Set four years after Robin and Regina's divorce. Robin is still in love with his ex-wife. He hasn't been able to move on, but it seems she has because she is in a relationship with another man. Robin will be pushed to his limits when he finds out this man will be around in a more permanent way.
Written for Day 3 - OQ Angst Fest 2018
Prompts: N° 10: What's the point anymore?; N° 27: I have every right to be angry; N° 32: I think things have just changed.
Special thanks to babylawyerOQ for editing!
Robin has always been a jealous man, and he knows it, but what he doesn't imagine is that he'll be pushed to his limits soon.
It's a pity that Robin can't light a cigarette in this place because certainly, he would light the whole package. He quit smoking a long time ago, but the urge comes back each time he feels anxious.
He knew this would happen sooner or later, but he never thought it would hurt that much. He had thought about this situation several times, but no hypothetical scenario compares to the way he feels right now.
It aches so bad that he senses a pressure all over his chest, and, for some seconds, he thinks he might just die of a heart attack, seated at a table in a bar, feeling miserable and with no other company than himself, as he waits for his ex to show up.
He will not get drunk. No, he won't make a fool of himself. The situation he's going through is already bad enough just as it is, so he doesn't need to piss his ex off by being a drunk ass. However, he realized, as soon as he arrived, that he needed something in his system to bear the bizarre encounter that would take place in some minutes. That's why he orders a glass of whiskey and takes generous sips from time to time waiting for the alcohol to cover up his pain with temporary sensations of joy, relief, and false well-being.
It seems to work. At least he gets to feel more relaxed and less anxious, although the mix of sensations inside him refuses to leave him completely. Sadness, pain, grief, longing, anger, guilt, regret, jealousy ...
While he waits, he has time to think and can't tell if this is good or bad because he goes through the pain all over again that the realization he lost her forever brings. And even worse, through the awareness that another man has the opportunity to make her happy, to love her, to be rewarded with her love, her kisses, to make love to her….whilst he has to settle holding to the memories of what it meant to be her husband and lover, and learning to live loving her in silence because she has someone else by her side, someone that will give her everything he failed to.
It doesn't surprise him, and on the contrary, it would have been expected that an intelligent woman, with an excellent job, independent, single, beautiful, elegant, and with a body to die for wouldn't remain single Mills is a catch, and sometimes he wonders why this took so long to happen.
He thinks that maybe it was because he has been around her, in one way or another, since they divorced four years ago, and it has been enough to keep away possible suitors that would have died for a chance with her.
He would never know the exact reason why he has always been that close to her. But it seems their closeness had made that those not familiar to them thought they still had something going on between them. Enough to discourage some candidates from the very beginning thinking, wrongly, by the way, that they had to compete with her ex.
But still with him around (because his intentions were never to prevent her from recomposing her life with someone else, weren't they?) he knows she had dated occasionally. Even if he hadn't been thrilled about it, it hadn't bothered him that much because no date lasted long enough to become something more permanent and least of all, to be introduced to his children.
Robin regrets not having moved on and is aware it's entirely his fault. His friends had advised him. They saw this coming before he did, but Robin is a stubborn man and refused even to talk about it, saying that everything was okay as it was. A lie he told himself countless times and that even now he doesn't believe. He is aware he never moved on because deep inside (or maybe not that deep) he'd been hoping he could win Regina back.
And, well, who could blame him for thinking that way? It wasn't a crazy thought, after all. It had already happened once after their divorce when they reconnected for some time. So, technically it could happen again. There was attraction, they cared for each other, they both were single ...it could be possible.
He had hanged to that thought for years, and he now regrets it deeply because when first a friend and then a boyfriend, that soon became her fiancée appeared in the picture in a permanent way, it felt like a bucket of cold water for Robin.
It looks like Regina is late. Her delay gives him hope that maybe she changed her mind about the engagement, but he soon disregards that idea. He has considered himself to be a fortunate man most part of his life; however, it seems that for some time now his good luck has no longer been by his side.
Robin drinks slowly from his first glass of whiskey, as he thinks how this ordeal began. He remembers the first thing that bothered him was a comment Roland, his twelve-year-old son, slip about his mother's new friend. And it had been worse when Robin realized this wasn't something Roland had revealed accidentally. In fact, this was how his younger son was feeling towards a male figure that happened to be sharing some time with his mother.
