CHAPTER 40

A/N: I have added (some time ago, actually, but I forgot to mention it) a feed to my Snarry blog (cf. my profile page) so you can subscribe to it. If you choose to subscribe via "Atom" and you get a weird page with html code and a yellow bar at the top of the page saying, "This is an Atom formatted XML site feed", just click on the back button of your browser and click on "Atom" again – it will work the second time. I have also changed the blog layout. On with the story…:-D

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Harry and Severus stared at each other, eyes locked in smouldering stare. Severus looked furious.

"How dare you…! You disrespectful-"

"And when you said that you did not have the slightest intention or desire to…what was the word? Ah yes, 'fuck' me…was that very respectful, too?" Harry pointed out in a hard voice.

Severus glowered at him, but his shoulders sagged a little and Harry knew that his argument had struck home like a well-aimed arrow. The man was silent for a few moments.

"You are in the right," he growled finally, sounding extremely reluctant to admit that Harry had a point. Harry nodded and moved towards his bag, fishing out his pyjama t-shirt. He pulled it over his head. He could fairly feel Severus's penetrating eyes flitting over his upper body. Harry smoothed the t-shirt and ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing that for?" Severus asked abruptly.

"Doing what for, Professor?" Harry asked.

"Running your hand through your hair. That mop of yours is messy enough, as it is."

Harry smiled and sat down on his bed.

"Habit. My aunt was always trying to flatten it out, and I soon began to do it myself…even though it was and is never of any use."

Severus silently told himself that he found the unconscious gesture very charming – all the more so because it was not in the least associated with vanity or conceitedness. James Potter, on the other hand, had always mussed up his hair to impress the girls. Severus sat down on his bed, too, and picked up his book from the floor. He set it aside.

"In that case, I will enjoy a shower myself," he announced.

"Okay."

Severus removed a small satchel from underneath his bed and strode out of the room; he turned on the threshold.

"Page two hundred and twenty-two has a charming story of Zeus and Ganymede, if you are interested."

He shut the door behind him before Harry could reply. Harry got up and took Severus's book, his cheeks glowing with warmth. Severus had just invited him to read his, Severus's, book. Harry smiled. He installed himself on his bed, cross-legged, and carefully turned the pages until he reached page two hundred and twenty-two. It was quick to read, and Harry soon closed the book with another smile. Severus returned wearing a dark-green housecoat, his black hair moist. He smelt of soap, toothpaste and fresh clothes.

"I've just finished reading the story about Zeus and Ganymede," Harry said quietly.

Severus looked at one of the shelves in the wardrobe. Harry had put out his clothes for the next day. Severus had never shared a cupboard before with anyone. Even back at the Potions School with Marius and with two students occupying one room, each occupant had had his or her own wardrobe. Severus's chest seemed oddly tight as he pushed his bag inside the wardrobe and hung up a robe for the morning next to the shelf bearing Harry's blue jeans – did the young man know how delicious he looked in those jeans? – and crisp white shirt. Severus had a vision of Harry buttoning up his shirt and of himself approaching Harry and undoing all the buttons and pushing the shirt off those slight shoulders and kissing that chest and tasting those nipples and-

"It has parallels to the story of Hyacinthus and Zeus. The gods as a tutors and lovers, the youths as learners and beloveds…" There was something in Harry's voice which made Severus turn around slowly and look into the green eyes. Harry rose equally slowly and came close, very close, too close to Severus.

"When are you going to kiss me, sir?" he asked, shocked at his own temerity.

With a muffled oath, Severus suddenly crushed Harry against his body, their hips grinding, pressing his lips against Harry's in a feverish frenzied kiss. Harry stumbled backwards with surprise; but he recovered his balance and wrapped his arms firmly around Severus's neck, kissing him back. Severus tore his mouth away from Harry's.

"Is this what you want, Harry? Am I really what you want?"

"Yes. And don't shove a string of insane and inane arguments into my face," Harry said breathlessly. He rubbed his groin against Severus's.

"And I refuse to be called 'Professor' or 'sir', seeing that you are no longer officially my student," Severus bit out huskily. Harry tried to capture another sizzling kiss, but Severus placed a commanding finger on his lips.

"Why do you want me?" he asked suspiciously. "You are aware, for appallingly obvious reasons, that an intimate relationship with me is considered something to be avoided rather than pursued by the majority of sensible people, including myself."

"Since when are you sensible?" Harry asked, his mouth quirking. Severus narrowed his eyes and thrust his hips against Harry's.

"Oh…! I…uh…want…you…ahhh!…because…" Harry arched his neck with pleasure as Severus inserted his knee between Harry's thighs.

"Yes?" Severus prompted.

"Do you…oh Merlin…! really…mhhhh…want to know?" Harry gasped out, managing to tease Severus even while he was being teased himself.

"I want to know this instant!" Severus's voice was hoarse; he was breathing fast, taking pleasure in giving Harry pleasure.

"Because…mmmhhhh…I'm in love with you…!"

Severus went rigid. Harry, trembling all over with desire, his erection hard and heavy as a rock, steadied himself by clutching at Severus's neck.

"Look into my eyes," he whispered, sensing Severus's incredulity.

Severus obeyed, and there was a rush of feelings of images as a magical channel opened between them, Harry forcing to keep his Occlumentic shields, which immediately tried to spring up from habit, at bay. Severus quivered as the tumultuous sensations seeped into every cell of his body. He saw an image of Harry playing Sudoku with him…Harry writing in his diary about his feelings for Severus…Harry – oh, that just couldn't be! – telling his sidekicks Ron and Hermione how he felt…Harry dreaming about Severus undressing him and kissing his neck…Severus smiling…Severus laughing…Severus…happy…

The channel closed as Severus, giddy with the rush of Harry's love and memories, withdrew. He was aroused. He could not remember being more aroused than now. His hand slid into Harry's pyjama pants and into his underwear.

