I'm so happy! This month I'm going to buy the first season of Scrubs. The ordinary price is 329:- but it's now on sale so it just cost 149:-!!!

I'm so happy! Watching more Scrubs will probably speed up my writing a little or slow down! x3

We'll see! Anyways, here's chapter 3 :3

Saturday – December 23

Tomorrow's the party. And it will probably be one of my first parties when everyone will be drinking… except for me, or at least I'll try to stand against that. Maybe one cider or so… God damn it, I'm probably thinking too much. But it's probably only natural that I'm nervous, I hope. I just have no idea what to do right now. I've must gone through all of my clothes for the fifth time or so, but I just can't find something to wear. IT wasn't just a party, it is a party that's on Christmas, it is a party that Axel would go to and I would probably cling to him most of the time, if not all of the time… Then I have to look good, right? Fortunately for me, I had the day off at work, but I'm working during the day tomorrow. But that's fine since the party starts at 8 pm. It's a bit to early to freak out now in the morning. Maybe I should do this a bit later or maybe even tomorrow. I should spend my day of relaxing instead of flipping out about clothes. It's pathetic, I know that but still I freak out about it. I need to get out of here, just chill out.

The weather was quite good for being a December day, snowflakes slowly falling down from the ground and laid another thin white layer on the old snow. I dug up my iPod from my pocket and put the headphones on. I looked up in the sky before I pressed play and quickly put the iPod back in my pocket and began to walk away from my house to the bus stop. I was lucky that there was only 3 minutes left until the bus comes since the bus goes so more rarely on Saturdays than on weekdays. Even if the bench next to me was empty I stood up and leaned to the side of the black metal. The bus shelter was mostly of black metal and shattered glass here. They have almost stopped bothering replacing the broken glass since the youths here always breaks the glass. I saw the bus come in the distance so I stepped forward and took out my wallet from my pocket and waited for the bus to stop.

"I hate taking the bus…" I said for myself as the bus doors opened and I got on the bus.

The buss ride is always the same. I take a seat in the middle of the bus by the window. It would be strange for me if I suddenly sat at the back of the bus. I don't know why, probably because it's a habit I've gotten since I was still in school. It's not exactly boring to sit on the bus, but it's not fun either, the time just passes by with the flow of the music that uses up the battery of my iPod.

My cell phone rang as soon as I got off the bus and it took off.

"Hello?" I said as I answered the call and started to leave the bus station. To where, I don't know. I might just go around and look if there's anything interesting in the shops or so.

"Yo! Is it Roxas?" The voice sounded familiar. "It's me Sora."

"Oh, hey Sora." I replied. "What's up?"

"Well, I don't have to work for about a week and then I heard that you won't be celebrating Christmas with us this year so I thought that maybe we could hang out today or something."

I thought for a moment. Well, I wasn't exactly doing anything today so I guess there's no harm in hanging with my brother. "Sure why not. Are you in town?"

"Yeah, I'm at the café Kairi's working in. The Bird's Song, you know?"

I changed direction of where I was walking to and felt the wind to my face. "I'll be there in a few." I said before I hung up. That was probably rude but I'm not really a telephone person. I prefer to talk in person or write. As I was going to cross the street the light turned red like they always do when I get there. Probably karma I guess, I wasn't so good in school. Messing with everyone and crash stuff. Maybe that annoying girl in elementary school was right. Everything comes around at some point and that karma would eventually get me. After a few cars swished by the lights turned green and I walked over.

As I got closer to the café my steps became faster and faster and at the 3 steps to the door I almost ran up. I open the door quickly and it felt like everyone turned their head at my direction. Sora was sitting at the counter and Kairi was standing by the cashier. Their surprised faces both broke up in to smiles. "Roxas!" Sora greeted me cheerfully as he started to wave his arm in the air. "Over here!" Kairi waved at e to, but not as excitedly as Sora. I quickly walked over to where they were standing and leaned over at the counter. "Hey guys, what's up?" I said.

Kairi smiled, "Well, Sora's enjoying his day off to. Will you have the usual today Roxas?"

I nodded and sat down on the seat behind me. Sora looked at me, "What are your plans for Christmas, bro?"

I was surprised by the question I wasn't sure to answer so I drew out one of my most common replies to make him repeat himself to gain time to think about what to answer. "Eh?"

Sora looked a little bit annoyed, he sighed before he repeated his question. "Well, I was wondering what you're doing for Christmas since you're not celebrating with the rest of the family. That means that you must have some other plans, right?" Kairi looked a bit surprised by Sora's question, "You're celebrating Christmas somewhere else?"

What's up with the third degree? I'm sure Kairi didn't mean anything or so, but she just added to the pressure now. "I…" It was very hard to get the words in my head and out. "I'm celebrating it with my friends from work this year." I said. I tried to make it sound better than 'going to a party with my friends from work'. But somehow Sora heard it that way instead of what I said.