In a short time, everything was about this Daniel guy. It looked like this man had caused an impression, at least in his younger son …and well it was actually easy to impress a twelve-year-old. Roland couldn't stop talking about how cool this guy was, how he'd invited them to spend a whole day at the Country Club, and how fun it'd been, how they'd spend the afternoon by the pool and how amazing he'd jumped off the diving board.
He remembers the feeling of uneasiness and jealousy that had hit him by that time at the thought that this was the first time Regina had introduced to their children someone she had been dating. It was bad enough to feel jealous about Regina being with another man, but it was even worse when he thought about his children's interaction with their mother's boyfriend and all those things this man would get to share with his family.
Next, it had been the more frequent Daniel this, Daniel that shit and by that time he had been devastated. He realized at that moment that for Regina this man was not an infatuation, nor a temporary relationship and even less a fuck buddy. Shit! Why did he go there? The sole thought of Regina making love to someone else makes him sick.
He takes the last sip of his drink and orders a second glass, then he looks at his watch and phone. Maybe Regina has texted him to let him know about her delay. He realizes she's not terribly late, and, on the contrary, it's him the one who arrived half an hour in advance because of his anxiety. She's only running late for ten minutes, and possibly might be parking her car. He knows she'll be arriving soon ...and, regardless of how he feels, he'll have to force his best face.
He continues with his drink engulfed in his memories, recalling the way he realized Regina's 'friend' was someone who would be around more permanently.
He gets out of the car and walks to the front door as the kids struggle to carry their backpacks and shopping bags of stuff their father have bought them over the weekend. Robin's children have stayed with him since Friday afternoon, and it happened Lila needed a new pair of shoes and an appropriate outfit for a special occasion. He knows his daughter will spend most part of the day shopping just to buy something very similar to what she already has in her closet or to choose nothing at all. A young woman in her sixteens is hard to please.
However, he learned a while ago which battles to pick and definitely he had no chance to win an argument about clothing or fashion with his teen daughter, so he decided it would be more convenient if all of them went to the mall. Robin took advantage of a time with the boys, while Lila shopped for herself, to buy some stuff for them as well. Henry with fourteen and Roland with twelve-years-old don't stop growing up, and their trousers no longer fit them properly.
They have a lot of bags to take to the house and when Regina opens the door and realizes the four of them are shorthanded, she offers a hand and invites Robin in. The kids rush to their bedrooms, excited to check their new things and Robin and Regina are left behind.
"Do you want something to drink, Robin? You just did such a workout carrying all that stuff. You should have waited for me to open the door and help," says Regina smiling.
Robin can't take his eyes away from her. She's stunning as always, but this afternoon her eyes glow in a particular way. He takes a seat at the little table in the kitchen and answers "Thank you, Regina. Do you have a beer? I guess one won't do any harm."
Regina turns around, opens the fridge as she replies "It happens I have your favorite brand." She takes out a bottle and hands it to him along with an opener and a glass.
Robin sighs knowing exactly what Regina is thinking, not in vain he had been married to her for eleven years. He takes the bottle from her, is about to open it and pour its contents into the glass. He knows she never understood how people could drink directly from a bottle and that it really bothers her, but before he can do it his heart stops when he gazes at her left hand.
First, it's the shock, surprise, and astonishment that hit him. Next, he feels nauseous and has the need to throw up, but finally, rage and anger win and take hold of his body and mind. He looks again at the same place thinking he might be confused, but there's not a chance that he is wrong.
Robin's face shows distress and it's evident that Regina notices it because of what she says next "I ...was going to tell you, Robin. I didn't mean you to find out like this. You just didn't give me any time."
Robin opens the bottle, doesn't even mind to pour the beer in the glass, he takes one, two, three sips, drinking directly from the bottle. He is aware this irritates her, but he doesn't even care; it's evident he's making this on purpose, and she knows it. That, he can tell from the way she stares at him.
After finishing his third sip he asks, "How long did you think you could hide this from me? Didn't you think I had the right to know?"
"Robin, I'm not hiding anything. I already told you I was going to share this with you."
