronger than ever?
Written for Day2 OQ Angst Fest 2018.
Prompts used: N° 7: I never meant to hurt you; N° 30: You want a divorce?
Special thanks to QueenOfTheMM for editing this!
Please, let me know what you think. Reviews are always appreciated.
When love isn't enough - Part 2
For some weeks life is just the same as it was during the previous months: Robin, alternating between work in other cities and days at home with his wife and children. Regina, taking care of the kids and the house.
Robin and Regina try. Each in their own way and with what they think it's the best. So, when Robin asks Regina if she wants to go to John's birthday party, she agrees …and that will be the last straw. There will be no turning back.
"Regina, what happened? Tonight something was off with you at John's party. You barely spoke or smiled at our friends and not even engaged once in a conversation with any of them. You're shutting down everyone who cares about you. You know, these people aren't the ones to blame for your issues," says Robin as he drives home from John's birthday party.
Bad move.
"Robin, I don't want to talk about it. I just wasn't in the mood…" begins answering Regina.
"You're never in the mood for anything, Regina. Not for sex. Not to go out with me. Not even to talk to your friends. You know, I've tried to be by your side, to make you feel better and you just don't let me in. I'm tired, Regina."
Another bad move and one that Regina won't ignore.
"You've been by my side? For how long? One month, five, maybe, six weeks? And what about before, Robin? Where were you when Lila broke an arm and I had to rush to the hospital and had no one to look after Henry and Roland? Or when Roland suffered from that fever and was puking his guts out, and I had to call an ambulance in the middle of the night to take him to the hospital? Or when Dr. Ashley diagnosed Roland with ADHD and I felt the world falling apart? Or each time I had an appointment at school because of Roland's behavior? Where were you when Henry had his appendix removed and was afraid of surgery? It seems I've been on my own more time than you can remember, so please don't you dare to go there!"
Shit!
Robin is angry and hurt. He regrets having missed important moments in his wife and children's life when they definitely have needed him, and Regina's words feel like a low blow.
"Don't be cruel, Regina! Where was I? I was working my ass off to provide for you and the children, to pay for the mortgage on the house we live in. You wanted a big house in a nice area …well, it happens it's insanely expensive. And, what about the children's activities and other needs? Tennis, ballet, karate, music lessons, Dr. Ashley, Dr. Hooper, the insurance, the cars, the summer camps …shit Regina, someone has to pay those bills, and I do it happily but don't you dare throw this back in my face!"
Robin's words shock Regina in the worst way. Besides being the truth, those words hit her where it hurts the most.
"What do you mean with this? That I am a burden for you? Because one thing I do assure you, this is not the life I wanted, Robin."
Robin turns to look at her and continues "So, this is about the other day. Your unhappy, incomplete and miserable life."
"That's exactly the point. It seems you just figured it out. Congratulations."
It appears this conversation is bringing the worst of each other, and none of them will cease to stop hurting the other one.
"Well, I'm sorry if our marriage wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. And let me tell you, it is the same for me, Regina. Do you think I'm happy being away from my family half the time? Do you think I feel complete and satisfied with our marriage? A marriage in which I'm incapable to wake up any desire in my wife so that we can have a normal sex life. Do you think that's what I wanted my life to be? Or that I have to witness how you shut down from the world? Well, I never pictured our common life to turn out to be like that!"
"But do you know, Regina, what the difference is between you and me?" asks Robin as he continues driving turning to look at her. "The difference, Regina, is that I am very much aware this is the real life, this isn't a fucking fairy tale, like the ones that fill the head of little girls living in a bubble, and that expect marriage to be about perfect husbands and wives with perfect children. Welcome to real life, Regina, where marriage is about real shit also: lack of money, responsibilities, tough choices, sickness, sacrifice, and three children with their own issues, and one of them that needs a lot of support to go through school. So, I'm really sorry if you feel miserable. This isn't about you anymore, it's about five people. And when kids are part of the equation it doesn't really matter what you or I want. It's about what it's better for them. I tried giving you everything to make you happy with the best of my abilities. I guess I failed."
Regina listens in absolute astonishment, and tears begin to fall because she knows what Robin says is true …that's exactly why it took so long to recognize what was happening to her. She just woke up every day, put her issues aside, and continued with her life ….until one day she just couldn't do it anymore.