"So you're going to ditch the family so you can go out drinking? Damn it Roxas, I thought you weren't that kind of person!" Sora said and slammed the counter as he got up from his seat. "How do you think mom will react when I tell her about this?"

Sora wasn't the only one to be upset now. "So you're going to tell her now? Oh come on, a person can't stay goody-goody forever! I mean, one party is that so much? Can it be SO life changing as you act it will be?"

"There's a reason why you're going to this party right?" Sora asked.

I groaned as a sign to Sora to fuck off, but he wasn't satisfied with my answer, so I gave him a new one, "That's none of your business…" and swung back to the left facing my chocolatte and trying to ignore Sora.

"It's because of that Axel guy, isn't it?"

I froze. How the hell did he know, I mean… people say I'm quite obvious about my feelings for him but I don't remember Sora meeting Axel so how would he know?

"I saw you with a guy about two days ago. I was heading home early when I saw you guys walk down the street probably heading for the café."

I sighed, in desperate hopes of trying to shake Sora of the right trail that he was on. "What makes you think that I would go there because of hi--?"

"Do you love him?"

I barely got to finish my sentence before Sora interrupted me with that sentence. I jerked backwards, almost fell down the chair upon realizing what Sora was asking. "Uh… excuse me?"

"Well, do you?"

I sighed once more and got up from my seat, "Did mom send you here to find out what I'm doing for Christmas or someone? I don't really feel like being questioned right now." I grabbed my chocolatte, put some money on the counter for Kairi and headed out from the café. Sora quickly caught up to me.

"What?!" I asked as I turned around to face him, "What the hell do you want?!"

"You still haven't answered my question." Sora said and walked up to me, "Do you love him?" He asked.

"Why would I? Axel's my best friend!" I answered. "Why would I be in love with him?"

"Because when I saw you guys, it was like you were the only ones in town! There was something about both of you that just seemed to click and love sparks flying all over! You looked happier than you would if you've won millions of munny on a lottery or so."

I froze, it felt like it was the millionth time me doing so today. Maybe it was? "I…"

Sora smiled weakly, "It's okay for you to be happy, so why are you not going after him? He seems to feel the same way too."

I shook my head and looked at the ground, "I… It's just that… I-I'm not sure how I feel about him… If I love him…"

Sora sighed, "Really?"

"Everyone says it's love, but I'm not sure, I've never been in love… I've just really liked someone, but that's it. I've liked him like forever, but is it love? I don't know…"

He sighed once more. A cloud sipped out from Sora's mouth, he looked at it and when it disappeared he looked at me and said, "Go to him."
"Eh?"

He looked down then he looked up at me again and smiled, "Go to him. Find out how you truly feel about him."

I thought for a moment, is meeting him really going to clear the cloud above me? "I…"

"I have a strong feeling that it will clear your mind up." He said.

What the hell am I doing here? I looked up on the apartment block that I knew some of my friends lived in. And I knew that there was a particular person who lived in there who I had to meet. I looked at the names of the people who lived here and when I found the name I was looking for I pressed the small silver button next to it. A sharp buzz was heard and then a clicking noise.

"Eh, hello?" a familiar voice said.

"Demyx, it's you right?" I asked and waited for an answer.

"Eh, yeah it's me, duuh, you buzzed on my and Axel's name!" he replied.

"Is Axel there?" I asked, there was a slight pause before he answered.

"Uh… yeah, he's here. He's a bit tired from his shift. Why?"

Damn it! I thought for a moment and started to fidget with my jacket sleeves and fingers, "I… I have to see him, can you ask him if it's alright?"

"Hold on." Demyx said. I waited a while for him to return. "Uh, he wants to know what you want."

I sighed, "It's important okay? I…" I stopped for a moment. Took a deep breath before I continued, "I can't say it out here."

Silence… Demyx probably went to tell Axel the message.

"He says fine." I sighed with relief. "I'll open the door now ok? I'll meet you in the hallway, I was on my way out."

Another sharp buzz and then the door clicked. I quickly opened the door and walked in to the building. I walked up a couple of stairs before I meet Demyx on top of the last one.

"Yo!" he said and waved at me. I waved silent back. "See you tomorrow!" he said cheerfully as he ran down the stairs. I wonder where he's going? But he was smiling so widely so it had to be something really positive. Maybe he got a new song he wants Xigbar to listen to or something... Anyway, I continued up the last couple of stairs and continued through the corridor until I arrived at the door, 24b. I knocked on the door and waited a couple of seconds. Or minutes. I'm not sure, but it felt like forever. Then finally I heard footsteps on the other side of the door. Some mumbling whilst fixing the lock, it was probably Axel. As he opened the door I felt how the smell of cigarettes penetrated through my nose in an uncomfortable way, which made me cough and hope that it would be over soon. Then I looked up and saw Axel standing at the doorway. He had an irritated look on his face and a cigarette hanging out from his mouth. He had a large t-shirt on and jeans that was way too much pulled down almost showing all his underwear. "What?" he said, in an irritated tone such as his face. I felt more nervous but got a grip and said, "I have to talk to you about something very important."
Axel sighed and moved away from the doorway as a sign that I'm allowed to come in.