Robin gets angrier when he detects Regina is trying to hide a smile but fails. He feels like shit not only because he's jealous and wants to find the bastard who took her away from him, but because apparently, this man makes her happy enough that she can't hide a smile. He should be happy for her, and not the selfish ass he's being. Her thoughts are interrupted by Regina's words "It just happened, Robin. Yesterday night."
"I guess I have to say 'congratulations' but I'd be lying, at least until I know who this man is..." he is about to continue when he hears her say "Excuse me?"
He glances at her only to find that look on her face. The look in between a 'how do you dare?' and a 'who the hell do you think you are?' that scares the shit out of him.
"Robin we have been divorced for years. This …" she lifts one finger that displays without any doubt a beautiful and delicate engagement ring "...isn't any of your business! I can be engaged to whoever I want if it's my choice, and it is."
"Well, Regina, this man will be part of my children's life as well, so it's definitely my business ….and by the way, I hope you have the good judgment to wait a prudent time before the wedding."
"Wh-What?" her face shows disbelief for a few seconds before morphing into anger. "Actually, you don't get to pick the wedding date for me. And, in fact, we will be getting married in about two months. Daniel doesn't want to wait long, so why not?"
"I bet he doesn't" mumbles Robin, but loud enough for Regina to hear.
"Robin, stop this! Daniel is a good man; he respects me and cares for the children and me. Why wouldn't I give him a chance to make me happy?"
A chance. The chance he would die to have.
"Regina, if this man is going to be part of my children's lives, at least, I have the right to know something about him and certainly I would want to meet him. I want him to know I won't tolerate any bullshit with my children and..."
She doesn't allow him to finish. "Shit, Robin! He is a decent man. Don't you think I want the same for my children? I wouldn't have ever dated an asshole. It seems as if you are jealous and angry, instead of happy for me."
Ouch. Jealousy, the exact feeling that is consuming him from the inside. Robin knows he is jealous, very much so, and angry. Yes, also angry. He is angry with Regina, angry with this man he doesn't even want to mention his name, but moreover angry with himself.
But he needs to get over it and show some dignity. He'll do better, even after doing a terrible job trying to hide his jealousy.
"I'm not jealous, Regina, please …pfft" he lets out a sound that clearly tries to be a laugh but sounds more like a sigh, as if trying to ridicule the idea of being jealous "...but, I just found out, not because you told me, but because I saw your fucking ring, that my children are going to live with another man instead of me. Well, I guess I have every right to be angry at this shit."
"No! You don't have any right to be angry. You have the right to be concerned, the right to meet Daniel, the right to live with our children half the time as you already do ...and that's it, you don't get to be angry for a choice we both made years ago."
"A choice you made for the both of us, Regina."
"Robin, what's the point anymore?We have been divorced for four years. It's not good to go there and begin blaming each other for our choices. Maybe, I asked for space and time, but it was after we no longer had a functional marriage. It would have only been a matter of time before you asked for the same."
Robin looks at her, gazes into her intense brown eyes, and finds that glow he noticed when he first entered the house. This bastard makes her happy. Robin thinks that he already stepped away once so that she could be happy ...and this time is no different, he will walk away. He only needs to know something more. The words get stuck in his throat and struggle to escape his mouth, but he gets over and asks "Are you in love with him?"
And her answer feels as if she were crushing his heart into small pieces.
"I think I am" is her only answer and he has left very little to say.
"Well, I think things have just changed."
With Regina's words reverberating in his mind Robin leaves Regina's house with a broken heart for the second time in four years, but this time he doesn't even have any hope to win Regina back.
He watches them entering the bar holding hands and chatting animatedly. He just observes her from where he is seated, and neither of them seems to notice Robin's intense gaze.
Everything about her is just perfect, and the way she smiles, looking to one side, almost as if she were embarrassed about something, is delightful. The only thing that's terribly wrong is that she isn't smiling at him but at another man. A man that is not pleased when he locks eyes with Robin and realizes he's been staring at his fianceé completely mesmerized.
Robin looks to one side and waits until Daniel and Regina arrive at Robin's table, where he is waiting for them. It's awkward, to say the least.
Robin greets Regina, not with the usual affectionate hug and kiss, but with a nod of his head and some sort of smile. It appears things did change, after all.