"Again," he rasped, "again, please. Show me again."

Harry moaned as Severus fondled his burning sex. With as much control as he could muster in such a situation, he stared into the passionate black eyes and reopened the channel. Severus plunged into those emotions and scenes again. He wanted to drown in them; but they were so solid, so convinced, so certain that they seemed to bear him away instead of submerging him, bear away from the bleak web of his past…A sharp cry roused him and made the channel close again. Harry was shivering and writhing in his arms, and warm liquid was flowing into Severus's caressing hand. Severus bowed his head and pressed another searing kiss against Harry's parted lips. Harry bucked once more in his embrace before going limp in Severus's supporting arms.

"Harry," Severus whispered. He raised his hand and stared at the liquid clinging to his fingers and palm. He wanted to taste it, lick it, but he also wanted both of them to take a blood test if they were to continue indulging in sexual relations. He was sure that Harry had never had such intimate contact with anyone before; still, it was better to be on the safe side. He reluctantly cleaned his hand with a non-verbal spell. Harry's flushed face was lovely.

"You…love…me," Severus said haltingly, still hardly believing that it could be true.

"Yes," Harry whispered, "and remember – no arguments…unless you don't feel something similar for me."

"My impossible Hyacinthus, why else would I be in the process of debauching you?"

Harry looked into the dark eyes. Maybe Severus would tell him explicitly that he loved him one day. Maybe he would never do so. For the timebeing, the sarcastic sentence would do wonderfully well for a love confession.

"Accept my apologies, my impossible Apollo."

Severus snorted.

"Apollo? I am the last person-"

Harry swallowed the rest of Severus's sentence as he kissed him. Severus struggled to regain his composure. He pushed Harry away gently.

"There are many things you do not know about me, Harry."

"Then please give me a chance to learn about you, Severus."

Severus's ears actually tingled at the sound of his name rolling off Harry's tongue.

"How will people react to our relationship, Harry? It may well become a political issue, the Ministry of Magic might interfere."

"I will only tell those closest to me – Ron and Hermione. And Remus."

"Lupin?"

"Well, he's like my second godfather…Somehow I always think of Sirius in connection with Remus and vice versa."

Severus snorted.

"I am not surprised. Lupin fancied Black."

"He loved him."

"Lupin and Rivers are consoling each other."

Harry shrugged slightly.

"I guess that's their business."

"Yes, that is true."

They studied each other.

"Now what, Severus?" Harry asked softly, leaning his head trustingly against Severus's neck for a few moments.

"You have made a choice which oscillates between folly and bravery by allowing yourself to…love me. You are a Gryffindor, after all."

Harry sighed.

"Severus, this is not about House qualities. I simply know that I am choosing happiness. Are you happy?"

Severus's head was starting to ache. He could not get used to the idea of being the recipient of love and happiness. He had fucked many men before, and he had been in a relationship with Marius who had simply pitied him and handled him like a toy. He had never been in a mutually loving relationship. Severus cupped Harry's cheek.

"Yes, I am…happy. You are old enough to make your own mistakes," he remarked, pronouncing "happy" like he had pronounced "love": as if it were a foreign term.

"You are not a mistake!" Harry said indignantly, "and it's high time I showed you that. Like this."

He kissed Severus lingeringly on the mouth.

"You were not quite honest when you told me that you did not have the slightest intention or desire to, uhm, fuck me," he murmured, playing with Severus's collar.

"Fucking is loveless. I have fucked prostitutes. I have fucked men I don't know. I fucked Rivers recently although I do not care for him in the least. That is fucking," Severus explained harshly. "I told you that there are things you do not know about me, Harry. Well, are you not disgusted?"

"No, Severus. You are being very honest with me. You're telling me that you fucked people you didn't care about..."

"Obviously, I do not feel indifferently or negatively towards you," Severus said impassively, again skirting the edge of a love confession. Harry flushed at the realisation.

"You may want to clean up," Severus added, nodding at Harry's lower stomach. The youth blushed harder.

"Uh, yeah, good idea."

He used a Vanishing Charm on himself and winced at the unpleasant pinching resulting from unexpectedly dehydrated skin, rather like sticking plaster being pulled off carelessly.

"So…are we a couple, Severus?"

"We are lovers, yes."

His eyes did not miss the tautening of Harry's face.

"You do not care for the word 'lovers'?" he asked shrewdly.

"It's a contradictory word. It's got the word 'love' in it, but it seems to be far more sexual than emotional. I mean, you can be lovers without love," Harry observed critically.

"An astute observation."

"What about…" Harry searched Severus's face shyly, "…beloveds? Or is it too maudlin for you?"

Severus reflected for a few moments.

"It will do in private," he replied at last, a smile playing around his lips.

"By the way…I had no idea that mental magic can be so sexy."

"I have taken great care to retain the memory of your reaction to the combination of sexual stimulation and Legilimency," Severus whispered into Harry's ear, making the youth shiver.

Harry laughed.

"I simply love your verbal skills," he said, crawling into bed. "Want to join me?"

Severus mouth curved into a smile.

"Why not? You came in my hand, after all," he said, climbing into the bed next to Harry. An Expansion Charm later, and they were lying together comfortably in their enlarged bed.

"Don't snore," Severus said succinctly as Harry turned off the light.

"Good night to you, too, Severus," Harry smiled, sliding his warm fingers into Severus's searching hand; and Severus only realised what his hand was doing when Harry gripped it.

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