"So what do you want?" Axel said as he walked towards the fridge and grabbed two sodas. He tossed one at me and I caught it. "I have to find out something, something very important…"

Axel opened the soda and finished it quickly and threw it in the thrash. "And that's?"

I looked at him, "What?"

"What is this important thing that you have to find out?" Axel asked with a small irritated tone in his voice. I looked at the right, too embarrassed to look straight at him as I wondered if I should just spit it out or think up some lie. Automatically I started to think up a lie.

"C-can I… Can I stay with you over the night?" I asked.

Axel looked surprised at me, "Eh, say whaaaat?"

I looked down at the ground and tried to play it cool, "My parents aren't that happy with me going to a Christmas party with people they don't know. So I just simply told them to fuck off and now I don't have anywhere to stay."

There was a silence before I heard a laughter come from Axel. I looked over at him and saw him laugh, which made my fear fade away and I smiled back at him. "Well, you can stay here until you find some new place to go. I don't think Demyx will mind." He walked over to the sofa and sat down. As I walked up to him from behind he turned on the TV and relaxed. I'm not sure how long I stood there watching Axel watching the TV before I found the courage to ask him.

"Where will I be sleeping?"

Axel turned around and looked a little surprised at me. "Uh well, you can sleep in my room if you want to." He said and then returned to watching the TV.

"With you?" I asked, more surprised about me sounding so cool about it.

Axel laughed, "No you dumb nut!" he said, "I'll sleep on the couch."

"Y-you're sure? I mean, after all, I'm the one who'll be leeching on you for a while."

"I don't see it as leeching." Axel said and smiled, "I see it as helping a friend."

I felt how the warmth spread through my face and how I bolted to Axel's room mumbling random things that didn't make any sense and closed the door. I stood there and leaned to the door, feeling a bit sad. I was happy that my plan had succeeded but…

"He just sees my like a friend…" I said as my body sank to the floor as my heart sank down further and further in to a place with no hope.

"Roxas?" I heard a voice on the other side of the door. I immediately looked up as soon as I heard the familiar voice say my name, just like someone lights a lighter. The feelings rushed through me again. 'How can people be happy about being in love when the person you love doesn't like you back… and that there's absolutely zero percents chance of anything changing…' I got up from were I had been sitting for, I dunno, forever? I turned the door know and opened the door gently. I saw Axel standing there, ha had a headband on him now to keep the hair away from his face. "Hey, I'm thinking about doing some dinner, have anything that you would like to have?"

"No, anything's fine…" I said as I was about to run around and close the door, but Axel stopped the door and followed me in to the room. I felt more uncomfortable with him in the room. "Wh-what do you want now?" I said and groaned. "Leave me alone."

"Well, yeah… I want many things." Axel said and closed the door and then looked straight at me. "But that doesn't mean that I'll get them all."

My fear rose as he walked closer to me, I almost felt paranoid. His eyes drilled though me and I backed away as he stepped forward.

"Why did you lie about coming here?" he said.
Inside I froze, but my feet continued to move backwards to maintain a distance from Axel.

"Wha-eh-I… uhm…" was the only thing I could get out from me at this moment.

I continued to walk back slowly, but Axel walked up to me faster. Maybe I was just paranoid but. Alone with Axel, it was dark outside. Huh? Oh shit, I've must have fallen asleep at the door earlier or so. Alone with Axel in his bedroom, it was dark outside and Demyx wasn't at the apartment. And a bed. Yes, a bed. 'Shit.'

Then I fell backwards as I hit the bed. I continued to crawl back. But then Axel grabbed my foot and crawled on top of me.

"Ah-Axel?!" I said.

"Roxas," Axel said as he moved closer to me. My heart beat so fast and hard I almost got a little paranoid that he could hear. I felt how the flush on my face spread through my face and changed from a hundred of different shades of red before it stopped on the specific 'tomato red'. My hands got warmer and almost slippery from all the hand sweat. It felt like forever before Axel continued to talk, but I think it just was my anxiety that made me feel that. "You came here for a reason, right?"

