Chapter Five: Heartache
Thank you to Section D to reviewed Chapter Four; this chapter is dedicated to you. This is the penultimate chapter I'm afraid. I know posting of this story has been a little…odd, but I hope you have enjoyed what I've written.
X
Harry waited patiently outside the delivery room. He was used to being in control, this feeling of helplessness was not one he was accustomed to. He could shoot a man dead, set a man up to take the fall. But he couldn't even be in there when his wife gave birth to their first child.
"Mr Pearce?"
It was time. He stepped forward, not sure what to find when he went through those doors. His hand hesitated on the handle; as soon as he opened that door he became a father. It was a responsibility that he was very much scared of. But he powered through it, and pushed open the door.
And there was Jane, tired and sweaty but with the most amazing smile on her face. In her arms was a baby, a baby girl. His own smile extended to his ears as he walked over to embrace his wife. Looking down at the innocent bundle, he could see his eyes staring back at him. He kissed Jane on the head, before stroking his daughter's small curls.
"Catherine."
X
"TO HARRY AND JANE!"
Harry smiled around the Grid as he watched his colleagues raise a glass of champagne in honour of their newest arrival. At any other place of work, Harry would have brought Jane and young Catherine into the office to show her off. However, he worked for MI5 and thus that was impossible. Still, he had brought lots of photographs for everyone to see and coo over.
"Harry, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen," Thomas exclaimed, throwing an arm around him and passing him a cigar. In a rare interlude when the world wasn't in crisis, Section D was celebrating. Harry was still there in an unofficial capacity, dealing with the official fallout from the RAF.
"You must be so glad she took after Jane, right?" Oliver joked, earning him a smack on the arm from his friend. He continued to show some more photos, including ones of him holding her, then Jane holding her and then the whole family.
"We're planning for a second soon, we want Catherine to have a little brother," Harry admitted, earning a sweet sigh from the ladies in the MI5 office, all but one of them.
There were moments in their celebrations that Harry was not engrossed with questions or showing off his first child. In those moments, he turned to look at Juliet. They had not said a word since the incident in Cologne. She had finished her degree since then, and was a full Officer of the Security Services. She stood alone on the Grid, a glass of champagne in her hand untouched. Juliet looked over at the same time he was staring at her, and she broke contact immediately.
"Need to get some air," she muttered to Delilah as she handed her the glass. Harry watched her as she moved to the meeting room. Claiming the need to call Jane to check up on Catherine, Harry left the party and headed to the meeting room.
Sliding the doors open and closed, he saw Juliet staring into space.
"Juliet."
"Harry. She is a very beautiful baby, you know. She takes after you," Juliet swallowed, grasping the table to support herself till her knuckles turned white. Harry walked over and unhooked her fingers, turning her towards him.
"I'm sorry for what I said in Cologne, Juliet. I should have never said it."
Oh how I wish I could take the moment back. Then things wouldn't be this way, I wouldn't have the immense guilt every time I turn to my baby girl and see my Jane staring back at me.
"Its fine Harry, we all say things we regret."
Or regret never saying the things we want to say. If I had said I love you too, would you still be with your wife? Would it be our child you would be smiling over, celebrating over? Would it be our love you would be cherishing, instead of the love from a woman who will never understand you the way I do?
"Have a lovely evening, Juliet."
"Harry, wait."
Neither of them would remember who kissed whom first, but Juliet remembered that she was the one who held on to Harry's jacket like a life raft. It was rabid and manic, and a goodbye kiss. There was passion, always passion, but not the excitement that they had before. Just farewell.
"Juliet, if you're not feeling well…oh."
Both of them would remember who broke the kiss first. Harry, lipstick covering his lips and the taste of Juliet in his mouth, tore himself away from her to look at Delilah in the doorway. Instead of trying to explain things, he just pushed past both women, wiped his mouth, and continued out of the Grid. The photos in his pocket burnt a hole there, straight to his heart.
X
"So, Oliver, what makes you think that you are the perfect person for this role?" asked one of the interviewers sitting opposite one of 6's best Spooks.
"Well I have a wide experience of work in the field, which I would like to change. I think a change of pace would be good, especially considering that my wife and I would like to start a family soon." Perfect smile, balanced response. Equal time to think and respond, didn't want them thinking that he had perfected these answers weeks in advance.
"You do know that we are considering Harry Pearce for this position, do you not?"
"I do, and like Harry, I have good qualities and get on well with a team. Unlike Harry, however, I do not get on so well with a team that I risk my marriage on it."
Oh how he loved his little Delilah. He knew something had been going on with Harry and Juliet in Cologne, but he didn't know for sure until she had walked in on him. Perfection, utter perfection.
"Are you saying that Harry Pearce has been having an extra marital affair with someone in his current placement?"
Friendship was for fools, Harry would understand that. In time.
"I've said too much. Lets get back to the job, shall we?"
RECORDED DISCIPLINARY HEARING WITH HARRY PEARCE AND JULIET SHAW
HP - HARRY PEARCE
JS - JULIET SHAW
TM - THOMAS MASON
AH - ALEXANDER ROBSON
AH: You two do know why you are here, do you not?
HP: Because we had an extra marital affair.
JS: Because we had sex while we were both married to other people, and the Service frowns upon that.
HP: Juliet…
AH: Don't try to quieten her Harry, it's the truth. We cannot have our Officers compromise themselves in such ways. You open yourself up to all sorts.
HP: We understand our failure in letting our emotions get the better of ourselves.
TM laughs
TM: You don't sound sorry Harry, sorry that you and this little tart broke my son's heart!
AH: Thomas, calm down. You were invited here because you are their section chief at current, not for any fantasies of revenge.
TM: So you say.
AH: This is an official warning for both of you to stop this. Are we clear? Harry, you and your wife have a lovely new baby…
JS: Is it any wonder that Harry is considered the innocent victim with the innocent baby while I am just the slut that seduced him? Always blame the woman…
TM: If the shoe fits…
AH: Thomas…Are we clear both of you?
HP: Crystal.
JS: Very.
AH: Good. Now, Harry you will be removed from your posting at Six and will be permanently brought back to Five. Juliet, you will be seconded to Six. Both of you are dismissed.
Sound of a door slam. TM has left the room.
TRANSCRIPT ENDS
Charlie had told him in hushed words that Juliet was getting a divorce from Bernard. He was moving to 5, to get away from his ex-wife. Harry was going to be in a completely different department, but he would have to deal with Thomas. He wasn't looking forward to it. He was looking forward to what he was about to do even less.
"Hello Jane," Harry whispered, as he found his wife upstairs in Catherine's room. She was stroking her forehead and singing a lullaby. He didn't want to do this here, not in front of his daughter. But the guilt was eating him up inside.
"I was brought back to 5 today, I'm no longer at 6. No need for me to keep popping off places," Harry explained, and Jane nuzzled his neck in congratulations. He could see that she was happy, gloriously happy. He hated to be the one to do this to her.
"I've been having an affair with Juliet Shaw."
She froze next to him, and slowly began to glare at him with fierce eyes before dragging him out of their daughter's room. Down in the kitchen, he explained what had been going on. She yelled, she screamed, Catherine woke and screamed. Harry earned a slap, just as Jane was passing out of the kitchen to tend to their daughter. The words she spoke as she left dug into Harry's heart, but he couldn't find the energy in him to disagree with them.
"You are not the man I married anymore. You are just a ghost."