A/N: Salut mes amies! Once again I feel like putting up a fast update. 1) because it is Friday 2) because I have a long weekend :D I don't have to go to school on Monday, so I'll probably post again this weekend.
Anyway, thank you to everyone who read my story, a special thank you to BloodyFreakin'Nightmare and ginnyinvisible who reviewed! Another thank you to the people who put my story on their alert lists and an EXTRA special thank you to BloodyFreakin'Nightmare again for putting my story as one of her favourites. An extra special Edward-shaped cookie for you!
I must say though, I'm a little disappointed in the review department… almost 120 hits and only 2 reviews? Sigh. Please I urge you to review! I love it when you guys talk to me and it really helps me write. So… REVIEW!!! (If you do I will give you an Edward-shaped cookie)
Without further ado… Chapter three!
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Maybe I could fake an illness or say I need to go to the washroom and make a mad dash for the airport. Think Bella, think fas-
"Bella? Is that you?"
Chapter 3: We are Broken
I froze as I heard the velvety, musical voice behind me. It was soft and quiet, probably with shock. I couldn't bring myself to turn around. Time stood still, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Why did he have to be here? Of all the luck…
"Bella?"
Crap, I should probably react or something. Despite all the panic that suddenly shot through me, I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace. Comfort. An almost longing for that familiar sexy voice…
Hold the phone, did I just say sexy?!
Breaking myself from my statue-like state, I slowly turned around, still sitting in my seat, to look at the Greek God that I knew would be behind me.
When I finally looked at him, well, he was even more gorgeous than I remembered. His jaw, more defined, his face, more mature and angular. But there were things about him that were exactly the same. His disheveled bronze hair, his long eyelashes. And when I met his emerald gaze…
I saw so many emotions running through his eyes the second we locked gazes. Shock being the most prominent, but there was also hurt, sadness, and… did I see a hint of joy?
Just the sight of him again, after all this time, was enough to get my heart beating erratically. But… that isn't right. I wasn't supposed to have these reactions anymore while around him. Was it possible I wasn't so over him after all…?
No of course not! I do not love him anymore. I've moved on.
We stared at each other for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than a minute or two. I was so absorbed in his intense eyes, I hardly remembered Rosalie and Jasper who were still sitting there, completely confused.
Suddenly, an elegant white hand literally slithered on to Edward's shoulder. He seemed to snap out of it then and turned to whoever was behind him, breaking our staring contest.
"Eddie? Why are you acting so weird?" I recognized that annoyingly perfect voice.
A strawberry blonde head peered over Edward's shoulder to take a look at whatever, or in this case, whoever, Edward was staring at. Her clear blue eyes were confused at first, then a flash of recognition crossed them. They immediately hardened. I could practically hear the touch-my-boyfriend-and-you-die vibes oozing off of her.
Stepping out from behind Edward, Tanya Denali crossed her arms and glared at me.
Why hello to you to Tanya. I thought sarcastically.
As much as I wanted to glare right back, I needed to remind myself that I did not love Edward anymore, so glaring would make me look like a jealous freakazoid. Which I was not.
Of course she, just like Edward, still looked incredibly beautiful if not more so. Her perfect strawberry blonde curls, perfect blue eyes, and perfectly manicured nails seemed to mock me. Why couldn't I look like that?
"I remember you," Tanya started to say. "You're the bi-"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Someone in a high-pitched soprano voice, squealed. I knew that voice only too well…
Before I could finish that thought, something small and dark flung itself at me with such force, I nearly fell out of my seat. The thing was tiny, but it had a grip that could challenge Emmett's. Seriously. I was dying here!
The thing slowly released me and looked into my eyes, beaming. I knew Rosalie said she was there, but it still surprised me to see Alice staring back at me. Before I could open my mouth to say anything she squealed again, softer this time, then gently slid off my lap. Standing up, she started speaking in an overly excited voice.
"Oh my God! Bella! I can't believe you're here!!! What are you doing here?! What happened?! I've missed you so much, and you look nice. Well except for the pants, and the shirt, and the shoes, but other than that you looked great! I'm so sorry we lost touch! I mean, I didn't mean to! I don't think I meant to. Never mind. I just can't believe you're here! We have to catch up! I just feel like… feel like… like… EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
I just sat there, my mouth hanging open at Alice's little outburst of excitement. I guess she wasn't mad at me for leaving. But that made me worried. I couldn't be close to anyone. It wasn't safe. Nice. This would certainly make things more difficult…
"BELLA!" a deep masculine voice boomed from the dining hall entrance. I looked to see Emmett sprinting across the hall making his way directly towards me.
I barely managed to squeak before he picked me up in a crushing bear hug. Okay, correction: Alice's grip is no where near as suffocating as Emmett's.
I could barely get the words out of my crushed lungs to tell him to stop, but luckily Alice saved me.
"Em! Stop! You're going to kill her!"
"Eh, woops." He said sheepishly before setting my feet back down on the floor. I gripped the table to regain my balance before Rosalie said in a very confused tone, "Um, am I missing something here, because something tells me you guys already know each other."