"You are right in everything you just said, Robin. I have lived with it each day of the past eleven years so, please, don't you fucking lecture me about marriage," says Regina. She speaks calmly, even though Robin knows she's crying and that she must be furious because he knows it infuriates her when he uses her name repeatedly in an argument, just as he did intentionally. She doesn't look at Robin, she continues staring through the window of the passenger seat, and then she says the words that would change everything.
"Maybe I …I'm not sure if I want to be married anymore, Robin."
Robin suddenly feels nauseous and he is sure that if he were standing his knees would have bent, and he would be lying on the floor. He needs to stop the car; he can't even press the brake pedal, but he manages to park on one side of the street.
"Are you fucking kidding me? What do you mean? Do you want a divorce?"
Regina is crying, looking at the lights of the cars passing by in the street as she starts talking between sobs "I …I don't know if I want a divorce, but …uhm …I …I do need some space. I told you that already ."
Regina makes a bold move and takes one of Robin's hands in hers, but Robin takes it away quickly "You've got a nerve, don't you Regina? Don't play with me. It's the only thing I ask from you. You know how I feel about you, don't take advantage of it ."
"Robin, please, just let's stop hurting each other. I'm not playing with you. I would never do that. You might not realize this right now, but I'm asking this because I love you. I still do..." Regina is about to continue, but she hears Robin say "You have a peculiar way of showing your love, Regina ."
"Robin, this is not because of lack of love, or because my feelings for you have changed and least of all because of someone else. You are a good man, an excellent father …and Robin despite what I said before you've been a good husband and partner. You deserve someone that can commit fully in all that marriage implies, and I'm not sure if I can give that to you right now. I need some time to re-examine my life, and once I've sorted out my own issues and can be happy again with myself, maybe we still can have a chance. How can I make you happy, if I'm not happy with who I am? That's a question I ask myself each night when I go to bed and look at you, and it kills me."
Robin has been looking anywhere but at Regina. However, as soon as she finishes talking, he turns around and catches her gaze. Her eyes say more than what her words just said; they show relief, guilt, and sorrow, they beg for understanding, they claim for forgiveness, but what surprises him most is that he still can see in them affection, care, tenderness, and, yes, love.
In that precise moment Robin realizes what Regina has been through all this time, and decides he'll do everything possible to give her peace and happiness …and then he understands that he'll even do the impossible because he will let her go, if that's what she needs to feel complete, happy and satisfied with her life.
With those thoughts in his mind, he only answers "I wasn't expecting any of this, Regina. We'll have a lot to talk. Let's go home ."
And with those words, they continue their way home in complete silence.
They don't rush things. On the contrary, take their time to discuss each of the choices they are about to make over and over again during the days that follow.
It appears the heartbreaking argument they had after John's party, and the way they had exposed some issues both of them would have preferred to remain unsaid, in some way, has helped them retrieve the communication they once had.
However, the damage has already been done, and they have reached a point of no return.
Robin blames himself for not noticing Regina's issues before and for continuing pushing her until it was too late. He is devastated for failing to give her the life she deserved and has already promised to make it up to her and to make her feel happy and fulfilled with her life.
Regina, on her side, feels guilt and remorse for being the one tearing apart her family. She identifies hurt and pain in Robin's eyes most of the time, and she knows she is the one responsible for that grieve.
Hence, they both commit to making this process the least painful to the other one, although they know there's no way of getting through this unharmed.
They don't leave a topic unaddressed, regardless of the heartbreak some of them bring them.
There's no lawyer representing any of them, nor any other people involved. There's no process for a legal separation yet, least of all for a divorce. They firmly believe they owe themselves a civil and friendly separation, without including other people that might make the whole process more difficult and, even, bring up intimate issues none of them want to address in front of third parties. They are going through a stressful and extremely sad situation, and each of them has to process their own regrets, guilt, what-ifs, so there's no need to complicate things by involving other people, at least for now.
They'll leave the lawyers for later, when it becomes necessary, if it ever does.
However, if they think they've already gotten through the worst, they aren't prepared specifically for two days that are about to come: the day Robin moves out, and the day Robin and Regina tell their children about their separation.
It appears there's no convenient timing for their official separation with Christmas just around the corner and the New Year a week after, and that's the sole reason they delay it after the New Year, although in practice they haven't been a marriage for some months.