I jerked away from Axel and froze, "I already told you why I came here…" I wasn't sure what to really answer, but I guess that lie will have to do. The best answers will pop up in my head tomorrow when I've seen this scene play through my head like a hundreds times and when I'm calm and not panicking like I'm now. His serious face slowly gave away a gentle smile. "Roxas, everybody knows you're a terrible liar." Once again, he slowly moved closer to me. This whole thing was just getting more and more awkward. I just wanted to shove him away for me and yell 'Personal space, please?!' or something like that, but my ability to speak flies away to Hawaii when I'm flipping out like this. I don't remember being this close to Axel. Well, once I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before I then ran off in embarrassment, but that doesn't really count since now we were technically sharing the same air and breathing in for each other, but I didn't feel his body but I still felt his body warmth, this was driving me crazy. Even so, I loved this strong unfamiliar feeling but got a little annoyed on myself as I felt that I craved more. Just as I closed my eyes I felt how I was shoved back and landed on the bed. When I opened my eyes I saw Axel pin me down and grabbed my wrists to prevent me from getting up from the bed. I tried to sit up but was restricted from doing so by Axel's position. My heart was racing and beating out of time. But I barely had anytime to think for I suddenly found myself thrown in to bliss. And without even stopping to think clearer I tossed my arms around Axel as he deepened the kiss and slowly lowered me down until I felt myself lying on the bed. I don't know for how long we went on, but suddenly when my mind was clearer I pushed Axel away and starred at him.

"What? Never been kissed before?" he smirked and bent down for another kiss.

'Do you love him?'

Sora's and my conversation played over and over in my head and slightly distracted me from Axel. Axel seemed to notice that and stopped kissing my neck and looked at me. "What's wrong?" he asked. I gave him a quick look and then kissed his nose to tease, "Nothing, just thinking about some stuff."
He planted a trail of kisses down my neck, "You know you're not supposed to think about stuff that will distract you when making out or anything like that." He slowly moved up and found a sensitive spot slightly beneath the ear. I jerked back as I gasped, Axel looked at me and smiled. "Was that a sensitive spot?"
"Hey shut up…" I said and laughed a little before we returned to kissing.

'Well, do you?'

"Oh, shut up…" I mumbled for myself. Axel looked a bit surprised, but I just acted as normal and bent a little forward to kiss his neck. I gained a small laughter and a relived sign from Axel. I got a little bothered from his laughter though, it's not like this is Disney land fun. Well, this is fun but not laughter fun. Axel then placed his index finger underneath my chin and pulled me in to another kiss and started to fidget with my shirt before he tried to lift it over my head to get it off. Axel tried to break the kiss while I forced him to keep going, I wasn't sure that I wanted to do this, but I didn't really have the courage to spit that out directly. I have already rejected Axel so much that he got tired of me and now I have another chance to be with him that I actually don't deserve. I don't want to screw this up. If I say no now, he'll probably leave again…
"Roxas was wrong?" I heard Axel's voice.
"Eh…?" I looked surprised at him. The anxiety must have made me drift off in thoughts. "I-I'm sorry…" I apologized and bent forward to kiss him. Strangely Axel didn't respond to the kiss. I looked at him and saw that he had a serious face for no apparent reason. "What's wrong?" I asked and started to kiss him on the neck. But then we pushed me away and looked at me seriously, "Roxas, if anyone is supposed to ask that question it should be me."
I was confused by Axel's question. Maybe he knew why I didn't let him take the rest of my clothes off, oh god, what will he do now?
"Look, if you don't want to do this we don't have to." He said and bent down from the bed and grabbed his t-shirt and put it on.
"Wh-what? N-no, what are you doing? Let's continue!" I said and grabbed his arm to stop him from picking up his clothes from the floor. He looked at me and smiled gently before he kissed me on my forehead. "Roxas I'm not planning to leave you or something. But I'm not doing this with you if you don't want to."
The warmth spread through my face as well as within me. I was really touched by that he cared for me and wasn't going to force me to do this if I didn't want to, but I still kinda felt sorry for Axel since he wanted to. "Well…" I said a bit shyly as I watched him put back his clothes, "How did you know that… I didn't want to have s-sex?"
Axel fixed his shirt before he looked at me. "Well, first of all, you stopped me x number of times from removing our clothes, second of all you spaced out a few times looking all worried and such."
I felt how the flush spread more through my face. I didn't know it was so obvious, I never intended it to be. Axel laughed a little and kissed me softly on the cheek. "Well do it when you feel ready." He got up from the bed and left the room, leaving me behind.
I just stared empty at the door before I bent down to get my clothes. I was happy that he didn't force me, but I still felt guilty since he wanted it. I swiftly put on my clothes before I headed out from the bedroom in to the kitchen. Axel was standing at the stove with a frying pan.
"Do you like pancakes?" he asked.

'Do you love him?'

I sighed and looked at the ground before I looked up and smiled Axel.
"Of course I do…" I whispered for myself.