"Oh yeah. Sorry Rose. Bella is our childhood friend from Forks. We haven't seen her in like, two years." Alice explained as she went to Jasper's side, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I guess they were dating.
"Oh. Bella you never told me you knew them." Rosalie said.
"Uh, right. I guess I was just shocked. You know. It's been a long time."
Alice and Emmett sat down and started to talk animatedly, talking about what they've been up to I supposed. I told my mind to pay attention since I knew they would interrogate me about my life next, but I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling at the back of my mind.
Turning around, I met Edward's bright green gaze once more. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, the look of concentration on his face was almost cute. Tanya stood beside him looking incredibly annoyed as she glared at me. How long had they been staring at me?
Suddenly feeling nauseous and a bit unnerved, I stood up.
"I, uh, I don't feel so well. I'm, going to g-go… away… from here." I said, stuttering pathetically.
"What? No, Bella. Stay!" Alice said standing up too.
"I said I don't feel well Alice."
"Then I'll come with you."
"No, you stay here. I don't want to take you out of your lunch."
"It's no trouble."
"No, I want to be alone."
"But-"
"I said no!" I nearly shouted at Alice. I then walked, almost ran, from the dining hall. I immediately felt guilty for yelling at Alice like that. She just missed me, and I missed her too, but I really did need to be alone. Hopefully she wasn't mad at me.
On the other hand, if she was mad at me, then maybe that would make it easier.
I stood leaning against the outside wall of the dining hall, the soft breeze helped calm me and ease my nausea.
It wasn't too long before I heard the door open and quiet footsteps approach me. I looked up to see Edward standing a few feet away from me, an unfathomable look in his eye.
"Hi" he said quietly.
"Hi" I replied back in the same tone. Something in the almost apologetic look he gave me told me he knew why I left, why I hadn't contacted him at all while I was away.
He looked so sad that it nearly broke my heart. I- I was over him, but I still didn't want him to be sad. But… at the same time, a part of me, a less considerate part, wanted him to feel guilty. Wanted him to hurt like I did.
I looked away from him as he silently leaned against the wall next to me.
"So… how have you been?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Fine" I said looking away from him. And by "fine" I mean awful I added mentally.
"That's… good."
"What about you? How are things with… " think Bella, what would a guy like to talk about? "Tanya?" nice going! Guys love to brag about their girlfriends. But Edward's not a typical guy…
"It's fine. We're fine." He answered, oddly short.
We stood for a few more minutes in awkward silence until I couldn't handle it anymore. The air was thick with some much needed, but yet unspoken words.
Silence had never been this awkward with Edward before. What happened to us? Oh right.
I opened my mouth to say something, apologize for my sudden absence, anything, but nothing came out. Instead I just looked like an open-mouthed idiot. I quickly shut my trap.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore and attempted to speak again, but this time, all that came out was, "I, uh, have to go. I'll… I guess I'll see you later."
I quickly turned around and sprinted towards the dorms. I ignored him when he called my name after me. Thankfully he didn't chase me. I knew if he did that, I wouldn't have made it across the parking lot. He was a lot faster than I was.
I didn't stop running until I reached the elevator, catching my breath. Surprisingly, I ran the whole way without tripping once. I nearly did a few times, but I caught myself at the last second. It was quite the accomplishment.
Once in my dorm room I headed straight for the bathroom, locking myself in.
I looked at the plain, boring girl in the mirror, staring back at me. She wasn't anything special. Just someone worn and broken down. Full of bad memories.
I knew I needed to sort out this problem, as soon as possible. I already had too many other problems and this one I didn't need.
But I was a coward. I didn't want to face the Cullens, and it was just my luck I get a roommate who happens to be dating one and is friends with the others. That ensured I would see them again, and it would make it exceedingly difficult to avoid them.
"You tell anyone anything, and I will kill you and everyone you love."
I shuddered as I sank to the cold tile of the bathroom floor, wrapping my arms around myself. Although I couldn't see myself anymore, I knew my eyes must have looked dead and empty.
"You can't run from me. I'm going to find you."
I shivered and took deep breaths to try and calm myself, but it wasn't really working.
"I will torture everyone you care about. Everyone you're close to."
I don't really remember how long I was sitting there on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth, before the door opened and someone walked in.
The footsteps were too light to be Emmett or Edward's (thank God it wasn't Edward) and since I was pretty sure Jasper didn't walk like a dainty ballerina, my best guess was either Alice or Rosalie.
"Bella? Where are you?" I heard Alice's voice say from somewhere inside the dorm room.
I debated answering her, not really wanting to go out there and talk, like I knew she probably wanted to, but decided to respond. I knew if I didn't, Alice would get worried and send a search party for me or something.
"In the bathroom" I answered, silently cursing myself for using such a shaky voice. "I'll be out in a minute."
"Okay."
I stood up and leaned over the sink, lightly splashing my face with water. Turning off the tap, I stood up straight, smoothed down my hair and tried to compose my hair.
Operative word there: tried.
Of course I still looked awful, but Alice was waiting.