Regina introduces both men to each other and immediately after that, they order some drinks. It's a glass of red wine for Regina; Daniel joins Robin with a glass of whiskey. It seems they both need something stronger to get through this.
Robin can't remember if he already drank three or four glasses. He only recalls having ordered a second glass. It's like if his memory is numbed. He's not drunk, he holds his liquor pretty well, always has, but he's not sober either.
Neither of them talks. They look at each other, taking sips from their drinks from time to time to mask the fact that no one dares to talk, or worse, doesn't know what to say.
But, it's Robin the one who breaks the silence. After all, he was the one who asked to meet him.
"So, finally I get to meet the man who stole your smile, Regina," says Robin ...and who is he lying to? Not only did Daniel steal her smile, but also he took away from him every chance to retrieve her.
Robin watches Regina blushing slightly, and he thinks she looks gorgeous. Oh God, this is terribly difficult. He wishes it would be over ...he'll make it quick.
"Well, I asked to meet you…" he stares at Daniel and realizes that saying his name is more difficult than he thought. It just gets stuck in his mouth. "... I wanted you to know …er… I need you to know that my children are everything to me. So, during the time they will spend with you and Regina I want them to feel comfortable, loved, safe and happy. I need you to promise that."
Daniel appears to be a decent man. Regina had been right. He is about Robin's age and offers, most of the time, a sincere smile. He has no trouble gazing directly into Robin's eyes not even trying to look away. Robin thinks that at least this is a sign that he is honest and his intentions are good.
"Of course, Robin. I'll try my best to make them feel that way when they are around me."
"Okay ...and, you don't get to discipline them, nor don't you get to take any decision regarding their wellbeing. They have their parents to do it."
"Robin, I don't pretend to replace you. I never would" answers Daniel surprised with Robin's request.
Regina is quiet. She hasn't said a word yet and Robin knows she's distressed and anxious. He bets she wants this to be over, yet he needs to clear things up with this man. He is not going to let them out of this easily. So, he just continues "...and, even if Regina and I have been divorced for some time, she is the mother of my children and I do care for her. Thus, everything I just said regarding the children goes for her as well."
Shit. Regina turns to look at Robin in shock, and just by the expression on her face, he knows she's not pleased with the course their conversation is taking.
"Robin!" exclaims Regina, and before she continues there's an answer from Daniel "There's no way it could be different for Regina, Robin. And, now that you've brought this up I also want to be very clear about something. I welcome the fact that you care for her. I do. But, I will be her husband, so I would really appreciate if you step back and limit your role to that as the father of your children."
It appears Daniel doesn't stand any nonsense, and it surprises Robin, at first, but then he realizes this would have been his reaction if he were in Daniel's shoes. He likes it, despite the heartbreak Daniel's words, bring him.
Robin forces a smile "Don't worry, man. I know my place".
It seems the meeting is over. There's nothing more left to say. This meeting wasn't meant to socialize, so that's it.
Regina and Daniel have already finished their drinks, and when Robin shakes hands with Daniel he can't help saying "I hope you realize how lucky you are."
Daniel doesn't answer. Both men look at each other, and neither of them takes his eyes away from the other. If looks could kill both men would already be dead because of the way they gaze into each other's eyes: intensity, strength, fierceness...all at once.
"I do" replies Daniel finally, and with those words, they leave.
Before they walk away Robin exclaims "Regina, Daniel! ...wait!" They both turn to look at Robin, approaching a few steps "Congratulations!" he says. He shakes hands with Daniel again and gets to hug Regina, for what would be their last time in years.
Robin stays at the bar that night and drinks his ass off thinking about this bizarre encounter and about Regina's words when he asked her if she was in love with Daniel.
Her I think I am hadn't left his head since that Sunday afternoon at her house when he realized everything had changed between them.
However, little does he know, as he tries to drown his grief with alcohol, seated at a table in a bar, that those words wouldn't leave his head the days or years that follow.
Six years later, while seated with Regina at a table in a bar a few blocks away from the one he is, he will realize the truth. After all those years he will know Regina had been right. She had thought she had been in love with someone else, but she hadn't.
Her heart had always belonged to him, and someday he'll know it.
THE END
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