Robin and Regina will always remember the New Year of 2008 as the saddest of their lives. They stay home with Lila, Henry and Roland. They eat dinner, the five of them, they watch the fireworks when the clock strikes 12, but they don't even toast. Robin and Regina hold each other, realizing it is the last holiday they share as a family, while their children enjoy the fireworks unaware of what their parents are going through.
One week later Robin and Regina tell their kids their dad is moving out, and, well, there's no recipe for a conversation like that to work out, nor a magic way in which it will hurt less. It is painful, sad and overwhelming.
The kids are shocked, they begin to cry, and when they realize Robin is the one moving out they run to hug their father at the same time, they grab his legs, pull him by the arms, climb on him as if they were trying stopping him from leaving, even if he is not going anywhere that day.
There's no valid reason for any of them to accept their parent's break up. They argue with their parents, in their own innocent logic trying to convince them not to go on with their separation.
Robin and Regina know that their children need some logical explanation of the reasons behind their decision, and it's very difficult and exhausting to offer any that they can comprehend, without giving away Regina's discontent and Robin's poor perception of his wife's issues. So, the children have to settle with the that's between your father and I - we still love you very much - you still have your father and your mother -your dad can come to this house whenever he wants speech.
After some time and useless cries and pouts finally, the kids realize that there's nothing they can do to make their parents change their minds.
It helps somewhat that Robin doesn't move out right away after their conversation with the children, and stays home. It actually does. The children are more relaxed knowing their dad is still around.
But, the time comes when Robin has to move out. It's a chilly Saturday afternoon, and Regina has asked Emma to take the kids for the whole day, maybe have a sleepover with them, so that they don't have to witness their father leaving. The fact that he's leaving is already hard for the children, without having to witness Robin carrying his baggage with his personal stuff, placing it in the trunk and driving away. She won't make their children watch that heartbreaking scene. She'll deal with it alone; it's the least she can do.
Robin closes the trunk after having placed his stuff there and turns to look at Regina who's standing by his side and can't help but ask one last time because, actually, he has nothing else to lose "Are you sure about this? We'll always be in each other's life because of the children, but there's no guarantee that things won't change between us or that maybe someone else could come into our lives."
Regina takes her time to answer. Robin observes her hesitate and take away her gaze from him before she replies "That's a risk I'll have to take. I might be making my biggest mistake or maybe giving us a chance to get over this stronger than ever. Only time will tell."
"And…" Robin continues pausing as if he wasn't sure what to say next "…and …remind me why didn't we decide that I just stay here with you and help you figure out all your issues?"
"Robin, we went already through this for weeks. I'm begging you for some space because I feel I can't give you what you deserve. I need to feel like myself again first. I …I never meant to hurt you, Robin and I know I did and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't …Regina, please. If someone needs to apologize it's me. I'm sorry for not being by your side when you needed me. I never wanted you to feel miserable. You can't imagine how sorry I am ...and, yeah, I know we already talked about this." Robin knows this is it and he can't say goodbye to the woman he loves who he failed to make happy, so he opens the door of his car and, before he gets in, says "I won't say goodbye, Regina."
"I won't say goodbye, either." With those words, Regina turns around and walks towards her house, but before she steps in she looks back and catches Robin staring at her; he has been watching her walk and it breaks her heart. With tears in her eyes, she waves her hand ...and he does the same.
It's over.
Eventually, Regina will achieve her professional fulfillment and the part inside her that for years felt empty, will be filled with professional recognition, success, a job, a life aside from her children and her house.
Over the years, Robin will discover he is a better father than he ever thought, and, ironically, it might be the one good thing his divorce brought him. He will become actively involved in raising his kids. He will enjoy homework, school meetings, preparing lunch boxes, driving the kids to school and picking them up later and from being a dad that worked too much, he becomes one present every moment of his children's life.
Robin and Regina will be back together for a brief time in a secret affair that won't end well, but that they manage to overcome and continue with their exceptionally good relationship as exes.
But, if Robin and Regina ever thought that dissolving their marriage and going through a divorce was the hardest thing they'd been through, they are completely mistaken.
They will be pushed to their limits when they have to witness the other one in a relationship with someone else, and realize they are still in love with each other. They will realize this in their own time and way, but they'll get there at some point in their lives.
And if their divorce is their biggest mistake, only time will tell.
THE END ...Thoughts?