Before I could change my mind, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out. Alice was sitting on my bed. She gave me a small smile before gently patting the spot beside her on the bed. An indication she wanted me to sit down with her.
I walked over, making sure to look at least somewhat composed as I sat down next to Alice. She didn't try to hug me or anything, which was good. I didn't want to be touched right then.
"Why did you run out of lunch today?" she asked softly, although something in her voice told me she already had an idea.
I shrugged.
"Bella…"
"I didn't feel like eating anymore." I answered lamely. I was a horrible liar, but at least this was a sort of half-truth. I truly didn't feel like eating anymore… when I saw Edward.
"And why, pray tell, was that?"
Damn you Alice.
"I… I…" I hated having these sensitive talks. To be honest, they frightened the crap out of me. Tell anyone that, and I will hunt you down.
"Was it Edward? Tanya?" Alice guessed.
I shrugged again. Please, please don't keep on this subject. Drop it. You know you want to.
"Bella… do you, do you still love him?" she asked very quietly, like she was almost afraid of the answer.
This time I answered right away, "No! No, I don't! I am completely over him. Now I feel like, like… I don't know what I feel anymore. I feel sort of… confused." I started off strong, but said the last part in a near whisper.
Alice nodded knowingly, as if she came to her own conclusion about the topic.
"You should talk to him Bella. Have you talked to him?"
"Yes I have." I replied a little offended. I did have a conversation with him. I very short, short conversation. More like a few casual comment.
"Uh huh. And by talk, I mean a real conversation. Like, a talk about, you know, your departure."
I stiffened. I knew I should probably talk to him about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to verbalize the words. I'll admit it, I was afraid to.
"Do I have to?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes. Come one, Bella. You know if you don't, nothing good will come out of it. You need closure."
"No, I don't" I said defiantly.
"You do. You both do."
"Yeah right," I scoffed, "he probably doesn't want to talk to me anyway."
Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Yes he does. More than you know. Do you know how broken up he was about you suddenly leaving?"
I shook my head silently, a little apprehensive of what I was going to hear.
"When he first heard, he didn't believe it. He didn't think his best friend would do something like that to him." I flinched a little at the mention of best friend. "When he finally believed it , he went a little hysterical. He was upset. So upset. Emmett practically had to physically restrain him from running out of the house and jumping on the next plane to Phoenix. He hardly even played his piano anymore."
"I don't understand. Why would he care so much? Didn't he have Tanya to comfort him?"
Alice rolled her eyes again at my obliviousness.
"Well yeah, he had Tanya, but that is beside the point. The point is, he wanted his best friend, not his girlfriend. You guys were so close, he was depressed."
"Didn't Tanya comfort him?" I repeated.
"That little bimbo hardly did anything to comfort him," she said , annoyed. "She seemed not to care that he was in pain. All she did was nag him about how he was being 'overdramatic' and that it wasn't like you were 'dead'"
Anger and annoyance flared up in me at Tanya's insensitivity. But it was quickly masked be the guilt at causing Edward pain. I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't know he would care so much if I were gone.
"Why is he still with her then? Sounds to me like she's a cold-hearted bitch."
"She is. But I guess he stayed with her because she was a distraction from all his guilt."
"Guilt? Why would he feel guilty?" I asked. I was confused. I told Alice I wasn't mad at him or anything, so why was he feeling guilty? If anything, I should have felt like the bad guy.
"Well, why do you think? I swear Bella, sometimes you are so oblivious for someone so smart." I rolled my eyes at that. "He knew it was his fault you left Bella. He knew it was because of the fact you loved him and he stupidly introduced his girlfriend to everyone without telling you first."
"But my leaving was already long in coming. New girlfriend or not, I would have left anyway."
"Yes, but it was Tanya's surprise introduction that caused you to leave without saying a proper goodbye to everyone. N'est pas?"
I didn't answer and Alice took it as confirmation.
"I thought so. Not to mention both Emmett and I were pretty pissed at him for driving you away. I'll admit, that could have been handled better by us. But please, you have to talk to him. I promise I won't nag you about it anymore If you talk to him. I won't even bother you about being friends with him or not. You both need closure, Bella. Approach him if he doesn't approach you."
"I-I'll think about it" I replied.
Would he forgive me for going away without saying goodbye? Alice seemed to think he would. But if he did, he would probably want to be friends again. Really close, like we used to be.
But with the risk that was out there right now concerning me, being close to me wasn't exactly the safest thing right now. Until he was found, people took a risk just being around me.
So if he were to forgive me, I would have to be distant. Still there, still his friend, but not as close as before. It was for the best.
And if he didn't forgive me, then that would be easier. It would be hard to have him reject me, it would probably kill me, but at least he would be safe and I wouldn't have to be distant. Besides, I kind of preferred being alone right now. I was still recovering from the incident…
So the question was, did I even want Edward to forgive me?
A/N: Sooooooo… Hit or Miss? I can only find out if you REVIEW!!! I cannot really stress that point out enough. If I get more reviews than I did last time, than I'll probably update again sometime this weekend. REVIEW and I will give you your Edward-shaped cookie.